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Charmed
Genre	Supernatural Fantasy Drama Horror Comedy
Format	Serial drama
Created by	Constance M. Burge
Directed by	James L. Conway Mel Damski and others
Starring	Holly Marie Combs Alyssa Milano Rose McGowan Shannen Doherty Brian Krause Dorian Gregory Julian McMahon see below
Opening theme	"How Soon Is Now?" by Love Spit Love
Composer(s)	J. Peter Robinson and others
Country of origin	United States
Language(s)	English
No. of seasons	8
No. of episodes	178 (List of episodes)
Production
Executive producer(s)	Brad Kern Constance M. Burge Aaron Spelling E. Duke Vincent
Location(s)	Los Angeles
Camera setup	Panavision
Running time	40–45 minutes
Production company(s)	Spelling Television Paramount Pictures
Broadcast
Original channel	The WB
Audio format	Dolby Digital
Original run	October 7, 1998 (1998-10-07) – May 21, 2006 (2006-05-21)
External links
Official website

Charmed is an American television series that originally aired from October 7, 1998, until May 21, 2006, on The WB Television Network(currently The CW).^[1] The series was created in 1998 by writer Constance M. Burge and was produced by Aaron Spelling and his Spelling Television company, with the show runner being writer-director Brad Kern. The series narrative follows the four Halliwell sisters, Prue, Piper, Phoebe and, later, Paige, the culmination of the long Warren line of powerful, good witches. The sisters, despite being perceived as normal by the non-supernatural community, are known as The Charmed Ones in the magical community, whose prophesied destiny is to battle against evil beings, such as demons and warlocks, to protect innocent lives from being endangered. Each sister possesses unique magical powers that grow and evolve, while they attempt to hold normal working lives in San Francisco. Keeping their paranormal identities separate and secret from their ordinary lives forms part of the series' tension and challenges, with the exposure of magic having far-reaching consequences on relationships, and having resulted in a number of police and FBI investigations throughout the series.

The first episode, "Something Wicca This Way Comes", garnered 7.70 million viewers, breaking the record for the highest rated debut for the Warner Brothers Network.^[2] In January 2006, producer Brad Kern declared that Charmed was the longest running hour-long series featuring all female leads (Murder She Wrote having only a singular lead, and The Facts of Life being a 30 minute sitcom).^[3] The series finale, "Forever Charmed", ended with a season high of 4.49 million viewers.^[4]

Contents 1 Production 1.1 Development 1.2 Executive producers 1.3 Writing and format 1.4 Logo and symbols 1.5 Music 2 Plot synopsis 3 Characters 3.1 Main protagonists 3.2 Supporting 3.3 Recurring 3.3.1 Notes 3.4 Guest artists 3.5 Guest stars 3.6 Timetable of principal cast 4 Episodes 5 Reception 5.1 Critical reception 5.2 American ratings 5.3 Awards and accolades 6 Distribution 6.1 Multimedia 6.1.1 Online 6.1.2 International syndication 7 Spin-offs 7.1 Mermaid 8 References 9 External links

Production

Development

In 1998, the Warner Brothers Television Network began searching for a drama series, and looked to Spelling Television, which had produced the network's most successful series 7th Heaven, to create it. Expanding on the popularity of supernatural themed dramas, the production company explored forms of mythology to find mythological characters they could realize with contemporary storytelling.^[5] In order to create the series, Burge was hired as the creator as she was under contract with Spelling Television after conceiving the drama Savannah.^[5] When the theme of witchcraft was first pitched to her, she was aware of stereotypes of witches (flying brooms, black cats, and warts). After Wicca research, she changed her perspective^[6] and aimed at telling a story of good witches who looked and acted like ordinary people. With this, her initial concept was a series set in Boston, Massachusetts^[6] about three friends and roommates who were all witches.^[5] However, executive producer E. Duke Vincent lacked confidence, asking "Why would anybody want to watch a show about three witches?" He proposed that the series focus on family values and developed the series-long mantra of it being about "three sisters who happen to be witches, not three witches who happen to be sisters." Spelling warmed to Burge's ideas and, after the concept was re-crafted to be a series about three sisters (now living in San Francisco) descended from a line of witches,^[6] it was pitched to the Warner Brothers's Susanne Daniels, who liked it, allowing the series to begin development.^[5]

Shannen Doherty, having worked with Spelling on Beverly Hills 90210, auditioned for the role of Piper Halliwell but won the role of Prue Halliwell. After the third season, Doherty left the series. As of January 30, 2010 it is still unclear whether she left the series because of differences with executive producer Brad Kern or Alyssa Milano, wanting to branch out to new things, or was fired.

Doherty's best friend, Holly Marie Combs, known as Kimberly Brock from the series Picket Fences, became interested in the script and won the role of middle sister Piper Halliwell, although she auditioned for the role of Prue Halliwell.

The series was titled Charmed after Spelling's suggestion of House of Sisters was dropped, and the three lead roles were cast to Doherty, Combs, and Lori Rom. Burge wrote the pilot's script. They filmed a 28-minute version (the "unaired pilot", never aired on network television) with which the series was picked up by the WB. The majority of the pilot had to be re-filmed after Rom quit and Alyssa Milano took her role.

Upon its debut, Charmed received the largest audience for a series premiere in the network’s history.^[2] The first season of twenty-two episodes was picked up by Warner Brothers after two shows aired.

Executive producers

The two executive producers from Spelling Television were its creator Spelling, and Vincent, who maintained their roles until the series ended. Burge became an executive producer when she was hired to create the series and write the pilot. After the short "unaired pilot" was shown to the WB, and the series was picked up by the network, Kern was recruited as the fourth executive producer and as the show runner in order to decipher how the series would develop over the course of its run. While Kern remained with the show until its end, between the second and third seasons, Burge was not an executive producer. She remained as executive consultant until the end of season four when she left Charmed.^[7]

Writing and format

Scripting was done by a large number of writers. Kern did the most writing with a total of 26 episodes, as well as directing one of them. The writers with the most writing credits other than Kern include:^[8] Daniel Cerone, Curtis Kheel, Zack Estrin, Chris Levinson, Krista Vernoff, Sheryl J. Anderson, Monica Breen, Alison Schapker, Cameron Litvack, and Jeannine Renshaw. Burge wrote seven episodes for the first and second seasons before leaving her position as executive producer.

Scripting was carried out after group brainstorms took place, discussing the events of the episodes, the emotions of the characters, and the mythology involved. Robert Masello, an executive story editor for the series, credits himself as the only demonologist hired for a series, in order to add his experience to the storyline.^[9]

“

Charmed is the only show that has a licensed fully bonded demonologist, which is me, on staff and as a result because I've written books about demonology and the occult of witchcraft, I'm there to answer questions about how a demon would behave.

”

However, as Combs revealed in The Women of Charmed documentary, the series aimed at following a mythology created by fantasy, and not adhering to Wiccan rules too closely, for fear of coming under criticism for either not being "technically correct enough", or missing the truth completely.^[9]

Between the second and the third season, Burge left, leaving her former position to executive producer Kern. Burge remained as creative consultant until season four.^[7] Burge's departure resulted in changes in the story structure of the show, from a "demon of the week" system to using third- or half- season-long story arcs. In addition, more importance is given to the protagonists' personal lives.

The serial connection of episodes culminated in the second half of season four. Despite the ratings increasing during season four's final story arc from 4.19 to 4.21, Warner Brothers asked Kern to abandon the serial system. This led to the largely episodic structure of season five, and resulted in the two systems being balanced from the sixth season onwards.

Logo and symbols

During the show's run, the Warner Brothers Television Network used two official logos to represent the series. The first was used during the first and second seasons and featured the name Charmed underlined and with a triple-aspect symbol above it. The second logo was introduced at the start of the third season and remained until the series ended. It was written in a different font and is still underlined and sometimes featured a triquetra above the name. This logo was designed by Margo Chase. Although the second logo replaced the first in all promotional material by the Warner Brothers, such as posters and television adverts, the first remained to be used on official merchandise after the third season, including on the covers of the novel series, the DVDs and the official Charmed magazine.

Music

Charmed shares the theme song "How Soon Is Now?" with the 1996 Columbia Pictures feature film, The Craft, appearing under the opening credits in a cover by Psychedelic Furs frontman Richard Butler's hiatus band, Love Spit Love. The song was originally popularized by The Smiths. Unusually, the series has had three different end title themes (by Tim Truman, J. Peter Robinson and Jay Gruska), with the theme used dependent on the tone of the episode. In stripped (daily) reruns on US cable tier TNT, "How Soon Is Now?" appears in a 5-second abbreviated 'tag' form to accommodate additional advertising; no music appears under closing credits as they are 'stacked' under an ad or over the succeeding show's opening tag.

The song appeared on the soundtrack album TV Themes: Popular Favorites, released by the St. Clair record label on September 6, 2005,^[10] as well as its follow-up TV Themes: Sex and the City and Other Favorites, on August 30, 2005.^[11] It also appeared on Your Favorite Television Themes, released by Artemis Strategic on June 7, 2005.^[12] The song always appeared on the compilations in its full-length version of 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

The song's license expired before the Season 8 DVDs went into production. After efforts to get it back for the Region 1 release failed, it was replaced by a generic hard-rock instrumental theme.

Plot synopsis

In the beginning, Charmed told the story of Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell; three sisters who discover their family descended from witches and their identity as 'The Charmed Ones' the most powerful good witches known to the magical world. After the death of their grandmother the three sisters move back into their family home (Halliwell Manor) and discover the Book of Shadows and their destiny to protect innocents and the world from demons and warlocks. Each sister gained a special power along with the ability to cast spells and brew potions; Prue, the eldest, had the power of telekinesis – the ability to move objects with her mind. This later evolved to the point of being able to astral project, or move her astral form outside of her body. Piper, the middle sister, has the power to affect molecules, at first to slow them down, effectively “freezing” people/objects. As she grows more proficient, she can freeze only certain people or only certain objects or body parts as she wishes. Her powers grow to being able to speed up molecules as well, to the point of making the molecules move so fast that they explode. Phoebe, the youngest, possesses “inactive” powers: the power of premonition, which evolves into being able to receive visions of both the future and the past, levitation, and later empathy (the ability to both sense and tap into others' emotions).

The show's major focus was on the lives of the three women and on their bond as sisters; their love for each other formed 'The Power of Three' as it was this connection that made them so strong. When Prue is killed in the Season 3 finale, Piper and Phoebe discover that they have a hidden half-sister, Paige Matthews, who is the daughter of their mother and her Whitelighter. Paige's Whitelighter blood mixes with her witchcraft heritage to give her a form of telekinesis, though she has to verbally call for objects to “orb” them where she wants them. As she learns to control the dual sides of her ancestry, Paige also learns how to heal people at will, to orb herself and others (the Whitelighter form of teleportation), and eventually she receives her own charges to train and protect as they learn witchcraft.

During the first two seasons the sisters would face various demons week to week but as the show progressed they learnt of the demonic heirarchy and of Source of All Evil. The Source is discovered to be behind all the attacks on the sisters and becomes the main villian during Season 4 until he is finally vanquished. After this a season long storyline was introduced and an evil being/opponent along with it.

On top of the supernatural issues in Charmed, the characters had to contend with serious issues in the day-to-day world of the mortals, such as relationships, careers, marriage, childbirth, illness and the deaths of their loved ones. The sisters also had to fight to prevent the exposure of the existence of magic to the community at large, contending with several police and FBI investigations.

Characters

The Charmed Ones
First appearance:       "Something Wicca This Way Comes"
Last appearance:       "Forever Charmed"
Created by:	Constance M. Burge
Statistics
Full name:	The Charmed Ones Current members: Piper Halliwell Phoebe Halliwell Paige Matthews Deceased members: Prudence Halliwell
Species:	Witches
Affiliation:	Warren line of witches, Leo Wyatt, The Elders
Notable family:	Parents: Patricia Halliwell, Victor Bennett1, and Sam Wilder2 Maternal Grandparents: Penelope Halliwell and Allen Halliwell Children: see list of Charmed characters 1 Father of Halliwells 2 Father of Paige Matthews
Notable powers:	Aside from the basic powers of a magical witch, such as spell-casting and scrying, The Charmed Ones possess the gifts of: The Power of Three an inherited power of Melinda Warren (telekinesis, molecular immobilisation, or clairvoyance)
Portrayed by:	Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan, Shannen Doherty (adults)

Main protagonists

• Prudence "Prue" Halliwell – (Shannen Doherty) (Seasons 1–3) 67 episodes

Born October 28, 1970, Prue is the eldest sister. Born with telekinesis, she handles her power so well that she is often referred to as the "super-witch". She is strong-willed, feisty and intelligent, so she often takes charge of situations and has always been overprotective of her two sisters, Piper and Phoebe. Having spent her childhood taking care of her two younger sisters after the death of their mother, she feels responsible for them and shows a fierce determination at whatever she does, including fighting demons. This sense of responsibility occasionally leads to clashes with the more free-willed Phoebe, but the two grow closer as the series progresses. Though at times Prue lets pride dictate how she handles things, she never lets her personal life interfere with her work life. On May 17, 2001, three years into the craft, she is killed by Shax, a powerful demonic assassin sent by the Source of All Evil. While in the episode "Death Takes a Halliwell" the Angel of Death foreshadows Prue's death, the season-three finale, "All Hell Breaks Loose", remains as a cliffhanger. Prue's death is not established until the premiere episode of the fourth season, "Charmed Again", in which we begin the season with an anguished Piper trying to resurrect her spirit. Instead, the sisters' Gram appears, telling her that Prue is safe and with their mother and that seeing her now would only hurt her chances at accepting that Prue was not going to come back. It is explained that (in the previous season's finale) before Tempus the demon reset time, Prue and Piper were both attacked by Shax and left near death. After Tempus turned back the clock, Phoebe was caught in the underworld and unable to intervene. She had been forced to the side of evil by The Source in exchange for Tempus' services. So unlike the first time, when Leo had arrived with barely enough time to save both of them, this time he rescued his wife, Piper, but was unable to save Prue. Doherty never appears as Prue again, not even in family photos. In the fifth season episode "Cat House", during the "flashbacks" that the girls visit, only her back is shown, and also she is seen as a dog, when she was transformed in Season 3. Even in the afterlife, Prue is said to still help her sisters; it is suggested that she sometimes turns the pages of the Book of Shadows. In the season seven finale, Prue's influence is seen when her astral projection power is summoned via a spell by the sisters, which allows them to finally defeat Zanku,^[13] after which Piper says, "Thank you, Prue" when the power's effect has ended. Also, in the later seasons Prue's telekinetic 'jingle' can be heard whenever the front door of the manor closes by itself. The jingle sounds the same way it was heard when Prue herself would close the door with a wave of her finger in the first and second seasons.

• Piper Halliwell – (Holly Marie Combs) (Seasons 1–8) 179 episodes

Born August 7, 1973, Piper is the middle child. Upon Prue's death, she assumes the role as the eldest. Her powers include the ability to freeze time, temporarily suspending objects, enemies and movement. At first, her powers were limited to the room or area she was currently in, but as the series progressed, her mastery over the power grew to much higher levels, allowing her to freeze and unfreeze specific parts of a person's body and on a much larger scale. Just as Piper was unable to freeze other good witches at first, by the end of the series she had gained the ability to do so, using her freezing power to stop Billie. Later, Piper's power grew to allow her to blow up objects at will (through molecular combustion) by rapidly speeding up the movement of atoms instead of slowing them to a stop, causing their molecular bonds to separate from one another, usually killing low level demons in one blast and often creating an accompanying fiery explosion. Although initially afraid to use this new and highly destructive power for fear of hurting someone, she eventually becomes skilled enough in the use of her new power to attack and injure enemies without making them explode if she chose, or to cause only a small break in an object's structural integrity, causing it to fall apart or crack without being completely combusted. Piper is the most concerned with having a normal life of the three, and always has reservations about her life as a Charmed One. When she becomes a Charmed One, she is quiet and reserved, often having to mediate between Prue and Phoebe. As the show progresses, she gains a stronger persona and takes more authority after Prue dies. She eventually becomes the mother of two sons Wyatt and Chris, with her husband Leo Wyatt, and goes to great lengths to protect her children, as Wyatt is believed to be the chosen child and many demons, warlocks and witches are after him. In the series finale, the final montage shows her with a daughter and later a granddaughter.^[14] Piper's love of food steers her to a culinary career, which leads her to open her own club, and as revealed in the last episode, her own restaurant. She is the best potion-maker among the Charmed Ones, an outgrowth of her abilities as a cook. Throughout the series (4–8) Piper is shown to be the most powerful charmed one and easily one of the most powerful witches in general. Holly Marie Combs, portraying Piper, is the only cast member who appears in every episode of Charmed, including the original unaired pilot.

• Phoebe Halliwell – (Alyssa Milano) (Seasons 1–8) 178 episodes

Phoebe, born November 2, 1975 is the baby of the family and is a spontaneous, free-spirited young woman. She was born with the power of premonition, which enabled her to see into the past as well as the future, usually locating a demon in need of vanquishing or an innocent in need of saving. Her powers often served as the catalyst for that episode's mission. Her premonitions can usually only be accessed by making physical contact with an item or person that is somehow linked to the vision she experiences. Later, this ability allows her to project herself into the future and the past, which gives her a much more in-depth look at what is to come or what has already happened. Finally, after desiring for a long time that her powers would evolve and she would possess an "active power" (unlike the involuntary nature of her premonitions), Phoebe gains the power of levitation, which she often combines with her proficient martial arts skills. Later, she also gains the power of empathy, which allows her not only to feel the emotions of others, but also to copy the powers of someone attacking her (since the Charmed Ones' powers are directly linked to the emotions of those who use them). Then later, Phoebe loses access to all of her active powers (she keeps only her ability to cast Power of Three spells and make potions), because she misused her abilities for personal gain. She later regains the power of premonition, but her levitation ability is never seen used again. She is a romantic, and becomes a successful columnist and author. Early on, she often had a turbulent relationship with her older sister, Prue. Then after Prue's death, she is forced to take on the "middle-sister" role and to mediate between Piper and Paige. Her longest relationships are with Cole Turner, which lasted over 2 years and produced a son, but The Seer steals their son (to her own demise), and with Coop, a Cupid. In 2006, the Angel of Destiny marries Phoebe and Coop, as seen in the series finale, and they eventually have three daughters. She continues to work at the Bay Mirror and writes a book on finding love.

When the property was given a green light to go to series, actress Rom (from the pilot) was unavailable. Producer Aaron Spelling called Milano, fresh from her short-term guest appearance on Melrose Place, to fill the role. Major portions of the first episode were re-shot, some scenes rewritten and new scenes added to create a full one-hour debut episode titled "Something Wicca This Way Comes". Phoebe has been told by some demons (like the Source) that she was the weakest Charmed One, because her powers were the weakest of the four sisters. She is also the best at writing and casting spells. Alyssa Milano is one of two main cast members (along with Holly Marie Combs) to have appeared in all of the aired episodes.

• Paige Matthews – (Rose McGowan) (Seasons 4–8) 112 episodes

Born on August 2, 1977, Paige is the youngest of the four and is the half-sister of Piper, Prue and Phoebe. Paige was adopted and raised by the kind Matthews family. After a secret love affair with her Whitelighter, Samuel Wilder, the Charmed Ones' mother, Patty Halliwell, gave birth to a fourth daughter. In fear of their daughter's safety and the legacy of the other sisters, the fourth daughter was orbed to a church and entrusted to the arms of a nun named Sister Agnes. She was told that the baby would be in great danger otherwise, and to be sure the baby's name begins with a "P". Sister Agnes, later in "Charmed Again (Part 2)", described what had happened to a troubled Paige, who was investigating her origin while being manipulated by the Source of All Evil. The nun told Paige she had come from "angels", because she had witnessed the parents appear in an orbing of lights. As a baby, Paige was adopted by the Matthews family, and she grew up as an only child unaware of her magical roots. While in school, Paige often got into trouble. Her adopting parents died in a car accident with Paige in the car. However, she closed her eyes and orbed out, which saved herself but not her parents. Paige had no memory of how she had survived, and she found out that she had orbed out of the car in the Season 4 episode "A Paige from the Past". Her personality is bold and vibrant, adding a new dynamic to the show from Season 4 onwards. Paige comes into the craft quickly, and aids in the vanquish of The Source of All Evil. She is driven to become a "full-time witch" and has a hard time finding a career. After the death of Gideon, Paige begs the Elders to keep Magic School open. They agree only if Paige becomes the headmistress and runs the school to guarantee the students' safety. Eventually, she resigns and hands the role over to her brother-in-law Leo Wyatt. Paige marries mortal parole officer Henry Mitchell, and they have twin daughters and a son, Henry Jr.

Supporting

• Leo Wyatt – (Brian Krause) (Recurring Seasons 1 and 2; Regular 2–8) 154 episodes

Leo Wyatt is the sisters' Whitelighter in the beginning, and soon becomes romantically involved with Piper but due to the fact that he is a Whitelighter and Piper a witch, their relationship is rocky. Leo's magical promotions provide the show's portrayal of a supernatural ladder of success and struggle between career and family. His relationship with Piper is the first of many conflicts between the Halliwells and the Elders. He becomes the husband of Piper. In the later series Leo becomes an Avatar until he is made human again.

• Andy Trudeau – (Ted King) (Season 1) 21 episodes

Trudeau is the sisters' childhood friend and Prue's love interest for years. In the episode "that 70s episode" a young Piper uses her powers to freeze a young Trudeau. He serves as the sisters' initial connection to the police force once he learns of the girls' activities, as well as the first conflict between the girls' secret and normal lives. The demon Rodriguez kills Trudeau while he is trying to protect the girls in the finale of season one. Two years later, in the finale of season 3, Prue is killed by the demon Shax, and is assumingly reunited with Andy. In the unaired pilot, this character was portrayed by actor Chris Boyd.^[15]

• Darryl Morris – (Dorian Gregory) (Seasons 1–7) 71 episodes

Morris was Trudeau's partner in Season 1 and takes over the role as the Halliwells' police connection after Trudeau's tragic death. He continues to cover up for the sisters once he learns their secret, even after the events which lead to him almost being executed through a lethal injection, if reluctantly, until his wife later forces him to move to the east coast. After almost being executed, he angrily lets it be known he wants nothing more do do with the Halliwells and refuses to talk to them, answer calls or help them get police files. However, he finds out the Charmed Ones were willing to give up their powers to save him and realizing how much good the sisters do for the community, Morris forgives them and he still considers them family.

• Cole Turner – (Julian McMahon) (Seasons 3–5, Guest 7) 57 episodes

Turner is Phoebe's first husband; he is a half-demon, creating situations over which the sisters clash. He is originally a powerful villain, later taking other forms and roles throughout his character's history including the Source of all evil. After his final vanquish at the hands of the sisters, he continues to watch over Phoebe, silently and unseen.

• Dan Gordon – (Greg Vaughan) (Season 2) 18 episodes

Dan moves into the house next door with his niece, Jenny, and instantly falls in love with Piper. They date for a time. However, as much as Piper wants a normal relationship, Dan cannot take the place of Piper's first love, Leo. He later moves away, at the end of season two.

• Jenny Gordon – (Karis Paige Bryant) (Season 2) 4 episodes

Jenny is Dan's niece. Jenny disappeared in episode 9, Ms. Hellfire, where Dan said that Jenny returned to her parents.

• Christopher Perry "Chris" Halliwell – (Drew Fuller) (Guest Season 5, Regular Season 6, Recurring 7–8)

Chris is Piper and Leo's unborn second son. He came from the future to help defeat the Titans and save his elder brother Wyatt from turning evil. Originally using the alias Chris Perry, he served as the Charmed Ones' Whitelighter for most of Season 6 after Leo was promoted to Elder. Phoebe finds out Chris is actually Leo and Piper's younger son in The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell. His adult form dies at the hands of Gideon just before he is born. He later reappears twice, once in Someone to Witch Over Me and again in the series finale.

• Billie Jenkins – (Kaley Cuoco) (Season 8)

Billie is Paige's charge, and a student of the sisters for most of the show's final season, helping them to maintain their normal lives. At first overconfident in her abilities, her talents eventually rival those of the sisters. She spent most of the season trying to find her elder sister Christy, who had been kidnapped 15 years ago by demons. She doesn't know, however, that Christy has been turned evil under the demons' influence. After Christy briefly sways her to betray the Halliwells, Billie eventually sides with them in the series finale and is forced to kill her sister in self-defense. Billie is last seen watching over Phoebe's 2 older children when she goes in to labor with her 3rd child.

Recurring

• Penelope "Penny" Halliwell – (Jennifer Rhodes) The sisters' grandmother.
• Patricia "Patty" Halliwell – (Finola Hughes – Seasons 1–5, 7–8) The sisters' mother.
• Victor Bennett – (James Read – Seasons 3–8^a) The Halliwell sisters' father.
• Samuel Wilder – (Scott Jaeck – Seasons 2, 5 & 8) Paige's father and Patty's whitelighter.
• Bob Cowan – (David Reivers – Seasons 4–5) Paige's boss.
• Glen Belland – (Jesse Woodrow – Seasons 4–5) Paige's best-friend.
• Elise Rothman / Aunt Jackie^b – (Rebecca Balding – Seasons 1, 4–8) Phoebe's friend and boss.
• Sophie – (Amanda Sickler – Seasons 5–8) Phoebe's assistant and friend.
• Sheila Morris – (Sandra Prosper – Seasons 5–7) Darryl's wife.
• Jason Dean – (Eric Dane – Seasons 5–6) Phoebe's former romantic interest.
• Little Wyatt Halliwell – (Jason & Kristopher Simmons – Seasons 5–8^c) Piper's elder son.
• Older Wyatt Halliwell – (Wes Ramsey – Seasons 6–8) Piper's elder son from the future.
• Little Chris Halliwell (Season 6, guest seasons 7 and 8) Piper's younger son.
• Inspector Sheridan – (Jenya Lano – Seasons 6–7) Darryl's partner.
• Henry Mitchell – (Ivan Sergei – Season 8) Paige's husband

Notes

^a  Actor Anthony Denison originally played the Halliwells' father in the first season episode "Thank You for Not Morphing" in which he was named Victor Halliwell. This was later retconned by the end of the first season when, in "That 70's Episode", it is stated that Halliwell is Patricia's maiden name. Victor's surname was changed to Jones in the second season episode "Pardon My Past" (where it is listed in a family tree) and then finally to Bennett, in season three, when James Read assumed the role.

^b  Rebecca Balding had a guest role in the first season episode "The Fourth Sister" in which she played a woman named Jackie. The actress later returned in the fourth season as a new character, Elise Rothman, Phoebe's boss at The Bay Mirror.

^c  The Simmons twins were only officially credited in one season seven episode, "Imaginary Fiends", and from the eighth season episode "12 Angry Zen" onwards.

Guest artists

Many popular artists have guest-starred on the show, the majority playing at Piper's nightclub, "P3", which was introduced in the second season.

Dishwalla The Cranberries Janice Robinson Goo Goo Dolls Paula Cole Barenaked Ladies Paul Van Dyk Snake River Conspiracy Marvelous 3

Idol Fastball (band) Orgy (band) Dave Navarro Rebekah Ryan The Flaming Lips Michelle Branch Beth Orton Pat Benatar

Smash Mouth Loudermilk Steadman Ziggy Marley Andy Stochansky The Donnas Collective Soul Liz Phair

Guest stars

Many famous or soon-to-be-famous actors have had guest spots on episodes of Charmed.

These include Janice Dickinson Agim Kaba, Amy Adams, Tobin Bell, Zachary Quinto, Ashley Tisdale, David Carradine, Billy Zane, Oded Fehr, Michael Weatherly, Kenny Scarle, Bethany Joy Galeotti, Dax Griffin, Kathryn Joosten, Cheryl Ladd, Bruce Campbell, Eric Dane, Charisma Carpenter, Kerr Smith, Robert Englund, Scout Taylor-Compton, Coolio, Melissa George, Marisol Nichols, John Cho, Nick Lachey, Jenny McCarthy, Antonio Sabato Jr., Ron Perlman, Misha Collins, Rachelle Lefevre, Greg Estle, Christina Milian, Stephanie Beacham

Timetable of principal cast

Main and supporting characters

Main or supporting character	Season
	Season 1	Season 2	Season 3	Season 4	Season 5	Season 6	Season 7	Season 8
Piper Halliwell	Holly Marie Combs
Phoebe Halliwell	Alyssa Milano
Paige Matthews				Rose McGowan
Prudence Halliwell	Shannen Doherty
Leo Wyatt	Brian Krause
Lt. Darryl Morris	Dorian Gregory
Cole Turner			Julian McMahon				McMahon
Christopher Halliwell					Drew Fuller
Andy Trudeau	T.W. King
Dan Gordon		G. Vaughan
Jenny Gordon		K.P. Bryant
Billie Jenkins								K. Cuoco

Notes:

• Julian McMahon guest stars in one episode ("The Seven Year Witch") in the seventh season
• Drew Fuller guest stars in two episodes in the fifth season ("Oh My Goddess, Parts I & II"), one in the seventh ("Someone to Witch Over Me") and one in the eighth ("Forever Charmed")
• Karis Paige Bryant only starred in four episodes of season two.

Recurring characters over multiple seasons

Recurring character	Season
	Season 1	Season 2	Season 3	Season 4	Season 5	Season 6	Season 7	Season 8
Penelope Halliwell	Jennifer Rhodes
Patricia Halliwell	Finola Hughes						Hughes
Victor Bennett	A. Denison		James Read
Melinda Warren	T. Layton		child actor
Samuel Wilder		S. Jaeck			Jaeck			Jaeck
Bob Cowan				David Reivers
Glen Belland				Jesse Woodrow				—
Elise Rothman				Rebecca Balding
Sophie					Amanda Sickler
Sheila Morris					Sandra Prosper
Jason Dean					Eric Dane
Little Wyatt Halliwell						Jason and Kristopher Simmons
Older Wyatt Halliwell						Wes Ramsey
Inspector Sheridan						Jenya Lano

Notes:

• This table excludes recurring supernatural villains, Elders, Avatars, or other minor magical beings
• Anthony Denison portrayed the Halliwells' father, "Victor Halliwell", in one episode of the first season ("Thank You for Not Morphing"). His character was later retconned to Victor Bennett and was played by James Read from the third season onwards
• Rebecca Balding originally portrayed Jackie (the aunt of an "innocent") in the first season ("The Fourth Sister"). She was later recast as Elise in the fourth season
• The character of Glen appeared off-screen during the eighth season premier episode "Still Charmed and Kicking"

Recurring supernatural villains

Recurring villain ("Big Bad")	Season
	Season 1	Season 2	Season 3	Season 4	Season 5	Season 6	Season 7	Season 8
Rex Buckland	N. Roberts
Hannah Webster	L. Baker
Barbas	Billy Drago				Drago
Inspector Rodriguez	C. Gómez
The Source of All Evil	—		various
The Triad			various					various
Belthazor / Cole Turner			Michael Bailey Smith / McMahon
Shax			Smith
The Seer				Debbi Morgan
The Chrone					G. Zabriskie
Gideon						G. Jackson
The Avatars					various		various
Zankou							Oded Fehr
Christy Jenkins								M. Patterson
Dumain								A. Cistaro

Notes:

• The Source was unseen during the first two seasons, yet directed many of the "monster-of-the-weeks" during that period. The character was portrayed on-screen by Michael Bailey Smith, Ben Guillory, and Peter Woodward. The Source made a minor guest appearance in the eighth season episode "Desperate Housewitches"
• Smith, in addition to The Source, Belthazor, and Shax, also portrayed Janor, head of the Grimlocks, in the third and fourth seasons
• The Triad in the third season was made-up of actors Rick Overton, Amir Aboulela and Shaun Taub. In the eighth, they were portrayed by Soren Oliver, Steven J. Oliver and Leland Crooke
• The Avatars (who may or may not be counted as the "Big Bad" of the seventh season due to their moral ambiguity) include Alpha (Joel Swetow), Beta (Patrice Fisher), and Gamma (Ian Anthony Dale), amongst others. One Avatar (played by Bianca Chiminello) makes a minor guest appearance in the eighth season episode "Vaya Con Leos"

Episodes

The series began its first season on October 7, 1998 and aired for eight years until its finale on May 21, 2006. During its eight seasons, 178 episodes were aired, making Charmed the longest running hour-long television series with all female leads.^[16] The series ended when its American network was shut down to merge into a new network station. Each season consists of 22 episodes with the exclusion of the fifth and sixth seasons which contain 23 episodes including their double-episode premiers and double-episode finales.

