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Austin Powers in Goldmember
Theatrical poster
Directed by	Jay Roach
Produced by	Toby Emmerich Richard Brener John S. Lyons Eric McLeod Demi Moore Mike Myers Jennifer Todd Suzanne Todd
Written by	Mike Myers Michael McCullers
Starring	Mike Myers Beyoncé Knowles Seth Green Michael York Robert Wagner Mindy Sterling Verne Troyer Michael Caine
Music by	George S. Clinton
Cinematography	Peter Deming
Editing by	Greg Hayden Jon Poll
Distributed by	New Line Cinema
Release date(s)	July 26, 2002 (2002-07-26)
Running time	94 minutes
Country	United States
Language	English
Budget	$63,000,000
Gross revenue	$296,655,431
Preceded by	The Spy Who Shagged Me

Austin Powers in Goldmember is a 2002 American comedy film and the third installment of the Austin Powers series starring Mike Myers in the title role. The movie was directed by Jay Roach, and co-written by Mike Myers and Michael McCullers. Myers also plays the roles of Dr. Evil, Goldmember, and Fat Bastard. The movie co-stars Beyoncé Knowles, Robert Wagner, Seth Green, Michael York, Verne Troyer, Michael Caine, and Fred Savage. There are a number of cameo appearances including Steven Spielberg, Kevin Spacey, Britney Spears, Quincy Jones, Tom Cruise, Katie Couric, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Travolta, Nathan Lane, and The Osbournes.

In a self-parody of the Austin Powers series, there is a film within the film in the opening. Austin Powers is featured in a bio-pic called Austinpussy (a parody of the James Bond film Octopussy) directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Tom Cruise as Austin Powers, Gwyneth Paltrow as Dixie Normous, Kevin Spacey as Dr. Evil, Danny DeVito as Mini-Me, and John Travolta as Goldmember.

Goldmember is a loose parody of the James Bond movies Goldfinger and You Only Live Twice, also incorporating elements of The Spy Who Loved Me and GoldenEye. The film took in approximately $296 million from movie tickets worldwide.

Plot

Dr Evil's new lair lies behind the Hollywood Sign.

The year is 2002. In his lair behind the famous Hollywood sign, Dr. Evil outlines his latest plan. He will go back in time to 1975 and bring back Johan van der Smut aka Goldmember, who developed a cold fusion unit for a tractor beam. He intends to use the tractor beam to pull a meteor into the Earth to strike the polar ice caps and cause global flooding. The plot is discovered by the British Secret Service; Austin Powers arrests Dr. Evil and places him in a maximum security prison. It is never explained what happened to Austin's fiancee, Felicity.

Austin is knighted for his services but is disappointed when his father, the famous super-spy Nigel Powers, fails to attend. He later learns that his father has been kidnapped from his yacht and that some of the crew have had their genitals painted with gold. In search of answers, Austin visits the imprisoned Dr. Evil in Geneva, who tells him that Goldmember is behind the abduction and, on the condition that he be transferred to a normal prison to be with his beloved Mini-Me, reveals that Goldmember is in 1975.

Traveling to 1975, Austin infiltrates Goldmember's roller disco club "Studio 69". Austin meets up with Foxxy Cleopatra - an old flame and FBI agent — who is undercover in the club. Austin locates his father but before they can escape they are delivered into Goldmember's inner sanctum. Goldmember abducts Nigel to 2002 using Dr. Evil's time machine. In 2002, Dr. Evil and Mini-Me instigate a riot in their prison, allowing them to escape.

A British Intelligence mole in Dr. Evil's organization (introduced as Number 3) informs Austin that the doctor has moved to a new lair somewhere near Tokyo, Japan. Austin and Foxxy fly to Tokyo where they are informed that Dr. Evil's henchman, Fat Bastard, is wrestling at the Asahi Sumo Arena. Austin confronts Fat Bastard and manages to subdue him. Fat Bastard confesses that a Japanese businessman, Mr. Roboto, is making a device for Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil's new lair is a submarine lurking in Tokyo Bay. Goldmember tells Dr. Evil that they have the ultimate insurance policy in Austin Power's father. Mini-Me escorts Nigel to his cell but he starts to subvert Mini-Me. Scott presents his father with a pair of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, a request from the first movie. Overjoyed, Dr. Evil professes his love for his son and seats Scott at his right hand, displacing Mini-Me. The clone leaves dejected, but not before giving his father the finger.

