From Wikiquote
- For the wrestler, see Brimstone
(wrestler)
Brimstone
(1998-1999) is a short-lived Fox television series, featuring a
dead detective whose mission (assigned by the Devil) is to return
113 spirits who have escaped from Hell to Earth.
Season 1
Pilot
[1.1]
[Ezekiel Stone arrives in NYC to hunt down a 100 year old
priest who kills little children.]
- Det. Kane: You know, you go to hell for
something like that.
- Stone: Already been there.
- Desk Clerk: Where have you been?
- Stone: Out of the country.
- Desk Clerk: Whereabouts?
- Stone: Down under.
- Desk Clerk: The elevator's busted, but you're
only on the third floor.
- Stone: Long as I'm going up.
- The Devil: God's universe doesn't work like
the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.
- [Stone defends killing his wife's rapist]
- The Devil: Yes, yes, now that's what I like to
hear. The indomitable spirit and righteous indignation of the human
species. I've heard it a billion times defending a billion
atrocities, and it's still music to my ears.
- Det. Kane: Tell me what you know about this
case.
- Stone: You wouldn't believe me if I did.
- Det. Kane: What makes you so sure?
- Stone: Because you seem like an intelligent
man.
- Det. Kane: You know what? Maybe I'm not as
bright as I look. Try me.
- Det. Kane: [At crime scene] Three out
of four.
- Det. Hirrsh: What?
- Det. Kane: What do you know about the
Bible.
- Det. Hirrsh: What part?
- Det. Kane: Revelations, chapter four--
- Det. Hirrsh: Sorry. Wrong Bible. I'm the Old
Testament. You go your way, I go Yahweh.
- [A museum docent hits on Stone.]
- Stone: I'm very, uh, flattered. But I'm
married.
- Docent: Oh, well. It's too bad. [She
leaves]
- Stone: ...Not to mention dead.
Heat
[1.2]
[Stone goes after a young Provencal woman who burns people
alive when she feels strong emotions.]
- [The Devil, in the guise of a guidance counselor, escorts a
young coed out of his office.]
- The Devil: [to Stone] Sweet kid. I'm
trying to get her on the wrong path.
- Albright: You're a cop, aren't you?
- Stone: Why do you say that?
- Albright: The coat's a little weird, but it's
that look of desperation, and the eyes, devoid of life. Who else
but the LAPD would pay your salary?
- [the Devil and Stone meet in an elevator for a
conference]
- The Devil: You know, before they invented the
elevator, I had to walk all the way from hell.
- Ezekiel Stone: Glad to hear it.
- The Devil: Second throughts, Ezekiel?
- Ezekiel Stone: Can't you find someone else to
torture?
- The Devil: Millions of them. They can wait.
Everyone's in such a rush. I say, stop and smell the burning flesh
of sinners.
- The Devil: 113 wayward children sent back to
my loving embrace. Or one bereaved husband whose heart was in the
wrong place, will wake one morning to find himself easily
replaced.
Encore
- Ezekiel Stone: Get out of my head.
- The Devil: As if you could wrap your brain in
barbed wire to keep me out. That is a delightful image,
however.
Repentance
[Stone meets the Devil in an elevator]
- Ezekiel Stone: Going up or down?
- The Devil: Guess.
- The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you
listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the
Devil.
Poem
[1.5]
[Stone pursues a Chinese poet returns from Hell to kill
women for their blood.]
- Ms. Chao: How did you find me here?
- Stone: I'm a detective.
- Stone: Where were you ten minutes ago? I
could've used your help.
- The Devil: Help? I don't feel as if I know you
well enough.
- Stone: What's with you? Do you want me to
catch these freaks or not?
- The Devil: Of course. I want you to catch
every last one. But I'm the Devil, old boy; I can't change my
stripes.
- The Devil: [to Stone] Love? The most
delicious emotion of all. Without love, you and I would be out of a
job.
- Landlady: I want your badge number.
- Stone: 666.
Executioner
Slayer
Ashes
[as Stone goes through someone's mailbox]
- Ashe: Pardon me for interrupting you here, but
that happens to be a federal crime. Is that within your
jurisdiction, too?
- Ezekiel Stone: I answer to a lower power.
- The Devil: You don't have any friends,
Ezekiel. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely
dead.
- Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of
Oz"?
- The Devil: I HATE that movie.
[about roses]
- The Devil: Did you know, the thorns were
originally my idea?
- Ezekiel Stone: You loved her, didn't you?
- The Devil: I never loved anyone but God, and
that was a long time ago.
Lovers
[Stone tries to convince the Devil to let him have a
car]
- Ezekiel Stone: It's not New York any more.
