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| All in the Family | |
|---|---|
 The title screen as seen in the opening credits |
|
| Format | Sitcom |
| Created by | Norman Lear (based on Till Death Us Do Part, created by Johnny Speight) |
| Starring | Carroll O'Connor Jean Stapleton Rob Reiner (1971–1978) Sally Struthers (1971–1978) Danielle Brisebois (1978–1979) |
| Theme music composer | Lee Adams Charles Strouse |
| Opening theme | "Those Were the Days" Performed by Carroll O'Connor and Jean Stapleton |
| Ending theme | "Remembering You" by Roger Kellaway and Carroll O'Connor |
| Country of origin | United States |
| No. of seasons | 9 |
| No. of episodes | 208[1] |
| Production | |
| Location(s) | CBS Television City, 7800 Beverly Boulevard (at Fairfax), Metromedia Square, Los Angeles, California |
| Running time | 30 minutes |
| Broadcast | |
| Original channel | CBS |
| Original run | January 12, 1971 – April 8, 1979 |
| Chronology | |
| Followed by | Archie Bunker's Place |
| Related shows | Maude The Jeffersons Gloria 704 Hauser |
All in the Family is an Emmy Award-winning American situation comedy that was originally broadcast on the CBS television network from January 12, 1971 to April 8, 1979. In September 1979, the show was revamped, and given a new title, Archie Bunker's Place. This version of the sitcom lasted another four years, ending its run in 1983.
Produced by Norman Lear, it was based on the British television comedy series Till Death Us Do Part[2]. The show broke ground in its depiction of issues previously considered unsuitable for U.S. network television comedy, such as racism, homosexuality, women's liberation, rape, miscarriage, breast cancer, menopause and impotence.
The show ranked #1 in the yearly Nielsen ratings from 1971 to 1976. As of 2009 it has, along with The Cosby Show and American Idol, been one of the only shows to top the ratings for at least five consecutive seasons. TV Guide's 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time ranked All in the Family as #4. Bravo also named the show's protagonist, Archie Bunker, TV's greatest character of all time[3].
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This long-running comedy revolved around Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor), a working-class, World War II veteran. He was a very outspoken bigot, seemingly prejudiced against everyone who was not a U.S.-born, politically conservative White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, heterosexual, and dismissive of anyone not in agreement with his view of the world. His ignorance and stubbornness tend to cause his malapropism-filled arguments to self-destruct. He often responds to uncomfortable truths by blowing a raspberry. He longs for simpler times, when people sharing his viewpoint were in charge, as evidenced by the nostalgic theme song, "Those Were the Days," the show's original title. (In the first pilot, the family name was Justice rather than Bunker.)
By contrast, his wife Edith (Jean Stapleton) is a sweet, understanding, if somewhat naive woman. She usually defers to her husband, but on the rare occasions when she takes a stand, she proves to be one of the wisest characters, for example in the episodes "The Battle of the Month" and "The Games Bunkers Play". Archie often tells her to "stifle" herself and calls her a "dingbat",[4] but despite their very different personalities, they love each other deeply.
They have one child, Gloria (Sally Struthers), who is married to college student Michael Stivic (Rob Reiner), who is referred to as "Meathead" by Archie, and "Mike" by nearly everyone else. Mike is part of the counterculture of the 1960s. He and Archie represent the real-life clash between the two generations: those who were born around World War I and those who were born around World War II. They constantly clash over religious, political, social, and personal issues. For much of the series, the Stivics live in the Bunkers' home to save money, providing even more opportunity for the two men to irritate each other. When Mike finally graduates college and the Stivics move out, it turns out to be to the house next door, offered to them by George Jefferson, the Bunkers' former neighbor, who knows it will irritate Archie. In addition to calling him "Meathead", Archie also frequently cites Mike's Polish ancestry, referring to him as a "dumb Polack" (pronounced Polock).
The show is set in the Astoria section of Queens, one of New York City's five boroughs, with the vast majority of scenes taking place in the Bunkers' home (and later, frequently the Stivics' home), with occasional scenes taking place in other locations, most often (especially during later seasons), Kelcy's Bar, a neighborhood tavern, where Archie spends a good deal of time and eventually buys.
A number of actors played multiple roles during the show's run:
The name of the establishment is Kelcy's Bar (as seen in the bar window in various episodes). However, due to a continuity error, the end credits[6] of episodes involving the bar owner spell the name "Kelcy" for the first two seasons and "Kelsey" thereafter, although the end credits show "Kelcy" in the "Archie Gets the Business" episode.
In a warning to viewers, CBS ran a disclaimer before airing the first episode (which disappeared from the screen with the sound of a toilet flushing):
'"The program you are about to see is All in the Family. It seeks to throw a humorous spotlight on our frailties, prejudices, and concerns. By making them a source of laughter we hope to show, in a mature fashion, just how absurd they are."'
All in the Family was notorious for featuring language and epithets previously absent from television, such as "fag" for homosexual, "hebe" for Jews, "spic" for Hispanics, "mick" for Irish, "dago" and "wop" for Italians,"polock" for Polish, "chink" for Chinese, "Jap" for Japanese, "gook" for southeast Asian, "spade" for blacks, and phrases such as "God damn it." It was also famous for being the first major television show to feature the sound of a flushing toilet; it became a running gag on the show.
While moral watchdogs attacked the show on those grounds, others objected to the show's portrayal of Archie Bunker as a "lovable" bigot. Defenders of the series pointed out that Archie usually lost his arguments by reason of his own stupidity. (It is perhaps worth noting that Alf Garnett, Archie Bunker's counterpart in the original British series, was far from lovable and used much stronger language that would not have been allowed on US network television.)
In addition to its candid political dialogues, All in the Family's story lines also included a sense of realism, and occasional forays into deathly serious subject matter, not previously associated with sitcoms. A 1973 episode, for example, found the Bunkers discovering a swastika painted on their front door. (It had been intended for their Jewish neighbors down the street.) An activist from the fictional "Hebrew Defense Association" showed up, proposing violent retaliation against whoever painted it, but upon leaving, he was blown up in his car, as the Bunkers watched in horror from their front door. To interweave illness, crime, or in this case, the off-screen violent death of a character into the plot of a comedy show was an unprecedented move.
While Archie's bigotry and short-sightedness were the focus of much of the humor, Mike Stivic's naive, liberal nature was on the receiving end of occasional jabs. In the episode Edith Writes a Song, where the family is held by African-American burglars, Mike attempts to intervene on Archie's behalf, explaining to the burglars how Archie does not know about the pain of ghetto poverty. One of the burglars, played by Demond Wilson and Cleavon Little, responds: "And you do?"
Lear bought the rights to Till Death Us Do Part and incorporated his own family experiences with his father into the show. Lear's father would tell Lear's mother to "stifle herself" and she would tell Lear's father "you are the laziest white man I ever saw" (two 'Archieisms' that found their way onto the show).
There were three different pilots shot for the series. The first, shot in New York in 1968, was named Justice For All in reference to Archie's family name (later changed to Bunker). The second, shot in Hollywood in 1969, was titled Those Were the Days. Different actors played the roles of Mike, Gloria, and Lionel in the first two.
