The Barnaby River is a small Canadian river in New Brunswick. It is also the name of a small community along its banks. It was long one of the few purely Irish rural settlements in the Province, centered on the local Catholic Church, the Most Pure Heart of Mary. It remains of mostly Irish Catholic extraction.

The Barnaby River rises in southeastern Northumberland County and flows northwest into the Southwest Miramichi River at Kirkwood, NB.

The Barnaby River watershed is entirely rural, dominated by forests and small farms in the communities of Rogersville, NB, East Collette, NB, Collette, NB, West Collette, NB, Murray Settlement, NB, Barnaby River, NB, Lower Barnaby, NB, Upper Barnaby, NB and Kirkwood, NB.

While it seems humble today, Barnaby was once one of the greatest empires the world had ever seen. Barnobopolis, as it was known, existed about 6000 years ago, and ruled its empire with tenets of respect, tolerance, and preservation of life. The Barnabonian culture had an extended period of prosperity known as its Golden Age, when Barnabonian scientists created the first flying machines as well as cures for all known illnesses in their land at the time. It is also assumed the Barnabonians had electricity and early forms of nano-robotics and nuclear fission.

At the height of the golden age, Barnobopolis was ruled by Emperor Perrycus Oyxizat'Hearn. Perrycus was a brilliant scholar and was loved by his people. Under his rule Barnabopolis exceeded in all fields, surpassing even the mighty civilizations on the island of Crete. Trade and technologie flourished, the arts evolved, people of all race and religion came together and lived in harmony under the protective dominion of Barnabopolis.

But this utopia could not last. It ended with the death of Perrycus, and the throne passed to his younger brother, Bradilicus. The citizens of Barnabopolis, who had once been treated like kings, where now treated little better then rats. Bradilicus brought the Oyxizat'Hearn name to shame, and the seemingly invincible cizilization began to crumble. Bradilicus's only great legacy was his investment in a great and powerful military that lasts still to this day. But even it attracted trouble.

From an area now known as "The Bay", a fierce and aggressive enemy was about to be known to Barnabopolis. Historians debate the original names of the aggressors, and have decided to nickname them 'The French', due to the mutated version of the French language they speak today. At first they were interested only trading with the Barnabonians, but the presence of the ruthlessly powerful Barnabopolis army made them uneasy, and talks of war soon turned to conflict. The catalyst for this conflict was the actions of the French military commander, Lecratese Floch. Floch was unhappy with his own county and saw Barnabopolis as nothing short of a wonderous land of opportunity. Floch abandoned his compatriots and swore alligence to Emperor Bradilicus. He then publicly denouced his homeland, infuriating the French, who after a year of cold relations with Barnabopolis, launched a brutal invasion.

The General of the French was Robinicat Marten, the shiny headed. His tactics of brutal campaign shifts often confused the enemy, driving them to retreat. The leader of the Barnabonians was the Emperor's son, General Satchmo Hearn (nickname Pear Bear for his ruthlessness in battle). Unlike his father, General Satchmo Hearn carred for the people of Barnabopolis. He was an innovative and merciless commandant who would feign disinterest in battle, allowing the enemy to move closer, only to be eliminated by his elite melee fighters.

The main force of his battle group was a company of two men; Captain Benjamor Toole, otherwise known as 'The Mighty Ogre' and Andrak Drizdalle. Toole was a beast of man, weighing in at over 800 pounds and standing 9 1/2 feet tall. His weapon was Andrak, a much smaller man who had very sharp shoulders; a trait that earned him the name 'Driz The Battleaxe'. The army had one elite corps, a force that would only be used in the most dire of circumstances. It was led by Scottiam Sonderrs. Though deceptively silent and seemingly nonchalant, Sonderrs was a blood-thirsty sadist with only one goal in battle; to kill as many as possible.

The turning point of the battle came with the iconic battle between General Satchmo and General Robinicat. Satchmo's mighty weapons of titanium quickly destroyed Robinicat's sworad and M16, but Robinicat slew Satchmo in the end by stabbing him in the eye with a wooden stake he found on the ground. Upon hearing the news of his brother's death, Emperor Bradilicus flew into a fit of rage. He ordered the execution of all his generals and activated the experimental weapons of mass destruction Barnabonian soldiers had been working on. The weapons backfired, toppling all of Barnabopolis and annihilating the Barnabonian capital. Victorious, the French attempted to live on the ruins of Barnabopolis, but found it fruitless, as radiation had poisoned everything worth using.


The French retreated to their homeland, sick from radiation and exhausted from war. Their language skills diminished eventually, and today you can barely understand them.

Some of the Barnabonians survived however. They rebuilt their civilization, though would never be as glorious as it once had been. Today it still stands, but is wrought with chaos. Barnabonians live off violence and carnage, and fight and kill each other merely for sport. Activities in Barnaby include rock fights, stick fights, paint fights, broom fights, pillow fights, fist fights, sword fights, truck fights, pitch fork fights, knitting, squirrle fights, hammer fights, dirt fights and fight fights.

The ruling class of Barnaby is non-existent. There is no social heirarchy, as well as no form of government or laws. The decendents of Barnabopolis's leaders are still alive, although the family names have changed somewhat (Oyxizat'Hearn=O'Hearn, Drizdalle=Drisdelle, Sonderrs=Saunders) and many Barnabonians are intergrated in civilized society.