Specific Charmed episodes are detailed in the following by-season articles:

Charmed (season 1) Charmed (season 2)

Charmed (season 3) Charmed (season 4)

Charmed (season 5) Charmed (season 6)

Charmed (season 7) Charmed (season 8)

Reception

Critical reception

Critical reception of Charmed has been generally favorable. The Entertainment Weekly critic Karyn L. Barr, in her retrospective review of the first season, argued that "for seven seasons, the Halliwell sisters have charmed the pants off audiences with their wonderful Wiccan ways", labelling it as a "crafty cult classic":^[17]

Magically delicious the 1st, 3rd, and even 20th time around, ... this supernatural Spelling series remains spellbinding thanks to its proper balance of quirky humor [and] drama...die-hard and not-so-die-hard fans will still be charmed, I'm sure.

—Entertainment Weekly, January 31, 2005

During the first season, EW writer Ken Tucker, speaking on the comparisons between Charmed and rival series, argued: "spike-heeled where Buffy is fleet-footed, Charmed is Charlie's Angels with a Ouija board". As well as the show's action sequences — describing the Halliwells as "superheroes" — he notes that the series "plays up the stars' separate-but-equal charms" and admires both its "casting and pop-culture timing".^[18] The Guardian agrees with Alyssa Milano's description of Charmed as "perfect post-feminist girl-power", praising the balance between action and emotion as the "three sibling sorceresses know mischief, but are accessibly feminine".^[19] EW critic Gillian Flynn states that "the charm of Charmed is that it knows what it is: a guilty-pleasure fantasy", and gave credit to its mythology as well as the grounded characterisations of the sisters: "they call otherworldly beings "dude" and get peeved over wondrous inconveniences".^[20]

During the third season, PopMatters' Michael Abernethy credited it as "more enjoyable than most shows in the good vs evil genre, in large part because of the strength of the performers". He also recognised the use of humour in creating "unexpected turns in stock storylines [which are] more interesting than one might expect". The monster of the week format is frequent during the early-half of the series, however Abernethy states that, despite this, "the writers tend to explore the sibling dynamics to keep the show from growing redundant".^[21] Christel Loar, also of PopMatters, agrees that "episodes go beyond the demon-of-the-week formula to tap into the relationships of the characters and their...flaws. Charmed...succeeded by combining sisterhood with the supernatural". She also claims that the Halliwells' struggle for normal lives, "stability, and a sense of self is one of the reasons Charmed strikes such a chord with its viewers".^[22] Leigh H. Edwards, during the fourth season, asserts that the show effectively "explores some big questions (free will... who is running the universe)", whilst paying attention to domestic issues including "sibling rivalry, absent parents [and] love troubles".^[23]

Reviewing the final season, EW's Aubry D'Arminio asserted "A FITTING FINALE?... There's nothing like watching our witchy sisters kick evil's tail once and for all". She also described the lack of bonus features on the DVDs as "criminal considering it was TV's longest-running [all-female lead] show".^[24] In PopMatter's conclusion of the last season, Jon Langmead argued that the series' run had many appealing elements including "smart casting", and "an attention to relationship drama that was smarter and more nuanced than it ever received credit for":^[25]

Largely because of its Aaron Spelling-pedigree, Charmed rarely got notice for, more often than not, being smarter and more entertaining than much of its competition. It never got the critical nods ... but Charmed had plenty to offer and was often much better than it needed to be.

—PopMatters, December 4, 2007

American ratings

Charmed proved to be a success early on, the shows' premiere episode "Something Wicca This Way Comes" pulled in more than 7.7 million viewers; and the show was ranked the #1 rated show on The WB network (tied with Dawson's Creek and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) with an average of 5.5 million viewers per episode. The show also was extremely successful during its second season with an average of 4.8 million per episode and again tying with Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the #2 slot; during the shows 3rd season again placed 3rd with an average of 4.9 million per episode.

Season	Season Premiere	Season Finale	TV Season	Viewer Rank (#)	Network Rank (#)	Viewers (in millions)
1st	October 7, 1998	May 26, 1999	1998–1999	118[26]	1	5.5
2nd	September 30, 1999	May 18, 2000	1999–2000	120[27]	2	4.8
3rd	October 5, 2000	May 17, 2001	2000–2001	117[28]	2	4.9
4th	October 4, 2001	May 16, 2002	2001–2002	129[29]	6	4.2
5th	September 22, 2002	May 11, 2003	2002–2003	128[30]	4	4.5
6th	September 28, 2003	May 16, 2004	2003–2004	154[31]	5	4.3
7th	September 12, 2004	May 22, 2005	2004–2005	132[32]	7	3.5
8th	September 25, 2005	May 21, 2006	2005–2006	132[33]	7	3.5
1st–8th (average)	October 7, 1998	May 21, 2006	1998–2006	128	4	4.4

Awards and accolades

Charmed has gathered several awards and nominations.^[34] The series was nominated for four Saturn Awards during its run, including Best Network Television Series for its first season and two nominations for lead actress Shannen Doherty. Rose McGowan won a Family Television Award in 2005 for Favourite Sister, whilst co-star Alyssa Milano has been nominated for a Kids' Choice Award and Teen Choice Award. McGowan, after having also appeared in feature film Grindhouse, also won a Spike Award for Femme Fatale in 2007. Charmed won two ASCAP Awards for its music composers, Tim Truman and Jay Gruska, and has received recognition for its young actors, having been nominated for five Young Artist Awards, with guest star Alex Black winning once for his role in the fourth season episode "Lost and Bound". The series has also received further nominations from the International Horror Guild, TV Guide Awards, Teen Choice Awards, amongst others.

NAACP Image Awards, which honors African Americans, nominated Janice Cooke Leonard for an Outstanding Directing in a Dramatic Series award in 2006. Charmed has also been acknowledged abroad, having being nominated for a Spanish TP de Oro and having won a Cable Guide Award in the United Kingdom for Favourite Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series in 2001. Executive producer Aaron Spelling has also won several awards for his contribution to television, including a BAFTA for Excellence in Television, and a Producers Guild of America Lifetime Achievement Award.^[35]

In 2006, Spelling Television and series producer Brad Kern declared Charmed as the longest running hour-long series in television history featuring all female leads.^{[3][36][37][38][39]} The record applies only to hour-long television series with multiple female leads (The Facts Of Life being the longest running 30-minute show with all-female leads, and Murder She Wrote being the longest running hour-long show but with a singular female lead).^[3] Kern stated "It's a remarkable accomplishment... It's something we're all immensely proud of",^[3] whilst lead actress Rose McGowan described it as "a huge achievement".^[37]

In 2000, Cult TV Awards placed Charmed within its top 100 cult television series of the century at number forty-four.^[40] In 2007, AOL Television ranked each Charmed One within its top fifteen of the greatest witches in television history — Paige twelfth, Prue ninth, Phoebe seventh and Piper third.^[41]

Despite its longevity, some of the stars of the show have claimed it was never promoted very extensively by The WB (especially in comparison to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which ran on the same network for five years). Just before the series finale, Combs said that they'd "never been treated that well" by The WB, and McGowan said that the network considered them its "ugly stepchild."^[42]

Distribution

Multimedia

Online

TNT has released full episodes of Charmed for viewing with their "DramaVision" video player on the network website.^[43] As of February 14, 2009, the new TheWB.com website (Web streaming successor to Warner Brothers or "The WB") TheWB.com did not offer the shows.

International syndication

Outside of North America, Charmed is broadcast in various other countries and television networks, each with their own schedule for the series, and sometimes with their own title for the series. In the United Kingdom, the entire series aired on the digital network Living TV and on the terrestrial channel Five from 2000 until 2006, when Channel 4 purchased the rights to air the final season on its T4 scheduling slot.^[44] The series was also rerun in the UK on the digital network Trouble.

Other countries where Charmed airs include the following:

International syndication
Country / Region	Name	Television Network	Dubbing / Subtitles
Albania	Shtrigat (English: "The Witches")	Digitalb	Albanian subtitles
Argentina	Charmed	Sony Entertainment Television[45]	Spanish subtitles
Austria	Charmed – Zauberhafte Hexen (English: "Charmed – Magical Witches")	ORF1,[46] ProSieben Austria[47]	German
Australia	Charmed	TV1,[48] Austar, Foxtel, Channel Ten, Fox Classics[49]	None
Belgium	Charmed	2BE[50]	Dutch subtitles
Bosnia and Herzegovina	Čini (English: "Spells")	Pink BH	Bosnian subtitles
Brazil	Charmed (People+Arts and Sony Entertainment Television), Jovens Bruxas (English: "Young Witches")(Band)	Sony Entertainment Television[51], People+Arts[52], Band	Portuguese subtitles (People+Arts and Sony Entertainment Television), Portuguese dubbing (Band)
Bulgaria	Чародейките"(Charodeikite; English: "Charmed")	Diema[53]	Bulgarian
Croatia	Čarobnice (English: "Sorceresses")	Nova TV	Croatian subitiles
Cyprus	Οι μάγισσες του Σαν Φρανσίσκο (English: "The Witches of San Francisco")	Sigma TV[54]	Greek subtitles
Czech Republic	Čarodějky (English: "Charmed")	Prima TV, Nova TV	Czech dubbing
Denmark	Heksene fra Warren Manor (English: "The Witches from Warren Manor")	TV3[55]	Danish subtitles
Estonia	Võluvägi (English: "Witchcraft")	Kanal 11	Estonian subtitles
Finland	Siskoni on Noita (English: "My Sister Is A Witch")	Nelonen	Finnish subtitles
France	Charmed	Métropole 6,[56] Téva, W9.	French
Germany	Charmed – Zauberhafte Hexen (English: "Charmed – Magical Witches")	ProSieben,[57] Kabel Eins	German dubbing
Greece	Οι Μάγισσες (English: "The Witches")	Star Channel[58]	Greek subtitles
Hungary	Bűbájos Boszorkák (English: "Charming Witches")	TV2	Hungarian
Iceland	Heillanornir (English: "Charming Witches")	SkjárEinn	Icelandic subtitles
Indonesia	Charmed	SCTV[59]	Indonesian subtitles
Ireland	Charmed	TV3	None
Israel	מכושפות (English: "Enchanted")	Channel 3	Hebrew subtitles
Italy	Streghe (English: "Witches")	Fox,[60] Rai Due	Italian dubbing
Latin America	Charmed	Sony Entertainment Television[61]	Spanish subtitles
Lithuania	San Francisko Raganos (English: "Witches of San Francisco")	LNK,[62] TV1	Lithuanian dubbing
Macedonia	Волшебнички (English:"Witches")	А1[63]	Macedonian subtitles
Malaysia	Charmed	Ntv7	Bahasa Malaysia subtitles
Mauritius	Charmed	Mcb 1	French
Malta	Charmed	Living TV[64]	None
Mexico	Hechiceras (English: "Witches")	XHGC 5	Spanish
Netherlands	Charmed	NET 5[65]	Dutch subtitles
New Zealand	Charmed	Terrestrial: TV3 (first run) Cable: BOX (re-runs) Cable: Vibe (re-runs)	None
Norway	Charmed (English:)	TV3[66]	Norwegian subtitles
Pakistan	Charmed	Star World	None
Philippines	Charmed	Velvet, AXN Beyond	N/A
Poland	Czarodziejki (English: "Witches")	Hallmark, Polsat[67][68]	Polish
Portugal	As Feiticeiras (English: "The Witches")	AXN[69]	Portuguese subtitles
Puerto Rico	Charmed or Hechiceras (English: "Sorcerers")	TNT (aired four times daily)	Spanish traductions
Russia	Зачарованные ([Zacharovannyje, zətɕɪˈrovənnɨjə], "Charmed")	STS	Russian dubbing
Singapore	Charmed	MediaCorp TV Channel 5	Chinese subtitles
Serbia	Čari (English: "Charms")	Fox	Serbian subtitles
Slovakia	Čarodejnice (English: "Witches")	Markíza[70]	Slovak dubbing
Slovenia	Čarovnice (English: "Witches")	Kanal A	Slovene
South Africa	Charmed	M-Net Series, SABC 3	None
Spain	Embrujadas (English: "Bewitched")	Telecinco (first running), Cuatro (re-running), Cosmopolitan[71]	Spanish dubbing
Sweden	Förhäxad (English: "Bewitched")	TV3	Swedish subtitles
Switzerland	Charmed – Zauberhafte Hexen (English: "Charmed – Magical Witches")	ProSieben Schweiz, SF2[72]	German
Taiwan	聖女魔咒 (English: "Divine Girls & Magical Spells")	Azio TV, China Television	None, Traditional Chinese
Thailand	N/A	True Series[73]	Thai subtitles
Turkey	Charmed	DiziMax[74]	Turkish
Saudi Arabia	Charmed	MBC 4[75]	Arabic subtitles
Ukraine	Всі Жінки Відьми (Vsi Zhinki Vidmi, English: "All Women Are Witches")	1+1	Ukrainian dubbing
United Kingdom	Charmed	Terrestrial: Five (seasons 1–7), Channel 4 (season 8) Cable: Trouble, Living TV,[64] E4	None
Vietnam	Phép Thuật (English: "Magic")	Terrestrial: VTV1, VTV3 Cable: VCTV7	Vietnamese dubbing

Spin-offs

Mermaid

Charmed's executive producers Brad Kern, Aaron Spelling and E. Duke Vincent developed a one-hour pilot episode for The WB Television Network in early 2005, entitled Mermaid. It was written by Kern and filmed in Miami during Charmed's seventh season, at the same time as "Something Wicca This Way Goes?".^[76][77]

As work progressed on the fifth season's double-episode premier, "A Witch's Tail", the theme of mermaids was recognized to have potential for its own series,^[78] even though the episode was never meant to be a backdoor pilot for a television spin-off.

The series plot^[79][80] is centred on a mermaid, Nikki, who is rescued by a young man when she washes ashore in Miami. Her savior, Matt Johnson, is a lawyer living with a roommate and engaged to the daughter of his boss. Initially, he is in utter disbelief of Nikki's nature, until it is proven true. According to the series mythology, mermaids are a race of creatures whose evolution took place underwater. The mermaids originate from a sunken city and have supernatural abilities, including superhuman strength and agility, as well as being able to see in the dark, read emotions and have a connection with other sea creatures. However, another race of creatures who began their existence underwater, but have since adapted onto dry land, include Luger who is hunting Nikki. Nikki, meanwhile, attempts to enact a normal life by working as a waitress at a local restaurant while living with Matt and his roommate. She begins assisting Matt in his attempts to help people: as the villainous Luger assesses, mermaids are drawn to protecting the innocent, it's "in their blood".

During the casting process, Kern "looked in London and New York and New Zealand, Hollywood, Florida, Melbourne and Sydney" and, after interviewing around 300 people, discovered "a fresh new face" in Australian Nathalie Kelley who played the lead role of Nikki. Geoff Stults was then cast as Matt, and Roger Daltrey as principal antagonist Eric Luger.^[81] Brandon Quinn, who later went on to play Homeland Security Agent Murphy in Charmed's eighth season, played Matt's "goofy best friend" in Mermaid.^[82] He spoke of his roles in both series:

[In Mermaid] I was the party man...in the pilot, I had no job; I was a permanent bachelor. And when Brad [Kern] told me about [Agent Murphy], he was, like, 'He's a Homeland Security agent, he's 180 degrees opposite from what you played in my pilot this year, but I really think you could do it.' And I was, like, 'Wow, thanks for trusting me with Agent Murphy.'

Additionally cast in main roles were Ana Ortiz^[83] (who went on to star in Ugly Betty) and Beatrice Rosen^[84] who, along with Quinn, developed a recurring role in Charmed's eighth season as Maya Holmes, an innocent whose image Piper Halliwell inadvertently uses as her false identity 'Jenny Bennett'.

The pilot was considered to have a good chance of being picked up, but when The WB and UPN merged into The CW, the resulting network passed on the show. Speaking on the failure of the series to be picked up, Kern also revealed that the studio Paramount/CBS "decided at the last second to cut the budget in half", which resulted in the number of shooting days to be reduced, thus decreasing the quality of the pilot in being able to "'sell' the concept".^[85]

References

External links

• Official website at Turner Network Television
• Charmed at the Internet Movie Database
• Charmed at TV.com

Charmed universe Television series Episodes · Cast · Awards and nominations Episode guide Season 1 · Season 2 · Season 3 · Season 4 · Season 5 · Season 6 · Season 7 · Season 8 Spin-offs Novels · Mermaid (pilot) · Multimedia · Magazines · Video game · Board games · Collectible Card Game Music "How Soon Is Now?" · The Soundtrack · The Book of Shadows · The Final Chapter Cultural impact Academia · Guidebooks Characters Main Prudence Halliwell · Piper Halliwell · Phoebe Halliwell · Paige Matthews Supporting Darryl Morris · Andy Trudeau · Leo Wyatt · Dan Gordon · Cole Turner · Christopher Halliwell · Billie Jenkins Recurring Melinda Warren · Penelope Halliwell · Patricia Halliwell · Victor Bennett · Wyatt Matthew Halliwell · Coop  · Henry Mitchell Villains Rex Buckland · Hannah Webster · Barbas · The Triad · Belthazor · The Source of All Evil · Shax · The Seer · The Crone · Gideon · Zankou · Christy Jenkins Magical beings The Avatars · Darklighters · The Elders · The Hollow · Whitelighters Locations and artifacts Bay Area, San Francisco · The Halliwell Manor · Magic School · The Nexus · The Book of Shadows · Triquetra Related articles Spelling Television · The WB · Aaron Spelling · Constance M. Burge · Brad Kern · Power of Three Category:Charmed

(Redirected to Charmed (TV series) article)

From Wikiquote

Charmed (1998-2006) is a television show about three sisters who reunite and unlock their powers to become the Charmed Ones - the most powerful witches to exist. Now they must vanquish evil and save innocents while living their lives as normal women in the real world.

Contents

Season 1	Season 2	Season 3	Season 4	Season 5	Season 6	Season 7	Season 8
Something Wicca This Way Comes	Witch Trial	The Honeymoon’s Over	Charmed Again, Pt 1	A Witch’s Tail, Pt 1	Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 1	A Call to Arms	Still Charmed and Kicking
I’ve Got You Under My Skin	Morality Bites	Magic Hour	Charmed Again, Pt 2	A Witch’s Tail, Pt 2	Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 2	The Bare Witch Project	Malice in Wonderland
Thank You for Not Morphing	The Painted World	Once Upon a Time	Hell Hath No Fury	Happily Ever After	Forget Me... Not	Cheaper By the Coven	Run Piper, Run
Dead Man Dating	The Devil’s Music	All Halliwell’s Eve	Enter the Demon	Siren’s Song	The Power of Three Blondes	Charrrmed	Desperate Housewitches
Dream Sorcerer	She’s a Man, Baby, a Man!	Sight Unseen	Size Matters	Wiches in Tights	Love’s A Witch	Styx Feet Under	Rewitched
The Wedding from Hell	That Old Black Magic	Primrose Empath	A Knight to Remember	The Eyes Have It	My Three Witches	Once in a Blue Moon	Kill Billie Vol. 1
The Fourth Sister	They’re Everywhere	Power Outage	Brain Drain	Sympathy for the Demon	Soul Survivor	Someone to Witch Over Me	The Lost Picture Show
The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts	P3 H2O	Sleuthing with the Enemy	Black as Cole	A Witch in Time	Sword and the City	Charmed Noir	Battle of the Hexes
The Witch is Back	Ms. Hellfire	Coyote Piper	Muse to My Ears	Sam I Am	Little Monsters	There’s Something About Leo	Hulkus Pocus
Wicca Envy	Heartbreak City	We All Scream for Ice Cream	A Paige from the Past	Y Tu Mummy Tambien	Chris Crossed	Witchness Protection	Vaya Con Leos
Feats of Clay	Reckless Abandon	Blinded by the Whitelighter	Trial By Magic	The Importance of Being Phoebe	Witchstock	Ordinary Witches	Mr. and Mrs. Witch
The Wendigo	Awakened	Wrestling With Demons	Lost and Bound	Centennial Charmed	Prince Charmed	Extreme Makeover: World Edition	Payback’s a Witch
From Fear to Eternity	Animal Pragmatism	Bride and Gloom	Charmed and Dangerous	House Call	Used Karma	Charmageddon	Repo Manor
Secrets and Guys	Pardon My Past	The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed	The Three Faces of Phoebe	Sand Francisco Dreamin’	The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell	Carpe Demon	12 Angry Zen
Is There a Woogy in the House?	Give Me a Sign	Just Harried	Marry-Go-Round	The Day the Magic Died	I Dream of Phoebe	Show Ghouls	The Last Temptation of Christy
Which Prue is it Anyway?	Murphy’s Luck	Death Takes a Halliwell	The Fifth Halliwheel	Baby's First Demon	The Courtship of Wyatt's Father	The Seven Year Witch	Engaged and Confused
That ‘70s Episode	How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans	Pre-Witched	Saving Private Leo	Lucky Charmed	Hyde School Reunion	Scry Hard	Generation Hex
When Bad Warlocks Turn Good	Chick Flick	Sin Francisco	Bite Me	Cat House	Spin City	Little Box of Horrors	The Torn Identity
Out of Sight	Ex Libris	The Demon Who Came in from the Cold	We’re Off to See the Wizard	Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun	Crimes and Witch-Demeanors	Freaky Phoebe	The Jung and the Restless
The Power of Two	Astral Monkey	Exit Strategy	Long Live the Queen	Sense and Sense Ability	A Wrong Day’s Journey into Right	Imaginary Fiends	Gone with the Witches
Love Hurts	Apocalypse Not	Look Who’s Barking	Womb Raider	Necromancing the Stone	Witch Wars	Death Becomes Them	Kill Billie Vol. 2
Déjà Vu All Over Again	Be Careful What You Witch For	All Hell Breaks Loose	Witch Way Now?	Oh My Goddess, Pt 1	It’s a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 1	Something Wicca This Way Goes?	Forever Charmed
				Oh My Goddess, Pt 2	It’s a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 2
Cast				External links

Season 1

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Prue: How long have you known about this anyway?

Piper: A couple of days. Maybe a week…or two.

Prue: Thanks for sharing. When does she arrive?

Phoebe: Surprise!

---

Phoebe: I forgot your question.

Piper:I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.

Phoebe:That's disgusting. (looks at spirit board) Please say yes.

---

Darryl: Just do me a favor. Don’t ever follow a lead without checking with me first.

Andy: You want to go to occult shops?

---

Darryl: You’re avoiding my question.

Andy: Because you don’t want to know I went to an occult shop.

Darryl: You hate me, don’t you? You want to see me suffer.

---

Andy: ...She was killed with an athame.

Darryl: Wrong. Double-edged steel knife.

Andy: Right...that's an athame. Witches use them to direct energy.

Darryl: That woman didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple.

---

Phoebe:

Hear now the words of the witches

The secrets we hid in the night.

The oldest of gods are invoked here

The great work of magic is sought.

... In this night and in this hour

We call upon the ancient power.

Bring your powers to us sisters three!

We want the power. Give us the power.

---

Phoebe: No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.

Piper: And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.

---

Prue: Excuse me, Phoebe, but I'm not exactly in a homeopathic mood right now!

Phoebe: Well, move your headache out of your mind. [a bottle of aspirin flies off the shelf and into Prue's hand] You move things when you're upset.

Prue: This is ridiculous. I thought that you landed on your arm, not your head.

Phoebe: You don't believe me?

Prue: Of course I don't believe you!

Phoebe: [in a sing-song voice] Roger ... [[two more bottles fly off the shelf] Now let's talk about Dad and see what happens.

Prue: He's dead, Phoebe.

Phoebe: No, he's moved from New York, and he's very much alive.

Prue: He isn't to me. He died the day he moved out.

Phoebe: What are you talking about? He's always been a major button-pusher for you. You're mad he's alive, you're mad that I tried to find him, and you're mad that I moved back. Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. [several shelves collapse, and Prue and Phoebe burst out laughing]

I've Got You Under My Skin

---

Piper: By the way, Andy called.

Prue: When?

Piper: While you were in the shower.

Prue: What did you tell him?

Piper: That you were in the shower. Bad date?

Prue: No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know. Dinner. Movie. Sex.

Piper: Excuse me? On your first date? You sleaze.

Prue: It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper.

Piper: High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. Ooh, that bad, huh?

Prue: No. Actually, that good. It was... well, we were amazing, but that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different, that we would take it slow. It just shouldn't've happened, that's all.

Phoebe: What shouldn't've happened?

Piper: Prue slept with Andy.

Phoebe: Hello!

Prue: Oh, thanks a lot, mouth.

Phoebe: Wait, you were going to tell her, but not me? Family meeting!

Prue: Speaking of last night, what time did you enter falling in?

Phoebe: No no no, do not change the subject!

Prue: Don't dodge the question!

Piper: It must've been at least after three.

Phoebe: I must still be on New York time.

Prue: Actually, that would make it later.

---

Prue: Our powers are not toys.

---

Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Prue: I know, Andy.

Andy: All we did was make love.

Prue: I know, Andy.

---

Phoebe: Newsflash! Stop worrying. You'll get wrinkles.

---

Prue: Yeah...and she is wearing Armani! Where did she get that?

Piper: Not from my closet.

---

Piper: Don't put me in the middle.

Prue: I'm not. You were born in the middle.

---

Piper: I think this woman is Brittany Reynolds.

Prue: Yeah, and I'm Rosie O'Donnell.

---

Piper: A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not.

---

Piper: I hate being a witch.

---

Prue:

Evil Eyes look onto thee

May they soon extiniguish thee,

Bend thy will to the power of three,

Eye of earth, evil and a curse.

Thank You For Not Morphing

Prue: Um, hi. You must be Mr. Wyatt.

Phoebe: The handyman?

Leo: Call me Leo.

Phoebe: Gladly.

---

Prue: Some of us have a job.

Phoebe: Some of us have fun.

Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day.

---

Piper: Wait a sec. Last week we had no Dad and now we have two?

---

Marshall: I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance in your entrails.

Victor: Oh, so you're lawyers.

---

Victor: Always in a hurry, Prue. You skipped crawling and went straight to walking.

Prue: Oh, we’re sharing memories. Well, I’ve got one of my own – your back walking out the door.

---

Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as a break-in.

Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try and steal our broomsticks?

---

Fritz: So, Prue, I hear your friend’s a cop.

Prue: Inspector, actually.

Fritz: Oh, yeah. (to Andy) Well, I got these parking tickets...

Andy: Yeah, my focus is mainly homicide, robbery.

Fritz: Yeah. Yeah. So I have these parking tickets...

---

Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash.

Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?

---

Piper: Hey look. It’s dad's ring. What's it doing here?

Phoebe: It must have slipped off when he, uh... fell. (referring to when Prue telekinetically hurled him onto the wall)

---

Piper: Why? I mean after all this time? Why here? Why now?

Victor: Well, I heard the food here is pretty good, and it is dinner time.

Dead Man Dating

Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.

Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

---

Piper: Well, I can talk about food all night long.

Mark: Yeah? Well, I can talk about it forever.

---

Mark: Yama!

Piper: Yama? Run.

Mark: It's too late, you better go. Run! (Piper freezes Yama) What happened?

Piper: I'm a good witch, remember?

Mark: But how?

Piper: I don't know. I panic, I put up both hands and bad things tend to freeze.

Mark: For how long?

Piper: Not very, let's go.

---

Phoebe: We’re The Charmed Ones, Prue, not The Doomed Ones.

---

Piper: I snuck the photograph into Andy’s interoffice mail.

Mark: My afterlife’s in the hands of a cop named Andy.

---

Prue: Phoebe, you have to save him. You can’t let him out of your sight.

Phoebe: Oh, don’t worry. I waited until he went to sleep, and then I broke a key off in his door to lock him in. He’s safe ‘til morning. (silence) Hey, wait. That’s it? You’re not going to get mad at me?

Prue: You were trying to do something good… and now you’re going to get to do something… wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present than that.

---

Phoebe: I am so busted, aren’t I?

Piper: Are you out of your mind again?

Phoebe: No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe.

Piper: This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.

---

Piper: I've never seen anybody killed before.

Phoebe: Jeremy.

Prue: Javna.

Piper: I mean humans.

Dream Sorcerer

Phoebe: Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.

---

Piper: (after trying to copy an exercise video) Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper.

Prue: Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See, it says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.

---

Piper: So, what’s up?

Phoebe: I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover".

Piper: No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells.

Phoebe: Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic.

Piper: No. No personal gain, remember?

Phoebe: How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...

---

Phoebe: I'm telling you, there's no Dream Sorcerer stuff anywhere.

Piper: That's impossible. The Book of Shadows has never let us down.

Phoebe: Well, maybe he's not a demon. Maybe he's a mortal.

Piper: Then he's got one hell of a power.

Phoebe: You're not kidding.

---

Prue: Piper? Phoebe?

Piper: Prue. You're home. I thought you had a date with Andy.

Prue: Uh, no. He had to cancel. What are you doing?

Piper: Hmm...

Phoebe: Piper, I was wrong. The spell calls for cayenne pepper not black pepper. (She walks in the kitchen and sees Prue) Ooh. Did I say spell? I ... I meant recipe. We are so busted, aren't we?

Prue: I would say yes.

---

First Guy: Are your parents terrorists? Cause, baby, you're the bomb.

Second Guy: Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell.

Phoebe: Uh, excuse me?

Guy: When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt? Cause I know an angel when I see one.

Phoebe: I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you.

The Wedding From Hell

Prue: My sisters and I, we have special gifts.

Allison Michaels: Gifts? What kind of gifts?

Prue: Ones you can't return. Let's just say we come from an interesting kind of family tree.

---

Rex Buckland: Prue, your, um, sister's here to see you. She's waiting in your office.

Prue: Which sister?

