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Absolutely Fabulous
Ab Fab series 5 title card.jpg
Title card of the final season
Format Sitcom
Created by Jennifer Saunders
Starring Jennifer Saunders
Joanna Lumley
Julia Sawalha
June Whitfield
Jane Horrocks
Country of origin  United Kingdom
No. of episodes 36 (List of episodes)
Production
Camera setup Multiple camera
Running time 30 minutes approx.
Broadcast
Original channel BBC
Original run 12 November 1992—7 November 1996, 31 August 2001 – 25 December 2004

Absolutely Fabulous (also known as Ab Fab) is a British sitcom created and written by Jennifer Saunders, who also plays the leading character. Joanna Lumley and Julia Sawalha co-star, along with June Whitfield and Jane Horrocks. It was broadcast on BBC from 1992 to 1996 and 2001 to 2004. A Comic Relief mini episode was broadcast in 2005.

Contents

Background

Absolutely Fabulous grew from a French & Saunders sketch called Modern Mother and Daughter, which starred Jennifer Saunders as the mother and Dawn French as the daughter. Contrary to persistent popular belief, the show has no connection, other than the character's name, to the earlier film Eddie Monsoon: A Life?, a comedy play written by Saunders' husband Adrian Edmondson in 1984 for the TV series The Comic Strip Presents.... The name Eddy Monsoon is derived from Edmondson's name and is a nickname of his.

According to an article published in The Times, the PR guru who inspired the Edina character played by Jennifer Saunders was Lynne Franks.[1] Franks believed Saunders had observed her and her children in detail after joining them on a family holiday. Josh Howie, Franks' son, reported that his mother was upset because one of her best friends "had taken the piss out of her" in a TV show.[1]

Cast

Main

Supporting

Plot

Edina Monsoon and Patsy Stone are two immature, chain-smoking, alcoholic, prosperous but preposterous substance-abusing fashion and fad-obsessed Londoners who value fame and style over substance. Saffron, Edina's adolescent daughter, provides the persistently dour voice of Edina and Patsy's super-ego. Edina and Saffy live in a house in Holland Park (although most who visit the house describe it as Shepherds Bush much to Eddy's annoyance), with Patsy spending most of her time there as well. Saffy acts as a carer to some degree to Eddy, who appears incapable of performing any domestic tasks.

The programme circles around Eddy's ongoing struggle to achieve fame, success and a slender figure amidst the disapproval of her daughter and the constant presence of her increasingly senile mother. Throughout, Patsy is at her side encouraging the behaviours that are constantly causing her conflict. Much of the comedy of the show is physical, usually derived from Edina and Patsy's drunken and/or stoned states. The mutual loathing between Saffy and Patsy, as each tries to guide Edina's behaviour, also makes for many comic situations. A recurring gag found new ways for Edina to fall headfirst out of cars, windows, or down her kitchen stairs at least once every season.

Saffy sees Patsy as a bad influence on her mother, and sees her behaviour as restricting her mother's freedom, such as Patsy's refusal to allow Eddy to have a boyfriend. Saffy often tries to encourage her mother to see men.

Characters

Eddy

Edwina Margaret Rose Monsoon, an only child, was born on 6 August 1952 in London. She later changed her name to Edina and is nearly always called Eddy; only her mother and ex-husband Justin call her Edwina. Edina is the owner of a successful metropolitan PR company. It seems that this stems partly from her being at the right places at the right times, and around the right people, from the late sixties to early eighties.

Eddy's self-image is based on 1960s counterculture and the world of fashion and celebrity. She is fixated on self-indulgence and her ideas of self-actualisation. Eddy subscribes to every trend that arises, including faux-Eastern new age spiritualism—she calls herself a Buddhist—and feng shui. She aspires to move in the highest circles of creativity, fashion, and celebrity. She considers herself a follower of the latest trends, but, having no real sense of style of her own, Eddy is actually a fashion victim, parading the latest fashion trends without understanding them or understanding what looks good on her. She is a die-hard fan of Christian Lacroix and is quick to point out "it's a Lacroix darling".

She lives in a nice Holland Park house, which she claims cost £1.1m, with her daughter Saffy, and owns a public relations firm whose only steady client is 1960s pop singer Lulu, whose professional relationship with Edina is hanging by a thread. In later years, this was switched to model Twiggy and Spice Girl Emma Bunton, who also went to school with Saffy.

Edina is desperate to give off the aura of success, wealth and fabulousness. Her outrageous but always expensive wardrobe is one of her ways of doing this, as is the constant renovating of her home. She is extremely status conscious, loudly clarifying that her house is in Holland Park whenever someone identifies the neighbourhood as Shepherd's Bush.

In an early episode, Edina says that she has always voted Labour, but she notes her disdain for New Labour in the 4th season. She collects hefty alimony payments from her two ex-husbands, Justin and Marshall. Saffy's father Justin is homosexual and for a time has a boyfriend named Oliver, who run an antique shop together. Marshall Turtle, Eddy's first husband, is the father of her homosexual and almost perpetually off-screen son Serge. Marshall later marries brash, scheming New-Age Californian Bo Chrysalis (Gaffney), who effortlessly rules over him.

Homosexual men play an important role in Edina's social self-image, as tokens of fashionability and political correctness. She asserts the former by claiming that "gay men love [her]" and the latter by claiming that "all [her] friends are gay". However, on one occasion, she seconds Patsy's accusation of a "gay mafia" conspiracy to explain their professional failures.

Edina claims to be a Buddhist, practising, in her words, "almost religiously". She also identifies as a vegetarian although she is seen eating meat on a few occasions. For dramatic purposes she had been described as being two stone (28 pounds) overweight. She frequently moans about being too fat; however, she hasn't the willpower to stay on any diet for long. She often says that one method she has used is to go shopping for clothes two sizes too small for her. Weak-willed as she is, she spends much of her life caught in an emotional tug of war between Patsy, her lifelong friend and corrupter, and Saffy, her sensible goody-two-shoes daughter.

Patsy

Eurydice Colette Clytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Rabelais Patricia Cocteau Stone – always called Patsy, or Pats – is the last of a string of children born to an aging bohemian mother in Paris. She and Eddy were childhood friends, and since her mother despised and neglected her—regarding her more as a rival than a daughter—she came to rely on the Monsoons for most of her food (though she has only been seen eating twice), shelter and comfort. The first few years of her life were spent locked in a room, and the rest of her childhood was dismal by Patsy's own description, without friends, parties or presents. She claims to have blocked out everything before 1968, though occasionally memories come back to her in the form of flashbacks. She is an outrageous, nymphomaniacal, past-her-prime fashion model and "ex-Bond girl" (although Patsy's only actual "Bond" film was Bond Meets Black Emmanuelle, Joanna Lumley was a genuine Bond Girl in On Her Majesty's Secret Service) who drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney. She shares a codependent parasitic existence with her old schoolfriend Eddy. This relationship usually results in hilarious, albeit dysfunctional, behaviour and over-the-top conflicts.

