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On the Fifteenth day of the eight month, nineteen thousand and eighty eight years after the birth of Christ, or 1 AB (After Brown), the sky was parted as four arch-angels descended to the earth carrying an infant child in a cradle made of platinum cushioned with the hair of a thousand unicorns. As they landed on the earth in Tennessee, and earthquake was felt across the world, and everybody in a thousand mile radius began to weep as they felt the presence of the beautiful babe, Alyssa Brown. Donald and Kathy Brown, feeling blessed that the one true God chose them to take care of God's physical manifestation on the earth, demolished their old house and created a new, more fitting palace made from the hide of nonbelievers and insulated with unicorn dandruff, in Akron, OH. Alyssa began to walk at the age of two months and began to talk at 2 and a half months. Her mother cried for three weeks straight after hearing Alyssa's first words (Which was "I demand my sacrifices be presented to me by monkeys wearing golden overalls!") because she had never heard such superlative sounds before. Alyssa spent most of her preschool years performing miracles and purging the land of Kenmore of the Hrethgir. She finally decided to enter school at the age of four. Not because she needed to learn anything, but because she wanted to see how she could help mankind improve themselves. This is the reason we now know of the concepts of math and dodge ball. Calamity struck her kindergarten class when Alyssa performed a ballad. Unable to comprehend such a beatific sound, everybody in the audience transformed back into the primordial ooze from which they came. After this event, known as the “Brown Noise” Alyssa knew she had to restrain herself to prevent things like this from happening. Sadly, even under restraint, her
singing has still caused man to do some curious things, such as:
<b>The creation of the internet</b>
<b>Rap Music</b> (Although it was a horrible job of imitating the sound of Alyssa)
<b>World War Two</b> (Which is amazing when you take into consideration that this event happened forty nine years prior to when Alyssa came down to the earth, or in the year 49 BB (Before Brown)
<b>The creation of those little snappy bracelets that used to be oh so popular</b>

Just to name a few. In only her third year of school Alyssa managed to create a formula that allowed man to survive by breathing oxygen, which allowed us to throw away our GH2T3F tanks forever. In her fifth year she slayed the dragon of Aragothem and freed the people from his tyranny. In her 7th year Alyssa received a distress call from the planet of Lokrathe (Or Lokresande, depending on who you talk to) located in the star system of Bladue. It seemed that the people had all been turned into mushrooms by the evil wizard Zachroff the Nefarious. Stepping on her chariot of rice krispies, Alyssa big her pure white stallions into action, and they took off into space. When she reached the planet of Lokrathe, she learned that Zachroff turned the people into mushrooms to lure Alyssa there because he was madly in love with her. He begged and pleaded for her to stay with him, but Alysaa merely laughed and with a simply gaze of her brown eyes turned the wizard into a bottle of Gatorade, in which she proceeded to drink. On her return trip home, she passed by a desert planet and sneezed. The droplets of mucas fell to the planet and created Sandtrot, which would start the spice cycle and allow the Sandworms to appear, creating Melange. The significance of this would not be discovered until much, much later in time, when Aurelius Venport would travel to Arrakis and learn of the use of Melange. Alyssa returned home and was greeted by a massive ‘Welcome Back’ party that the whole world was invited too. For forty days and forty nights everybody celebrated the fill of the void in their souls that the absence of Alyssa Brown had left. Afterwards, Alyssa continued to grace the planet Earth with her beauty and genius. She invented a car that could fly and that ran on banana peels. She also created a being known as a Ratheian; a little furry chipmunk like creature that could do the work of 6 men, but would have to travel back in time to prevent the creation of the Ratheian because of their involvement in the Great War of the Cupcakes. Not much happened with Alyssa until her senior year. On June twelth of the year two thousand six (18AB) as she was creating a potion that would cure any kind of sickness and simultaneously satisfy one’s thirst for a year and a day, she gazed upon a man unlike she had ever seen before. He was nothing truly special to behold, but she fell in love with his tattoos, piercings, and long hair instantly. After she spoke to him (and she was surprised he didn’t immediately begin to weep, profess his undying love for her, or run away) She fell in love with his humor, intellect, and his New York ascent. She began to date this Man among Men (Known simply as Sean Cannon), and couldn’t believe how he treated her. Unlike all the other men, who were driven to suicide because they couldn’t stand to be away from her, he was kind and sweet and treated her as she deserved to be treated. More so, he understood that she would occasionally be needed to stop power hungry mad scientists (and the like) from destroying the Earth (or Universe). They were engaged and to this day live happily ever after, joyfully awaiting their marriage. At the news of her engagement, millions of men participated in a mass suicide, seeing how they no longer had a reason to live. This event was known as “Second Impact”.


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