Rex Buckland: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college."

Prue: Phoebe.

---

Prue: Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt.

Phoebe: Did she just say shower?

Piper: She did, didn't she?

Piper & Phoebe: Hot water!

---

Phoebe: Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you.

Piper: What?!

---

Prue: Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly?

Phoebe: Well, I-I saw the thing being born.

Prue: Did you see Piper?

Phoebe: Yes, I saw her legs.

Prue: Never saw her face?

Phoebe: No.

Piper: Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.

The Fourth Sister

Phoebe: Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief?

Piper: Totally.

Phoebe: Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched.

Piper: My boyfriend, Billy Wilson.

Phoebe: [chuckles] Bill-- Wil-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson?

Piper: You kissed him at homecoming.

Phoebe: I did not kiss him at homecoming.

Piper: Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever.

Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then.

Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts.

---

Piper: So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys...

Phoebe: Please.

Piper: So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one.

Phoebe: Absolutely.

Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition.

Phoebe: Sibling rivalry.

Piper: War.

Phoebe: Exactly!

---

Piper: Hungry?

Leo: Uh.

Piper: Oh, it's on the house.

Leo: You're big on food, aren’t you?

Piper: Uh...

Leo: No, that's good. You know, actually, in the Mayan culture the cook was second in the hierarchy only to the medicine man.

Piper: Mayans? You know about Mayans? Well, you certainly are a handyman, aren't you?

Leo: Uh, so, does Phoebe work here too?

Piper: Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, she's probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now. So what'll it be?

---

Phoebe (to Leo about Piper): Oh, that's just Piper. She's got to be everyone's mom. Think of her as your mom, I know I do.

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Phoebe: Piper, what do you really think about your boss?

Piper: I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...[Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh] Oh my god, I'm gonna be so fired!

---

Prue:

For those who want the truth revealed,

Opened hearts and secrets unsealed,

From now until it's now again,

After which the memory ends.

Those who are now in this house,

Will hear the truth from other's mouths.

---

Phoebe: She's carrying!

Piper: Carrying what?

Phoebe: A baby! She's pregnant!

Piper: Ohh.

(Piper starts to go towards Tanya)

Phoebe: No, no. She doesn't know yet.

Piper: Oh.

---

Leo: Well, I wanted to see you, I just um... I have this really strange feeling that I did something that I should apologize for. Did I?

Piper: No, no. Definitely not. Can I buy you a drink?

---

Andy: I don't know. I mean of all the things I thought you were hiding, this was actually nowhere on the list. Does this mean Piper and Phoebe are...

Prue: Yeah. We inherited our powers from Mom and Grams.

Andy: So, when you have kids...

Prue: If they're girls...yes.

---

Phoebe: He had that look... You know what I'm talking about, you might recognize it from the mirror.

---

Piper: Don't even think of asking me what I think of you right now!

---

Prue: Don't you hate turkey?

Hannah: Of course I do, just don't want you to have it.

---

Prue: Is there any reason why you are such a bitch to me?

Hannah: Yes, because it's my mission in life to destroy you.

---

Piper: Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move?

Leo: I don't know, I'm still waiting for it to happen.

Piper: Good news.

(Piper kisses Leo)

Leo: How do you feel about guys who make the second move?

Piper: Love 'em!

---

Prue: I'm about to tell my boyfriend that I'm a wi...

Phoebe: ...nner!

The Witch Is Back

Melinda Warren: How do modern women keep their legs warm?

Prue: We drink coffee.

---

Melinda Warren: "To work with One's hands is a great gift."

Leo: Well ... "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear"

Melinda Warren: "owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness..."

Melinda/Leo: Shakespeare.

---

Matthew Tate: If you like what you see, take a look. What's with all this false modesty in this era?

Hannah: Well, it's complicated with all the Women's Rights and sexual harassment...

---

Piper: Am I the only one having second thoughts?

Phoebe: Yes.

Prue: We don't really have any others options.

Piper: But aren't we, like, raising the dead? What if she's all..

Phoebe: I read The Book of Shadows very carefully. She will come back as a real live person, flesh and blood. She will have her powers too, our powers. (Phoebe picks up a knife.)

Piper: What's that for?

Phoebe: Well, the spell works by blood calling blood, so it shouldn't hurt.. much. (Phoebe cuts her finger.) I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters? (Prue takes the knife.)

Piper: I remember my finger got infected.

Prue: (Prue cuts her finger.) Ow. Yeah, but the oath worked.

Piper: And I couldn't go in the water for three weeks. (Prue holds out the knife.) Don't hand me that knife.

Prue: How are you gonna cut yourself?

Piper: I'm not.

Phoebe: Piper.

Piper: I can't stand the sight of blood.

Prue: Evil beings have blown up in our attic..

Phoebe: ..Disintegrated to dust right before our very eyes..

Prue: And you're afraid of a little drop of blood?

---

Prue: Great, so I'm being hunted by a warlock and the San Francisco P.D.

---

Melinda: No, don’t...don’t rip the dress to make it fit me.

Phoebe: Oh, no, no, I’m not ripping it. It’s called a zipper, see?(Phoebe zips up the dress)

Melinda: Oh, a wise witch made this.(Melinda takes the dress off of Phoebe and plays with the zipper)

Phoebe: Yeah, and wise witches in this century keep a low profile. You slip this dress on, you’ll blend right in.

---

Phoebe: You've never asked a guy out before?

Piper: Not on a real date, no

Phoebe: I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the 'take a chance' gene?

Piper: Probably, 'cause if I remember my biology correctly it's attached to the 'can't mind my own business' gene.

Wicca Envy

Prue: Somebody must have manipulated me into taking it.

Phoebe: The same way someone manipulated me into being a witness against my own sister!

Darryl: Any idea about what they're talking about?

Andy: Not a clue.

---

Andy: Hey, I thought you didn't know my first name.

Darryl: Prue said it.

---

Darryl: You have to admit, you stopped seeing Prue for a reason, you thought she was hiding something from you. How do you know she wasn't hiding something like this?

Andy: A secret life of crime? I don't think so.

Darryl: You got a better explanation?

---

(After Piper and Leo have spent the night together)

Phoebe: Between you and Leo, and Prue the new-hot-Wicca woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up.

Piper: Don't say that! The moment somebody says that everything always goes south!

Phoebe: Unless you freeze him. Ooh! I couldn't help it, it was so good!

---

Phoebe: Prue was right about Rex, which means I'm dating a warlock!

Piper: Been there, done that!

---

Phoebe: Problems?

Prue: What problems?

Piper: Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him.

Prue: Piper, you didn't?

Piper: I didn't mean to...the first time.

Phoebe: Oh!

---

Piper: I thought you guys were supposed to be shopping.

Prue: Obviously.

Phoebe (points): Oh, look, front-clasped bra. She means business.

Prue: Ooh, serious business.

Piper: (pulls her shirt closed) Do you mind?

Phoebe: No, are you kidding? I think it's great -- as long as he's not still on the clock.

Feats Of Clay

Prue: The Guardian punishes the greedy, so maybe if Clay does something selfless, it'll even the score.

Piper: Good luck...

---

Prue: Seasons change, people don't...

Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door?

Prue: That's different.

Phoebe: How is that different?

Prue: You're my sister.

---

Coroner: I found someone's business card in his pocket. Buckland's Auction House.

Andy: (cutting him off) Ah. Let me guess, Prue Halliwell?

Coroner: Yeah. How did you know?

Andy: I'm cursed.

---

Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now?

Clay: What, can't a guy visit?

Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.

The Wendigo

Phoebe (talking on the phone with Piper): Okay, you put the jack under the jeep and then put the handle in the base and ratchet it up and down, okay? It's very easy.

Piper: Handle. Handle. I don't think I got a handle. Wait, there's a long wooden spoon in the back.

Phoebe: (talking to Prue) That's not gonna work. She's looking for a long wooden spoon.

---

Phoebe: (talking on the phone with Piper) Piper, you're stranded and you're all alone, and the only thing you have to protect yourself with is a wooden spoon that's broken.

---

Piper: No problem... for I bear the power of.... One.

---

Piper: Oh, my God, that's a lot of blood.

Prue: Hey, sweetie.

Phoebe: Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. If I pass out and I need a transfusion, I'm AB negative. It's very rare. It could be a problem.

Andy: Try not to look at it. And just so you know, I'm AB negative too. Plus, I love good food. Perfect donor.

---

Prue: You really wanna work at Bucklands with me?

Phoebe: When opportunity knocks, I answer the door.

Prue: The job is very demanding. Auctions can be stressful.

Phoebe: I love a challenge.

Prue: We work pretty long hours.

Phoebe: Overtime is my friend. Plus, I just thought of something else. With my premonitions, I might just be able to get you the straight dope. Without a trip to the office water cooler.

Prue: Don't push it.

Phoebe: Right. So, what do you think?

Prue: Can you start tomorrow?

Phoebe: Yes. Hey, can you give me a ride?

---

Piper: Nothing. This is just the same crap I've already seen.

Prue: I tried Andy's cell phone, no answer.

Phoebe: We can't find anything about revearsing the Wendigo thing.

Prue: Well, there's got to be something. Oh, didn't you check this at the bottom of the page? "c.f. Desiderata."

Phoebe: Yeah, like we're supposed to know what that means.

Prue: Well, it means "conferred desiderata." It's Latin for "look up things that are yearned for."

Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so very smart.

Prue: Piper.

Piper: Don't Piper me. Just shut up!

---

Prue: But we might have to confine you until we get back. So tie you down, I guess.

Piper: No! Go to hell!

Prue: Do we have any chains?

Phoebe: I actually think I have something. (walks in with handcuffs)

Prue: Where did you get the--? Never mind.

---

Piper (under the influence of the Wendigo): Back off. What? Do you think I can't walk now?

Phoebe: Honey, we're just trying to help you.

Piper : Help me. You can't even hold a job.

Prue: Okay. Now wait a minute, Piper.

Piper: Oh, save it. Do you always have to be in charge? (Prue and Phoebe look at each other, confused)

Piper: (normal) I'm so sorry. What's happening to me?

---

Phoebe: ...besides, that's your world, I need to find one of my own.

Prue: You will.

Piper: Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you!

(Phoebe frowns and Prue stares at her confused, Piper starts getting up)

Piper: Just kidding, it's a joke!

From Fear To Eternity

Andy: What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Prue: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.

Secrets And Guys

Leo: I thought I'd tell her that as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.
Phoebe: No, no, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.

---

Piper (about Leo): It just seemed like he wasn't telling me the whole story, like he had some secret he was afraid I couldn't handle.
Phoebe: Well, that's his call. Assuming that he had a secret. Might not have.
Piper: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Ok, ok, you don't have to beat it out of me. Leo is a whitelighter. They're sort of guardian angels for witches. And they're not supposed to get involved with witches, but Leo couldn't help it. He fell in love with you, and that broke all the rules and got him in all sorts of trouble. And even though he'll love you forever, you will probably never see him again.
Piper: What? Phoebe, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Oh, God. Don't be so silly.
Phoebe: That's me, silly.

---

Piper: And looky here, miss Phoebe's diaries...
Phoebe: The place where I kept all my secrets... (Piper and Prue stare at her with a suspicious look)
Phoebe: What?
Prue: The place where you kept your secrets?
(Phoebe nods)
Piper: Phoebe, you could never keep a secret...
Phoebe: Oh, that is so not true.

---

Leo: In the meantime, you must help me keep my secret or I can get into trouble, ok? Piper and Prue can never know what I really am.
Phoebe: Me keep a secret? Hello, wrong Halliwell!

Is There A Woogy In The House?

---

Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes.

Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.

Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.

---

Piper:I can handle it all myself. It’s me, the culinary pachyderm.

---

Phoebe:

I am light,

I am one too strong to fight,

Return to dark where shadows dwell,

You can not have this Halliwell.

Go away and leave my sight,

And take with you this endless night.

Which Prue is it Anyway?

Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.

Phoebe: Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.

That '70s Episode

Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time in the same time.

Prue: Thank you Mr Spock.

---

Grams: What was the name of my husband?

Prue: Which husband?

---

Grams: Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.

[Patty makes a face]

Grams: Oh, well, once removed of course...

---

Little Prue: You’re pretty.

Prue: So are you.

Piper: Oh, give me a break.

---

Piper: I’m supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers just because they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we would never have flowers.

---

Grams: What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?

Piper: Honey, and a splash of rum.

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good

Prue: Hey, um, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep with Piper.

Brendan: Why?

Prue: Because Phoebe kicks.

---

Piper:: (peeks into the hall) It's clear.

(Piper walks out, followed by Phoebe, then Prue, then Brendan in his vestments. As they are walking, Greg and Paul come out from around a corner.)

Greg: You betrayed us, little brother. I'm very disappointed.

Brendan: Leave them out of this, Greg.

Greg: You're protecting witches now?! You make me sick!

Piper: Prue?

Prue: Now!

(Piper tries to freeze Greg, but he raises a force field around him. Phoebe picks up Brendan's knife and throws it at Greg, but Greg raises a force field around him and it bounces off. Prue tries to throw them into the wall, but it has no effect due to the force fields.)

Greg: No, not this time. I'm ready for you. (picks up the knife) But family first.

Brendan: You want me? Come get me.

(Greg grabs the knife and is ready to throw it, but Paul stops him)

Paul: Greg, wait!

Prue: Brendan, don't let them turn you. Don't use your powers.

Paul: (to Greg) Give him a chance. (turns to Brendan) It's not too late, you can still join us.

Greg: You are either with us or you are against us!

Brendan: Then I'm against you.

Greg: Then you will die. (he throws the knife at Brendan, but Paul jumps in front and the knife goes into him instead) Damn you, Brendan!

Paul: No, Greg. (he pulls the knife out of him) Damn you! (He throws the knife and hits Greg, and both slump over dead)

---

Phoebe: If you were going to lose a guy, it might as will be to the Big Guy.

Out Of Sight

Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple?

Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.

---

Prue: Oops, Busted!

Eric Lumen: Do you really think so?

(Prue swishes her hand then the grass cutter flew to Lumen's car, thus deflating the tires)

Eric Lumen: I-I..you did that! I-I..I saw that...

Prue: Really? Prove it.

(Prue making the potion to vanquish the Grimlocks)

Prue: I feel like I should be cackling.

Prue: Look Andy, will you please just get her out here?

Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone.

Prue: Do I have to use my power on you?

Andy: I'll meet you up on the street.

The Power Of Two

Prue: I hate cemeteries at night.

Phoebe: I hate cemeteries at day.

(they hear a noise)

Phoebe: What was that?

Prue: Probably a zombie or a vampire.

Phoebe: Where's Buffy when you need her?

Love Hurts

Phoebe: Okay, you know, you guys take for granted that I'm your innocent yellow pages. Okay, this takes work.

---

Phoebe: Okay, it's not that easy to break me.

Prue: What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?

Phoebe: It's not gonna work.

Prue: What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie! [the magazines on a rack spin around and fall off]. Well, class over.

Phoebe: You know that was just a rumor, right?

---

Phoebe:Okay Leo, I brought you some... You do eat right?

Leo:Yes Phoebe, I eat.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single, restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters?

Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat.

---

Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell...is a witch.

Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.

---

Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.

Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the Commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.

---

Prue:

Winds of time gather round,

Give me wings to speed my way,

Rush me on my journey forward,

Let tomorrow be today.

Season 2

Witch Trial

Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay?

Piper: Well, apparently we’ve got our clothes to lose.

Phoebe: I see that.

Piper: No. Whoa, whoa. Wait. What are you doing?

Phoebe: When in Rome.

Piper: No! No! No! We’re not in Rome, Phoebe. We’re in California and it’s illegal here!

Morality Bites

Prue: Piper...You froze everything!

Piper: What a difference a decade makes.

---

Phoebe: Wow, what did you buy?

Piper: Doody.

Prue: We weren't out of that!

---

Phoebe:: The wrong thing done for the right reason, still the wrong thing.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Hear these words, Hear this rhyme,

We send to you this burning sign,

Then our future selves we'll find,

In another place and time.

The Painted World

Dan: It's for a bio class, something with the human reproductive system.

Piper: You mean sex?

Dan: It's just too awkward for me to talk with my niece about.

Piper: Sure, not to worry I have plenty of experience.

Dan: Really! With sex.

Piper: No! I mean.. talking about it. Yeah.

---

Phoebe:

Spirits send the words, from all across the land;

Allow me to absorb them, through the touch of either hand.

For twenty-four hours, from seven to seven,

I will understand all meaning of the words from here to heaven.

And, uh, p.s. there will be no personal gain.

---

Malcolm: I always hoped someone would get my SOS, but I never thought it would be a woman.

Prue: What, a woman can't rescue a man?

Malcolm: I'm still waiting.

Prue: Yeah well keep waiting pal.

The Devil's Music

Chris Barker: Speaking of getting off the ground, that plane trip to Paris is still on open for discussion isn't it? Hasn't that rain cheque burned a hole in your pocket by now?

Prue: Look I really appreciate your offer

Chris Barker: It's not an offer Prue, it's a dinner request.

Prue: In Paris!

Chris Barker:You know what they call french bread in France?

Prue: Bread

Chris Barker: Exactly!

---

Piper: Phoebe, we can't even give our cat a vitamin, how are we going to get this down a demons throat?

Phoebe: In this.

Piper: What is that?

Phoebe: It's a balloon.

Piper: Okay, where is it?

Phoebe: Where's what?

Piper: The spoonfull of sugar big enough to hide that thing.

Phoebe: You're looking at her.

She's A Man, Baby, A Man!

Piper: (w/ Phoebe at the closed bathroom) Lives are at stake Prue, innocent men are going to die. We're your sisters Prue, we're not going to laugh.

Prue: (comes out of the bathroom, dresses a guy) How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous, I am wearing clothes from the ex boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places and I have a PENIS! (as Phoebe starts giggling) This is so not funny!

Phoebe: Hahahaha.

---

Dating service worker: What do you look for in a woman?

Dan: What do I look for? I don't know, I'm old fashioned I guess, I look for the girl next door. Someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match. The kind of girl that, when I leave for work in the morning, I wait just a little bit 'til she leaves for work too, just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair and great smile. Hoping that maybe, one day, she'll notice that I'm watching and she'll smile back at me.

---

Phoebe: It didn't start happening until she sucker punched Owen.

Prue: Well you had a problem, I fixed it.

Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt you did. You nearly broke his jaw.

Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right, so I acted on instinct. And to tell you the truth, the moment I hit him, I felt powerful and strong like somehow that made me a man.

Piper: You want to know how to be a real man, look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late for work just to make you smile, not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is going to change anything.

Prue: She learned all that just from looking out a window.

---

Phoebe: Oh yeah, nice body, great tan.

Prue: Awesome truck.

Phoebe: You know I think you really are becoming a man.

---

Prue: She knocked me out guys, I mean really, it was like I was in a trance, I was weak in the knees. And for a moment I felt her need not to be rejected, as though it would devastate her.

Phoebe: Great, we're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.

That Old Black Magic

Leo: 200 years ago a good witch turned evil, started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked into a cave and entombed, but unfortunately, this morning, Tuatha escaped.

Phoebe: Tuatha, who wouldn't go bad with a name like that!

They're Everywhere

Piper: Jack's not a warlock.

Prue: He's a jerk.

---

Dan: Someday, somehow, I'm going to make it through that damn door.

---

Prue: They really shouldn't have given us the finger.

Piper: You read my mind.

P3 H2O

Phoebe: Be very very quiet, we're hunting demons!

---

Prue: I know somebody who can see anything.

Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair?

Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.

Ms. Hellfire

Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to french kiss.

Piper: You broke your ankle when you were seven. Come on Prue, we went to Duran Duran together, you stretched out my leg warmers.

Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.

Heartbreak City

Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in.

Piper: Oh would you stop that.

Phoebe: Well it is a double date.

Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled.

Phoebe: I know, it seems to be an epidemic lately, guys cancelling on me.

Piper: You know what happens when they cancel?

Prue: Ooh, back to square one!

Piper: Do not pass go

Phoebe: And all accrued nookies credits are thrown out!

Jack Sheridan: There's a penalty?

Prue, Piper & Phoebe: Oh Yeah!

---

Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid?

Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me?

Piper: Where's the chubby baby?

Phoebe: Guys.

Prue: And the bow and arrow?

Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats?

---

Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim.

Cupid: Okay, fine. [he points to Piper] Dan, [points to Prue] Jack, [points to Phoebe] Clay [points to Prue] Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, [points to Piper] Not Jeremy the warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, [points to Phoebe] Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, [Prue and Piper look at Phoebe surprised] Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony.

---

Drazi: (scoffs at Cupid) Hiding behind witches' skirts?

Piper: Stealing things that don't belong to you?

Reckless Abandon

Prue: We have a baby?

Piper: Phoebe picked it up at the police station.

Prue: Okay, I thought you were going to request a job, not a kid.

---

Phoebe: Piper, you'll be fine, don't be afraid.

Prue: Yeah, Just think of it as a test run.

Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby, and it was hard on Mom, and endless, and with you dropping her all the time!

Phoebe: What?!

Prue: Oh, moving on!

---

Prue: I thought that babies slept. A lot.

Phoebe: Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll want to get pregnant.

Awakened

Piper: Wait, you enrolled? Phoebe, this is huge.

Phoebe: Hugest thing I've done since I came back home. I mean, aside from vanquishing demons, and saving the world from evil, of course!

Animal Pragmatism

Piper: Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smackdown?

---

Phoebe: I want you all to know that I'm a vegetarian, so I've never eaten any of you!

Pardon My Past

---

Prue: It's not like there's a fallen Whitelighter support group to join or anything.

---

Phoebe:

In this time and in this place,

Take this spirit I displace,

Bring it forth while I go back,

To inhabit a soul so black.

Give Me a Sign

---

Prue: What are you guys doing here?

Phoebe: We are rescuing you! From the tall, dark and NAKED man!!!!

Prue: I told you to stay away.

(She puts her hands on her hips.)

Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy. (clears her throat)

Piper: I don’t believe this! We’ve been frantic, worried sick about you thinking you’ve been kidnapped...

Prue: Yeah, I was...

Piper: (points to the side of the bed) Panties.

Prue: Oh, oh! (She rushes to the bedside and picks them up.) Huh, thanks. Look, uh, you guys have really got this all uh—(looks at her underwear in her hand) wrong. (hides it behind her back)

Piper: Yeah, we know. It’s a *trap*. (frowns)

Phoebe: A tall, dark, and naked trap.

---

Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long? I mean, how do I know he won't want his wings back someday? And then there's Dan. Who is still great. And normal. Which is good, considering I'm not.

Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds.

Piper: Really? We ran that long?

Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.

---

Phoebe:

I beseech all powers above,

Send a sign to free my sisters heart,

One that will lead her to her love.

---

Piper: First, I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay.

Phoebe: Me too.

Piper: And secondly, I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost your mind

Phoebe: Completely lost your mind!

---

Murphy's Luck

Phoebe: Stop trying to predict the future, that's my job.

---

Piper: What would I do without you?

Phoebe: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt.

---

Prue:

From this moment on,

Your pain is erased,

Your bad luck as well,

Enjoy your good luck Maggie,

You're free from this hell.

How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans

Piper: Alright, I'm only doing this for you guys. And if I get killed, I'm gonna haunt the both of you forever.

---

Phoebe:

What Witches done and the undone,

Return this spirit back within,

And separate him from his skin.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Powers of the the witches rise,

Course unseen across the skies,

Come to us who call you near,

Come to us and settle here.

Chick Flick

Finley Beck: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence?

Prue: That would be me.

Finley Beck: You're 12.

Prue: Oh, I'm good!

---

Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on.

---

Phoebe: We have got to do something about that COMPLEXION!

---

Phoebe: Hello, privacy!

Prue: Hello, ax-murderer!

---

Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!?!?

---

Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.

Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day.

Ex Libris

Prue: Hey Leo, Nice Orbs.

Astral Monkey

Leo: Ever done it on a cloud?

Phoebe: Does a featherbed count?

---

Piper: [about Leo] You really think he's here that much?

Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted... uh... I mean, had.

Apocalypse Not

Phoebe: Are you telling me evil called good and good answered?

Be Careful What You Witch For

Piper: Dan is back in town.

Leo: So?

Piper: So, what am I going to tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's going to expect a reaction from me.

Phoebe: How about, 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac. '.

---

Piper: Where you off to?

Prue: Lunch date with Dick.

Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to duty date.

Prue: Yeh, well. all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put more balance in my life.

Piper: Yeh, but you don't need Dick!

---

Genie: You're probably a little upset right?

Piper: No, I've moved past upset and right to pissed off.

Season 3

The Honeymoon's Over

Phoebe: If Piper ever comes back, I'm going to kill her.

---

Leo: Piper!

Piper: This is so not happening.

Leo: Listen to me, Piper. I told you, I've thought this whole thing through.

Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?

---

Prue: Okay any mass vanquishing spells?

Phoebe: You're the one who's been studying the book.

Prue: Why are you picking on me?

Phoebe: Because I'm scared and we're outnumbered.

---

Piper: So, why did you do that to your hair?

Phoebe: To change my luck

Magic Hour

Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.

Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't.

Piper: And neither were hearts.

---

Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?

Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...

Grams: Fine.

---

Prue: What love can't conquer, we will.

Once Upon a Time

Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.

Phoebe: Sure, why not?

Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...

---

Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this?

Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio, what's your excuse?

Prue: Okay. So, it's kinda late, and, ummm, we're all a little bit tired so how about we finish this up tomorrow?

Phoebe: Now look what you did, you went and turned Prue into the middle child.

---

Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.

Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.

---

Piper: I'm done.

Phoebe: What does that mean?

Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? [walks around Phoebe] I going now. ...I'm going now.

Phoebe: I think she's on strike.

---

Kate: Thistle says that if you really believe in fairies, there's something that can make you innocent again so you can see her. [She throws fairy dust on Prue & Phoebe, who begin to giggle and act like little girls] ...I think it worked.

Prue: [bouncing up and down] I want to see the fairy.

[Kate opens her jewelry box, and a fairy flies out. Prue & Phoebe's jaws drop.]

---

Prue: Okay, what was I supposed to say? That some unknown demon came in to try and steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs?

---

Piper: I am a good person. I'm a good witch. And damnit, I would have made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me? I deserve... no, I demand, that you send him back to me. You hear me? I'm going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.

---

Prue: It's just... You don't seem very open.

Piper: I'm as open as I'm gonna get in the next 5 minutes, so, let's just do the damn spell.

---

Prue, Piper, Phoebe:

In this tween time, this darkest hour,

We call upon the sacred power,

Three together stand alone,

Command the unseen to be shown,

In innocence we search the skies,

Enchanted are our newfound eyes.

All Halliwell's Eve

Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.

Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?

Piper: Yes.

Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she?

Piper: Yes.

Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.

---

Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement.

Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.

Phoebe: Thanks.

---

Piper: Nice costume.

Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.

Leo: Mine too.

Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?

---

Piper: Flee! We're not in Kansas anymore!

---

Prue: From what they're wearing it looks to be what the 16...1700's...

Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, oh, 15 minutes.

---

Eva: This doorway would have told us if you were evil.

Piper: Huh! Where can we get one of those?

---

Piper: [referring to the elders] Oh, leave it to them to zap first and give instructions never.

Sight Unseen

Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present.

Prue: Already done.

Darryl: Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the United Nations?

---

Piper: What are those?

Prue: A way to always be prepared.

Phoebe: These are very large contraceptives, Prue.

---

Phoebe: I'm bummed for you Piper, but I've got to tell you, Leo is looking fine!

Piper: I thought you said you didn’t see anything.

Phoebe: I didn’t… at least nothing good!

---

Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!

Primrose Empath

Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.

Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Phoebe: It's a lunch date!

Prue: So?

Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu.

---

Piper: Sometimes being magical takes the magic right out of things.

---

Prue: What's your last name?

Vinceres: Misery.

Prue: In that case, would you like some company?

---

Phoebe: So...how about those Niners?

Cole: What?

Phoebe: The Niners. The Forty-Niners. The football team. You don't follow football? [to Leo and Piper] He isn't human.

Cole: [coughs on his water] Check!

---

Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but...

Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.

Piper: Premonition?

Phoebe: Intuition.

---

Leo: We'll help you out.

Prue: No, no, no. I'll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head.

Piper: Wait, we have couple issues?

Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice!

---

Piper: Here he is. Vinceres, hmm... Pretty much lives up to his gloss. Unstoppable hitman. Just keeps going until he gets his target.

Phoebe: Great. The energizer demon.

---

Prue:

Free thee empath,

Release his gift,

Let his pain be cast adrift.

Power Outage

Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole "staring off into space aimlessly" thing that you've got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent.

Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue.

---

Cole: [to himself] I'm sorry but we have to stop seeing each other, okay. Why? Because, because I have to kill you that's why. Smooth.

---

Phoebe: This is important, he wants to have the talk. You know, are we a couple, are we a one-nighter, are we friends, are we friends that had a one-nighter...?

---

Prue: What is your problem?

Piper: You are. Get your own damn club and keep your paws off of mine!

Prue: Okay, whoa, obviously somebody needs a Midol. (Andras peeks inside the kitchen)

Piper: And I am so sick of all of your stuff laying around. If you can't put your equipment away, then I will! (grabs a lens and throws it to the floor, just as Andras infects Prue with rage)

Prue: (does a slow burn) Who the hell do you think you are?! (grabs a food processor and smashes it)

---

Piper: "Sure, you can use P3 for a photo shoot." Hello? Remember me?

Prue: Oh, poor Piper! Well, you know what? The martyr routine's really getting old.

Phoebe: Hey guys, what's going on?

Prue and Piper: (to Phoebe) Shut up!

Prue: You know what? I am so sorry I didn't check with you about your stupid little club, but I was busy being the only witch concerned about the Triad.

Piper: Oh, right--without the mighty Prue Halliwell, we'd all be dead. Get over yourself, Prue.

Phoebe: Sisters, what has gotten into you two?

Prue: (to Phoebe) By the way, you owe me for a car tow and a tank of gas, you little leech!

Phoebe: I'm sorry, is it "Gang Up On Phoebe Day' and nobody told me?

Piper: News flash--the world does not revolve around Phoebe!

Prue: Yeah, so while you spend the night screwing the DA, we are stuck picking up your slack. (Andras, watching outside the window, infects Phoebe with rage)

Phoebe: What's the matter, Prue? Jealous? All work and no play making you even more boring?

Prue: Oh yeah, there's a lot to be jealous of, Phoebe. What, jealous that I'm still in school? Jealous that I'm still unemployed, and jealous that I am still living off of my sisters?

Piper: Yeah, Grams said you'd never amount to anything.

Prue: I am so sick that I have been saddled with the two of you my entire life!

Phoebe: Whatever, I'm leaving!

Piper: Oh sure--you're such an immature brat, you leave every time you can't hack something.

Phoebe: Well, there's nothing keeping me here now, is there?

Prue: Oh, well I see that you inherited Dad's talent for bailing!

Phoebe: That's because the two of us couldn't deal with living with the two of you!

Piper: Well, at least I'm not so stupid that I had to do college twice.

Phoebe: Well, at least I had the courage to go away to college. What's the matter, Piper? The real world too much for you? I am so sick of the two of you ganging up on me and judging me!

