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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
CSI-LV.main.jpg
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation intertitle
Genre Police Procedural,
Drama
Format Live-action
Created by Anthony E. Zuiker
Starring Laurence Fishburne
Marg Helgenberger
George Eads
Eric Szmanda
Robert David Hall
Wallace Langham
Liz Vassey
David Berman
Paul Guilfoyle
William Petersen
Jorja Fox
Louise Lombard
Gary Dourdan
and Lauren Lee Smith
Opening theme "Who Are You" by The Who
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 10
No. of episodes 217 (List of episodes)
Production
Running time 40–45 Minutes (without commercials); 90 Minutes (1 episode, without commercials)
Broadcast
Original channel CBS
Picture format 480i (SDTV),
1080i (HDTV)
Original run October 6, 2000 – present
Chronology
Related shows CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
External links
Official website
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (also known as CSI: Las Vegas) is an American crime drama television series, which premiered on CBS on October 6, 2000. The show was created by Anthony E. Zuiker and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. It is filmed primarily at Universal Studios in Universal City, California.
The series follows Las Vegas criminologists as they use physical evidence to solve grisly murders in this unusually graphic (and hugely popular) drama, which has inspired a host of other cop-show 'procedurals.' An immediate ratings smash for CBS, the series mixes deduction, gritty subject matter and popular characters. The network quickly capitalized on its megahit with spin-offs CSI: Miami and CSI: NY.
The tenth season of CSI premiered on September 24, 2009 at 9 pm EST.[1]

Contents

Production

Overview

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer Television and CBS Productions, which became CBS Paramount Television in the fall of 2006. Formerly a co-production with the now-defunct Alliance Atlantis Communications, that company's interest in the series is now owned by investment firm GS Capital Partners, an affiliate of Goldman Sachs.[2] CBS Paramount acquired AAC's international distribution rights to the program. The show currently airs Thursdays at 9PM ET/PT on CBS.
The series has been heavily criticized—almost since its debut—by police and district attorneys, who feel CSI portrays an inaccurate image of how police solve crimes, and by the Parents Television Council, who note the level and gratuitousness of graphic violence, images and sexual content seen on the show. Nevertheless, CSI became the most-watched show on American television by 2002. The success of the show encouraged CBS to produce a franchise, starting in May 2002 with the spin-off CSI: Miami and then again in 2004 with CSI: NY.
The series is now in syndication and reruns are currently broadcast in the US on the Spike and TV Land cable networks.
As of the fall of 2008, CSI commands an average cost of $262,600 for a 30-second commercial, according to an Advertising Age survey of media-buying firms.[3]

Conception and development

During the 1990s, Anthony Zuiker caught producer Jerry Bruckheimer's attention after writing his first movie script. Bruckheimer wanted an idea for a television series. Zuiker did not have one, but his wife told him about a Discovery Channel show she liked about forensic detectives who used DNA and other evidence to solve cold cases (The New Detectives).[4] Zuiker started spending time with real-life LVMPD crime investigators and was convinced that there was a series in the concept. Bruckheimer agreed and arranged a meeting with the head of Touchstone Pictures. The studio's head at the time liked the spec script and presented it to ABC, NBC and Fox executives, who decided to pass. The head of drama development at CBS saw potential in the script, and the network had a pay or play contract with actor William Petersen who said he wanted to do the CSI pilot. The network's executives liked the pilot so much that they decided to include it in their 2000 schedule immediately, airing on Fridays after The Fugitive. Initially it was thought that CSI would benefit from The Fugitive, which was expected to be a hit, but by the end of the year 2000 CSI had a much larger audience.[5]

Filming locations

CSI was initially shot at Rye Canyon, a corporate campus owned by Lockheed Corporations situated in the Valencia area of Santa Clarita, California. Other shows such as The Unit and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers have also been shot there.[6]
After the eleventh episode, filming shifted to the Santa Clarita Studios and only second unit photography, such as the shots of the Las Vegas streets are done on location in Las Vegas, Nevada. Occasionally, when required, the cast will also shoot on location in Las Vegas, although more often the locations will be substituted by California locations. Santa Clarita was originally chosen for its similarity to the outskirts of Las Vegas.[7] Some of the California locations include the Verdugo Hills High School, UCLA's Royce Hall, the Pasadena City Hall and the California State University. While shooting is filmed primarily at Universal Studios in Universal City, California, Santa Clarita's surroundings have proven so versatile that CSI still shoots some of its outdoor scenes there.[8]

Style

Stylistically, the show has drawn favorable comparisons to Quincy and The X-Files.[9] The show's gadgets and occasional usage of yet-to-be-invented technology have moved the show nominally into the genre of science fiction and garnered it a 2004 Saturn Award nomination for best network television series. The series also occasionally steps into the realm of fantasy, such as a 2006 episode, "Toe Tags" which is told from the point of view of several corpses in the CSI lab who reanimate and discuss their deaths with each other.
The series is known for its unusual camera angles, percussive editing techniques, hi-tech gadgets, detailed technical discussion, and graphic portrayal of bullet trajectories, blood spray patterns, organ damage, methods of evidence recovery (e.g. fingerprints from the inside of latex gloves), and crime reconstructions. This technique of shooting extreme close-ups, normally with explanatory commentary from one of the characters is referred to in the media as the "CSI shot".[10] Many episodes feature lengthy scenes in which experiments, tests, or other technical work is portrayed in detail, usually with minimal sounds effects and accompanying music—a technique reminiscent of Mission: Impossible. Often the lighting, composition, and mise-en-scene elements are heavily influenced by avant-garde film[10]

Music

There was an instrumental theme song in the first season, which has been replaced in syndication. CSI's theme song is Who Are You, written by Pete Townshend with vocals by Roger Daltrey, both of The Who,[11] as the title track of their 1978 album. The show's spinoffs also use The Who songs as their theme songs: Won't Get Fooled Again for CSI: Miami and Baba O'Riley for CSI: NY, both recorded by The Who in 1971 for their album Who's Next. This was parodied in an episode of Two and a Half Men, where a CSI parody used Squeeze Box as its theme. The Who's Roger Daltrey made a special appearance in a season seven episode, Living Legend, which also contained many musical references such as the words "Who's Next" on a dry erase board in the episode's opening sequence.
Throughout the series, music plays an important role; artists like The Wallflowers, John Mayer, Method Man, and Akon (with Obie Trice) have performed onscreen in the episodes "The Accused is Entitled", "Built To Kill, Part 1", and "Poppin' Tags", respectively. The Wallflowers' "Everybody out of the Water" can be found on the CSI soundtrack CD. Mogwai is often heard during scenes showing forensic tests in progress (see Style, above) as are Radiohead and Cocteau Twins, but several other artists have lent their music to CSI including Rammstein—used heavily in Lady Heather's story arc. Sigur Rós can be heard playing in the background in Season 2 episode "Slaves of Las Vegas", The Turtles in "Grave Danger", and Marilyn Manson in Suckers. Industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails have also been featured multiple times throughout the three series'. In the Season 9 episode "For Warrick", The Martin Brothers' "Stoopit" is heard from the club when Grissom discovers Warrick's body and their "Dirtybird Records" label mate Claude Vonstroke's "Chimps" is played from the club while Grissom, Catherine and Nick attempt to recreate the crime scene.

Plot

Starring Laurence Fishburne and Marg Helgenberger, the series follows a Clark County forensics team headed by the steely supervisor Catherine Willows (Helgenberger), Catherine was promoted to Supervisor mid-way through season 9, succeeding her long time partner Gil Grissom (William Petersen). Grissom's last act as Supervisor was to hire Raymond Langston (Fishburne).

Cast

Season Night Shift Supervisor Night Shift Assistant Supervisor Swing Shift Supervisor Crime Scene Investigator (CSI) DNA - Analysis Trace Technician Chief Medical Examiner Asst. Medical Examiner Senior Detective Junior Detective
1 Dr. Gilbert "Gil" Grissom
(William Petersen)
Catherine Willows
(Marg Helgenberger)
Various Warrick Brown
(Gary Dourdan)
Nicholas "Nick" Stokes
(George Eads)
Sara Sidle
(Jorja Fox)
Vacant Greg Sanders
(Eric Szmanda)
Vacant Dr. Albert "Al" Robbins
(Robert David Hall)
David Phillips
(David Berman)
Captain James "Jim" Brass
(Paul Guilfoyle)
Various
2
3 David Hodges
(Wallace Langham)
4
5 Vacant Catherine Willows
(Marg Helgenberger)
Greg Sanders
(Eric Szmanda)
Mia Dickerson
(Aisha Tyler)
CSI Sofia Curtis
(Louise Lombard)
6 Catherine Willows
(Marg Helgenberger)
Various Wendy Simms
(Liz Vassey)
Det. Sofia Curtis
(Louise Lombard)
7
8 Various
9 Vacant Riley Adams
(Lauren Lee Smith)
Catherine Willows
(Marg Helgenberger)
Vacant Dr. Raymond "Ray" Langston
(Laurence Fishburne)
10 Nicholas "Nick" Stokes
(George Eads)
Vacant Sara Sidle
(Jorja Fox)

Main characters

  • CSI Level 2: Dr. Raymond "Ray" Langston (Laurence Fishburne) comes into contact with the CSI team in the course of a murder investigation and joins the Las Vegas Crime Lab as a Level-1 CSI. Langston is a medical doctor who used to work in a hospital. A co-worker murdered 27 patients, and all the evidence showed up before him, but he never put the evidence together. In the episode "The Grave Shift," his first day on the job was most troubling for him. In the episode "No Way Out," he was held hostage in the aftermath of a shootout in a neighborhood. In the episode "Mascara," one of Ray's former students was murdered, and in the end of "All In," Langston has to shoot and kill a murderer in self defense, the first time he takes a life in the line of duty. Ray graduated to CSI 2 in the tenth season opener and was explained that he spent his time off taking every class and seminar he could to really become the CSI that Gil Grissom saw in him. Ray also revealed in the tenth season that he was raised in Korea and his father, a soldier and a veteran of the Korean War, was a violent man, often getting into brawls off the battlefield and this is something which disturbs Langston considerably. Also in the tenth season, Ray travels to Miami and New York, involving a case that crosses over into three CSI shows for the first time.
  • CSI Level 3 Night Shift Supervisor: Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger) is in command of the night shift Las Vegas CSI unit. She was promoted with the resignation of Gil Grissom in the episode, "One to Go." Born in Las Vegas on March 26, 1963, Catherine Willows was raised by her single mother, a cocktail waitress and showgirl. Catherine failed to excel to her full potential in school, despite her intelligence and sharp mind. Catherine left school and began work as an exotic dancer in order to support her boyfriend's career. She became interested in crime solving when she befriended a regular at the dance club, who encouraged her to return to school. She attended West Las Vegas University where she graduated with a degree in Medical Science. Catherine joined the CSI team as a lab technician, after which she worked her way up to the role of supervisor under Gil Grissom. Catherine has one daughter, Lindsey Willows (Kay Panabaker), and had a stormy relationship with ex-husband Eddie Willows (Timothy Carhart) until his murder in episode, "Lady Heather's Box." The relationship with her father, Sam Braun (Scott Wilson), also occasionally created conflicts in cases. In the episode, "Built to Kill," Braun is shot and dies in Catherine's arms. Catherine's character is loosely based on real life CSI Yolanda McCleary.[12]
  • CSI Level 3 Night Shift Assistant Supervisor: Nicholas "Nick" Stokes (George Eads) is second in command of the night shift Las Vegas CSI unit. He was promoted in episode "Family Affair," by Catherine Willows. Nicholas Stokes was born into the family of a judge and a lawyer in Dallas, Texas on August 18, 1971. The youngest of seven siblings, Nick stood out through academic and athletic merit. On leaving Texas A&M University he joined the police department, then took a job with the Dallas Crime Lab, specializng in hair and fiber analysis. He joined the Las Vegas Crime Lab and found he could be his own man, and still be part of a high-achieving team. Nick has shown to be an emotional person through the series: He nearly cried when being held at gunpoint in the episode "Who Are You?." In the episode "Gum Drops," he got very emotional searching for a missing little girl who was thought to be dead. In the episode "Grave Danger," he broke down and was on the verge of committing suicide when buried alive in a glass coffin and broke down once again in the episode "Turn, Turn, Turn," when discussing the death of the victim with Dr. Ray Langston, and how he should have seen the danger signs over the year and done something to prevent it. He was also stalked in the episode "Stalker," when a repairman named Nigel Crane (Doug Hutchison) thought that Nick was his friend. Because of being molested at a young age, his character is portrayed as more empathic than his co-workers, which has drawn several rebukes from others.
  • CSI Level 3: Greg Sanders (Eric Szmanda) was born on May 7, 1975, in Santa Gabriel California and is Norwegian-descended. He excelled as an Eagle Scout, and earned all his badges in record time. Greg was educated in a private school for gifted students and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford University a year earlier. After a stint with the San Francisco Police Department, Gerg joined the Las Vegas Crime Lab as a DNA technician and was soon yearning to find a place beyond the lab conducting fieldwork with the CSI team. Greg also wrote a book about the history of Las Vegas, and often becomes intrigued with cases that date back to "old Las Vegas" when it was run by the mob. Greg entered field training in the episode "Who Shot Sherlock?," and he became a full-fledged CSI. Greg is promoted to CSI level 3 in the episode "19 Down." In the episode "Play with Fire" he was involved in a lab explosion, which he survived and in the episode "Fannysmackin'," Greg is brutally beaten by a gang of youths while rescuing a victim. Having always been the youngest and geekiest of his peers, Greg embraced pop culture, style, and social trends, wanting to be known as hip, as well as brilliant.
  • Chief Medical Examiner: Dr. Albert "Al" Robbins (Robert David Hall) is the head county coroner of the Las Vegas Police Department. Robbins' first appearance was in the episode "Who Are You?" and became a series regular from season three onwards. He is married with three children. Robbins was close friends with CSI, Gil Grissom, and since Grissom's departure, Robbins has been shown to be developing a similar sort of friendship with new CSI, Ray Langston, and he is also close friends with David Phillips, the assistant coroner. He has two prosthetic legs, and it has been implied that he lost them in an accident while trying to dig up a floor at a crime scene; this disability is drawn from actor Robert David Hall himself, who lost his legs in a road traffic accident.
  • Trace Technician: David Hodges (Wallace Langham) is a lab technician who transferred to the Las Vegas crime lab from Los Angeles. Hodges' appearances provide some comic relief, though most of the team finds him obnoxious and irritating. Hodges' first appearance was in the episode "Recipe for Murder," and he became a regular cast member starting with the episode "Dead Doll." He has a crush on fellow lab technician Wendy Simms. He once got all the other lab techs to collaborate and try to solve The Miniature Killer case, discovering a key clue. It is also noted that Hodges has an uncanny sense of smell, and is able to identify many key chemical compounds by their scent alone, such as cyanide, which to those who possess the gene like Hodges does, smells like bitter almonds, but Hodge's sense of smell for this chemical, however, is more acute than that of the average person. While at a sci-fi convention in the episode "A Space Oddity," Hodges and Wendy had to solve the murder of one of the stars.
  • DNA Technician: Wendy Simms (Liz Vassey) worked in San Francisco, California for a time before moving to Las Vegas to take the DNA tech position in "Secrets and Flies." In the episode "Lab Rats," she helps David Hodges investigate the case of The Miniature Killer. The two characters have an ongoing rivalry which obscures a strong mutual attraction. Hodges complains that Simms tries to take over everything and thinks she's "too cool" for the lab. Simms insults Hodges by calling him "freakboy" and "loser" but appreciates his investigative thoroughness. Wendy is apparently something of a klutz and has a reputation for being clumsy around work. Wendy and Dr. Robbins have a big disagreement over tainted blood evidence in the episode "Let It Bleed." Wendy also had a role in an independent horror flick playing a girl who is cut in half by a guy with a chainsaw. Hodges feels the mutual attraction to her as well but fears the effect on his work that a relationship would produce, since he finds her distracting enough as it is. Actress Liz Vassey is added to main cast in the tenth season premiere.
  • Assistant Medical Examiner: David Phillips (David Berman) (nicknamed "Super Dave") is the assistant coroner to Chief Medical Examiner Al Robbins. He received his self ascribed nickname after saving the life of a victim during an autopsy. Due to his line of work, he is not fazed by much. Though earlier in the series, the main characters tease him about his supposed lack of social experience. David marries at some point early in the seventh season. He reveals his wife enjoys hearing all the grotesque details of his job in the episode "Leapin' Lizards." During the eighth season, signs show his wife is attempting to change his look. In the ninth season, David performs his first solo autopsy, indicating his advancement in the lab hierarchy. Actor David Berman is added to the main cast in the tenth season premiere.
  • LVPD Homicide Detective: Captain James "Jim" Brass (Paul Guilfoyle) was the head of the Las Vegas CSI, who is originally from New Jersey. He was moved back to the police homicide division in the episode, "Cool Change" and remains captain in the homicide division and works with the CSI team. His daughter, Ellie (Nicki Aycox), has problems in season two, who is a drug addict and a prostitute in Los Angeles. It was discovered in the episode, "Ellie," that he is not Ellie's biological father. In the episode "Bang Bang," Brass was shot twice by Willy Cutler (Currie Graham), after convincing him to release his female hostage (Kandiss Edmundson). At the end of the episode, "Built To Kill," Brass is seen in a tattoo parlor, having the date of his shooting (May 11, 2006) tattooed just below the bullet scar. Brass has never been accused of being a "soft cop" and has shown regard for the rules throughout the years. In the episode "Who and What," after the FBI's Jack Malone slams a suspect's head on the table, Brass rushes in and pulls him off, saying "If you want to rendition him to Gitmo, be my guest. But in this house, we play by the rules." In the episode "You Kill Me," after David Hodges creates a fictional story in which Brass uses his night stick on Bobby Dawson (Gerald McCullouch), Wendy Simms comments "Captain Brass isn't the type of cop that smacks suspects around."

Former main characters

  • CSI Level 2: Riley Adams (Lauren Lee Smith) was a former St. Louis police officer who became a CSI. She made her debut in "Art Imitates Life and came in as a second-level CSI to the understaffed Las Vegas unit, a few weeks after the death of Warrick Brown. In episode, "No Way Out," she and fellow CSI Ray Langston were held hostage in the aftermath of a shootout in a neighborhood, but Riley was successfully able to disarm the suspect. Actress Lauren Lee Smith will not be back for the tenth season of CSI, said executive producer Naren Shankar, on July 27, 2009 and says the decision to let Smith and her character go was "an issue of how we were feeling the ensemble was working."[13]
  • CSI Level 3 Night Shift Supervisor: Dr. Gilbert "Gil" Grissom (William Petersen) was the night shift team supervisor for the Las Vegas CSI unit, and a forensic entomologist with a degree in biology from UCLA. He is known for being a very thorough and methodical scientist, as well as a bit of a quirky introvert. It was revealed in the episode "Way To Go" that he has been in a relationship with fellow CSI Sara Sidle. He successfully proposed marriage to her in the episode, "The Case of the Cross-Dressing Carp." The Grissom character is loosely based on real life criminalist Daniel Holstein.[12] Actor William Petersen was originally reported to have renewed his contract for the show's ninth season, but the Associated Press reported on July 15, 2008, that Petersen was leaving the show as a regular in the ninth season's tenth episode in order to pursue more stage acting opportunities. He will return for guest spots during the show's run, as needed.[14] In his final scene as a regular in “One to Go,” he is shown meeting his fiancée, Sara Sidle, in the rain forest of Costa Rica and they kiss. It was revealed in, "Family Affair," that Grissom and Sara are now married.
  • CSI Level 3: Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan) was an audio-video analyst. Warrick was a Las Vegas native and chemistry major from UNLV. A major facet of Warrick's character portrayed in the show is that he was a recovering gambling addict, his recovery hindered by the fact that he worked in Las Vegas. New CSI Holly Gribbs was killed at a scene in the episode, "Pilot," while Warrick was out laying a bet. He almost lost his job for not being with her at the time. Grissom's friendship and support had helped him a great deal in overcoming his addiction, but his compulsion was one of the reasons used by Conrad Ecklie to investigate and then split up the team in season five. Warrick was married in season six, but divorced by season eight. Warrick's character did not return for the ninth season, since actor Gary Dourdan and CBS could not come to terms on a contract. In the episode "For Gedda," Warrick Brown was shot and left to die; it was confirmed in the season nine premiere, "For Warrick," that Dourdan's character was killed off by the gun shot of the Undersheriff Jeff McKeen.[15] In the opening moments of the premiere, Warrick dies in Gil Grissom's arms and it was also revealed that he had a son.
  • CSI Level 3: Sara Sidle (Jorja Fox) was a materials and element analyst. She was physics major at Harvard University, and previously worked for the San Francisco coroner and crime lab. She replaced Holly Gribbs after helping investigate her death. She is devoted to her job and will go to almost any lengths to make sure that justice is served. She is often socially awkward, but brilliant at her work. Sara also has emotional difficulties when dealing with abuse cases in her job. Sara accepted a marriage proposal from co-worker Gil Grissom in "The Case of the Cross-Dressing Carp." A few episodes later, in, "Goodbye and Good Luck," Sara leaves the team following a difficult case. She leaves Grissom a note, stating that she had to go face the ghosts of her past, something that she could not do in Las Vegas. She made guest appearances in season nine episodes 901, 902, and 905, and she meets Gil Grissom in episode 910 in the Costa Rican jungle. Actress Jorja Fox returned as Sara for the tenth season premiere and was scheduled to return for five more episodes; executive producer Carol Mendolsohn has since reported that the length of Fox's stay remains unknown, but it will definitely be more than the five episodes she was originally scheduled for.[1] It was revealed in "Family Affair" that Grissom and Sara are now married.
  • LVPD Homicide Detective: Sofia Curtis (Louise Lombard) was a CSI who became part of Grissom's team after the mid–season five split, decided by the Assistant Director of the crime lab, Conrad Ecklie. She soon considered resignation, upset at the fact that she had been demoted from acting day shift supervisor. In the sixth season, Sofia makes a career shift from CSI to detective. Sofia was a recurring character in the fifth season, and became a main character in the seventh season. Actress Louise Lombard made her final appearance to date in the episode "Dead Doll," as a special guest star.