Nobody wants to walk around here. Plus, the buses suck.
- The Devil: Now wait a minute. Fifteen years in
Hell, now you're back on Earth and you're complaining. Oh, because
you have to walk. You're not going Hollywood on me, are you,
Zeke?
[after Stone has sent two souls back to hell]
- The Devil: Good work, Ezekiel. Two birds with
one "Stone."
- Ezekiel Stone: Why don't you try and just
enjoy some of the beautiful things in this world? Just one. Try it
on for size.
- The Devil: Believe me, it won't fit.
Carrier
[Stone brushes his teeth]
- The Devil: Four out of five dentists surveyed
agree, tooth decay is no longer a problem... once you're dead.
- The Devil: Please, Ezekiel. My job's not to
decide who lives and dies. My business is with the soul. And I have
never damned a soul who didn't thoroughly deserve it. Mother Nature
is a completely different story. She kills indiscriminately, good
and evil alike. Why she gets all the good press, I'll never
know
Faces
[Going through Stone's mail]
- The Devil: Junk mail, mostly. One of my lesser
triumphs.
- The Devil: I have always advocated family
values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.
It's a
Helluva Life
- The Devil: Vanilla? Where's the waitress? I
only eat Rocky Road.
- Ezekiel Stone: You really push a man to the
brink.
- The Devil: I am the brink.
- Ezekiel Stone: Do you know anything about
faith?
- The Devil: Faith? I was present at its
creation.
- The Angel: Yours is a divine purpose,
Ezekiel.
- Ezekiel Stone: [referring to the Devil] He'd
freak if he heard that.
- The Angel: Good. Let him freak.
Mourning
After
- The Devil: If it means anything, I'm sorry.
Sort of. Well... no, I'm not.
Unsorted
- Ezekiel Stone: You know, I gotta tell you, I'm
getting a little tired of breaking into desks and rifling through
filing cabinets. I feel like I'm on a rerun of "Magnum P.I."
- Ezekiel Stone: You know, you should be
grateful. You should be happy. Every week I send one of your
sinners back to Hell. You do nothing but complain.
- The Devil: Don't get so cocky, detective! You
know what over-confidence leads to, don't you? You get bit in the
ass!
- Ezekiel Stone: [seeing The Devil disguised
as a motorcycle cop] Don't you know it's against the law to
impersonate a police officer?
- The Devil: What do you think you're doing,
Ezekiel? You're impersonating a human being.
- The Devil: [mocking Ezekiel Stone for
buying flowers for Lt. Ash] Will you listen to yourself? Take
your head out of Cupid's ass, Ezekiel. You've got more pressing
business to take care of.
- Ezekiel Stone: [reading his own
headstone] "Ezekiel Stone, Beloved Husband, Detective NYPD,
Died Defending The Citizens Of New York. The City, She Weepeth Sore
in the Night, Her Tears Are On Her Cheeks."
- The Devil: More tears have been shed for
answered prayers than for those that go unheard.
[the Devil interrupts Stone as he's having
breakfast]
- Ezekiel Stone: What do you want?
- The Devil: Your every waking moment consumed
with holding up your end of our bargain.
- Ezekiel Stone: Man's gotta eat.
- The Devil: A living man, perhaps. But, for
you, this would be classified as recreation. Like those idle
thoughts of yours replaying that sweet bygone day over and over. As
if, you're expecting a different outcome. Some people would call
that insane.
- Ezekiel Stone: Yeah? What would they call a
conversation with the Devil over breakfast?
- Father Horn: The Devil, he appears to you as a
man?
- Ezekiel Stone: Yeah. He looks a lot like a kid
I used to beat the crap out of in sixth grade... I'm sure that's on
purpose.
- Ezekiel Stone: What the hell do you know about
love?
- The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of
all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.
- The Devil: Thanks to global warming, it gets
more and more comfortable for me up here very day.
[From the opening credits]
- Ezekiel Stone: I was a cop. When my wife was
raped, I caught the guy who did it, and I killed him. Two months
later, I died. I went to Hell. A hundred and thirteen of the most
vile creatures... escaped.
- The Devil: They think they'll beat the Devil.
Nobody beats me!
- Ezekiel Stone: So how am I supposed to send
them back?
- The Devil: The eyes: windows to the soul.
Destroy the eyes, and the damned get a one-way ticket back home to
Hell. But it's not Hell you should be scared of. It's losing your
second chance at life on Earth!
- Ezekiel Stone: Time to give the Devil his
due!
- The Devil: 113 wayward children,
Sent back to my loving embrace
Or 1 bereav'ed husband
Whose heart was in the wrong place
Will wake one day to find himself
Easily replaced.
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