Patsy was born on 30 October, although her actual age is never clearly divulged, she often states herself to be between 39 and 43. In one episode ("Cold Turkey") a nurse guesses that she is around 65 years old. Patsy also has a sister named Jackie, whom Eddy abhors and who twice tried to kill Patsy with drug overdoses. Jackie intimidates Patsy into stating that Patsy is the elder of the two and says, in the same episode, that she is 72, to which Patsy's reply is "my God, then how old does that make me?". Patsy usually seems as hard as nails and as cold as ice, especially in her behaviour toward her chief rival Saffy, but she sometimes reveals a more vulnerable side: in flashbacks to her bleak life with her mother, in her overeager admiration for the awful Jackie, and in those rare moments when Eddy temporarily withdraws her friendship.

Unlike Eddy, she is usually conservatively, but stylishly dressed, and almost invariably wears her hair in a characteristic blonde beehive. She has a well-paying, do-nothing job as a fashion director for a fashion magazine, which she received after sleeping with the publisher. She then went on to work in "Jeremy's"—an exclusive high street fashion store, with celebrity clients such as Minnie Driver. It is hinted that Patsy has been involved in some questionable activities, such as adult films; she uses her knowledge from that time to blackmail Saffron's prospective mother-in-law. When faced with a situation that someone else might find alarming or disconcerting, Patsy often responds with a cool "right cheers, thanks a lot."

During the 1960s in Morocco, Patsy underwent a sex change and briefly lived as a man; but, as Eddy says "It fell off". In a later episode she becomes one of the few tourists to smuggle marijuana into Morocco. She is very promiscuous up until "The Last Shout", then begins to lose her power over men. In two episodes ("Door Handle" and "The Last Shout"), it is revealed that Patsy lives in the storeroom above Oddbins, a chain of UK liquor stores. She says that she has not eaten anything since 1973, having had a "stomach bypass". However before that she used to eat. She is shown in a flashback in the episode "Magazine" to be eating a plate of food. There are 2 other instances where she does eat. In the episode "New Year's Eve", however, she painfully chews and swallows a potato crisp, then is visibly shaken from having actually eaten something; and in the Christmas Special "Cold Turkey" she renders the entire assembly speechless by demurely asking for a small slice of turkey during Christmas dinner,

Saffy

Saffron Monsoon, Edina and Justin's daughter, was born on 17 March 1975 in London. Although most people call her "Saffy", Eddy usually refers to her as "sweetie", "darling", "sweetie-darling" and twice "little budgerigar" – meaning, according to Saunders, the voice of conscience in the household. Patsy, on the other hand, calls her "you little bitch troll from hell", "the bitch daughter" and "trail of cat sick", etc. As the ever-virtuous high-minded intellectual, Saffy is the perfect foil for Eddy and Patsy, enduring bombastic abuse and immature snideness from both, especially regarding sex. Many times Eddy and Patsy refer to her as being virgin, and even she herself makes comments regarding it but in the chapter "Morocco" it is made obvious that she is no longer a virgin. She defends herself by constantly criticising them both, remorselessly assuming the moral high ground and the voice of reason. However, her mother's neglectful ways, innumerable slights, and occasional outright cruelties have taken their toll, making her excessively serious and rather bitter.

Saffy is seen to defend her mother, especially from the controlling influence of Patsy. Saffy encourages her mother to have a boyfriend and an active sex life, something Patsy denies her (presumably for fear of losing the constant attention she craves). Saffy performs nearly all the domestic tasks (even for a brief period when she leaves home), due to her mother's complete inability to look after herself. Saffy was also the only one to grieve when her maternal grandfather died, in contrast to the complete indifference to her Mother and Grandmother.

She dresses conservatively and almost always behaves responsibly; as a result, many unpleasant chores come her way, and she frequently must rescue Patsy and Eddy from sticky situations. Despite this, Patsy resents Saffy so intensely that once she even sells her into slavery in Morocco. Her mother sometimes treats her affectionately, and in one episode even defends her honour against a married-with-children college professor who deceitfully tries to seduce her by punching him in the face. Throughout Edina longs for a more exotic, fashionable daughter, and frequently tells her so. Saffy, for her part, passionately wishes to belong to a more normal family, and is once arrested for spying on a random family for her "Observations Diary." Her older brother Serge ran away from home in desperation as a teenager and never calls or writes; nevertheless, he's Eddy's favourite child, even though she can no longer remember what he looks like.

In season 4, after completing her education, she writes a play about her life with her mother called "Self Raising Flower"; she means the play to be tragic and is confused when the audience starts laughing. At one point, she becomes involved with New Labour, and says her role model is Cherie Blair. In season 5, when she returns home pregnant from a stint of humanitarian work in Uganda, Eddy has nightmares at the prospect of being a grandmother until she learns that Saffy's lover, John Johnson, is black, making the baby mixed race and, as such, a fabulous fashion accessory – "the Chanel of babies!" Saffy later gives birth to a daughter and names her Jane; Eddy, however, persists in calling her "Lola".

At some point, Saffron became the legal owner of the house in which she and Eddy live; it had previously belonged to her father. In the final episode, she at last liberates herself from her mother and Patsy by throwing them out.

Serge

Serge Turtle is Edina's eldest child and beloved only son, fathered by Marshall. He ran away from home as a teenager, in a fit of desperation. He is revered by Edina, her favourite child and often used as an example to Saffy of what an ideal child should be in Edina's eyes. In the earlier seasons of the show, numerous references are made by Saffy and Edina to Serge's whereabouts, and he appears to keep in closer contact with his sister than his mother. In the 2002 special 'Gay', the story revolves around Edina and Patsy finally taking a trip to New York, where Edina plans to track down her hitherto unseen son, who she learns from her mother is homosexual.

On arrival in New York, Eddy and Pasty track down Serge to a New York bookstore and at first mistake his partner—a flamboyant and fabulous American, Martin—for Serge. Eddy is disappointed at first to find her son is actually a more reserved and intelligent man, something of a male counterpart to Saffy. However, she embraces her son, who finally reveals that he left because his mother couldn't stand his beloved books and burnt them. After a somewhat tense stand off, Serge agrees to accompany his mother around New York. The episode eventually ends with a flashback, showing that Eddy adopted Martin as her son in New York.

Mother (Mrs. Monsoon)

Edina's mother, Mrs. Monsoon, is a good-natured woman who often acts rather senile. She is despised by her daughter Edina but much loved by her granddaughter. She has an ambiguous relationship with Edina and seems to regard her with indifference, giving all her motherly devotion to Saffy. In the earlier seasons, she is a valuable ally for Saffy in her struggle for domestic control, often mentioning embarrassing facts from Eddy's and Patsy's childhood.

Edina addresses her, usually indirectly, as "The Old Woman," never as "Mother". Edina's insults never seem to affect her; in fact, she usually manages to drop a few hard-hitting but humorous insults of her own. Sometimes she recognises the eccentricities of Edina, Patsy and visitors to the house. At times she even seems to see the dysfunctional qualities in Saffy.

In the first episode, she is apparently not in regular interaction with the other characters, appearing only in Edina's flashback to her teenage years. By the second episode Fat she is in evidence visiting Edina's home to see Saffy. By the third episode France when she meets Patsy there it seems the two have not seen each other in many years ("Still blonde then?", remarks Mother); here Patsy seems to resent her and apparently the feeling is mutual. After this it is apparent that like Patsy, Mother is a regular visitor to Edina's home, and that Patsy and Mother seem basically to like one another, despite the odd snide comment.