Prue: I am so sick of saving your asses!

Piper: I'm sick of being taken for granted, and those are mine! (yanks one of her earrings off Phoebe's ear)

Phoebe: Ouch! Bitch!

---

Phoebe: Has the tribal council spoken? Am I booted off the island?

---

Prue: Who needs Oprah when we can do it ourselves?

---

Prue: Okay, that's new.

Phoebe: Demon with...demon filling.

Sleuthing with the Enemy

Prue: Pig's feet.

Piper: Yecch.

Prue: Ecch?

Piper: Yecch.

Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh, but you can't touch a pig's foot?

Piper: I'm a vegetarian.

Prue: Since when?

Piper: Since now.

---

Prue: Who are you?

Krell: I'm Krell. I'm a Zotar.

Prue: I'm Prue. I'm a Scorpio.

---

Krell: Just the thought of working with you two turns my stomachs.

Piper: Stomachs?

---

Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor

Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.

Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.

Phoebe: Works for me!

Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?

---

Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Spirits of air, forest and sea;

Set us of this demon free;

Beasts of hoof and beasts of shell,

Drive this evil back to hell!

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Magic forces black and white,

Reaching out through space and light,

Be he far or be he near,

Bring us the demon Belthazor here.

Coyote Piper

Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.

Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?

Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question?

---

Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.

---

Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?

Piper: Only a former cherleader could ask that question.

---

Prue: Wow, you only scored a four, that is just so sad.

Justin Harper: Excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list.

Prue: Right, So I got an F, but dude, you got an F-!

Justin Harper: Ouch! That's a bad high school flashback.

---

Terra: What kind of witch can't vanquish a demon without her sisters?

Piper: What kind of demon has a panic attack everytime her boyfriend comes to visit?

---

Prue: Oh my god.. and she's been acting really.. and she left without saying.. and and the bottle, she wanted to destroy it.

Phoebe: I'm trying to jump on your thought train but you're moving a little too fast for me here.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone,

The alchemist will transform none,

Cruel scientist of evil born,

With these words face the fires scorn.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Host soul, reject the poison essence,

Let loves light end this cruel possession

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so...

---

Piper: He's still staring at me!

Phoebe: That’s not staring, that’s flirting!

Piper: You say tomato…

Phoebe: No! I say relaxo!

---

Piper: Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys? [Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the other end of the bar]

Piper: Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward rejection all by myself.

---

Prue: Hey, alright I need some professional help.

Phoebe: No arguments here.

---

Prue: Anything?

Piper: Nope

Phoebe: Maybe if you did it again with a little more "ummph", you know? Maybe some choreography, Piper could back you up with some old school beatbox.

Prue: How did I know I wouldn't get any help from you?

---

Phoebe: Prue, if you keep ignoring me, my feelings might actually implode.

---

Leo: Why don't we try focusing on the positive? They're together.

Piper: That's it, that's your positive?! Cos I've got a list a mile long in the negative column.

---

Leo: Piper, any minute they are going to walk through that door with a perfectly good explanation.

Prue: Piper!

Leo: See!

---

Phoebe: We thought the good guys were bad guys, and in trying to vanquish them, we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for good guys.

Leo: Was that English?

---

Prue: You know, if this doesn't work I can look back and pinpoint the exact moment where it all went wrong.

Piper: And that moment's name would be Dad? Prue, you gotta admit if he can open the door we kinda need him.

Prue: It's all about word choice Piper, we don't need him, we need his utter lack of power. Right? He opens the door, we save the day, we get on with our lives. It's a one time group effort.

Piper: Glad to see you have a healthy handle on the situation, Prue.

Prue: I think I do!

---

Piper: So your interest in me?

Ice Cream Man: Uh, huh. Strictly professional. I was lost. But until I was sure who you were I couldn't just come out and say, hey are you a Charmed One, 'cos I need you to take me to my demon catching truck.

---

Piper: Whenever I decide to have kids, remind me of this day.

Blinded by the Whitelighter

Phoebe: What she needs, we can't give her.

---

Natalie: What happened?

Prue: Piper froze ya.

Natalie: S-she what?

Prue: [laughing] Yep.

---

Leo: Piper, what are you doing?

Piper:Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?

Leo: She's not in charge.

Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.

---

Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.

---

Phoebe: Who's Natalie?

Piper: She's a f...

Leo: [interrupting] Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.

Piper: That's not what I was going to say.

---

Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

---

Natalie: You must prepare yourselves for battle. Mentally, physically, spiritually, sartorially...

Phoebe: I'm sorry, what?

Piper: She doesn't like our clothes.

Natalie: You need clothes that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless... fearless attire.

Prue: Okay, then I have nothing to wear.

---

Natalie: Alright, lets pretend I'm the enemy.

Prue: Oh, that is way too easy.

(Phoebe claps her hands and Piper giggles)

Natalie: Now, talk me through how you plan to separate me from my crossbow.

Piper: OK, first I freeze you.

Natalie: I deflect that.

Phoebe: I guess I could levitate and kick you.

Natalie: You just kicked a clone.

Prue: All right, how about I send in an astral Prue as a decoy and then I just ... (flicks her hand and yanks the piece of wood out of Natalie's hand) Oh, I'm so sorry. (Phoebe laughs at Prue's sarcasm)

Natalie: Not as sorry as you would be if I just blinked behind you and stabbed you to death.

Prue: Well, that would be bad.

Piper: Ouch.

Phoebe: All right, you know what? This is too hard. Usually in these situations, you know, everything happens so quickly. The adrenaline is pumping.

Natalie: I want you to think using your brains, not your glands. Now try again.

---

Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?

Piper: Don't tempt me.

---

Prue: Something doesn't feel right. This was way too easy.

Phoebe: Or even worse, anticlimactic.

---

Eames: (writhing in agony) What the hell are you doing up here?

Phoebe: Kicking your ass!

Prue: Don't even bother trying to orb out. It won't work. You see, you didn't just get the powers of a Whitelighter, but you get their vulnerability too. So the poison in that arrow is killing you just like you killed Natalie.

Piper: It's kind of poetic.

Phoebe: I'm kind of in a rhyming mood--how about you, girls?

Prue: Sure, this poison isn't working fast enough for me.

Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Time for amends and a victim's revenge ...

Prue: Cloning power, turn sour ...

Piper: Power to change, turned to strange ...

Phoebe: (in a mock Texas accent) I'm rejectin' your deflection.

Wrestling With Demons

Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn?

---

Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!

---

Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous.

Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives.

Prue: What are you babbling about?

Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would. Often.

---

Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring?! It's a good thing you're dead already.

Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...

Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.

---

Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer.

Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like "your hair looks great. Cole's not dead. I let him go."

---

Phoebe: I cast a little spell.

Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am.

---

Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.

---

Piper, and Phoebe:

Guiding spirits I ask your charity,

Lend me your focus and clarity,

Lead me to the one i cannot find,

Restore that and my piece of mind.

Bride and Gloom

Prue: You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement.

Leo: That he can tie a bow tie?

---

Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?

Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?

Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?

Prue: Because Prue doesn't want both her sisters angry at her.

---

Prue: Can I have my lipstick back, Piper?

Piper: What lipstick?

Prue: The lipstick you borrowed last night.

Piper: Wasn't me.

Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with another Piper!

---

Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book.

Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look.

Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.

Piper: But it does have possibilities...

Leo: Piper!

Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was ... [she blinks into the kitchen]

Leo: Piper?

Piper: In here, somehow ...

Leo: You blinked.

Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that.

Leo: Nope, you did it.

---

Piper and Phoebe blink from the kitchen into the living room

Piper: Catch us if you can!

Phoebe: Have you tried it yet, Leo? It's a real head rush.

Leo: Do you realize how serious this is? You're blinking, the Book is changing.

Piper: Maybe we're blinking because of the Book.

Leo: The Book is changing because of you. It is an extension of you.

Piper: I should care about that--but I don't.

Leo: This is what I was afraid of. Whoever's got Prue is somehow reaching you too.

Phoebe: Okay Leo, I can tell this really upsets you, but I gotta tell you, I really like this whole 'think it and it happens' deal. I mean, just think of the time we could save not chanting!

---

after Piper freezes the female wedding planner

Leo: Have you guys lost your minds?

Phoebe: Oh, Leo, get on board. Whatever this is, this is fabulous. You can't imagine the freedom, the power.

Leo: Phoebe, that is evil talking. You have to fight it!

Phoebe: What did you ever see in him?

Piper: I don't know. He is kind of a stick in the mud, isn't he?

Phoebe: Oh, another great idea! May I?

Piper: Be my guest.

Leo: All right, think about the power of ... [he gets cut off when Phoebe waves her hand and turns him into a stick in a barrel of mud]

Phoebe: Look at all the fun we've been missing.

Piper: And this is just the beginning!

---

after Leo orbs out

Piper: Oh no--he's gone. We're free!

Phoebe: Yes.

Piper: No more obeying the rules, considering the consequences--none of that crap!

Phoebe: Time to find Prue and go for broke.

Piper: Where are you going?

Phoebe: Well, I can't wreak havoc dressed like this.

---

Cole: Phoebe, if what I found out is true, Prue is in serious trouble. She's being forced to marry a warlock.

Phoebe: Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder!

Cole: You don't understand. A high-level priestess named Dantalian is rumored to have married them. She's got the power to turn her evil, and turn you evil too. That's what's happening here.

Phoebe: So? Isn't that the way you want me? [she kisses him passionately again]

Cole: No, that is not how I want you to be. It is not how I want us to be. Our only chance is if we're both ... good.

Phoebe: Love is love.

Cole: There is no such thing as evil love. It's only gratification, lust.

---

Piper: What's going on in here?

Phoebe: Nothing, unfortunately.

Piper: I heard voices.

Phoebe: Oh, did you? Um, I had a premonition. Must have gotten pretty loud.

Piper: I guess.

Phoebe: We gotta go. The high priestess that has Prue, supposedly she's coming here.

Piper: High pr--? Must have been a hell of a premonition.

---

Dantalian: That was easy.

Piper: Too easy.

[Phoebe kicks Dantalian from behind, and holds a knife to her neck]

Piper: Where's our sister?

Dantalian: [apprehensively] I can help you. I can teach you evil. You're new at it, you don't know how to realize its full potential.

Piper: I don't know, I think we're getting the hang of it.

Phoebe: Wanna see?

Piper: Where's Prue?

Dantalian: Kill me and you'll never see her again.

Piper: So maybe we should [stomps on Dantalian] torture you instead!

[Piper waves her hand, and Dantalian's hand freezes; Dantalian screams in agony]

Phoebe: Why don't you just shatter her hand and see what happens?

[while Dantalian pants, Piper grabs a candle holder]

Piper: Last chance. [Dantalian stares] Fine. [smashes Dantalian's hand, Dantalian screams in agony]

Phoebe: Now, the really weird thing is we could do that to the other hand, and then go down to your feet ...

Piper: Actually, we could work up piece by piece, all the way to her head.

Phoebe: [waves knife and Dantalian's head] Where is Prue?

---

Piper: Whoa, Prue. Hey, hi. You don't look so good.

Phoebe: Oh, but that's a great dress.

Dantalian: Zile, Prue--eliminate them!

Piper: Prue, ignore her. Come on, come with us--we're your sisters.

Prue: I'm his wife, not your sister. [she raises her hands and sends Piper and Phoebe flying into the wall]

---

Phoebe: Oh yeah, Leo, sorry we killed you.

---

Dantalian: I hope so. (She touches their foreheads.) In the beginning, we were damned, and through damnation, we found freedom, power, and purpose. As I unite you today, I remind you of those gifts. (Dantalian ties Zile and Prue's hands together.) And in your union, may these gifts increase your powers may grow in the service of evil. So be it.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Powers of light,

Magic of right,

Cast this blight

Into forever's night.

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.

Prue & Leo: What?!

Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.

Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.

Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.

---

Victor: Don't get me wrong, Leo, I want this marriage to succeed, that's why I'm warning you. But there are dangers out there worse than demons and warlocks. You do know about them don't ya?

Leo: Yeh, sure.

Victor: Well the dangers I'm talking about, you're not even going to see coming. The thing I'm talking about will just sneak up on you and destroy your marriage if you're not careful. Leo, do you know what a whitelighter is?

---

Cole: You have to hold my hand.

Prue: This sucks already.

---

Phoebe: Well, don't get mad at me, I've been shot.

---

Prue: Hi. What am I? A potted plant?

---

Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?

Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.

Phoebe: He's right.

Victor: How can you be so sure?

Phoebe: Because he loves me as much as I love him.

---

Bartender: What'll it be?

Prue: Moonshine

Bartender: A what?

Cole: She means a whiskey. (to Prue) You watch too many old movies.

Prue: And you would be confusing me with Phoebe.

Cole: Ha, not a chance.

---

Cole: I still think you should have worn that pretty little red dress hanging on the line.

Just Harried

Grams: Is this the biggest arch you could get?

Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.

Grams: Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory.

Phoebe: And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic.

Grams: Oh, my dear, sweet child.

Prue: Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers.

---

Grams: I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family.

---

Inspector: Ah, you stick your tongue down her throat but you don't know her name?

TJ: That against the law?

---

Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired.

---

Phoebe: Piper, you have to stay positive. You know what? I have Celine Dion "Behind The Music" on video cassette. Would you like to watch that?

Piper: Would you like to get slapped?

---

Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.

Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.

Cole: Everybody having fun down here?

Leo: Where do you stand on demons?

---

Victor: Patty.

Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?

Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?

Grams: Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.

---

Piper: Prue! What the hell is going on?

Phoebe: Prue! Get your astral ass back here!

---

Piper: As Halliwells, we are blessed as witches but we are cursed as women. Sometimes I think we're all destined to be alone.

---

Leo: Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I am is yours.

Piper: Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true, that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.

Death Takes A Halliwell

Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.

Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.

Prue: Oh, all hail the queen!

Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!

---

Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..

Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but i'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.

Phoebe: Hehe... you said wife!

---

Phoebe: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!

---

Phoebe: Pardon the potential understatement of a cliche, but you look like you've seen a ghost.

---

Piper: It’s just so bright.

Leo: Of course it’s bright. It’s supposed to represent the light of eternal love.

Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off?

---

Prue: Hi. Need a little help?

Cole: What are you doing here?

Reece: How did you get here? What the hell's going on?

Seeker: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch.

Prue: Don’t make me sick.

---

Phoebe: They retreated?

Prue: Yeah. I kicked ass.

Cole: No, you kicked air.

---

Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help?

---

Prue:

Spirits of air, sand and sea,

Converge to set the angel free,

In the wind I send this rhyme,

Bring death before me, before my time.

---

Prue: You don't know me, you don't know anything about me.

Death: But I've seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steel yourself against me as if I was the ultimate evil.

Prue: You are the ultimate evil.

Death: No. I'm not good or evil, I just am. I'm inevitable.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Knowledge gained by murderous means,

Is wisdom's bitter enemy,

The mind that burns with stolen fire,

Will now become your funeral pyre.

Pre-Witched

Grams: [Flashback] Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture?

---

Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.

Prue: Black hair?

Piper: Bad breath?

Phoebe You know him?

Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.

---

Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers.) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk?

Prue: Excuse me?

Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'.

---

Phoebe So why bother us? Why not just jump in front of nine buses?

Prue: Because we must be the only ones strong enough to kill him.

Piper: And he knew where to find us. What are we in the Warlock's Guide to San Fransico?

---

Phoebe: Saved by the meow! You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Kit in the same way or get undressed in front of him, for that matter.

---

Phoebe: Oops. I think I just killed the warlock again.

Piper: Phoebe!

---

Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks if fun anymore.

Prue: You've never been fun, Piper.

Piper: I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.

---

Phoebe: [Flashback] I’m not sure what my future holds, but it’s not in San Francisco. We all know that the only thing I add to this threesome is trouble.

---

Piper: Sharp painful implement?

Prue: Check.

Phoebe: Ooh! Nice choice.

---

Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?

Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whoop ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...

Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.

---

Shadow: Wait a minute; do you think I am an idiot? You have something up your sleeve.

Phoebe: Hello, sleeveless!

---

Piper: Was that for good?

Prue: Well, if it wasn't he's really gonna miss his ear, 'cause it looks like part of it's dripping off the clock.

Piper: Yuck.

---

Prue: It’ll be just like having your own place.

Phoebe: Except with your sisters right down the hall!

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Beloved unknown spirit,

We seek your guidance,

We ask that you commune with us

And move amongst us.

---

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Nine times this evil's cheated death,

Felt no pain and kept his breath,

This warlock standing in our midst,

Let him feel the pain he missed.

Sin Francisco

Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less wicca wonder, more Prue.

Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I'm searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that.

Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl!

---

Phoebe: Oh my god! It's the coffee maker I wanted.

Prue: Phoebe it's just the carton.

Phoebe: Oh. See I need you, you just protected me from making a fool of myself.

Prue: Now there's a full time job.

---

Piper: Leo, you're a genius, what would we do without him?

Prue: Oh, I dunno. I guess our lives wouldn't be the smooth running carefree existence that they are today.

---

Prue: The three of us can handle the box.

Phoebe: Are you sure?

Prue: Yes! Go. Although you might want to change into, oh I don't know.. clothes, an actual shirt?

---

Prue: A-a-are you drinking in the middle of the day?

Piper: Well, I was a little bummed about this sin thing, so I thought I deserved a little indulgence. Would you like a bit of bubbly?

---

Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with those sin thingys.

---

Phoebe: My ethics professor threw me out of class.

Prue: What happened?

Phoebe: One minute I was telling him why my paper was late, and the next thing I knew I was unzipping his pants with my teeth.

Prue: Oh, Phoebe. You do know that charming the pants off someone is just a figure of speech, don't you?

---

Prue: Unfortunately, what got into you was lust, as in the sin of.

Piper: What, now you think we were infected?

Prue: Hello, gluttony, table for one.

---

Prue: Everything's under control, don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control. Hi, he needs medical attention. The Pastor's inside, I kicked his ass. He needs attention too, he's knocked out.

---

Prue: Yeah, well, my sin's not nearly as fun as yours.

Phoebe: Wait, your sin, I thought you didn't get hit.

Prue: Well, that was the pride talking and it almost got me killed already.

Phoebe: Pride? You didn't seem all that different.

Prue: Oh really, well back at ya.

---

Prue: Hey! Be nice. I don't want to talk about sin tonight.

Phoebe: Me neither!

Prue: So, this is a pretty interesting band. What's their name?

Piper: Orgy.

The Demon Who Came In From the Cold

Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.

Leo: We have to.

Prue: We've been in tighter jams than this before.

Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.

Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.

---

Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your basic kick, freeze and magical move. No offence intended.

Piper: Some taken.

---

Prue: Alright, look. This whole voting together thing would be really, really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe your guys votes should just count as one from now on.

Piper: Bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with ya.

---

Phoebe: They'll track your shimmer.

Cole: Not if we meet in the mausoleum. That's the second safest place I know.

Phoebe: What's the safest?

Cole: With you.

---

Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to maintain stock portfolios?

---

Piper: Wouldn't it be nice to save the world at a decent hour?

---

Piper: Well, since plan A is going so well, I'd love to hear about plan B...assuming that you have one.

Prue: I've got part of it, in the freezer.

Piper: In the freezer? Wait, we're gonna fight the brotherhood with Ben & Jerry's?

---

Phoebe: What is that?

Piper: Demon-Be-Gone.

Exit Strategy

Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Sel Seasay.

Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed.

Leo: Well, great, except that we're not.

Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.)

Leo: Where did you get that?

Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya?

Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. (Leo snatches the birth certificate off of Piper.) This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924.

Piper: No, you weren't. (She snatches it back.) Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school.

Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate.

Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number.

Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.

Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? (She holds up his death certificate.) Let's not get technical now.

Prue: (walks into kitchen) Morning. What's up?

Leo: Oh, probably 3 to 5 years in jail if we're lucky.

---

Phoebe: Piper?

Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?

Piper: No, it was watermelon!

Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?

Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.

---

Piper: I don't know what is up with me everytime I try to freeze, I flame!

---

Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...

Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.

---

Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.

Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.

Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.

---

Piper: Leo should have been back by now. It must mean my powers are screwed forever. They're punishing me.

Jenna: You're a fulfillment of a great prophecy. Why punish you?

Piper: Oh, forgery. Wanting to have a normal life. Getting pissed off. By next week I'll be walking around like Carrie at the prom.

---

Prue: You look like hell.

Cole: You have no idea.

---

Piper: Sorry about knocking you out. Nothing personal.

Prue: Yeah, well, at least you didn't blow me up.

Piper: Yeah, I was kinda relieved too.

---

Prue: For Liza, a lost sister, may her spirit soar.

Piper: For Jenna, our lost friend, may we meet again.

Phoebe: For Cole, a lost love, may you find peace.

---

Leo: Well, I don't have news but I do have a passport.

Piper: You went back?

Leo: Yeh well, I was thinking with everything that's happened and with your new power making life a little crazy.. alright crazier, i figured the least i could do is make it somewhat normal.

Piper: Are you sure?

Leo: Anything that it takes to get you on a plane to Paris.

Piper: Ah, you know what? I think we should wait on that. I wouldn't want to like sneeze at 40,000 feet and have a whole bunch of people explode, that would be bad.

Look Who's Barking

Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.

Prue: Wow, I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.

Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.

---

Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.

Piper: Yes I can.

Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.

Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.

Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?

---

Prue: I think that you're barking up the wrong demon.

---

Piper:So what do we do, wear earplugs?

---

Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.

Piper: What else did you expect?

Leo: A Doberman? [Prue growls]

Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.

---

Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.

[Prue growls]

Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?

Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vaquish a banshee.

Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.

Leo: Yeah!!

---

Leo: Are you okay?

Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog and Phoebe is a banshee, I am not even in the vicinity of okay. How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshees thing a little bit earlier.

---

Leo: Listen to me. We have to save Phoebe before she hurts anyone. If she kills just one person, she will stay a banshee forever.

Piper: Okay, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?

---

Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.

Cole: A Banshee? Huh...that's different.

All Hell Breaks Loose

Phoebe:

Evil wind that blows,

That which forms below,

No longer may you dwell,

Death takes you with this spell.

---

Piper: Ahh, what happened?

Leo: You almost died, that's what happened.

Piper: Yeah, what else is new.

---

Piper: If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.

---

Prue: You're banking an awful lot on that little potion of yours.

Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.

---

Piper: Hello Leo, nice of you to orb in...where've you been?!

---

Cole: Phoebe, we tried it up there, it doesn't work for us.

Phoebe:So where does that leave us?

Cole:Right where we are.

---

Piper: Look at all these interview requests we're getting. Ted Coppell, Time Magazine, Jerry Springer. Sports Illustrated?

Darryl: They probably want you for the swimsuit edition. Just kidding.

---

Prue: Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.

Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.

Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know.

---

Piper: Okay, so Oprah or Barbara? Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah.

---

Prue: And you, why don't you go whitelight a fire underneath your bosses' butts.

---

Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, and then be taken by the C.I.A. and be dissected.

Prue: How can you be joking about this?

Piper: Who's joking?

Prue: Well, I'm not. Alright, I'm scared. And you should be too. Okay, our lives, Piper, everything that we've worked for could be completely destroyed with-with one stupid mistake. Our entire future , our entire destiny could be wiped out just like that.

---

Alice: I killed the wicked witch. The wicked witch is dead!

---

Alice: Hi my name is Alice, Alice Hicks. I've been trying to contact you. I want to join your coven.

Prue: What are you, nuts? This our home, get out of here!

---

Prue: They killed her Leo... they think we're the demons now.

---

Dr. Griffiths: What are you?

Shax: The end.

Season 4

Charmed Again, Pt 1

Piper: I don't understand why magic can't fix this. And why we can't bring Prue back. It's not like we haven't cheated death before. I don't understand why this time isn't any different.

Phoebe: Because Leo can't heal the dead, Piper. You know that.

Piper: There's other magic, magic that we've used before. It's like the book just deserted us and deserted Prue, and I don't understand why.

Phoebe: We lost our sister. How can we ever understand that?

---

Phoebe: I just thank god that I didn't lose you too. Now, we have to get some rest, Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral.

---

Piper: She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister. And I don't know how to live without one.

---

Piper: I don't want to do this anymore, okay? It's over! You can tell them we buried their precious Charmed Ones when we buried our sister.

---

Cole: Honey, what are you doing?

Phoebe: Uh, cleaning.

Cole: But you don't clean. You hate cleaning.

Phoebe: I know. But it's better than falling apart, right?

---

Paige: Oh, never mind. It's boring. All right, but if I tell you all about Paige and you use it against me, I will get out my voodoo doll and make you sorry you're a man. So my sad story is that I'm adopted, only it's not so sad because I loved my parents, God rest. So after they died, I went searching for my birth mother, hoping to get some answers. I went to the police station, found the church where I was dumped at… I checked around. I figured she must've lived near here, you know? They even thought I might've been… related to the Halliwell sisters for a minute, but their Mom died a long time ago, so I gave up on that.

Shane: Well, did you ever meet the sisters, ask them about it or…

Paige: Yeah right. "Hi. I think your Mom might've abandoned me at birth. What's for dinner?" No. I don't think so.

---

Phoebe: Hey, you okay?

Piper: Yeah, sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out, and we pretty much know who to invite.

Phoebe: Piper...

Piper: Just tell me one thing. Are you insane or are you just plain stupid. We bury Prue this morning and you go off tonight and nearly join her. What the hell is the matter with you!?

---

[finding out that there is a possibility that the Charmed Ones can be reconstituted following Prue's death, Piper furiously marches up to the attic]

Phoebe: What's going on?

Piper: I'm going to ask Grams what's going on, actually.

Phoebe: Grams?

Piper: Mm-hmm! Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything, she says. So now it's time to summon her transparent butt back here and find out exactly what that reason is!

Phoebe: Okay, but what would--

Piper: [tensely reciting the spell, interrupting Phoebe loudly] Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee, [angrily] cross now the Great DIVIDE!

---

Patty: It happened after your father and I were divorced, when Sam and I were together.

Cole: Sam?

Leo: Her white-lighter.

Cole: Hmm. Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree, I see.

---

Cole: And I thought my family was screwed up.

---

Phoebe: ...We call the spirits to help undo and send him off to… Timbuktu!

Piper: Timbuktu? You sent him to Timbuktu?!

Phoebe: It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with 'undo'.

---

Piper: Yeah, I'm angry, um, I'm confused, and you know what, this, this is just crazy! You cannot float in here after all these years and go, 'Oh gosh, I forgot, by the way, you've got a sister!' Especially NOT today of all days!

Charmed Again, Pt 2

Leo: It's kind of hard to heal myself when I'm knocked out.

Phoebe: Leo, how is possible for an angel to even get knocked out? I mean, you are, after all, technically dead.

Leo: Three years together, and now you're asking these questions?

Phoebe: Well…

Piper: I think the more appropriate question is, how does a white-lighter get somebody knocked up?

---

Phoebe: Sister witch.

Piper: Half-witch, half-whitelighter. Let's not forget that little surprise.

---

Paige: Let's just say, when I wanted to find out who I was, I didn't want to find out I was a freak.

---

Mr. Cowan: This is none of your business. You're an assisstant, not a social worker.

Paige: That's because you're too cheap to make me one.

---

Phoebe: So, perhaps the whitelighter in her makes it work differently.

Piper: Half breed.

---

Piper: I guess blood's a little thicker than evil.

---

Phoebe: Why did you come to Prue's funeral? I mean, you never even met her right?

Paige: No, I never did. I don't want this to be taken the wrong way, but, I just feel like part of me lost her too. I just.. I felt drawn to her, to all you guys. I guess it was just part of me trying to find out who I was.

Hell Hath No Fury

Piper: Okay, turn left up here. And can you step on the gas a little?

Phoebe: Off the gas! Off the gas!

Cole: Does somebody else want to drive here?

---

Phoebe: Two witches and a half-a-demon does not the power of three make.

---

Phoebe: (to Cole) Aren't you coming?

Cole: To vanquish your sister? I think I'll sit this one out.

---

Leo: Piper, I can't help you unless you talk to me.

Piper: It hurts to talk, Leo... it hurts to breathe...so unless you know some way of how to bring Prue back, I don't wanna talk right now.

---

Phoebe: Instead of teaching Paige how to be a witch, we're out hunting for every Tom, Dick and Beelzebub in San Francisco.

---

Cole: If it's the Source, I'll just ask him to come back later.

---

Phoebe: Piper, Cole's right. We have a system for fighting demons and it's worked pretty well for the last three years.

Piper: I think, uh, Prue being killed counts as a pretty big glitch in the system.

---

Cole: She has no regard for her life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson cubed.

Leo: I said I'd talk to her.

Phoebe: Guys, guys. Who is Charles Bronson? Never mind.

---

Piper: Evil got the Book of Shadows. How did evil get the Book of Shadows?

Phoebe: Oh no.

Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? Evil got the Book of Shadows, 'oh no' doesn't quite cover it.

---

Piper: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?

---

Phoebe: Did you cast any spells?

Paige: One...five...

Piper: Five!

Phoebe: Okay, what did you do just before you turned into Betty Boop?

---

Paige: Tell her Piper. It's all right to hate her. You should hate her. When my parents died, I hated them. I was alone, and I hated them. It is okay to hate Prue!

Piper: How dare you! (she runs towards Paige, then suddenly turns and begins to beat her hands against Prue's gravestone) How dare you leave me! How could you go and die and leave me here all alone, please come back! I need you, please come back...

---

Leo: It's gonna be okay, honey.

Piper: It's not 'okay', she risked her life every day and she never thought about what would happen to me and Phoebe if she was gone. How could she think... that I could live without her?

---

Piper: So, how scary was I?

Phoebe: Heck, I've seen worse. I've been worse.

---

Piper: With everything that happens in our lives, love just feels like an invitation for more pain.

Phoebe: Well... maybe you don't start with love. Maybe you just start with 'thanks'.

---

Piper: (noticing Paige's scratch) You know, Leo could fix that for you.

Paige: It's my first war wound, think I'll wear it with pride.

---

Paige: It'll never be okay that she's gone, Piper. But I promise it will get better.

---

Piper: Paige, there are rules to being a witch, rules that you will have to learn and follow.

Paige: Well, not to be difficult, but... you're married to our Whitelighter and Phoebe's shacking up with a demon. So, on balance, maybe my friend could stay cute?

---

Mr. Cowan: My, my, my. That pile looks about the same size as it did about an hour ago.

Piper: Oh, that was my fault. I distracted her with muffins.

Mr. Cowan: And you are?

Piper: I'm her sister.

Enter The Demon

Piper: Okay. After mixing your potions, what's the best method to preserve unused sea slugs for future use? A) Pickle them, B) Sugar them, C) Smoke them, D) Freeze dry them.

Paige: Well now, you see, if I had extra sea slugs, I'd let those little suckers go right on back into the ocean.

---

Piper: Paige, don't be make me the wicked witch of the northwest. I didn't ask for this big sister gig and frankly it sucks. But since I'm on a roll, you should get rid of that lollipop habit because it's going to rot your teeth.

---

Paige: Next up, some powered toadstool. Bam! Let's kick it up one more notch.

Leo: Whoa, what are you doing?

Paige: You know, just preparing for the Source.

Leo: Oh, is he coming over for dinner?

---

Mason: He said that if he doesn't hurry up and make you a social worker, you'll probably quit and start your own agency. That or end up in jail. He wasn't sure which.