Notable guest stars

Episodes

There were twenty-three episodes in the first season, including the two part pilot episode written by Anthony Zuiker, the series' creator. There were twenty-three episodes each of the three following (Seasons two to four). There were twenty-five episodes in Season five and twenty-four in Seasons six and seven. There were only 17 episodes in Season 8, due to the WGA strike. The total number of aired episodes to date is 206. There have also been crossover episodes with its CSI sister shows, CSI: Miami and CSI: NY.
The 200th episode of CSI aired on April 2, 2009.

Crossovers

  • "Cross Jurisdictions", an episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and the pilot of CSI: Miami.
  • A two-part crossover episode with Without a Trace aired on November 8, 2007. The first episode was on CSI with the second part on Without a Trace.
  • On May 8, 2008, the episode "Two And a Half Deaths", written by Two and a Half Men writers Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn, was aired. The episode focused on the death of a sitcom star of a show based on Roseanne, which Lorre wrote some of the episodes. A number of writers of CSI wrote an episode for Two and a Half Men, "Fish In A Drawer", where Charlie's house is investigated following the death of Charlie's stepfather. George Eads (Nick Stokes) was the only actor to appear on both CSI and Two and a Half Men, but portraying different characters. The stars of Two and a Half Men also appeared in part of the CSI episode. They can be seen outside of the dressing trailer, dressed in tuxedos; all three appear to be smoking, but they do not talk.
  • During the tenth season, CSI crossed over with CSI: Miami (for the second time) and CSI: NY (for the first time) in a three part story. The CSI: Trilogy starred Laurence Fishburne as Dr. Raymond Langston as he starts off on CSI: Miami in episode "Bone Voyage," continues his journey on CSI: NY in episode "Hammer Down," and ends with CSI: Crime Scene Investigation in episode "The Lost Girls." These episodes aired November 7, 11, and 12, 2009.

Reception

For the 2001 season CBS decided to move CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, along with the hit franchise Survivor, to Thursday night, ending NBC's long dominance of these television hours, because even though they had a long-standing and popular Must See TV lineup (such as Friends and Will & Grace) they could not compete with CSI's numbers per week. CBS became the most-watched network on American television, with CSI being the most-watched program on television for the 2002–2003 TV season,[16] and the most-watched scripted show for five consecutive seasons, from the 2002–2003 season through the 2006–2007 season.
The 2004–2005 season finale, directed by Quentin Tarantino and entitled "Grave Danger", was watched by over 35 million viewers on May 19, 2005, twice that of the nearest competition.[17]
Reception of the show is good with ratings making it the number one show on the CBS network several times in its history, although it has been criticized for its inaccurate portrayal of how police investigations are performed and for its often extremely violent depictions of the crime. CSI has been nominated numerous times for industry awards and has won nine awards during its history. The program has spawned several media projects including an exhibit at Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry, a series of books, several video games, and two additional TV shows. It has reached milestone episodes, such as the 100th, "Ch-Ch-Changes", the 150th, "Living Legend", which starred Roger Daltrey from The Who and the 200th, "Mascara", airing on April 2, 2009.

Public reaction

CSI's popularity has led to the creation of websites, online discussion forums and a large amount of fan-made art.
On September 27, 2007, after CSI's season eight premiered, a miniature model of character Gil Grissom's office (which he was seen building during season seven) was put up on eBay. The auction ended October 7, with the prop being sold for $15,600; CBS donated the proceeds to the National CASA Association.[18]
A grassroots campaign started on August 2007, upon rumors of Jorja Fox leaving the show,[19] organized by the online forum Your Tax Dollars At Work. Many of its nineteen thousand members donated to the cause, collecting over $8,000 for gifts and stunts targeted at CBS executives and CSI's producers and writers. Some of the stunts included a wedding cake delivery to Carol Mendelsohn, 192 chocolate-covered insects with the message "CSI Without Sara Bugs Us." to Naren Shankar and a plane flying several times over the Universal Studios of Los Angeles with a "Follow the evidence keep Jorja Fox on CSI" banner.[20][21] Other protests included mailing the show's producers a dollar, so as to save Fox's contract "one dollar at a time". By October 16, 2007 according to the site's tally, more than 20,000 letters with money or flyers had been mailed to the Universal Studios and to CBS headquarters in New York from forty-nine different countries since the campaign started on September 29, 2007.[22][23][24] Fox and Mendelsohn chose to donate the money to CASA, a national association that supports and promotes court-appointed advocates for abused or neglected children.[25]

Criticism for violent and sexual themes

CSI has often been criticized for the level and explicitness of graphic violence, images, and sexual content. The CSI series and its spin-off shows have been accused of pushing the boundary of what is considered acceptable viewing for primetime network television.[26] The series had numerous episodes on sexual fetishism and other forms of sexual pleasure (see especially the recurring character of Lady Heather, a professional dominatrix). CSI has been ranked as among the worst prime-time shows for family viewing by the Parents Television Council nearly every season since its second,[27][28][29][30] being ranked the worst show for family prime-time viewing after the 2002–2003[31] and 2005–2006[32] seasons. The PTC has also targeted certain CSI episodes for its weekly "Worst TV Show of the Week" feature.[33][34][35][36][37][38] In addition, the episode "King Baby" aired in February 2005, which the PTC named the most offensive TV show of the week,[38] also led the PTC to start a campaign to file complaints with the FCC with the episode;[39] to date, nearly 13,000 PTC members complained to the Federal Communications Commission about the episode.[40] The PTC has also asked Clorox to pull their advertisements from CSI and CSI: Miami because of the graphically violent content on those programs.[41]

Law enforcement reaction

Another criticism of the show is the depiction of police procedure, which some consider to be decidedly lacking in realism.[42] For instance, the show's characters not only investigate crime scenes ("process", as their real-world counterparts do), but they also conduct raids, engage in suspect pursuit and arrest, interrogate suspects, and solve cases, which falls under the responsibility of uniformed officers and detectives, not CSI personnel. Although some detectives are also registered CSIs, this is exceedingly rare in actual life. It is considered an inappropriate and improbable practice to let CSI personnel to be involved in detective work as it would compromise the impartiality of scientific evidence and would be impracticably time-consuming. CSI shares this characteristic with similar British drama series, Silent Witness.
The cities of North Las Vegas and Henderson, and other surrounding townships and counties, will not allow Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department or companies contracted for work under them to come into their jurisdictions, unless the crime occurred on a border of the cities and/or townships. Furthermore, CSIs contracted to LVMPD don't travel to other counties, such as Nye County, or Pahrump, or any other places in Nevada, due to each county having different laws in regards to what is considered law enforcement within that particular county.
Some police and district attorneys have criticized the show for giving members of the public an inaccurate perception of how police solve crimes. Victims and their families are coming to expect instant answers from showcased techniques such as DNA analysis and fingerprinting, when in real life processing such evidence can take days or even weeks. District attorneys state that the conviction rate in cases with little physical evidence has decreased, largely due to the influence of CSI on jury members.[43]
However, not all law-enforcement agencies have been as critical; many CSIs have responded positively to the show's influence and enjoy their new reputation. In the UK, Scene Of Crime Officers (SOCO) now commonly refer to themselves as CSIs. Some constabularies, such as Norfolk, have even gone so far as to change the name of the unit to Crime Scene Investigation.[44] Also, recruitment and training programs have seen a massive increase in applicants, with a far wider range of people now interested in something previously regarded as a scientific backwater.[45]

LGBT

The LGBT (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) issues community has criticized the show for its negative representation of LGBT characters.[46] Despite the general overall displeasure, the fifth season episode "Ch-Ch-Changes" was received positively by transgenders in particular.[47] Furthermore, the season 5 episode "Iced" featured one of a very few openly gay characters on the show who were not victims or criminals, as the victim's neighbor.[47]

Franchise

Like NBC's Law & Order franchise, CBS went on to produce their own franchise starting in September 2002 with the spin-off CSI: Miami, set in Miami, Florida. Another spin-off debuted September 2004 with CSI: NY, set in New York City. Also, a number of comic books, video games and novels based on the series have been made. The series was found to be in the same "universe" as fellow CBS police-drama Without a Trace during a crossover episodes airing in early November 2007. It is also within the same universe with Cold Case because of the series' crossover with CSI: NY. William Petersen confirmed that a CSI movie is in the works that will star Gil Grissom.[48]

CSI effect

The "CSI effect" (sometimes referred to as the "CSI syndrome") is a reference to the phenomenon of popular television shows such as the CSI franchise, Law & Order, Silent Witness, Crossing Jordan and Waking the Dead raising crime victims' and jury members' real-world expectations of forensic science, especially crime scene investigation and DNA testing.[49] This is said to have changed the way many trials are presented today, in that prosecutors are pressured to deliver more forensic evidence in court.[50]

CSI: The Experience

Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry opened an exhibit in CSI's honor on May 25, 2007 called: "CSI: The Experience".[51] There is also a supporting Web site designed for the benefit of people who cannot visit the exhibit at CSI: The Experience Web Adventure, designed by Rice University's Center for Technology in Teaching & Learning.

Ratings

American ratings

Seasonal rankings (based on average total viewers per episode) of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation on CBS.
Note: U.S. network television seasons generally start in late September and end in late May, which coincides with the completion of the May sweeps.
Season Timeslot (EDT) Season Premiere Season Finale TV Season Rank Viewers
(in millions)
1 Friday 9:00 pm/8c (from October 6, 2000 – January 12, 2001)
Thursday 9:00 pm/8c (from February 1, 2001)
October 6, 2000 (2000-10-06) May 17, 2001 (2001-05-17) 2000–2001 #10 17.80[52]
2 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 27, 2001 (2001-09-27) May 16, 2002 (2002-05-16) 2001–2002 #2 23.69[53]
3 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 26, 2002 (2002-09-26) May 15, 2003 2002–2003 #1 26.20[54]
4 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 25, 2003 (2003-09-25) May 20, 2004 2003–2004 #1 25.27[55]
5 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 23, 2004 (2004-09-23) May 19, 2005 2004–2005 #2 26.26[56]
6 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 22, 2005 (2005-09-22) May 18, 2006 2005–2006 #3 24.86[57]
7 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 21, 2006 (2006-09-21) May 17, 2007 2006–2007 #5 20.00[58]
8 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 27, 2007 (2007-09-27) May 15, 2008 2007–2008 #9 16.62[59]
9 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c October 9, 2008 (2008-10-09) May 14, 2009 2008–2009 #4 19.03[60]
10 Thursday 9:00 pm/8c September 24, 2009 (2009-09-24) Spring 2010 2009–2010 #7 15.74 (to date)

DVR ratings

The show ranked number three in DVR playback (3.07 million viewers), according to Nielsen prime DVR lift data from September 22 to November 23, 2008.[61]

UK ratings

CSI airs new episodes on UK terrestrial channel FIVE on Tuesday nights at 21:00; viewership is usually around 3 million. Repeats are shown on Five USA throughout the week, with viewing figures less than the million mark. Episodes are also shown on the channel Living. CSI is generally top on the network rank. But these ratings on Five barely reach the 2 main UK channels, BBC 1 & ITV 1, when their ratings of number 1 are usually around 8-13 million viewers.

Awards and nominations

Awards

  • Top TV Series – 2006
  • Outstanding Achievement in Cinematography in Episodic TV Series – 2006
  • Outstanding Achievement in Cinematography in Episodic TV Series – 2005
  • Outstanding Sound Mixing For A Comedy Or Drama Series – 2007
  • Outstanding Cinematography For A Single-camera Series – 2006
  • Outstanding Sound Editing For A Series – 2003
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (Non-Prosthetic) – 2002
  • Best Network Television Series – 2004
  • Outstanding Ensemble in a Drama Series – 2004

Nominations

  • Outstanding Music Composition For A Series (Original Dramatic Score) – 2007
  • Outstanding Prosthetic Makeup For A Series, Miniseries Or Special – 2007
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (non-prosthetic) – 2007
  • Outstanding Cinematography For A Single-Camera Series – 2007
  • Outstanding Single-camera Sound Mixing For A Series – 2006
  • Outstanding Sound Editing For A Series – 2006
  • Outstanding Directing For A Drama Series – 2005: Quentin Tarantino
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (non-prosthetic) – 2005
  • Outstanding Single-camera Sound Mixing For A Series – 2005
  • Outstanding Sound Editing For A Series – 2005
  • Outstanding Cinematography For A Single-Camera Series – 2004
  • Outstanding Drama Series – 2004
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (Non-Prosthetic) – 2004
  • Outstanding Single-Camera Sound Mixing For A Series – 2004
  • Outstanding Drama Series – 2003
  • Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series – 2003: Marg Helgenberger
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (Non-Prosthetic) – 2003
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (Prosthetic) – 2003
  • Outstanding Single-Camera Sound Mixing For A Series – 2003
  • Outstanding Cinematography For A Single-Camera Series – 2002
  • Outstanding Drama Series – 2002
  • Outstanding Makeup For A Series (Prosthetic) – 2002
  • Outstanding Single-Camera Sound Mixing For A Series – 2002
  • Outstanding Sound Editing For A Series – 2002
  • Outstanding Art Direction For A Single-Camera Series – 2001
  • Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series – 2001: Marg Helgenberger
  • Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing For A Series – 2001
  • Outstanding Sound Editing For A Series – 2001

DVD releases

Region 1 DVD releases

# DVD Name Episodes Release Date
1 The Complete First Season 23 March 25, 2003 (2003-03-25)
2 The Complete Second Season September 2, 2003 (2003-09-02)
3 The Complete Third Season March 30, 2004 (2004-03-30)
4 The Complete Fourth Season October 12, 2004 (2004-10-12)
5 The Complete Fifth Season 25 November 29, 2005 (2005-11-29)
6 The Complete Sixth Season 24 November 14, 2006 (2006-11-14)
7 The Complete Seventh Season November 20, 2007 (2007-11-20)
8 The Complete Eighth Season 17 October 14, 2008 (2008-10-14)
9 The Complete Ninth Season 24 September 1, 2009 (2009-09-01)
10 The Complete Tenth Season 25 Fall 2010
The US box sets are released by CBS DVD (distributed by Paramount), while the Canadian box sets are distributed by Alliance Atlantis. The first season DVD release differs from all subsequent seasons in that it is available only in 1.33:1 or 4:3 full frame, rather than the subsequent aspect ratio of 1.78:1 or 16:9 widescreen, which is the HDTV standard aspect ratio.
The first season is also the only DVD release of the series not to feature Dolby Digital 5.1 surround audio, instead offering Dolby Digital stereo sound.

Region 2/4 DVD releases

Regions 2 and 4 DVD releases have followed a pattern whereby each season is progressively released in two parts (each of 11 or 12 episodes [with the exception of Season 8, in which part 1 contained 8 episodes and the Without a Trace crossover and part 2 contained the remaining 9 episodes] with special features split up) before finally being sold as a single box set. After having been almost 12 months behind region 2 releases after the first four series, region 4 releases are speeding up, with distributors simply releasing season five as a complete box set.

Region 2

Region 2 Releases The Boxsets in 2 Halves, Starting With Season 1 up until Season 8. As Of Season 9 The UK Will Release The DVD's In Complete Season Boxsets.
DVD Name Release dates
Full season Part 1 Part 2
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 1 December 8, 2003 July 1, 2002 October 7, 2002
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 2 March 15, 2004 July 28, 2003 October 6, 2003
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 3 July 26, 2004 April 5, 2004 July 5, 2004
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Seasons 1–3 August 23, 2004
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 4 November 21, 2005 May 9, 2005 July 11, 2005
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Seasons 1–4 December 12, 2005
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 5 June 26, 2006 April 24, 2006 June 14, 2006
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Seasons 1–5 October 2, 2006
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grave Danger – Tarantino Episodes October 10, 2005
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 6 June 4, 2007 February 26, 2007 June 4, 2007
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 7 February 25, 2008 September 3, 2007 February 25, 2008
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 8 February 16, 2009 September 22, 2008 February 16, 2009
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 9 March 1, 2010

Region 4

DVD Name Release dates
Full season Part 1 Part 2
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 1 November 27, 2003 October 21, 2002 April 9, 2003
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 2 October 28, 2004 October 27, 2003 March 30, 2004
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 3 October 4, 2005 March 18, 2005 September 13, 2005
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 4 November 8, 2006 May 12, 2006 August 17, 2006
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 5 January 24, 2007 Not released Not released
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grave Danger – Tarantino Episodes June 6, 2007
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 6 December 5, 2007 Not released Not released
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 7 December 3, 2008 Not released Not released
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 8 July 15, 2009 Not released Not released

Blu-ray Releases

CBS Home Entertainment (distributed by Paramount) released the first season on High Definition Blu-ray disc on May 12, 2009.[2] Unlike its DVD counterpart[3], this release is in its original 16:9 widescreen format and feature 7.1 surround sound.
Season 9 was released on September 1, 2009. Like the Season 1 Blu-Ray release, it features a 16:9 widescreen transfer with DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 surround sound. Extras include commentaries, featurettes and BD-Live functionality.[62]

Other Releases

The CSI franchise has also been released as a series of mobile games. In Fall 2007, CBS teamed up with game developer Gameloft to bring CSI to mobile phones. The first of the series to be published was CSI: Miami. The game features actual cast members such as Horatio Caine, Alexx Woods and Calleigh Duquesne who are trying to solve a murder in South Beach with the player's assistance.[63] The game is also available for download on various iPod devices.[64]
In spring 2008, Gameloft and CBS released "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - The Mobile Game" which is based on the original series in Las Vegas, NV. This game introduces the unique ability to receive calls during the game to provide tips and clues about crime scenes and evidence. As for the storyline, the game developers collaborated with Anthony E. Zuiker (the series creator) to ensure that the plot and dialogue were aligned with the show's style.[65]

Books

  • True Stories of CSI: The Real Crimes Behind the Best Episodes of the Popular TV Show (published 08/09) – Katherine Ramsland follows the evidence and revisits some of the most absorbing episodes of the phenomenally popular C.S.I. television franchise, and explores the real-life crimes that inspired them. She also looks into the authenticity of the forensic investigations recreated for the dramatizations, and the painstaking real-life forensic process employed in every one of the actual cases—from notorious mass-murderer Richard Speck, to the massacre of Buddhist monks in an Arizona Temple, to a baffling case of apparent spontaneous combustion.
  • In September 2009, Tokyopop releashed a manga version of CSI written by Sekou Hamilton and drawn by Steven Cummings. It deals around five teenage kids working at the Las Vegas Crime Lab as interns as they try to solve a murder case of a student at their high school which leads to a shocking discovery. Grissom and Cathrine are seen now and then as well as some of the other CSI characters. In typical manga form the graphic novel is full of classic manga icons such as sweatdrops and anger marks though does not over-do it.

Video Games

Online sales

Country Store Available Season
Philippines Philippines iTunes Store 6, 7, 8 and 9 (after episode airs on TV)
United States United States Amazon Unbox 6, 7 and 8
United States United States Xbox Live 6 and 7 (approximately one week after airing—no longer offered)
United States United States NetFlix 7, 8 and 9 (streaming with Instant play for Netflix customers)
United Kingdom United Kingdom Demand Five 6, 7, 8 and 9 (immediately after airing)
Germany Germany RTLnow 6, 7, 8 and 9 (one week before airing)

See also

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External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

.CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (usually referred to as CSI) (2000-) is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.^ CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (commonly referred to as CSI) is a popular, Emmy Award-winning .
  • Crime scene 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC comp-int.com [Source type: General]

^ Notify me of updates to CSI crime scene investigation Season 1-8 .
  • CSI crime scene investigation Season 1-8 | discount dvd | new dvd release 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.dvdmsn.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Wallpaper 640x480 - 800x600 .
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation wallpapers 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.idealwallpapers.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Contents

Season 1

Pilot [1.1]

Catherine: What do you think?
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.

.Brass: I think every new hire should experience an autopsy on their first night.^ If you want to be a CSI I think that is GREAT! But being a cop first will give you more experience then you can ever imagine.
  • ICSIA, How to become a CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.icsia.org [Source type: Original source]

^ Fishburne's first appearance as Raymond Langston spurred viewer interest in the network's Thursday night tentpole show and CBS won every hour of the night.
  • Strong ratings for Fishburne's 'CSI' debut--The Live Feed 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.thrfeed.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]


Grissom: Morning. .Gil Grissom, forensics.^ Gil Grissom, the senior forensics officer, heads the team of investigators at the Criminalistics Bureau in Las Vegas.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC timstvshowcase.com [Source type: General]

.I'm taking over the case for Warrick Brown.^ Undeniable : CSI's Catherine Willows & Warrick Brown Take Care, Dayna __________________ .
  • CSI Las Vegas Sites - Talk CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC talk.csifiles.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]
  • CSI Las Vegas Sites - Talk CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC talk.csifiles.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Mind if I come in?
Husband: [sighs] How can I help you?
Grissom: I need to give you a pedicure.
Husband: Come again?

.Grissom: If latex rubber and cooking spray went on a blind date, how would the night end?^ I think people who have a problem with this are the people who hoped that Grissom would end up with Catherine/Sophia/Lady Heather etc.

.Charlotte: A lot better than ours did.^ However, overall, it looks like the later portions of the game had better luck in the porting process than the original game did.