ABC became uneasy and canceled the project at about the time Richard Dreyfuss sought the role of Michael. Rival network CBS was eager to update its image, and was looking to replace much of its then popular "rural" programming (Mayberry R.F.D., The Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction and Green Acres) with more "urban", contemporary fare (see Rural purge), and was interested in Lear's project. They bought the rights from ABC and re-titled the show All in the Family.
Lear initially wanted to shoot in black and white, perhaps feeling that it would emphasize the Bunkers' stark surroundings to greater effect. While CBS insisted on color, Lear had the set furnished in rather neutral tones, keeping everything relatively devoid of color.
All in the Family was the first major American series to be videotaped in front of a live studio audience. At the time, sitcoms were shot with multiple cameras on film in front of an audience (like Mary Tyler Moore and The Dick Van Dyke Show), and the 1960s had seen a growing number of sitcoms filmed on soundstages without audiences, with a laugh track simulating audience response. After the success of All in the Family, videotaping sitcoms in front of an audience became common format for the genre during the '70s. However, the use of videotape also gave All in the Family the look and feel of the classic sitcoms of early television, which had been performed live before a studio audience (including the original live broadcasts of The Honeymooners, to which All in the Family is sometimes compared).
In the final season, the practice changed to playing the already taped and edited show to an audience and recording their laughter to add to the original sound track. Thus, the voice-over during the end credits was changed from Rob Reiner's "All in the Family was recorded on tape before a live audience" to Carroll O'Connor's "All in the Family was played to a studio audience for live responses." (Typically, the audience would be gathered for a taping of One Day At A Time, and get to see All In the Family as a bonus.) Throughout its run, Norman Lear took pride in the fact that canned laughter was never used (mentioning this on many occasions); the laughter heard in the episodes was genuine.
The house shown in the opening credits is located at 89–70 Cooper Avenue in the Rego Park[7] neighborhood of Queens, New York. There are a number of notable differences, however, between the Cooper Avenue house and the All in the Family set: Particularly obvious, one may notice there is no porch on the Cooper Avenue house, while the Bunkers' home featured a front porch; the Cooper Avenue house was a two-family duplex, while the Bunkers' house was presumably a single-family home (as evidenced by a number of times Archie referenced the Jeffersons as living "across the alley", indicating that the Bunkers' and Jeffersons' homes did not share a common wall). The Bunkers' address was the fictitious 704 Hauser Street.
All in the Family is the first of three sitcoms in which all the lead actors (O'Connor, Stapleton, Struthers, and Reiner) won Emmy Awards. The other two are The Golden Girls and Will & Grace.
It won numerous Emmys:
It was nominated an additional 34 times.
Its Golden Globe Awards are:
There were also 21 nominations.
A particularly marking episode, that produced the longest sustained audience laughter in the history of the show, is the famous episode-ending scene in which the guest star Sammy Davis, Jr. played himself. Archie is moonlighting as a cabdriver. Davis leaves a briefcase behind in his taxi and goes to the Bunker home to pick it up. After hearing Archie's racist remarks, Davis asks for a photograph with him. At the moment the picture is taken, Davis suddenly kisses a stunned Archie on the cheek. The ensuing laughter went on for so long that it had to be severely edited for network broadcast, as Carroll O'Connor still had one line ("Well, what the hell — he said it was in his contract!") to deliver after the kiss. (The line is usually cut in syndication.)
All In the Family is one of three television shows, The Cosby Show and American Idol being the others, that have been number 1 in the Nielsen ratings for five consecutive TV seasons.
The ratings at the end of each season were:
| Season | Ratings Rank |
| 1970–1971 | #34 11,358,900 households |
| 1971–1972 | #1 21,114,000[8] |
| 1972–1973 | #1 21,578,400[9] |
| 1973–1974 | #1 20,654,400[10] |
| 1974–1975 | #1 20,687,000[11] |
| 1975–1976 | #1 20,949,600[12] |
| 1976–1977 | #12 16,304,800[13] |
| 1977–1978 | #4 17,787,600, tied with 60 Minutes and Charlie's Angels[14] |
| 1978–1979 | #9 18,550,500, tied with Taxi[15] |
The series finale was seen by 40.2 million viewers.[citation needed]
All in the Family was the launching pad of several television series, beginning with Maude on September 12, 1972. Maude Findlay, played by the late Beatrice Arthur, was Edith's cousin; she had first appeared on All in the Family in the episode "Cousin Maude's Visit," which aired in December 1971 in order to help take care of the Bunkers when they all were sick with a nasty flu virus. Maude disliked Archie intensely, mainly because she thought Edith could have married better, but also because Archie was a conservative while Maude was very liberal in her politics. Maude was featured in another All in the Family episode in which Archie and Edith visited Maude's home in Westchester County to attend the wedding of Maude's daughter Carol — it aired as the finale of the second season in the spring of 1972, fittingly titled "Maude." The episode was essentially designed to set up the premise for the spin-off series that would air later in the year. In the episode, Bill Macy played Maude's husband, Walter; it was a role he would reprise for the weekly series that fall. Marcia Rodd, the actress who played Carol in the episode, would be replaced by Adrienne Barbeau in Maude. The show lasted for six seasons and 141 episodes, airing its final episode on April 22, 1978.
The second and longest-lasting spin-off of All in the Family was The Jeffersons. Debuting on CBS on January 18, 1975 The Jeffersons lasted 11 seasons and 253 episodes compared to All in the Family's 9 seasons and 208 episodes. The main characters of The Jeffersons were the Bunkers' former next-door neighbors George Jefferson (Sherman Hemsley) and his wife, Louise "Weezie" Jefferson (Isabel Sanford). George Jefferson was the owner of a chain of seven successful dry-cleaning stores; as The Jeffersons begins, they have just moved from the Bunkers' neighborhood to a luxury high-rise apartment building in Manhattan's Upper East Side. George was considered to be the "Black Archie Bunker," and just as racist as Archie.
Other spin-offs of All in the Family include:
There were also two spin-offs from spin-offs of All in the Family:
A 90-minute retrospective, All in the Family 20th Anniversary Special, was produced to commemorate the show's 20th anniversary which aired on CBS February 16, 1991. It was hosted by the creator, Norman Lear, and featured a compilation of clips from the show's best moments including interviews with cast members Carroll O'Connor, Jean Stapleton, Rob Reiner and Sally Struthers. Reiner and Lear promoted the special the previous week on The Arsenio Hall Show.