Austin and Foxxy meet with Mr. Roboto, who pleads ignorance about Nigel's whereabouts. Unconvinced, Austin and Foxxy infiltrate Roboto's factory where the command unit for the tractor beam is being loaded in Goldmember's car. Roboto hands Goldmember a golden key which is needed to activate the beam. Foxxy confronts Goldmember, but Nigel is about to have an "unfortunate smelting accident" and Goldmember escapes as Nigel is rescued. Austin and Nigel dispute the course of action but cannot agree, and go their separate ways.

In Austin's hotel, The Mole has arranged the defection of Mini-Me. Austin, Foxxy, and Mini-Me (now a Mini-Austin) use Nigel's spy car in submarine mode to reach Dr. Evil's lair and gain entry. Foxxy splits up from Austin and Mini-Me, and they search the sub.

In the control room, Dr. Evil threatens the World Organization with global flooding. To prove he isn't bluffing, he uses the tractor beam to pull a satellite out of orbit. Following the successful trial of the beam, Roboto demands a bonus which Dr. Evil refuses. Becoming more evil, Scott disposes of Roboto in the shark tank.

Austin and Mini-Me are waylaid by the medical officer but obtain a plan of the vessel. After being discovered by the MO, Mini-Me escapes and meets up with Foxxy while Austin is taken to the control room.

Dr. Evil offers to show Austin his plan before killing him, but the activation key is missing. Foxxy enters with a gun and the missing key, followed by Mini-Me (shocking Dr. Evil). Austin threatens Dr. Evil at gunpoint, but his father intervenes and reveals that Dr. Evil and Austin are brothers, separated at an early age during an assassination attempt, which shows how Dr. Evil ended up in the care of the Belgian man and the French prostitute mentioned in the first film. The brothers, Mini-Me, and Nigel are reconciled, but Scott interrupts, angry that now that he has become evil his father is turning good. Declaring that he hates them all, he vows revenge and leaves.

However, Goldmember intends to complete the destruction of the world. Although Foxxy throws the activation key into the shark tank, Goldmember has a spare: his gold-plated penis. As Goldmember activates the tractor beam, Austin attempts to misdirect Goldmember's gunfire while Dr. Evil (now "Dougie") reverses the polarity of the cold fusion unit, which electrocutes Goldmember and destroys the meteor. Goldmember survives but is arrested by Foxxy.

It is revealed that the entire string of events was adapted into a film by Steven Spielberg, starring Tom Cruise as Austin, Kevin Spacey as Dr Evil, Danny Devito as Mini-Me and John Travolta as Goldmember. The Austin Powers cast (aside from Scott and Nigel) are in the audience of a Hollywood theater watching the film. Upon exiting, they bump into Fat Bastard, but he took the Subway diet and is now very thin. Austin and Foxxy exit the theater and share a kiss.

Alone in Dr. Evil's Hollywood lair, a bald, maniacal Scott has taken over Dr. Evil's criminal empire and vows revenge on Austin.

Cast

• Mike Myers as Austin Powers, Goldmember, Dr. Evil, and Fat Bastard
• Beyoncé Knowles as Foxxy Cleopatra
• Michael York as Basil Exposition
• Michael Caine as Nigel Powers
• Robert Wagner as Number Two
• Seth Green as Scott Evil
• Verne Troyer as Mini-Me
• Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina
• Fred Savage as Number Three
• Masi Oka as The Japanese Copyright Guy
• Diane Mizota as Fook Mi
• Carrie Ann Inaba as Fook Yu
• Nobu Matsuhisa as Mr. Roboto
• Aaron Himelstein as young Austin Powers (from 1958)
• Josh Zuckerman as young Dr. Evil (from 1958)
• Eddie Adams as young Basil Exposition (from 1958)
• Evan Farmer as young Number Two (from 1958)
• Neil Mullarkey as physician
• Tiny Lister as a prisoner
• Jim Piddock as a headmaster
• Esther Scott as the judge
• Leyna Nguyen as an anchorwoman
• Jeanette Charles as Queen Elizabeth II
• Brian Tee as Japanese pedestrian ("Run! It's Godzilla!")
• Clint Howard as Radar Operator Johnson Ritter
• Michael McDonald as Royal Guard
• Donna D'Errico as a female vendor
• Greg Grunberg as the shirtless fan with the letter "T" (Greg's brother Brad Grunberg is the fan with the "A")
• Kinga Philipps as Young Mrs. Powers
• Scott Aukerman as Young Nigel Powers
• Kevin Stea as the assistant director of "Austinpussy" (and a dancer)
• Anna-Marie Goddard as a henchwoman
• Nina Kaczorowski as a henchwoman
• Nikki Ziering as a henchwoman
• Ming Tea as Themselves
• Susanna Hoffs as Gillian Shagwell
• Matthew Sweet as Sid Belvedere
• Christopher Ward as Trevor Algberth
• Nathan Lane as a mysterious disco man
• Katie Couric as a prison guard
• Kristen Johnston as a dancer at Austin's pad