Later episodes reveal that Mother had been a sort of surrogate mother to Patsy, whose own mother neglected her; however, their relationship is ambiguous. Patsy shows her some respect, even helping her and calling her "Mrs M". Mrs Monsoon sometimes makes condescending remarks about Patsy, even in her presence, once telling Edina that "poor dear sad old Patsy" is not a suitable or reliable friend. Mother has occasionally confused a transvestite for Patsy.

When Mrs. Monsoon's husband dies ("Death"), Edina infuriates Saffy by responding to the news with a blank stare and the question "Did he leave a will?". Mother doesn't seem to care much either, realising that she'll have a bit more room at her house. Oddly, in this episode, Mrs. Monsoon states that she was married for "nearly forty years". It was established in season 1, episode 5, that Eddy turned 40, the implication thus being that Eddy was born before her parents were married.

Mrs. Monsoon displays a kleptomaniacal streak at times, taking random items from Edina's household (mugs, ashtrays, clothing) and donating them to the charity shop she volunteers at. In season 4, episode 5, "Small Opening", she is seen to be stealing larger pieces of furniture and asks for Patsy's help to remove a wardrobe that has become "stuck on the stairs" that she is donating to Sheltered Housing.

In only one scene throughout the entire run of the show are she and Edina alone together, and it's an awkward experience for both of them. After season 3, her mental faculties begin to decline and she increasingly inhabits a strange world of her own.

Bubble and Katy Grin

Bubble is Eddy's personal assistant, played by English actress Jane Horrocks. The character speaks with a strong Lancashire accent, exhibits a daft fashion sense and acts in an apparently foolish manner. She is unable to remember the names of common objects or understand basic concepts. Frequent comedic dialogue between Edina and Bubble involves Edina dragging vital information out of her unresponsive PA. Bubble's function in the PR company is simply to flatter Edina's vanity by comparison.

Alongside her usual personality Bubble demonstrates rare glimpses of intelligence, even special abilities. She is revealed to be fluent in French but also speaks in French-sounding gibberish. Bubble has the most eclectic fashion sense out of all the characters. Her outfits are frequently bizarre, overtly theatrical and parodic of fashion.

At one point in the show Bubble is made editor of Vogue magazine but it is unclear that she took up the position, eventually returning to Edina's company. Bubble resigns as Edina's PA on two further occasions: Edina dismisses Bubble for gross incompetence but Bubble sues—and wins—the right to keep her job. However, the details of her job are unspecified and she is demoted to Edina's maid. Bubble later abandons Edina when the PR company is on the verge of a takeover. Damon (played by Antony Cotton) replaced her as Edina's PA.

Bubble's lookalike cousin Katy Grin (also played by Horrocks) is a slick but aggressive and arrogant television presenter who speaks with standard Received Pronunciation. Katy Grin shows no real affection for any of the characters and gleefully issues bitchy backhanders at the protagonists. She has an unnamed baby son born through artificial insemination from an anonymous father.

The creation of Katy Grin was due in part to Jane Horrocks' reluctance to reprise the role of Bubble as the show progressed, turning down the chance to appear in the 1996 special The Last Shout. When the series was revived Horrocks urged Jennifer Saunders to replace Bubble with the character Yitta Hilberstam, an Icelandic waitress Horrocks had played in Saunders' sitcom pilot, Mirrorball. Horrocks ultimately returned to Absolutely Fabulous when Saunders created Katy Grin for season 4.

Another character portrayed by Horrocks is the American character called 'Lola'. Lola worked with Bo and Marshall on their TV Ministry. The character appeared in the 2002 Special "Gay" and participated in Saunders' scathing parody of televangelism in the USA.

Sarah

Sarah, played by Naoko Mori, is a quiet, shy, studious girl and Saffron's best friend since childhood. In the beginning of the series, she rarely drinks, but by season 4, Sarah carried a flask in her jacket, drinking even while working as the stagehand on Saffron's play. Sarah is Saffron's Patsy-figure in tempting Saffy to try drinking alcohol and teasing her about her romantic endeavours, real or imagined. Because of her timid demeanour, Sarah is often the subject of Edina's derision and physical abuse. Edina consistently refers to her as "Titicaca" and once set her hair on fire with a candle. This triggered Sarah to seek professional counselling, which seemed to drive her into a deeper state of imbalance. In the seasons 4 and 5, Sarah starts to unravel, becoming more and more unstable, and eventually takes to stalking Spice Girl Emma Bunton, another friend of Saffron's. At this point, Saffy realises Sarah needs more professional help and reports her to the police.

Justin

Justin is Saffron's father and Edina's second ex-husband. He is homosexual and keeps an antique shop with his partner Oliver, a frequent guest in the earlier seasons. Justin tries hard to be the best father he can to Saffron and the two of them have what is probably the healthiest relationship on the show; however, he sometimes seems quite afraid of Edina, and it is never explained why he left the infant Saffy in her care. Justin and Edina put up with each other for Saffron's sake but are not always successful in carrying out this charade. At times Edina seems to be extremely bitter over the dissolution of their marriage, and she is also jealous of the warm relationship he shares with Saffy. Patsy and Justin have a variable relationship. They often act antagonistically toward each other, but other times seem to get along well. Oliver and Saffy are friends, even though he despises Patsy and loathes Edina. Justin is revealed to be Canadian and usually walks with a cane.

Marshall

Marshall Turtle is Edina's first husband and father to Serge, Saffy's half-brother who managed to escape the Monsoon household early on. Numerous references are made to Serge throughout the series, but he is only seen once in a special late in the series. Marshall is an unsuccessful movie producer in Hollywood who later begins pursuing other money-making schemes with his wife, Bo. Bo dominates him easily, and when he's with her he seems more like a young child than a husband. Early in the series, however, Marshall manifests a more masculine, adult persona when he appears with Sondra, a grief therapist, and Cherysh, a classic California airhead. Although Marshall is generally kind to Saffy, perhaps pitying her for having to live with Edina, he does comply with Bo's attempt to steal her baby to be sold through their own private adoption agency to Hollywood actors wishing to adopt. It was hinted later in the series that Marshall had some homosexual feelings, which he explored with a leather daddy.

Bo

Bo Turtle (née Chrysalis) is Marshall's wife throughout most of the series, although in season 1, she is one of several of Marshall's L.A. girlfriends. She is a loud and obnoxious American, but with warm and caring tendencies. However, on one occasion, she tried to steal Saffy's baby, but actually made away with the placenta. She is a nurse by training, but we see her in this role only once in the series when Patsy is living in New York. In the episode Birthin', Marshall reveals that Bo is currently a dental nurse, when she was trying to help Saffy deliver. Bo has many wacky wigs and costumes. She tends to have a drug and alcohol problem when she's experiencing hardships. Both Bo and Marshall experiment with different religious groups throughout the show, including Christianity, Judaism, and Scientology.

Bettina & Max

Bettina & Max are the often mentioned designer friends of Edina's. They were first mentioned in the original French and Saunders sketch 'Modern Mother and Daughter'. Bettina is the "Queen of Minimalism" and was friends with Edina when they were youngsters, much to Patsy's annoyance. She married Max, another designer. They first appeared in flashback in season 2's fourth episode, "New Best Friend", when Patsy was injured by an art installation in their minimalist home. This precedes a visit from the couple to Edina's home in the present time. The impending visit infuriates Patsy, leading to a serious falling out with Edina, who is trying desperately to prepare her home for the minimalist designers. However, upon arrival, the couple are completely disorganised, slovenly, distraught and at odds with each other, mainly it seems thanks to the birth of their son, a baby whom neither seems able to cope with. After Edina sleeps with Max, she ejects them from their home.