---

Piper: I smell something witchy.

---

Paige: My God, what did you have for dinner?

Phoebe: Kung Pao Chicken. Sorry.

---

Yun Lo: Oh, it's you... black belt Barbie.

---

Leo: Well, here comes your personal trainer from hell.

Piper: Literally.

---

Phoebe: So what's on our training shedule today? light sabers?

Size Matters

Piper: Okay, well like it or not, there have been a lot of changes lately, and this is hardly the biggest.

Phoebe: Ooh, speak of the devil/whitelighter/witch.

---

Phoebe: It's not fair, you shouldn't carry the financial burden.

Piper: I will worry about the source of our income, if you worry about the Source of all evil.

---

Phoebe: Damn it! I am only going to say this once, the real world better start showing me some respect otherwise I'm going to stop saving it every week!

Leo: What happened?

Phoebe: I just had the worst job interview for a position that a monkey could fill, provided that the monkey could explain why it needed flexible work hours.

---

Piper: It's okay, P3 doesn't exist anymore.

---

Piper: Are you siding with Paige now?

Leo: Hey, there's no sides. And, yes.

---

Piper: Do not go into that house. Did you hear me? I said do not go in. It is like talking to a wall!

Leo: She's got the Halliwell hearing.

---

Piper: Well, speaking for my Great Aunt Sylvia, who collect Hummells. When they have a hard time dealing with real people, figurines can be their best friends.

Leo: Yeah, but being socially awkward doesn’t land you in the Book of Shadows.

---

Piper: Well then we need to find Paige, and hope that she's not in trouble, so we can find Phebe and hope that she's not in trouble.

---

Bouncer: Hold it! You can’t go in there.

Piper: Excuse me?

Bouncer: It’s the VIP area.

Piper: Oh! You’re assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big breasted that I’m not important. That’s a bad assumption see, 'cos I own this club which makes me a V.V.VIP!

---

Claudia: Oh, my gosh. How did you do that?

Phoebe: The Power of Three.

Piper: The Power of point-Three.

---

Leo: Okay, well then there's just one more thing that we need to tie up.

Piper: Oh, okay.

Phoebe: Uh, Leo what are you looking for?

Leo: Something very important.

Paige: Broken glass?

Leo: Broken glass that needs healing. Here it is. It's up to you.

Piper: Can you do it? Well, then do it. It looks like P3's back.

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Small of mind,

Big of woe,

The pain you caused,

You now will know.

---

Piper: Oh, he’s way too big for my tiny magic.

A Knight to Remember

Phoebe: Look at me. I look like a drowned rat! I need my blow dryer.

Piper: Pretend you’re camping.

Phoebe: I hate camping.

---

Piper: Phoebe, we can’t just schedule vanquishes. Okay, demon attacks don’t usually fit into the day planners.

---

Glen: Can’t you just be a little late?

Paige: I already am a little late.

Glen: Can’t you be a lot late?

---

Leo: Yeah, she's home... She's just a little, indisposed at the moment.

Piper: Wait, you watch? What are you, a peeping angel?

---

Phoebe: But we could do something about it if we were together, you know, if we lived together 'cos that’s when we’re the strongest. What do you say?

Paige: Are you two out of your freakin’ minds?

Piper: Don’t people storm out of the house when they’re angry...?

---

Phoebe: The Evil Enchantress?

Paige: That's it! That's the evil witch, the one who kills the Prince, after he gets her pregnant, of course.

Piper: Of course!

---

Paige:

Bring together my Prince and me,

Let him fall on bended knee,

I summon him to my side,

That he may take me to be his destined bride.

---

Paige: Piper, do that thing you do.

Piper: I don't wanna blow him up.

Paige: Well risk it, he's using his tongue!

---

Piper: Paige! The Charmed Ones come first!

Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?

Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.

---

Phoebe: He’s wandering around in chain mail?

Piper: It’s San Francisco. No one will notice.

---

Piper: So why is Sir Lust-a-Lot after you?

Paige: How should I know?

Piper: Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen.

---

Leo: This is who you are Paige, you know that. Why are you running from it?

Paige: Oh gee, I don't know. Being hunted by the Source, ducking the Furies and being shrunk by a psycho demon, not to mention being chased after by a bedtime story. I don't know why I wouldn't want the rest of my life to be just like that.

---

Piper: Leo, we are up to our pointy little hats in demonic problems here!

---

Prince: I will not leave until you are with child.

Paige: Okay, a) I always use protection and b) You’re a fairy tale! Just keep that sword of yours sheathed pal.

---

Phoebe: Defiant, clever, and independent. That kind of describes Paige, don't you think?

Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.

---

Phoebe: What if Paige was the Evil Enchantress once upon a time?

---

Leo: What the hell happened here?

Phoebe: Paige's past life almost killed us. That's what happened here.

---

Prince: Just tell me what you want and I will give it to you, I swear.

Paige: Can you make me as good as Prue was?

---

Paige: Does this mean I'm evil?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: No.

Piper: No.

---

Evil Enchantress: Don't tell me I become good in the future.

Paige: Damn good.

Evil Enchantress: And here I was, so looking forward to meeting myself.

---

Piper: What are we supposed to do, go back to the Middle Ages or the Dark Ages, or whatever the hell ages those are?

---

Evil Enchantress: How did you get here?

Paige: I'm Charmed.

Evil Enchantress: Not for long.

---

Piper: Leo!

Phoebe: I thought you were a pacifist.

Leo: I didn't kill him, did I?

Piper: I gotta tell you, I find this side of you very sexy.

Leo: Really?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: You've been holding out on us.

---

Piper: And they lived happily ever after.

Phoebe: Yeah right!

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Vanquish, we three witches cry,

One final shock and then you die.

---

Prince: Why do you run from me?

Paige: Why are you chasing me?

Prince: Becuase we're meant to be together

Paige: That is not true!, does this look like King Arthur's court buddy?

Prince: It doesn't matter, we're meant to conceive an heir my love

Paige: Stop saying that!

Phoebe: You guys want some privacy?

Paige: This is not funny!

Brain Drain

Phoebe: You're changing the subject.

Piper: No, I'm ignoring you.

---

Phoebe: Generations of Halliwells have fought demons and had kids. It didn't stop them, why should it stop you?

Piper: Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is none of your business?

Phoebe: Oh, that's besides the point.

---

Paige: What the hell happened?

Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!

---

Piper: Evil hiding in plain sight, I use this spell with all my might, to stop your changing form and shape, this vanquish deals your fate.

Orderly: It doesn't really rhyme does it? Sorry.

---

Piper: Let go of me so I can blow him up. I'm gonna blow you up!

---

Piper: Leo! Leo!

Paige: Will you stop with the Leo Leo, you're driving me crazier than I already am.

Phoebe: Ahh!

Piper: What? What is it? What did you see?

Phoebe: I saw the back of my eyelids, what do you think I saw?

---

Paige: Hurry up, looney tunes, get me outta here.

---

Phoebe: Sorry...had to grab my broom.

Piper: For what?

Phoebe: Well for flying, silly.

---

Phoebe: [jumps on broomstick] Another innocent to save!

---

Paige: Got milk? Ooh, don't think so.

---

Phoebe: & Paige:

Life to life and mind to mind,

Our spirits now will intertwine.

We meld our souls and journey to,

The one whose thoughts we wish we knew.

---

Phoebe: I think it worked.

Paige: Either that or we're in Mary Poppins' head.

---

Piper:

From whence they came,

Return them now,

Vanish the words,

Vanish our powers.

---

Piper: Are you really my husband?

Leo: Yes.

Piper: And that would make you two really my sisters?

Phoebe: Whether you like it or not!

---

Paige: What do you say we click our heels and get out of this crazy joint. No offense.

---

Piper: Who knows? Maybe someday I could have a baby shower of my own...what do you think?

Leo: Well in that case I think we need to practice a little.

Piper: Leo!

---

(Phoebe gasps and closes her eyes)

Piper: What did you see?

Phoebe: The back of my eye-lids. What did you think I'd see?

Black As Cole

Paige: So I hear you and Leo are thinking about having a baby.

Piper: Where did you hear that from?

Paige: From Phoebe. Oh did I just break some sort of sister confidentiality clause.

---

Phoebe: We have to stop meeting like this.

Cole: Marry me.

Phoebe: What?

---

Paige: You were a demon and a lawyer? Insert joke here.

---

Sykes: Belthazor, we meet at last.

Belthazor: But not for long.

---

Phoebe: What do you want?

Sykes: The same thing you do, only I call him Belthazor.

---

Phoebe: Well, just because you're not a demon anymore doesn't mean we can't live in sin.

---

Paige: A demon who likes to kill witches. Well, that narrows it down to about every page in the book.

Piper: We have one clue. We know he likes to use an athame.

Paige: How does that help?

Piper: Well, it means he has hands. Keep flipping.

Muse To My Ears

Phoebe: Where are you going?

Piper: P3

Phoebe: At 9 in the morning, don't club kids sleep in?

Piper: Corporate party, big money, total nightmare.

Phoebe: Uh, what if there's an attack?

Piper: At 9am? Don't demons sleep in?

---

Piper: Great, well, I say the only good Source is a dead Source.

---

Paige: Who's going to kill us?

Piper: No one.

Paige: That's new.

---

Paige: Who's attacking us?

Piper: No one.

Paige: Right on, I get the weekend off.

Piper: See now that is the spirit.

---

Phoebe: So, I was thinking, since you're the potions master, isn't there something you could whip up? Some kind of protection potion, maybe?

Piper: Pheebs, if there was such a thing as a protection potion we'd be mixing it in our morning coffee.

---

Phoebe: This is perfect. We need a theme. You're an artistic, creative type.

Paige: A theme?

Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion.

Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.

---

Phoebe:

Being of creativity,

Show yourself now to me,

Your light which shines upon our face,

Let our vision now embrace.

---

Piper: Now that I know what we're up against I can practically taste the potion. I don't know what it does, but it tastes pretty good.

---

Piper: I'm making this up as I go along, so power surge or no, you're going to have to be patient. Just like you're going to have to be patient on the marriage front.

Cole: I don't think that's any of your business.

Leo: You don't know sisters very well, do you?

---

Leo: Okay, so what exactly are you doing now?

Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure.

---

Phoebe: It's about good versus evil, and wrong versus right, and our job as witches to fight the good fight.

Piper: Dr. Seuss, is that you?

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Evil is a faithful foe,

But good does battle best,

We witches will,

With these words,

Waste the warlocks evil zest.

---

Piper, Phoebe, Paige:

Being of creativity,

Hide yourself now from me,

Your light that shines upon our face,

From our vision now erase.

A Paige from the Past

Cole: I went from all powerful demon to mere mortal overnight.

Phoebe: You are not mere. Baby, you are anything but mere.

Cole: Next to the Charmed Ones I'm a potted plant.

---

Phoebe: Am I the world's biggest bitch or what?

Piper: Nah, too easy.

---

Leo: No, Clyde ignores them. There's only one way to get Clyde down here. [to Clyde] Clyde! Get your butt down here you fetid worm from the bog of eternal stench! [to Piper] You gotta make him mad. [to Clyde] Your mother was a chunky substance from a gin cesspool! And she smelled bad too!

---

[The three sisters are sitting at the dining room table drinking apple cider.]

Phoebe:(to paige) You haven't told us and we've been dying to know. What happened in your past?

Paige: I found out that I wasn't responsible for the accident.

Piper: Of course you weren't.

(Paige looks sad.)

Phoebe: Then what's wrong?

Paige: It just makes me sad that my parents will never see us, or what I've become.

Leo: Actually, that's not quite true.

(Paige's adopted parents appear in the dining holding hands.)

Piper: Uh, Leo?

Leo: Let's just say that I owe Clyde now.

Paige's Mom: We know who you are honey, what you've become.

Paige's Dad: We've been with you every step of the way and we're so proud of you sweetheart.

(Paige hugs her parents.)(Cut to credits.)

---

Phoebe: Can you take us back to meet John Lennon?

---

Leo: Rough ride. You okay?

Paige: Yeh. I'm alright.. I'm all wrong! I'm so scrooged, I was meant to come back as a ghost, not a ghost with braces.

---

Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the only one left to help me is you.

Darryl: Gee. Thanks.

---

Piper: First they're all over each other at the manor, then they steal a ring and now a wedding dress? Frankie and Lulu's unfinished business isn't criminal, it's matrimonial. They wanna get married!

Darryl: Do you people have any normal weddings in your family?

---

[Paige heads for the exploded car her parents were in. Leo runs over and grabs her. She screams.]

Paige: Let go of me! I have to save them!

Leo: They're gone.

Paige: Why did you bring me back here! Why! I though I could stop the accident!

Leo: You couldn't stop the accident because it was never your fault.

Paige: It was my fault. It was my fault.

Leo: They would have died anyway, it was their destiny. Just like it was your destiny to be saved by magic.

Paige: That's how I got out of the car. I orbed out.

Leo: That's right.

Paige: I could always orb?

Leo: Magic's always been inside of you. It saved you because you were meant to do great things with it, and you have, and you will. This is what you came back here to find, what caused the accident, why you survived it. You need to forgive yourself.

Paige: But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, they'll never know how much I love them. They'll never know what good parents they were.

Trial by Magic

Phoebe: I can't sleep because I miss Cole too much. If he doesn't come home soon, I'm going to turn into a vampire.

Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny.

---

Piper: I don't think you understand..

Paige: I understand that I also pay rent here!

Piper: There is no rent.

Paige: It's an expression.

Piper: No it's not!

Paige: Well it should be!

---

Juror: Hey, I got a premonition. We'll be outta here in time for lunch.

---

Piper: Look out Nancy Drew coming through!

---

Paige:

Let mind and body soar,

To heights not reached before,

Let limits stretch,

That you may catch,

A new truth to explore.

---

Phoebe: I'm gonna need a few things. A sage stick, five white candles and...

Juror: A magic wand.

Phoebe: No, incense. I'm gonna summon the dead.

Juror: Ooooh.

---

Paige: Aah!

Piper: What, demons you can handle, but not rats? Aah!

Paige: Right back at you.

---

Phoebe: What are you doing?

Juror: Looking for wires. This is some kind of trick.

Phoebe: Did you find any?

---

Piper: I don't think it's a good idea if your boyfriend stays here.

Paige: He's not my boyfriend. Sometimes he's my boyfriend, but mostly he's just my really good friend.

---

Paige: You can trust Glen. He's been my friend since, god, kindergarten.

Piper: You haven't been a witch since kindergarten. I don't think you understand.

---

(Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Paige are talking about a murder case. Glen walks in.)

Leo: Hey, there, Glen!

Piper: What did you hear?

Glen: Excuse me?

Phoebe: She said what are you doing here!?

---

(Paige and Glen head for the kitchen)

Phoebe: Is he staying here?

Piper: Mm-hmm.

Phoebe: I think you need to talk to her.

Piper: I did, and apparently I was the only one paying attention.

Lost and Bound

Phoebe: What good is being a witch if I can't just twitch my nose and make the laundry fold itself.

Cole: Which witch can do that?

Phoebe: Samantha Stevens. From Betwitched.

---

Cole: I'm getting more human by the day. What would you say if I became really human, and got a job?

Phoebe: If thats the criteria for being really human then I am in big trouble.

---

Cole: Phoebe we're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo and you accepted while I was bleeding to death.

---

Phoebe: It's just, becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha, she was married to a human, Darren. Darren completely suppressed Samantha's magic, completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it was just that's the way it had to be.

Cole: And this was one of your favourite shows?

---

Phoebe: She went from being Samantha to Mrs. Darren Stevens overnight.

Cole: Well, that won't happen to you.

Phoebe: Won't it?

Cole: No. You'll become Mrs. Cole Turner.

---

Cole: Miss Phoebe Halliwell, I come to you, a man, nothing more, nothing less, to ask, will you be my wife?

Phoebe: Hmm.. Yeah, I will, again.

---

Paige: Urgh, the sun came up again.

Phoebe: Good morning sunshine, let me pour you a cup of coffee. Notice anything different about me?

Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.

---

Leo: It's a lot for any child to deal with. Plus ours will be doublely magical, half-whitelighter, half-witch.

Paige: Hey, that's like me! Oh...you might have some trouble.

---

Phoebe: And Paige, thank you so much for getting him this job. I mean especially now that we're going to be married and he's gonna have to get used to bringing home the bacon.

Paige: Since when does Phoebe care about bacon?

Leo: I'm sure she meant all breakfast meats.

---

Piper: You know what? Don't make our issues his issues. I think you need to give him a chance to learn how to control it. Maybe that's why we met him. To teach him, guide him.

Phoebe: Feed him.

Paige: Wow, Phoebe, you went all out.

Phoebe: Oh, well, you know me. Any excuse to spend a little extra time in the kitchen.

Piper: I do know you and that's just not true.

Phoebe: Oh, but it is now that I'm going to be Sadie, Sadie, married lady.

Piper: Alright, Sadie, how about I take the cookies to the kid.

---

Leo: Phoebe, are you feeling alright?

Phoebe: Peachy keen.

---

Phoebe: (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells) I'm making soup for Cole. He'll eat it in a bowl. I guess thats my new role, just making soup for Cole.

---

Phoebe: Oh honey, what will you do?

Cole: Well, I dunno, I'm still searching for who I am. But we know who you are, which is a demon-fighting, ass-kicking witch who never lets her sisters down. So get out of that bathtub and show me what you're made of!

Phoebe: Better?

Paige: Hey, Cole, how's your progress going on... Oh God, full frontal Phoebe! Sorry.

Cole: She just flashed.

Paige: Yeah, I got that!

Cole: No, no, I mean she just flashed black and white.

---

Piper: Stand back.

Phoebe: What was that?

Paige: I think you just saw a mother lift a car off her child.

Piper, Phoebe, and PAige:

The brittle winter

Gives way to flowers of spring,

Ludlow is vanquished.

Phoebe: What the hell was that?

Paige: A Haiku, I couldn't do the rhyming thing.

---

Piper: Paige, you coming?

Paige: Can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheck.

Charmed and Dangerous

Piper: A demon? What kind of demon?

Phoebe: One with a half a face.

Piper: Yuck!!

---

Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that Last Will and Testament kick? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid.

Piper: No, it's very very responsible. Prue did it, and thank God she did 'cause if she didn't we'd still be dealing with lawyers. No offense.

Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.

---

Cole: Well, one step at a time. First we vanquish the Source, then we'll worry about putting Pandora back in it's box.

---

The Seer: Even now I can see the void where your demon half used to exist, it craves to be complete again.

---

Paige: Oh, my God!

The Source: Not quite.

---

The Source: Say hello to Prue for me.

---

Paige: I don't understand, if we got our powers back, where did the Source go?

The Seer: Into the void.

---

Phoebe: For Prue.

Piper: For Prue.

Leo: What do you say we go home and get started on our future?

Piper: What do you say we go home and sleep, and we work on that future tomorrow night.

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda,

Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace,

Halliwell witches stand strong beside us,

Vanquish this evil from time and space.

The Three Faces of Phoebe

Piper: Maybe you're right, maybe you do need the book. What good is being a witch if you can't use a little magic when you're hurting.

Phoebe: I cannot believe that you're suggesting that. What about personal gain?

Piper: Well, just word the spell properly, avoid it. You should know how to do it by now. Just be pure, ask your heart for the answer. Just don't tell Paige, I just don't want her thinking she can do it too.

---

Paige: I hate it when you're right.

Piper: Really, I usually like it!

---

Piper: This demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.

---

Phoebe: I can explain, you are dreaming.

Piper: Dreaming?

Phoebe: Yes, dreaming. And you are going to wake up in your room and everything is going to be fine.

Little Phoebe: I'm ten, I'm not stupid. Grams!

Piper: Wow, I do not miss that.

---

Cole: Who are you?

Old Phoebe: Maybe this will refresh your memory. You bastard.

---

Phoebe: I cast a spell to hear my heart's desire. And i guess my past self and my future self showed up to help me listen.

Cole: What desire did you want to hear?

Phoebe: That's between me and...me.

Old Phoebe: Worried?

---

Old Phoebe: Ah, the good old days. Of course, nobody's gonna take you seriously until you stop dressing like a tramp.

Phoebe: A tramp? That is so 'in' right now.

---

Little Phoebe: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...

Piper: Honey, you have to listen to me.

Little Phoebe: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

Piper: We're just trying to help.

Leo: She's your sister.

Piper: Yeah, don't remind me.

---

Phoebe: Having a little trouble with young Phoebe?

Piper: Yeah, enough to make me reconsider having children. Maybe we should just lie to her again.

Phoebe: No. I think I have an idea.

Little Phoebe: Stay away from me or I'll sick Prue on you.

Piper: Oh, yeah, don't go there.

---

Piper: Having problems with geriatric you?

---

Little Phoebe: Oh, my gosh! Who are you?

Phoebe: That guy is Cole. He's our fiancee.

Little Phoebe: Wait, you mean he's our prince? The one who sweeps us off our feet?

Piper:: Haha, Prince?

---

Paige: What about little Phoebe? She went back to her time with all this knowledge of the future. Won't that cause complications?

Piper: I doubt it. The minute she starts talking about magic, Grams will do some hocus pocus to erase all that knowledge.

Paige: That's nice.

Piper: That's Grams.

---

Paige: I did the rhyme, I will do the time.

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Hell threw you from it's inner core,

But Earth won't hold you any more,

Since heaven cannot be your place,

Let flesh and blood be now erased.

Marry-Go-Round

Phoebe: And for my two beautiful bridesmaids, whom I chose because they're my best friends in the whole wide world. There's a bonsai tree for balance and harmony, and a dreamcatcher so all your dreams will come true, just like mine have.

Paige: This is so great, tarot cards! My deck is totally trashed, this is perfect.

Phoebe: That's just incase you need psychic services while me and my new husband are busy getting busy.

---

Leo: What is a wedding without a bachelor party? I've got poker chips, corn chips...I have chips!

---

Paige: This is Phoebe and Cole's tarot reading. They were lovers in the past, despair fills their present, but this is their future.

Piper: Oh, please, this looks nothing like Death. Prue met him, I know.

---

Piper: Phoebe, let's not blow this out of proportion

Phoebe: My wedding dress could double as a circus tent, I think things are already out of proportion.

---

Phoebe: Don't think I don't know how you really feel about Cole.

Paige: Ugh, I have been nothing but nice to that demon.

Phoebe: Ex-demon.

Paige: Oh, is that like ex-convict?

---

Piper: You are going to get ready, we are going to put lots and lots of makeup on you.

Paige: Oh face it, there's not spackle in the world to fill those craters.

---

Paige: Listen, we're not fighting each other here, we're fighting evil. We kick evil's ass every day.

Piper: Sometimes twice a day.

The Fifth Halliwheel

Phoebe: To marriage.

Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary.

Phoebe: To Piper and Leo's marriage, may ours be as successful as theirs.

Piper: Yeh, see that still didn't sound like it was about us.

---

Cole: You can't go yet Paige, we haven't gotten to the good part.

Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening.

---

Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order.

Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order.

Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige?

Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheque.

Phoebe: Oh, right, sorry.

---

Phoebe: How do you spell 'oblique'?

Piper: With spellcheck.

---

Phoebe: Yes, Printing!

Piper: Hi, Saving!

---

Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house.

Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...

Piper: Lalala! Oversharing.

Saving Private Leo

Piper: I'll go get the book and brush up on my ghostbusting.

Paige: No, no. I'll go do it.

Piper: You just said you were late for work

Paige: Yeah, but he's a ghost, who knows where he came from, what era. He's like a piece of manhunk history.

---

Phoebe: Cole wants us to get our own place

Paige: What, you mean move out?

Phoebe: Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do.

Piper: We didn't.

Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not normal.

---

Woman: What's going on? Who is that?

Piper: My hero.

Bite Me

Paige: You know what Cole, just bite me.

---

Phoebe: So what's going on, is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?

Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new source!

---

Paige: How many have you had?

Rowan: I don't keep track. Faces all fade away, it's the taste you remember.

Paige: And what was I, fast food?

---

Piper: Maybe this is more than just being run down. Maybe you're pregnant.

Phoebe: That is funny. Actually, it's not so funny.. I went to the drugstore, I got a test, a peed on a stick and I anxiously awaited the results in two minutes.

Piper: And?

Phoebe: And, it was negative, thankfully.

Piper: Yeah, well, mine was too.

---

Phoebe: I left the manor, not the family.

---

Piper: Manticore?

Phoebe: Bites, but doesn't fly.

Piper: Phoenix?

Phoebe: Flies, but doesn't bite.

Piper: Chupacabra!

Phoebe (laughs): God bless you! Flies and bites, but only attacks livestock.

We're Off to See the Wizard

Piper: We only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon.

Paige: If it looks like a demon and walks like a demon.

Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband!

---

Phoebe: I'm pregnant.

Piper: You're what?

Paige: Oh my God, from Cole?

---

Piper: Well maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source, the old one is dead.

Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass.

Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right.

---

Phoebe: You're lying, I can see your wisdom teeth.

Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth.

---

Wizard: Please, Merlin was an over-rated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have ever heard of.

Paige: Does Harry Potter count?

Long Live the Queen

Phoebe: Do me a favor. Find something that strengthens me and doesn’t taste like crap.

---

Piper: This one duplicates my freezing power, plus it scalds the flesh, so we should only use it in a dire emergency.

Paige: No! I will not scald Phoebe’s flesh!

---

Paige: She's like Piper-lite. All the personality without any of those messy emotions.

---

Phoebe: Relax boys. I’m here to cook, not kill.

---

Paige: Your friend Malik is gonna come back.

Phoebe: You don’t know that.

Piper: That’s what they do, Phoebe. They come back. They snarl, and come back.

---

Piper: Paige could see that Cole clearly had turned evil, and she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over... and over. That doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

---

Piper: This time, the Source is Cole. You really think she's going to say a little spell with us to vanquish him?

Paige: If she doesn't, we die.

Piper: Is that supposed to be comforting?

Womb Raider

Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically challenged baby?

---

Piper: What happened?!

Phoebe: Well it's about time! My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago.

Piper: Do not change the subject! Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?!

Phoebe: Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold.

---

Piper: Don't panic, we'll wrap up here and go home and panic!

---

Paige: Why me? I have nothing against that little fu... fetus.

---

Darryl: I left four messages here. Did anybody in this house learn the magic of the telephone?

---

Piper: Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to Ozzy.

---

Piper: So let me get this straight, you summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work so we can all die together?

Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.

---

Darryl: Where is this baby everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?

---

Cole: I was dead before I met you, I was born the day you loved me, and my love for you will keep me alive. Forever.

Witch Way Now?

---

Angel of Destiny: You can choose to relinquish your magic and lead normal lives again, unaccounted, free. We'd wipe the entire slate clean. Nobody would come after you again. Well, what do you say?
Piper: What do we say? Are you kidding? You can't just freeze the whole world and come in here and drop a bombshell like that and expect a quick decision.

---

Cole: This is the Wasteland, where all vanquished demons end up. The beast feeds on their essence, their powers.
Phoebe: So what are you dong here?
Cole: Hanging on to our love.

---

Piper: Okay, in case anyone is wondering, we are officially screwed.

---

Angel of Destiny: Actually it's because of a demon that I've come to see you, which in and of itself is very rare: we angels of destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations: Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein... (with clear embarrassment) Britney Spears...

---

Leo: Hey, did you just freeze me?

Piper: No dear. The Angel of Destiny did.

---

Cole: I'm a demon with a soul, Phoebe. It's rather unique to the cosmos.

---

Piper: Havin' a crappy day?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Cole?

Phoebe: Yeah.

---

Angel of Destiny: By the way, thought you'd like to know, neither decision would've affected yours and Leo's personal destiny.

Piper: What?

Angel of Destiny: You'll find out soon.

Phoebe: Oh my god.

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Don't you get it?

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Don't you get it? She's pregnant!

Piper: Who's pregnant? I'm pregnant?

Phoebe: Hi baby.

Season 5

A Witch's Tail, Pt 1

Piper: Baby Book. My baby book. Oh, look how squishy I was!

Leo: Hmm, you were so adorable.

Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.

Leo: I'm your whitelighter, I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

Piper: Uh huh. Yeh, see that's too creepy to think about.

---

Mylie: You have a very big underwater fanbase.

---

Paige: That's actually the most fun I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died.

Leo: Which time?

---

Craig: Who are you people?

Paige: Witch.

Leo: Angel.

Phoebe: Mermaid.

Paige: Don't you mean Witch?

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Powers of the witches rise,

Find a hag who speaks in lies,

Balance chakras, focus chi,

Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.

---

Piper: Leo, she said Tidal Waves. How far do Tidal Waves travel!?

---

Leo: Will you slow down on this magic kick. Look at your hair, it's still red from the potion you blew up last night.

Paige: Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon?

Cole: Too many people talking at once.

Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!

A Witch's Tail, Pt 2

Cole: Wait, before you say anything-

Paige: Not to say, do, because I'm about to orb your family jewels far, far away.

Cole: Yeah, that would hurt.

---

Piper:

Locked in, boxed in, full of fear,

My panic grows manic 'til I can't hear,

In need of reprieve so that I can breathe

Remove my fear, please make it leave.

---

(To Phoebe as a mermaid.)

Piper: Get in touch with your inner fish.

---

Phoebe: Ouch!

Leo:Sorry I was a medic, not a vet.

---

Leo:Yep,a demon chased her home.

Piper: Well that was nice of him.

---

Phoebe Halliwell|Phoebe]]: will someone please get me back to the ocean before i suffocate? i need the water!

---

Piper:(About demon) Well,i have to thank him,then kill him.

---

Phoebe: You are holding me hostage!

Paige: Yep looks like it.

Phoebe: Look I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea!

Paige: Well the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do.

---

Piper:

Oh please, please. Somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.

---

Paige:

Open Phoebe's heart to Cole,

Reveal the secrets that it holds,

Bring forth the passion of love's fire,

That he may feel her true desire.

---

Piper: Okay...I've had enough. Your treatment of me is shocking.

---

Piper: Oh look out Phoebe, he's packing a seashell.

---

Paige:

Tide of evil, washed ashore,

Bring it's darkness ever more,

With all our strength we fight this fate,

Make this evil obliterate.

---

Piper: Shh! Pheobe's doing a news report in there!

Paige:In the bathroom?

---

Leo:Like the power of two and a half

---

Paige:Weve got to do something before she does something stupid like giving Nancy O'Dell a exclusive with Necktron

---

Pheobe:No,this is not happening. This goes way beyond stalking.

Happily Ever After

Piper: I dont want my baby to turn into a guinea pig

---

Piper: And besides, every other mother to be does not have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.

---

Paige: You want my advice?

Piper: Not really.

---

Piper: This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now!

Grams: Piper!

Piper: Thank you.

Leo: Don't thank me, I didn't do anything.

Grams: What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot.

Piper: What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power?

Grams: Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good!

---

Paige: Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies.

Grams: Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined.

Paige: And you are?

Grams: Why, I'm your Grams of course. Come here.

Paige: No offense, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead?

Grams: Oh, I'm over that.

---

Paige: You expect me to believe that there are giant beanstalks and gingerbread houses that actually existed?