.Grissom: I know, Pink Floyd's not your thing.^ GRISSOM: We both know that's not your problem.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GSR Club #29: Sara, the Password to Grissom's Heart GSR Club #30: We Have A Thing For Older Boards GSR Club #31: We Know What Keeps Him Up At Night!
  • CSI at TV.com 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC www.tv.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Charlotte: I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. .What makes you think "Dark Side of the Moon" synched to the Wizard of Oz is going to warm my damn barn?^ A make you think show 334 days ago Linda said...
  • Csi HOTList: The hottest Csi page - HOT or NOT 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.hotornot.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ You'd think maybe, just maybe, the developer could have cleaned up the first game's graphics a smidgen rather than going for the schizophrenic graphical approach.

^ A make you think show 340 days ago Karen said...
  • Csi HOTList: The hottest Csi page - HOT or NOT 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.hotornot.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Grissom: I just thought it'd be something different.
Charlotte: You want to be different? .Pin me up against a wall; lay one on me like you mean it.^ You can cross-reference prints against the police database, compare different samples of hair, or compare tire tracks against one another.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Review for PC - GameSpot 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC www.gamespot.com [Source type: General]

[Charlotte gets up and walks past Grissom.]
Charlotte: You're slacking, pal.
[She sits down in front of the computer database. The computer beeps and starts running through print comparisons.]
Grissom: How long till we get a hit?
.Charlotte: It could be four minutes, could be four days but you can bet your ass she'll give you something.^ However, you'll be left to do more of the detective work on your own, though you'll still have the option of consulting them for additional advice.
  • PC Games > CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Preview 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC uk.videogames.games.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ Most of the time, you'll pull up your toolkit, put on your gloves, and simply pick up the item for later analysis.
  • DailyGame Review: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation [PC] 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC www.dailygame.net [Source type: General]

^ Other times, you'll need to pull the fingerprint duster, UV lamp, or other tools from your kit and run them over the evidence for an on-the-spot analysis.
  • DailyGame Review: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation [PC] 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC www.dailygame.net [Source type: General]

She always does.
Grissom: "Pin you against a wall?"
[Grissom casts Charlotte a sideways glance.]

Royce Harmon: [Recorded] My name is Royce Harmon. .I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, Las Vegas, Nevada.^ CSI: The Experience Las Vegas Nevada - VEGAS.com My Account .
  • CSI: The Experience Las Vegas Nevada - VEGAS.com 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.vegas.com [Source type: General]

^ In the city of Las Vegas , Nevada , its reputation for providing instant success for those willing to try their luck draws in the hopeful and the naive.
  • CSI Lasvegas Seasons 1-9 DVD Boxset - Star Trek Voyager DVD-Cheap DVD-Discount 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.dvdsetshop.com [Source type: General]

^ Author: margaretrte sergio vega [URL= http://sergio-vega.evilauto.info/index.html ] sergio vega [/URL] clip mindy vega [URL= http://clip-mindy-vega.evilauto.info/index.html ] clip mindy vega [/URL] estate las nevada [URL= http://estate-las-nevada.evilauto.i .
  • Crawford Z Car :: Suspension :: 350Z Strut Bar 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.crawfordz.com [Source type: Original source]

I am 41 years of age ... and I'm going to kill myself.

Catherine: [explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. .At least until you solve your first.^ If this is your first time to the site, let us welcome you to what we hope will become your new daily source of CSI: New York information.
  • GameStats: CSI: New York Cheats, Reviews, News 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC www.gamestats.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ Imagine yourself sitting on your comfortable couch in your television room watching CSI. You become the crime scene investigator trying to solve the mystery.
  • http://students.stritch.edu/agpeterson/paper1.html 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC students.stritch.edu [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ For instance, in the first game, your lab partners practically walked you through the entire investigation, thus leaving little thinking for you to do.
  • PC Games > CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Preview 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC uk.videogames.games.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

.And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit.^ Erick Harper, DVD Verdict "There's not a night of the week when you can't catch some form of "C.S.I." on TV, but there's nothing quite like the original."
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Complete Fifth Season : DVD : William L. Petersen : Marg Helgenberger : Gary Dourdan : : Paramount - Buy.com 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.buy.com [Source type: General]

But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.

Sgt. O'Riley: [Describing Brass and Grissom] Here comes the "nerd squad".

.Greg: I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right.^ By the way, there are other changes afoot in the lab (and don't read on if you don't want to see a few spoilers for the new season of "CSI"): .

^ Stop reading (and watching) here if you don’t want to know a few general things about the episode’s plot.

^ It has a lot of enraged fans out there after its Thursday season finale ( warning, don’t read this if you haven’t seen the "CSI" season-ender yet ): .

Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Nick: Anal swabs?
Greg: Anal swabs.

Grissom: [yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!

Grissom: I need you to roll up your sleeve and give me a pint of your blood
Holly: What for?
Grissom: It's customary for all new hires.
Holly: Why?
Grissom: So many reasons...
[some time later] [Grissom is undertaking a blood spatter reconstruction using real blood]
Warrick: Where'd you get the blood?
Grissom: The new girl. Want to donate?
Warrick: Hell no.

[Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy]
.Grissom: You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.^ You gotta be careful where you take your shower."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]


[To a room full of 'corpses', after Holly Gribbs was frightened into hysterics]
Grissom: You assholes!

Cool Change [1.2]


.Nick: How do you know all this crap?^ The CSI's shows have done a lot to bring to the public's attention the "work" of a CSI. Unfortunately it is not like on TV, as you all know.
  • ICSIA, How to become a CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.icsia.org [Source type: Original source]

^ For those who would stop watching because of the drama, you should ask yourselves how much you actually know about the "science of forensics."

^ Im sure you all know this, but a friendly reminder, CSI premieres tonight.
  • CSI: Las Vegas - DVDfile.com forum for DVD, Blu-Ray, and HD-DVD 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC forums.dvdfile.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Grissom: It's our job to know stuff.

Grissom: Yes, yes, Norman pushed. Norman jumped. Norman fell.
Sara: Wouldn't you, if you were married to Mrs. Roper?
.Grissom:I don't even have to turn around.^ Grissom turns around.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Sara Sidle.
Sara: That's me. Still tossin' simulation dummies? .There are other ways to tell, you know.^ By the way, there are other changes afoot in the lab (and don't read on if you don't want to see a few spoilers for the new season of "CSI"): .

Grissom: No thanks. I'm a scientist. I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple. I drop dummies.
.Sara: You're old school.^ SARA: Well, that's kind of hard to do when you don't speak English and you're a sex slave.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Well, if you're here, it can't be good.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: Exactly. This guy was pushed.
Sara: How's the girl?
Grissom: She's still in surgery. She's not doing too well.
Sara: That's too bad.
.Grissom: God, Sara, I have so many unanswered whys.^ Grissom discovers why Sara is so angry.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ The scene was as gracefully done as it could be, and we finally got to understand why Grissom and Sara have been so happy and lighthearted this season.

.Sara: There's only one why that matters now, why did Warrick Brown leave the scene?^ I, for one, am happy about the direction the show is taking and there are thousands more like me, who have waited 6 long years to see Grissom and Sara in a relationship.

^ I don't care HOW WHERE WHEN or WHY Gris and Sara finally hooked up...as long as they did!!

^ There's less of Bill Irwin's magnetic performance as the tightly wound "Dick and Jane Killer," and more scenes of one of his accomplices menacing a new victim.


.Sara: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?^ SARA: You would know.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Catherine sits next to Sara) CATHERINE: Thank you, Sara.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You know what, if this is gonna be one of your "for the good of the lab" speeches, don't bother.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Catherine: She's out in the field. Let me guess, Sara Sidle?
.Sara: I know who I am, I think you're a little confused.^ ROBBINS: You're thinking ritualistic?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You would know.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You wouldn't know that in my house.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: [Laughing] Jacks or better. You're under arrest.
Suspect: Oh, yeah? What for?
Grissom: First-degree murder.
Suspect: Oh. On what grounds?
Grissom: [Looking at suspect's boots] Roof dust.

Catherine dials the number on the pager:
.Sara: What are you gonna say?^ SARA: Are you saying that you didn't?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You know what, if this is gonna be one of your "for the good of the lab" speeches, don't bother.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Hi, I'm a criminalist, I was in the neighborhood...
Catherine: Shhhhh....it's ringing.
Suspect: Hello.
Catherine: Ah, hey.
Suspect: Hey, who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper.
Catherine: Uh-uh, it's my beeper now, I found it.
Suspect: That ain't your beeper, girl, it's mine, I do a lot of business on that beeper.
Catherine: What kind of business?
Suspect: You know, slinging a little something-something.
Catherine: Oh, a little something-something, or maybe a little bling-bling?
.Suspect: Ah, so what you know about some bling-bling?^ Stop reading (and watching) here if you don’t want to know a few general things about the episode’s plot.

^ You give her clothes, money and shelter, and, uh, and then she goes and makes up some bogus story about how you attacked her.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ HODGES: You know what I like about flesh decomposing in soil?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Catherine: Well invite me over to your crib, baby, and you might find out.^ The Fall TV Season's Winding Down - January 9, 2008 Find out when your favorite show ends its season run.
  • IGN: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.ign.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ We find Catherine and Grissom standing over it trying to figure out how to get to the evidence inside.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: So, you can't sell your kids, but you can buy their mother.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Suspect: Three Aces Motel, room 202
Catherine: Three Aces Motel, room 202, ahh, see you soon. *hangs up the phone*
Sara: ...
Catherine: Did I just do that?
Sara: What's a bling-bling?
Catherine: Got me.

Crate 'n Burial [1.3]

Sara: Get a picture of the security pad, someone touches it before it's dusted I break their fingers.

.Sara: You're standing in my crime scene.^ Combining music and sounds from the 50s and 60s, with a blend of classic rock and older and recent country, you get Middle Tennessee a band called CRIME SCENE..
  • Crime scene 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC comp-int.com [Source type: General]

^ Interactive Touch Screen puts you in the middle of the crime scene.
  • http://www.play.com/Games/DS/4-/3437719/CSI-Crime-Scene-Investigation-Dark-Motives/Product.html 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.play.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Well, that's kind of hard to do when you don't speak English and you're a sex slave.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Nick: No, you're in mine.^ You're mine tonight.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: He needs a translator, 'cause you're not even speaking the same language.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Sara: You got audio, I wanted that.^ SARA: What do you want from me?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: You wanted to talk to me about Sara?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Nick: I out rank you.
.Sara: Technicality, who'd Grissom handpick to work here?^ Here's Petersen reminiscing about his time on the show; he names his favorite episode and also talks about Grissom's relationship with Sara Sidle: .

Nick: Keep telling yourself that.

Sara: Excuse me. Is my evaluation interrupting you?
Grissom: No, I barely heard you.

Grissom: People leave us clues, Nick. They speak to us in thousands of different ways. .It's our job to make sure we've tried to hear every single thing they've said.^ CATHERINE: It makes our job a lot harder.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Sure, the crime-scene techs often mutter sarcastic asides as they do their jobs, but “CSI” isn’t known as a laugh riot.

^ "Our research and our fans said they really love Fishburne and respect him," Tassler said.


Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
.Sara: You keep that; might learn something.^ Something you might need to correct, though.
  • CSI Las Vegas Sites - Talk CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC talk.csifiles.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]
  • CSI Las Vegas Sites - Talk CSI 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC talk.csifiles.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ Learning that it was Sara to whom Grissom was speaking while leaning on his bed in what appeared to be a non-Grissom-like Hawaiian shirt was something of a let down.

^ I don't know what show you have been watching, if you are denying that there was ever something between Grissom and Sara.

Nick: Stop flirting with me.

Sara: Hey Grissom! Would you come tape me up?
Grissom: I love my work.
Catherine: It shows.

Pledging Mr. Johnson [1.4]

Nick: I can't believe I used to live in a place like this.
.Sara: And here I had all this respect for you.^ Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood gives you all the dos and don'ts of a first...
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - Game Play | SPIKE 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.spike.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - Game Play | SPIKE 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.spike.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ I have thoughtfully read through all of the comments posted and the thing that sticks out for me is that it doesn't matter if you love Grissom and Sara or not.

^ SARA: Well, if you're here, it can't be good.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


[After finding out the drowned woman had fried calamari before she died]
Catherine: Now tell me, why are we here?
Grissom: 'Cuz it's the only place within ten miles of Calville Bay that serves calamari.
.Catherine: And you know this because...?^ CATHERINE: You know ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ For those who would stop watching because of the drama, you should ask yourselves how much you actually know about the "science of forensics."

.Grissom: I come here for calamari.^ UPDATE : Here's a clip of Grissom informing the team of his coming departure in "19 Down...": .

Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.

.Grissom: [to Catherine after finding a severed leg] Well Watson, the game's afoot.^ We find Catherine and Grissom standing over it trying to figure out how to get to the evidence inside.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: Well, Doc Robbins told me that she had severe trauma to the skull, probably what killed her.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Dr.Robbins: The leg was severed post-mortem.
.Catherine: Well, that's good news.^ CATHERINE: (scoffs) Yeah, well, good luck on that one.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Dr.Robbins: How do you figure?
.Catherine: Would you want to be alive while your leg's being cut off?^ CATHERINE: Distal phalanges were cut off.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: So, you can't sell your kids, but you can buy their mother.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: (to Ecklie) Okay, here's what I wanted to show you.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Sara: [to Warrick]: Fine suit.
[Warrick and Nick turn around to find Sara in the locker room]
.Sara: [to Nick] And well, just fine.^ NICK: Yeah, well, her wounds don't just trickle, man, they-they gush.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ "The interesting thing is, Catherine's decision to promote Nick, even though it's well deserved, is facilitated by the arrival of Sara Sidle.

Nick: That's harassment.
.Sara: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.^ (Sara walks into the locker room.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ At one point (an episode called "Butterflied"in the fourth season) it was made very clear that although Grissom was very attracted to Sara, he wouldn't jeopardize his job for her.


Greg: What's Grissom doing?
Warrick: He's trying to find a missing boat.
Greg: And let me guess, Catherine got bored?
.Warrick: Well you know Grissom, the shortest distance between two points is science.^ I do not think it was out of character at all, anyone could see the attraction between the two and if you couldn't well, you must have been watching a different show.

^ WARRICK: Yeah, well, admit the punch and you go to jail for a night.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ "If you alternate [hands when you double glove, put two gloves on each hand] there's more contact between the exposed latex of the first glove and atmospheric microbes."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement.

Catherine: No. No way, use your own hand.
Grissom: Come on, Catherine, my hand's too big.
Catherine: No!
Grissom: It's the only way we can print her. Her skin on your hand should fit like a leather glove.
Grissom: May I take your hand?

Grissom: You just compromised our investigation.
Catherine: He deserved to know the truth.
Grissom: Knowing how she died, yes. Knowing that she had an affair -- how does that bring closure?
.Catherine: I guess you just have to be on the wrong end of an affair to understand.^ Then again, why not just try it the hardest right away, since you'll be using this guide anyway ;p Also note that at the end of every case, you get a pop quiz.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: (sighs) You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Grissom: You can't make this about Eddie.^ You give her clothes, money and shelter, and, uh, and then she goes and makes up some bogus story about how you attacked her.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: You can make a nice mold from the impression.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: You wanted to talk to me about Sara?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Look, you hurt our case because your ex hurt you.^ With a little info about you and your family, you'll get the most out of our site.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - Television Review 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.commonsensemedia.org [Source type: General]

^ Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Providing your children's ages allows us to personalize information on our site, so you get better information, faster.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - Television Review 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.commonsensemedia.org [Source type: General]

Catherine: We bring ourselves to our cases. We can't help it. I knew how Barger felt. Would you just relax? I didn't give him chapter and verse.
.Grissom: You can't give him anything, Catherine.^ Give him the stuff and then compare the hair you found with the Singapore cat.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

We're scientists. We're not psychiatrists or victims' rights advocates.
.Catherine: You're right, you know.^ GRISSOM: I want to know why you're so angry.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: You know ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo watching discovery on the big screen working genius- level crossword puzzles, but no relationships. No chance any will slop over into a case. Right. .I want to be just like you.^ Author: Sex Toys Just Wanted To Tell You, Good Work!
  • Crawford Z Car :: Suspension :: 350Z Strut Bar 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC www.crawfordz.com [Source type: Original source]

Grissom: Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right. I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine: Grissom ... what personal stuff?

Grissom: Look ... could we have a truce?
Catherine: I would love to.
Grissom: Good.
Grissom: But let me do all the talking to the husband and the boyfriend.
Catherine: He had to say it.

Friends and Lovers [1.5]

Nick: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.

.Warrick: Don't take it personally miss, but he's [Grissom] kind of married to his job.^ And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Grissom: There are three kinds of people I hate.^ And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Men who hit their wives, sexual assault on children, and the scum who deal death to kids.

Grissom: Teenage wasteland! (Referencing The Who's hit song, "Baba O'Riley")
Warrick: Who?
Grissom: Yeah!

Who Are You? [1.6]

Evans: [Pointing to an exotic dancer on stage] You dressed like that?
.Catherine: If you want to call it dressed.^ CATHERINE: (to Ecklie) Okay, here's what I wanted to show you.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


(Nick and Grissom discover a skeleton in the wall of a house)
Nick: Ten bucks says the owner sells the house.
.Grissom: By law you've got to disclose everything.^ GRISSOM: You've been spending too much time with Ecklie.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Three bedrooms, two baths, and a skeleton.

[Eddie, Catherine's ex is accused of rape]
Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Grissom: ...Vigorous.
.Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.^ He tells you things didn't go as planned, he doesn't like the producer, and he'll allow you to visit his trailer...
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

.Catherine: Thank you, Warrick.^ Catherine sits next to Sara) CATHERINE: Thank you, Sara.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Blood Drops [1.7]

.Grissom: [quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?^ You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Sara: [talking about Brenda, a 6 year old girl] Going back to the girl.^ Go back to the theatre, and talk to the woman.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ I, for one, am happy about the direction the show is taking and there are thousands more like me, who have waited 6 long years to see Grissom and Sara in a relationship.

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

I left her in the car.
[Grissom and Catherine stare at her blankly]
Sara: The windows are cracked... Give me a little credit. She's at the hospital!

Anonymous [1.8]

.Brass: Oh, you're gonna love this.^ You're gonna nail it.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ BRASS: So you're a romantic.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ BRASS: You're not in construction or anything?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

[opens bathroom door] Ring any bells? Rub-a-dub-dub, dead man in the tub.

Grissom: What happened?
Brass: You tell me Carnac.

Brass: Quincy wants to be alone.
Uniformed Cop: Why does he want to be alone?
Brass: He wants to get his mojo working.

Grissom: Life's like holding a dove. You hold it too hard...
Catherine: ... you kill it.
Grissom: Hold it too soft...
Sara: ... and it'll fly away.

Grissom: We're going off the board, tonight.
Sara: Off the board?
Catherine: The ones that got away. [Gestures to the fish shaped bulletin board] Fish.
Sara: Oh. I missed that one.

.Nick: You look a little tired.^ But you know, for a guy who's over 40, lonely, tired of the bar scene, got a little cash, wants to buy himself a sweet honey, be his companion ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Want me to give you a bottle, make you go night night?^ Go to the office, and Jim will be happy to give you a a new location; Draffer Promotion Office.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ WARRICK: Yeah, well, admit the punch and you go to jail for a night.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ You give her clothes, money and shelter, and, uh, and then she goes and makes up some bogus story about how you attacked her.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Warrick: Want me to clack that jaw and make you go night night?^ But when you are on the highway, you get to roll two dice, which makes you go faster.
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]


Warrick: There's other questions to answer first.
Nick: Like what?
Warrick: Footprints and tire treads.
Nick: I hate you.
Warrick: You love me. Who are you kidding?

Greg: So, what's the pool up to?
Nick: We don't bet on cases.
Greg: Ah, of course you don't...So who's winning?
Nick and Warrick: I am.
Greg: Fiends.

Unfriendly Skies [1.9]

Grissom: So, dead guy in first class?
.Brass: Las Vegas Air, I always heard it was a good time.^ CUT TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. WELLSTONE RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Nick interview Ken Wellstone.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ BRASS: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CUT TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MADAME MATRYOSHKA'S (BEAUTY SHOP) - LOBBY -- DAY] (Brass and Nick walk into the beauty shop.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: I want this whole plane taped off ... nose to tail and wing to wing.
Brass: Oh, it's going to take a lot of tape.
Grissom: I've got a dead body, a crime scene with wings. Something very wrong happened in this plane.

Sara: I take it that's not blood.
Grissom: No but there's protein in it.
Sara: Oh, the Mile High Club. .That means that 2 passengers may have had no idea what was going on inside that cabin.^ I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Grissom: You know high altitude enhances the whole sexual experience, increases the euphoria.^ I don't know what show you have been watching, if you are denying that there was ever something between Grissom and Sara.

^ GRISSOM: I want to know why you're so angry.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Sara: Well, it's good...I don't know if it's that good. Cite your source.
Grissom: Hand me a swab please.
.Sara: You're avoiding the question, "enhances sexual experience, increases euphoria" cite your source.^ Your Must-Watch List You're always in the mood for a good belly laugh.
  • Yahoo! TV 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: So what happened, the Russian agency denied your application for another wife, or, uh, you lost your taste for white meat?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: A magazine.
Sara: What magazine?
Grissom: Applied psycho dynamics in forensic science.
Sara: Never heard of it.
Grissom: I'll get you a subscription. Now cite your source.
.Sara: Oh, now you want to go down that route?^ SARA: What do you want from me?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Find exactly what you want now.
  • TV Show Video Clips - Yahoo! TV 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: Yeah.
Sara: Nah, never mind.
Grissom: You started it.
Sara: Delta airlines, flight 1109, Boston- Miami, March 93, Ken Fuller, hazel eyes, organic chem lab TABMOC, overrated, in every aspect. Could we get back to work please?
.Grissom: Yeah, I think due to your first hand knowledge and experience in airplane bathrooms, you should do the swab.^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ "If you alternate [hands when you double glove, put two gloves on each hand] there's more contact between the exposed latex of the first glove and atmospheric microbes."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Sara: Fine.

