Casstoons is the name of a satirical stripcomic,
drawn by
EspanolBot, and written by
Drink, although other writers (such as
Ing,
Justin Carr and
ChthonicSpirit) have
contributed to it. It describes the diverse misadventures of
Cassandra Cain, the third
Batgirl, and Tim Drake, the third
Robin, the vast majority of those dealing
with the recent editorial decision of DC to make Cass evil.
In a
moment of rage following the release of Robin #150, where that
storyline began, Drink and Espanolbot, notorious members of the
Cass Cult, made a
small strip where Cass rips Didio's face off. If you ask almost
anyone, he deserved it.
After this first try, the two members
continued to make strips about that editorial decision, always
giving Cassandra Cain the major role. Soon, the strips diverged to
include other DC characters (and more recently Marvel and Vertigo
ones) and to concentrate on other storylines, not necessarily
linked to Cass and Tim. The two characters, however, always appear
in the strips.
Most characters in the Casstoons are either
parodies or caricatures of their comic versions. For example,
Hal Jordan is
extremely offensive towards women and minorities, and Iron Man is
portrayed with a Martini in hand, a jab at his past as an
alchoholic. Cass her self has committed a series of horrifically
violent murders in her increasing desperation to become 'good'
again.
The Casstoons have also produced a daughter comic of
sorts featuring Booster Gold in addition to Cass, produced entirely
by
HotAndCold, who
usually uses the comic to express her rage at the handling of
Booster in 52.
Casstoons became the most important attraction of
the Cass Cain appreciation thread (on
Superdickery) in a matter of weeks. It has
also been successfully presented to the official DC message boards
and other noteable forums.
Characters and People that have
appeared in the Casstoons, (ordered by significance, than
alphabet)
Cassandra Cain- Most current Batgirl who was
turned evil recently. In a desperate attempt to become good again,
Cass has gone a series of crazy adventures, as portrayed in the
Casstoons. She tends to point out the holes in the logic of comics,
and often seems to be the only rational person around her.
Currently the Pope of the Catholic Church and the Boxing Champion
of the world.Tim
Drake- The current Robin. Often he is an asshole towards Cass,
but despite that, she still hangs out with him and has even let him
live with her when Damian burned all of Tim's things at Wayne
Manor. He is currently involved with Rose Wilson, Cassie Sandsmark,
and Mia Dearden (Despite her HIV infection) Sometimes all at
once.Access- The guardian over the doorway to DC and Marvel.
Access had a vendetta against Cass due to her liberal passage
through the universes.Batman- Ultimate Superhero. Has
Bat-Female-Sidekick-Forgetting and Baby-Kidnapping powers.Beast
Boy- Former Teen Titans who hangs out with the main characters.
Cass often injures him in one way or another.Adam Beechen- The
writer who did the story in which Cass went evil. For his own
safety, he is never shown in the same panel as Cass.Black
Canary- Bird of Prey and Cass's friend.Cthulhu- Think of a tentacle-rape monster with
the Power Cosmic. Cthulhu is a Great Old One who has risen
unopposed. Thus far, he has only eaten some Miskatonic University
students. Death- Goth and guide to recently deceased souls. Has
given Hal and Ollie a free ticket to come back to life after they
groped her since she didn't what to deal with them on a regular
basis.Dream (Daniel)- Death's brother and Cass's English
tutor.Dan DiDio- Whose face is permanately bandaged after an
angry Cass assaulted him, tearing off the skin from his
skullDeadpool- Merc
with the Mouth and Cass's neighbour at her apartment complex. The
two have become friends and often go on adventures together,
whether to another dimension or just down to the Pizza Joint on the
corner.Deathstroke- Incestuous pedophile and leader of
the Titans East.The Devil - AKA Jimmy OlsenBoba Fett- Bounty Hunter and aquaintence of
Cass.Barbara Gordon- Formerly Batgirl, currently
Oracle. Although surly at times (particularly when dressed as a
Dalek), she's Cass's surrogate sister.J. Jonah Jameson- Hot
headed editor. Hated by Spider Jerusalem.Spider Jerusalem-
Futuristic journalist also displaced from time by Cass.Hal
Jordan- The foremost Green Lantern, the Halmeister gets by on his
rugged good looks and his 50's style charm. In reality, he's a
racist Man-Whore who hasn't got with the times. He taught Cass to
punch again after her hands were damaged in a cooking fire. He then
started spreading rumors that he made it with her, for which Lady
Shiva kicked him in the balls hard enough to break his pelvis.