---

Piper:

Hear our call,

For those who fall,

Purge her to awaken,

From this toxic taken.

---

Phoebe: Dead? What do you mean she's dead?

Leo: Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.

Phoebe: The dwarves?

Leo: Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.

Phoebe: Snow White and the Little People?

---

Head Dwarf: When's her prince getting here?

Piper: She doesn't have a prince.

Head Dwarf: No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?

Dwarf#1: I'll do it.

Dwarf#2: In your dreams Stinky. I'll do it.

Dwarf#1: I told you not to call me that.

Head Dwarf: People. A little professional decorum here please. Forgive them, it's been a while.

---

Phoebe: Cole, these boots may be made for walking, but they're never walking back to you,buddy.

---

Paige: Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?

Penny: You were dead, dear. But at least now we have something in common.

---

Cole:Keep your hands off my pumpkin.

---

Piper: Ah, back off Grams. I just saved your ass.

Siren's Song

Phoebe: Death did us part, Cole. Just because you figured out a way to come back, doesn't mean that I didn't keep my end of the bargain.

---

Piper: Paige, I don't wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.

---

Paige: Oh my god, I can't believe he's doing the "look at at me I'm a good guy" routine on prime time. Phoebe must be thrilled.

---

Leo: I'm sure that it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset.

Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy!

---

Phoebe: Woman to woman. Cole was the love of my life, and I'm finally learning to live my life without him. Calling him for a favor would open a can of worms that I've worked so hard to close.

Elise: Woman to woman. If you're still describing this guy as the love of your life, then the can is open, the worms are out, and you may as well use them to go fishing.

---

Piper: Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later.

---

Cole: What? I knocked.

Piper: Doors. People use doors.

---

(Leo burps and fizzy bubble floats out of his mouth.)

Cole: Whoa, what was that?

Piper: Hey, how did you do that?

Leo: I don't know but I'm feeling really nauseous.

Piper: Oh, god, and I'm not. Wait, how, why... Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?

Cole: Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?

Piper: Well, I was. But, now I think Leo is.

Cole: Huh?

---

Leo: "Hey, are your boobs always this sore?

Piper gives a nervous smile.

Cole: "Wait a minute, I'm confused…"

Phoebe: "Cole, maybe you should leave."

---

Phoebe: Okay, here are your crackers, here's a pad and a pen, we need a summoning spell.

Leo: What, now I'm supposed to rhyme?

Phoebe: Yeah, no rest for the whiny.

---

Phoebe: Think what you what, I think my niece is a genius. She did what any good marriage consultant would've done.

Leo: A good marriage consultant would've swapped our powers?

Phoebe: No, she would've made you walk a mile in each other's shoes.

---

Leo: You know, you're a pretty good Whitelighter.

Piper: I learned from the best.

---

Leo: Hey I'm not nauseous anymore.

Piper: Hey I am! Wait, that's not good news…

Leo: What about your powers?

(Piper takes a doughnut, throws it up in the air, and blows it up.)

Piper: Very nice!

---

Cole: So, did you get my flowers?

Phoebe: Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you." Probably not a card that the florist gets to write every day, huh?

---

Piper:Maybe the baby thought that fireworks were prettier than demon guts.

Paige: Abracadabra!

(The broken glass on the door magically gets repaired.)

Phoebe: Nice job!

Piper: You did all that with abracadabra?

Paige: Nah, I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that

Witches In Tights

Leo: P3's still doing great.

Piper: Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.

Leo: Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.

Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.

Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?

---

Paige: Having sex.

Piper: Oh!

Paige: See this is why I don't want to talk to you about this, it's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.

Piper: Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant.

Paige: Urgh, I don't want to know that either.

---

Paige: I think I'm so busy protecting this big ol' secret of ours I guess I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it?

Piper: Marry an angel.

---

Piper: I'm pregnant, not terminal.

---

Ramus: Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again.

The Eyes Have It

Paige: Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor.

Piper: It wasn't the instructor, it was all those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like 'look it's Jasper's first photo and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says Jasper's first photo!'

Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.

---

Paige: I'm just a big, dumb, fat unemployed loser.

Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, dumb, unemployed loser who saves the world.

---

Leo: Alright, you guys yell at her, I'm gonna go check with the Elders and see what they know.

---

Elise: Dear Phoebe, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular and the money's pretty damn good. What should I do?

Phoebe: Stop whining.

Elise: Damn, you are good.

---

Paige: Uh gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?

Piper: The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.

---

Piper: Wow pre-natal yoga this morning and now you wanna crash a stranger's funeral. You really do need friends.

Paige: You're mean.

---

Leo: Well, what happens when they check the security camera to find out why the sonogram machine blew up like it did with Phoebe's baby?

Piper: Phoebe's baby was a demon, ours is an angel for crying out loud.

---

Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed.

Sympathy for the Demon

Piper: Hi! I am off to yoga and then to the salon for a manicure and pedicure. There's a cherry pie cooling on the counter and I will be on my cell.

Paige: Uh uh. Prenatal police lady. Put the mug down, step away from the coffee.

Piper: It's herbal tea. I'm on a natural high today.

---

Piper: Ah, Jinxed! I should have know this was going to happen. It's the story of my life, when everything is going great something will inevitably happen that will ruin it.

Paige: A little spider did all that to you?

Piper: Oh, you just wait, you will see.

Cole: Please, you've got to help me.

Piper: See?

---

Miles: Hey, how long were you married?

Phoebe: Not long, but we were together for two years. The beginning was great it's just the end was, uh...hell.

Miles: Yeah, I had the same experience with my ex.

Phoebe: Uh, no, pretty sure you didn't. Well you know 'cause you know every situation is so different.

---

Cole: I think somebody's trying to drive me crazy.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

---

Piper: Desperate demons call for desperate measures.

---

Paige: What is wrong with you? Is this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Piper? Make up your mind, lady.

---

Piper: We don't need to go looking for trouble. Trouble comes to find us anyway.

---

Leo: As your whitelighter, I would say go with your instincts.

Paige: Okay.

Leo: But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters is pure suicide.

Paige: Great. You really helped clarify this issue.

---

Paige: What does this Barbas do? What's his thing?

Piper: He brings really bad things to life.

---

Phoebe: Okay people, time to get over our fears right now!!

Piper: Easy for you to say. You're not facing killer spiders!

Phoebe: Neither are you.

---

Piper: Playing on an expectant mother's fears. That was a good one. But not that good.

---

Phoebe: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Paige: You're suffocating me.

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry.

---

Phoebe: Paige, orb the potion.

Paige: It's in a puddle.

Piper: You can do it, Prue did.

Barbas: Ay, there's the rub. You're no Prue, are you?

A Witch in Time

Piper: He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common.

Leo: You're right. We- we should just vanquish him.

---

Piper: What is this?! A brothel?

---

Piper: Oh no, they're going upstairs! Should I stop them?

Paige: No, only if you want to make a total ass of yourself - but that's up to you.

---

Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.

Piper: You guys are already getting freaky?

---

Miles: You saved my life.

Phoebe: Oh, it was nothing.

Miles: It was my life.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Miles: I should be dead right now.

Phoebe: Yeh, but you're not. That's good.

Miles: You saved my life.

Phoebe: I think we've been over that part.

Miles: Did I thank you?

---

Piper: Look warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we cannot. You gotta get out of here before she sees you.

---

Miles: Your kisses kill me.

Phoebe: Right back at ya.

---

Piper: Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone defend against.

Phoebe: We're dead.

Piper: Again.

Paige: And again.

---

Piper: Honey?

Leo: Yeah?

Piper: Zip it.

---

Baccarra: And then there were none.

---

Phoebe: How long have you guys been standing there?

Paige: Long enough to know you've got some serious 80's dance moves!

---

Piper: Well...let's just say i had a little premonition of my own!

Sam I Am

Piper: I gotta go home 'cos I gotta interview magical nannies tomorrow and I gotta prepare.

Phoebe: Magical nannies...you mean like Mary Poppins?

---

Leo: You're getting your first charge.

Paige: Are you serious?

Leo: Yeah, well the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.

Paige: That is so great. I am now Paige Matthews, whitelighter-witch... I'm a hyphenate.

---

Phoebe: Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them.

Paige: That sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion

Phoebe: Not when the vigilate is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand.

Piper: Well, that doens't mean it's Cole.

Phoebe: Did I forget to mention the scorch marks?

Piper: That means it's Cole!

---

Paige: If this is where I was supposed to find my charge, you might have told me not to wear my Jimmy Choos.

---

Sam: A little advice, you need to work up a cover. Didn't you read the whitelighter manual?

Paige: There's a manual?

---

Piper: Is that who I think it is?

Phoebe: Mom's whitelighter.

Piper: And Paige's father.

---

Paige: The Elders sent me to protect someone without telling me who he was.

Piper: I'd say that's a bit of an understatement.

---

Piper: You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?!

---

Phoebe: I want him dead. I want this over with. And if this doesn't work, we might not get a second chance.

Piper: Got it. Kill him. Dead.

Y Tu Mummy Tambien

Piper: Everything is so bright and cheery and RUFFLY.

Paige: Your pants stopped fitting you.

Piper: Well, I could have gone up a size or two. I don't have to resort to materity clothes. I just feel so-

Saleslady: Adorable! I think it's you.

Piper: Obviously, you don't know me very well. Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? Ya know, something for the mom-to-be who kicks some ass upon occasion? You know something in black. Or gray.

Saleslady: ... I'll go check.

---

Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict somebody from their own body? That's rude!

---

Paige:

Scrying secrets come to me,

Drop again so I might see.

---

Cole: (makes guillotine appear) I can't wait to see how I survive this.

Cole: (Piper freezes guillotine) Oh, can't you at least let me not die in peace?

---

Jeric: Glad to see you're feeling so alive.

Isis: (as Phoebe) It's this body. I've never felt so much power before, passion, desire.

Jeric: Maybe I should leave you two alone.

Isis: (as Phoebe) No. Just because the witch is in me doesn't mean there's not enough room for you too.

---

Piper: So what? I'm unbreakable, dude.

Paige: Dude, I'm not.

---

Piper: I can't handle this right now.

Leo: What? I told you I was going to have to break a few rules.

Piper: No, no, no. You don't understand, this is the least of our problems. Which ought to give you and idea how bad our problems actually are!

Leo: Come on, it can't be that bad.

Piper: Unless I am mistaken, Cole has teamed up with Jerich and tricked me into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.

---

Piper: I'm not gonna leave my sisters in Egypt with two demonic perverts!

---

Piper: How can you be so evil?

Cole: It's a gift.

---

Piper:

Two warring souls not burn inside,

Where only one can reside,

I call upon the power of three,

To save her body and set Paige free.

---

Paige: We're just playing hookie.

Piper: Well Paige, you can't play hookie, cos see, you're unemployed.

---

Piper: What's the matter with your neck?

Paige: It's this cramp, I've had it for a couple of days now.

Piper: Well, why don't you get a massage?

(Piper looks through a rack of clothes.)

Paige: Oh, yeah, I'll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife. (Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.) No.

(Piper puts the dress back.)

Piper: Well, A, I don't need midwives because I'm delivering with a doctor not sisters. And B, you need to start taking care of yourself because you've actually been working harder than when you were working.

Paige: Yeah, well, someone has to pick up the slack, especially with hermit lady just laying around the house.

Piper: The hermit lady?

Paige: Yeah, Phoebe? Have you noticed she hasn't left the house in weeks.

Piper: What do you mean? She leaves the house every morning.

Paige: No, she leaves the house to go to work. I can understand wanting a break from guys, but come on already, she's gonna wear out the batteries.

Piper: Ah, Paige!

(Paige's phone rings; she answers it)

Paige: Hi Phoebe. We were just talking about you.

Piper: And your batteries.

The Importance of Being Phoebe

Piper: I say we go back in there and pull her out by her hair!

Paige: No, no, we can't make a scene. We need a plan.

Piper: Ok, here it is. We go home...we vomit...

Paige: And?

Piper: That's all I got so far.

---

Paige: Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.

Leo: Ok, didn't need the visual.

---

Piper: Okay, I like the sound of that. Sluttly and manipulative. That's better than evil any day.

---

Phoebe: Alright, don't call me sweetie. You can't hold a person prisoner and then call them sweetie.

---

Piper:

This witches power cannot fight,

The lure of evil's magic might,

Before misuse lands her in hell,

Remove the powers of Phoebe Halliwell.

---

Kaia: (as Phoebe) Knife in the panty drawer...my kind of girl!

---

Kaia: (as Phoebe) You don't deserve him.

Phoebe: How many times do I have to tell you I don't want him!

Centennial Charmed

Paige: (after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish!

Leo: (reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS!

Paige: I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside!

Leo: Firstly, congratulations, cool potion.

Paige: Thank you! (she curties)

Leo: Secondly, it will never work.

---

Phoebe: What about water birth, can we do that at home?

Eva: Yeah, we could rent a tub.

Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish!

Leo: Well, actually dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals.

Piper: Shut up!

---

Lazarus Demon: Go to hell.

Piper: I'm already there.

---

Paige: And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties.

Piper: Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all.

---

Piper: So you say the club is still successful in this... 'alleged' other reality of yours?

Paige: It's not alleged, it's real. And it's... really good.

Piper: Oh yeah, am I a millionaire?

Paige: (smiles a bit) No, not that good.

---

Piper: Well, how pregnant am I, exactly?

Paige: Phoebe and I are practising to be your midwives as we speak. We're preparing for the big home birth!

Piper: Home birth, you're nuts, I'd never agree to that, I - I wouldn't give birth unless it was in a hospital-!

Paige: Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality. Hey, who else but a sister would know that?

Piper: (looking tearful] We must be pretty close then, the three of us.

Paige: (she nods, also fighting back tears)

Piper: Like Phoebe and I were with Prue...

Paige: Yep, close enough to have avenged Prue's death together.

---

Piper: Did you guys try to vanquish Belthazor ever?

Paige: No, but you and Prue almost tried! You guys had a vanquishing potion, right?

Piper: How do you know that...?

Paige: Book of Shadows. Also says that it needs a piece of his flesh to make it work.

Leo: That's right, it did.

Piper: (she looks at him, then at Paige) All right then. (takes out a dagger) Let's go hunting.

---

(Cole walks in on Phoebe and another demon kissing. He exterminates the demon with an electricity ball.)

Phoebe: (infuriated) Are you KIDDING me? What did you do that for?!

Cole: What'd I do what for? You're in here screwing some guy, I'm supposed to ignore it? You're my WIFE, God damn it!

Phoebe: Oh, you have got to be kidding me, after all this time now you're playing the aggrieved husband?!

Cole: (flings the contents of her vanity table on the floor) You DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S ALL WRONG! It's not the way it's meant to be here!

Phoebe: Okay, it's okay, relax...

Cole: (almost in hysterics) This is all messed up! How'd it get messed up? You have no idea what I've given up for you!

Phoebe: (she gapes at him) Wh-what about what I've given up, Cole? I've given up my family, my heritage, my life!

Cole: Oh yeah, from where I'm standing, it looks like you have a pretty damn good life to me!

Phoebe: (strides forward and looks him straight in the eye) Look, the only one getting anything out of this is you. And I have no idea what that is. The only reason I'm still here is to make sure that what happened to Prue does not happen to Piper, and you know it!

Cole: (despairing) What happened to us, Phoebe? How'd we get here? We used to be so in love! Even without your sisters, it's not working... Why?

Phoebe: (regretful) I don't know... Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. (she walks out, leaving him alone)

---

Cole: (stares as Piper appears) What are you doing here?

Piper: Saving my sister. (she blasts Cole into the wall)

---

Cole: (looking up from the floor, he sees Paige standing there) You!

Paige: Surprise! (she runs forward and slices a piece of skin from his hand with Piper's dagger)

---

Cole: GO! Go get her sisters, they just attacked me!

Demon: Sisters? You mean there's another?!

Cole: Yes, damn it! Get 'em and kill 'em on sight!

Phoebe: Paige was telling the truth...?

Cole: I didn't go through all this to lose you, Phoebe. If I'm going down, you're going down with me!

---

---

(Paige, Leo and Piper sneak into the mansion to try and kill Cole. They peer around the corner into the entry hall.)

Paige: Anything?

Piper: No.

Paige: 'Kay. Come on!

(They creep into the entry hall past the stairs.)

Phoebe: (running down the stairs) What are you guys doing here? You have to leave, now!

Piper: Where's Cole?

Cole: (surprising them) Right here. (he lobs a fireball, sending them crashing against the wall)

Phoebe: No! (she kneels by them while Cole summons his vanquishing potion) What did you do to them?!

Cole: Exactly what they were gonna do to me. (he and Paige glare at each other)

Paige: (taking Piper's wrist) She's still alive, grab her hand!

Phoebe: (bewildered) What?

Cole: I don't know how you got here, Paige, but if it's any consolation, I know exactly where I'm gonna bury you. Right next to yourself.

Paige: (she glares at him and then looks at Phoebe) Grab her hand!

(As Phoebe does so, a white light shines over the three of them. Cole tries to attack them but his fireball bounces off the light.)

Phoebe: (standing up) The Power of Three.

Paige: (also standing That's us. Potion! (her powers activated, the potion orbs from Cole's hand to hers)

---

Paige: I'm telling you he's gone. For good.

Phoebe: Yeah, that's what we thought last time.

Piper: And the time before that.

Paige: Cole's not coming back ...ever.

House Call

Piper: Alright, Sally, go meet Harry.

---

Phoebe:

Free us of the ties that bind,

Of evil magic intertwined,

We call upon the one who cures,

He who's to the Dark inured.

---

Witchdoctor: Now where's the evil?

Piper: Oh, here, there, everywhere.

---

Witchdoctor: Ever vanquished a demon in this house?

Phoebe: Oh, only about a hundred.

Piper: Give or take..

Phoebe: Another hundred.

---

Glen: Hurt, why? Wait, you thought you and I...

Paige: No! no. I didn't think that at all

Jessica: Glen, the minister's waiting

Glen: You okay?

Paige: I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologise for not being very friendly earlier, I really am sorry.

Jessica: Thankyou, thanks for saying that.

Paige: I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette!

Jessica & Glen: What?!

Paige: And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic, I should get the number for a friend of mine.

Glen: Paige, what the hell is wrong with you?

Paige: Me? Well nothing's wrong with me, I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman!

---

Spencer Ricks: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen baby. Oh wait, that's a woman's place, isn't it? So then you wouldn't have anywhere to go, would you?

Phoebe: You know what? You are a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns. (She turns him into a turkey) But they do make delicious dinners.

---

Phoebe: A little help here.

Piper: What are you doing with that thing?

Phoebe: Well, first I'm going to kill it and then I'm going to stuff it.

Piper: You are not bringing that filthy thing in the house.

Phoebe: Oh, yes I am. Thanksgiving is early this year.

---

Paige: Listen, Piper, you can't just vanquish an entire house. Especially not our house! People are gonna notice.

---

Piper: Yeah, actually. Take her to the attic and keep her away from that turkey.

Phoebe: Yeah, take me to the turkey.

---

Paige: Talk about premature jubilation. You guys really ought to talk to a doctor about that.

Sand Francisco Dreamin'

Paige: Now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while I was driving over here.

---

Paige: Besides, everybody is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well!

---

Piper: Why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun.

Paige: Did you say erotic?

Piper: (loudly) Exotic! I said exotic!

---

Dream-clown: Who's the clown?

Phoebe: Who's the fox?

Dream-guy: I'm Piper's dream lover.

Piper: Oh! Oh no! Listen we've never slept together in the dream, world, place...

---

Leo: It doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.

Piper: Well at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although I guess that's what you've been dreaming about.

---

Leo:What about me!

Piper: Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with, and the tracer. We'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.

The Day the Magic Died

Phoebe: I thought you said you tied them up.

Paige: I did, but the little flockers got loose.

---

Phoebe: Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for a baby. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn?

---

Pheobe:You take the magical farm animals and put them in the basement

---

Paige:Your Spanish...Ondilay

---

Piper:...Here Unicorn...

---

Phoebe:

Take this beast,

Before I end her,

Ship her back,

Return to sender.

---

Stanley: My name will haunt you to your grave!

Phoebe: What was his name again?

Paige: I don't remember.

---

(dragging Standley's body)

Paige: Mmmm! Come on dead guy!

---

Cronyn: I hate good magic...fairy tales, wishes on stars, and children who believe in Santa Claus. Mortals don't know it exists, but magic infuses all their hopes and dreams.

Paige: Stand back. I think he's gonna break out in song.

---

Cronyn: Magic must be saved. And it's up to us.

Paige: Us? We're us. You're them. We don't help thems. Sorry.

---

Cronyn: My cell phone's on the back in case your sister changes her mind.

Phoebe: Cronyn, huh? Since when do sorcerers have cell phones?

Cronyn: You think that's bad? I've got a taxi waiting out front. Call me.

---

Phoebe: Yeah, but I kinda liked his whole 'world without magic' speech. Very Capra.

Paige: It was pure Crapa.

---

Doris: Oh, girls, I just wanted to let you know how I feel about your father. I.. I just feel so, so lucky. He's the most special man I've ever met.

Piper: Thank you.

Phoebe: That's the sweetest thing you could ever say to us.

Doris: Well it's true, you know. He's so.. he's so kind and he's so sensitive and.. oh, he's the most exciting lover. I mean, girlfriends, he can go all night!

---

Paige: These were mine, and now will be yours. Chain-mail top, from my club days. Steel-toed boots, from my mosh pit days. Handcuffs, from last Friday.

---

Leo: Okay, well it's really nothing to worry about. Magic has disappeared from the world and Phoebe and Paige went to have a summit meeting with evil so they could fix it. See, nothing to worry about.

---

Phoebe: Step aside, bitch.

Paige: Yeah, that's our job.

---

Piper:Phoebe, if you love me, you will send this crazy bastard straight to hell!

---

Phoebe:

Beast of legend, myth and lore,

Give my words the power to soar,

And kill this evil evermore.

---

Paige: Is that what I think it is?

Phoebe: Uh, if you're referring to Mr. Winky, between the legs, yes.

---

Leo:wa what'd i miss?

Piper:A LOT!

Baby's First Demon

Piper:They knew about the forcefield.They almost flew him outta the window.

---

Pheobe:Can't they have maternity leaves for new aunties??

---

Piper:Hey! Hes just a baby! He's small and little and...

---

Piper: I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on.

---

Phoebe: Yeah well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school.

Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.

Piper: After seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no Muggle.

Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell? Or is it Wyatt?

Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it, and I want what's best for him. That's why I'm going to say no to Potter.

---

Piper: The demons saw the forcefield, they're gonna try and find a way around it.

Paige: Well unless they can get up to Elderland, he's gonna be fine.

---

Piper: Magical goods? My baby is a "magical good?" That is just sick and twisted.

---

Leo: How'd it go with the new boss?

Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I want to bear his children, but that's besides the point.

---

Piper: Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension, which means at the very best we end up with a neurotic infant.

Leo: Look on the bright side... growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway.

---

Piper: I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of Demonville is after our child.

---

Parastie demon: Who are you?

Piper: I'm the mother.

---

Piper: It's just so hard to leave. It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.

---

Phoebe: Oh...I could just eat your little face...

Piper: Phoeb? After the parasites that did actually kinda want to eat him...not so cute.

Phoebe: Gotcha! Oooh, I could smush you! Oooh, I could just smush your little face!

Piper: Much better.

Paige: Is that his new name? Smush Face Halliwell?

Leo: 'S about as good as everything else we've come up with.

Phoebe: No new ideas, huh?

Piper: Actually-

Leo: No, we've been so busy with the alarm and the demon fighting and the sister saving. (he looks at Paige)

Paige: Sorry...

Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige, you were brave! And you inspired me to fight and you made the world a safer place for our baby... which is why I would like to give the baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super-protective Aunt Paige.

Phoebe: I think that's a great idea.

Piper: (looks at Leo) What do you think?

Leo: (he smiles) Yeah.

Paige: (touched) Thanks.

Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name! Wyatt, in honor of his very protective daddy.

Leo: (stunned but happy) Really? (Piper nods) It doesn't begin with a 'P'...

Piper: Well, so we break with tradition.

Lucky Charmed

Phoebe: My date is a demon!

Piper: Huh? What? That guy? But he's so hot.

Phoebe: Yeah. Hot as in flames of hell hot. Look, I had a premonition. He devours his victims. I'm next. Freeze the room.

Piper: Uhh! My sister, the demon magnet.

---

Piper: I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband.

---

Piper: Freaking ever useless Elders!

---

Piper: Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat, but then I gotta go.

Phoebe: I cannot schedule in sisterly chat.

Piper: I'm telling you. You got 4 minutes and 55 seconds.

---

Paige: My sweater shrunk.

Piper: Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that.

---

Piper: Hello, have you forgotten about the big-boob fiasco??

Paige: No, my back still hurts.

---

Paige:

Finances have run amok,

Creditors I soon must duck,

I cast this spell to find good luck,

And hope my life will cease to suck.

---

Seamus: What is this, a coven or a day-care center?!

---

Neil Giraldo: Hey, how ya been Seamus? It's been a long time.

Seamus: Don't even try it Neil, I already hit you with my best shot, that's all you get.

---

Phoebe: No, actually...nothing happened.

Seamus: What? That's impossible. Did you take any risks? Get lucky with that fella?

Piper: What 'fella'?

Phoebe: I think he's talking about Jason. And no! I did not get luck with Jason... Not that I'd want to anyway...

Seamus: Hmm... So the burned child dreads the fire, eh?

---

Phoebe: My bruises have bruises.

---

Saleel: The Charmed Ones. It's about time you got here

Phoebe: Yeah, well, we had to make a little pit stop somewhere over the rainbow.

---

Paige (while trying to hand the red-haired leprechaun Seamus's staff) Here. I think, this belongs to you.

Red-Haired Leprechaun: Actually, darlin', I think Seamus wants you to keep this. For all you done for us, for savin' our kind.

Paige: Aw, you guys kinda did that yourselves. It was your luck, after all.

Red-Haired Leprechaun: Ha hay, but it was your fighting spirit that sparked it. The same spirit Seamus had.

Paige: I wish I could, accept that, compliment, but… I was just looking to be reimbursed, to tell you the truth. I felt like… magic owed me.

Red-Haired Leprechaun: And you still feel that way?

Paige: No. I don't.

Red-Haired Leprechaun: Doesn't matter what brings a person; only what they leave with.

Cat House

Phoebe: She was engaged to a warlock.

Paige: Dan was a warlock?

Phoebe: Oh no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber and a ghost before Dan. And actually the ghost was the best of the bunch.

Paige: See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I meant to be petty and judgemental without all the info.

---

Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the clock!!

---

Piper:

Let the truth be told,

Let our lives unfold,

So we can relive our memories,

And stop being enemies.

---

Phoebe: I was under a spell. Evil

Paige: Evil? You were blonde!

---

Phoebe: Wait a minute. You just said something.

Paige: I did? Was it smart?

---

Leo: I work, she says I'm never around. I quit my job, she says I'm around too much.

---

Piper: We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like somebody need to get a life first.

Leo: And one of us needs to be wife first.

Phoebe: Oh, easy on the rhyming.

---

Piper: Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk?

Phoebe: Very funny.

Katrina/Kit: No, I'm fine. Although, I wouldn't mind some kibble. If you've got any.

[Katrina holds a serious expression while Piper stares at her with disbelief. She finally breaks into a smile.]

Piper: That's not funny.

---

Piper: Yeah, by the way, what was with the scratching of my bedpost? What was that?

Katrina/Kit: I had to keep my nails sharp.

Piper: Yeah, see, that's just very creepy.

Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun

Phoebe: I did something really bad! I slept with my boss!

Piper: Jason!?

Phoebe: No Elise...yes of course Jason!

---

Piper: You color-coded the Book of Shadows?

Paige: Uh huh.

---

Piper: We need Phoebe!

Phoebe: Hello?

Piper: Ask and you shall receive!

---

Paige: Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.

Piper: It is if you're good at it!

---

Jason: Isn't that your sister?

Phoebe: Yeah...Paige!

Jason: She's one of the Godiva girls?!

---

Phoebe: Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason!

Piper: Oh good, so this is all your fault then?

Phoebe: Uh huh.

Piper: Perfect.

---

Phoebe: Are we back to blaming you again?

Piper: Yep.

Phoebe: Just checking.

---

Paige:

Changing seasons, changes all,

Life renews as creation calls,

Piper:

Nothing is immune, everything transmutes,

So take this demon and give him roots.

---

Piper: He is so innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.

Leo: They turned a very bad man into a very big tree.

---

Leo: Rock on.

Piper: Don't do that.

Leo: Rock on.

Piper: Give it up man.

Sense and Sense Ability

Piper: I'm telling you, it's not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore and if he keeps growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send him off to college by next week

---

Phoebe: Oh my god! Piper, you're blind!

Piper: Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that.

Phoebe: What did she say?

Piper: What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.

Phoebe: I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes.

Piper: Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me.

Phoebe: Oh Piper its no use, I can't even hear you.

---

Piper: Alright, speak and spell.

---

Phoebe: You killed Aunt Pearl's couch.

---

Phoebe: Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Ooh, you're pissed! You're...PMS monkey?

---

Piper: What about Leo?

Phoebe: Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon?

Piper: Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.

---

Piper: Everything okay?

Paige: Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe: You're making a love potion?

Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion.

Piper: So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige: No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.

Phoebe: You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Paige(Sighing exasperatedly): Stay with me people.

---

[Paige points to her ear.]

Phoebe: You hear something?

[Paige nods and makes a talking motion with her hand.]

Phoebe: You hear puppets?

Necromancing the Stone

Phoebe: Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up. And none of that toxic poop you do sometimes. Grams hasn't been around babies since she was alive.

---

Piper: Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams: Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe: Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige: (in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams: Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo: (offended) Wrong?

Grams: (backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper: (determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

---

Grams: Now they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.

Leo: Excuse me?

Grams: Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men.

Leo: But you've been married four times.

Grams: Exactly.

---

Leo: (talking to Wyatt as Piper and Grams go upstairs) Now you know why we don't summon her more often... yeah.

---

Nate: I always sorta thought this stuff was real, you know, I just didn't really know it was really real. Oh my God, my wife is going to love this!

Paige: Excuse me?

Nate: Did I just say wife?

Paige: You're married? You never told me you were married.

Nate: I didn't tell you that I had children either, but...

---

Grams: And, you know, men are just so...

Paige: Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.

Piper: Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.

Paige: Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.

Piper: He's married?

Paige: Yeah. With two kids.

Piper: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams: I told you she should have gotten a dog.

---

Necromancer: Penny!

Piper: Penny?

---

Phoebe: What's going on here?

Piper: Your grandmother hates your nephew. That's what's going on here.

Grams: That's not what I said.

Piper: Oh, she only said that she hates men!

---

Piper: Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?

Phoebe: Right.

Piper: Okay, well, now she's dead!

Paige: You sound so happy about that.

---

Grams:

I call forth from space and time,

Matriarchs from the Halliwell line,

Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends,

Our families spirit without end,

To gather now in this sacred place,

And help us bring this child to grace.

Oh My Goddess, Pt 1

Phoebe: Well my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed, but I still managed to sign up six people. and you have?

Paige: I have none people.

Phoebe: Hmm. None people.