The two reappear in the 2004 special "White Box", when Edina hires them to redesign her kitchen. Max is now homosexual and they are divorced. Bettina is under heavy medication as a result of Edina's interference in her marriage. There are several contradictions about these characters. In the season 1 episode "France", it is stated that Edina is in fact designing Bettina's kitchen as the first of her forays into interior design. In "White Box" it is stated that Bettina and Max's only child is a daughter, rather than a son. The daughter had herself taken into the care of the local authority.

Jackie Stone & Patsy's Mother

Two members of Patsy's family are seen in the course of the series. Her mother, an Absinthe swilling, bohemian nymphomaniac (portrayed by Eleanor Bron), is seen in flashback in three episodes, and was said by Jackie to have given birth to a numerous amount of illegitimate children, with Jackie and Patsy being the last of them. This technically makes Jackie and Patsy half-sisters. In the season 1 episode "Magazine", Patsy recalls the misery of her upbringing for Saffy's benefit, which ends with her mother dying in a retirement home. In the season 2 episode "Birth" Patsy again recalls her relationship with her mother, this time recalling the trauma of her birth. Another flashback sequence in the season 5 episode "Cold Turkey" explains Patsy's aversion to celebrating Christmas thanks to her mother's hatred of the holiday.

Patsy's sister "Jackie" appears in two separate episodes. In the season 3 episode "Happy New Year" Jackie (played by Kate O'Mara), visits Patsy and Edina on New Year's Eve 1994, hoping to be able to stay for the long term at Edina's house. Patsy aids her in stealing money and jewellery from Edina, before Jackie returns to Paris to run her charity for unwanted cats. In the course of the episode, it is revealed that there are many other Stone siblings, but nobody knows how many, as their mother "was such a slut". Jackie also forces Patsy to claim that she is the older of the two, by burning her with a cigarette. Jackie admits to being 72 years old when she is alone with Patsy. Jackie later returns in the season 5 episode "Cold Turkey", when she is summoned to the hospital where Patsy is feared to be dying, apparently from the effects of a voodoo doll in Jackie's possession. In the hospital, the two sisters recall how Jackie stole the 'only man Patsy ever loved'. After forcing Patsy to leave her everything in her will, Jackie prepares to murder Patsy through a massive heroin overdose. However, it is Jackie who is discovered dead the next morning, the implication being that Patsy managed to switch the tables and that she in fact murdered Jackie.

Fleur, Catriona & Magda

Three recurring characters throughout all the AbFab seasons are Fleur, Catriona and Magda, played by Harriet Thorpe, Helen Lederer and Kathy Burke respectively. Initially, the three appear in season one, episode six, "Magazine" as colleagues of Patsy's. Magda is the editor of the magazine where Patsy is Fashion Director, whereas Fleur and Catriona are either editors or directors of other departments—their roles never being specified. Fleur is obsessed with make up, whereas Catriona just wants to feature her friends in the magazine at every opportunity. Magda speaks in headlines in a thick Cockney accent and rarely constructs a complete sentence, whereas Fleur and Catriona seem extremely dim.

All three reappear at the beginning of season two, in the first episode "Hospital", when they gather around Patsy's hospital bed, prior to her plastic surgery. When Patsy visits the magazine's office again in episode 4, "New Best Friend", Fleur and Catriona are present discussing expensive beauty treatments that 'don't get you anything', while Magda is only mentioned. In this episode the office is populated by Hamish, the magazine's eloquent restaurant critic, played by Jennifer Saunders' husband, Adrian Edmondson; Carmen, a filthy mouthed travel writer played by Jo Brand; and Suzy, the layout artist who spends all her time playing video games, played by Meera Syal.

In the season 3 episode "Fear" the trio meet up in Edina's kitchen, after the magazine has closed. Magda is appointed the new editor of HQ magazine in New York, taking Patsy with her and Edina offers Catriona the job of her PA, having fired Bubble. Fleur states she intends to fall back on her Revlon connections to find work. In the two part special in 1996, "The Last Shout", Catriona is still working as Edina's PA, although this seems to be temporary while Bubble is away editing French Vogue. Fleur and Magda are both guests at Saffron's wedding, which is the last time Magda appears in the series. By season 4, it seems that Fleur and Catriona have now become friends with Edina and Katy Grin. In episode four, "Donkey" they are part of a regular dining group with Edina, Patsy and Katy, and by the final episode of season 4, "Menopause", both are working for Edina in her TV production company. Catriona then joins 'Menopausals Anonymous' and attends a meeting held in Edina's house. The two appear again in the special "Gay", having returned from London Fashion Week with Patsy. In season five, episode six, "Schmoozin'", Fleur and Catriona appear to be working at 'Jeremy's' with Patsy and intend to complain to Jeremy about Patsy's behaviour. They rescind this when Patsy threatens to kill Fleur. Their final appearance is in the 2003 Christmas Special, "Cold Turkey" (aka "Drinkin'") when they visit Patsy in hospital.

Like Bubble, the two characters seem extremely dimwitted, but somehow manage to hold down jobs at various magazines or shops. Catriona often appears to be oblivious of any conversations taking place around her, and indeed when the magazine they all work for closes, it isn't until much later, back at Edina's house, that she grasps the news, having been "in the loo" when the closure was announced.

Claudia Bing

A rival played by Celia Imrie running a more successful PR agency (Bing, Bing, Bing & Bing) who seems to pick up her remaining clients. Claudia generally seems to have relatively unoriginal ideas and is probably less creative and talented than Edina - however, she often beats her by working hard.

Episodes

Absolutely Fabulous first aired on 12 November 1992, and ran for three seasons until 4 May 1995, when the sixth episode of season 3 was billed as the last-ever episode. However, the following year in November 1996, two specials, called "The Last Shout", were broadcast and were also billed as the last-ever episodes. Both 'last episodes' featured end sequences with flashes to the future. However, after writing Mirrorball, Jennifer Saunders decided she had more ideas,[2 ],l leading to a fourth season, which premiered on 31 August 2001 the fourth season premiered. A fifth season and three specials followed, the last of which aired on 25 December 2004. In July 2005, Saunders announced she would not be writing or playing Edina again, stating "The 6am calls to go to make-up and all the promotional work wear you down. I would like to write and direct — that would be my joy".

Both Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders reunited for the M&S Christmas advert in 2009 along with other stars such as Twiggy and Stephen Fry. Lumley narrates the advert starting with "Christmas wouldn't be christmas without..." During their spot Saunders says "Stuffing" to which Lumley replies in the style of Patsy "Your Face!" before adding "Sweetie" one of the shows catchphrases.[3]

Special guests

Many celebrities appeared in the series, most of them as themselves. They include:

Comedy partner: Dawn French

In the first season, Saunders' long term comedy partner, Dawn French guest starred as a morning television presenter in the episode titled "Magazine". French's character was called Kathy and did not actually appear with Saunders. She instead appears in the scene where Patsy must dress Saffy and "Mrs M" in fashionable clothes and puts Saffy in a silver chain link dress with letters hanging off.