Henchie- Cass's Henchman. Mainly used in menial chores. Despite
Ninja outfit, he's British.Jonah Hex- Western Bounty Hunter
displaced from time by Cass. Road Hogg- A pig/human type thing,
this past character from Cass's series crashed at her place, only
to start living with Supergirl after a backfired rape
attempt.Huntress-
Bird of Prey and Cass's friend. They often drink Tea together and
discuss current events.Iron Man- Drunken Womanizer and advocate
for Superhero registration. Built a robotic geisha version of Cass,
called Lovecass.Bette Kane- Technically a former Batgirl
(Although most won't admit it), Cass repeatedly exacts revenge on
this poor doofus to make herself feel better.Dr. Light- Rapist
who was banished to the Shadow realm by the Shade, then raped by
Supergirl. He then turned himself in after the ironic rape.Love
Cass- A robotic nympho version of Cass in a bikini and an increased
bustline.Miss Martian- Cute new hero who was the object of lust
for the womanizers. Cass protected her with violence and
smarts.Midnighter and Apollo- Comics leading gay couple. Cass
crushes on Midnighter, despite his orientation and marital status.
He gave her one of his leather coats as a gift. Miho- Cass's
Ninja contemporary from Sin City and current champion of
intercompany tournament (Only because Cass didn't compete
though).Nightwing- Former Robin. He is either a manic
depressant or hopelessly emo. No one really bothered to do a proper
diagnosis. No matter how bad you got things, Chances are you're
still better off than Nightwing.Rorschach- HrrrmThe Secret
Six- Consisting of Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Knockout,
and Mad Hatter. Their appearances typically involve strange sexual
practices and hat crimes.The Shade- Cool anti-hero and anti-rape
advocate.Gail
Simone- Unseen, made brief appearance to comfort
Cass.Sinestro- Cass's teacher in EVIL!Skeletor and Evil
Warriors- Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, et. alSpoiler- As a mummified corpse, yet treated as
alive. Dating Superboy.Starfire- not directly involved with Cass or her
friends, but recently cured Nightwing's depression by tying him up
in Wonder Woman's lasso and making violent alien smex to him.
Superboy- As a
presevered severed head. Dating SpoilerSupergirl- A Horrid bitch, Supergirl has
become a serial rapist, and often comes to blows with Cass over
different subjects. Namely, how calling Supergirl a one-dimensional
character is a compliment.Superman- A dick. During a psychotic rampage, Cass
smacked him with a kryptonite hammer.Titans East (Inertia,
Choirboy, Match, Sungirl, Risk and Duella Dent)- Cass's current
Super-team that consists mainly of boneheadsLil' Cassie Wilson-
The hypothetical daughter of Cass and DeadpoolGreen Arrow- Man-Whore and
Commie Pinko extrordinaire. Cass killed him for groping her. The
rest of Team Arrow (Arsenal, Speedy and Connor Hawke): Wards and/or
bastard children of Green Arrow.Damian/Ibn Al Xu'ffacsh- The
bastard son of Batman. Possibly the Anti-Christ.The
Goddamn
Batman- A harder, meaner, drinkinger and Goddamner version of
Batman from the 80's.Superboy Prime- punch-happy lunatic from
another universe.Sin, AKA Cass Jr.- Adopted daughter of Black
Canary, Cass gave Sin a minature Batgirl cowl of her very
own.Lady Shiva- Cass's mumDavid Cain- Cass's dad. Obsessed
with breeding his daughter with eligible bachelors.Jason Todd-
Former Robin/corpse. Cass has twice one-punched him for trying to
usurp the Batgirl role.Wolverine- Semi-omnipotent superhero with
claws.Wondergirl- Teen Titan and one of Tim's
girls.Wonder
Woman- Gets her lasso stolen regularly.Zatanna*- Slept with Hal Jordan as
part of a deal involving a mindwipe, after Hal saw Miss Martian
turn into a naked Green Arrow. Less Significant Characters
Arrowette- Sole Young Justice member and possible bastard
child of Green Arrow.Black Cat*Brain and Monsiour Mallah-
Another gay couple. DC can't seem to point this fact out enough
lately.Cable- Liefeldian character and Deadpool's buddy. Is
pissed off at Wade left the book and started living next to
Cass.The League of Cass Villians- A group of mediocre villians
that Cass faced: Rigor Mortis- A stiffened corpse, Miss Fire- A
near sighted pyrokinetic, and Gelatin Man- The name pretty much
describes him, but he's Scottish.
