Bryan Pepperz: Wikis

Note: Many of our articles have direct quotes from sources you can cite, within the Wikipedia article! This article doesn't yet, but we're working on it! See more info or our list of citable articles.

Brian Peppers

Brian Peppers is an internet meme, known mostly for his appearance and that he is a registered sex offender in Ohio. His phone number and address are somewhere out there, which is cause for people to make faggoty videos of them calling him or visiting his apartment.

The Life of Brian (Birth and Early Years)

Brian Peppers was born in Guillaume, Ohio (suburb of Toledo) on November 1, 1968. Shortly afterward, the Ugly Truck crashed through a nearby wall and backed over his face several times before grinding to a halt, having used up all of its Ugly. This is one of only two such breakdowns on record (the other time being when Chin-chan was born). Several weeks after he escaped his mother's rotten, parasite-infested womb, he was dropped from a third-story balcony by Michael Jackson, who had rented him from his mother for a "sleepover" party. This became a widely-known incident, but some good almost came of it. Brian hit the pavement with his face, breaking his facial bones in such a way that he would look normal when he healed. Unfortunately, the Ugly Truck had just gotten out of the shop and was speeding past when this happened. It plowed over Peppers like Tyne Daly galloping naked down the freeway, syphilitic spittle flying from her massive jaws as they scoop up scrap metal and road kill to give her sustenance.

He remained an unfortunate-looking child, and kept looking more unfortunate every day, until he was eventually arrested in 2005 for "Gross Sexual Imposition." The lulziness of his arrest picture was cause for debate on whether it was shopped. Eventually, the urban legend-debunking site snopes confirmed that our wishes and dreams were true and it indeed was real. He was arrested for groping a nurse and sentenced to thirty days in jail and five years probation, which didn't mean much since he was in a retard home anyway.

Appearance

You may wonder what is so special about Brian Peppers. It is suggested that he was either dropped repeatedly as a child, or suffers from either Apert syndrome or Crouzon's syndrome. However, his appearance is due probably to his encounters with the Ugly Truck, which also left him crippled and in need of frequent sponge baths.

WikiDrama

After YTMND and others discovered Brian's mugshot, shoops and other bullshit began proliferating, and sooner or later someone decided that TOW needed a Brian Peppers article. The article, which was about as fail as you would expect, was nominated for deletion SIX TIMES, with the issues growing more and more complicated as time went on. Even once they'd managed to establish Brian's existence, no one was really sure how old a meme has to get before you can put it on Wikipedia, and trolls kept showing up claiming to be members of the Peppers family with inside information. Finally, since everyone was too busy arguing about Brian's article to show him any love, King Jimbo took mercy on the poor unsavory critter and shot it in the head.

The Defenders of Truth over at Wikitruth, feeling that the seriousness of internet business had been insulted by the ILLEGAL removal of a badly-written article about some ugly guy, snatched up the Brian Peppers page and preserved it for posterity, as evidence of Jimbo's dictatorial ways. You can still find it here.

As the article states, Jimbo told the users that they could recreate the article in a year if they still cared by then, but sadly, Brian's fans all forgot about him and he became old meme. Of course, this means that someone could go over to Wikipedia right now and recreate the article if he or she wanted, not that any users are cool enough to do that.

Achievements

Brian won second prize at this year's Ugliest American Awards, as all but one of the other contestants were so freaked out by him that they refused to enter the building. The prize—a trip to the local zoo—was exchanged for cash by his parole officer.

Brian is the founding member of Brian Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band. Ironically, he is also its only member.

Brian was the stunt-double for Yoda in the most recent Star Wars movies. When someone pointed out that Yoda was completely computer-generated, director George Lucas admitted that he "just wanted to see the little fucker get hurt."

Brian is also the center of an YTMND fad, giving him several pages. Searching by his name returns 2,008 results.<sup> Peppers</sup>

Brian was nominated for an Academy Award for his gut-wrenching performance as a flight attendant in the hit movie Snakes on a Plane.

Brian has recently recorded a best-selling album entitled "I did it for the lulz." It has twelve tracks, all of which feature him and James Gandolfini singing about the rising cost of canned food, what they did in 1992, and what they think about helium.

Brian has earned the respect of the deity known as Longcat. Longcat sent Marilyn Manson to watch over and protect him with lasers.

Unlocked Legendary mode in his past life.Is now half way through his quest to earn the "Beat life on Legendary" achievement.