The series' opening theme song "Those Were the Days"[16], written by Lee Adams (lyrics) and Charles Strouse (music), was presented in a unique way for a 1970s series: Carroll O'Connor and Jean Stapleton seated at a console or spinet piano (played by Stapleton) and singing the tune on-camera at the start of every episode, concluding with live-audience applause. Several different performances were recorded over the run of the series, including one version that includes additional lyrics. The song is a simple, pentatonic melody (that can be played exclusively with black keys on a piano) in which Archie and Edith wax nostalgic for the simpler days of yesteryear. The additional lyrics in the longer version lend to the song a greater sense of sadness, and make poignant reference to social changes taking place in the sixties. A few perceptible drifts can be observed when listening to each version chronologically: In the original version Jean Stapleton was wearing glasses and after the first time the lyric "Those Were The Days" was sung over the tonic (root chord of the song's key) the piano strikes a Dominant 7th chord in transition to the next part which is absent from subsequent versions. Jean Stapleton's screeching high note on the line "And you knew who you WEEERRE then" became louder, longer, and more comical, although it was only in the original version that audience reaction is heard to her rendition of the note; Carroll O'Connor's pronunciation of "welfare state" gained more of Archie's trademark enunciation and the closing lyrics (especially "Gee, our old LaSalle ran great.") were sung with increasingly deliberate articulation, as viewers had initially complained that they could not understand the words. Also in the original version the camera angle was shot slightly from the right side of the talent as opposed to the straight on angle of the next version. In addition O'Connor and Stapleton singing, footage is also shown beginning with aerial shots of Manhattan, and continuing to Queens, progressively zooming in more closely, culminating with a still shot of a lower middle class duplex home, presumably representing the Bunkers' house. (The house differs from the set however, in that it features what appears to be a glassed in sunroom, while the Bunkers' home, as seen in the actual episodes, features an open porch.) The camera then returns to a few final seconds of O'Connor and Stapleton, as they finish the song. In one version, at the conclusion Archie hugs Edith at the end, while another version sees Edith smiling blissfully at Archie, while Archie puts a cigar in his mouth and returns a rather cynical look to Edith.
In interviews, Norman Lear stated that the idea for the piano song introduction was a cost-cutting measure. After completion of the pilot episode, the budget would not allow an elaborate scene to serve as the sequence played during the show's opening credits. Lear decided to have a simple scene of Archie and Edith singing at the piano.
The closing theme (an instrumental) was "Remembering You" played by Roger Kellaway with lyrics co-written by Carroll O'Connor. It was played over footage of houses in Queens intended to represent the Bunkers' neighborhood, and eventually moving back to aerial shots of Manhattan, suggesting the visit to the Bunkers' home has concluded.
Except for some brief instances in the first season, there was no background or transitional music.
In "Meet the Bunkers" from the first season, Mike and Archie discuss with Lionel how Archie's parents had visited them a few months prior; however, later episodes suggest that Archie's parents had been deceased for several years prior to Mike and Gloria's marriage.
In "The Jeffersons Move In", Lionel announces that he is moving next-door to the Bunkers, along with mother, father and aunt; however, later episodes depict not an aunt, but his Uncle Henry as living with the family.
In early episodes, Barney Hefner mentions his wife's name as "Mabel", but the character's name is later changed to Blanche.
In "Archie Finds a Friend", Mr. Bernstein asks Archie how he celebrates Brotherhood Week, and Archie glibly responds that, as he is an only child, he does not celebrate it; however, later episodes feature Archie's younger brother Fred Bunker.
In numerous early episodes, Mike describes his first meeting with Gloria, reminiscing about how she was wearing jeans with pink patch pockets; however, a 1977 episode depicting how Mike and Gloria met, she is not wearing jeans, but a miniskirt.
Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (formerly Columbia Tri-Star Home Entertainment) has released the first six seasons of All in the Family on DVD in Region 1.
| DVD Name | Ep # | Release Date |
|---|---|---|
| The Complete First Season | 13 | March 26, 2002 |
| The Complete Second Season | 24 | February 4, 2003 |
| The Complete Third Season | 24 | July 20, 2004 |
| The Complete Fourth Season | 24 | April 12, 2005 |
| The Complete Fifth Season | 25 | January 3, 2006 |
| The Complete Sixth Season | 24 | February 13, 2007 |
| The Complete Seventh Season | 25 | TBA |
| The Complete Eighth Season | 24 | TBA |
| The Complete Ninth Season | 24 | TBA |
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All in the Family was a groundbreaking television sitcom aired on the CBS network from 1971-1979. It placed number one in the Nielsen ratings for five consecutive years in the 1970s.
(attempting to brand Archie as Jewish; referring to his parents)
Lionel: Uh, "David" and "Sarah"; two Jewish
names!
Archie: "David" and "Sarah": two names right out
of the Bible, which has got nothin' to do with the Jews.
Lionel: Now there you are, Mr. Bunker, you
should be proud of the fact that you're Jewish.
Archie: But I ain't Jewish!
Edith: I didn't know you was Jewish.
(Text of letter Archie writes to President Nixon):
Dear Mr. President, Your Honor, Sir:
I personally don't agree with all the contegration on the college campuses. Or them ecology nuts, who only see disaster in this great country of ours. But like "Duke" Wayne would say, "We came off the mat before when the going was tough." And I know that, so long as we all work together, this nation under God shall not diminish from the earth.
Anyway, my regards to your vice, Mr. Agnew. And special regards to Mrs. Nixon, and Tricia, who I know you wouldn't let drink no water, except in the best.
Gloria: Ma, anything interesting happen to you
today?
Edith: Actually, something interesting
did happen today. Oh no, that was yesterday.
Archie (addressing Mike): Poland. The land that
gave us rare and delicate dishes such as?
Gloria: Polish sausage is very good.
Archie: You ought to know, you married one.
Mr. Rabinowitz: In a court of law, you can't beat a station wagon filled with nuns!
Edith: (Archie) never trusted doctors. I think it's because he don't like to pay them.
Archie: Did you bring these things (cashews)
into the house?
Edith: Probably.
Archie: What do you mean "probably?"
Edith: I mean, probably I did.
Archie: But "probably you did" could also mean
"probably you didn't." That's the way it is with a word like
"probably"... right?
(Pause)
Edith: Probably.
Mike: You know, I don't think there's one thing
about us you agree with.
Archie: I agree with that.
Archie: I wake up on a Saturday morning, I'm
all alone. There's no note, no nothing. There's nobody here.
Edith: Mike was home.
Archie: Like I said, there was nobody here.
Archie: You give my daughter a baby, and you can't even support a goldfish.
Lionel: What we do is take all our spray cans
and shove them into special shelves. So what you could do is...
shove yours.
(pause)
Archie: You know, a guy could take that two
ways.
Mike: Yeah, but knowing Lionel, he probably only
meant it one way.
Edith: With all the money you pay them, can't the doctors help themselves?
Archie: What is that smell?
Gloria: Paul is burning incense. I think it's
nice.
Archie: It smells like a house of ill refute!
Mike: In today's society, if something doesn't
work, you throw it out.
Archie: Well, you don't work, maybe we'd better
throw you out.
Gloria: Oh Daddy, didn't they have any good
weather when you were growing up?
Mike: I think they invented good weather around
1940.
Edith: Oh, I remember some sunny days.
Archie: That must have been before we met.
Archie: You people involved, Lionel, with that
women's liberation?
Lionel: No, not too much. You see, we're still
working on plain old liberation.
Archie: These colored people are always trying
to use a social situation to raise their station.
Mike: That's right. And using you's gonna launch
them right into Cafe Society!
Archie: Every picture I've seen of God, he's
white.
Henry: Well, maybe you were looking at the
negative.
Louise: Was his death untimely?
Archie: Yeah, around lunchtime.
Archie: What do you want me to do? Spend $600
on a funeral for a guy who used to sit on my face?
Edith: He'll never do it again.
Archie: These sinuses are murder. They fog up
my whole head.