Grissom: Well, in this case we're going to recreate the flight from ... 1630 hours on. [points to Brass] You are in 4B.
Brass: Lou.
Catherine: Lou -- the angry businessman. How about that?
Sara: I want to be Shannon. Good.
Warrick: The stewardess.
Sara: Excuse me -- it's "Flight Attendant".
Grissom: Catherine-- the doctor, 3E.
Catherine: Single mom. What an imagination you have.
.Grissom: [points to Nick and Warrick] Max and Marlene, 2E and F. You two are married.^ WARRICK: According to your credit card statements, you purchased several buckets of tar two and five years ago ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Who wants to wear the pants?
Nick: CSI-3 seniority, "sweetie".
Warrick: Yeah, whatever. You're henpecked anyway.
.Sara: [To Grissom] Let me guess -- you're the computer geek.^ You can see it especially in seasons 1 and 2, and especially in the Butterflied episode Sara was brought on as a love interest for Grissom.

^ SARA: Well, if you're here, it can't be good.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: In the interest of clarity, yes. Nate in 2C.

Grissom: A, B, C, D or all of the above. Standoff with the police -- guy gets shot in the chest, runs back into his burning house inhaling smoke as he goes. The roof collapses the air conditioning unit falls on his head, he dies. What killed him?

Nick: (to Warrick) Excuse me, buttercup.

Sara: Guys...If you jump a guy at the exit, he dies at the exit.

.Grissom: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened.^ Just one more thing, the ones that don't like seeing Grissom and Sara in a relationship don't have to stop watching the show, because as we all know CSI isn't about relationships, it's about the casefiles and the science.

^ It's also wonderful that their relationship was shown as something that has been long term and ongoing - not just a one time hookup.

It took five people to kill him. .It would have only taken one person to save his life.^ "Sometimes fraternal twins, two seperately fertialized eggs, develop into only one person.
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Sex, Lies, and Larvae [1.10]

.Grissom: No, Sara's gonna work with me.^ No matter how competent Sara is, she's not Grissom's equal.

^ So what we are left with are Grissom and Sara showing no chemistry, no passion and no real enthusiasm for "finally finding each other."

^ "Paul Guilfoyle's ace performance was pushed aside for the Grissom and Sara Show, a pairing that makes no sense on any level.

.You've got a missing person, Sheryl Applegate.^ CATHERINE: Yet you didn't file a missing persons report.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Her husband notified the police that she took the car and headed to LA, but she never showed up. A few hours ago, the PD found her car at the bus station. They requested a CSI.
Nick: She took the bus instead, case solved. [grins]
.Grissom: Well, right now, treat her car like a crime scene.^ GRISSOM: Well, let's see what our other one looks like, shall we?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

[tilts his head to the side] Go.

.Grissom: You've still got to convince a jury.^ GRISSOM: You've been spending too much time with Ecklie.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Sara: On guns. It's got to be better than bugs. Less Latin.

.Sara: You're the one who's always saying it's better to have one piece of forensic evidence than ten eyewitnesses.^ Your Must-Watch List You're always in the mood for a good belly laugh.
  • Yahoo! TV 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ I, for one, am happy about the direction the show is taking and there are thousands more like me, who have waited 6 long years to see Grissom and Sara in a relationship.

^ If you're done asking, you'll find out David McLadden checks his bike, but took longer than usual.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: What, do you tape everything I say?

.Scott Shelton: [after Sara discovers blood that has been wiped clean off the wall] I have no idea how it got there.^ No matter how competent Sara is, she's not Grissom's equal.

Sara: Oh... .How it got there was when you shot your wife in the head, wrapped her in a blanket and left her on the side of a mountain.^ Head there, and you'll be able to have some fun.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: So what happened, the Russian agency denied your application for another wife, or, uh, you lost your taste for white meat?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Dead!
[points her finger in his face]
Scott Shelton: Get that finger out of my face bitch!
[they fight]
Brass: Stop! That's enough! [to Grissom] Get her under control!
Grissom: Get him out of here, Jim!
Scott Shelton: Told you she was a handful.
.Sara: Oh, you don't know a handful!^ SARA: You would know.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You wouldn't know that in my house.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Grissom: Hey, Sara, what's the matter with you?^ You can see it especially in seasons 1 and 2, and especially in the Butterflied episode Sara was brought on as a love interest for Grissom.

^ No matter how competent Sara is, she's not Grissom's equal.

^ I have thoughtfully read through all of the comments posted and the thing that sticks out for me is that it doesn't matter if you love Grissom and Sara or not.

Sara: I am a woman, and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife!

.Grissom: You have empathy for her, Sara.^ You can see it especially in seasons 1 and 2, and especially in the Butterflied episode Sara was brought on as a love interest for Grissom.

^ I have thoughtfully read through all of the comments posted and the thing that sticks out for me is that it doesn't matter if you love Grissom and Sara or not.

^ I don't know what show you have been watching, if you are denying that there was ever something between Grissom and Sara.

You want someone to pay for what was done to her. That's normal.
Sara: You want to sleep with me?
.Grissom: Did you just say what I think you did?^ I think it's stupid to say that while Brass was in the ICU, Grissom was "jumping in the sack with Sara."

^ If you think about it,when moonlighting was on, look how the ratings went thru the roof when they did it.

^ GRISSOM: I think Sara just wrapped a case.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Sara: That way, when I wake up in cold sweat under the blanket, hearing Kaye's screams ... You can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.

Brass: So it took longer for the insects to get in there?
Grissom: And deposit their eggs. Maybe two whole days. I've wrapped porky here pretty tight.

Brass: Wouldn't a rabbit be easier?
Grissom: Gotta be a pig. .Interestingly, they're the most like humans.^ [Roughly] they're unique, like fingerprints.
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Brass: Yeah, I've been saying that since I was a rookie. .You're on your own, pal.^ Your Must-Watch List You're always in the mood for a good belly laugh.
  • Yahoo! TV 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ Enter your name, and you're ready to go.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout.

I-15 Murders [1.11]

Brass: Well if it isn't the boss himself. Where's your E-Street Band?
Grissom: They had another gig.

Grissom: How's your old job?
Jim Brass: I can sling scum all day long. And you?
Grissom: I curse more.

.Grissom: What you do on your time is your buisness, what you do on my time is my buisness.^ Note that every time you ask your partner for a hint, you'll lose points.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: You've been spending too much time with Ecklie.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Grissom: [Referring to a frozen heart] It looks like the planet Krypton.^ GRISSOM: Well, let's see what our other one looks like, shall we?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Catherine: You know how you're always pushing that Holy Trinity stuff?^ You're not telling me you're into this stuff?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Your Must-Watch List You're always in the mood for a good belly laugh.
  • Yahoo! TV 20 September 2009 11:20 UTC tv.yahoo.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ For those who would stop watching because of the drama, you should ask yourselves how much you actually know about the "science of forensics."

Grissom: Father, Son and Holy Ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect and crime scene.
Grissom: Oh, that one.

Grissom: She says she's a friend of yours
Catherine: Ex-girlfriend, Nick?
Nick: Depends, was she the assaulter or the assaultee?
.Sara: You tell us, you like leather or lace?^ He tells you things didn't go as planned, he doesn't like the producer, and he'll allow you to visit his trailer...
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dark Motives Walkthrough - IGN FAQs 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC faqs.ign.com [Source type: General]

Nick: No, I'm not even going there. [later] Lace!

Fahrenheit 932 [1.12]

Jail Inmate: Yo Grissom! [hits the inmate next to him] This guy is the reason I'm in here. A shoe print! .[to Grissom] Yo next time I go barefoot!^ If CSI doesn't sink that ridiculous Grissom/Sara thing next year, they are going to lose more viewers than they can handle losing.

Grissom: Even better, footprints.

Boom [1.13]

Brass: There's been another fourth of July.

.Sara: He's been out of work ever since.^ Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: Sittin' around makin' bombs..

.Catherine: Oh, these fire guys really know how to trash a crime scene.^ But you know, for a guy who's over 40, lonely, tired of the bar scene, got a little cash, wants to buy himself a sweet honey, be his companion ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ She, uh, gave me some sob story about how she was married to some abusive guy, you know, and how, uh ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: Oh, I don't know what I'm thinking.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: That's what they do. Put wet stuff on the red stuff.

.Warrick: *sigh* So what are you guys up to?^ WARRICK: Then why'd you cover it up?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ WARRICK: What, that the guy locks up his food?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Sara: We're off to blow up some bombs
Warrick: Oh i definitely got the wrong end of this case!
Grissom: [Playing off Shakespeare's Hamlet] Alas, poor Warrick!

To Halve and to Hold [1.14]

.Teri Miller: It's kind of like that old saying: 'How a person does one thing is...^ So many things wrong with it if you were numbering you'd be in double digits (One thing though, they did kind of foreshadow it a few weeks ago.

^ Suspending disbelief is one thing and ‘CSI’ does stretch credulity often, but this episode was simply a travesty.

Grissom:... how a person does everything.'

[Grissom is licking rocks to see if they're bones]
Grissom: Could be a piece of wrist bone.
.Catherine: Well, do you want to suck on it?^ CATHERINE: (to Ecklie) Okay, here's what I wanted to show you.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

To be sure?

Sara: [Referring to a victim's vagina] It DOES tell a monologue.

Table Stakes [1.15]

.Catherine: [To Grissom, who is staring in awe at a group of showgirls who pass by] Close your mouth.^ I think people who have a problem with this are the people who hoped that Grissom would end up with Catherine/Sophia/Lady Heather etc.


[Warrick is unhappy about Catherine assigning him to a different case]
Catherine: 419 at The Sphere, glass elevator. You're on it.
Warrick: This is a big case. I'm in a groove here.
Catherine: Well, groove on down to the Strip.
Warrick: Whatever happened to "You cross the tape, you go the distance"?
.Catherine: I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.^ CATHERINE: Greg, she crossed the line with a suspect; she was inappropriate with me and with Ecklie; she needs the time off.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: And when was the last time that you saw Svetlana?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Catherine: You want to take that thing off your head, Greg?^ You take her home, take her to your bed.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: What action are you taking?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ BRASS: Take as long as you want.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

It's evidence.
Greg: Cool your jets, Cath. I already got all the evidence out of it. Now, it's all woman. .Did you ever wear one of these when you were dancing?^ So many things wrong with it if you were numbering you'd be in double digits (One thing though, they did kind of foreshadow it a few weeks ago.

Catherine: I wore nothing but skin.
Greg: Ooh.

Too Tough to Die [1.16]

.Grissom: If you try and chase two rabbits you end up losing them both.^ They told me you dug up two bodies covered in tar?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: Every day we meet people on the worst day of their lives.

.Sara: I wish I were like you, I wish I didn't feel anything.^ SARA: Are you saying that you didn't?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ WARRICK: Find anything you like, buddy?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: Can I get you anything?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Sara: [To Grissom] What type of system rewards the killer, when the victim is too tough to die?

Grissom:What do you do for fun?
Sara:I chase rabbits...

Sara: I don't like anything ... I read crime books and I listen to my scanner.

Eddie: ...By taking our daughter to dinner.
Catherine: Get over here.
Eddie: Come on, what? What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: Watch it, Cath.
Catherine: Sucking up to our daughter 'cause I caught you robbing me.
Eddie: The only thing I ever robbed you of was good sex.
.Catherine: No sex is worth you and you are not taking my daughter to a club with one of your music whores.^ "No one tampers with their sex machine."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ You gotta be careful where you take your shower."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ No affairs; sex with someone other than your spouse is only allowed at the parties.
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Eddie: Oh they are whores? .When I met you, you were taking your clothes off in a strip club.^ You gotta be careful where you take your shower."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

^ You would have had to take a long hot shower, wash your clothes, clip your nails, toss your shoes."
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Catherine: It was a job Ed and it supported you just like every job I had, including this one.
Eddie: And who paid you to close up your nose?

Grissom: Let's go for her.
Grissom: Catherine?
.Catherine: Just keep him out of here.^ I gave [him] credit, he walks out of here in debt.
  • CSI: Las Vegas 12 September 2009 9:26 UTC csi-facts.com [Source type: FILTERED WITH BAYES]

Grissom: [to Eddie] I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand?
Eddie: I always knew you two had a thing.
Grissom: Go home Eddie.
Eddie: Sure.

Face Lift [1.17]

Grissom: I think our robbery suspect just became our homicide victim
.Catherine: Well that's one way to avoid the rap.^ CATHERINE: (scoffs) Yeah, well, good luck on that one.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: I have a question
Teri: Ok?
Grissom: Since I screwed up our last date, would we ever have dinner again?
Teri: Oh we'll have dinner... just not together.

Sara: Interesting voicemail you left me
Warrick: What's that?
Sara: Meet me behind CSI and bring a night gown? I'll wear it for you but uh, I prefer pajamas.

Grissom: I hear that Greg found uranium on the swab from Felton's skull.
Nick: Yeah. .He says I'm okay, but you know Greg.^ You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Tell me, am I radiating a green glow?

$35K O.B.O. [1.18]

Nick: Pulled a couple of hairs off of our male stabbing vic.
Greg: Okay. Baby. Uh-huh.
Nick: What?
Greg: Nine lives.
Nick: Cat hair?
Greg: Meow.

Nick: Hey, Greg.
Greg: Shh. I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg: No, this is serious. I had a date last night. And this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just, BAM. Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent. And she smells so good.
Nick: Cute toes?
Greg: Oh, ideal. And none longer than the big toe. Both feet. But you know I need to know what is on the inside.
Nick: What's in her heart?
Greg: No, her DNA. This girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick: Dude, you're sick. Man, you have officially lost it.
Greg: There's a guy in Louisville, he charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick: Whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee? Letting the relationship evolve. Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg: Oh that's boring.

Grissom: You know what they say about looks.
Brass: They can be deceiving?
Grissom: They can kill.

Grissom: [Looking at beetle found at crime scene.] Can I keep him?

Gentle, Gentle [1.19]

Warrick: I'm all over it like a cheap suit. (edit)

Grissom: Have you let anyone else touch this note? Police, a relative, anyone?
Dad: No, just us. Why?
Grissom: Well, because the person who touched it before you has your son, and he's just left us the first piece of the puzzle.

.Catherine: A guy cheats, but the wife commits murder.^ CATHERINE: If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

How come moms always end up the bad guy with you Freud types?

Brass: Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of divorce?

Sara: You told me a few weeks ago that nothing is personal. No victim should be special. Everyone follows your lead.
Grissom: Everyone didn't find that baby. I did. And that little boy is dead because someone lost their temper or screwed up, or god knows what. So, excuse me, but this victim is special.

[After getting punched in the head by a papprazzi]
Catherine: [Hands him an ice pack] Ice.
Grissom: I don't need this.
Catherine: Just do it.
[Grissom holds the ice pack on his head]

Catherine: You're an average family, burdened with a tragedy that put you under a microscope. That close, nobody can look good.

Sounds of Silence [1.20]

[Grissom walks in with Dr. Gilbert, the female president of the School for the Deaf]
Sara: So that's why Grissom's late.
Warrick: You just don't like other women in his life.
Sara: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

[Grissom wouldn't tell them how he learned sign language]
.Sara: [coming into the room] What was that all about?^ (Sara walks into the locker room.
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Grissom signs?
Warrick: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night?
Sara: He goes out?
Warrick: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy?

Greg: I am the man.
.Warrick: Why, what'd you do?^ WARRICK: Then why'd you cover it up?
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Let me guess, you ran a DNA profile on the blood from the dead guy's knuckles and you got a match?
Greg: No.
Grissom: You ran a DNA profile and something very distinctive popped up?
Greg: Not quite.
.Warrick: You made it out of bed and you dressed yourself?^ WARRICK: She came here in a suitcase, but she was dead on arrival, so you take her out to the desert and bury her in a hole?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Greg: ...no.

Justice is Served [1.21]

[Catherine and Sara have just seized a carnival as evidence and Sara is grinning madly]
Catherine: [annoyed] What?
Sara: Well, this is fun.
Catherine: As opposed to...?
Sara: A more scientific approach.

Dr. Hillridge: [to Grissom] I guess one man's corpse is another man's candy. Care for a sip? Full of folacin.

Dr. Hillridge: You want an empirical experience...I've got a fresh one [protein powder shake made from human organs] in my fridge.
[Grissom looks away. An officer leads Dr. Hillridge away]
Officer: She is nuts, right?
Grissom: She's a cold blooded killer.

Evaluation Day [1.22]

Grissom: [Looking at detached head] It means 6 - 8 hours ago someone lost their head and then... someone lost their head.

Warrick: [Sitting in a rollercoaster seat] Whatever happened to my evaluation?
.Grissom: You're sitting in it!^ GRISSOM: I want to know why you're so angry.
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[Grissom and Catherine are examining a head]
.Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this?^ You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: You've been spending too much time with Ecklie.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ I mean, you think you've got it all worked out.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Catherine: I could.
[Grissom glances at her, then back to the head]
Grissom: Scared of you...

The Strip Strangler [1.23]

.Grissom: The last time a security guard tried to help me, he ended up dead.^ Svetlana ended up dead.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Grissom: Repeat after me, Silk silk silk.
Nick: Silk silk silk.
Grissom: Now what do cows drink?
Nick: Milk.
Grissom: They drink water. They produce milk.

Nick: Catherine. say, "Silk silk silk"
Catherine: Silk silk silk.
Nick: Now what do cows drink?
Catherine: Water.
Nick: Never mind.

.Catherine: Never doubt and never look back.^ Catherine looks back.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

That's how I live my life.
Grissom: I admire that.

Season 2

Burked [2.1]

Warrick: Black tar heroin. This is the difference between a Cadillac and a Pinto.
Brass: How would you know?
Warrick: It's my job. I count at least six balloons, and that's just in the bedroom. The dealer must have come down the chimney. It's like Christmas in July here. Not that Braun even needed any more drugs.
Brass: Yeah, looks like the guy had a pill for everything. Can you get a print off those balloons?
Warrick: I can get a print off the air.

Janine Haywood: I told you I dropped them down the bathroom sink.
Brass: First time I heard that.
Janine Haywood: Look, I took two, gave Tony two and I accidentally dropped fifteen or twenty down the sink. It was an accident. You know, an accident? Haven't you ever spilled a drink?
Catherine: Not lately. We found fifty Xanax in Tony's stomach.
Janine Haywood: Don't pin that on me. I'd left.
.Catherine: I'll tell you what you left -- your fingerprints all over the prescription bottle.^ CATHERINE: So, you can't sell your kids, but you can buy their mother.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Janine Haywood: I went to the pharmacy waited in line picked up the prescription signed for it brought it back to the house. .You know, Tony did nothing for himself except work and get high.^ But you know, for a guy who's over 40, lonely, tired of the bar scene, got a little cash, wants to buy himself a sweet honey, be his companion ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Brass: Got you a brand-new Mercedes, didn't it?
Janine Haywood: Yes, it did. And it'll buy me the dress I wear at Tony's funeral, too.
.Brass: Look, when you left your half a house where did you go?^ Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket.
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^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Janine Haywood: A friend's.
Brass: Well, let's get her on the line.
Janine Haywood: She's out of town.
Brass: Let me guess -- she's incommunicado.
Janine Haywood: That means you can't reach her? Yeah.

Grissom: In the last 48 hours have you been anywhere else besides those two places?
Walt Braun: No. My life's pretty routine.
Grissom: It might just get a little more routine.

Catherine: [to Grissom] Is this part of the Sherlock Holmes Fan Club Kit?

Grissom: It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When is this thing going to be done?
Greg: Well, with all due respect sir, it's not a baked potato. Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?
Grissom: Is this going to be a short story or a novel?
[The mass spectrometer beeps and gives out the test results]
Greg: Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.
Grissom: What's the 6-MAM count?
Greg: A hundred fifty-eight nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around Times Square with more drugs in their system.
Grissom: So Braun should still be walking around.
[Grissom turns to leave but stops]
Grissom: ...and the point of your New York story was...?
.Greg: Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin..^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ SARA: You seem to care a lot about the way things look, Mr. Melton.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ You're not going to just destroy this skull and split.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

a suppository up the coolee. .You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity...forget it!^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Greg: Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.
Nick: Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.
Greg: Worked, didn't it?

.Sam Braun: I remember the first time I saw you.^ CATHERINE: And when was the last time that you saw Svetlana?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

You didn't have any clothes on.
.Catherine: Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.^ CATHERINE: (scoffs) Yeah, well, good luck on that one.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Sam Braun: I would've taken you home right then if I could have.^ You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

.Catherine: I know, but you were married and I was a baby.^ She, uh, gave me some sob story about how she was married to some abusive guy, you know, and how, uh ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: (sighs) You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: You know ...
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

It would've never worked!

Catherine: Who is this?
Brass: It's Braun's squeeze. She's an ex-stripper too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Brass: Uh, let's see. [he pulls out his notebook] Quote: "Out." Endquote.

Brass: [to a suspect] Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.

Grissom: Would you mind if I took a picture for my bite collection?
Walt Braun: Whatever rubs your Buddha.

