== Brett Peterson ==


Brett "I like cock" Peterson was spawned by the copulation of Malcom fraser and reality tv heart throb Jeff from survivor using experimental IVF treatment known at the time as the Luke Parsons Projects. Born Buck Naked, Peterson oficial changed his name after attempting to escape his career as a beastiality porn star in pursuit of a political career. Julius Brett William Peterson, the first of two children to a modern stone age family, was famous for the fact that he had two separate belly buttons, one inny and one outy, named Betty and Davis after the celebrity impersonater to whom he lost his pokemon trading card collection. From an early age he expressed great knowledge of the universe and as such was disparaged by his teachers who feared his superior intellect with his quick learning and brilliant memory(this fear was hightened to 'eggshell white' status after Brett allegedly killed his foe Robert Drummond in his quest for the affections of his high school sweetheart, Melanie Docwra). Unfortunately, this did not translate into a great social success for Brett, with kids especially mocking his habbit of extending the size of roman empire, speculated to be due to his inability to extend in social situations. This eventually led to Brett dropping his first name and assuming Brett as his given name.
He went to Gosford High School, a special needs high school for the mentally retarted, and made himself a few life partners. Unfortunately these indluences transformed Brett into a "tranny" and his johns thought he wasn't performing to the best of his ability. Despite this, Brett managed a respectable 80 UAI points (equating to 3 cheese burgers and a McFlurry in S.A.T scaling), enough for him to be accepted into a communications course at Pepsi-Newcastle University. Over the brief period between the end of High School and the start of University, Brett emerged himself into some of history's greatest literary works including "Ralph", "Playboy" and anything from his idol, "emo" Matt "the sexecutioner" Farthing.
Upon starting at Pepsi-Newcastle University, Brett started and finished his independent report entitled "Scandal!: The decandence of the modern media in the 21st century." One of his lecturors managed come across the report after googling the terms "14 year old girl", "donkey love" and "nursery" and was latter arrested on an unrelated matter. The report began to be published by the university and soon spread to all corners of Australia when computer-whiz and longtime partner Matthew walsh used an e-copy of the document to spread an electronic version of AIDS, the worlds first eSTI which targeted cybersexaholics. Such insight from a 17 year old boy was astonishing and lead to Brett travelling the country to give lectures at real universities. Long time Media critic David Koch claimed that it was "the only report that ever made him contemplate the meaning of life". Koch latter credited the report as the single reason behind quitting the popular breakfast program 'Sunrise-with Kochie and Mel', devestating Channel seven's aspirations for Kochie as the Bert-Regis lovechild and ultimately causing the destruction of channel seven when enraged Sunrise fanatics stormed the studio and, while attempting to air an amateur home video inciting the death of Peterson, incidently hit the large red self destruct button. 500 were killed in the Sydney CBD and the attack was initially attributed to Al qaeda.

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Controversy

Brett Peterson has also been caught up in a scandal of his own. Upon announcing publicly that he was a metrosexual, and heavely criticising the Australian Government's stance on metrosexual marriage, a booked lecture for the Avondale Christian College was cancelled. Brett claimed this had to do with his sexual preference and this has since become a topical issue at dinner parties.
This also led to Peterson becoming the Public Face for the Australian branch of the militant metrosexual group the Pink Salmon Panthers, "Soldiers in the war on men's fashion".

Peterson (2006) Scandal!: The decadence of the modern media in the 21st century