This episode is also where we see a bit of Patsy's softer side and we are introduced to her mother who did not want her, played by Eleanor Bron.

Theme song

The theme song for Ab Fab is called This Wheel's on Fire written by Bob Dylan and Rick Danko and performed in this instance by Julie Driscoll and Adrian Edmondson. The song was also sung by Marianne Faithfull and P. P. Arnold for The Last Shout Special in 1996. This version does not appear on the new BBC Video DVD release. Hermine Demoriane sang a French version of the theme song over the closing credits of the episode 'Paris'. More recently, it has been sung by Blondie lead singer, Debbie Harry along with Saunders' husband Adrian Edmondson as well, who also guest-starred in the 2002 Christmas Special "Gay".

Due to copyright issues, the theme song is missing from many of the US Region 1 DVDs, being replaced by an instrumental version of the song. Also excised from the US DVD release is the musical number from "Chicago" performed by Horrocks, Gaffney and Ryan, during a dream sequence in season 5, "Birthin'"

In addition to the official theme song, in 1994, the Pet Shop Boys recorded a song for Comic Relief using excerpts of dialogue from the series put to dance music. The music video featured clips from the show and specially recorded footage of the Pet Shop Boys with Patsy and Edina.

Other countries

In the United States, Absolutely Fabulous has been broadcast on Comedy Central, PBS, BBC America, and Oxygen Network. In Canada, since 1994, all episodes have been broadcast on BBC Canada, the CBC and The Comedy Network. In Australia, all seasons were originally shown on the ABC, and on cable it aired on UK.TV and moved to The Comedy Channel in 2007. Repeats of the first three seasons were also shown on the Seven Network. The ABC continues to show it sporadically and shows Christmas Specials and occasional repeats of season 5 or 6 episodes. In Portugal it was shown in RTP2. In Serbia, the first season was aired in 1998, through a network of local television stations; in 2004 the series was aired in its entirety on B92 while in the Czech Republic all episodes have been shown. In the Republic of Macedonia, all episodes have been shown a couple of times on Sitel. In the Netherlands, the series is popular, still being broadcast by the VPRO. In Sweden, the show is broadcast by TV4 Plus. In Germany, it was broadcast by the franco-German TV network arte and is currently shown on TIMM. In France, before it was rerun on terrestrial TV arte, it was successively premiered on Pay TV channel Canal +,cable channel Jimmy and is now broadcast on France 4. In Finland, the series was broadcast by YLE TV1. In Estonia, the series was broadcasted by ETV. In Brazil it was aired on Multishow. In Poland, two seasons were broadcast by Wizja Jeden, later by TVP3 and BBC Entertainment. New Zealand broadcast all five seasons on TVNZ One which is free to air and UK.TV Broadcast from 2007—2008 All five seasons. In India, all five seasons, including the specials, have been shown on BBC Entertainment.

Remakes

Absolutely Fabulous inspired a French feature film, called Absolument fabuleux, in 2001. This was written and directed by Gabriel Aghion, and starred Josiane Balasko as Eddy and Nathalie Baye as Patsy. Jennifer Saunders had a small cameo alongside Catherine Deneuve as a spectator at a fashion show. Amanda Lear was asked to play the part of Patsy but turned it down laughingly, saying she'd "already lived it".

A proposed American remake that would have starred Carrie Fisher and Barbara Carrera was put into motion by Roseanne Barr but never got off the ground. However, Barr did incorporate many elements of the show into the final season of her eponymous show Roseanne in which her character wins the lottery, Saunders and Lumley reprise their Absolutely Fabulous characters Edina and Patsy. Mo Gaffney also appeared in the episode, but not as her character Bo.[2 ]

An American sitcom called High Society was not a direct remake of Absolutely Fabulous but was clearly inspired by it. This toned-down adaptation starred Jean Smart and Mary McDonnell and lasted only a shortened single season, but did garner an Emmy nomination for Jayne Meadows in the role of McDonnell's character's mother.

The American sitcom Cybill, which was not directly intended as a remake, shared some elements of Ab Fab's comedic style, particularly in the boozy, campy antics of Christine Baranski's Maryanne.

In 2000, a short-lived Canadian adaptation called P.R., starring Diane Flacks and Ellie Harvie, also aired.

It was announced on October 7, 2008 that an American version of the series was in the works. The series was to be relocated to Los Angeles. Saturday Night Live writer Christine Zander worked on the new scripts and would have been executive producer along with Saunders and BBC Worldwide's Ian Moffitt. Sony Pictures Television, BBC Worldwide and indie Tantamount were producing the new series for Fox, which greenlighted the pilot as a possible Fall 2009 entry[4][5] with Kathryn Hahn as Eddy and Kristen Johnston as Patsy.[6] In May 2009, Fox decided not to commission a full series.[7][8]

Mirrorball

Mirrorball was a show written by Saunders that featured a completely different plot and set of characters, but starred all of the main cast of Absolutely Fabulous. It did not progress beyond the pilot episode; however, it ultimately inspired Saunders to write another season.

The pilot of "Mirrorball" is included in the Special Features of the American DVD release of the fourth season. Several jokes and plotlines of the pilot episode were used in the eventual season premiere of the fourth season of Ab Fab, albeit with the original characters.

Home video releases

North American box set release Absolutely Everything includes all episodes of the comedy series

Absolutely Fabulous was initially released on VHS in the UK by BBC Video ending with the 8-VHS box set Seasons 1—4 in November 2002. All episodes were later released on DVD including a 5-DVD box set titled The Complete DVD Collection: Series 1—4 in 2002. All releases were distributed by BBC Video and 2 Entertain (after 2004) except for The Last Shout which was released by Vision Video Ltd. and Universal Studios.

In North America, all episodes have been released on DVD by BBC Video and Warner Home Video, including a complete collection named Absolutely Everything. The UK releases The Last Shout and Gay were released together in a collection called Absolutely Special in 2003. Another feature length special White Box was released exclusively to the American market and has never had a UK release.

Other releases include Absolutely Not, a bloopers and outtakes collection, and Absolutely Fabulous: A Life, a mockumentary including 15 minutes of new material interspersed with clips from the series. Both were only released on VHS in the UK, the latter was also released as a special feature on the box set release Absolutely Everything in America.

UK releases

VHS

In the UK, VHS releases were distributed by BBC Video (except The Last Shout which was released by Vision Video Ltd) and were manufactured until 2002.