Cameos

• Tom Cruise as himself as Austin Powers (during Austinpussy)
• Danny DeVito as himself as Mini-Me (during Austinpussy)
• Gwyneth Paltrow as herself as Dixie Normous (during Austinpussy)
• Kevin Spacey as himself as Dr. Evil (during Austinpussy)
• Steven Spielberg as himself
• Quincy Jones as himself
• John Travolta as himself as Goldmember (during the Austinpussy ending)
• Britney Spears as herself as Fembot ("Boys" music video)
• Ozzy Osbourne as himself
• Sharon Osbourne as herself
• Kelly Osbourne as herself
• Jack Osbourne as himself
• Willie Nelson as himself
• Burt Bacharach as himself (during the credits)

Production

Title concerns

The title of the film, Goldmember, led to legal action being taken by MGM, the distributors of the James Bond film franchise, that briefly led to the film's title being removed from promotional material and trailers. The dispute was quickly resolved and the film title remained unchanged, on the provision that the film would include trailers in its cinema releases for the then-upcoming James Bond film Die Another Day and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.^[1] Coincidentally, as of 2006, MGM is the TV distributor for New Line's films and TV series.

Characters

Austin Powers (Myers), having conquered the '90s and the '60s, travels back to the 1970s and teams up with his nemesis Dr. Evil (also played by Myers) to thwart a new villain, Goldmember (Myers once again). Myers also plays Fat Bastard for the second time, this time parodying the kind of "wire fight" seen in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The film also stars Beyoncé Knowles as Foxxy Cleopatra (parodying blaxploitation movie heroines, primarily Foxy Brown and Cleopatra Jones, as well as Christie Love when she says, "You're under arrest, sugah!" ), Michael York, reprising the role of Basil Exposition, and Verne Troyer in his second appearance as Mini-Me. The film also introduced a new character named Number 3 (a.k.a. the Mole) who is portrayed by Fred Savage. Clint Howard plays a radar operator in all three movies.

Three actors who appeared in the earlier movies play different characters in Goldmember. Rob Lowe who played the friend of a dead guard in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery reprises his role as a younger Number 2 from The Spy Who Shagged Me, while Neil Mullarkey (quartermaster clerk in International Man Of Mystery) and Eric Winzenried (army private soldier in The Spy Who Shagged Me) appear as the Physician and Henchman Sailor in the Sick Bay.

Goldmember

Johan van der Smut, better known as Goldmember, is a fictional villain played by Mike Myers (John Travolta played the character in a cameo at the end of the film). The name was inspired by the James Bond villain Auric Goldfinger. Goldmember's Dutch origins and character traits were, according to Myers, inspired by an episode of the HBO TV series Real Sex featuring a Dutchman who operated a "sex barn" north of Rotterdam. The man's distinct forms of expression caught Myers' attention while he was writing.^[2]

Reception

Austin Powers in Goldmember received mixed reviews from critics, earning a score of 54% on Rotten Tomatoes.^[3]

The film took in £5,585,978 in the United Kingdom on its opening weekend. In the United States, it broke the opening weekend record for a spoof movie, surpassing the previous Austin Powers film. The film grossed $73 million on its opening weekend, and grossed a total of $213 million in the United States, according to Box Office Mojo.

