A Love Affair with Canceris a new and inspirational book aimed at anyone touched by a cancer diagnosis, patients, carers and healthcare professionals.
Synopsis
‘A Love Affair with Cancer’ tells my true, powerful and emotive story.
A chronicle of an immature teenager attempting to come to terms with the devastating diagnosis of cancer and the outrage that I felt at the attempt of my parents to deny me, (although well intentioned) the knowledge of my diagnosis.
The journey outlines the psychological damage that the disease can elicit and the subsequent change to my lifelong philosophy.
The story begins with an admission of my failure to comply at school and my passion for one of histories great rock bands, Hawkwind.
It continues with the association and enormous part that this band played in keeping me on the straight and narrow, including the first and traumatic experience of the big city.
The high jinks and tomfoolery of young teenagers is an important part of adolescent learning and the story depicts my eagerness to play the practical joker, yet soon we discover that I would find myself in a difficult predicament, attacked by a pervert in the dark of the London night as I follow my heroes (Hawkwind) to the capital to see them play live for the very first time.
Despite being on an artificial high from the gig, I am plagued by an unexpected fatigue.
Bewildered by a family doctor treating this fatigue as clinical depression, I am eventually admitted to my local hospital and a subsequent barrage of barbaric investigations.
Only one week later my parents are told what all parents fear, a life threatening cancer diagnosis.
Thinking that they are acting in my best interests, my parents attempt to keep the stigmatising cancer diagnosis from me.
It is only when I read in a national tabloid about a soap star with the same condition that I am stunned into silence to realise that I have cancer.
Yet no one can even attempt to imagine the destruction and fear that the treatment can cause and, as an innocent eighteen year old, my story demonstrates eloquently the unexplainable and the psychological morbidity caused by an indiscriminate disease and the equally predatory treatment, but importantly I want to emphasize that cancer is very much about individualism.
Firstly, I am faced with chemotherapy and the horrendous, debilitating side effects that mere words could never do justice too, then more chemotherapy followed closely by six weeks of intensive radiotherapy and unimaginable side effects.
Struggling to come to terms with the uncontrollable and aggressive side effects and recurrence of cancer time and time again which leads to more and more treatment until, enough is enough and my decision that no more chemotherapy can or will be tolerated, whatever the consequences of that monumental decision may be and I knew what that was, without treatment I would die.
So, the story unfolds and highlights the respect attributed to my carers, particularly a young staff nurse named Sid, who takes it upon himself to reverse my self-destruct decision and persuade me to continue with more chemotherapy.
Unfortunately, even though I accepted more treatment, it too fails and when the cancer returns for a fourth time, palliative measures are initiated.
It is now that my parents, once again, without my knowledge, are told that this cancer is likely to claim the life of their son.
During this palliative treatment I would visit America and the humble and exploited Cherokee Indians in Ooconaluftee Village in The Great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina returning to the UK with a new found sense of inspiration.
Then, unexpectedly within months the cancer disappears.
A Love Affair with Cancer is a roller coaster ride of emotional negativity and positivity and yet throughout this incredible cancer experience Hawkwind was a constant inspiration, a driving force of unequalled parallel.
At times of deep emotional distress I would turn to the music of Hawkwind to pacify my inner senses.
In addition, whenever cancer treatment permitted I would travel the length and breadth of the country to see the band perform.
Naturally, family and friends are vital in the battle with cancer, yet admittedly, without Hawkwind I would not have survived!
They were, and are my lifeline, my escapism from reality, a diversion from the cruel descent of actuality.
Continuing with a poignant story unlike any other, I confess to making knee jerk reactions in a bid to conform to societies demands such was my feeling that I had missed out on so much so early on in my fragile life.
Sadly, the decision proves to be wrong and I enter a marriage destined to fail, but not before I would find the joy of parent hood followed only a year later by the news that all parents fear, a cancer diagnosis of my only child, even worse was to follow as it is revealed that Donna was expected to die from the vicious ravages of cancer.
The story gives an insight into the difficulties parents face attempting to come to terms with this news and the coping mechanisms that are needed.
Once again, I was faced with an end of life scenario, but on this occasion, it is not the threat to my own mortality that I feared, it is my precious daughter, Donna.
In August 1985 after six month of intensive chemotherapy, the Consultant said, “Donna is going to die”.
