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Barkfoot is a mysterious creature located in Sutton Park, Sutton Coldfield, the largest Urban Park in Europe.

Sightings have been rare, but local newspapers have printed stories from locals who confirm his existence, and he has been attributed to a range of sinister events occuring in the Park, from bush fires to rapes. Made entirely of bark, and feeding on the generous leftovers of illegal campers, Barkfoot is known to be highly protective of his hidden den, and the sausages that prevent his bark from falling off and his body from melting.

He is also known for his addiction to wicker items. He has a wicker house, a wicker spear, a wicker knife, a wicker wife and a wicker dog. "Wicker makes the world go round", that's what he says. Or perhaps "Gawd Bless Wicker" in his thick Brummie accent.

Barkfoot was crowned King of the United Wicker and Sausages Federation in February 1998. The United Wicker and Sausages Federation (2 members) plans to take over the world and convert everything to wicker and sausages. In 2005, the United Wicker and Sausages Federation invaded Iraq, for what reasons we just don't know.

The Crown of the United Wicker and Sausages Federation is made from a combination of cigarette ashes, concrete, cow turds and oak leaves. Its value is estimated at 2,000,000 Barkfootian dollars (estimately 0.000002 pence).

The other member of the United Wicker and Sausages Federation is Sausage Head. He used to live in Nottingham Forest but he got tired of being confused with Robin Hood so he left. He is entirely constructed out of sausages apart from his hair which is actually made out of arsenic.

References

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