The Chief- Leader of the Doom
Patrol and all-around asshole. Jesse Custer- Texan Preacher with
the voice of God. Darkseid- New God. Got his hand broke during
Handshake with Cass (Much to her own disbelief).The TG-Verse-
Many Transgendered version of aformentioned characters, such as
Tina for Tim)Elektra*Evil Cass- The version of Cass that
appeared in Robin. Is either wearing a "Lil' Shiva" outfit or a
Batgirl cowl with a monocle and glowing red eyes. While evil, she
isn't particularly bright, despite her percipacity.The Flash- At
least one of them anywayGuy Gardener- Green Lantern and sole
Giffen League member.The Goon*Hellboy*Henchman X- The evil
version of HenchieJosh- ridiculous character Huntress apparently
slept with in Birds of Prey. Decapitated by Cass as a favor to all
women.Alfred Pennyworth- Batman's Butler. So incredibly
English.Ralph Dibny & Dr. Fate helmet- Stretchy hero who's
out of his goddamn mind and helmet of a dead hero who he talks
to.Nina the Kryptonian Ninja- the hypothetical daughter of Cass
and Superboy. For some reason, she speaks Japanese as a primary
language.Goldie- The hyothetical daughter of Cass and Booster
GoldThe Punisher*Kyle Rayner- Green Lantern who keeps getting
women stuck in his fridge.Robotman- Member of the Doom Patrol
and John Byrne hater.Vic Sage- News anchor and Objectivist hero,
the Question. Knows the truth about Aglets.Skeets- Robotic
sidekick and Pimp.Skats- Supposedly Skeets's daughter and
Goldie's sidekick.Thanos- Marvel's version of Darkseid (Or
vice-versa, whichever came first). He also got his hand broken by
Cass.Donna Troy*Maxwell Lord*Leslie Thompkins*- insane
murderer-by-proxy. Willing to perform lobotomies. Various
versions of Cass (Such as a Liefeldian Cass)Captain America-
Supports Anit-drug groups, despite getting his very powers from
drugs.Spider-Man- possibly brainwashed by Tony. Likes
Jell-OAlan Scott- Old Green Lantern. Cass once smacked him with
a tree branch.Raven- Has the misfortune of having Damien Scott
as artist. Acquaintence of Cass.Misty- Goth and Zatanna's
apprentice. She sent Tim to the TG universe after he hit on the
Goths.The ressurected corpse of Blue Beetle- With Band-Aid on
headseveral members of the Scooby-Doo gang- Namely, Freddy and
ShaggyCaptain Nazi* - a nazi. What more needs be said? Joker-
Psychotic clown. Killed the Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker from 'The
Batman'.Hoborastafarmonkey-Joker- Killed by the real
JokerSurge*Dust*Batwoman- She's a lesbian, in case you
didn't hear.Montoya- Lesbian cop.Maggie Sawyer*- Another
Lesbian cop.Holly Robinson*- Lesbian and one of the current
CatwomansObsidian*- Alan Scott's son. He's one of a few gay male
DC characters.Pied Piper*- Former Flash rogue and another of the
few gay males in the DCUGrace Choi*- Outsider and
bi!slut.Thunder* Outsider and (apparently) a lesbian, thanks to
Judd Winick, although having sex with Grace may be the most
interesting thing she's ever done. Lobo- Fraggin' Bastitch who's
Cass's rival for the Pope-hood.Aquaman- Both the regular
"classic" version and the "cool" current versionBat-Mite-
Batman's #1 fan from the 5th dimesion. Is smitten by Cass.Stan
Lee- Oddly enough, was bald in his first appearance, than had hair
in subsequent appearancesHeroes for Hire- Mistaken by Cass for
an S&M club.Rose- As in Dr. Who's sidekickAl from Quantum
Leap'Mystery Guy'- Recurring evil force focussed on destroying
Cass. Turned out to be AccessV- A man of wealth and
taste.X-23- Definite Wolverine clone and possible Cass clone
from Marvel. The two girls were amalgamated by Access.There
is also a standard character model that Espanolbot uses frequently
when a minor character (Such as a doctor or a shopkeep, for
instance) is needed, rather than drawing a new one each time.
*It should be noted that these characters had very minor roles (few
panels, little dialogue) thus far.Link to
Casstoons
http://dcboards.warnerbros.com/web/thread.jspa?threadID=2000076418&tstart=0