Soundtrack

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Soundtrack by Various artists
Released	July 16, 2002
Genre	Disco, funk, pop, rock
Length	40:01
Label	Maverick, Warner Bros.
Professional reviews
Allmusic link
Austin Powers series chronology
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

The song "Hey Goldmember" interpolates and is a parody of four '70s disco songs formed into a medley; "Sing a Song" – Earth, Wind & Fire", "Get Down Tonight", "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty", and "That's the Way (I Like It)", all by KC and the Sunshine Band. "Sing a Song" is not listed in the credits but is sung by Foxxy Cleopatra at the beginning.

1. "Work It Out" – Beyoncé Knowles
2. "Miss You" (Dr. Dre Remix 2002) – The Rolling Stones
3. "Boys" (Co-Ed Remix) – Britney Spears featuring Pharrell of N*E*R*D
4. "Groove Me" – Angie Stone
5. "Shining Star" – Earth, Wind & Fire
6. "Hey Goldmember" – Foxxy Cleopatra (Beyoncé Knowles) featuring Devin and Solange Knowles
7. "Ain't No Mystery" – Smash Mouth
8. "Evil Woman" – Soul Hooligan featuring Diana King
9. "1975" - Paul Oakenfold - (which samples "A Fifth of Beethoven" by Walter Murphy which is the song played in the film.)
10. "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)" (Dr. Evil Remix) – Dr. Evil
11. "Daddy Wasn't There" – Ming Tea featuring Austin Powers
12. "Alfie (What's It All About, Austin?)" – Susanna Hoffs

See also

• Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
• Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
• Austin Powers 4
• Austin Powers
• Mike Myers

References

External links

• Official website
• Austin Powers in Goldmember at the Internet Movie Database
• Austin Powers in Goldmember at Allmovie
• Austin Powers in Goldmember at Box Office Mojo
• Austin Powers in Goldmember at Rotten Tomatoes

Beyoncé Knowles Discography · Videography · Songs · Awards · Tours Studio albums Dangerously in Love (2003) · B'Day (2006) · I Am... Sasha Fierce (2008) Mixtapes Speak My Mind · Irreemplazable · Above and Beyoncé Other Albums Beyoncé Karaoke Hits, Vol. I Video compilations Live at Wembley · BET Presents Beyoncé · Beyoncé The Ultimate Performer · B'Day Anthology · The Beyoncé Experience Live · I Am... Yours: An Intimate Performance at Wynn Las Vegas Tours Dangerously in Love Tour · The Beyoncé Experience · I Am… Tour Notable concerts 46664 · Verizon Ladies First Tour · I Am... Yours  · Hope for Haiti Now Films Carmen: A Hip Hopera · Austin Powers in Goldmember · The Fighting Temptations · The Pink Panther · Dreamgirls · Cadillac Records · Obsessed Retail House of Deréon · Heat Related topics Destiny's Child · Jay-Z · Mathew Knowles · Solange Knowles · Suga Mama Beyoncé Knowles portal

From Wikiquote

Austin Powers in Goldmember is a 2002 film in which Austin Powers, upon learning that his father has been kidnapped, must travel to 1975 and defeat the aptly-named villain Goldmember - who is working with Dr. Evil.

Directed by Jay Roach. Written by Mike Myers and Michael McCullers.

Austin Powers

• Mo-o-o-o-le.
• Nice to mole you--meet you! Nice to meet your mole! Don't say mole!... I said mole.

• [After making Britney the fembot's head explode] Oops!... I Did It Again, baby. Yeah!

• Very Shaggadelic baby, yeah!

• What the--? Hey, hey stop that! Bad Mini-Me! No humping! [squirts water at Mini Me]

• [Hanging from Dr. Evil's recently pulled down pants and sharts himself] Hey, Dr. Evil, I used to think you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts. [To audience] A'thank you.

• [after trying to convince Number 3 that he didn't need to talk about the mole] Mole! Bloody mole! We're not supposed to talk about the bloody mole but there's the bloody mole winking me in the face! I'm gonna chop it off and cut it up and make some guacamole!

• [seeing Mini-Me with a knife (which he was using to open a letter)] Assassin! [kicks Mini-Me across the room]

• [Walks in place] We're going to see the twins!!

Doctor Evil

• I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?

• [after seeing Number 3's mole] A-buh.

• Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to my new submarine lair. It's long and hard and full of seamen. [laughs, then realises no-one else is] No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub.

• Yeah Goldmember, I don't speak freaky deaky Dutch. Okay, perv-boy?

• (after Goldmember asking to paint Nigel Powers' "yoo-hoo" Gold) How 'bout NO?! Ya crazy Dutch bastard!

• Okay, it's getting crowded in here, so everybody out! Not you Scotty, not you Number 2, not you Frau, not you Goldmember, not you guys back there, not you henchman holding wrench, not you henchman arbitrarily turning knobs making it seem like you're doing something...[Turns and stares at Mini-me]

• One billion, gajillion, fafillion... shabadylu...mil...shabady......uh, yen

• [After seeing Scott balding] Whoa!

• [After seeing that Mini-Me has switched sides] Mini-Me?

• [After Nigel tells a flashback about himself] Very interesting, Mr. Powers. Of course, I will have to wait until I see all the facts. Daddy! [Hugs Nigel]

Foxxy Cleopatra

• I'm Foxxy Cleopatra, and I'm a whole lotta woman!

• [When hitting someone] Shazam!

• 8 years, and no phone call?! Nobody stands up Foxxy Cleopatra! Where have you been?!

• Well, all I know is, mama only got a taste of honey. But she wanted the whole beehive.

Nigel Powers

• Only a bloody Dutchman!

• There's only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

• Nigel: Do you know who I am?

Henchman: [nods]

Nigel: Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?

Henchman: [nods again]

Nigel: I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on son.

[henchman falls down]

• If you've got an issue, here's a tissue.

• Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

• [to Mini-Me about having a large penis] My word, you're a tripod!

Goldmember

• I love g-o-o-o-ld! The look of it! The shmell of it! The tashte of it! The texture!

• Hey, everybody! I'm from Holland! Isn't that veird?

• [After key is lost] Luckily I keep a shpare.

• Look everyone! My vinky vas a key!

• Shmoke and a pancake? You know, flapjack and a shigarette? No, all right. Cigar and a waffle? No? Pipe and a crepe? No? Bong and a blintz? No? Then there is no pleasing you.

• [Pulling a piece of skin off himself] Oh yesh, yesh, yesh, thish is a keeper!

• May I preshent to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!

• I must shay, you look toit. Toit, like a tiger. I can tell by your toit pantsh.

• And that'sh the vay, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it! [mutters] KC and the Sunshine Band.

• And that, for you, ish bad newsh bearsh! [mutters] Walter Matthau.

• [to Dr. Evil] Yesh! Yesh! You look like a macho man! [mutters] Village People.

• [last words]Fahza, Fahza, Fahza, Fazha, Fazha can you hear me... Fazha, Fazha!!

• He-hey, ashholes, do I have a last time for a shmoke and a pancake or what? [eats a piece of skin]

Fat Bastard

• It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh-heh-heh. Let's have a smell all right? Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ooh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! All right, analysis. Smells like carrots in throw-up! Ooh, that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick ass on a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

• [Hanging from a wire] Isn't this magical, one of my wires broke.

• But I had to shed some extra skin.

• But unfortunately my neck looks like a vagina

• [Commenting on his loose skin after going on the "Subway diet"] And my neck does kinda look like a vagina.

• Aw, Jesus Christ! This diaper's making my nuts rub together! It's gonna start a fire!

• [Holding sumo opponent's crotch] You know what my favorite Helen Hunt movie is? Twister! [Twists hand]

• Are we done here? I've got to take a crap.

• [Looking down at the toilet]What the--I didn't have any corn!

• I hope my wire fighting team is ready-y-y!

• Maaybee!

• Hey daiper lady! Heres my diaper. he he he. i think i might've pinched one off too soon. [he sniffs it] Oh aye, I left a rosebud in there for yer.

• [After Austin grabs and twists his nipples] Ohh, my titties! (groaning) [an annoyed Foxxy Cleopatra, apparently disgusted by this, turns away] You gave me a nerple!

Others

Tom Cruise: Yeah, baby!

Steven Spielberg: (When Austin says he should change the opening credits) Yeah, well (Holds up an Oscar) my friend here - thinks it's fine the way it is.