Mike: Well, that explains everything.
Archie: That's why your coloreds have to behave
better, they gotta act nicer, they gotta try harder...
Lionel: Yeah, that's right, we's like
Avis.
Gloria: If Michael gets arrested, they'll book
him and fingerprint him, and it'll be on his record. And then when
he goes to look for a job --
Archie: When? When? When?
Archie: I'm telling you, Edith, we're living in
a jungle. That's what, a jungle. But you know what I got?
Mike: Malaria.
Archie: When it comes to defense, democracy's gonna have to wait.
Archie: I ain't no bigot. I'm the first guy to say, "It ain't your fault that youse are colored."
(after the robbers laugh about their past)
Edith: I don't know how you can laugh through all
that misery.
Coke: Practice, lady. Practice.
Coke: What do we have here? Cash!
Edith: You can't have it!
Coke: I beg your pardon? Who's the crook
here?
Edith's Song:
Everyone is someone, if you love them
Love can make a hero from a chump
Love can make a useless man seem useful
Love can grow a flower from a dump
If you dare to reach out to a stranger
You may find you've found a friend indeed
'Cause everyone is someone if you love them
'Cause love is something everybody needs.
Archie: How did you hit a car?
Edith: Well, that's where the... mmm-MMMM-mmm came
in... You see, I was coming out of the supermarket with my basket
full of mmm-MMMM-mmm. And there was Mrs. Duncan with her new baby.
I took a peek in the carriage, but I couldn't see the baby too
well, he was all...
Archie: Will you get on with the story?
Edith: Well, I knew I had to say something nice
about the baby, so I went "Oh! Isn't that a beautiful baby!" And
when I went "Oh!", the shopping basket got away from me, rolled
down the hill and smashed into this parked car and scratched the
fender. And then, this can of mmm-MMMM-mmm... in heavy syrup...
jumped out and made a big dent in the hood!
(pause)
Edith: It was a freak accident!
Mike: Oh, I've decided it's too tough for me,
Gloria. I'm going to quit college and get a job.
Gloria: Oh Michael, don't be childish.
Archie: Let him be childish!
(Archie has been in the bathroom over 20 minutes
Edith: Archie! When are ya coming out?
Archie: Why, ya selling the house?
Edith: You've been in there for 20 minutes.
Archie: Who are you, the official
timekeeper?
Edith: What are you doing in there anyway?
Archie: I'm changing the tile! One more word out
of ya and I ain't never coming out!
Archie: I'm going down to Kelcy's saloon... where the only problem is closing time!
(trying to help Mike with his problem)
Archie: This is what you gotta do. Before you go
to sleep at night, sit down and say to yourself, "Is there anything
else that I forgot to do?" You could even write yourself a little
note... All I'm saying is, before you go to bed, look around, see
what's there... read your note!
(about having to fire a co-worker)
Archie: It's because of this depression, or
recession, or whatever they're calling it.
Mike: Nixon calls it a recent upswing in the
economic picture.
Archie: What I say ain't got nothing to do with what I think.
Archie: Can't you ask me an intelligent
question?
Mike: I didn't want to confuse you.
Wendell: Well, Uncle Archie... Let me make this
perfectly clear.
Mike: Where have I heard that one before?
Little Emmanuel: Archie! Por favor?
Archie: Yeah, pour some more.
Archie: Next time you want to time something, Edith, just let the sand run out of your head.
Maude: Did you hear me? I said breakfast was on
the table.
Archie: I heard ya. So did every moose up in
Canada!
Archie: Wait a minute... custard for them, what
the hell do you call this?
Maude: It's my own invention: Cream Of Wheat with
cheese... It's light, but it binds.
Archie: It looks like something I ate and
lost.
Archie: You're in my chair, Maude!
Maude: So?
Archie: I wanna sit in my chair!
Maude: Oh?
Archie: Ya gonna get out of that chair?
Maude: NO!
Archie: This country was ruined by
Franklin Delano Roosevelt!
Maude: You're fat.
Edith: Archie's got a lot of sentiment. You just gotta know where to look for it.
Archie: Why don't you tell them (the Puerto
Rican couple) about it? You speak their lingo, don't ya?
Hubert: What makes you think I speak their
lingo?
Archie: Well, figured you learned some of it
living up in Harlem.
Hubert: What makes you think I live in
Harlem?
Archie: You look it.
Hubert: What makes you think?
Mike: You know, it never occurred to me before.
Mickey Mouse is black.
Archie: Aw, get outta here. Mickey Mouse ain't got
no race. He stands for all men.
Mike: That's why Walt (Disney) made him a
mouse.
Gloria: Ma, have you been more forgetful
lately?
Edith: Forgetful? I don't know, let me
think.
Gloria: Ma?
Edith: Gloria, what did you just ask me?
Gloria: Nowadays, with simple hormone
treatment, there are no unpleasant manifestations.
Edith: Well, my Aunt Elizabeth went through this,
and she didn't get manifestations... she got a mustache!
(showing Edith a Disney World brochure)
Archie: Look at this, an all-bear band.
Edith: A naked band at Disney World?
Archie: Well, menopause is a tough time to be
going through, especially for nervous types. So he prescribed these
here pills.
Mike: Oh, good.
Archie: I gotta take three of them a day.
Archie: Oh, she's all right, but for the next couple weeks, but you can't expect to see the regular dingbat flying around here. Till these here pills take effect, you're gonna be looking at super dingbat.
Archie: Edith... If you're going to have the
change of life, you've got to do it right now! I'm giving ya just
30 seconds; now c'mon, change!
Edith: Can I finish my soup first?
Archie: Don't be bothering the U.S. Government
with the Constitution!
Mike: Why, you afraid the government might read
it?
Mr. Bradford: How would you describe Mr.
Grundy's drinking habits?
Archie: He seldom buys.
Archie: Oh well. All that "best buddy" stuff... it's all for kids anyhow.
Edith: Why are you asking me so many questions? So there's a little boy in the room. Is there anything wrong with having a little boy in the room? Is there a law against having a little boy in the room? It's nice having a little boy in the room. And if you want me to answer any more questions, don't ask me!
Edith: Oh, Archie, you're home.
Archie: No, Edith, I'm still at work. What you see
standing here is merely a pigment of your imagination.
Gloria: We have some more talking to do.
Mike: More talking? Gloria, it's 5:30 in the
morning. You've said everything there is to say... twice.
Gloria: You miserable creep.
Mike: You said that three times.
Gloria: Most people's mistakes don't walk in the front door and say, "Hi, Daddy!"
Archie: Just a minute, I'll tell them.
Mike: Well, you better tell the truth.
Archie: Forget the truth, listen to
me!
Mike: (to Gloria) Will you stay out of
this, please?
Archie: Hold it! She's making sense. And a husband
ought to listen to his wife.
Edith: Archie --
Archie: Dry up!
Archie: Them Sicilians are famous for two things: Spaghetti and revenge.
Mr. Vechino: (to Edith) A person like
your Archie makes you feel real good to belong to the human
race.
Mike: Yeah, maybe one of these days, we'll get him
to join it.
Mr. Vechino: (referring to God) He
sees everything! He knows everything we do!
Archie: Get outta here, you don't really believe
that.
