Casey Montgomery-Sanchez Bassett (born April 5, 1987), better known as Cbass, is an extremely lazy, unmotivated college student at UMass. He rarely attends class, often citing his miserable health status as the reason for his absence. His daily forays into the world of exercise are limited to Wii golf and climbing the stairs, both of which end with him checking his pulse and wheezing violently. Recently, he has complained of suffering from a bad case of Wii elbow.

Early life

Bassett was conceived accidentally by Lau' and Rich Bassett. It seems that his parents used all of the attractive genes on his hot ass sister. As a young boy, Bassett wore dresses and anally abused the family dog. To this day, he denies ever wearing dresses. One time, Jesse Croiak made him vaseline Brownies. He loved them.

He sprouted his first facial hair at age 2 and throughout elementary school fellow classmates were afraid of the bearded mountain man. Few classmates accepted his offer for mustache rides, but those who did would never forget the supple landscape of his finely groomed upper lip.

Bassett was a pioneer in the sport of soccer. He perfected the toe ball as well as the roll-on-the -ground-and-hope-the-guy-trips defense.

Career

Not likely...

Personal life

Casey usually drinks himself to sleep by 11:00. In the morning, he enjoys 3 hours of Walker, Texas Ranger, occasionally emerging from his cave to ask "Whatcha cookin?". This is surely followed by "Oh, make me some, brew" and a friendly elbow in the ribs. During the day, he sends countless emails to his professors with elaborate stories as to why he cannot grace the class with his bumptious presence. A recent one read, "It's Good Friday and I'm religious."

His volume control needs work to say the least. His phone conversations are overheard by the entire floor while movies are dominated by his earsplitting cackles and generally irrelevant conversation. Actors he would definitely bang: Liam Neeson, Val Kilmer, and the endlessly talented Ashton Kutcher. He also enjoys John Stamos.