Abysmal Crucifix is a heavy metal band based in Los Angeles, California. They have released four albums, two singles, and one semi-authorized bootleg.

Formed in 1992 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Abysmal Crucifix's original line-up included Girth McDürchstein on guitar and lead vocals, Robin Kelley on bass and harmony vocals, and Carl Davenport on drums. In 1994, the band split when Girth took the act including the songs and the band name to sunny L.A., where he discovered new members Little Riffs Nicky (rhythm guitar, harmony vocals), Mikey Parker (bass and harmony vocals), Jam Malone (keyboards), and Tommy Janofsky (drums).

Meanwhile, in Cedar Rapids, Carl and Robin both moved on with their lives. Carl became a modestly successful business owner, investing his college savings into the 1999 reopening of the Blue Lantern, an infamous tavern in Cedar Rapids' rough southeastern point (and site of many early Abysmal gigs), as a coffee shop. Robin works in the bookkeeping department at an Allstate Insurance branch in downtown Cedar Rapids.

Girth and his new Abysmal line-up recorded several albums on Girth's own label, Kelleystein Recordings: their 1995 debut Star Sex, followed in 1996 by Two Berries on a Twig, and the last in the "sexy trilogy," Delightlah! in 1998. This last album netted Abysmal its first mainstream renown, with the modest hits "Rolling in It" (#98, Billboard Hot 100, week of August 15th, 1998<ref>Hot 100 Singles. Billboard, Aug. 15, 1998.</ref>) and "Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay," which was remixed in 1999 by Girth's longtime friend DJ Koko.

In mid-1997, during the Delightlah! sessions, Girth met Margo Atwater, a struggling Los Angeles model/actress/musician, while searching for the perfect Delightlah! album cover model. The two became friends, and before long, they fell in love. In 2003, he proposed marriage, and she accepted. They were married in Las Vegas, Nevada, on December 2nd, 2005.

In 1999, shortly before the completion of Abysmal's fourth album, the never-released You Can Touch It for a Quarter, the band took a three-year hiatus from the music scene when Girth McDürchstein was incarcerated on two counts of first-degree homicide in Missoula, Montana. In 2001, Girth was released when new evidence showed that Girth did not actually commit these heinous crimes; he merely spent nine hours in a motel room with the corpses before reporting it.

After his release, Girth reunited with Abysmal Crucifix — with the exception of Tommy Janofsky, who was replaced adequately with a high-end beat box — to embark on a new project. Girth drew his inspiration for this project from two main sources. The first was a book he discovered in the prison library, the 1992 nonfiction journal entitled El Laberinto de los Diablos, a horrowing, first-person chronicle of drug abuse spiraling to criminal behavior and, eventually, suicide. The journal was purported to have been written by Chilean teen José Barrenechea, but evidence uncovered in 1998 revealed the author as noted Mormon anti-drug activist Beatrice Sparks. Girth also took inspiration from the mysterious circumstances of his conviction, Girth spent much of his jail time composing an epic rock opera, the likes of which have rarely been seen in popular music since 1979.

Intended as a satire of the news media — Girth still blames the "court of public opinion" for his tainting his case and getting him convicted — the story of this project, Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge', is framed around the night of a rock star's mental breakdown, and the tragic circumstances building to this night are explored through each song. However, unlike real life, the central dramatic question of this story is less "whodunit," and more "whydunit?" What caused "Girth," the fictional protagonist, to break down and commit one crime of passion and one crime of confused, drug-fueled mayhem? What made him cut himself off, building an emotional hedge maze to keep anyone from finding the way to his heart? Was it a tragic life, or was it the lonely nights he spent playing "Doom II" and "Quake III Arena"?

These questions, and more, are raised, answered, and sometimes dismissed in Abysmal Crucifix's 2002 release Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge.'

After recording the album with Abysmal Crucifix, Girth performed an exhausting world tour with a backup band consisting of Abysmal Crucifix and the most talented session musicians who would work for very small sums of money. Rather than a typical rock concert, the backup band became his pit orchestra, and Girth performed a complete, staged version of The Hedge in front of audiences from all over the world. The production costarred his soon-to-be fiancée, Margo Atwater, as "the Hired Companion," and after two months the production added an elaborate, twenty-three minute dream-ballet sequence entitled "Skullfucking Infants Estampie." This was later removed from the stage show.

In early 2006, Girth McDürchstein fired his longtime bandmates after an awful performance of The Hedge<ref>http://blog.girthmcdurchstein.com/2006/02/worst-night-of-my-life.html</ref>. He replaced them fairly quickly with former friend Carl Davenport (drums) and wife Margo Atwater (bass). The trio has not performed publicly.

On December 20, 2006, Abysmal Crucifix released a surprise holiday-themed single entitled "A Very Abysmal Christmas." A short two weeks later, their label Kelleystein Recordings announced they would be closing their doors.<ref>http://kelleystein.girthmcdurchstein.com/main.html</ref> Karen Hofstadt, former A&R rep to Kelleystein Recordings, explained in detail what she considers to be "mismanagement and imprudent spending" on the part of Girth McDürchstein<ref>http://geocities.com/abysmalcrucisux/hofstadt.html</ref>. On January 6th, 2007, Abysmal Crucifix released a free download copy of their illegally released You Can Touch It for a Quarter' Sessions.<ref>http://youcantouchit.girthmcdurchstein.com</ref> They have not officially announced whether they will record a new album or tour.

Discography

1995 - Star Sex<br>
1996 - Two Berries on a Twig<br>
1998 - Delightlah!<br>
1998 - Rolling in It' Single<br>
1999 - Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay' Single<br>
2000 - Two Berries on a Twig reissue<br>
2000 - The 'You Can Touch It for a Quarter' Sessions<br>
2002 - Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' I<br>
2002 - Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' II<br>
2006 - A Very Abysmal Christmas' Single<br>

Controversy

In late 2006, former Abysmal Crucifix drummer Tommy Janofsky founded a website called " Abysmal Crucisux" dedicated to defaming and disparaging Abysmal Crucifix and its current line-up. It includes images, audio, and scathing editorials written by former business associates, friends, and family members (including Girth McDürchstein's own mother!). Most important among the allegations leveled at the band seem to involve shady business practices, notably during the making of the never-released movie version of The Hedge<ref>http://geocities.com/abysmalcrucisux/sloane.html</ref>, running Girth's own record label into the ground<ref>http://geocities.com/abysmalcrucisux/hofstadt.html</ref>, and the apparent fraud of current bassist Margo Atwater's fashion photography career<ref>http://geocities.com/abysmalcrucisux/feinberg.html</ref>. Nobody from Abysmal Crucifix has gone on record to confirm or deny the allegations contained on the website.

References

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External links

Abysmal Crucifix Homepage: http://www.girthmcdurchstein.com

Abysmal Crucifix MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/abysmalcrucifix

Blog: http://blog.girthmcdurchstein.com