Ansem Retort is a webcomic that parodies the Kingdom Hearts series and reality shows as well as, to a lesser extent, Fox Network. The title of the comic is a pun on the Ansem Reports of the Kingdom Hearts series.

Plot

The story began with Axel, one of the dubious protagonists of the story, receiving a letter inviting him to be a character on a reality show. He meets the rest of the cast on set and the first season is spent in various escapades, centered around an assault on the broadcasting studio to stop the FOX network president and his demonic minions. During this time, Sora achieved demi-god powers, while Kairi was killed off by a Fox executive. The season ends with Axel killing the president of Fox.

In the second season of the show, Kairi was replaced by Aerith, who becomes Axel's love interest. Soon after, Cloud, an assassin, was hired to kill the house members. Axel and Cloud soon decide to have a 'murder-off', which Axel wins. Cloud, due to Aerith playing the song "One-Winged Angel" to keep him from winning, goes insane and is shipped off to a mental institution. Meanwhile, Namine has been interested in restoring Sora's memories and tests her abilities on Zexion. Inside his mind, she sees visions of his pasts, including him replacing a man's tumor with an oreo. Once she goes into Sora's memories, she is attacked by a demon, but protected by Roxas. After seeing the cause of his amnesia, which was caused by her herself, the demon hits her, using her as a portal into the real world. The demon manifests itself in the form of Anti-Soras, which Axel kills with his newfound "mind bullets", a byproduct of his achieving "reverse nirvana". By the end of the season, DiZ has sent all of the cast members into hiding.

During the third season, the old cast has been replaced with sane men and women. Ansem, disgusted by them, sends Vexen to find the cast members, which he does. After killing off the new cast, excluding Red XIII, the man who Zexion operated on returns to sue him. This ends up with Zexion and the man, Cid, to run for governor. Zexion wins the election, but returns home, along with the rest of the cast, discovering that Larxene is gone.

In season four, Ansem prepares the cast to bring back Larxene by having Jesus train him. Jesus then attempts to teach them teamwork through a low-budget game of pictionary. Though Ansem has deduced Larxene's location to be in Eastern Europe, the cast decides they'd rather go to Hawaii. During this time, Red XIII gets the last ticket and Marluxia is left behind, officially indicating his transition to supporting cast member.

Characters

Ansem Retort's main cast consists of several house members, all from Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. The characters have wildly varying personalities. They range from psychotic to clueless and most of them are addicted to various illegal drugs. This is mostly overlooked by the authorities presumably due to Fox's intervention.

Aerith - The newest member of the main cast, Aerith replaces Kairi in Season Two. Although normally sensible, she suffers from multiple personality disorder and has a repressed, psychotic side.

Axel - The sadistic, self-proclaimed leader of the house. He's the top murderer in the country after beating Cloud in a murder-off and an evil Buddhist god after achieving reverse nirvana, which is when the mind is filled with so much evil that one manages to find enlightenement. Currently dating Aerith.

Larxene - A drug abuser with ADD, Larxene never sleeps and slows down for nothing. Her drug problems are apparently due to the fact that when Zexion was a doctor, he lost the ADD medication he was supposed to deliver to her and instead gave her some speed.

Marluxia - A homosexual member of the house who is often insulted by Axel.

Namine - One of the saner members of the house, Namine tries keeping everything together. She possesses the ability to enter people's minds and alter their memories.

Riku - A member of the house who is often tormented by the others, both physically and mentally. A running gag involves him getting cut in half.

Sora - One of the slower members of the house, Sora suffers from both long-term and short-term amnesia. He is also a demi-god and can summon anything using a power called the Trinity Field.

Zexion - Doctor of the house who recently became governor. Despite being a doctor, he cares little for the well-being of others and often performs painful experiments on people for his own amusement.

Minor Characters

Along with the main cast, Ansem Retort have other characters appear during the course of the series.

Ansem - Producer of Ansem Retort, he is often the cause of the group's misfortune and cares little about their well-being as long as the show keeps getting good ratings. Early on, Larxene hacked off one of his arms.

Darth Maul - Based on a character from Star Wars, Darth Maul usually lounges around the house. He gave Zexion a lightsaber for defense early on.

DiZ - A mysterious man who seems to know more about the cast than they do themselves. He holds an interest in the Trinity Field that Sora was given by The Disembodied Voice.

Kairi - A deceased member of the cast, Kairi was a stereotype fangirl.

Lexaeus - A member of Microsoft who only speaks Spanish.

Microsoft Members - Cloaked members of Microsoft, who seem to follow Zexion around.

Red XIII - A creature relatively new to the cast, he is a vicious beast and cannot speak, while the reader understands him through thought bubbles.

Vexen - A man who works for Ansem, he was the one who brought the cast back in Season Three.

The Disembodied Voice - The incompetent Disembodied Voice is responsible for Sora's demi-god powers and, according to DiZ, turning Adolf Hitler against Jews by laughing at his paintings while in the body of a rabbi.

The Replacement Cast - Eight new cast members meant to star on the show when the original cast went missing. However, their morals and decency caused the show's ratings to drop. Red XIII was the only one to remain on the show. Yuna and Rikku were last known to be digging a hole beneath the Vatican to the center of the earth. All other members of the replacement were brutally killed by the original cast upon their return.

Trivia

The comic has completed 3 seasons and is currently on its 4th season.

Ansem Retort won three awards from Drshnaps 2nd Annual Sprite Comic Awards[1410], coming in second for Best Comedy and Best Character Development and coming in first for Best Sprite Comic.

It should be noted that for Season 4, Red XIII will be promoted to a major character, and Marluxia will be demoted to a supporting character.

External Links

http://analogpaladins.com/ - Ansem Retort's Offical Site