Grissom: Did you try this coffee?
Nick: Mm-mm.
Grissom: The last cup I had tasted like motor oil.
[Greg runs in]
Greg: Oh, don't touch it. That's my pot!
Grissom: Your pot?
.Greg: Yeah, you know, from my own private stash.^ SARA: You wouldn't know that in my house.
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Blue Hawaiian -- $40 a pound. Only grown a couple times a year on the Big Island hand-picked to perfection.
Grissom: Good. You're using my water so I guess that makes it community coffee.

Chaos Theory [2.2]

Greg: Well, this is one way to get her DNA. Bring me her whole life.
Sara: It's called zeal, Greg.
Greg: Or overkill.
Grissom: It's called protocol. Let's get on with it.

Grissom: Friedrich Miescher requests my presence?
Greg: Figured out my code huh? Well you know my boy, Freddie, discovered DNA.
Grissom: He's been dead a hundred years, Greg.

Henry McFadden: Paige and I dated once or twice. She wasn't my type. If you haven't noticed... I'm in the system now. The talent pool's pretty deep.
Nick: She dumped you!

Grissom: We told them what happened.
Catherine: Yeah. But we didn't give them what they needed... closure.
Grissom: Truth brings closure.
Catherine: Not always.

Catherine: No one can predict more than a few seconds into the future.
.Nick: I predict I'll still be standing here one minute from now.^ NICK: It'll never stand up, Rick.
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Warrick: Where are we going with this?
Grissom: Paige was in her dorm room and then ended up in the dumpster. Somewhere between her dorm room and the dumpster is our answer. That's where we're going. Coming, Nick?
Warrick: [to Nick] Nice try, Nostradamus.

Warrick: Where you been?
Grissom: I can't be everywhere, Warrick and they've banned human cloning.

Grissom: [To Greg] Are we paying you by the word?

Grissom: You showered.
Catherine: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.
Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Catherine's view]) Yeah? Well ... I can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
Catherine: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.

Nick: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Sara: Five Hundred Dollars. That's huge money at her age if you actually get it. That's a big college racket, like buying books back.
.Grissom: Why would anyone want to sell their books?^ GRISSOM: I want to know why you're so angry.
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Grissom: People don't vanish, Jim. It's a molecular impossibility.

Overload [2.3]

Grissom: Man versus Gravity. Man lost.

Grissom: Suicide, huh? I don't know, Brian. .On the day you decide to end your life, why would you go to work?^ Why would you do that?
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^ SARA: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Sheriff: What happened to good old dusting for prints?
Grissom: When your crime scene is 12 stories up I don't want to take any chances.

Catherine: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.
Greg: Your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.

Grissom: Hey, is that from the deli?
Sara: Egg salad sandwich. You want half?
Grissom: No. Can I have your pickle?
Sara: You can have it.
Grissom: Oh, that's a nice one.

.Grissom: [after he lights up the pickle] You know this is how I cooked my hot dogs in college.^ SARA: You wouldn't know that in my house.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ GRISSOM: I want to know why you're so angry.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


.Sara: You turned my pickle into a lightbulb!^ SARA: You wouldn't know that in my house.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]


Sara: We quit before we should have.
Grissom: Yeah, you did.

Greg: FYI, 30 swabs in six hours is not realistic even for me.

.Catherine: You're racing me Nick.^ NICK: He needs a translator, 'cause you're not even speaking the same language.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ CATHERINE: Nick, did you get that last soil sample?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

^ NICK: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place.
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

We're driving the same car.

Sheriff: Actions have consequences, Gil, even yours.

Warrick: [To Grissom] So you just proved murder.
Greg: I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumb print from the nail.

Catherine: What's the matter with you?
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right...

Warrick: You want his blood?
Grissom: One pint. To go.

Greg: I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. I'd love to stay and chat...
Grissom: Greg, that better not be the crossword puzzle.

Greg: Cheese, milk, sweaters. What do these things have in common?
Catherine: Goat cheese, goat milk.
Nick: Goat sweaters?
Catherine: Angora.
Greg: Ding, ding, ding.

.Sheriff: [about Grissom talking to Brass] What was that about?^ GRISSOM: You wanted to talk to me about Sara?
  • http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/csi/season5/csi-513.txt 11 October 2009 9:58 UTC www.twiztv.com [Source type: General]

Grissom: Ah, we're in a bowling league together.

Warrick: Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything?
Grissom: Yeah, especially if you bet against me.

Warrick: Bobby Dawson's taking odds. 2:1 Grissom's wrong, 5:1 he gets suspended for shutting down the jail house, 10:...
Sara: Fired?

Grissom: [To the Sheriff] You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor.

Bully for You [2.4]

Brass: Who said the shooter was scared?
Grissom: Shot him in the back.
Brass: With his zipper down and his hands otherwise engaged.
Grissom: Yeah. We're looking for a coward.

Greg: You smell like death.
Sara: I've heard.
Greg: You know ... a real man wouldn't mind.

Warrick: Hey Sara what were you in high school?
Sara: Science Nerd.
Nick: You changed, you still smell.

Scuba Doobie-Doo [2.5]

Sara:: What's your pulse at now?
Catherine: Hey, I just talked to your partner. Working this case without me, huh?
Nick: Hmm?
Catherine: Greg Sanders?
Nick: Leggo my Greggo. He's a CSI wannabe. Please.

Alter Boys [2.6]

David: I hate when you CSI guys get territorial.
Catherine: Yeah well the victim's family hate it when we don't.

Grissom: We both have jobs that begin after the crime.
Father Powell: After the sin.
Grissom: Some people would call that a career in futility.
Father Powell: Some people call it a vocation.

Father Powell: You don't believe?
Grissom: In religion. I believe in God, in science, in Sunday supper. I don't believe in rules that tell me how I should live.
Father Powell: Even if they're handed down by God?
Grissom: How many crusades were fought in the name of God? How many people died because of someone's religion?
Father Powell: Fanaticism, not religion.
Grissom: Semantics. They're still dead.

Father Powell: He needs spiritual guidance.
[Grissom looks at the suspect, then looks at the dead body]
Grissom: Yeah, I imagine he does.
Father Powell: Ah. Then you'd have no problem with my talking to him.
Grissom: It's the 11th hour. I wouldn't expect anything less.
Father Powell: Eleventh hour?
Grissom: When the reality of their actions sets in, they usually turn to religion.
Father Powell: Can you think of a better time?

Caged [2.7]

Greg: Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, A and B.
Nick: Very impressive.
Greg: And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine.

Grissom: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Kind of sounds like you.

Greg: Can I help it if I'm hip?

Dr. Robbins: I love this table.

[Sara is holding a dog she found at the crime scene]
Brass: That's not yours, is it?
Sara: I'm collecting evidence.

[Greg opens cupboard door and pulls book out]
Nick: Always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg: I move it around.

Slaves of Las Vegas [2.8]

Sara: We want to know if you saw anything unusual last night?
Guy Handing Out Fliers: Unusual? I don't know what city you live in, but in Las Vegas "unusual" is what happens when you leave the house.

Lady Heather: It's just about knowing yourself, being strong and not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.

Lady Heather: I can read anyone who walks through this door and know their desires. Sometimes even before they do.

Grissom: I'm that obvious, huh?
Lady Heather: Only because you try not to be.

Catherine: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
Grissom: We do?
Catherine: When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
Catherine: You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
Grissom: Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine......
[screen fades to black]

And Then There Were None [2.9]

Grissom: Dressed as a woman among men dressed as women. Now, see? That's a disguise.

Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla?"
Brass: That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it.

Catherine: Fluorescent powders?
Sara: Ye, why not, they're in the kit.
Catherine: Protocol's black.
Sara: Since when do you care about my choice of powders?
Catherine: Assistant coroner is four hours late and we are stuck out here until he transports the body and I haven't even heard from Grissom.
Sara: You know I've never tried green.
Catherine: I should never have been sent to this remote scene in the first place I've got seniority, I deserve no, I've earned the right to pick my cases.
[Sara hands her a candy bar]
Catherine: If I start eating I will shut up.
Sara: Do you have a mirror?
Catherine: Since when do you care about your appearance?... I mean at a crime scene.
Sara: It's not for me.

Ellie [2.10]

Grissom: Whoa. Careful. Livestock. [Holds up his jar of roaches] Hissing roaches from Madagascar.
Catherine: Sorry.
Grissom: These babies run two and a half miles an hour.
Catherine: I don't doubt that for a minute.
Grissom: Fifth annual entomological convention in Duluth. Cockroach racing finals.
[Grissom pushes the door to his office open and walks in. Catherine follows]
Catherine: You're roach racing.
Grissom: Actually, I'm giving a tutorial on preserving mass crime scenes. The sideshow is racing this guys.
Catherine: Ah.
Grissom: I mean, to have a chance to run against legendary roaches like Cocky Balboa, The Drain Lover, Priscilla, Queen of the Gutters. It's huge.
Catherine: What do you feed those guys?
Grissom: Dog food.
Catherine: And who's...supervising night shift?
Grissom: You are.
Catherine: Me? I am on the red-eye to Reno. The Braun Family is opening a new casino. I am Sam's date.
Grissom: That's tonight?
Catherine: I told you once, memo'd you twice. [she sighs. Grissom is distracted by the roaches in the container]
Grissom: Man, these guys are primed.
Catherine: [leaving]: Better get somebody.

Warrick: The job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities.
Grissom: I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
Warrick: Is that Einstein?
Grissom: Linus.
Warrick: Charlie Brown. Figures.

Organ Grinder [2.11]

Sara: The average American hotel room is covered with stains invisible to the naked eye.
Grissom: Yeah, but they're not all biological. Some are soda stains, food stains, whiskey stains, you know.
Sara: No matter how clean or expensive the room seems that why always travel with nonoxinol nine.
Grissom: You sound like you're making a commercial.

You've Got Male [2.12]

Nick: Sara?
Sara: Yeah?
Nick: You've got to get out more. (Turns and walks away)
Sara: (Shocked, she walks back down the hallway.)

Identity Crisis [2.13]

[Nick is examining a car]
Greg: Is this the car the guy was killed in?
[Nick is clearly startled]
Nick: He was killed in the warehouse. And don't sneak up on a person like that!
Greg: Now you know how I feel, like ten times a day.

The Finger [2.14]

Grissom: Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.
Catherine: Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.
Nick: Now he really has a problem.
Warrick: Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.
Sara: You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.
Grissom: Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?
Catherine: Everything from that point on was calculated.
Grissom: Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...
Catherine: ...driving recklessly.
Warrick: He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.
Catherine: You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.
Grissom: Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.
Nick: Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?
Grissom: Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.
Sara: If not by the police, by his wife.
Warrick: So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.
Catherine: Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.
Sara: Why though? The money was in a suitcase.
Warrick: A million dollars. Pretty tempting.
Grissom: I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.
Sara: How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?
Warrick: He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.
Nick: Besides, there's always fingerprints.
Catherine: So I did everything in my power to help him.

Burden of Proof [2.15]

[A bug crawls out of the man's shirt]
Catherine: Oh look, one of your friends.
Grissom: It's a carpet beetle, it shouldn't be here.
Catherine: Vic seem more like a hard-wood floor kinda guy to you?

[Sara and Cath are in the hallway walking into the breakroom]
Sara: Wow, you got to go to the body farm?
Catherine: Yeah.
Sara: I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?
Catherine: Quiet.
[Now in the breakroom]
Warrick: I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.
Nick: [Walking over to the fridge] Why does that not surprise me? [He opens the fridge and sighs] Man, something stinks in here again. [He grabs his lunch out of the fridge]
Sara: What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?
Nick: Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. [He hands her his sandwich, she reacts to the smell. She then kneels down to look in the fridge and sees a container on the top shelf]
Sara: Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.
Nick: You're kidding me?
Catherine Blood or bugs?
Sara: It's not bugs.
Warrick: Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.
Nick: Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.
Grissom: [Walking in]: Talk to me about what?
Nick: You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.
Grissom: Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.
Nick: Well...
Grissom: I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. [Nick looks annoyed. Catherine takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. Grissom is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it] Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? [Catherine catches a smell of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. Sara is quiet]
Nick: [sits down still annoyed at being ignored] That blood is rank, man.
Grissom I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date. [Grissom puts it back in the fridge and talks to Catherine about the case a little then leaves]
Warrick: Way to go, Nick. You really told him.
Nick: I told him...he just didn't hear it.

Primum Non Nocere [2.16]

Catherine: Pucks, bucks and... chicks.

Sara: Since when are you interested in beauty?
Grissom: Since I met you.

Gil Grissom: There are three things in life people like to stare at - a rippling stream, a fire in a fireplace, and a zamboni going round and round.
Sara: Charlie Brown. I love a zamboni.
Gil Grissom: We all do.

Grissom: What is Victoria's secret, I wonder?
Sara: Beauty, Grissom, remember?

Felonius Monk [2.17]

Nick: How do you get one vic, let alone four... To sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes.
Grissom: They were praying.
Nick: Yeah, for mercy.
Grissom: For whoever was shooting them.

Nick: Guy in the robe flagged down an officer.
Grissom: Guy in the robe is a monk, Nick.
Nick: Yeah. Well. [Nick looks at the monk for several seconds then turns back to Grissom] He's a quiet monk.

Grissom: Wherever you live is your temple. If you treat it like one.
Sara: State your source.
Grissom: Buddha.

Chasing the Bus [2.18]

Grissom: We need a treadmill, a big one.
Nick: All right, to do what?
Grissom: To exercise a bus.

Stalker [2.19]

[Nick walks into the break room after pulling down a departmental newsletter from a bulletin board entitled "CRIME STOPPER" with an article about him]
Sara: [laughing]
Warrick: Who wrote this?
Nick: You're kidding me, right?
Warrick: [dramatic voice] Nick Stokes, crime stopper! [Warrick and Sara laugh] You went Hollywood on me man!
Sara: And I quote, 'In his off time, he enjoys creating and inventing toys.' That's...facinating...what kind of toys do you make Nick?
Nick: I thought I got my hands on all those departmental newsletters. Where'd you get those?
Sara and Warrick: [simultaneously ] Greg.
Nick: [pause] Yeah, that figures.

Psychic Detective: [talking to Nick after seeing a vision involving him and his home] Green tea! Green tea....does that mean anything to you? Green tea?

Nigel: [after being taken in] I am one, who am I? I am one, who am I?

Cats in the Cradle [2.20]

Nick: Hey.
Sara: Hey!
Nick: Wow. You look...
Sara: Happy?
Nick: Smug. Actually.

Sara: How is that possible? The mechanic saw the bomb.
Nick: X-ray vision?

Nick: Hmm... hello, sweetheart.
Sara: End cap.
Nick: Pipe bomb.

Anatomy of a Lye [2.21]

Greg: Your vehicle was painted Sarasota Silver. Also, only available on the S-Series '99 models. I checked with the Mercedes State Rep. Five were sold in Nevada. Sara's tracking down the owners.
Grissom: You've, uh, already shared this information with Sara?
Greg: Yeah, an hour ago. And she was way more fascinated than you are.
Grissom: Well, I'm somewhat fascinated by the fact that I'm your boss, but you talked to her first.
Greg: Well, you were at dinner.
Grissom: I've been in the lab all day, Greg.

Cross-Jurisdictions [2.22]

[Nick and Sara are dusting a champagne bottle]
Sara: Hey Nick, have you ever been to a swingers party?
Nick: Well, if it's the same thing as a frat party yeah, lots of them. You know, you get enough booze going things can get pretty wild.
Sara: Frat party, huh? Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.

The Hunger Artist [2.23]

Dr. Robbins: Educated guess: Beautification. She was injected with pig botulism. Botox ... the ultimate wrinkle cream.
Grissom: How did it get into her bloodstream?
Dr. Robbins: Bad doctor. Missed the muscle. Shot directly into her supratrochlear vein.
Grissom: Amazing the advances we make in science and the primitive uses we find for them.

Warrick: Looks like gink work. It's the kind of thing speed freaks do when they've been up for 10 days straight...and they've already taken apart the radio.

Season 3

Revenge Is Best Served Cold [3.01]

Nick: I wired the target to the car's alarm system. Gotta make sure we hear it.
Catherine: Always thinking there, Nicky, aren't ya?
[They get into their cars and buckle up]
Nick: Okay, remember full out the fifth then hit the nitrous and hang on.
Catherine: You just try to keep up.

The Accused Is Entitled [3.02]

Greg: Psst, Grissom. [whispering] We got a development. I went over those swatches that Sara gave me from the bed sheet.
Grissom: Are you whispering?
Greg: I don't want that Gerard guy to hear me.
Grissom: Well, he's not here, so stop it.

Let the Seller Beware [3.03]

Grissom: Greg!
Greg: Yeah.
Grissom: Take off your shoes and socks.
Greg: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not too sure I can hang with that - even if you are my boss.
Grissom: Your mother's maiden name was Hojem? Hojem is Norwegian, right?
Greg: That's right and you know my grandfather was tossed from Norway for getting my grandmother pregnant before they got married. To this day he still tells me, "Som man reder sa ligger man". [long pause] One must lie in the bed one has made.
Grissom: That's true. Right foot first, please.
Greg: Are you sure you want me to do this? Things could get loud in here!

Greg: [Greg limps into Grissom's office wearing only socks] What did you do to me?
Grissom: You had a reaction.
Greg: I'm Hazmat meat. Quarantine, here I come. [Greg pulls off the socks and puts both his feet up on Grissom's desk. Grissom examines Greg's right foot.]
Grissom: Your right foot, I swabbed with a placebo, regular tap water.
Greg: Yeah, well, I'm not worried about the right foot.
Grissom: Left foot...eumycotic dermatitis.
Greg: Oh, great. It's probably fatal.
Grissom: It's a mildew-induced skin rash.
Greg: [stares at Grissom] You infected me with mildew?
Grissom: Here. Hydrocortisone. Follow the directions, clear it right up.

A Little Murder [3.04]

Warrick: Cath? You all right? Don't let him get to you like that.
Catherine: I was scared...and I still am. [Warrick puts his arms around Catherine] Don't tell anyone, okay?

Abra Cadaver [3.05]

Archie: Is that who I think it is?
Grissom: Who?
Archie: Toby Arcane. "Freak man".
Grissom: What makes him a "freak" besides that shirt?
Archie: All I can say he's not for the faint of heart.

The Execution of Catherine Willows [3.06]

Greg: Hey, I hear you're cheating on me with an out-of-state DNA analyst.
Catherine: Apples and oranges, Greg. Fifteen-year-old hair samples no roots, room-temperature storage.
Greg: Room temp?
Catherine: Yeah, that's how we stored hair evidence back then. Microscopy was king.
Greg: Really? I thought Elvis was king.
Catherine: And you are how old?
Greg: Age is irrelevant in our relationship.
Catherine: Maybe so, but face it, Greg you just don't have the equipment.

Fight Night [3.07]

Warrick: There was this one case where a boxer put lead shot in his gloves to increase his punching power. And also ancient greek limapulists used a glove weighted with metal, called a "cestus."
Grissom: You making a classical reference?
Warrick: Yeah. I thought you'd like that.

Grissom: I guess clothes do make "The Man."
Catherine: In this case, "The Man" makes the clothes... and produces the music... and represents the athletes... when he's not involved in street shootings, of course.
Grissom: And when you asked him what he was wearing the night of the murder, he couldn't remember?
Catherine: As far as he's concerned murder is just another way to separate himself from the Calvins and Ralphs of the world.
Grissom: Calvin and Ralph?
Catherine: Klein and Lauren. Fashion.
Grissom: Oh. Well, for most CSIs, fashion is irrelevant.
Catherine: Speak for yourself. The only thing between me and a wardrobe like this is a few extra zeros on my paycheck.

Snuff [3.08]

Grissom: By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.

Film Processor: I've processed hundreds of bogus snuff films. But this, this one just felt different.
Catherine: Yeah, it should. arterial spray was real.
Grissom: It's not fake blood. It's human. That was a murder... on 16 millimeter.

[talking to the terminally ill suspect]
Catherine: You killed her.
Sara: I guess she killed you back.

Blood Lust [3.09]

Grissom: Okay, Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Robbins: Okay. In fourth grade, I dropped out of karate class because a kid half my size made me cry.
Grissom: About the body.

Sara: You know you pulled me away from a forensic anthropology seminar, right? It's required. It's part of the continuing education program.
Grissom: Well, I'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today. I have a teenager who was run over by a taxi. He wasn't hit by it; that's not what killed him. He was stabbed, fatally. For now, I have no ID, no suspects and no primary crime scene. I need you.

Grissom: How would you like to be part of an experiment?
Judy: I- I'm a secretary, besides, I heard what you did to Greg's feet.
Grissom: You'll keep your shoes on, I swear.

Thug: [After Brass is questioning them for beating a taxi driver who was supposedly fleeing a crime scene] If we were wearing badges, you guys would be giving us medals.
Brass: If you guys are wearing badges, I'm playing left wing in the NHL.

High and Low [3.10]

Catherine: Hey, Greggy, any luck on those blood and hair samples?
Greg: Don't insult me. Luck is for those without skill.
Catherine: Spoken like a man who's never hit the jackpot.
Greg: Sad, but true.

Recipe for Murder [3.11]

[Looking at the meat grinder the arm is caught in]
Grissom: We're gonna have to dismantle this piece by piece.
Catherine: Yeah.
Grissom: I'll get a foreman.
Catherine: I think I can handle this.
Grissom: You know about meat grinders?
Catherine: Well, everything's pretty much plumbing. Male into female parts. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
[Grissom just looks at her as she starts to take it apart]

Got Murder? [3.12]

[after Dr. Robbins has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on]
Dr. Robbins: Alright David, take two.

Sara: She's a virgin?! So what are we talking here immaculate conception?

Random Acts of Violence [3.13]

Detective Vega: You don't just spontaneously develop a fatal head wound.

