Callum Guelfi, a man of skill, strategy and halo-based skillage. His full name is Callum Richard Guelfi but has been known to be called Clammy, CaluLord and Caluman. Born on the 6th of September 1990, he has been destined for greatness since a young age. He has and currently lives in Ocean Reef in Joondalup in Perth in Western Australia. He has gone to many schools including Ocean Reef Primary, Lake Joondalup Baptist College and Peter Moyes Anglican Community School, the last of which is where he hopes to spend the rest of his secondary schooling. Me? I am but a lonely traveller of the inter web, leaving the inspiring message to those who will listen about the boy with strong beliefs to dream of a new religion, one of faith, hope, peace and freedom.

Background

Coming from a normal family in Perth, Western Australia, Callum had grown into a two parent family surrounded by an older brother and sister and a younger brother. Given the gift of the patience of a saint due to growing up with an especially annoying little brother. From a very young age he was an adventurous lad who loved the bush, junk and playing sofcross. That is until a tragic sequence of events lead to his social downfall, a sofcross ball to the left eye, trying to be friends with the wrong people (leading to bashings), real estate agents buying the last small piece of suburban bush left and the most horrible something year teacher (so bad no-one dares speak the year nor the name out loud). After his unfortunate gaining of a lazy left eye, a vulnerable and fearful out look on other people, no bush or street friends to play with and the horrible teacher, he gained a most horrific of social diseases... THE SHYING.

With his social outlook at rock bottom he recovered and made it through primary school, with the help of friends like Ben Lloyd, a largish fellow with a heart of gold, lame jokes and violence, Adam Pierce, another shy child with an incredible knack for drawing and music, and Travis Martian, a funny nerdish fellow with a laugh that sounds like a Tommy gun. High school was another story, Callum was left with little friend making skills and self confidence he was left vulnerable to bullying. When he did make friends for the first few weeks, they turned against him in a horrible feat of social alienation and out right cruelty; he became to groups insult dummy. Being thrown into an emoish pit of despair he refused to change schools, scared that if he does it will be worse. Desperate for redemption and Christianity showing no help, he fell deeper in a world of self hatred, self pity and the consideration of suicide. Callums parents, seeing this horrible lifestyle, sought to change his fate of an early death by his own hands and thus enrolled him at Peter Moyes Anglican Community School (PMACS), very nice school with very nice people. Although his social skills were further tarnished by a year and a half of bullying he did however meet three good friends by the name of Chris Dixon, a short child with a taste for wound puss, Ganiv Bhabra, a funny African Australian child with a taste for Swedish chocolate, and James Tomlinson, a racist boy with an insulting joke for everyone of the worlds children. There he had a wonderful stay for the rest of year 9 when Chris left and new, better people entered his life. Year 10 brought many new encounters, enter does Samuel Medley, an odd Jewish fellow with a knack for filmage, and Max Doyle, a twisted Irish child with a twisted mind. Starting off as acquaintances brought to him by Ben Lloyd as offerings of Callum pity and gifts of social acceptance he embraced them with friendship, these were soon to grow to be great friendships. Callum had noticed women before but never had one such as Abby Brogan dazzled him from the start, the moment he saw her beautiful face, although hidden by flowing hair and a camo hat, he was smitten. Wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt and jeans, the moment seemed to go one forever when Callum first saw her walk over the Travis Young and talk to him, as Callum grew to become friends she asked him who he liked and how ironic it should be her, but of course like every other woman she rejected Callum. As the year dragged on dilemmas rang out and the golden moments came and went. It was the first year of Callums happy side of high school.

Thus as time does, the great Year 11 came. During this year Callum friendships grow and prospered and new ones came, Dawid K, a bodyguard out of school and a heart of gold and lead. People came and people went, particularly Abby Brogans leaving which tore Callum up on the inside to see her go, mostly the fact he felt it was him that drove her away. During the year of 2006, many of Callums accomplishes were made. Under the name of GCM (Ganiv, Callum, Max) a book still in progress was crafted with the ingredients of Callum's wit, Max's twisted mind and Ganiv presence contribution it was crafted within these boys’ minds, TAOTSOO was born. Originally standing The Adventures Of The Something Or Other, it was shortened to Taotsoo for the random name, it is a tome of pure madness and randomness written on paper, it follows the ventures of the three Heroes of Uber, Clammy the Clam King, Otterboy the Otter-Boy and Brother G the New Age Pimp in their quest to save their home of Uber from the evil Meddler, although still in progress it lives on in GCM's hearts as it based on them and their friends. Callum has created his own Taotsoo novels called Clammy's Great Journey and Taotsoo: Genesis which both currently lie in his home computer. GCM also created a movie called the Gay (happy) Commemorative Movie resembling their title, it is only a bunch of school filmed skits and gags tied together with jokes and weird stuff. Later in the year while sitting in religious education, Callum Guelfi spawned his new religion, Clamism or Clamology, which a mixture of Christian and Buddhist beliefs, held together by the spirit of the Greater Good. It is about following the laws of nature and the laws of the Greater Good, with the end prize of world peace through faith in Callum 'The Clam Overlord' Guelfi. Although a 3 week old religion it shows promise as one does not need to pay time nor money for their beliefs, as it is more a way of life than a true belief system. With all this happening in the first three terms, who knows what else might the New Year bring? All is waiting on 2006.