Year Title Release Date Release Information Running time
1993 Series 1: Fashion / Fat / France October 4, 1993 Episodes 1—3 from Series 1 86:00
1993 Series 1: Iso Tank / Birthday / Magazine October 4, 1993 Episodes 4—6 from Series 1 87:00
1994 Series 2: Hospital / Death / Morocco October 19, 1994 Episodes 1—3 from Series 2 88:00
1994 Series 2: New Best Friend / Poor / Birth October 19, 1994 Episodes 4—6 from Series 2 87:00
1995 The Complete Series 1 July 3, 1995 Double VHS Collection containing all 6 episodes from Series 1 173:00
1995 Series 3: Doorhandle / Happy New Year / Sex October 2, 1995 Episodes 1—3 from Series 3 86:00
1995 Series 3: Jealous / Fear / The End October 2, 1995 Episodes 4—6 from Series 3 84:00
1995 Series 1—3 October 30, 1995 6 VHS Box Set containing all 18 episodes from Series 1—3 518:00
1996 The Complete Series 2 June 3, 1996 Double VHS Collection containing all 6 episodes from Series 2 175:00
1996 The Last Shout November 11, 1996 Final Episodes Special Parts 1 & 2 100:00
1997 Absolutely Fabulous: Absolutely Not November 3, 1997 The Designer Balls-Up Collection: contains bloopers and outtakes 58:00
1998 Absolutely Fabulous: A Life November 2, 1998 Mockumentary with 15 minutes of new material with clips from the series 78:00
2001 The Complete Series 4 November 19, 2001 Double VHS Collection containing all 6 episodes from Series 4 180:00
2002 The Complete Series 3 November 25, 2002 Double VHS Collection containing all 6 episodes from Series 3 188:00
2001 The Complete Series 2 November 25, 2002 Re-release Double VHS Collection - different packaging 175:00
2002 The Complete Series 1 November 25, 2002 Re-release Double VHS Collection - different packaging 173:00
2002 Series 1—4 November 25, 2002 8-VHS Box Set containing all 16 episodes from Series 1—4 720:00

DVD

In the UK, every episode except White Box (2004 Christmas Special) has been released. The North American release Absolutely Special has been released in the UK as two separate releases: The Last Shout and Gay. All releases in the UK were distributed by BBC Video except The Last Shout which was released by Vision Video Ltd.

Year Title Release Date Release Information Special Features Running time
2000 Series 1 November 20, 2000 Episodes 1—6 of Series 1 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery, the original French and Saunders sketch 195:00
2000 The Last Shout November 27, 2000 Parts 1 & 2 of the Special Collection of classic moments, unbroadcastable outtakes 104:00
2001 Series 2 October 1, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 2 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery 176:00
2001 Series 3 November 12, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 3 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery 176:00
2002 Series 4 April 8, 2002 2- Disc set including episodes 1—6 of Series 4 pilot episode of Mirrorball (2000), commentary by Jennifer Saunders and Jon Plowman, 12 minutes of out-takes, behind the scenes interviews, photo gallery 180:00
2002 The Complete DVD Collection: Series 1—4 November 25, 2002 5 DVD Box Set containing Series 1—4 Mock-velvet packaging box with each series individually packaged inside, all special features are the same as series released 720:00
2003 Gay September 29, 2003 2002 Feature Length Special Outtakes, photo gallery 45:00
2004 Series 5 September 27, 2004 2- Disc set including episodes 1—8 of Series 5 Outtakes, photo gallery 240:00
2010 Absolutely Fabulous: Absolutely Everything October 4, 2010 TBA TBA TBA

North American releases

In North America, every episode of the series has been released. All releases are distributed by BBC Video and Warner Home Video.

DVD

Year Title Release Date Release Information Running time
2001 Complete Series 1 March 13, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 1 180:00
2001 Complete Series 2 March 13, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 2 180:00
2001 Complete Series 3 March 13, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 3 180:00
2002 Complete Series 4 February 5, 2002 2-disc set including Episodes 1—6 of Series 4 240:00
2003 Absolutely Fabulous: Absolutely Special September 30, 2003 contains the two TV specials: The Last Shout and Absolutely Fabulous in New York (known in the UK as Gay) 150:00
2005 Complete Series 5 September 13, 2005 2-disc set including Episodes 1—8 of Series 5 240:00
2005 Complete Series 1—3 October 4, 2005 3-disc set contains all 18 episodes from series 1—3 540:00
2007 White Box October 16, 2007 2004 Christmas Special 44:00
2008 Absolutely Fabulous: Absolutely Everything May 27, 2008 9-disc Complete Collection including Series 1—5, Absolutely Special, White Box plus extras: How to Be Absolutely Fabulous: A behind-the-scenes look at Ab Fab, Absolutely Fabulous: A Life, Modern Mother and Daughter (the sketch that started it all by French and Saunders, Before AbFab: two French & Saunders sketches, Pilot episode of Mirrorball (2000), Joanna Lumley on Modeling, Rare outtakes, Photo galleries, Audio commentary on Series 4 by Jennifer Saunders and Jon Plowman 1186:00

Australian releases

DVD

Series 1 DVD cover
Year Title Release Date Release Information Special Features
2001 Series 1 October 3, 2001 Episodes 1—6 of Series 1 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery
2002 Series 2 February 28, 2002 Episodes 1—6 of Series 2 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery
2002 Series 3 July 1, 2002 Episodes 1—6 of Series 3 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery
2002 The Last Shout July 20, 2002 Parts 1 & 2 of the special length feature Classic moments, outtakes
2002 Series 4 August 8, 2002 Episodes 1—6 of Series 4 15 minutes of outtakes, photo gallery
2004 Series 5 (plus Feature Length Special Gay) April 8, 2004 3-disc set including episodes 1—8 of Series 5 and special Gay Outtakes, photo gallery
2005 White Box November 2, 2005 2004 Christmas Special How To Be Absolutely Fabulous outtakes, behind the scenes footage, celebrity voice messages on Edina’s answering machine
2006 Absolutely Everything April 20, 2006 9-disc set contains Series 1—5, Gayand White Box (does not contain The Last Shout) 2½ hours of special features

Footnotes

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Absolutely Fabulous (1992–2004), created by Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French, follows the absurd antics of drug-addled public relations consultant Edina "Eddy" Monsoon (Saunders) and her best friend, model, and professional hanger-on Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley), as they deal with post-Flower Power life, aggravated further by Eddy's infuriatingly intellectual, responsible daughter Saffron.

Contents

Series 1 (1992)

Fashion (1.01)

Edina: ..And if you're a bloody psychic psychologist how come I'm always having to phone you?

Patsy: What will you drink if you stop drinking?
Edina: I shall drink water.
Patsy: [Blank look]
Edina: It's a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.

Fat (1.02)

Saffy: You've been getting dressed for three hours and you still look like a bloated citrus fruit.

Edina: I mean what you two don't seem to realise is that inside of me, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.
Mother: Just the one, dear?

France (1.03)

Edina: [to Bubble] You, remember, cancel my aromatherapy, my psychotherapy, my reflexology, my osteopath, my homoeopath, my naturopath, my crystal reading, my shiatsu, my organic hairdresser. And see if I can be re-birthed next Thursday afternoon.
Bubble: [Crossing her fingers] Consider it done!

Patsy: The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.

Iso Tank (1.04)

[Edina's threatening to adopt a Romanian baby]
Edina: I wonder how you do go about it.
Saffy: I should imagine you would have to go to Romania.
Edina: Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one.

[Discussing the Romanian babies]
Edina: I'll just be able to send them back, won't I sweetie? Hmm?
Patsy: Sell 'em on. Mark 'em up, sell 'em on!

Birthday (1.05)

Edina: Sweetie, don't you need some help, or something?
Saffy: No, please don't. You've only ever used this cooker to light your fags off of!
Edina: Darling, that is simply not... No, that is true.

Bo: She's not handling this 40 thing too well, is she? I mean, golly, I wish I could tell her it's no big deal. I had a ball on my 40th birthday. I felt really strong, really sorted-out about it. I realized what a lucky, wonderful person I was. And whether in your 30s or your 40s, you're still the same gorgeous person. Enjoy life!
Mother: When will you be 50?
[Bo starts hyperventilating.]
Marshall: She hasn't started 50 therapy yet.

