Adam "G-Unit" Suderman has been on the Ukrainian Chernobyl cleanup crew for nearly 65 years. Born in Yaschica, Japan on January 11th, 1916, he has been a key player in the organizing of the Icelandish forces in East Germany. Following in the footsteps of feminist reformers such as Jack Layton and Jesse James, he has made a name for himself in the sub-cultural framework of Japan.

Once considered taboo, Adam Suderman was quick to step to the defense of suspected child molester Michael Jackson in 1996, stating that "the free will of mankind should live on through our children, as well as those who touch them!" This quote has become the hallmark of the American dream. Several Republican senators have been quick to judge this kind and gentle Jap, but we know this is all political play, and only Bible thumping Christians would jump on the bandwagon of whistle blowing.

Back to the topic of Chernobyl, Adam Suderman took history on his side when he upheld the notion that "all the countries of the world should work together in peace to clean up this radioactivity. If we all come together in peace, we will be able to resolve this through the forces of Wicca!" Of course, environmentalists and hippies of the Northwest jumped around in their loin cloth butt flaps, taking no notice of their elongated penile pertrusions at the idea that such a prominent world figure was finally hearing their cries. "He is the one who has come to save us! Forget the Dalai Lama and his rehashed bean retoric! We will survive!" They burst out in song with the Queen classic "WE WILL ROCK YOU" while carrying on with the head-smashed-in-buffalo-hunt. The next day, Native American Indians flocked to the nearest town and village to use the public telephones, wanting to book Adam Suderman in order to devise a revolt against the Canadian Forces, of which they outnumber. In exchange for Suderman's services, the Indian's decided to trade 500kg of black market Salmon and two packs of tinsel and men's thongs imported from Malaysia (stating American made men's thongs were too large for the Japanese male part).

This was in 1852, of course. But now, let's look into the year 2000... come with me on a voyage into the clouds, a place of mysticism and eroticism mixed up in a vat of pumpkin pie... yessss.... feel it!

Close your eyes....* image you are flying around in space as an austronaut. This is the feeling Adam "G-Unit" Suderman had when he first groped the corpse of Princess Diana in the backseat of a Taxi the night she died. Yes, little known is the TRUE story of her passing... The taxi was not moving at the time of the crash. No, actually, the taxi was sitting perfectly still in the middle of an underground tunnel in London parked to the side of the road. Adam was not the driver, he had already killed the driver. Instead he was having play time in the backseat with Diana, but accidently in a wisp of delight his 5 inch thick spectacles fell from his greasy nostrils and landed on Diana's g-spot, immediately piercing her flesh and killing her instantly.

Silence.

Since then Adam Suderman has been living under disguise- a viel of mystery. He is now believed to be living near the Chernobyl reactor, marinating his ork like body in radioactive decay trying to further mutate his body to look more Jewish, while retaining his shemale qualities.

Long live the Protector of human rights!