Mr. Vechino: Yes, I do!
Archie: Then how come youse people are always
running to confession, telling Him what's happening?
Mr. Vechino: Now we're getting the truth! It's
because I'm catholic that you ain't helping me!
Archie: That ain't the truth. I'd say the same
thing even if you belonged to the right church!
(sorting the ruined laundry)
Edith: Look at this! You must have forgot to
separate the coloreds from the whites.
Mike: (incredulous) Archie? Forget to
separate the coloreds from the whites?
Mike: (turning off TV) C'mon, I'll
turn it on as soon as soon as you give me the first few lines of
the National Anthem!
Archie: Oh say, can you see by the dawn's early
light... what so proudly we hail, of thee I sing.
Gloria: Your Honor, as the baliff's wife, I
object to this kind of language.
Mike: That's right, and I suggest that Mr. Bunker
be held in contempt of court!
Archie: Until you start paying rent around here,
you're in contempt of house!
Gloria: How come you married Daddy instead of
(Freddie Witthauser)?
Edith: Well, I liked being called a "Goddess of
Beauty", but somehow it seemed more permanent when your father
called me a dingbat.
Archie: When I come home from work, and I say "What's new, Edith?", I want her to tell me what's new, even if it's twenty-five years old!
(regarding the Witthauser incident)
Archie: You're going to have to ask me to forgive
ya.
Edith: All right. Forgive me?
Archie: Then you admit it, huh?
Edith: There's nothing to admit.
Archie: Then what are you asking me to forgive you
for?
Edith: I don't know; you asked me to ask
you...
Maude: I invited Edith because I love her. And everywhere she goes, Archie goes. You know, like that Vaudeville act? There's the front end of the horse, and then there's Archie.
Walter: (Carol) was married before, she has an
eight-year old son, she's had half-dozen affairs... So in all that
heavy traffic, how did she manage that tricky U-turn back to purity
and innocence?
Maude: God'll get you for that, Walter.
Maude: Still fighting mental health, eh, Archie?
Maude: Archie, you have ruined my daughter's
wedding!
Archie: Well, that makes us even, Maude, because
you ruined my weekend!
Mike: Would you stand up and cheer if it was me
at the door?
Archie: Well that depends, Meathead, on whether
you was coming in or going out.
Archie: All them old Bible people, they was always eating meat, soon as they found out eating apples was wrong... Goats, lambs - who the hell ever heard of sacrificing a head of lettuce?
(looking up the right to bear arms in the U.S.
Constitution)
Archie: It's right there in your Second
Ammendment.
Edith: Oh no, Archie. That's the one that says
"Thou shalt not make any grave an image."
Archie: That ain't the Constitution, Edith. What
you said is the Gettysburg Address.
Gloria: Did you know that 65% of the people
murdered in this country were killed by handguns?
Archie: Would it make you feel any better, little
girl, if they was pushed out of windows?
Mr. Bennett: So how do you propose to stop
people killing people?
Archie: That's easy, you bring back the death
penalty!
Mike: Drivers don't mean to kill people.
Archie: Oh no? You ain't driven a cab yet,
bud.
Mike: I'm tired. I had a rough day.
Archie: Yeah, what'd you do? Bend your library
card?
Mike: You could never do what I did
today.
Archie: Yeah? What was you doing?
Mike: Thinking.
Edith: I don't want you going to jail,
Archie.
Archie: I ain't going to jail!
Edith: You never could get used to a
strange bathroom.
Edith: Maybe the answer has something to do
with people that come back from the hereafter. Like that milk
company.
Gloria: Oh, reincarnation?
Edith: Yeah!
Barney: Hey, do you know any Polish
jokes?
Archie: Are you kidding? I got one living in the
house with me!
Linda: Okay, Uncle Archie, you're on my plane.
Now pretend you're a gentleman flying first-class.
Mike: That's going to take a lot of
pretending.
Gloria: Was your father strict with you, I
mean, on who you went out with?
Edith: Oh, yeah. The boy had to be kind, and
thoughtful, and a gentleman.
Mike: How did Archie ever pass that test?
Archie: If God had intended white people to
dance with coloreds --
Mike: He'd have given us rhythm, too.
Lionel: Now we've been friends, and we can go on being friends. But when it comes to black, white, and all the other wonderful thoughts you have in between -- put a lid on that, Archie.
Henry: If they want to mix up the races, let 'em. But we're going to keep ours pure! No more of that cream into the coffee!
Henry: (to Archie) If you don't learn to keep your mouth shut, we ain't never gonna get rid of the pollution!
Gloria: Mr. and Mrs. Rempley. Have I ever met
them?
Edith: No. Neither have I.
Archie: What's this all about here?
Edith: Oh, I don't know. I won't know until
tomorrow.
Archie: You know, you better keep a sharp
lookout.
Edith: What for?
Archie: For the dingbat catcher.
Edith: Your letter said you was coming
tomorrow night.
Ruth Rempley: I wrote the letter yesterday. So
when I said "tomorrow", I meant today.
Edith: But I read the letter today. And when you
read "tomorrow" today, tomorrow is tomorrow.
Edith: (opening a package of perfume) Chanel No.5! That's their highest number!
Ruth Rempley: We were drowning. Swinging saved
us!
Edith: I think I would rather have drowned.
Archie: First time in my life, I bowled a 227
game. Now what do you got to say about that?
Edith: I was arrested.
Archie: No dice to no psychiatrist!
Mike: Why not?
Archie: Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist
ought to have his head examined!
Edith: How was your day?
Mike: Well, it was rough, ma --
Archie: Wait a minute, she's asking me about
my day, not yours.
Mike: Since when do you own the day? I had a day,
too.
Archie: She's asking me about my day,
right, Edith?
Edith: Yeah. I was gonna ask you, Mike, but I was
asking Archie first. How was your day?
Archie: I don't wanna talk about it.
Archie: Lucky me. I got the only Polack who
showers regularly.
Mike: Here's a dime, Arch.
Archie: Oh, a dime ain't going to pay for all your
showers.
Mike: No, but it'll pay for yours.
Edith: If it wasn't for his Uncle Alex, Mike
would be in Poland right now!
Archie: Out of respect for the dead, I ain't going
to say nothing.
Archie: They don't like a guy like McGovern
who's running around changing his mind all the time. They want a
man like Nixon who don't change for nothing!
Mike: You're right about that, Arch. He keeps
making the same mistakes over and over again.
Archie: Take your gorilla. Your gorilla wants his kid to grow up better than him too! But the kid grows up, and there he is, still a gorilla!
Mike: Actually, your father is on his best
behavior tonight. He only called me an "unbeautiful thing".
Could've called me an "unbeautiful Polack".
Archie: The night is young, meathead.
Archie: (regarding Mike's Uncle
Casimir) He's got two strikes against him from the
start.
Mike: What do you mean by that?
Archie: Well, he's Polish, strike one... and, he's
Polish, strike two.
Archie: All I'm saying is that I don't want to discuss no wedding arrangements with a substitute-ski!
Mike: It's very simple, Mrs. Bunker. I'm an
Agnostic.
Edith: Ohhh... You mean you want a Rabbi?
Archie: It's worse than that, Edith! I think it
means he can't have kids!