Magazine (1.06)

[Discussing Patsy's job at the magazine]
Edina: Anyway Patsy's got that job for life.
Saffy: You don't mean to say she's actually good at something?
Edina: No, darling, she slept with the publisher!
Patsy: And I'm bloody good at it!

Saffy: So what does a fashion director actually do?
Edina: Oh, darling, she gets a 50% discount at Harvey Nicks.
Patsy: It's not only that, I mean there is work involved, y'know, skill.
Edina: Yeah, course there is.
Patsy: I decide what goes in the magazine. Y'know, one snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high that the world is your gynaecologist!

Series 2 (1994)

Hospital (2.01)

Nurse: [Pointing at Patsy] Facelift.
Doctor: Oh it'll be a doddle. Grab her by the scalp, shake her up and down a bit and cut off the slack! Tomorrow.

Fleur: [Picking up face cream] Have you tried this? It's a triple acting, alpha-hydroxy acid natural complex to reactivate your skin making you... scientifically more beautiful!
Catriona: Sounds good!
Fleur: "Dermatologists and opthamologists tested non-acnegenic-.." I don't know what this means but it's forcing me to believe it!

Death (2.02)

Edina: I'm sorry, darling. It's just had some rather bad news today, that's all.
Patsy: I need a drink!
Edina: It's very bad news actually, Pats.
Patsy: Oh what?
Edina: I'm dying!
Patsy: You can't!
Edina: Well I am!
Patsy: Well what am I supposed to do if you die?
Edina: Get cabs!

[Discussing guests for the funeral]
Edina: God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken bastard, pig-dog-man, are you??
Saffy: You could just say "Dad!" I'd still know what you meant!

Morocco (2.03)

[Eddy points to her bag of "Pop-specs".]
Saffy: It's a sticker with a green tree on it.
Edina: Yes.
Saffy: What does that mean?
Edina: Kind to trees, sweetie.
Saffy: How are they kind to trees?
Edina: Well they ain't made of wood, how kind do you want!?

Patsy: [Feels her stomach in discomfort]
Edina: Have you eaten something?
Patsy: No, not since 1973.

New Best Friend (2.04)

Patsy: [About Bettina] She was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.

Patsy: I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, I was scarred for life!
Saffy: Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear!

Poor (2.05)

Patsy: [Running down the stairs with four cigarettes in her mouth] Light! Light! Light!
Edina: [Provides a light] Pats, honestly...
Patsy: Bloody hell!
Edina: Not another no smoking cab, Pats? They must see you coming these days.
Patsy: Bloody bastard asthmatic cab driver!

Edina: Can I just say one word in my defence?
Saffy: I don't think that's a good idea, mum, your mouth is working for the prosecution.

Birth (2.06)

[Eddy is throwing out her clothes as fire damage for the insurance]
Saffy: I could take these down to the charity shop.
Edina: Splutters. You cannot give these sort of clothes to the poor! Darling, I'm sure they've got enough to contend with without the added humiliation of wearing last season's, sweetie!
Patsy: Ey, Eddy, Eddy, remember that weekend with Mick and the boys? Laughs Fantastic!
Edina: Fabulous days, darling. [To Saffy] Patsy used to go out with Keith Moon, sweetie.
Patsy: Yeah, sort of. I mean, I woke up underneath him in a hotel bedroom once.
Edina: Yeah, still, that was going steady for the 60s, believe me.

Series 3 (1995)

Doorhandle (3.01)

Edina: Quick shower, quick shower... Wash and go. Sandpaper, exfoliant, cellulite breakdown, tone and perm, auto-bronzer and birch twigs! Shall I have soap? No, no soap.

Bubble: She told me you had a tattoo on your unspeakables!
Edina: I didn't!
Patsy: Eddy?
Edina: I didn't. Unmentionables, I said.
Saffy: That could be anywhere on her!

Happy New Year (3.02)

Edina: My New Year's resolution, sweetie… to have more fun! What's yours, Pats?
Patsy: Ohh, well, I think I'll just try to be more relaxed.
Saffy: You? More relaxed? What is that, dead? Well, that cancels out my resolution.

Justin: Did you have the same father?
Jackie: No one knows. Mother was such a slut.
Patsy: It could have been any of the men in any of the bars in France. Y'know, she was always the entertainment.
Oliver: Before slot machines?
Edina: She was the slot machine!

Sex (3.03)

[Edina and Patsy are looking at the pornographic magazine 'Razzle,' that Saffy found in her brother's room]
Saffron: It's disgusting! That is so degrading to women!
Patsy: What do you mean? She's got the whip!

Saffy: I think we should have a little talk, don't you?
Edina: Have you seen this, darling, this Nancy Friday? It's extraordinary! She gets complete strangers to relate their filthiest thoughts and then sells them as therapy. It's fantastic!
Saffy: Mum, I want to know what you're planning for tomorrow night.
Edina: Armpit kissing! Would you kiss an arm-..
Saffy: [Interrupting] I want to know!
Edina: Sweetie, it is simply the extrication of myself from the burden of sexual norms, and the restoration of my own powerful, and integrated sexuality.
Saffy: An orgy?
Edina: Yeah, that's the one.

Saffy: Ok, I got you condoms and femidoms. You are going to be safe, right?
Edina: Yes of course sweetie. [Looking in the bag] Did you open these?
Grandma: There aren't any fingers in these gloves..

Jealous (3.04)

Claudia: Next week's very busy for me. I'm launching Erica Jong's new book, 'Sex With Myself at Sticky Fingers.' Bill's thrilled, he loves huge openings!

Patsy: Anyway, I just have to tell these tragic, little wannabes, do you know what I tell them? I say, darling, "just stick your fingers down your throat, hack off your tits, keep taking the tablets and don't come back until you're looking like something!" Y'know?
Naomi Campbell: Yeah, I remember you.

Fear (3.05)

Mother: Talking to yourself, dear? That's the first sign of madness, y'know?
Edina: Really? I thought it was talking to you!

Magda: [on the phone] No, no, no, mate. I don't even get out of bed and piss for that kinda money!

The End (3.06)

Patsy: Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life you're better off just downing a bottle of whisky. At least that way you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously!

Bubble: Oh, the police phoned. They've released your mother.
Edina: Damn!
Bubble: Good, though, in't it? 'Cause they haven't had a record out for years!

Series 4 (2001)

Paralox (4.01)

[Eddy has started practising yoga]
Edina: Couple of weeks and I'll be bending like Madonna, won't I darling? I'll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions!

Mother: [Riding on Eddy's scooter] You used to have one of these when you were a girl!
Edina: Yeah, but I was never allowed on it.
Mother: No, you were too big for it, you wobbled.
Edina: The scooter wobbled!
Mother: If you say so..
Edina: I have perfect balance, [to Saffy] sweetheart, look.
Mother: Wheels don't buckle on their own.

Fish Farm (4.02)

[Edina and Patsy have just returned from a Marilyn Manson gig]
Patsy: She tried to crowd surf and the tide went out!