Dialogue

(Deleted scene in Infinifilm edition)

Dr. Evil: Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "i fit iron dick."

Goldmember: Yes. "i fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes. (Gives up.)

Dr. Evil: Yeah, can't get it? "i fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (Starts spelling it to the tune to Old McDonald Had a Farm) "f-r-i-c-k-i-n', i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there, here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.

Austin Powers: Mr. Roboto is lying to us.

Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.

Austin Powers: I open-mouth kissed a horse once.

Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?

Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.

Dr. Evil: Lower the globe.

Frau: (screeching) Lower the globe! [Goldmember flinches, the globe falls onto Dr. Evil's head]

Dr. Evil: Oww! Ow!

Goldmember: Scheiße!

Dr. Evil: Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin'g jack-in-the-box! Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark! [Number 2 pulls the globe off Dr. Evil's head.] Okay! I'm okay. [Goldmember chuckles] Release the meteor.

Frau: (screeching) Release the meteor! [Mini-me swings a gold meteor model into Dr. Evil's genitals]

Dr. Evil: (falls over) Ohh! Oh! Ohh, ohh, no way!

Goldmember: Right in the kuhinky!

Dr. Evil: God damn it! Oh! Guys! [to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards] Way to go, a-hole! Everyone, just let me find my balls, for God's sakes... 1, 2, and 3. Okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

• [deleted scene where Dr Evil is stroking mr Bigglesworth] I like holding my kitty. Its like holding somebody's ass.

Assistant Director: And Cut! That's a cut everybody!

Steven Spielberg: So Austin, what did you think of the opening credits?

Austin: Well, I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest filmmaker in the history of cinema is making a mooovie about my life..very shagadelic baby, yeah! (laughs) Having said that, I do have some thoughts.

Steven Spielberg: Really, (Holds up an Oscar) my friend here - thinks it's fine the way it is.

Austin: Well no offense sir Stevie, but you've gotta have a mojo baby, yeah! Hit it!

(Austin Powers Theme begins)

Johnson: Sir? Dr. Evil is not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.

World Leader: Which one?

Johnson: It's the one that looks like a pair of--

[cut to fruit stand]

Woman: Melons! Big juicy melons![holds them in front of her breasts.]

Man: Are they nice and firm?

Woman: Well, what do you think?

Man: [pointing to the sky] Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--

[cut to football game. 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T" and "S" painted on their chests.]

Man with second T: A, and N, you're late! [two men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS."]

"A" Man: How we doing, man?

Men: Yeah! Go, Titans! Yeah!

"A" Man: Check it out! Those remind me of--

[film pauses]

Ozzy Osbourne: Boobs!

Sharon Osbourne: Boobs, Ozzy?

Ozzy Osbourne: These filmmakers are just f[bleep]ing boobs!

Kelly Osbourne: What do you mean, Dad?

Ozzy Osbourne: Well, their using the same f[bleep]ing jokes as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.

Sharon Osbourne: What f[bleep]ing joke?

Jack Osbourne: You know, the f[bleep]ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--

[back to World Organization]

World Leader: Johnson?

Johnson: Yes sir?

World Leader: Any sign of that satellite?

Johnson: No sir. It's gone.

Austin: Excellent Basil, we've been trying for years to get a mole into Dr. Evil's lair, we know have that mole.

Basil:: Yes! Ah, and here he is.

Austin: So you're the (zoom up on the mole's mole) mo-o-ole, mo-o-o-le...

Foxxy: and Austin: Mo-ost, most, most excellent agent we've ever seen.

Austin: Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.

Foxxy: Mm-hmmm

Austin: (quietly to Foxxy) Thank you.

Mole: Thank you. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location, but I did learn that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair outside of Tokyo Japan......By the way, I realize that I have a large mole on my face.

Austin: Where??? (nervously laughs) What? Where's that mole? I... didn't see one.

Mole: I also realize the irony that I am myself a mole.

Austin: (nervously) No one would make that connection.

Basil: (to the Mole) Anyway, well done, old chap. Jolly good work.

Austin: Yes, nice to mole you--meet you! Nice to meet your mole! Don't say mole.

Foxxy: Stop.

Austin: I said mole.

Foxxy: Stop!

Mole: Bye.

Austin: Mole.

(Basil and the Mole walk to the elevator.)