Warrick: This guy has been in Mat's house.
Grissom: What is this?
Warrick: Mat's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jacobs' car. Look at this.
Grissom: If this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and cataloged.
Warrick: This is the same guy who shot Mat's daughter in the head and he's walking around laughing at us.
Grissom: Can you prove that?
Warrick: What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters it's like that you're holding me back here.
Grissom: Your job, Warrick, is to process the evidence.Objectively and without prejudice.
Warrick: I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you, I'm not a robot, ok? I, actually, care about this people.
Grissom: Y'know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I have another assignment for you tomorrow.
Warrick: Keep it.

Grissom: Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Greg: The world may never know.
Warrick: Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?
Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.

One Hit Wonder [3.14]

Grissom: Even the greatest intentions are filled with disappointment.

Nick: The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky

[Sara gives Bobby the bullet from her friend to process]
Bobby: Hang on a second. [smiling] You get approval from Grissom, I don't want him walking in on me.
Sara: [nodding] Yeah.
Bobby: Sara Sidle.
Sara: [smiling] Yeah, I did!
Bobby: All right. Just checking!

Lady Heather's Box [3.15]

Grissom: May we come in?
Lady Heather: Say the magic word...
Brass: Warrant.

Brass: We are going back to Lady Heather's.
Grissom: I can take care of this myself.
Brass: Gil, do me a favor. Get a sport car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.

Lady Heather: Unfortunately the language we speak in here doesn't necessarily translate to the world out there.
Grissom: No, in here, the submissive has the power... all he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.
Lady Heather: Very good, Mr. Grissom.
Grissom: I'm just repeating what I've heard.
Lady Heather: You're a good listener.
Grissom: Part of the job.
Lady Heather: So, this is work?
Grissom: Yes, but I value your insight.
Lady Heather: I'm flattered...but you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away [She moves closer to him] and when I'm close you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?
Grissom: I'm losing my balance.
Lady Heather: Your sense of self?
Grissom: No, I know who I am.
Lady Heather: Do you?
Grissom: Yes... I do. [He touches one side of her cheek with one hand then the other with his other hand] You can always say "stop".
Lady Heather: So can you.
[Screen fades, then the next scene of them is in the morning at Lady Heather's house, having tea]

Lucky Strike [3.16]

Detective Cyrus: Death: the cheapest show in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah. it doesn't suprise me. Remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Detective Cyrus: Only in Vegas.

Nick: Feces?
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep. (Nick looks up with pained expression)
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: [laughs] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat 'guano'.

Crash and Burn [3.17]

Greg: Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.
Sara: I believe it's my case.
Greg: Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
Sara: You're crowding me, Greg.
Greg: Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.

Sara: Diane Lambart lived two hours away. If she drove into Vegas with the intention of using it as a murder weapon. I'd imagine she'd be pretty stressed.
Dr. Robbins: Kamikaze Grandma.

Precious Metal [3.18]

Grissom: So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg: Weird, ha?
Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches.

Grissom: What happened to your enthuasism, Greg?
Greg: Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Grissom: Out there... means a pay cut.
Greg: It's not about the money.
Grissom: That's good to know.

Doorman: Sorry, 5 dollars to get in.
Brass: [Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.

A Night At The Movies [3.19]

Sara: What do you think caused these marks?
Hodges: Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.
Sara: Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.
Hodges: I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?
Sara: No.

Catherine: Hi. What'd I miss?
Grissom: Murder, seduction, deceit — the usual.
Catherine: Mm. This one of your favorites?
Grissom: Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Catherine: Okay. Well, what do you like?
Grissom: I like silent movies.

Last Laugh [3.20]

Brass: I'm chasing something that Gil Grissom isn't interested in ... a hunch.

Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this?
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.

Catherine: Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.
Greg: To the max.

Catherine: It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.
Grissom: Cite your source.

Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Catherine: Ba-dum-bum
Brass: I'll be here all week.

Catherine: We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...

Catherine: What do you see?
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.

Forever [3.21]

Catherine: I'm gonna find out what Rone's mothers maiden name is.
Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it?
Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring.

Play with Fire [3.22]

Archie: Nevada State Correctional Facility. Pretty casual for a prison.
Grissom: It's medium-security...
Nick: ...for nicer criminals.
Archie: (laughing): Right.

Sara: You got a minute?
Grissom: I was just leaving.
Sara: Yeah, the schedule says you're off tonight.
Grissom: I am.
Sara: Me too.
Grissom: You should be on paid leave.
Sara: I'm fine.
Grissom: You were fortunate and I'm not talking about the explosion.
Sara: You, uh, you talked to Brass.
Grissom: And Nick.
Sara: We got the guy.
Grissom: Is that all you have to say?
Sara: Would you like to have dinner with me?
Grissom: No.
Sara: Why not? Let's... let's have dinner... let's see what happens.
Grissom: Sara... I don't know what to do about this.
Sara: I do... you know by the time you figure it out, it really could be too late.

Inside the Box [3.23]

Grissom: Albert. Got a minute?
Doc Robbins: Sure. What's up?
Grissom: I'd like a second opinion.
[Next shot of them is after he checked Grissom's ear]
Doc Robbins: I wish you had come to me sooner. The condition is pretty far along. Why'd you wait?
Grissom: [sighs] I hoped it would go away.
Doc Robbins: Doesn't your mother have this condition?
Grissom: Yeah. It's hereditary. I know I wasn't rational.
Doc Robbins: Look, Gil. I'm not gonna preach to you, you came to me. But Doctor to Doctor there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear. In which case your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible.

Grissom: I'm not going with you.
Catherine: What do you mean?
Grissom: I'm scheduled for surgery at Desert Palm.
Catherine:: Surgery? [She walks over to him] Your hearing?
Grissom: [nods] Yep.
Catherine: I'm sorry.
Grissom: I'm not. Has to be done.
Catherine: What can I do?
Grissom: Nothin', I'm fine. Take care of the case.
Catherine: Wha--ah, that's it?
Grissom: That's it. Um... good luck.

Season 4

Assume Nothing [4.01]

[Nick sees Grissom examining the Magic Fingers]
Nick: Haven't you ever seen one of those before?
Grissom: Not in person, no.
Nick: Magic Fingers. Twenty-five cents for 15 minutes of vibration. Died a slow death in the '70s due to vandalism and seedy connotations. Good for sex. Good for sleep ... too.
Grissom: Good for us. Given the killer's appetite for sexual persuasion, maybe they blew the circuit. Overloaded it with coins.
Nick: And their prints on those coins.

All for Our Country [4.02]

Grissom: Linens and towels from The Sphere on top of the washing machine, and what I believe to be sheets from the motel inside the dryer. Both positive presumptive for blood.
Nick: Think they were being smart taking the sheets, or did they just get off sleeping on 'em?
Warrick: Either way, they were sick and dangerous.
Grissom: What does that say about whoever killed them?

Catherine: Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.
Sara: Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.
Catherine: Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?
Sara: Oh, nah, not Grissom.
[Catherine and Sara walk into the house. Water is pouring down, almost like it's raining, from the second story and the two police officers on scene are using umbrellas]
Catherine: What the hell is this?
Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]
Sara: Thank you, thanks!
Catherine: Where's the body?
Officer: Upstairs.
Sara: Upstairs?
Officer: Yeah.
[long pause]
Catherine: It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara: Hallelujah?
[One of the officers dashes over to give them two pairs of boots]
Officer: You might want to wear these.
Sara: Thank you.

Fromansky: Someday, you're going to need me or my buddies at a scene... and wouldn't you know it, we all hit traffic on the way.
Grissom: Is that how you do your job, officer?
Fromansky: Have a safe night.

Greg: So I ran the blood you found on the gun through CODIS... on my own time... of which I have precious little...
Grissom: Greg, why do you always trail off like that?
Greg: Because you make me nervous.

Sara: So who's the punk now... bitch?

Homebodies [4.03]

Grissom: Sun Tzu once said "“If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by." [opens the door to find a mummified body] But those were brutal times.

Feeling the Heat [4.04]

Archie: You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep, quick and painless.
Warrick: I like surprises.

Sara: Girl's out at the lake. She meets some random guy she knows nothing about and she goes off with him.
Hodges: She places herself in a bad situation.
Sara: And bad things happen.

Archie: Whoa-ho!
Warrick: What you got?
Archie: Ultimate power. I could program this bad boy to make me a cup of coffee.

Fur and Loathing [4.05]

Brass: Well, the rancher's going to get off, Linda's dead, and Wolfie... skates with a misdemeanor.
Catherine: We took one look at those furry suits and thought "foul play," but this was really just a domestic dispute gone mad.
Grissom: Fur and loathing in Las Vegas.

Catherine: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel!

[After finding civet oil and ipecac on the blue cat suit]
Greg:That's what you get when you eat...

Jackpot [4.06]

Lt. Brooks: You don't keep any secrets, Mr. Grissom? Not even from your wife?
Grissom: [amused] I used to. I'm trying to change.

Invisible Evidence [4.07]

Hodges: Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?
Warrick: Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. Again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.

[Warrick is in the bathroom splashing water on his face. Catherine walks in]
Catherine: Hey you!
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: How're you holding up?
Warrick: I'm fine.
Catherine: You sure?
Warrick: Yeah.
Catherine: You're in the women's bathroom.

Sara: Pin me down.

After the Show [4.08]

Greg: I understand why all these cadets are here. They have to be. But what's up with all these off-duty cops?
Catherine: Chance to be a hero. Girl's beautiful. These guys don't get many chances.
Greg: For what?
Catherine: To rescue a princess.

Grissom Versus the Volcano [4.09]

Grissom: Here comes the press. You're on. I wish I could help but I got a vehicle to process.
Sheriff Atwater: C'mon, Grissom. Bomb goes off and everyone thinks it's a hit. What do you think?
Grissom: I'm not thinkin'. I'm lookin'.
Sheriff Atwater: That's good. Can I use that?

Coming of Rage [4.10]

Construction Worker: Trade you a hammer for a screw.
Sara: Name please.
Construction worker: Tell you mine, you tell me yours. Uh, come on baby, stuck with these ugly fools all day, pretty girl comes by, just having a little fun.
Sara: Yeah, a murder always makes me feel a little randy too.

Sara: You're not a victim, you were a lure. Do you know how many people don't report a rape because they're afraid that no one will believe them?
Ashley: Of course. That's what I was counting on.
Sara: I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you're tried as an adult.
Ashley: Good luck. I dress up real nice. Couple barretts, little lace collar, two dead parents. I'll be the saddest little girl in the world.

Sara: Clothing, $85. Earrings, $30. Latte, $4. Getting away with murder...
Grissom: Priceless.

Eleven Angry Jurors [4.11]

Greg: No she didn't.
Sara: Greg, she told Warrick she put peanut butter in the chili.
Greg: I don't care if Mr. Peanut was taking a bath in the vic's lunch. It's not what killed him.

Butterflied [4.12]

[The doctor/suspect is leaving the room]
Grissom: Sad, isn't it doc? Guys like us, couple of middle aged men who have allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we are wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then all of a sudden we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it, but you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else, and you were lost. So you took her life, you killed them both and now you have nothing.
Dr. Vincet Lurie: I'm still here.
Grissom: Are you?
[Camera shows Sara on the other side of the glass, she watched the entire thing]

Doc Robbins: Dismembering an adult male with this much presision and without cutting through the bone. 12 hours minimum.
Catherine: Half of a day. That's patience.
Doc Robbins: The, uh, patella was cleanly removed. And with one slice, the femur was separated from the tibia and the fibula. There's a perverse elegance to this butchery.
Catherine: Well, I'm not so sure I see it that way. A killer with knowledge of anatomy who's tool is a scapel. I think that the butcher was a doctor.

Suckers [4.13]

Grissom: Sara?
Sara: Hmm?
Grissom: Do you have any duct tape in your kit?
Sara: Yeah, that's what I use to keep it together.

Paper or Plastic? [4.14]

Officer Formansky: Before this goes any deeper I wanna hear it from you, are you gonna try and screw me on this? [Grissom doesn't say anything] Well?
Grissom: Well, I guess that depends on whether or not I get stuck in traffic on the way to your hearing.

Early Rollout [4.15]

Catherine: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?
Grissom: Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.
Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!
[Grissom stops writing on the evaluation and he looks at her]
Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine's eyes widen]
Grissom: You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.
Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...
Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.
Catherine: Are you goin' some place?
Grissom: You never know.
Catherine: Are you considering me?
Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?
[He hands her the evaluation to sign and she thumbs through it]
Catherine: You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?
Grissom: I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.
Catherine: Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.
Grissom: For how much?
Catherine: Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.
Grissom: Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?
Catherine: I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.
Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.
Catherine: Gil, I would never you or the lab.
Grissom: [Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?
Catherine: That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]

Getting Off [4.16]

[Analyzing the boxers found on the victim]
Catherine: Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg: Semen stains.
Catherine:: Yeah.
Greg: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine: No.
Greg: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Greg: The gods of CODIS have blessed us with a hit.

XX [4.17]

[Drawing a sample from a cadaver's bladder]
Doc Robbins: Urine... you're out.
Catherine: Home pregnancy test, huh?
Doc Robbins: It's about 10 times cheaper than the brand sold by our medicial supply company. But just as accurate.
Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that very---
Doc Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine: Prudent. But that was a good try.
Doc Robbins: Ah, plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine: Who's yo daddy?

Bad to the Bone [4.18]

Brass: It's not as bad as it looks.
Sheriff Atwater: It never looks good when a suspect dies in custody.

Bad Words [4.19]

[Reading the high school newspaper and a column by the victim]
Nick: The lead story by editor and chief Sabrina Abernathy, entitled "Varsity Hazing Ritual". Now listen to this -- "The question is not whether the so called student athletes should be expelled but whether or not they should be arrested."
Warrick: Why, what'd they do?
Nick: Apparently something with several hookers and alot of testosterone.
Greg: Whatever happened to toliet paper and trees?

[Grissom and Sara search suspect Craig Kaufman's room for evidence for something connecting to the false word EXVINS]
Craig: What are you looking for?
Sara: A six-letter word.
[Grissom finds a replica Tokarev gun among Craig's things]
Grissom: P-I-S-T-O-L? It's not the word we were looking for, but it's interesting.

Dead Ringer [4.20]

[Grissom is driving next to Catherine who's running. The title theme from Chariots of Fire is playing from the SUV]
Catherine: [out of breath] What the hell kind of music is that?
Grissom: Inspiration.
Catherine: Sedative!
Grissom: Okay. [Grissom changes the song to a country one.] How's this?
Catherine: How 'bout something that doesn't twang?
[Grissoms changes it to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet]

Lieutenant Mendez: I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove.
Catherine: A man with nothing to prove. Now that would be a first.

Lieutenant Mendez: Those the best you got? [He points over to Grissom and Catherine]
Brass: Yeah, yeah, you got lucky.
Lt. Mendez: Well, if they're not I'll fly mine in.
Brass: Let me put it to you this way - I'd want them investigating my murder.

Turn of the Screws [4.21]

Grissom: This is the first time a roller coaster has derailed in Clark County. Huge criminial and civil liabitilities issues, so keep it quiet. Photograph the scene. Bag and tag the detritus. Forklift anything bigger than Greg. We're going to put up a tent on the other side of the parking lot for crime scene reconstruction. Questions?
Greg: Yeah. What's that guy doing so far away from the others?
Grissom: Curious, isn' t it? [walks away]
Greg: So when he asks if anybody has any questions he's not really asking?

Grissom: There are three things in human life that are important, the first is to be kind, the second one is to be kind and the third one is to be kind.
Sara: Henry James.
Grissom: Very good, author of one of the greatest horror stories ever written, Turn of the Screw, and I'm looking for one.
Sara: A screw?
Grissom: Yes.

Greg: I found something a little unusual for a roller coaster. Not a sailor but a...
Sara: Semen. Sex on the roller coaster?
Greg: Or some kid shaking hands with Shorty.
Grissom: The release of epinephrine and adrealine while riding a roller coaster can produce a stimlatory effect. It enhances ejaculation.
Greg: Right.

No More Bets [4.22]

Grissom: I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position.
Sara: Why?
Grissom: Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not.
Sara: That's a stupid reason.

Sam Braun: Some people in this town think I'm a murderer.
Catherine: Some people in this town know you're a murderer.

Warrick: They used to tell me back in the day that if you were caught cheating you'd get a couple whacks on the hand with a ball peen hammer.
Doc Robbins: Ow.
Warrick: Second time you got caught you'd lose a limb.
Doc Robbins: Third time?
Warrick: A long walk in the desert with a shovel.

Sam Braun: I'm curious. What bothers you more? The fact that you couldn't pin a murder on me....or that Catherine cashed my check? [Grissom gives him a look] There were no strings on that money.

Bloodlines [4.23]

Sara: Hey, hey, Nick, Congratulations on your almost promotion. Seriously, you deserved it.
Nick: Wow, that's really hard for you isn't it?
Sara: Yeah, it is.

Season 5

Viva Las Vegas [5.01]

Grissom: [about why the killer brought the Polaroid with him] Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Salome- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.
Brass: So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?
Greg: Whoever shot him?

Sara: (To herself in the mirror) So I had some time to think while I was away, enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake, I...I do not have a drinking problem, I have a, uh...me problem. My PEAP counselor suggested it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor and that's you, Grissom, so... I never told you about my family, I never told anyone about my family, why would I?...

Brass: Hey Gil there's something stuck to your shoe... Oh, it's just Sanders.
(Greg gives him a dry look)

Down the Drain [5.02]

Sara: I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.
Grissom: I'm not worried. I'm concered.
Sara: Isn't that kind of the same thing?

Warrick: Alright then, lets head upstream.
Catherine: I knew you were going to say that.

Harvest [5.03]

Greg: Just hedging my bets.
Warrick: How so?
Greg: Well, I need field experience, but before I get that, I need to find a replacement. So far, I'm oh-for-one. Plus, she's hot and thinks you're a tool, so I'm way ahead.

Crow's Feet [5.04]

Doc Robbins: I found ten cc's of urine in her stomach. Digestive system is intact and I found no bruises or abrasions in her mouth. So there's only one way it could've gotten there.
Catherine: Chug-a-lug.

Swap Meet [5.05]

Mia: Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads.
Greg: And a partidge in a pear tree. Some kids are happy playing in the sandbox, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe.
Mia: I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen and vaginal secretions and epthelials, but don't get your hopes up.
Greg: Oh, my money's on bag number two.
Mia: Twenty-six used condoms.
Greg: Just like being back in college, right?
Mia: Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were twenty-two.
Greg: (Ignoring her): Grissom and I figured that they practiced safe sex so we checked their trash. Check them inside and out, please.
Mia: I've analyzed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.

What's Eating Gilbert Grissom? [5.06]

Warrick: Griss, this place is crawling with press. They want a statement.
Grissom: Not now.
Warrick: Well, if you don't say anything, they're just going to fill in the blanks...
Grissom: Screw the press, 'cause for all I know, the dead body is an auto mechanic who just painted his house blue.

Formalities [5.07]

Catherine: I thought you were going to process the scene with Grissom.
Nick: I was. He said he had it covered. Sofia Curtis is up there with him.
Catherine: Right... Ecklie's right hand.
Nick: Hmm?
Catherine: Ever do a case with her?
Nick: Uh-uh. Hey, I heard Grissom stuck you with his speech.
Catherine: A napkin is not a speech.

[Catherine comes in to talk to Greg, who's been reviewing video surveillance tapes for about 8 hours]
Catherine: Tell me something.
Greg: I think my eyes need band-aids.

Ch-Ch-Changes [5.08]

Grissom: I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy.
Mimosa: I appreciate your telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say?
Grissom: Show them an oyster.
Mimosa: I'm sorry?
Grissom: There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex... is a mutation.

Mea Culpa [5.09]

Catherine: Are you doing all this for the sake of the lab or to indict Grissom?
Ecklie: Catherine, there a number of talented CSIs, like yourself, who have put in to be supervisors. I just want to make sure the right people are in the right place.
Catherine: About my request, I really would like to supervise days.
Ecklie: Right. You're a single mother. Better hours. And I bet you could use the extra cash.
Catherine: No, this promotion isn't about money.
Ecklie: Must be nice to be independently wealthy.
Catherine: We're done here, right?
Ecklie: Yeah.

No Humans Involved [5.10]

Catherine: Taking your pet for a walk?
Grissom: I know how much you like my little fetal pig, so I'm giving him to you as an office-warming gift.
Catherine: That is so thoughtful. Now tell me why you really stopped by. You checking up on me?
Grissom: No.
Catherine: What've you heard? Who talked to you?
Grissom: See? You've only been on the job a week and you're already paranoid.
Catherine: [laughs] When I was your right hand and your left, I always knew if it hit the fan, you'd be the one to get dirty.
Grissom: Hey, that's the job.
Catherine: Yeah, that's the job. Did you ever play politics?
Grissom: I once ran for president of science club in junior high. Mary Hardy beat me out by one vote.
Catherine: I'm going to guess that you didn't vote for yourself.
Grissom: I'm not any good at politics. It cost me, that's how I lost Nick and Warrick.
Catherine: Your loss, my gain.
Grissom: Yeah, and at least I know that they're in good hands.

Who Shot Sherlock [5.11]

Grissom: Deerstalker cap, violin, Meerschaum pipe, even a Persian slipper with tobacco stuffed in the toe, I imagine. All in all, meticulous recreation of 221-B Baker Street: residence of the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes.
Brass: Also known as Dennis Kingsley, delivery guy. What do you think?
Grissom: Ask Greg. It's his case. It's his final proficiency test. Emphasis in the "final".
Brass: Okay, Dr. Watson, run it.

Snakes [5.12]

[looking at a university degree on the deceased's wall]
Catherine: Gang-banger girlfriend with a degree?
Nick: Sounds like a rock band.