Edina: Right, time for another little drinky before we go.
Saffy: Where are you going?
Edina: New York.
Saffy: I didn't think they let people with drug convictions in.
Edina: Darling, it's not a conviction.
Patsy: Just a firm belief!

Paris (4.03)

Edina: [To Saffy] Why does everything you wear look like it's bearing a grudge, darling?

Saffy: [To Edina] You see everything but yourself! You always have the best view in the room because you're not looking at you!

Donkey (4.04)

Patsy: Eddy, y'know, your stomach's like a dog that doesn't know when it's gunna be fed next so it just hangs around until you wanna kick it.

Edina: I'm a fat person, that's the end of it! Me! The woman who got stuck on an eating loop in Yo! Sushi! I mean, honestly, sweetheart! If they keep it coming round of course I'm gunna eat it, aren't I!?

Small Opening (4.05)

Saffy: You burnt and scarred my best friend!
Patsy: Who??
Edina: Titicaca.
Patsy: Oh. [nods]
Saffy: Her name is Sarah!
Edina: Darling, she was standing with her little pigtails too close to a candle!
Patsy: Act of God.
Saffy: You were holding the candle!

Edina: We've gotta kill this play! C'mon, how would I normally ensure a flop?
Bubble: Promote it!

Menopause (4.06)

Katy: Alright, I know I'm late, so don't look at me like that. I've been up all night with the baby. I don't know why it cries so much. I've got friends who use exactly the same sperm bank and theirs is perfect!

Patsy: I hate gynaecologists! A man who can always look you in the vagina but never in the eye!

Series 5 (2003)

Cleanin' (5.01)

Edina: I don't want a great, big fat bum like J'Lo, do I, darling? Laughs I mean, how high have that woman's heels got to keep that nancy off the pavement now!

Bubble: [cleaning] Hoover, hoover, hoover...
Edina: YOU HAVE TO TURN IT ON, NOT JUST MAKE THE NOISE!

Book Clubbin' (5.02)

Mother: Well, I suppose I'd better be off. I've got to get this lot (her knitting) down to the charity shop.
Edina: Oh, God. No-one's that poor.
Saffy: Or that shape!

[Patsy blows her cigarette smoke in Saffy's direction]
Saffy: Cough Mum!
Edina: Oh, don't be so stupid, smoke can't get in there, darling. Smoke can't touch the baby. If it could you'd have come out looking like prosciutto, believe me.

Panickin' (5.03)

Saffy: Mum, you are just paying into the whole panic culture, I hate it. The world is actually safer than it's ever been. In fact, you're more likely to be hit by a bus!
Edina: Oh yeah, darling, that'd be ironic, wouldn't it? Closest I've ever been to public transport and it runs over me.

Patsy: I was at work today...
Saffy: Now we're all in shock!
Patsy: The girls were off, so I was on the floor...
Saffy: Nothing new for you!

Huntin', Shootin' & Fishin' (5.04)

Edina: Who bloody needs 'em? Upper classes, who bloody needs 'em, sweetheart? They're all inbred anyway, aren't they?
Patsy: Yea, just a talking neck! Most of them have done away with features altogether! They have to marry a bit of common every now and again to ensure bone development!

[Patsy and Eddy are trying to work out what to do with the pheasant Eddy caught]
Patsy: Oh darling, just do what they do with unwanted house guests. Drug it, and dump it in Hyde Park!

Birthin' (5.05)

Bo: Hi, hi, hi! I want you to know I am in complete control. I know exactly what I'm doing.
Saffy: I need the midwife.
Bo: I'm a nurse!
Marshall: A dental nurse!
Bo: [To Marshall] She'll never know. [Back to Saffy] Ok, open wide!

Saffy: It feels really tight!!
Edina: Of course it's tight. It's all that olive oil you've rubbed into your perineum, darling, isn't it? You've marinated it! It's good for a barbecue, not for birth! That's what you've done, darling.
Saffy: I haven't been using it! Not since Patsy put a chilli in it!!

Midwife: I've seen it. All tightened up, focusing on your exit holes and you know I tell 'em? 'When push comes to shove, you'll be screaming for drugs and shittin' the bed'

Schmoozin' (5.06)

Edina: Darling, who was your favourite Stone?
Patsy: Oh darling, you didn't have a favourite Stone, you had 'em all!

Exploitin' (5.07)

Edina: Anyway, darling, if you could harm a baby by shaking it, you'd've been a goner! Laughs Patsy used to shake you about, didn't you?
Patsy: Yea, when you'd swallowed pennies.
Edina: Yea, always swallowing pennies, weren't you?
Patsy: Yea, well we had to put them somewhere! You were like a little money box. Put one in, then shake it when we want it out again!

Edina: [On the phone to Saffy] Yea, alright, darling... Well listen to me, we're coming home now... Didn't you get my note?.. Well alright, that's fine, we'll come home now, darling... Yea, lets forget about education, shall we sweetheart? D-Dio..bio..versity.. and everything like that, sweetheart... We'll just come home now and live in the domain of ignorance, shall we, and watch Teletubbly videos if that's what you want!.. Yea, alright, we'll see you in a minute... No, I am not drunk! How could I be drunk? I'm at the bloody zoo!

Specials

The Last Shout (1996)

Edina: Right, darling, we'll go to the office and I can drop you at your interview.
Saffy: Interview!? I thought she just slept with the publisher!

Edina: [Talking about Saffy and Paolo] They haven't done it, y'know. I don't think she's ever done it. I mean, she can't be that unattractive, is she? Is she?
Patsy: She is a virgin in a world where men will even turn to soft fruit for pleasure!

Edina: Do you remember your first time?
Patsy: Y'know it's all a blank with me until 1968.
Edina: Oh, yea... God, I remember mine.
Patsy: What did you feel?
Edina: Well, just grateful, really, y'know.
Patsy: Why?
Edina: 'Cause you were always on my back!
Patsy: You'd think I'd remember that!

Edina: I was taken up, up to heaven and I spoke with God.
Saffy: What about?
Edina: Well, shopping mainly...

a Life (1998)

Gay (2002)

Catriona: It is so lovely to have everything back to normal after that terrible thing last year.
Edina: Yes, yes... 7/11.
Saffy: (angrily) What?!
Edina: Oh, you know darling... the 24/7...Oh, 7/11!
Saffy: 9/11!
Edina: 9/11, I knew that!

[Edina meets her son, whom she finds out is gay but quite dull.]
Edina: Darling, being gay is the best excuse you'll ever have not to be boring!

Cold Turkey (2003)

Patsy: ..And I'm partial to an injection of adrenaline straight to the heart.

Patsy: Jacks, I don't remember any good times.
Jackie: Oh yes, darling. Parties! You remember the party we had when mother died? That was a great time. How happy we were...

White Box (2004)

Edina: So what's the inspiration here?
Max: Holocaust.
Bettina: Don't you like it?
Edina: No, I love it, I love it, I think it's lovely, just thinking, perhaps something a little warmer…
Bettina: Max, turn on the pebbles.
[Max ignites an electric stone firepit.]
Bettina: COZY ENOUGH FOR YOU?

Edina: So [Max] has to take [Bettina] back to Broadmoor… she was only out on day release anyway.
Patsy: What's she in for?
Edina: Stabbing Kelly Hoppin with a glass shard at the design awards.

Cast

Regulars

Guests

External links

Wikipedia
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