Austin: Mo-ole... (Basil raises index finger, face indicating "that's enough.") Mole!

Basil: (irritated) Oh, shut up!

Austin: Moley-moley-moley-moley-moley!

Mole: Mini-Me has...switched sides.

Austin: Oh! Oh! (looks at Mini-Me) Sorry about that, old chap. (waves) Welcome aboard. (looks back at Mole) My mole-stake. (covers his mouth)

Mole: What?

Austin: (shakes head)

Mole: Look, just get it out of your system.

Austin: No, I'm fine.

Mole: We can work better if you just--

Austin: MOLE! BLOODY MOLE! We're not supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me right in the face! I'm gonna take it, chop it up, and make some guacaMOLE!

Mole: Better?

Austin: Yeah. (takes plant branch, pokes the mole with it)

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!

Dr. Evil: His what?

Number 2: His fazha, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil: His farjer?

Number 2: [nods]

Dr. Evil: What's farjer?

Goldmember: His fazha, ya know the fazha!

Dr. Evil: Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy?

Goldmember: Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.

Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.

Goldmember: Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?

Dr. Evil: Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.

Nigel Powers: Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!

Dr. Evil: Bring him to me.

Nigel Powers: Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.

(The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)

Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.

Nigel Powers: (to third guard) Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?

(The guard complies.)

Nigel Powers: All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.

Dr. Evil: Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.

Nigel Powers: Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.

Dr. Evil: Take him away!

Goldmember: Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?

(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)

Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!

Goldmember: Would you like a smoke and a pancake?

Austin: ... What?

Goldmember: A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?

Austin: [shakes head]

Goldmember: Cigar and a waffle? No?

Austin: [shakes head]

Goldmember: Pipe and a crepe? No?

Austin: [shakes head]

Goldmember: Bong and a blintz?

Austin and Nigel: No.

Goldmember: Well, then there ish no pleashing you.

Austin: That's not right.

Goldmember: [picking skin off his back] Ooh yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes. This is a keeper.

Dr. Evil: All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?

Goldmember: [eats piece of skin]

Dr. Evil: You did. Okay, that's just gross.

Mini-Me: [cringes and shakes head]

Goldmember: [clapping] Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.

[{}=Japanese translations]

Mr. Roboto: {I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.}

Austin Powers: Domo arigato, Mr.Roboto. {Thank you, Mr. Roboto} [to audience] I thank you.

Foxxy Cleopatra: {Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.}

Austin Powers: [to Foxxy] You speak Japanese?

Foxxy Cleopatra: A little.

Austin Powers: Well, you might be a cunning linguist but I'm a master debater. [Both laugh, then, seriously, to Mr. Roboto] I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.

Mr. Roboto: {Please eat some shit.}

Austin Powers: Please eat what?!

Foxxy Cleopatra: Wait. [Removes white cups revealing rest of subtitle] He said "Please eat some shitake mushrooms."

Austin Powers: Tell me. What do you know ... about my father's where...about...s?

Mr. Roboto: Hm. [Walks over to bookcase which contains white books] {Your ass is happy.}

Austin Powers: "Your ass is happy?!"

Foxxy Cleopatra: No. [Pulls down a bookcase cover] He said "Your assignment is an unhappy one."

Austin Powers: Oh!

Mr. Roboto: [to Japanese woman dressed in white] {I have a huge rod.} [Japanese woman gasps]

Austin Powers: Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!

Mr. Roboto: [Repeats line and moves away from woman, revealing I have a huge rodent problem.]

Austin Powers: Oh.

Mr. Roboto: {A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.}

Austin Powers: Yes. Very off-topic, thank you very much.

Mr. Roboto: Why don't I just speak in English?

Austin Powers: That would be a good idea now wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty. [looks at audience and smiles]

Dr. Evil: [To Austin from inside a cell] Quid pro quo.

Austin Powers: [Confused] Yes, squid pro row.

Austin Powers: Mole!

Basil Exposition: Oh, shut up!

Austin Powers: [As Basil and the Mole walk out] Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!

Japanese Man 1: Run! It's Godzilla!

Japanese Man 2: It looks like Godzilla, but due to International Copyright Laws, it's not.

Japanese Man 1: Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!

Japanese Man 2: Though it isn't.