Nesting Dolls [5.13]

[Greg is wearing a suit and tie and attempting to flatten out his hair for court]
Sara: Wow. Look at you, Mr. straightedge. I did not know that your hair could do that.
Greg: I look like a dork.
Sara: No, no, no. You look professional which is what you are.

Unbearable [5.14]

Grissom: Hey, the rich are just as deviant as the poor.

King Baby [5.15]

Greg: Brass subpoenaed Eiger's home phone calls in the last year.
Ecklie: Yeah, anything interesting?
Greg: Numerous calls from Eiger's house to Sy Magli's office.
Ecklie: Well, they were known business rivals.
Greg: Between midnight and 4 a.m., what I like to call: "Love Hours".
Grissom: Wouldn't be the first time that hate mutated into passion.
Greg: Public enemies, private lovers. So Jackie Collins.

Big Middle [5.16]

Greg: That means she slept with a dead guy. She's not only a killer she's a necrophiliac. That's what I call enjoying your work.
[They review the tape some more]
Sara: She's trashed. Maybe she passed out.
Greg: How drunk do you have to be to sleep next to a decomposing body? The smell alone is an alarm clock.
Sara: Not next to him, on top of him.

Compulsion [5.17]

[About a wad of hair found in a drain. Hodges thinks it smells woodsy]
Grissom: You sniffed it?
Hodges: That disgust you?
Grissom: No. Actually it's the first thing you've ever done to impress me.

Spark of Life [5.18]

Sofia: What's the problem?
Greg: Nothing. I'm fine.
Sofia: You're not.
Greg: I feel like a wuss. Grissom told me I should take a break, and I did.
Sofia: Your burn victim.
Greg: [nods] How do you get an image like that out of your mind?
Sofia: You go home. You, uh... hug your cat, your dog, your pillow. You have a beer, you watch a movie, and then you come back tomorrow.
Greg: Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Sofia: Rumor has it you used to be a pretty funny guy. Don't lose that.

4x4 [5.19]

Hodges: How old were you when you first got drunk?
Nick: Oh, 16.. 17..
Hodges: Amortized over a generation, 12's about right?
Nick: So your saying, two generations from now, four-year-olds are just gonna be getting trashed?
Hodges: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

Brass: Let me get this straight, Larry. An old man refuses to let you steal his money, so you jack a Hummer and try to run over his taco stand?
Larry: [Embarrassed] Maybe.
Grissom: I think this is the dumbest thing we've ever heard.

Hollywood Brass [5.20]

Annie: L.A. over 200 criminalists and you gotta bring your own guy in?
Brass: Well, Rick is like a vampire, he needs to be invited in.
Annie: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify.
Warrick: Well, you got beaches, bikinis. Free trip to L.A. ? I'm down.

Committed [5.21]

Grissom: Jail or no jail, she won't last six months. She'll die without her son.
Sara: That would be better for both of them.

Weeping Willows [5.22]

Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who walk into a bar?
Catherine: I'm not in the mood.
Grissom: Neither was the monkey.

Iced [5.23]

Grissom: And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back.
Ecklie: Very funny.
Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, uh, spray the party hat with ninhydrin.
Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you.
Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves.

Grave Danger [5.24]

Nick: What's going on out here?
Police officer: Well, an anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled, and found this. [Shines flashlight on a pile of intestines]
Nick: Mmm, tasty.

Walter Gordon: You know, I was under the impression that it was against departmental policy to negotiate with terrorists.
Grissom: Are you a terrorist?
Walter Gordon: Depends. [Shines flashlight in Grissom's face] Are you terrified?
Grissom: Look, I really don't want to talk to you. Where is my guy?
Walter Gordon: Oh, so he's "your guy", huh?
Grissom: Yes, he is. Where is he buried?
Walter Gordon: Are you two close?
Grissom: That's none of your business.
Walter Gordon: What does "Nick Stokes" mean to you? How do you feel when you see him in that coffin? Does your soul die every time you push that button? How do you feel knowing that there's nothing you can do to get him out of that hell? Helpless? Useless? Impotent?
[Grissom is silent]
Walter Gordon: Good. Welcome to my world. [Opens jacket, revealing Semtex strapped around him] Uh, if I were you, I'd back up a little.
[Grissom takes a step back]
[Gordon blows himself up]

Season 6

Bodies in Motion [6.1]

Brass:Let me tell you my story. Once upon a time, you follow your husband to a trailer park. You see him slumming with his little trailer bunny. You waited for him to come out...
[Flashback to, trailer door opens, Robert Durgee steps out. Amber sits in her car watching him. He lights his cigarette, suddenly car lights glare at him and tires screech as the car surges toward him]
Brass:When she pulls the body back in, before she can call for help, you torch the place. Kaboom. The end.
Amber Durgee: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard
Brass [laughs]: Wouldn't even make my top ten.

Sofia: Your broadcast was for a blue Pontiac. Patrol figured this was worth a look.
Grissom: How bad does a smell have to get before Parking Control calls Homicide?
Sara: No way this car was at the trailer park. Think we've got a new case. First citation was issued five days ago. Car's probably been here at least six. [Sofia pops the trunk. Inside are the liquefied remains of two bodies] Six days in the summer heat.
Grissom: And a trunk becomes a crockpot.

Room Service [6.2]

Nick: Are you baggin' Z's right now, man?
Hodges: I was just having the greatest dream.
Warrick: You were out.
Hodges: It was the 80's and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the Miami Vice stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it.

Bite Me [6.3]

David: It's like the Red Sea in here.
Grissom: The Red Sea's not red, David.
David: No, it's blue from afar and transparent when held in hand, like any other body of water. I was just speaking figuratively.

Shooting Stars [6.4]

Grissom: The Orionid meteor shower. You never get a view like this in town.
Brass: Hmm. So, uh, is this part of the investigation?
Grissom: No. But we're here, and it's beautiful.

Catherine: It's a big desert.
Grissom: About twenty-five thousand square miles
Catherine: Nearest town is Parhump. That's about thirty miles from here
Grissom: But I got water, we can share.
Catherine: Who are you today, Moses?
Catherine: [on phone] Yeah, Jim. Uh, Grissom and I are gonna take a little walk.

Sara: Any good news, Mandy?
Mandy: A little bit. Male DB at the bunker matched your partial from the kitchen door. So far he's the only one with a record. Matthew Dickens, 19, bust for petty theft.
Sara: College student
Mandy: Yeah, very impressionable. When I start my religion, that's where I'm gonna recruit.
[Sara gives her a weird look]

Gum Drops [6.5]

Sara: Everything in our experience tells us they're dead.. all four of them.
Nick: Doesn't mean we just give up.
Sara: No one's giving up. It's just that... you're acting like you're gonna rescue a person, not recover a body. And on this job that's not usually the case.
Nick: I was rescued.
Sara: It was not your day to die. When it's your day, it's your day. You know?
Nick: I don't think it was Cassie's day.

Sara: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Nick: Sure, what's up?
Sara: I-I think I need to talk about what happened at the station.
Nick: Oh, yeah.
Sara: I'm slightly concerned about its effect on the case, but more than that, I'm concerned about the case's effect on you, Nick, and I'm absolutely sure that, six months ago, you wouldn't have lost it like that.
Nick: I know, I'm sorry. I apologize for that.

Secrets and Flies [6.6]

Grissom: Well, it's always good to know what you don't know.

Catherine: So I understand that you're going up against Mark Thayer? The guy's an ass.
Grissom: Used to be a competent scientist. We actually co-authored a paper together ten years ago. I believe greed has gotten in his way.
Catherine: Well, I've seen him on the stand. He manipulates evidence.
Grissom: He manipulates people. The public assumes that scientists are ethical. But many of us are no better than politicians evidently

A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 1 [6.7]

[After they got done putting red rods into a police car, indicating where the bullets hit it]
Nick: Looks like porcupine.
Sara: There's not enough room between rods for a human being to fit.
Nick: I know. [sighs] Bell and Adams must've been really swervin' and weavin'.
Sara: 78 bullet holes. And Bell wasn't hit until he got out of the car.
Nick: And I heard Bell was a rookie, barely off training. It was just his time I guess.

A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 2 [6.8]

[At a community meeting, in a church]
Grissom: Hello. My name is Doctor Gil Grissom. I'm the night shift supervisor of the Las Vegas Police Department's crime lab. I'm not a police officer, I'm a scientist.
Shooter's Brother: You work for the cops, that makes you a cop. You're not on our side.
Grissom: Actually I'm a forensics expert. My job is to collect physical evidence from a crime scene to determine who did what to whom and how did they do it. I've been asked to come here today by the Mayor and Sheriff Berdic to present our analysis of the evidence in this case to your community.
Shooter's Mom: Why here? Why should we believe your evidence?
Grissom: Physical evidence cannot be wrong, it doesn't lie. It's not influenced by emotion or prejudice, it's not confused by the excitement of the moment. I'm here [looks up] in God's house to explain to you the truth about exactly what happened the other day.

Dog Eat Dog [6.9]

Hodges: All the hairs lifted off the victim's clothes were consistent with each other. There's a sample under the scope. The root is shaped like a spade which is indicitative of canine. The scale pattern is consistent with a golden retriever.
Sara: Oh, yeah the victims have a golden retriever.
Hodges: Well if you cracked that mystery at the scene, you would have saved me a lot of time. [sighs] I've been working like a dog.
Nick: You know studies have found that pet owners have lower stress levels, you should, you should check that out.
Hodges: Well, I had a hamster when I was growing up. My mother hated them she said they stank out my room. But I just loved to watch them spinning on their little wheels. One day I came home and they were gone. Somehow they'd gotten out of their cage.
Sara: How much did your mother hate them?
Hodges: They ran away.

Still Life [6.10]

Warrick: What's a 4-5-0?
Karen: That would be sex with a dead body.

Werewolves [6.11]

Robbins: You know, Gil, we're all intrigued by our nightmares when we watch freak shows, but basically we're all thinking the same thing.
Grissom: Yeah, I'm glad they're not looking at me.

Daddy's Little Girl [6.12]

Nick: Hey, Grissom. You wanna talk to me?
Grissom: Yeah. Sit down. (pause) I heard that uh, Kelly Gordon may be a suspect in your murder case.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: Is that a problem?
Nick: No. No, it's not a problem. Hey, by the way I heard the tape. I did a voice comparison. Sylvia Mullins is the other voice on that tape. She's Walter Gordon's ex-business manager so I'm pretty sure she had something to do with my kidnapping.
Grissom: But now she's dead.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: So... it's over.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: Good.
Nick: Good.

Warrick: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Grissom: The Winner?

Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye [6.13]

[Looking at Lois' ring]
Catherine: The canary diamond.
Sara: Wanna bet the birdie sings in the key of GSR?

[Hodges is coloring in his grey hair with a marker pen]:
Grissom: Vanity, thy name is Hodges.
Hodges: This isn't what it looks like. I actually like my grey hair, the few that I have.
Sara: Hodges, don't you know that grey hair can be very attractive. [Grissom and Hodges look at her suggestively] The, uh, ring?

Killer [6.14]

Greg: Every time I come to the desert I see porno mags. Who brings spankables out here?
Nick: It's probably just trash... blown in from off the street.
Greg: Porn isn't trash. They're heirlooms that you pass down.

Pirates of the Third Reich [6.15]

Wendy: I have a question. How do you have sex with the person who killed your daughter?
Grissom: Revenge is an act of passion.

Up in Smoke [6.16]

Sara:: What were you doing on the roof?
Jonathan Wax:: That's what I do -- Chad's Chimney Sweeps. I clean fireplaces and chimneys. I was out at that Sidley place about a month ago. You can call Chad. I remember that place. Man, that guy had one big-ass chimney.
Sara:: I don't suppose you saw a body while you were there?
Jonathan Wax:: Look, I may be an ex-con, but even I would've dialed 9-1-1.

I Like to Watch [6.17]

Cameraman:: Do you think forensic shows are just teaching the criminals how to get away with crimes?
Grissom:: Everyone learns from science. It all depends on how you use the knowledge.

The Unusual Suspect [6.18]

Mandy:: Twelve year old killer, huh?
Nick:: Starting to look that way.
Mandy:: I bet that Grand Theft Auto had something to do with it.
Nick:: Mmm, I don't know, I don't think Hannah is the video game type.
Mandy:: You never know. Between you and me, I actually think it's a ton of fun.

Spellbound [6.19]

Grissom:: I need to talk to you.
Greg:: You heard about the strip club?
Grissom:: I hear about everything, Greg.
Greg:: That ear surgery paid off.

Poppin' Tags [6.20]

Dollar:: I got more enemies than some countries got people.
Brass:: Give us some names.
Dollar:: It's gonna be a long list.

Rashomama [6.21]

Mikey:: Where's that Sara chick?
Catherine:: Oh Romeo, I don't think you'll have time for romance. You're being charged with grand theft auto, obstruction of justice and conspiracy of murder...
Mikey:: Okay. I will cop to everything but the murder.
Catherine:: Well, if you didn't commit the murder, why did you steal the car?
Mikey:: Look, the lady was already dead, all right? And then you guys show up...and then this bridesmaid comes up to me and starts askin' me all these questions about my tow truck.
Catherine:: Which bridesmaid?
Mikey:: The hot one. The next thing I know she wants to be the Bonnie to my Clyde. She asked me to steal this car and trash all the evidence.
Catherine:: So you commited grand theft auto to get laid?
Mikey:: Have you ever stolen a two-ton piece of machinery? It's way much better than sex. And finding a girl that doesn't wanna kick you to the curb for it, I mean c'mon, that's hot! Besides, I haven't gotten a wedding gift for my sister yet.

Catherine:: Anyone interested in the wedding DVD?
Greg, Nick & Sara:: Yeah.
Catherine:: Courtsey of Frank Rosetti. Owner of Cupid’s Kiss. [(puts the DVD in)] All right, where do you wanna start?
Greg, Nick & Sara:: The toast.
[(Catherine puts on the toast, and they watch)]
Dianne Chase: [(On DVD)]: Everyone, I wanna thank you for coming. You know, they say love is as strong as death and as mother of the groom his wedding is bitter sweet. You are giving up as much as you are gaining. In some cases you are giving up much more. [(loses her speech as she starts to get tipsy)] To hell with it, I’ll wing it. My Adam. He studied at oxford, he went to Harvard school of business & of all the intelligent, wonderful, beautiful women he met along the way he ended up with Jill, plain little Jill. There's nothing wrong with her, but what's right with her, haha, even her name is boring. [(turns to Adam)] You can take a lover, you just don't have to end up marrying her.. I mean, do you really wanna shallow our gene pool like this? [(Adam tries to get her to leave)] I wanna thank you all so much for coming, oh I love you Adam. [(Catherine pauses the DVD after the toast is done)]
Catherine:: Justifiable homicide?

Time of Your Death [6.22]

Sara:: Please tell me there are something more to this guys and cars thing, besides the obvious penis extension metaphors.
Greg:: So you want me to lie?

Bang-Bang [6.23]

Doc Robbins:: Gil... have you ever been even close to getting married?
Grissom:: Once... when I was younger. Her name was Nicole Daley. I asked her to marry me. We were classmates. She liked bugs too. I gave her my grandmother's ring, but my mother made me get it back. [(Doc Robbins nods)] Second grade.

Way to Go [6.24]

Grissom: I think I found a toupee, our vic may be bald.
Nick: Thanks that will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here.

Nick:: Are you checking out my waist?
Hodges:: I'm a, I'm a 32 incher myself... same as in college.
Nick:: Oh, congratulations.
Hodges:: You know, women aren't the only ones who feel the pressure to look good. Time was, having a rotund belly was a sign of prosperity and success... now, it just means you're a lazy glutton not getting any.

Greg: Just between you and me, does he always wear a suit [talking about Brass]? Like, when you guys go to dinner, the movies...or whatever it is you do when you hang out? 'Cuz I gotta tell you, the thought of him in a sweater really freaks me out.
Grissom [smiles] We don't hang out, Greg.
Greg: No kidding? [shrugs shoulders] I just assumed.

Grissom: I don't know, most people want to die in their sleep I suppose never know that it's happening, like a crime scene, surprise you're dead. I'd prefer to know in advance that I was gona die, like to be diagnosed with cancer actually have some time to prepare, go back to the rainforest one more time, re-read Moby Dick, possibly enter an international chess tournament, at least have enough time to say goodbye to the people I love.
Sara: I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Season 7

Built to Kill: Part 1 [7.1]

Grissom:: I got you a veggie burger.
Sara:: Thanks.
Warrick:: What'd you get me?
Grissom:: I didn't know you were here. Soy, sorry. (Sara smirks)
Warrick:: Where is the love?

Built to Kill: Part 2 [7.2]

[Looking at Sven's architectural drawings]
Sara:: If Sven is capable of creating these kinds of 3D renderings, he definitely could have built that miniature.
Sofia:: Son defending the honor of his mother?
Sara:: Name that Greek tragedy.

Toe Tags [7.3]

Doc. Robbins: [(to Catherine)]: When was the last time you took a nap in Grissoms' tub?

Fannysmackin' [7.4]

Grissom:: Has someone called your parents? You should let them know-- [(Greg groans)] What's the matter?
Greg:: They still think I'm in the lab.
Grissom:: Why do they think that?
Greg:: When I was in high school I never played any sports, no football, no basketball, definitely no hockey.
Grissom: [(sarcastic)]: I never would have guessed.
Greg:: Well, it wasn't my choice. My mom wanted four kids, ended up with only one. She always made sure I stayed close and if I got a nosebleed she'd take me to the ER.
Grissom:: Well, now would be the time to come clean.
Greg: [(beginning to cry)]: My mom's gonna freak.
Grissom:: You tell her that you risked your life to save someone else's and I think she'll be very proud of you.

Double Cross [7.5]

Brass: Is it bigger sin to lie if you're a priest?
Grissom: I hope so.

Catherine: 18 years and this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes.
Grissom: I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness instead of penance.
Catherine: We could all use a little forgiveness.

Catherine: This one's for you, Sam. (lights a votive candle)

Burn Out [7.6]

Grissom:: Okay, Carl, tell me what happened.
Carl:: Lucas and Jason had gotten into it with Jason's grandfather, he'd knock the boys around, they ran to Lucas' house but couldn't get in. So they came to me. I explained to them that hitting wasn't okay, I said that Jason needed to call his father and explain to him what was going on.
Grissom:: Did you let them use your phone?
Carl:: They were too upset. When the grandfather pushed Lucas, he hit his head, I gave him a couple of aspirin.
Grissom:: Well, if he didn't wanna call his mother, why didn't you call?
Carl:: I couldn't risk it. She might've turned me in.
Grissom:: So instead, you took them from pizza?
Carl:: I didn't touch him. I didn't wanna hurt 'em.
Grissom:: You gave him liquor.
Carl:: I stopped and bought some whiskey before we picked up the pizza, I was nervous about them being in the car with me, I didn't wanna go back to prison.
Grissom:: And you wanted to get them drunk.
Carl:: They---they just wanted to try it. I gave them a taste.
Grissom:: It was more than just a taste, Carl. Lucas' blood alcohol level was .16, that's twice the legal limit for an adult. Why didn't you take them home?
Carl:: They didn't wanna go home, they wanted an adventure. [(shows a flashback of them at the golf course)] I promised them a dollar for every golf ball that they brought back, Lucas wasn't feeling well, so he stayed in the car with me.
Grissom:: And you knew that Jason wanted money so he could go to Texas to see his dad, so you bribed him in order to be alone with Lucus.
Carl:: I didn't molest him!
Grissom:: Who took his shirt off?
Carl:: He was hot.
Grissom:: What were you going to do him once his shirt was off?
Carl:: It was innocent, he wasn't feeling well. He layed his head in my lap, I touched his hair---I didn't wanna, but---I loved him. I loved Lucas and he loved me.
Grissom:: Is that what you think? Then why didn't you help him? He told you that he hit his head, he was in pain, he had a concussion, Carl. You must've known that. I'm sure he was dizzy, had no appetite, maybe he was even slurring his words. But you didn't care about that because you wanted what you wanted. His brain was bleeding, now most kids don't die from that because someone who really loves them takes them to the hospital. But instead, you gave him alcohol and aspirin a lethal combination for his head injury---it prevented his blood from clotting. (pauses) You killed him, Carl. And you would've killed Jason too. Except he ran away from you and out of your reach.
Carl:: You're not listening to me. I didn't wanna hurt anyone. I need you to believe me.
Grissom:: I don't. You had choices, you made the wrong ones and now this little boy is gone.

Post Mortem [7.7]

Greg:: This isn't a trial, it's a circus.
Sofia:: Yeah, starring the mother.
Greg:: I feel like I should say something?
Sofia:: Like what?
Greg:: I don't know.
Sofia:: Sorry? You're gonna apologize to the mother of a guy who beat one man to death and was tryin' to do the same to you? That's as good as saying your guilty and setting yourself up for one hell of a civil suit besides. You did nothing wrong.
Greg:: I just wanna be able to sleep again.
Sofia:: We put ourselves in harms way every single day and sometimes we pay one hell of a price for surviving it. Other people will never understand that.

Happenstance [7.8]

Catherine:: Well, I got a phone, and keys but no purse.
Nick:: Mugging?
Catherine:: Take the purse but leave the Lexus?
Nick:: Yeah, that's not real savvy, is it?

Living Legend [7.9]

Grissom:: Our Mexican Fisherman signed his television release form "F. Krueger."
Catherine:: Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street.
Archie:: The karoke singer was Michael Myers. Halloween.
Catherine:: Parts 1-9.
Archie:: Yeah, but our hotel killer was Pamela Voorhees.
Catherine:: Friday the 13th?
Archie:: No, that's Jason. Wait, Jason was the sequel, Pamela was the killer in the original. That's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in Scream.
Catherine:: Yeah, and look how far it got her.
Archie:: You watch slasher fics?
Catherine:: With Lindsey, I do. They never get the spatter right.
Grissom:: All I know, the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for.