---

Phoebe: You and Leo are back in the saddle?

Piper: So to speak..

Phoebe: Yay you! God I miss sex!

---

Piper: I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now.

---

Phoebe: I'm all over him.. it! I mean it.

---

Paige: Did you get anything?

Phoebe: Yeah, frost bite.

---

Piper: Friend or foe?

Phoebe: Not so sure yet.

Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?

Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you?

---

Phoebe: Ooh check out the size of that Oracle's...ball.

---

Piper: I'm going to go see what Future Boy is up to.

---

Piper: What are you doing?

Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over here.

Oh My Goddess, Pt 2

Paige: Power? Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?

Chris: Because you are the Goddess of War.

Paige: Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitch fork.

Chris: It's not a pitch fork, it's a trident. Be careful, that's a formidable weapon.

Paige: Right on. Who wants to fight?

Phoebe: I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Chris: You're the Goddess of Love.

Piper: Naturally. Well, then that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I find this ridiculous!

---

Phoebe: Paige, make love not.. you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... hurdle.

---

Chris: What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild?

---

Paige: Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus 100 AD.

Phoebe: Love will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s.

---

Cronus: Who are you?

Paige: The Supremes.

---

Phoebe: Oh my, my, my! Aren't you just the edible elder? Have you taken a vow of celibacy?

---

Phoebe: One more question...what are you wearing underneath that robe?

Roland: More robes.

---

Piper: Don't you jingle me, mister!

---

Phoebe: Or how about "I'm going to go check with the Elders". Do you really think he checks with the Elders?

Paige: No. He probably orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies a round of drinks. "Yeah, my wife thinks I'm up there. Here's to the Elders".

---

Chris: Don't worry, one day you'll learn to trust me...they all will.

---

Leo: You need to channel your hearth and home instincts to fight the Titans.

Piper: I was speaking from the heart not the hearth.

---

Leo: You're not the ancient greeks, you're the charmed ones. I didn't give you anything you can't handle. Phoebe, you lost yourself to the darkest love that ever existed, and you came back. Of course you can handle being the Goddess of Love.

Phoebe: I never thought of it that way.

Leo: Paige, you're the Goddess of War because you've been consumed with gaining power but you've never let the power consume you. And Piper, is it any wonder that I made you the Goddess of Earth? You are everything that is good and beautiful in this world, the mother of my son.

Piper: You really have that much faith in us?

Leo: You really need to ask that?

---

Piper: It's not nice to piss off Mother Nature.

---

Phoebe: Thank God!

Piper: You're welcome.

---

Piper: I can't just give up. I don't know how.

---

Piper: You asked me to marry you and I said yes. You wanted a family and I gave you a son. And now you want me to just watch you walk away?

Season 6

Valhalley Of The Dolls, Pt 1

---

Phoebe: All right, all right. What do you want advice on?

Chad: See, there's this woman that I like, and I'd like to ask her out. But I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do?

Phoebe: Well, why don't you just ask me and find out?

---

Paige: I'm a dog-walker. The temp agency messed up.

---

Phoebe:

From other worlds far and near,

Let's get him the Trok out of here.

---

Paige: What kind of whitelighter can't heal?

Chris: For the record, you can't heal either.

Paige: I'm half whitelighter. How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you?

Chris: Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the elders.

Phoebe: Any other little surprises you'd like to share with us?

Chris: No. Look, I haven't been a whitelighter very long, okay? And healing, it's big. And takes a while to learn how to do.

Phoebe: Great, student-lighter.

---

Paige:

Powers and emotions tied,

A witch's heart is where it hides,

Help her through her agony,

Bless her with her memory.

---

Phoebe: Oh, Piper, hi! You're never gonna believe this. I think I have a new power. It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately, like why I wanted to date Chad and why my advice has been so amazingly accurate. I know, this is huge, right? Huge. So what's my new power you ask? Oh, I'll tell you. Do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago? That guy that could feel what other people were feeling?

Chris: Uh, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Just a sec. I think that's what I am now. An empath. I am an empath. That's my new power. Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know.

Chris: Neither does she, I'm afraid. Know, that is, anything. Paige erased her memory.

Piper: Can you blow things up too?

Valhalley Of The Dolls, Pt 2

Paige: Well that little magical whammy you performed on her kind of, um, backfired.

Phoebe: You see, after you left, Piper was really...

Paige: Chipper. Yeah, incessantly, increasingly, annoyingly chipper.

Phoebe: What she said.

Leo: Well, it was supposed to make her feel less pain. I guess with me not around to pull it back a little bit, she got happier and happier?

Paige: Um, no, psychotically chipper.

---

Leo: Paige...

Phoebe: Let her go. It might seem silly to you, but it's important to her, I know.

Chris: See? It helps to be an empath.

Phoebe: No, it helps to be a sister.

---

Biker: Hell's bells. What have we got here? What, is there a Xena convention in town or something?

Kara: On your knees.

Biker: Excuse me? I got a better idea. How bout you get on your knees instead.

Kara: Who are you to speak to us that way?

Freyja: Kara.

Kara: You don't command us, we command you.

Piper: This isn't Valhalla. You don't have dominion over men here.

Freyja: Then how do you train them? How do they take orders?

Piper: They don't.

---

[Lots of dogs are barking.]

Paige: What is going on here?

Oscar: Badass fight, that's what.

Paige: Who said that?

Oscar: Oh, wait, you mean you can hear me? Well, hallelujah. It's about time.

Paige: Please don't tell me you're talking to me.

Oscar: Are you kidding? I've been trying to get your attention for two days now. I'm in serious trouble here.

Paige: Okay. It's okay, Paige. You've dealt with weirder stuff than this. Maybe-maybe my powers are just advancing. Maybe I can understand animals now.

Oscar: Oh, please, give me a break. Until you accepted that there might be a reason you got this job, you weren't going to be open to helping me.

...

Paige:

I call upon the Halliwells.

I call our powers to undo this spell.

Make right again, that we must.

Reverse the curse that made this mutt.

---

Phoebe: Okay, but you don't have to yell at me. 'Cause I can sense how mad you are.

Paige: Okay, just 'cause you can sense doesn't mean I can't vent.

---

Phoebe: Reverse the spell. Reverse the spell.

Paige: All right, uh.

Spell was cast,

Now make it pass.

Remove it now,

Don't ask me how.

---

Phoebe: I mean, just because I could feel some glimmer of Piper's feelings doesn't mean she can. She's completely cut off from them.

Chris: Wait, wait, wait, hold it. Isn't there a spell that allows somebody to feel what you feel? Which in this case would be Piper feeling what you're feeling Piper should be feeling... Did that make any sense?

Paige: Um, frightening, it did.

---

Paige: Well, then the question is how do we get close enough to her without her kicking our butts?

Phoebe: I could use my new power to counteract hers.

Chris: How do you figure?

Phoebe: Well, our powers are emotion-based, right? If I can channel Piper's feelings, why can't I channel her powers? And then use them against her.

---

Paige:

Open Piper's heart to reveal,

That part which only Phoebe feels.

Send it back from whence it came,

But don't protect her from the pain.

Forget Me... Not

Leo: Chris, what are you doing sitting around here? Aren't you supposed to be getting to know your new charge?

Natalie: Oh, hi, Leo.

Chris: Okay, look, before you get mad, you're the one who wanted me to have a charge in the first place. Remember?

Leo: To protect her.

Natalie: Oh, he was using protection.

Chris: Yeah, I don't think that's what he meant.

---

Paige:

Moments lost make witches wonder.

Warlocks plot or demons plunder.

If this is not a prank.

Help us to fill in the blanks.

---

Piper: [to Wyatt] Okay, bud, here we go. Here we go, okay. Hey, lookie, how about this? [picks up a teddy] You like this guy? Hello. No? Pheebs, a little help here.

Phoebe: We hate that toy. It's yucky and crusty and gross.

Piper: Okay, then what does he want?

Phoebe: That. [points at the TV]

Piper: Yeah, see, I am a failure.

Paige: No, you're not. We just happen to have more pressing concerns right now than the media's influence.

---

[Phoebe and Paige orb onto KLMV News]

Kaneisha (Presenter): I don't know what's happening here, I--

Paige: Well, it's called magic, Kaneisha. Witchcraft, specifically. I really love your... jacket! [orbs the jacket to her]

Phoebe: Wanna see more magic? Let's check in with Piper at the Golden Gate Bridge. Take it away, Piper!

[Cut to a VT of Piper]

Piper:

Let the object of objection become but a dream

As I cause the scene to become unseen.

[Golden Gate Bridge disappears] You might want to take an alternate route to work in the morning.

The Power of Three Blondes

Phoebe: She's at her new temp job.

Chris: She's still on that kick?

Piper: It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic.

Chris: Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness on a temp job?

---

Nanny: Let me take the boy for a walk.

Piper: All right. Just don't forget a hat for those ears.

Nanny: I always keep the baby warm.

Piper: I meant yours.

---

Mitzy: We made the book of shadows? what, no picture?

Margo: Just a paragraph. A really, really tiny paragraph.

Mabel: "The Stillman Sisters: Mabel, Mitzy, Margo. Common witches known for their small-time hustles and cons. Not worth vanquishing. If they become a nuisance, try a simple spell to bind their magic."

Margo: Oh. Well, at least we got an entry.

Mitzy: Yeah, but look at what they think of us. Common witches, not worth vanquishing?

Mabel: Is that right? Well, check what these common witches just did. We're standing in the home of the Charmed Ones. We got their powers. We got their Book, and we got... blonde, multi-tonal hair. Who's the nuisance now?

Margo: We are.

Mitzy: Oh yeah!

---

Piper: Without picture ID's, we got no credit cards, we got nothing. It's like we don't exist.

Paige: Everyone in the world thinks we're these trashy blondes. I do have to hand it to them, though. They've taken identity theft to a whole new level.

---

Paige: Ah, don't worry, this blonde couldn't hit the broad side of a beauty parlour. I mean, check out that dye job!

[The Stilman sisters gasp]

Mabel: How dare you!

Love's A Witch

Phoebe: Trust me. The sooner you get back on the dating horse, the easier it will be.

Piper: No, I know. You're right, you're absolutely right. It's just, the truth is, I'm a little scared. I mean, I was married to an angel, for crying out loud. Who is gonna compare to that?

Phoebe: I know, but, Piper, you also dated a demon, a warlock and a ghost, you know. That's what you should be scared of.

Piper: Super pep talk, sis.

---

Phoebe (while Leo & Chris are fighting): Oh, there’s a lot of love in this room!

---

Phoebe:

Lead me back,

From whence this came,

Help me help my sister's pain.

---

Paige: Oh, she’s not only butting in, she’s taking sides.

Phoebe: Look, Paige, it's not only what I saw but it's what I felt. Don't you think if they just tried to kill someone I would have felt some intense anger coming from them? But I didn't.

Paige: I don’t know. Are you sensing any intense anger coming at you right now?

---

Leo: How was your date?

Piper: Short.

Leo: Short? You mean like "leprechaun" short?

Piper: No, Leo, he wasn't short, the date was cut short by this.

---

Phoebe: OK, they’re all here and these people are in major need of peace talk.

---

Paige:

Unknown spirit, we call to thee,

Those who wish to set you free,

Cross on over so we may help,

Come to us, reveal yourself.

---

Piper: Okay, let's look at the bright side. We settled a family feud, we set free a tortured soul, maybe your new power and Paige's new solo path away from the sisterhood, is some kind of synergy, that is all working together in some kind of divine way.

Phoebe, Paige: Nah.

My Three Witches

Paige: Well call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll.

---

Phoebe: You've got me, Jason Dean. I'm yours. So no more wooing.

Jason: Okay, no more wooing. I guess I'll cancel out helicopter to Carmel for dinner.

Phoebe: No, no, no, maybe a little bit more wooing.

---

Phoebe: Yeah. If I had to guess, I would say it's a world of desire, but it's not my desire, it's your desire. I can feel how much you want all of this for me.

Jason: Yes, Phoebe, I want everything for you including sanity. If I die, promise me you'll see a doctor.

Soul Survivor

Phoebe: I have half a mind to call Jason and complain about it, but I don't wanna use our relationship for leverage.

Piper: What's the use of sleeping with your boss, then?

Phoebe: Becuase I actually enjoy sleeping with my boss.

Piper: Yeah, don't brag.

---

Zahn: Consider yourself repossessed.

---

Leo: Thanks for not listening to me.

Chris: Any time.

---

Piper: What the hell is going on?

Paige: Bitch later, vanquish now.

Sword And The City

Paige: Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur...?

Phoebe: Yeah, nothing. Nada.

Paige: Really?

Piper: Told you.

Paige: You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever come across it before.

Phoebe: Well, we have run across these guys, executioner demons, lower-level badasses for hire.

Piper: Who hired them?

Phoebe: This higher-level badass. [shows them the 'Dark Knight' page in the book]

---

Mordaunt: The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny.

Piper: Oh, crap.

---

Mordaunt: It's drawn to you, just like you're drawn to it.

Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?

Mordaunt: You will be in time.

Piper: No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.

---

Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help.

Paige: I'm your girl. I really am. We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does.

Phoebe: Yeah, but I can't tell you what to do. I mean, how weird is that?

Paige: Well, it's no weirder than usual.

Phoebe: Oh, I see.

Paige: Just kidding, sort of.

Little Monsters

Phoebe: I sort of told him that I loved him last night.

Piper: Oh, and this is bad?

Phoebe: No, except I said, "I love you too." As if he said "I love you" first, which he didn't.

Piper: So wait, you told him that he loves you before he told you that he loves you? Yeah, that's not good.

---

Paige:

Blessed with powers from my destiny,

I bless this hero with invincibility.

Chris-Crossed

Phoebe: What about you, missy? Spill it!

Piper: Spill what?

Phoebe: Come on, you and Greg? Put out any fires lately?

Piper: Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?

Paige: Wait a minute. You're going out with a fire-fighter?

Phoebe: Let's see, they've been seeing each other for about three weeks, and someone, I won't say who, although it's not the fireman, is avoiding taking it to the next step.

Piper: I'm not avoiding. I'm just a little reluctant, that's all.

Paige: My dear, it is time to get back in the saddle.

Piper: Now a cowboy reference.

---

Phoebe: That is one bitchy whitelighter.

---

Leo: What would you say if I told you whoever attacked Chris was called a Phoenix?

Paige: Well, I would say, "What's a Phoenix?" and then you'd probably tell me.

---

Chris:

I call upon the ancient power,

To help us in this darkest hour.

Let the book return to this place,

Claim refuge in it's rightful space.

---

Chris:

Hear these words, hear the rhyme,

Heed the hope within my mind.

Send me back to where I'll find,

What I wish, in place and time.

---

Woman: Wait, do you have to leave so soon? Can't I help?

Bianca: Yeah. Someday when I ask you what it feels like to kill, don't lie to me. Don't tell me you don't feel a thing.

---

Wyatt: Et Tu, Chris? Of all the people to betray me.

Chris: I didn't go back to betray you, Wyatt. I went back to save you.

Wyatt: Save me? From what?

Chris:From whatever evil it was that turned you.

Wyatt: That's always been your problem, Chris. Stuck in the old good versus evil morass. I'm so past that. It's all about power, it's as simple as that.

---

Chris: [To baby Wyatt] If I can't save you, I swear to god I'll stop you.

---

Bianca: Haven't we been here before?

Chris: Maybe we will be again

Bianca: Maybe

---

Bianca: You'll just have to hope the power of two will work, wont you Paige?

Witchstock

Grams: You and Paige moved out? When?

Phoebe: A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.

Grams: Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?

---

Grams: Men are like utensils; you use them, wash them, and throw them in a drawer until you need them.

---

Young Grams:

They have no right,

They have no power,

Turn their hate sticks into flowers.

---

Piper:

Come to me and be seduced,

I have a girl to introduce.

Fall for her, you can't resist her,

Trust me, mister, she's my sister.

Phoebe: Yeah well Why Me?

Piper: Well he's not my type

---

Young Grams:

May peace and love,

From the moon above,

Flow through your heart,

On the wings of a dove.

---

Young Grams: What do I usually do at this point?

Phoebe: You usually do something very final, if you catch my drift.

Young Grams:

Snuff this warlock,

His days are done.

But make him good for the ecosystem.

Prince Charmed

[As a birthday present Phoebe and Paige are creating the perfect man for Piper.]

Paige: Sensitive, but not a wuss-bag.

Phoebe: And someone that is a good listener.

Paige: Okay, good cook.

Phoebe: Handy around the house.

Paige: Good with kids.

Phoebe: Gets the whole normal-life thing.

Paige: Has a really big--

Phoebe: Paige.

Paige: Uh. Is this the perfect guy or what?

Phoebe: All right, throw it in.

---

Phoebe & Paige:

A perfect man, we summon now.

Another way, we don't know how.

To make our sister see the light,

Somewhere out there is Mr. Right.

---

Phoebe: Why not take advantage of him while you can? I mean, figuratively speaking, of course.

Paige: Oh, hell, literally, it is your birthday.

---

Paige:

On Piper's day, set this table.

With all the favours you are able.

Used Karma

Richard:

I call to thee, pure witch's fire.

Through Vortex flow, The heavenly mire.

Cleanse brackish karma of debris.

From dark to light, sweep history.

---

Phoebe: Je ne sais pas, pourquoi?.

Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry?

---

Paige: Okay, she's French. Bad karma. Napoleon?

Piper: Probably not.

...

Paige: Okay, what about Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France?

...

Paige: Okay, let's see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public-- Oh, my God, I saw something in here. [Reading from a book] Famous females spies: Mata Hari.

Piper: Wasn't she one of the bond girls?

---

Phoebe: Are you in charge here?

Swarm King: I am.

Phoebe: Good. Because I'd like to get into bed with you. Not literally. Although... there may be time for that later.

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Demon swarm that serves as one,

Vanquish him from which they come.

The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell

Phoebe: The whole biological clock thing, it's very real and it's echoing: tick, tick, tick, tick...

Piper: Okay, neurotic people, can we get back to my neurosis right now, please?

Phoebe: Sure, which one were we talking about?

Piper: The one where I'm a rotten mother who's raising an antisocial child.

Phoebe: Okay, you know what? I think we should help the magic school, because we can't just keep that head on our foyer table, you know? What is it, a centre-piece?.

---

Paige: [after meeting Gideon] Who does he think he is? Obi-Wan Kenobi?

---

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Power of three, unite!

End this grizzly fright,

Reverse the roles,

And make us whole.

---

Phoebe: I need you to be honest with me. No games, no running away. Just the truth.

Chris: Okay.

Phoebe: Are you Wyatt's little brother?

Chris: [sighs] ... Only if I can get Piper and Leo back together in time.

---

Phoebe: There was a wolf following us

Sigmund's Head: Not everybody sees what you see, Phoebe. Only those who are meant to see, see

Phoebe: What have you got in there, Confucius?

---

Piper: [to Shapeshifter Boy] Hey, watch it! I still have a mouth. I'll turn you into a toad

Piper: [After Shapeshifter Boy is turned back] Next time, I'll give you warts!

I Dream of Phoebe

Phoebe: I've been calling for you all week, didn't you hear me?

Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on mute.

Phoebe: You can put me on mute?

---

Chris: Oracles, furtune tellers, soothsayers, they all say the same thing. If Mom and Dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed.

Phoebe: Okay, I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew... I never hit on you, did I?

Chris: What? No.

Phoebe: Oh, thank god.

Chris: Can we focus here, please? Mom and Dad need to have sex. Now, who's gonna tell them, you or me?

---

Jinny: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches.

Paige: Oh, yeah? Well, when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Ha ha. How do you like that?

---

Chris: Alright, I made a little wish.

Paige: You did what?

Chris: Two little wishes.

Paige: Oh, great. It's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?

Chris: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.

Paige: And?

Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.

Paige: Eww! Oh my god, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting!

Chris: No...

Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.

Chris: No, no, no...

Paige: Oh my god, you are so gross.

Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son.

Paige: What?

Chris: They're my parents. I came back to save my family.

Paige: You're serious.

Chris: Yeah. Only now I've gotta save myself. Because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.

Paige: This is all so wrong! And this has been such a long day...

The Courtship of Wyatt's Father

Paige: She knows we're up to something. I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid.

Phoebe: Paige, that is disgusting.

Paige: Well, it's what we're trying to do, right?

Phoebe: No, we are trying to romance Piper and Leo together so they can conceive Chris, our nephew.

Paige: And that's different how?

Phoebe: Well, because what you said is very Springer, what I said is very Oprah.

Paige: Well, what ever show we’re watching, we are running out of time.

Piper: What's going on?
Phoebe: Maybe you should sit down.
Piper: That doesn't sound good.
Phoebe: I think it's good, how about you, Paige?
Paige: I think it's good, I mean it's not bad.
Piper: Oh, that sounds worse.
Paige: It's just complicated, you know.

Paige: Chris is your son.
Phoebe: Wyatt's brother. Look I know this is huge.
Piper: No, It's not huge, because it's not possible. It's crazy! I'm not pregnant! How could that happen!? I mean, I know how that could happen! But, it...... What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Maybe you should talk to Leo about it?
Piper: No! I can't!
Phoebe: Why?
Piper: Well, because, because, because I can't!

Chris: Is this a bad time?

---

Leo: I never stopped loving you.

Hyde School Reunion

Paula: Todd! There you are, sweetie. (notices Phoebe) Oh, and there you are. I was wondering if you'd have the nerve to show up.
Phoebe: What do you mean "nerve"?
Paula: Oh. You're the talk of the reunion. You know, you can fool San Francisco with your pithy advice, but you can't fool us. We all know you, sweetie.
Todd: That's enough, Paula.
Phoebe: So what is that supposed to mean?
Paula: It means you're a fake. The only thing you were ever known for
was lying and ditching and stealing boyfriends.
Paige: Phoebe, are you gonna let someone with a giant helmet that passes for hair talk to you like that?
Ramona: God, Paula. Just because Todd had a thing for Phoebe, you don't have to be so mean.
Paula (to Ramona): I'm not being mean. I'm doing her a favor. (to Phoebe) To the rest of the world, you might be "Ask Phoebe", but to us, you'll always be "Freebie".
(Phoebe looks hurt. She turns and walks away)
Paige (to Phoebe): You okay?
(Paula smirks with pride. Paige glares at Paula, then walks away to follow Phoebe)
Paula (to Todd): Hey. Let's dance. Hmm?
(cut to the hallway. Phoebe is walking and Paige follows her quickly)
Paige: Hey. Why didn't you just tell that chick to go screw herself?
(Phoebe turns into Teen Phoebe, then quickly turns back into her adult self)
Paige: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, what just happened?
Paige: You tell me.
Phoebe: I have no idea. I was just standing here, and then I had some weird high school flashback.
Paige: Yeah. Your whole body just flashed back.
Phoebe: What? Are you kidding me? I-I just felt-
Paige: Pissed?
Phoebe: Very.
Paige: Well, as someone who's seen Carrie, both versions, I'd say the reunion is over

---

Piper: He was dying and I was crying....

---

Paige: And she's under the influence.
Chris: Of alchohol?
Paige: No. Adolecence.

---

Teen Phoebe: Well I'd rather be rich then a bitch!
(Paula turns into a dog as everyone gasps, dog Paula runs away through the group of people)
Ramona (shocked): What the hell was that?!
Teen Phoebe: I don't know but it was so cool!
Teen Phoebe: The past is the future, the future is the past. Let's welcome back the senior class!

---

Phoebe: Make them see what cannot be, Flames that leap to make them flee, Make him hear what isn't there, His deepest worries come to bear''.

---

Rick: Now, my face. Make it different. Heartbreaking, charming, young.
Phoebe: You know, I'm thinking maybe you should use our nephew for inspiration.
Paige: Who you were, you're now another, Take the face of Wyatt's brother.

Piper: Chris, is that what you've been living with knowing that something happens to me? I see, well does it happen soon?
Chris: I can't tell you that, it could change the future in even worse ways.
Piper: Right, but isn't that why you came here in the first place, to make the future better? How do you know that you haven't already changed mine?
Victor: She's got a point.
Piper: Well, whatever it is it obviously doen't happen until after you're born so save it. Got it?
Chris: I got it, mom

Spin City

Paige: So are you happy?

Piper: 'Bout what?

Paige : About what the doctor said: it's gonna be a healthy baby.

Piper: Of course it's a healthy baby, I've seen him 22 and walking around.

Paige: Well you never know, something could've gone wrong!

Piper: Oh, stop being such a worry wart, you're starting to sound like...[Chris orbs in] Chris! What are you doing here?

Paige: This better not be about demons, 'coz I am on my lunch break!

Chris: No, no. I just wanted to check how it went with the doctor.

Piper : Well. You'll be happy to know that you're a boy!

Chris : Funny. That's not what I meant.

Paige : [looking at ultrasound] I don't see it...

Piper : Oh, see it's this little thing over here...

Chris : [snatches ultrasound away] Hey! Excuse me, do you mind? [pauses, looks at ultrasound and squints]

---

Chris: Wait, you had a force field when you were pregnant with Wyatt but not with me?

Piper: Well I didn't have one, he had one. It was all him.

Chris: From the womb? He had powers from the womb? Great, it's not like I didn't have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you!

Piper: [to Paige] Did you find that demon yet?

Paige: Yes, actually I did. The Spider Demon. It comes out of its lair every thousand years to feed on the most powerful being it can find, that would mean you. [looks at Piper]

Chris: And me.

[Piper and Paige look at Chris. Chris looks up.]

Chris: Sorta.

Piper: You must be so proud.

---

Piper: Okay, what do you say we make this eight legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?

Paige: Wait, Chris is right. The whole Wyatt force field thing...

Chris: Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?

Paige: Aren't there any therapists in the future?

Chris: We need Phoebe.

Piper: No, I don't wanna interrupt her date with Mark.

Paige: Actually, it's Mike this week.

Chris: No, it's Mitch, but who cares. We need her.

---

Paige: Are you hormonal or just plain crazy?!

Piper: One woman can only take so much.

Paige: What do you think these people are gonna do when they step out of their offices?

Piper: Well, they won't be touching my stomach anymore, that's what I think...

[Piper unfreezes the room]

Paige: [to lady who was touching Piper's stomach] It's okay, it's okay. We all get a little vertigo sometimes.

---

Leo: Phoebe, Paige, how are you?

Paige: Not so good, we have a problem.

Leo: Perhaps we should meditate...

---

Chris: [while he's punching Leo] You don't know me!! You don't know me!!

---

Paige: Bugspray, we shoulda used bugspray.

---

Chris: Why fight when I've already won.

---

[The troll knocks at the entrance of the cave. Inside, the Spider Demon growls as she is interrupted from feeding on Piper's cocoon.]

Spider Demon: Damn it. Can't a demon eat in peace?

[She leaves the cave, walking through the webbed doorway.]

Spider Demon: You're pissing me off, ya know?

Paige: Yeah, that's the idea.

---

Paige: Step on her!

[The troll stands on the Spider Demon (who has tranformed into a spider)]

Phoebe: Eww! That is so gross!

Troll: Sorry!

Crimes and Witch-Demeanors

Phoebe: How is Piper? Have you seen her?
Chris: She's good...Uh, big. You know, I keep thinking how weird it's gonna be to actually see myself being born. .

---

Chris: I think I have a new theory on who might be trying to turn Wyatt evil.
Paige: Oh, a new theory. What's that? Like the third one this week?
Chris: What're you keeping score now?
Phoebe: She's just grumpy 'cause she hasn't had her coffee yet.
Paige: I am not grumpy. (Phoebe gives her a look) Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But you have to admit you've had a lot of different theories lately, and none of them have panned out.
Chris: That's why they call them "theories".
Paige: Do we even get along in the future?

---

Tribunal Demon (talking about the Cleaners): I care.
Phoebe: Yeah, you're a demon.
Tribunal Elder: I care too.
Phoebe: Oh...well never mind then.

---

Elder: What do you have to say for yourself Barbas?
Barbas: I'm a demon. What do you expect?

A Wrong Day's Journey into Right

Paige:

A perfect man, I summon now.

Another way I don't know how.

Bring him now into the light.

Come back to me Mr. Right.

---

Phoebe: Well, let's just hope that we find him before he finds us!

(the door bell rings)

Phoebe: Hm... Maybe that's another one of your suiters that you've conjured for your own personal gain and pleasure.

Paige (irritated): Oh, I hope so! (to Mr. Right): No offense.

---

Phoebe: "Use my blood", you said. "It's his blood too", you said.

---

Phoebe: Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing?

Paige: Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, never for myself and never a sex toy.

Mr. Right: I am not a sex toy.

Phoebe: Quiet, you.

Paige: Well, we did it for Piper before.

Phoebe: Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate.

Paige: Well, maybe I am too.

Chris: Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here?

(Chris points to Mr. Right.)

Phoebe: How long has this been going on?

Paige: About three weeks.

Phoebe: Three weeks!

Paige: Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break.

Phoebe: Yes, but I meant take a day off, you know. Go to the spa, have a pedicure, get a massage.

Mr. Right: I massage her.

(Phoebe gags.)

Chris: Not something, someone. Demonatrix.

Phoebe: Look Chris, what you do in your spare time...

Piper: (laughs)Phoebe?! Are you here to save me or kill me?

Phoebe: I havn't decided yet, turn around.

Witch Wars

Phoebe: Have you lost your mind?

Paige: No. Another witch was killed last night.

Phoebe: Oh, no.

Paige: Oh, yes! And she had active powers, so I need you to go home where I can keep an eye on you.

Phoebe: Paige, you're my baby sister, not my baby-sitter.

Paige: Oh, that's clever. You're very clever. I'm glad that while I'm panicking, you have the time to be clever.

Phoebe: Ok, it's very sweet that you're worried about me, but I am fine, and I have a lot of work to do here.

Paige: Great. Do your work from home.

Phoebe: I can't do it from home because Kyle Donie is not at home.

Paige: Who is Kyle Donie? Is this about a guy?

Phoebe: No, it's not about a guy. It's about a reporter, one who knows everything there is to know about crime and criminal investigation and since we don't have Darryl's help anymore, he's the only resource I have.

Paige: Fine. (hands her the potions vials as she tells her what they are.) Explosive, acid, smoke bomb. Use them.

Phoebe: Thanks, mom.

---

Leo: (refering to the Games Masters) I'm gonna kill them.

Giedon: No Leo you're an elder now non-violent. Remember?

Leo: Watch me.

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 1

Chris: You know your time-travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling.

Gideon: Googling?

Chris: Never mind.

---

Piper: (to Paige) Don't forget diapers! Lots of diapers!

---

[IN the alternate underworld, which looks like a jungle. Good and Evil Paige both answer their ringing cellphones.]

Paiges: Piper. Hello?

Piper: Where the hell are you? I'm in labour!

Phoebes: Is she OK?

Paiges: She's in labour.

Piper: Is there an echo?

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 2

Chris: You're laughing! That's great...your nephew almost killed and you're laughing!

---

Paige: So we're starring in a little movie called Pleasantville.

---

Leo: Hey, I'm here now you can hold on okay? Hold on, hold on... I'm here, you can hold on. Don't give up, okay?

Chris: You either...

Leo: No,no,no. Please, no,no, please no...