Mike: (to Archie) Whether you like it
or not, people do make love every now and then.
Edith: More then than now.
Edith: Gloria... The next time I kiss you, you'll be a married woman. Good-bye, Gloria!
Edith: I'm sorry, Archie. I ain't myself
today.
Archie: That might be an improvement, Edith.
Mike: Doubleheader today, huh, Arch?
Archie: What do you mean by that?
Mike: You're going to cheat the insurance company
and Ma.
Deliveryman: Look at this, Angelo. A whole half
a buck.
Angelo: Why don't you tell (Archie) what he can do
with it?
Deliveryman: I'd rather see him do it with the TV
set.
Archie: (to Edith) How is it always when you do the best thing, it turns out the worst?
Gloria: (to Mike, about his appendix)
If it's gotta go, it's gotta go. Why hang on to something that's
useless?
Archie: That's what I've been asking you ever
since you married him.
Gloria: Michael, that's our money. We
each contribute in our own way.
Archie: That's right. You contribute deposits, he
contributes withdrawls.
Archie: All them surgeons, they're highway robbers. Why do you think they wear masks when they operate?
Archie: McKenzie costs more because the best always cost more. That's how you tell what's good in America: it costs more.
(Louise & Lionel are visiting Archie in the
hospital)
Mr. Duval: Archie! Aren't you going to introduce
me to your family? Your wife (Louise) looks
charming!
Archie: Jean, listen. Her and me ain't
married.
Mr. Duval: Even better! She gave you a
fine-looking son anyway.
Archie: She never gave me nothing but chicken soup
here. Lionel, tell Jean you ain't my son.
Lionel: Okay, whatever you say, Pop.
Archie: Where's Gloria?
Mike: Oh, she said she'd stop by on her way from
work.
Archie: I wish you could say you'd stop
by on the way from work.
Mike: (sarcastic) You know Arch, it's
really a thrill visiting you.
Edith: Everybody has a little trouble seeing
the words close-up after they pass a certain age.
Archie: I told you, it ain't age! It's the ink
they use in the newspaper.
Edith: I've needed glasses for years, and
you're older than I am.
Archie: That's only because I was born first.
Archie: (to Kelsey) Why don't you go back to bartender's school and take a course in "shut up"?
Archie: Your room is still in my house, which
means I got the right to search it.
Mike: (to Gloria) We're living in the
Watergate Hotel here.
Mike: What about your father? How can you trust
him again? The next thing you know, he's going to be bugging our
bed!
Archie: The only bug in your bed is when you hop
in it!
(Gloria is crying after Mike walks out)
Edith: He'll be back as soon as he gets over being
mad.
Archie: Yeah, which should be around
dinnertime.
Archie: Wait a minute, where are you
going?
Edith: I'm her mother, that's where I'm
going!
(doorbell rings)
Archie: Ringing the bell on a Sunday, it's a day
of rest! Don't people read their Bibles no more? What happened to
Christianity anyhow?... Whoever that is, tell them to get the hell
outta here!
Edith: (referring to Mavis Pike) She's
a women's lib! It means she's not a "Mrs.", and she's not a "Ms."
neither.
Archie: What does that make her, a near-Ms.?
Mavis: Edith, I was going to ask you if
you've had an interesting life... but he saved me the
trouble.
Willie: Tony Roselli!
Archie: Huh?
Willie: Tony Roselli... I never forget a
face!
Archie: You just broke your record.
Classmate: GOD, he was beautiful!
(demonstrating the new watch's alarm)
Archie: That's for suppertime, see? And that's the
alarm you're gonna hear every night around this time, Edith, to
show you that supper should be on the table.
Edith: Well, suppose I'm in another room and I
don't hear it?
Gloria: Then you'll hear the old alarm, Ma...
Edith, get supper on the table!
Edith: Archie, that sounded just like you!
Archie: Oh, really? Then why don't it make you
move?
Archie: What the hell am I eating?
Edith: "Yankee Stew."
Archie: Well, the Yankees struck out.
Edith: I saw something about a watch like that
on Mannix.
Archie: Yeah, what?
Edith: Or was it Let's Make A Deal?
Mike: (regarding the restaurant) We'd
thought you'd like this place.
Archie: What would make you think that?
Mike: It's cheap.
"Evil" Archie: You dumb meatheaded, unemployed,
oversexed pinko Professor of Polack you!
"Good" Mike: Those are not very kind things to
say. But I'll try to do better.
"Evil" Mike: You're saying I'm the one that
broke the refridgerator. Well, I'm not the only one who uses it,
you know! I'm not the only one who eats around here, you know! We
all eat! You eat as much as I do!
"Evil" Gloria: Michael's right, daddy. He's right
and he's always right! Did you hear me? He's always
right!
"Good" Archie: Well of course he is, he's a
college boy.
"Evil" Jack: You best tell the dude this house
call's gonna cost him 32 bills, for openers.
"Evil" Repairman: And sixteen bucks for every five
minutes after the half-hour.
"Good" Archie: Very reasonable.
"Good" Repairman: Before it broke down, was the
light working, Mrs. Bunker?
Edith: Well, off and on.
"Good" Repairman: How do you mean?
Edith: Well, on when I opened it... and off when I
closed it.
"Evil" Jack: You know something? You
irritate me.
"Good" Archie: Maybe we can sit down and discuss
it, and I'll learn how to improve myself.
Mike: You never talked that rational in your
life!
Archie: I don't talk rational, because I make
sense!
Archie: Do for your own -- take care of your own, that's the rule. That's what we done here today. We took care of our own.
Archie: God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God.
Archie: Read your story of Adam & Eve there. They had it pretty soft there in paradise, they didn't have no worries, they didn't even know they was naked! And Eve, she wasn't satisfied with that, see? And one day, against direct orders she made poor Adam eat that apple. God got sore, He told them "Get your clothes on and get the hell outta here."
Edith: "Nothing" just came into my mind.
Archie: It must have felt right at home there.
Archie: How dare (Mike) calls me a
bonehead?
Gloria: And how did you hear that? Did you have
your little ears pressed against the wall?
Archie: No!
Edith: He listened with this glass.
Mike: You!
Archie: What?
Mike: YOU!
Archie: What!
Mike: GAAAAAAHHHH!
Archie: (to Edith) He made more sense
when he was coming through the glass.
Edith: So before you two start saying things to each other that you can never take back, stop. And think how much you really mean to each other.
Edith: Do you think I'm something?
Archie: You, Edith, are something else.
Edith: You see, it all started this way
--
Archie: All right, all right, Edith. I'll find out
for myself. I'd like to get the story before the first of the
month.
Mr. Quigley: They've got all kinds of medicines to keep us living longer and longer. Now they've got us living longer, they don't know what to do with us.
Mike: Why can't Mr. Quigley stay with us for a
few days?
Archie: Because we've already got one
freeloader living with me, and bread's up ten cents a loaf!
Mr. Quigley: No, and we aren't going to get
married, either.
Jo: If we did, there'd be no point in living
together.
Mike: We're all family here.
Archie: Don't remind me!
Archie: Let me tell you something about beer: You can never buy beer, you can only rent it.