Loco Motives [7.10]

Catherine: [to Max, while he's stuck in cement]: Are you ready to give me a name? You know, you are in a very deep hole, in every sense of the word my friend. Think about that while we chisel you out. It's going to take a few hours. Assuming we're careful. See you!

[Catherine is trying not to laugh at Max, who is stuck waist-deep in cement]
Grissom: Catherine, do you need a moment?

Leaving Las Vegas [7.11]

Adam Novak:: Why the hell is your department tailing my client?
Nick:: Concern for his safety?
Adam Novak:: That's cute. Jay Finch was acquitted of his mother's murder; he deserves all the rights of a free man.
Nick:: With all due respect, Mr. Novak, no laws have been broken here.
Adam Novak:: You can't try Finch twice for the same crime.
Nick:: No, but you can for a different crime.
Adam Novak:: Oh, I see this is a personal vendetta by CSI Willows.
Nick:: Personal, to who?
Adam Novak:: Me! She's a man-hater. No suprise, but how long do we have to pay for the sins of her father?
Nick:: Y'know Catherine and I get along just great, maybe it's you.

Grissom:: Hey, how's it going on your civil case? Did you get a lawyer?
Greg:: LVPD said they'd provide me with an attorney.
Grissom:: Get your own counsel, Greg. That's your right.
Greg:: Well, are you gonna give me raise because otherwise I can't afford that.
Grissom:: Call the PPAC and talk to your union rep. This was an on duty incident, they'll provide you with an attorney.
Greg:: How's the union lawyer gonna be any different?
Grissom:: The department's only interest is the department. They'll throw you under the bus to protect themselves. When's your deposition?
Greg:: Three weeks from tomorrow.
Grissom:: Stick to whatever you put in the report. Don't waver, be consistent. Everything's gonna be fine.

Sweet Jane [7.12]

Doc Robbins:: I reviewed that Jane Doe autopsy from '75.
Keppler:: That was fast.
Doc Robbins:: Well I'm sure the original examination was too. M.E. was a hack named Sam Bernard. He, uh, retired a little while after I started. Once saw him do a Y with a scalpel in one hand and a hot dog in the other.
Keppler:: Take it he wasn't known for his, uh, rigorous analysis.
Doc Robbins:: He was known for liking hotdogs.
(Keppler chuckles)

Catherine:: Dr. Dave's smile is perfect.
Keppler:: Would you go to a dentist with bad teeth?

Keppler:: In theory, as the killer gets more and more comfortable after each act, the locations of the bodies should spiral outward from one central point.
Warrick:: I'll tell 'ya one thing your dump sites do have in common.
Keppler:: What's that?
Warrick:: When the bodies were found in the location they were at the time had the highest crime rate in the city.
Keppler:: Smart. Your crime center seems to move around here a lot, huh?
Warrick:: Well, in Vegas new is old in 5 years. Old is history in 10, and nothin' ever seems to leave a mark.
Keppler:: Sounds refreshing.

Redrum [7.13]

Catherine:: I grew up in this town, I know all about playing the odds, you are gambling with my team.
Keppler:: We talked about the risks going in, it's not like we can quit now.
Catherine:: I'm not quitting, but I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys.

Meet Market [7.14]

[Sara finds Keppler in Grissom's office, looking at the miniature models]
Sara:: Hi. What are you doing?
Keppler:: Just looking.
Sara:: What do you think?
Keppler:: Meticulous. Obsessive. Clearly knows his way around a modeling kit.
Sara:: Grissom didn't make those.
Keppler:: No? Hmm. Fits the profile. Bugs in bottles, the Darwin desk set.
Sara:: He's a... bit of a collector of certain things.
Keppler:: Yeah, I knew a guy in Philly like that. Kept a case of thumbs in a closet.
Sara:: Friend of yours?
Keppler:: No, serial killer.
Sara:: Do you miss it?
Keppler:: What?
Sara:: Philly.
Keppler:: No.

Law of Gravity [7.15]

Grissom:: I hear that there was some friction in the lab when I was gone.
Warrick:: Did you ever hear of reverse forensics? [Grissom looks up at him, a little shocked]

Monster in the Box [7.16]

Grissom:: Catherine, lay out room, now!
Catherine: (enters): Gil, where's the fire? [Catherine sees the miniature crime scene and looks confused]
Grissom:: It's been sitting in my office for the last 4 weeks.
Catherine:: But we caught the miniature serial killer, he confessed.
Grissom:: Yeah, and I watched him blow his brains out. But, I think the package was post marked after he killed himself.
Catherine:: Maybe he arranged to have it sent post-mortum.
Grissom:: The three other murders, the miniature was left at the scene. This one was addressed to me.
Catherine:: So now it's personal.

Fallen Idols [7.17]

Warrick:: What is this Grissom? Romeo and Juliet.
Grissom:: Post-Mortem photography. Momento Mori. In the nineteenth century the photo of the dead loved one was a popular keepsake. Death remembered. One last look.

Ryan Lansco:: (from video) Come on, guys. It's cold in here! You could at least close the door! (Reads) I, Ryan Lansco ... am a diseased subhuman sex pervert. If you do me, you'll go home with a souvenir: your own little crab colony. (Angrily) My parents better never see this!
Sheila Latham:: Oh, yeah? This is going up on YouTube, or maybe you'd like to put it on your FriendAgenda page. You put everything else up there, why not your crotch rot?

Sara: (with a razor in her hand) Do you trust me?
Grissom: Intimately (she begins to shave off his beard)

Empty Eyes [7.18]

Mary Wilson:: Warrick Brown. I remember you standing on my steps with those guilty green eyes, afraid to come in because you knew your grandma would size you up no matter what kind of trouble you got into.
Warrick:: I don't remember any trouble.
Mary Wilson:: Like when you were thirteen years old, and you took her new Buick out for a spin.
Warrick:: Oh... that thing with the bumper trying to parallel park. I forgot about that.

Big Shots [7.19]

Wendy:: You know, if you're still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that this isn't your lab, I suggest counseling.
Greg:: I would like you to run these, please?
Wendy:: M'kay.

Lab Rats [7.20]

[Archie is about to sit on Grissom's chair]
Hodges:: Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah...
Archie:: What?
Hodges:: What are you doing?
Archie:: Sitting!
Hodges:: No No, you're tempting fate! You know how you should never try on someone else's engagement ring, hold the Oscar, or use the excuse your grandmother died when she didn't?

Wendy:: What on God's green earth possessed you to do this?
Hodges:: It's my lucky day.
Wendy:: What?
Hodges:: It's my lucky day...

Hodges: Four crime scene miniatures. Four murder victims. And one diabolical killer with an obsessive streak who still remains at large. I don't know if any of you have noticed how distracted Grissom's been lately, but it's these, keeping him up at night.
Archie: You know the combination?
Hodges: Of course. Grissom could use some fresh eyes on the case and that's why I've asked you here. Obviously, this could be perciedved as insulting to the CSIs who formerly worked the cases, so secrecy is of the utmost importance. Double down low.
Mandy: [in a british accent] Oh James, it's Monnypenny, M needs you back at HQ.
Archie: Shoe phone was get smart, girl.
Mandy: Oh, that's right
Henry: Ninety-nine was so hot.
Archie: Yeah
Hodges: Four people are dead, the killer's still out there, and you're mocking?
Mandy: We're mocking you
Hodges: Ah. You in or out?
Henry: I don't really know anything about these cases.
Hodges: We'll review.
Henry: I don't know, I have a lot of work to do.
Hodges: And by work, you mean IMing your Icelandic penpal who thinks that you look like Warrick Brown, because that's the picture you posted.
Henry: How?
Hodges: I just know. Archie? You in?
Archie: What the hell? But I gotta leave early. I've got a surfing trip in Santa Barbra this weekend.
Hodges: Miss Mockery?
Mandy: Well, we can't leave the lab. We can't talk to suspects. What exactly does Grissom want us to do?
Hodges: It's not always what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
Henry: That's Thoreau.
Hodges: Oh, is it?
Archie: Okay, professor, and your point would be?
Hodges: The answers lie in these. We're lab techs. We think differently than field guys. They deal with people, we deal with things. Mabye we can't find the killer, but I think we can find the thing that links all four murders. This is an oppertunity. We have one shift to show Grissom what we're made of. Tonight, we could be heroes.
Mandy: All right, all right. I'm in.
Hodges: It's time to think outside the box

Ending Happy [7.21]

Greg:: You know, I kind of feel bad for these girls.
Hodges:: Don't feel too bad. They have health benefits, good pay. The women get regular check-ups. The industry is well-regulated. As opposed to picking a hooker up off the street. Does she have a disease? Multiple diseases? Is she crazy? Is she gonna roll you? Where do you go? Do you do it in your car, behind a building, down a dark alley? So you drive around, scared out of your mind, finally get the nerve up, pick one you like, call her over, she gets in. Next thing you know, you're down on the pavement, cuffed, because she's an undercover cop, but luckily you were three months shy of your eighteenth birthday so when you call your mom to come get you, it doesn't go on my permanent record.
Greg: (momentarily speechless) ... Okay.

Brass:: So the guy in took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?
Dr. Robbins:: Apparently.
Catherine:: And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?
Dr. Robbins:: Whatever comes right before zero.

Leapin' Lizards [7.22]

Preston:: Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain.
Brass:: You know, everytime I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't.

The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix [7.23]

Sara: How much do you think a night like this would cost?
Catherine: Heather told me, five years ago she was clearing twenty grand a week. And that was before LadyHeather.com.
Sara: (after a moment) What is she like?
Catherine: Beautiful, smart, intense…charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom. (Sara starts to look uncomfortable) I mean he kinda liked that forensic anthropologist, Teri Miller, remember her? But, she wasn't enough of a challenge for him. Heather, on the other hand uninhibited and can beat him at mental chess,(more uncomfortable) they had chemistry and he is a scientist. I have no proof and I know he'd never tell me,(more uncomfortable) but I'm certain they spent the night together.(very uncomfortable)

Catherine: S and M is a rich man’s sport. Kinda like hockey, a lot of equipment.

Catherine: (noticing the rope on the floor): Did she have ligature marks?
Brass:: On her neck, yeah.
Catherine: That doesn't make any sense. She's a dominatrix, not a submissive.
Brass: Maybe the party just got out of control.
Catherine: Somebody…didn't know the rules.

Living Doll [7.24]

Gil Grissom: Hey Natalie. My name's Gil. It's so nice to finally meet you. I-um, probably shouldn't say this, but I'm a huge fan. I've been a crime scene investigator for 22 years, and worked over 2,000 homicides, and you are by far... the best I've ever seen. I mean, you're such a great artist. And to be so young, and so talented, and... so pretty. I've thought about you every night for the last nine months. I even tried to do what you do. I built my own miniature.
[Natalie nods her head]
Gil Grissom: You saw it? How'd I do?
[Natalie shrugs]
Gil Grissom: You play chess?
[Natalie shakes her head]
Gil Grissom: I play. It's a hobby. Quiets my mind, you know? Soothes me. At one point I became so consumed by it, that whenever I closed my eyes I could see the chess pieces moving all around the board. I was obsessed with correcting all my bad moves. I wondered if a game could ever be played without a mistake. I'd love to play you sometime. I'm so impressed by the way you embraced your passion. You'd make a great CSI. This last one was brilliant. You studied our crime scene so well, tracking the car to the junkyard, and then towing it all the way out to the desert where you knew we wouldn't find it. And then, the way you killed Sara.
Natalie: [shaking her head] I didn't kill her.
Gil Grissom: You didn't?
[Natalie shakes her head]
Natalie: This is about her. Her, her, her. It's always about her.
Gil Grissom: No, it isn't Natalie. It's about you.
[Natalie cuts him off]
Natalie: It's always about her.
[she takes a blade from her mouth and slashes Grissom's throat and watches as he bleeds. Then in a baby voice]
Natalie: Oh sad was the day for the little bisque doll, for they cut all her stitches away, and found the seat of the terrible ache. T'was a delicate task...
Gil Grissom: [not cut, for it was all in her imagination] Natalie listen to me. Tell me where she is.
Natalie: For none of the doctor's had ever before...
Gil Grissom: Natalie.
Natalie: ...performed on a dolly's inside...
Gil Grissom: Please tell me where Sara is.
Natalie: ...They tried to re-stuff her, but didn't know how, and this was her wail as she died...
Gil Grissom: [yelling] Stop it! Just stop this!
[shaking her]
Gil Grissom: Tell me where Sara is!
Natalie: ...I've got a pain in my sawdust. That's what's the matter with me.
[voice over, over turned car]
Natalie:: Something is wrong on my inside. I'm just as sick as can be. Don't let me faint, someone get a fan.
[a hand clawing at the ground from under the car]
Natalie:: Someone please run for the medicine man. Everyone hurry as fast as you can, 'cause I've got a pain in my sawdust.

Catherine Willows:: Okay... we're in a David Lynch movie. Where's the dwarf?

Gil Grissom:: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick Stokes:: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick Brown:: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine Willows:: I don't know. This just feels different.
Gil Grissom:: It is different.
[flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm]
Gil Grissom:: This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me
[everyone looks confused]

Captain Jim Brass:: I don't want to waste time screwing around with this nut case. I'm going to get some bleach, and drip it on her until she gives up the location. I mean they can't accuse us of police brutality for that.

Gil Grissom:: I found a thriving miniature hobbyist community on-line. Sites where people meet, chat, exchange building tips, list stores they shop in.
Nick Stokes:: [looking at the miniature of Grissom's office] So that's why you built this thing? I mean... other then to creep us all out?

Catherine Willows:: A grown man, sticks his hand up the back of a doll, and speaks like a girl. Sounds healthy.

Gil Grissom:: Somebody likes it cold.
Captain Jim Brass:: Las Vegas in May plus global warming.

Captain Jim Brass:: What's the matter Gil, lost your interest in dead bodies?

Season 8

Dead Doll [8.1]

Grissom: Where is she, Catherine? It's 110 degrees, she's been out here all day, without water, she's disorientated, she's...she's -- dehydrated...
Catherine: She's a survivor.

Sara: Natalie. Natalie Davis. I know who you are. I know alot about you. You make miniatures. I've seen you before, right? You work in the lab, in the cleaning crew. I'm so sorry about hitting you back there. I guess, uh, I have a fear of trunks. In my job, you only find one thing in them. We actually have a lot in common, you know. I was a foster kid, too. Happy happy, joy joy. (Sara laughs) I do know what it's like to be alone, afraid nobody's ever going to be there for you.
Natalie:(whispering) Ernie was.
Sara: Yes, he was. That's true, Natalie. I lost my father too. I know that Ernie loved you. He would not have wanted you to do this.
Natalie:(whispering) Ernie loved me more than Grissom could ever love you.
Sara: Grissom. I know what this is about. Natalie? What did you put in the water? Natalie. Huh? (Sara passes out)

A La Cart [8.2]

Warrick: It's a crowded restaurant, somebody must have seen something.
Brass: Not exactly, welcome to the latest fad, dining in the dark. (presses a remote that makes the room pitch black) The waiters are blind. No one sees anything. Piece of cake, huh?
Catherine: Did he just leave?
Warrick: I think so.
David (anxiously): Guys... I have a dead body here..

Grissom: When did you tell Ecklie we got involved?
Sara: Two years ago. Why, what did you tell him?
Grissom: Nine years ago.
Sara (laughs): The Forensic Academy conference.
Grissom: Yeah. You, uh, had too many questions about anthropology for some reason.
Sara: Well, I was stalling. I was trying to get the nerve to ask you to dinner.
Grissom: You had a ponytail.
Sara: I'm gonna move to swing.
Grissom: We talked about this.
Sara: I know that you said you would do it but I don't wanna do that to the team. Besides, I am sure that I could use more daylight in my life. (long pause) We should go.
Grissom: Yeah.

Ecklie: You've been dodging me, it's time to talk. Gil, nobody wants to hear about your love life less than I do, but since you didn't handle this right, I have to take a formal statement. (Grissom stares at him)It should have been a conversation between friends. I mean, we could find someway around this. Catherine could have done Sara's evaluations. Why didn't you just tell me?
Grissom: We didn't want you to know.
Ecklie: Don't most women like the world to know they are dating someone?
Grissom: Where do you get your information about women, Conrad?
Ecklie (pauses): Okay... so when did you two... you know...
Grissom: Nine years ago.
Ecklie: You know what? You two need to get your stories straight.

Ecklie: Hey, how's the arm?
Sara: Fractured in two places. (Ecklie tries to call Grissom, no answer, so he leaves a message on his phone)
Ecklie: Is it feeling better?
Sara: Yeah.
Ecklie: So, you must know where he is.
Sara: Actually, I don't.
Ecklie: Really? Um... (pauses) Look, I don't wanna play any games here, this is as difficult for me as it is for you. So, let's just get this over with, shall we? Okay, then, this is an adminstrative inquiry. You and your supervisor were in direct violation of lab policies.
Sara: Are.
Ecklie (pauses for a second): Are. In direct violation of lab policies, which states that members of the same forensic team may not engage in a romantic relationship. So, when did you and Supervisor Grissom begin your relationship?
Sara: Well, we've always had a relationship.
Ecklie (pauses, looks uncomfortable): I mean... when did you become intimate?
Sara: Two years ago. I think it was a Sunday.

Nick (talking about go karts) You know, when I was a kid I used to make these things out of lunch trays and old lawn mower engines.
Greg: When I was a kid, I used to make bombs.
Nick: (looks at Greg)
Greg: (holds his fingers up to indicate "small") little bombs.

Go To Hell [8.3]

The Case of the Cross-Dressing Carp [8.4]

Grissom: Oh, I love it when you dress up.
Sara: Well, you know whatever it takes to get some time with you. How's the study going? Any signs of colony-collapse disorder?
Grissom: Nope, so far, it's healthy.
Sara: Nothing too healthy about smoking.
Grissom: Well, the scent confuses the guard bees, they won't emit the pheromone that tells the colony there's an intruder.
Sara: Oh, don't worry, he's harmless. Who's who?
Grissom: These are the workers, infertile females.
Sara: They don't sting?
Grissom: Well, not unless you swat one, close one up in your hand or freak out. Go ahead, take off your glove.
Sara: All right, I trust you.
Grissom: See, it's cool. The worker bees defend the hive, procure the pollen, make the honey, nurture the larvae and pupae in each of these group cells...you know, maybe we should get married.
The bee on her hand stings her:
Grissom: Don't pick it out, makes it worse, releases the venom into the blood stream. It's better to scrape it. So, er, what do you think you know about-
Sara: -Yes. Let's do it.
Grissom: Yeah.
She laughs, they try to kiss but have trouble in the bee suits

The Chick Chop Flick Shop [8.5]

Wendy Simms: I don't have huge breasts. Mine are kind of ... medium.
David Hodges: But perfect ...
(Wendy turns and glares at Hodges.)
Hodges: --ly adequate. Better, in fact.

Who and What [8.6]

Grissom: I'll call in some additional AV techs to help Archie get through the footage, but you know, I've learned that sometimes you can go faster by going slow.
Agent Jack Malone: Yeah, well I like to go faster by going fast. Waiting around isn't really my best thing.
Grissom:: I've gathered that from your interrogation technique. You know, maybe you should go back to your hotel and take a nap.
Agent Jack Malone: [looks around] Is this your office? Really? I mean, by choice? It's not some kind of, uh, surplus overflow issue?
Grissom: What's wrong with my office?
Agent Jack Malone: Oh, I don't know. Uh, [Looks at pig in jar] why don't you tell me. [Puts on glasses for a closer look]
Grissom: That's an irradiated fetal pig. I used it to determine the effects of radiation on tissue.
Agent Jack Malone: For what?
Grissom: For fun.

Goodbye And Good Luck [8.7]

You Kill Me [8.8]

Cockroaches [8.9]

Lying Down With Dogs [8.10]

Bull [8.11]

Grissom's Divine Comedy [8.12]

A Thousand Days On Earth [8.13]

Drops' Out [8.14]

The Theory Of Everything [8.15]

Two and a Half Deaths [8.16]

Stewart Lytle: [Watching Wendy perform an experiment and thinking out loud] Beautiful people...doing high-tech police work. This could be a series.
Nick Stokes: I don't think so.

For Gedda [8.17]

Season 9

For Warrick [9.1]

The Happy Place [9.2]

Art Imitates Life [9.3]

Let It Bleed [9.4]

Leave Out All The Rest [9.5]

Say Uncle [9.6]

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda [9.7]

Young Man With A Horn [9.8]

19 Down [9.9]

One To Go [9.10]

The Grave Shift [9.11]

Disarmed And Dangerous [9.12]

Deep-Fried and Minty-Fresh [9.13]

Miscarriage Of Justice [9.14]

Kill Me If You Can [9.15]

Turn, Turn, Turn [9.16]

No Way Out [9.17]

Mascara [9.18]

The Descent Of Man [9.19]

A Space Oddity [9.20]

If I Had A Hammer....[9.21]

The Gone-Dead Train [9.22]

Hog Heaven [9.23]

All In [9.24]

Season 10

Family Affair [10.1]

Ghost Town [10.2]

Working Stiffs [10.3]

Coup de Grace [10.4]

Blood Sport [10.5]

Death And The Maiden [10.6]

The Lost Girl [10.7]

The Lost Girls [10.8]

Ray: What's a weather girl from Barstow doing turning tricks in Vegas?
Nick: These days, it seems like everybody has a second job.

Lovers' Lane [10.9]

[10.10]

[10.11]

[10.12]

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Citable sentences

Up to date as of December 09, 2010

Here are sentences from other pages on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, which are similar to those in the above article.








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