Chris fades away to nothing

Season 7

A Call to Arms

The Bare Witch Project

Paige: This is Godiva.

Piper: Godiva?!

Paige: As in... lady Godiva. In the flesh, so to speak.

---

Piper: PLEASE, don't tell me you've been vanquishing demons with the children.

Leo: Well, Chris was fussy. It calmed him.

---

Paige: It's okay, it's just a graze.

Phoebe: I still can't believe an Elder attacked you.

Paige: I know, they're supposed to be pacifists, right?

Piper: Have you seen Leo lately? Speaking of which. Leo!

Paige: He's a little mad at me and I can't say I blame him. I did kind of mess things up.

Phoebe: Well, that doesn't explain why he tried to kill you.

Lady Godiva: Pardon me.

Paige: I think the demon did something to the Elder, got him to free up his repressed anger somehow.

Phoebe: Oh, probably wasn't breast fed as a child.

Piper: Phoebe.

Phoebe: What?

Paige: Well, either way, we wouldn't even be in this situation, this demon wouldn't even be here if I hadn't have had the great stroke of genius to try to save school.

Phoebe: So why do you think he tried to kill her?

Lady Godiva: If I could just...

Paige: Maybe he knew what I didn't know. Which is that since they came together, they have to leave together.

Phoebe: Yeah, but why wouldn't he want to go back?

Lady Godiva: If you would just listen to me.

(She removes the robe she was wearing. Piper, Phoebe and Paige look away.)

Phoebe: Oh!

Piper: Wow!

Lady Godiva: Which is apparently still the only way I can get anybody to listen to me.

Piper: Woman, keep your clothes on, this is a family show. Really.

Cheaper by the Coven

Phoebe and Paige summon Grams.

Grams: Not a good time, girls. I'm busy.

Paige: You're dead.

Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life.

---

Piper: Leo!

Grams: Oh, hi sweetie, how are you?

Piper: Don't you sweetie me! Where are the boys?

Charrrmed!

Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you?

...

Piper: Paige, you're obsessing.

Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing! I am far too young to be old!

---

Piper: I think I found something.

Paige: Huh?

Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?

Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.

Piper: Yeah, I love you too.

---

Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello.

Piper: Did you just call me a hoe?

---

Paige: (sticks sword through First Mate)

First Mate: (turns to Captain and hands him knife, then turns to other pirate) Do you mind?

Other Pirate:(pulls out sword)

Paige: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Captain: He wishes.

---

Piper: How'd you get here?

Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his secrecy (Piper looks confused) Leo orbed me.

---

Piper: (reading letter) Captain Black Jack Cutting formally invites you to Treasure Island.

---

Phoebe: I can't answer it now, what am I gonna say? We're robbing a museum?

Styx Feet Under

Paige: Stop yelling at Death!

---

Piper: I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit.

Angel of Death: You can't quit, Piper. Not until you catch up.

Piper: You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it.

Angel of Death: We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Any circumstances can change someone's fate

Piper: Well, then, I won't collect anymore souls. I'll go on strike.

Angel of Death: So, to save your sister you would threaten to stop all death.

Piper: You got it.

Angel of Death: That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless.

Piper: Well, I...

Angel of Death: It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.

Piper: Yes, but...

Angel of Death: Which means ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life. This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger.

---

Piper and Paige are on a ghostly plane. Paige has just been killed and Piper is the Angel of Death).

Paige: This isn't good, right?

Piper: I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go.

(Paige heads for the vortex and starts crying).

---

(Piper and Paige are in front of the vortex. Paige is crying).

Paige: Piper. I have something to tell you.

Piper: Paige...

Paige: You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back.

Piper: You're stalling.

Paige: I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying.

---

Seer after dodging an energy ball from Sirk)

w:Seer: Hello?! I'm a seer. I knew that was coming

Once in a Blue Moon

(Paige is sitting at the table. The table is covered with drinks, cookies, chips and other snacks. Phoebe walks in holding a hot water bottle against her tummy.)

Phoebe: Ooh. Any idea what this meeting's all about?

Paige: Oh, probably something to do with the kids.

Phoebe: Why, did something happen?

Paige: Oh, I'm sure they've gotten kidnapped by the latest demon or something.

Phoebe: Paige, that is so not funny.

Paige: You get so emotional when you're PMS-ed.

Phoebe: And you get mean.

Paige: I do not get mean. I'm above it all. Nothing happens to me.

(Piper walks in)

Piper: All righty then!

(Paige is startled and orbs out and back in.)

Phoebe: Oh, right, nothing happens to you. You're above it all.

Paige: Fine, I get a little jumpy.

Piper: And I get a little pissy, so watch it.

Paige,Phoebe: We know.

Paige: The good news is we all get over it at the same time.

Piper: As long as we don't kill each other in the process, which brings me to what we need to talk about.

Paige: Ah, that sounds serious. That calls for ice cream with three spoons.

(Ice Cream with three spoons orbs in front of Paige)

Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Personal gain.

Paige: I know, but screw it, it's too good.

(she scoops ice cream in her mouth)

Piper: Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys something for a while. Um, I just didn't know how to say it.

Phoebe: Oh, my god, are you pregnant again?

Piper: No, this is not a good thing. Do you guys remember Zola, the Elder who disappeared?

Paige: Yeah.

Piper: Well, he didn't disappear. He was killed. Leo killed him.

Phoebe: Leo killed him?

Paige: Heh!

Piper: It was an accident. He didn't mean to. I mean, he was tricked.

Paige: You might want to tell that to Zola.

(Piper gets upset and blows up the chandelier without looking at it.)

Paige,Phoebe: Oh!

(Phoebe looks up at Piper and Paige looks at Piper too with the ice scream spoon in her mouth.)

---

Leo: Sorry to interrupt, but I have to tell you something that you're probably not gonna like.

Paige: Did you kill anybody else? I'm sorry.

---

(Paige orbs into Agent Brody's apartment.)

Paige: Definitely a bachelor.

---

Phoebe: Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!

Piper: What? Where are the boys?

Phoebe: The boys are fine. We're not.

Paige: Keep it down!

(Piper sees Marcus. She hits Paige on the leg).

Paige: Hey!

Piper: Hey, yourself. Look!

(Paige turns around and sees Marcus).

Paige: Oh my god! What happened to him?

Phoebe: I think we're what happened to him.

Paige: What are you talking about?

Phoebe: We're in the cage, that's what I'm talking about. I think we trapped ourselves.

Piper: No, we didn't, did we?

Phoebe: I think that dream I had was real.

Paige: So you're saying, that we, did this to him?

Phoebe: Do you have a better explanation?

Paige: That is crazy.

(Paige tries to step out of the crystal cage. It shocks her and shes knocked back on the floor).

Phoebe: As you were saying?

Paige: Okay. What does this mean? We're demons?

Piper: No, we didn't turn into demons, Paige.

Phoebe: We turned into monsters.

Paige: I know we all get a little testy this time of month, but that's ridiculous.

Piper: It can't be that, it's gotta be something else.

Phoebe: Like what, the blue moon?

Piper: We gotta get out of here. This is crazy. Paige, try to orb one of these crystals away.

Paige: Crystal.

(the crystal orbs out of the window. A cat meows outside. Paige pulls a face as Pheobe and Piper look at her).

Paige: Blue moon?

---

Piper: They're out of their minds.

Leo: Still, he's gonna be sent here tomorrow.

Piper: Well, I hope I don't blow him up.

Leo: Piper, you can't blow up a whitelighter.

Phoebe: Why not? She blows you up all the time.

---

Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage?

Phoebe: Like what, a wildebeast?

Piper: Please don't say beast.

Paige: No, I'm just saying we don't know how long we're gonna be in here. What if I get hungry?

Piper: Well, then we'll have Leo throw us Whitelighter. Don't worry about it.

---

Magic School. Morning. Piper, Phoebe and Paige wake up after being turned into monsters by the blue moon and having the elders attack them in self defense.]

Paige: Oh, what happened?

Odin:: You attacked us.

Phoebe: Oh, really? Then how come I'm the one with the headache?

Someone to Witch Over Me

Phoebe:What are we doing here?

Paige: Well, he said for us to meet him here. He needed to talk to us about something important.

Phoebe: Yeah, but Paige it's a fire.

Paige: So?

Phoebe: So we don't do fires. Firemen do fires. We do fireballs

---

Leo: So, I don't understand. If I'm in the past...what are you doing here?

Chris: I'm guiding you.

Leo: So you're real?

Chris: No, but I represent something that is. I died in you arms, Dad. Killed by everything that you thought was good. I'm your root pain, okay? And I'm gonna be sticking with you until you're ready to let me go.

Leo: How will I know when that is?

Chris: C'mon. Lets check out yome parts of your life that you really need to remember

Leo:: Do I have a choice?

Chris: Hey it's your vision quest. It's up to you.

Charmed Noir

Piper: Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the G silent?

---

Paige: They're dicks.

Kyle: [giggles] Dicks?

Paige: No, like private eyes, detectives.

---

Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now.

---

Leo: [to Phoebe] Try and block her path.

[Inside the book: Paige and Kyle are walking down the alley. A piano falls in front of them.]

Brody: You were saying?

Paige: Thanks, guys, could you be any less subtle?

Brody: Looks like your sisters agree with me.

Paige: Don't gloat.

---

Miss Donovan: Lord of the Rings?

Gnome: Historically inaccurate.

Miss Donovan: Harry Potter?

Gnome: Filled with juvenile delinquents.

Miss Donovan: Even the Wizard of Oz?

Gnome: Disparaging to little people. Munchkins being persecuted. Filth!

Paige: Oh, come on, seriously.

Miss Donovan: It is the same story with all the books. None of them deserve to be banned.

Gnome: I suppose you want another naked Godiva riding out of the book again.

Paige: Is that what this is all about? Godiva?

Miss Donovan: It's just an excuse and he knows it. He's using it to push his own agenda which is to stifle freedom of speech.

[The gnome shakes his hand and Miss Donovan's mouth seals up.]

Gnome: Now that's what I call stifling.

Paige: That is uncalled for. You give her her mouth back now.

[He waves his hand and unseals her mouth.]

Miss Donovan: Why you little worm. I should...

Gnome: Little. Did you hear that? She's a size-ist.

---

(Paige and Brody are changing into 1930's clothing. Paige is behind a changing screen).

Kyle: You turned me into a felon, you know that, right? Breaking and entering, vandalism, theft.

Paige: It's a fiction story in a fiction world. I highly doubt we're breaking any laws.

Kyle: It may be a fiction world but those bullets seemed pretty damn real to me.

Paige: Yeah, well, that's precisely why we need to blend in before those goons come to get us again.

(She reaches out and grabs a dress. She looks at Kyle).

Paige: Are you peeking?

Kyle: No. Are you?

(Paige pulls a face).

There's Something About Leo

Witchness Protection

Ordinary Witches

Extreme Makeover: World Edition

Charmageddon

Phoebe: What's the matter Zankou...chicken?

Carpe Demon

Paige and Drake are in the attic with the Book Drake:Look, it says I can be vanquished with the Power of Three (touches book and points) Paige:(shocked) Drake:What? Paige:You touched it. You touched the book! Drake:Oh my God, so I did. That must mean I'm good! (touches book with elbows, rubs hands all over pages) Paige:(smacks him and gives him a look)Would you quit it?!

Show Ghouls

The Seven Year Witch

Cole: [to Piper] "You've tried going upstairs twice, out the door three times and through the wall five...make that six times, but hey, you haven't tried the chimney yet."

---

Piper: :[turning to Cole] What are you exactly? Ghost? Demon? Poltergist? Nightmare?

Cole: None of the above.

---

[Piper has just fallen into a deep coma and is shocked to see Cole. She steps over her body towards him.]

Piper: I don't know what's worse: the fact that I'm dying, or that apparently, I get to spend my last dying moments on earth with you.

Scry Hard

Little Box of Horrors

Freaky Phoebe

Imaginary Friends

Wyatt: Hey, is this Chris? my gosh, he's so small...hey little brother. Is this before or after he swallowed the marble?

Piper: Marble? What marble?

Phoebe: Easy on the future information.

Wyatt: Of course, you're right.

Piper: No, but really..what marble?

---

(Paige, Piper, Phoebe, and Future Wyatt are being attacked by a group of Demons that seem immune to Piper's power)

Future Wyatt: Enough! (The demons stop) Leave my family alone. (Fires a powerful energy blast that throws the demons back then disintegrates them, overturning other objects in the attic)

Leo: You guys okay? (Piper stares up at Wyatt in amazement)

Piper: We're fine

---

Future Evil Wyatt: (to little Wyatt) You see that book over there? Want you bring it to me? Understand...

Little Wyatt (starts to walk towards the Book. Out from the shadows, Leo steps out and walks over to Little Wyatt.)

Future Evil Wyatt: Come on, Dad. You don't even have any powers.

Leo: (smiles) That's right, I don't.

Future Evil Wyatt: So what are you gonna do? Take away my cookies?

Leo: I don't need to do anything. You're gonna stop yourself.

Future Evil Wyatt: That's what I always loved about you, Dad. Such a boundless optimist.

Leo: I know you. I'm your father and I know you still have good in your heart.

Future Evil Wyatt: Now your optimism just sounds pathetic.

---

Future Evil Wyatt: Dad, seriously. I don't wanna have to hurt you, but if you get in my way...

Leo: I don't believe that.(Leo looks at Little Wyatt) You mind if I come

over there for a second, Wyatt?

Future Evil Wyatt: Stay away from him!

Leo:Is this your Wuvey? Could I see him, please?

Future Evil Wyatt: Get away from him now or I'll kill you!

Leo: I don't think you will (stands up)

Future Evil Wyatt: I told you to stop.

Leo: I was there when you were born, Wyatt. I gave up my powers for you. I tried to change the world for you ...

and I would do it again in a heartbeat. You know why? Because I'm your father.

Future Evil Wyatt: Stop it.

Leo: You wanna kill me? Go ahead. I gave up my life for you before.

Future Evil Wyatt:(begging) Dad, please?

Leo: Look, I love you. Do you understand what that means?

Death Becomes Them

Something Wicca This Way Goes?

Phoebe: Those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night.

Piper: Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs.

Season 8

Still Charmed and Kicking

---

The Brunette [Phoebe]: I can't believe how many leprechauns are at my urn.

Brown-Haired Woman [Piper]: They always had the hots for you.

The Brunette [Phoebe]: It's a little creepy, but I guess you can't be too picky when you're dead!

---

The Brunette [Phoebe]: Piper, what are you doing?

Brown-Haired Woman [Piper]: What are you doing? You can't pick up on a guy at a funeral!

The Brunette [Phoebe]: Why not? It's my funeral!

---

Janice Dickinson aka Paige: [Janice Dickinson has inexplicably arrived at the sisters funeral to pay her respects to Paige and the two dark-haired women drag her into the kitchen] What is the meaning of this? Do you have any idea who I am?

The Brunette: Yeah, as a matter of fact we do...

Phoebe: [The Brunette glamors into Phoebe] Paige.

Janice Dickinson aka Paige: I'm sorry, who?

Brown-Haired Woman: [The Brown-Haired Woman glamors into Piper.] Nice try. The jig's up, sis.

Paige: Oh, all right then, fine. [Janice glamors into Paige] Well, someone had to cry at my funeral!

---

Billie: [about a fireball a demon is holding] Doesn't that burn your hand?

Malice in Wonderland

Piper: Last year you had a premonition that you would have a daughter which means that this year you have to have a little sex and get pregnant. And since Dex, which coincidentally rhymes with sex, could be the father!

Phoebe: GOD!

---

Paige: Witches don't wear costumes.

Billie: So the conical hat and black cape are everyday wear?

Run Piper, Run

Billie: [referring to the human ADA] Can't we vanquish him?

Piper: We don't usually vanquish humans.

---

Piper: I think the only way to save Maya is to get him to confess to the murder somehow.

Paige: Oh, that happens before or after hell freezes over?

---

Maya: Sorry I kicked you in the face.

Billie: Well, I'm sorry we almost got you killed.

---

Piper: Hurry, get the mattress.

Paige: What if it doesn't work?

Piper: Well, then it was a bad idea.

---

Paige: Don't worry, we'll have you out of that unflattering colour in no time!

Desperate Housewitches

Leo: [talking about Piper making Wyatt a costume for a school play, Piper wants to use magic] You wanted a normal life, remember?

Piper: Yes, but that was before I realized our son was going to be humiliated in front of his entire class!

Billie: Oh, that happened to me all the time. Only made me stronger.

Piper: And shut it!

---

[The Charmed Ones orb into a classroom in Magic School, as demons walk through the corridor.]

Phoebe: Billie was right. It's demon central.

[The sisters peek out of the door, and see Leo talking to The Source.]

Leo: Just trying to help you with the kid, that's all.

The Source: Now why don't I believe that?

Piper: We gotta hurry. Leo's in trouble.

Paige: Yeah, well, how are we going to stop The Source? We have no potions.

Phoebe: It's gonna take a lot more than potions.

Paige: How did you do it last time?

Piper: Not the same way we gonna do it this time.

Phoebe: You have a plan?

Piper: Yeah, and it starts with Mandy.

[In the Great Hall, Mandy watches The Source staring at Leo.]

Mandy: If you don't trust him, just kill him. Then we can go on a family outing. Slaughter a few innocents, have a picnic!

[The Source edges towards Leo, and sniffs.]

The Source: There's not a drop of evil in him. HE'S NOT A DEMON AT ALL!

[He then looks down to see Wyatt standing beside Leo. Leo pulls Wyatt behind him, and The Source looks up at him, gasping in surprise.]

The Source: This is too good to be true ... Daddy!

Mandy: What?!? Wait ...

[Suddenly, Mandy faints to the ground, and the possessor demon seperates from her.]

Demon: What happened? Who did this?

Piper: We did.

[The Charmed Ones enter the Great Hall. As they do, The Source turns to them, and Leo grabs Wyatt, both of them heading to a chair and hiding behind it.]

The Source: I should have known the Charmed Ones weren't really dead! Only you've gone soft in my absence. WITHOUT THE HOLLOW, YOU CAN'T HURT ME!

Piper: Oh really? Hey, cupcake!

[Piper flicks her hands, and the Demon is sent flying into the wall by an explosion. The Source is shocked as the Demon rises to her feet. Piper flicks her hands again, and the Demon is vanquished. The Source yells in agony as he is pulled into a fiery portal, which then explodes and vanishes.]

Phoebe: Talk about your ball and chain!

Paige: I don't really understand. How did you ...

Piper: Well, she conjured him, so they're connected. She goes, he goes.

Phoebe: For eternity now.

Paige: OK, well, we probably should get out of here, before any other demons recognise us ...

Phoebe: What are we going to do with her? :[nodding to Mandy, who is lying unconcious on the floor]

Piper: Oh, come on, we don't need to save her! :[Phoebe looks at her] What? She's still too perky!

Rewitched

Billie: I was just trying to help

Phoebe: How is this helping?

Billie: I didn't mean for you to get married!

Phoebe: Well you know what? I did, and I cannot believe you used magic when we specifically told you not to.

Billie: I thought you just meant demon magic not innocent magic!

Phoebe: Oh, really and (pointing at dress) this is innocent?!

Billie: Well, you look fabulous!

Phoebe: Oh you know what, don't try and butter me up with the compliments missy!

Piper: [running in] Are you out of your mind?, what did you do now?

Billie: Do I have start from the beginning again?

Piper: I can't believe you did this with Agent Murphy watching our very move?

Phoebe: Skip down, I already went through that with her

Billie: I still don't know what I did was so bad

Phoebe: [flashes engagement ring] THIS!, this is what's bad!

Piper: Wow! That's Huge!

---

[The Charmed Ones walk through Home Security, people staring at them on their way. The secretary stands up, shocked, as they approach her.]:

Piper: Hi, how's it going? Uh, by any chance, is Agent Murphy in?

Secretary: Who-who shall I say is calling?

Paige: Oh, I don't know girls. Maybe we should just ... surprise him!

Kill Billie Vol. 1

Phoebe: I'm pregnant.

Paige: :[as she collapses onto a sofa] Dex?

Phoebe: No actually, it was some guy that I met at the pumping station ... Yes, of course it's Dex!

The Lost Picture Show

Battle of the Hexes

[In Home Security's warehouse. Phoebe is clearing out some boxes, and Billie walks to her, holding a big belt.]

Billie: Hey, check this out.

Phoebe: :[turns to Billie, then back to the boxes and then quickly back to Billie again] No, no!

[Billie puts on the belt, which immediately begins to glow. Billie is then magically dressed in a blue top, short skirt, brown leather boots and her hair is plaited, making her look like a goddess. Phoebe is astonished.]

Billie: Uh, what just happened?

Phoebe: We're screwed, that's what happened.

---

[Billie and Phoebe are walking down the street. Billie is attracting looks and some wolf-whistles due to her goddess-style clothing.]

Phoebe: Typical. Piper has the car, Paige orbs ... Does anyone think that Phoebe needs help? No, of course not. Why? Because it's all about them!

Hulkus Pocus

Vaya Con Leos

Piper: I have to lose you to save you.

Mr. and Mrs. Witch

Billie: What is going on?

Phoebe: Piper, what do you put in the food?

Piper: Food was in the food, thank you.

Phoebe: Bu-but, how do you explain this?!

Piper: But don't look at me. She's the one who said assassins!

Billie: It was a figure of speech!

Piper: Well, apparently not!

Payback's a Witch

Piper: I have enough to do without worrying about who you're torturing in the attic!

Repo Manor

12 Angry Zen

Piper: So I take it that you guys heard about chicken.

Dog: Rooster. And yes, we sensed it.

---

(Demons are fighting in the Halliwell Manor)

Dog: Go! Protect the staff!

Piper: What about my house?!

Dog: Only the staff matters. Go!

The Last Temptation of Christy

Simon [to Phoebe] My goodness you're fetching!

Phoebe: That is so sweet.

Simon: But you are not half-whitelighter, which is requisite for my future mate, so sorry to disappoint you. But you on the other hand are...

Paige: Did you just say future mate?

Simon: No! No, that was..It came out wrong apologies.

Paige: Ok, here's the deal, we're actually super super busy right now, so it'll be fabulous if you could just orb yourself off now.

---

Simon: Immortal? Very impressive.

Paige: (in british voice) No....Not immortal...(Normal voice) Mortal! as in non-magical!

Engaged and Confused

Generation Hex

The Torn Identity

The Jung and the Restless

[Piper and Paige are walking down the staircase in the Manor.]

Piper: Did she say what she wanted?

Paige: She just said she wanted to speak to us.

Piper: This could very well be a trap. Did she call Phoebe?

Phoebe: Yeah, she did.

[Piper and Paige turn to see Phoebe, and begin to walk towards her.]

Piper: Well, at the risk of your wrath, I'm going to tell you that this could be a very bad idea.

Phoebe: I know, but please, let's just listen to what Billie has to say.

Piper: I just spoke with an Elder, and she confirmed that those two could be very big trouble for us.

Paige: What?

Piper: She wasn't 100% sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later ...

[Grey smoke begins to rise from the floor. The three sisters turn to see the smoke fade to reveal Billie.]

Piper: You know, considering you want to kill us, maybe you should use the front door.

Billie: I don't want to kill you Piper, I just want to find out the truth.

Phoebe: Well, how do we help you find that?

Billie: Like this.

[Billie throws a potion vial, which smashes at the sisters' feet. White smoke rises and flows into their bodies, and the sisters fall to the floor. Grey smoke rises up from the floor again beside Billie, which fades to reveal Christie, who stands beside her sister.]

Billie: You promise not to hurt them, right?

Christie: Not until you see what you need to see.

Gone with the Witches

[Piper is standing at the Book of Shadows with a notepad. As she searches through the book, Grams' ring suddenly appears on her finger.]

Piper: :[gasps as she notices the ring] Oh crap.

[She then transforms into an old-fashioned housewife, wearing a blue polka-dot dress with apron, deep red lipstick and ponytailed hair. She then notices that a chair seat has been ripped.]

Piper: This place is a mess.

[She then moves out of the attic at superspeed.]

Kill Billie Vol. 2

[ In Victors apartment, talking about Phoebe ]

Coop: Nobody will ever love your daughter more than me, ever. I promise you that.

Victor: What do you know about love?

Coop: I'm a Cupid!

Victor: Well that doesn't mean squat unless you've had your heart broken. Have you had your heart broken?

Coop: No.

Victor: Then you don't know about love, believe me.

Christy: We've been waiting for you.

Paige: Well, your wait is over

(Billie and Christy glare at the sisters)

Phoebe: No potions, huh?

Billie: We don't need any potions

Phoebe: Funny, Neither do we.

Piper: We should have never trusted you

Christy: Well, you should have followed your instincts.

Paige: Next time.

Billie: There won't BE a next time...

(They stare at each other for a beat and then shoot their powers at each other, causing the manor to explode.)

(The Angel of Destiny returns with Leo)

Angel of Destiny:(looks around) The Battle is over........But not as I expected.(vanishes)

Forever Charmed

Phoebe: Are you getting any of this?

Paige: Whatever...as long as we're alive that's all I care about.

---

Phoebe: Wait, you guys went to the future, too?

Paige: We sure did miss a lot when we were dead.

---

[Coop flashes in.]

Coop: [to Piper] Hey... [he turns and sees Phoebe.] Phoebe?

Phoebe: Hi.

Coop: Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive.

[Piper tosses Coop's ring to him.]

Piper: You're welcome.

Adult Wyatt: [surprised] Uncle Coop!

[Adult Chris immediately hits Wyatt in the arm to shut him up.]

Phoebe: Uncle Coop?! What!? [she stutters stunned as Chris shakes his head at Wyatt who covers his mouth]

---

Patty: Now, this is our grandson Wyatt… ooh, so handsome!

Victor: But I-I'm… I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm so confused.

Patty: Ah, you'll get over it. I did.

Victor: Where did you come from.

Patty: 1975. How do I look?

Victor: …Didn't anyone tell her, we're divorced.

[Patty stops smiling.]

Patty: What?

Victor: You dumped me, for your Whitelighter.

Patty: Sam?

Victor: Yeah, Sam! Paige's father!

---

[Piper and Grams are mixing up a potion. The smoke from the latest ingredient added seems to be somewhat light.]

Grams: That's not nearly enough.

Piper: I think I know how to do it after all this time.

Paige: It's Billie and Christy. They're not demons.

Grams: Well, they might as well be after all you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. [pauses] I can't believe how big this book has gotten. I'm so proud of you girls.

Piper: Then why won't you let me stir?

[Someone knocks on the door.]

Grams: Uh, Piper, why don't you get that?

Piper: Paige, why don't you get that?

Paige: Okay, I'll get that. [rolls eyes]

[She goes to open the door and finds Henry.]

Paige: Hey! What are you doing here?

Henry: What am I doing here? I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay?

Paige: Yes, I'm okay! Of course I'm okay! I mean, we weren't "okay" okay, but now we're okay and in the future I think we're gonna be...I think we're gonna be more than okay.

Henry: [stares blankly] Okay.

Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.

Piper: Worse. A mortal.

Grams: Oh, good God. Didn't I teach you girls anything?

Piper: Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop!

---

after the Charmed Ones vanquish the Triad and Dumain

Christy: I don't understand! How could this happen?

Piper: Billie projected us here.

Paige: By focusing on you.

Piper: Paige?

Paige: [holds hand out] Ring! [Coop's ring orbs off Christy's finger and into Paige's hand]

Christy: [glaring at Billie] How could you?!?

Billie: Christy, please--it's over. Just come home.

[Christy launches a fireball at Billie and the Charmed Ones, but Billie deflects it back, destroying Christy]

---

Piper: Well, we changed the past to fix the future and saved the present.

Victor: Wait, what was that?

---

[Phoebe and Paige are sitting down at the table when Piper joins them with the Book of Shadows.]

Paige: Don't tell me we have to go fight a demon.

Piper: No, [sighs] I don't think we'll have to do that anytime soon.

Phoebe: Then what's with the book?

Piper: Well, I think we should write everything down. Everything that happened, everything we want future generations to know, so we can pass it down. Just like it was passed down to us.

Paige: [looks at Piper, then turns to Phoebe] After you.

[Piper gives the book to Phoebe, who turns it to the first empty page, somewhere in the middle of the book, and starts writing. This is the final dialogue heard between the Charmed Ones before the writing begins, along with the following flash-forward voice-over into the future that finally ends the show.]

Phoebe (voice-over): So much has happened over the last 8 years. So much has been gained and lost. Still, in some ways I feel like my life is really just beginning...and it was. For though I had loved before, I'd never really known love until I met Coop. A man who I shared the special little girl I had long ago forseen, but feared I might never have. Along with two other special little girls I had not forseen. I was suddenly so blessed to have a new family of my own, and old friends to share it with. And though I kept working and giving advice to those who asked, I was more interested in helping them find love. Since finally, having been loved.

Paige (voice-over): Phoebe, had become somewhat of an expert on the subject. As for me, life without demons opened up similar avenues. Henry of course continued to look after his parolees, even if they didn’t want to be looked after. While still making time to help me with little Henry and the twins. Which allowed me time to finally embrace my inner whitelighter. And to help the next generation of witches come into their own.

Piper (voice-over): So that Paige could pass on all that she learned. Not just to her own children, or to mine, or to Phoebe’s, but to other future witches and white lighters as well. Which filled the time between when we were doing the fighting and when our kids were old enough to take over. Allowing me time to get back to my roots and cook something other then potions for once. And open the restaurant I'd always dreamed of owning. As for Leo, after we reclaimed magic school he went back to teaching. Which he continued to do, until it was time to retire. And although we certainly had our struggles…

Old Piper: [50 years later, finishes reading the Book of Shadows to her granddaughter] …and heartaches over the years, we’re a family of survivors and we will always be. Which is why we've truly been Charmed.

Cast

Main

• Holly Marie Combs - Piper Halliwell
• Alyssa Milano - Phoebe Halliwell
• Rose McGowan - Paige Matthews (Seasons 4-8)
• Shannen Doherty - Prudence Halliwell (Seasons 1-3)

Supporting

• Brian Krause - Leo Wyatt
• Dorian Gregory - Darryl Morris (Seasons 1-7)
• Julian McMahon - Cole Turner / Belthazor (Seasons 3-5, Guest Star Season 7)
• Drew Fuller - Chris Halliwell (Season 6, Recurring Seasons 5, 7 & 8)
• T.W. King - Andy Trudeau (Season 1)
• Greg Vaughan - Dan Gordon (Season 2)
• Karis Paige Bryant - Jenny Gordon (Season 2)
• Kaley Cuoco - Billie Jenkins (Season 8)

Recurring

• Jennifer Rhodes - Penelope "Grams" Halliwell
• Finola Hughes - Patricia "Patty" Halliwell
• James Read - Victor Bennett (Seasons 3-8)
• Scott Jaeck - Sam Wilder (Seasons 2, 5 & 8)
• Rebecca Balding - Elise Rothman (Seasons 1,2 4-8)
• Sandra Prosper - Sheila Morris (Seasons 5-7)
• Wes Ramsey - Wyatt Halliwell (Seasons 5-8)

External links

• Charmed quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Charmed at TV.com
• Charmed Quote Database