Mike: By now, (Archie) probably realizes it's his fault, he's going to walk in here, he's not going to say anything about it, and I don't believe a word I just said.
Archie: I demand an apology.
Edith: It's you that's gotta apologize to
me.
Archie: I gotta? That's like asking Pearl Harbor
to apologize to the Japs.
Gloria: Ma, are you in some kind of
trouble?
Edith: No, and I can't tell you what it is!
Archie: I think you found the goose that laid the golden prune.
Mike: If something goes wrong, if you've got a
complaint, wouldn't you rather talk to a human being
face-to-face?
Archie: Sure I would. But all I got is
you.
Edith: I don't want nobody to be dead.
Archie: Edith, somebody's gotta be dead;
that's life.
Mike: Is there anything for me?
Archie: No, nothing for you, Meathead, just for
your mother-in-law. Sympathy cards.
Mike: Those people probably found out you're still
alive.
(playing the game)
Lionel: What's the first thing you say whenever I
see you? Always something about the "black problem", right?
Mike: Well, what do you want me to talk about, the
weather?
Lionel: Well, sometimes, yeah! I mean, black
people have weather, too!
Mike: There's a storm at sea. The boat
overturns, and your mother and I are drowning. Which one of us
would you save? Just answer the question, which one of us would you
save?
Gloria: That is NOT a fair question!
Mike: Why not?
Gloria: Because I can't swim!
Mike: But criticism is the whole point of this
game! There's no fun without it!
Frank: Yeah. And so far, you've been a barrel of
fun.
Irene: You know what Frank would say if he had
caught us together.
Archie: What?
Irene: "You can do better than that, Irene."
Archie: (drunk in cellar) Last will and tentacle.
Archie: This ain't something a man usually
tells a woman: I love you, Edith.
Edith: I know that, Archie.
Archie: You mean I didn't have to say it?
Irene: Hello, Archie!
Archie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Irene: I bet that means, "Who needs her around on
my day off?"
Edith: Archie didn't mean that... did you,
Archie?
Archie: Don't ever argue with a guest, Edith.
(regarding women Olympic gold medalists)
Archie: Even the judges couldn't figure them out,
they had to give them one of them her-mone tests... Found out that
most of them had more his-mones than her-mones.
Mike: How long have you been believing in
curses?
Archie: How long have you been living here?
Mike: Of course there is magic all the time.
You even find magic in the Bible.
Archie: Oh, shut up! You atheist you! The Bible is
filled miracles, no magic. God didn't fool around with no
magic.
Mike: What about Sodom and Gomorrah? When Lot's
wife turned into a pillar of salt?
Archie: That's because when she was running away
from them two dirty cities, she stopped to take a look at her
behind.
A stunned Mike slams his head against the table.
Mike: For the last four weeks... and I think it's longer...
Gloria: Didn't you just say we have an equal
partnership? Fifty-fifty?
Mike: Yeah. Everything is fifty-fifty. But
I'm the fifty that should be heard from first!
Mike: Take the animal kingdom. The male is
always in charge!
Gloria: Oh yeah? Did you ever hear of a "king"
bee?
(Mike makes up a story about seeing another
woman)
Mike: I'm telling you, it was beautiful. I don't
know how to explain it, but there was instant
communication between us.
Gloria: Oh, I can explain it. You talked, and she
listened.
Mike: You kissed a perfect stranger on a street
corner?
Gloria: Nope, right on the lips!
Archie: In an energy crisis, there ain't no such thing as a nice man.
Mike: You talked to (George) like he was a dog.
I thought you were going to pat him on the head and toss him a
bone.
Archie: Well, if I did, at least he'd fetch it.
You'd eat it.
Archie: Being happy is part of being crazy.
Mike: Retarded people have no more of a sex
drive than anyone else.
Archie: Oh, yeah? Then why are you on automatic
all the time?
George's Sign: "Every man is my superior, in that I may learn from him."
(Mike is late for dinner)
Archie: We ain't waitin' for him. C'mon, get it
on.
Gloria: We always wait for you.
Archie: That, little girl, happens to be because
I'm the breadwinner in this house. Your husband is the crumb.
Mike: Do you realize that before 1968, there
were hardly any cars recalled for being defective? But in 1972,
there were nearly eight million cars recalled.
Archie: And do you realize that in 1974, who
cares?
Archie: So what do you think the chances are of
me getting the one bad can out of all them millions of cans? What
is it, 100 to 1.
Mike: What is that? The New Math?
Mike: What do you want me to do? Do you see a "sneeze" on this dial?
Patient in Sling: Doc, doc, doc... what about
my arm?
Doctor: Hang onto it.
Archie: The bosses of that company ought to
taste every mouthful of food before it leaves the factory.
Mike: How are you going to do that?
Archie: Haven't you ever heard of the olden days,
the days of kings? The king used to have a special cook to taste
the food. The cook dropped down dead, the king said, "See?" Then
the king went into the kitchen and made a sandwich for himself.
Mike: Arch, you're not giving the fish a
fighting chance.
Archie: I don't wanna fight with the fish, I wanna
catch them.
Edith: Castor Oil cheered you up?
Archie: It'd be "cheered up", or get another
dose.
Mike: (to Gloria) You realize how many
boring things I've got to do in a single day to drive me crazy?
I've got to get up, I've gotta brush my teeth, I have to shave --
and I hate to shave. There are days where I stand there debating
with that mirror: Should I shave, or should I cut my throat? But I
shave.
Archie: You know, it's too bad you always lose
that argument.
Archie: Oh, that energy crisis. I wish you'd come up with one of those hot flashes of yours when we need it.
Archie: Look at this: Rip Van Meathead.
Archie: Do you ever watch your husband dress
himself in the morning?
Gloria: Sometimes.
Archie: Did you know that he puts on a sock and a
shoe and a sock and a shoe, instead of a sock and a sock and a shoe
and a shoe?
Gloria: What?
Archie: What's the sense in asking you? You wear
pantyhose.
Edith: You know, I think most marriages break up because people don't wait long enough to recognize each other again.
Archie: The country's got to produce more
goods. Then we've got to have a little more unemployment. So when
we have more goods to buy, and less people who can afford to buy
the goods, then the prices will come down.
Mike: That is the stupidest damn thing
you've ever said.
Gloria: Swearing's just the sign of a small
mind.
Archie: Aw, shut the hell up.
Archie: Respect is for the dead. The living need dough.
Munson: (to Edith) Twenty-six years with Archie. You sure did some woman a big favor.
Edith: Mike, would you please pass these
sandwiches around?
Archie: No, no, no. That's like asking the
elephant to pass the peanuts.
George: (to Archie) I'm talking about
your unions asking for higher wages. It's bad for the
country.
Lionel: If it's bad for the country, how come you
raised the prices in the cleaning store?
Archie: He done that?
Lionel: He did on the white clothes.
George: You know something, Lionel?
You're the reason we never had a second child.
Archie: When a guy asks a girl to get married,
that's the highest compliment he can pay.
Louise: And it's usually the last one,
too.
Archie: (to Irene on the phone) Remember that song that had you in it?... That's right, good night, Irene!
Archie: If you were to come in here, fresh off
of the street, applying for the job of my son-in-law, I wouldn't
hire you.