No one, no matter how strong can prepare himself or herself for that.
Naturally devastated Donna is taken home to be kept comfortable and to do the things she enjoyed, including regular trips back and forth to Blackpool.
On one of these trips, she met her hero, the wrestler, ‘Big Daddy’, yet he tells her that she is his hero.
Miraculously, after weeks of supportive therapies and the almost daily ritual of visiting Blackpool, Donna goes into an unexpected and unexplainable remission.
Eventually, she would start school and grow stronger and stronger.
As a legacy of treatment Donna was suffering hundreds of epileptic seizures each day.
But, the amazing Donna belies all of the odds to become a prolific swimmer, firstly joining a local club, before swimming regionally then receiving an invite to try out for the England swim team.
She ultimately represents Great Britain at the 1998 World Swimming Championships in New Zealand, unexpectedly returning with two silver medals.
Now faced with a decision in respect to my future employment, I had no hesitation deciding on a career in nursing but not before the difficult ordeal of returning to college to attain the requisite qualifications needed to become a student nurse.
But, it all pays dividends as I experienced a meteoric rise to the top, including working as a staff nurse on the very ward where I myself was a patient many years earlier and the very environment where I had received so much of the debilitating chemotherapy.
‘A Love Affair with Cancer’ clarifies the pleasure that nursing cancer patients can bring.
Subsequently I return to my hometown of South Shields where I am appointed as a Macmillan Clinical Nurse Specialist in haematology.
Here, caring for individuals with the same cancers that both Donna and I had, frequently using the same consulting rooms at my local hospital to discuss diagnosis and prognosis with patients, in the same way that on more than one occasion bad news was given to me many years earlier.
And so, I have now turned full circle and believe passionately that much of this is down to fate.
‘A Love Affair with Cancer’ reviews the long-term sequalae of a cancer diagnosis such as fertility issues and the most feared of all, carcinogenesis.
In addition, the book gives my personal overview of how and why I believe exactly what I do in respect to religion.
The book looks at the dilemma of divorce and that as a cancer survivor; this is an added issue to face.
Today, Donna has presented me with a Grandson and I continue to follow Hawkwind around the country.
The main difference being that the band knows all about my story and I am always invited backstage to share the after show parties.
It is with passion that I attempt to explain the desire and need to have a diversion from reality; Hawkwind provided what no one else could deliver.
The unique and occasionally tearful story draws to a close with the most unusual wedding ceremony as friends and family witness me walking down the aisle to the ambient sound of Hawkwind, one of my life long passions.
Yet, irrespective of all that has gone before, ‘A Love Affair with Cancer’ emphasizes just how difficult it is to escape the life long sentence that is a cancer diagnosis and the permanent psychological scarring that remains, but also how this disease can change your beliefs and philosophy to make you the person you are.
Without doubt, a cancer diagnosis leads to a number of battles.
However, without a cancer diagnosis and the experiences that went hand in hand with that disease I would not be the person I am today.
Therefore, for me, it truly is ‘A Love Affair with Cancer’.
‘A Love Affair with Cancer’ epitomises the individualism that the killer disease creates, but also how every day is faced with enthusiasm and fervour, optimism and an appreciation of life generally, a new perspective of life itself.
Yet it is noticeable through the chronicle that once touched by a cancer diagnosis, if you are fortunate to survive, then it is a lifelong legacy.
The statistics in respect to cancer are frightening, they equate to 1 in 3 of the population getting cancer at some point in their lives, and almost everyone knows someone that has been touched by cancer, the most feared disease known to society.
For anyone, a cancer diagnosis elicits fear and an explosion of emotion, while this book is aimed at offering hope and inspiration.
From the views and comments to date, it easily achieves that goal.
This story has three aims; to offer hope and inspiration to cancer patients, to help support friends and carers through the most difficult ordeal anyone is likely to encounter and thirdly, to provide an educational resource to health care professional understand the psychological burden that a cancer diagnosis elicits, even after many decades as a survivor.
Subsequently, I believe it is a must read for every man and woman alive.
John W.Pattison.
John W.Pattison
Born in 1957, he openly admits to having wasted his school years and left with handfull of worthless qualifications,strating emloyed life in a local shipyard before the spectre of cancer came along and set him on the experience of a lifetime.
Today, he still lives in South Shields with his wife June and passionately believes that his life has been governed by fate.
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