[Both scream and run]

Austin: Listen, dad, if you are are going to say naughty things in front of these American girls then at least speak English English.

[Nigel looks back at girls]

Nigel: All right, my son: I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. (Subtitle: I was about to make love to this pretty girl.)

Austin: Are you telling a bunch pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur? (Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?)

Nigel: What, billy no mates? (What, alone?)

Austin: Too right, youth. (Indeed.)

Nigel: Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint? (Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?)

Austin: Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens! (The insane one?)

Nigel: Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears! (She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs.)

Austin: She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and... (A lawyer who became a policeman in a truck) [complete gibberish] (????????)...

Austin & Nigel: --tea kettle!

Nigel: And then, and then--

Austin & Nigel: She shat on a turtle!

Goldmember: Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.

Dr. Evil: Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.

Goldmember: I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back door. We got us a convoy. Over.

Dr. Evil: Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.

Young Dr. Evil: (Checking the class rankings) Hey everybody, I'm #1!

Young Number 2: Hello. I'm Number 2.

Young Dr. Evil: Pleased to meet you Number 2. But now I'm finally going to be this years international many of mystery. *evil laugh*

Young Number 2: *evil laugh*

Both: *evil laugh*

Boy: [off screen] Shut yer gob! [a cupcake hits Young Dr Evil]

Young Dr. Evil: Ow! [laughter] Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.

[last lines]

Scott: I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers! (laughs evilly, like Dr. Evil)

Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H!!

Scott laughs.

Dr. Evil: What?

Scott: Why don't you just call it Operation Ass Cream, ass?

Dr. Evil: I-I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?

Scott: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.

Dr. Evil: [uncertainly] Perhaps later.

Number Two: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.

Dr. Evil: Yah, eh?

Frau: Ja, Doctor. It's a really good plan.

Dr. Evil: Yes Frau, on the whole, I think Preparation H feels good.

Scott starts chuckling uncontrollably.

Dr. Evil: [irritated] What is it now?

Scott: No, nothin'. You know what, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.

Dr. Evil: Well, I'm glad were sprechen sie the same lingidy... yah. Ladies and Gentlemen, using my time machine, I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember, and bring him back to the future. And the best part of the plan is, no one can stop me...not even... Austin Powers. Muh-huh-huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Others (except Scott): Huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Austin Powers: Not so fast.

Several British SAS forces storm the room.

Austin Powers: You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil: Shit.

Goldmember: Not so fast, shmarty-pants. Dr. Evil, you might not want to deschtroy the world, but I dooooooo... Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth!

Foxxy: Think again, Goldmember.

Goldmember: Ahh, Foxxy Cleopatra; it is a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you-u-u!

Foxxy: Too bad for me? How about too bad for you (holds the gold tractor beam key over the shark tank which has sharks with lasers on their frickin' heads).

Goldmember: (in terror) Ho-no!

(Foxxy drops the key into the tank.)

Goldmember: No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a spare.

(Goldmember turns around and removes his genitals with a lot of racheting and twisting.)

Goldmember: Look everyone, my winky was a key!

Nigel Powers: (in contempt) Only a bloody Dutchman!

From the Movie Austinpussy:

Austin (Tom Cruise): Yeah Baby!

Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow): Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.

Austin (Tom Cruise): Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?

Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow):Oh Austin, Behave!

Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey): Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?

Mini-me (Danny Devito): Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)

Goldmember (John Travolta): Hah-hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last shmoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland, isn't that a we-e-eird?

Taglines

• He's still evil... He's still deadly... and he's still surrounded by frickin' idiots!

• What do you call a swinger old enough to be your father? Daddy!

• A New Breed of Evil.

• This summer's biggest movie has a secret, baby!

Cast

• Mike Myers - Austin Powers/Dr. Evil/Fat Bastard/Goldmember
• Beyonce Knowles - Foxxy Cleopatra
• Michael York - Basil Exposition
• Robert Wagner - Number Two
• Rob Lowe - Young Number Two
• Seth Green - Scott Evil
• Mindy Sterling - Frau Farbissina
• Verne Troyer - Mini-Me
• Michael Caine - Nigel Powers
• Steven Spielberg - Himself

External links

Wikipedia has an article about:

Austin Powers in Goldmember

• Austin Powers 3: Goldmember quotes at the Internet Movie Database