Mike: And if I knew you came with the job, I
wouldn't take it.
Archie: Edith, you done good! Your heart was in the right place. But your brain was out to lunch.
Edith: You don't think this dress looks too
revealing? I don't think I should look too sexy.
Mike: Don't worry Ma, you never do.
Archie: If a woman don't have no experience,
then she should stick to unskilled labor, like being a wife.
Edith: But that don't pay nothing.
Archie: But it ain't supposed to pay nothing,
Edith. You're supposed to be satisfied with the, what do you call
it, unseen rewards.
Edith: How would you like an unseen
dinner?
Archie: Edith, with you, a "surprise" could be anything from a runaway horse to a Puerto Rican.
(Mike gets a part-time job)
Archie: Between $20 and $25 a week? And you've got
the nerve... to eat cake?
Archie: DING-DONG, Edith, Ding-Dong!
Archie: Anyways, (a bald spot) is a sign of
brains. You know the old saying, "Grass don't grow on a busy
street"?
Edith: And it don't grow in cement, neither.
Mike: Hey Arch, will you hold it down? Gloria
and I are trying to sleep!
Archie: It's the only thing you ain't tried in
that room yet!
George: I don't want no daughter-in-law who's a
zebra.
Louise: Why not? She don't mind a father-in-law
who's a jack-ass!
Edith: Good morning, Louise... Heeeeere's
Lionel!
Archie: Who the hell are you now, Fred
McMahon?
Louise: Edith, you're a doll. How did we find
neighbors like you?
Archie: You moved out of Harlem.
Lionel: Can I call you "Uncle Archie"?
Archie: Well, I'll tell ya, Lionel... I think it's
against the law.
George: Don't worry, we can start all over
again... you can give me another boy.
Louise: You better call Parcel Post... 'cause I've
stopped making deliveries!
Louise: And you know what happens to
blacks with no education, and looking for a job. They are
last on the list.
George: No they ain't, the Puerto Ricans are
last.
Archie: He's right Louise, the Puerto Ricans are
last. Only they don't know it because they can't read the list.
Gloria: Oh ma, you'll never change. Whatever
daddy wants, daddy gets.
Edith: Not always.
Gloria: Just tell me once when he didn't get his
way, just once.
Edith: When he wanted a boy.
Archie: Why don't you do what all the men do
with their bright ideas? They drop them in the suggestion
box.
Irene: Oh, good. Where is the suggestion
box?
Archie: You know where the mens' toilet is?
Irene: Yeah.
Archie: There's three of 'em in there.
Archie: (disputing Irene's claims about equal pay) In the Bible, it says God made man in His own image. And he made women after, from a rib -- cheaper cut.
Archie: Let me tell you this: Equality is unfair!
Archie: God has one of them voices that you never, ever forget... You know, like Bing Crosby.
Archie: It makes a man stop and think when he's just been the victim of a miracle.
Mike: Arch, did you ever stop to think... When that crate dropped, maybe God was out to get you, and missed?
Mike: I tried fixing that toilet again, I can't
do it. Maybe we'll just have to get another one.
Gloria: Yeah. Two heads are better than one.
Archie: Fightin' that copper ball takes all the fun out of going to the toilet!
Edith: Archie, are you sure Abraham Lincoln
signed the Declaration Of Independence?
Archie: Sure, four score and seven years ago.
Mike: Racial balance is important in
everything. Take education: Why do you think it's so tough for a
black student to become a doctor?
Archie: Because nobody wants to see a black guy
coming at them with a knife.
Archie: (to Edith) Don't be singing, the neighbors will think I'm killing ya here.
Mr. Scanlan: A BTU, Mrs. Bunker, means British
Thermo Units.
Archie: Yeah. I think we traded some destroyers
for them.
Mr. Scanlan: Now, we have a contract, Mr.
Bunker --
Gloria: Signed under duress.
Archie: Yeah, without knowing I was under the
dress.
George: Ain't there some law against taking
advantage of the simple-minded?
Archie: Well, is there? Because if there ain't,
their oughta be.
George: And here we have the living area, where
we does our living. And here we have the dining area, where we does
our dining. And through this door is the kitchen area--
Louise: Where we does our kitchening.
Mr. Bentley: Take a walk on the small of my
back, would you?
George: Say what?
Louise: Well, you wanted to move up to
the East Side. Take a walk!
Louise: Lionel, you better go to your room. I
don't want you to get hit by your father.
Lionel: Why is he going to hit me?
Louise: Because I'm not sure where I'm going to
throw him!
Archie: I'll probably live long enough to see
them put a man on Mars.
Mike: What if they do that next year?
Archie: What I won't live long enough to see is a
Meathead on a payroll.
Archie: I'm married. They give me five years for having Edith. Thought they'd dock me for that.
Mike: "Deduct three years for wealthy or
poor."
Archie: Wealthy or poor? What the hell
else is there?
Gloria: Middle-class, which is what we are.
Mike: Well, actually, we're lower-middle
class.
Archie: As I remember it, we was "upper" until
you joined the family.
Archie: If you keep minusing, I'll be dead in 1965!
Archie: Give me plus-four!
Gloria: Minus, daddy.
Archie: If you don't let me win a few, you're
going to be minus daddy!
(referring to Archie)
Edith: He'll listen to you. Deep down, he respects
you.
Mike: I hate to dive that deep.
Archie:
Edith:
| All in the Family | |
|---|---|
| Format | Sitcom |
| Created by | Norman Lear (based on Til Death Us Do Part, created by Johnny Speight) |
| Starring |
Carroll O'Connor Jean Stapleton Rob Reiner (1971-78) Sally Struthers (1971-78) Danielle Brisebois (1978-79) |
| Country of origin | |
| No. of episodes | 202 |
| Production | |
| Running time | 30 minutes |
| Broadcast | |
| Original channel | CBS |
| Original run | January 12, 1971 – April 8, 1979 |
All in the Family was a popular television show in the 1970s. It was about a family who lived in New York. It dealt with many controversial issues during its run (like abortion and racism).
   | Encyclopedia of Television entry on ''All in the Family'' - All in the Family |
| | Nixon on Tape Expounds on Welfare and Homosexuality - Nixon on Tape--Welfare, etc. |
| | ''All in the Family'' on TVLand.com - All in the Family TV Show - Videos, Actors, Photos and Episodes from the Classic Television Show - TV Land |
| | Web resource dedicated to ''All in the Family'' and ''Archie Bunker's Place'' - All In The Family, Archie Bunker |
| | Homer Simpson and Archie Bunker the similarities are astonishing - The Simpsons Archive: Homer Simpson & Archie Bunker |
| | Text of the song. - All in the Family - Wikiquote |
| | ''All in the Family'' on TV.Com - "All in the Family" at TV.com |
| | Recap of the ''Talkin' Turkey'' eisode on TV.com - History Bites: Talkin' Turkey Recap - TV.com |
| | ''Those Were the Days'' at the Internet Movie Database - "All in the Family" Those Were the Days (1969) |
| | ''Archie Bunker's Place'' - All In The Family, Archie Bunker |
| | Internet Movie Database Entry - "All in the Family" (1971) |
| | Sitcoms Online - All in the Family - Sitcoms Online - All in the Family |
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