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See also Artemas Ward (disambiguation)
Artemus Ward

Charles Farrar Browne (April 26, 1834 – March 6, 1867) was a United States humor writer, better known under his nom de plume, Artemus Ward. At birth, his surname was "Brown." He added the "e" after he became famous.[1]



Browne was born in Waterford, Maine. He began life as a compositor and occasional contributor to the daily and weekly journals. In 1858, he published in the Cleveland Plain Dealer the first of the "Artemus Ward" series, which, in a collected form, achieved great popularity in both America and England. In 1860, he became editor of Vanity Fair, a humorous New York weekly, which proved a failure. About the same time, he began to appear as a lecturer and, by his droll and eccentric humor, attracted large audiences.

"Artemus Ward" was the favorite author of U.S. President Abraham Lincoln. Before presenting "The Emancipation Proclamation" to his Cabinet, Lincoln read to them the latest episode, "Outrage in Utiky", also known as High-Handed Outrage at Utica.

Ward is also said to have inspired Mark Twain when Ward performed in Virginia City, Nevada. Legend has it that, following Ward's stage performance, he, Mark Twain, and Dan De Quille were taking a drunken rooftop tour of Virginia City until a town constable threatened to blast all three of them with a shotgun loaded with rock salt.

In 1866, Ward visited England, where he became exceedingly popular both as a lecturer and as a contributor to Punch. In the spring of the following year, Ward's health gave way and he died of tuberculosis at Southampton on March 6, 1867.

After initially being buried at Kensal Green Cemetery, Ward's remains were removed to the United States on May 20, 1868.


  • A Visit to Brigham Young
  • Women's Rights
  • One of Mr Ward's Business Letters
  • On "Forts"
  • Fourth of July Oration
  • High-Handed Outrage at Utica
  • Artemus Ward and the Prince of Wales
  • Interview with Lincoln
  • Letters to his Wife

External links


  1. ^ Maine League of Historical Societies and Museums (1970). Doris A. Isaacson. ed. Maine: A Guide 'Down East'. Rockland, Me: Courier-Gazette, Inc.. pp. 400–401. 


Up to date as of January 14, 2010
(Redirected to Artemus Ward article)

From Wikiquote

Artemus Ward was the nom de plume of Charles Farrar Browne, (April 23, 1834 - March 6, 1867), an American humorous writer.



  • I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.
    • Fourth of July Oration.
  • The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop over. G. Washington never slopt over.
    • Fourth of July Oration.
  • I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.
  • Did you ever have the measels, and if so, how many?
    • Artemus Ward, His Travels, The Census.
  • The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.
    • London Punch Letters, No. 5 (1866).
  • Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?
    • Moses, the Sassy.
  • He is dreadfully married. "He's the most married man I ever saw in my life."
    • Moses, the Sassy.
  • Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.
    • Natural History.
  • The sun has a right to "set" where it wants to, and so, I may add, has a hen.
    • A Mormon Romance, ch. 4.
  • They cherish his mem'ry, and them as sell picturs of his birthplace, etc., make it prof'tible cherishin' it.
    • At the Tomb of Shakespeare.

Artemus Ward, His Book (1862)

  • I now bid you a welcome adoo.
    • The Shakers.
  • ...their eyes sparkled like diminds, their cheeks was like roses, and they was charmin enuff to make a man throw stuns at his granmother, if they axed him to.
    • The Shakers.
  • My pollertics, like my religion, being of an exceedin' accommodatin' character.
    • The Crisis.
  • The fack can't be no longer disgised that a Krysis is onto us.
    • The Crisis.
  • N.B. This is rote sarcastikul.
    • A Visit to Brigham Young.
  • The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste.
    • Woman's Rights.


  • I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
  • My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.
  • The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don't die at all - he sort of rots away, like a pollywog's tail.
  • They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.
  • Why don't you show us a statesman who can rise up to the emergency, and cave in the emergency's head?
  • It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble, it's the things we do know that just ain't so.

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