Stuart Clark (born 1963), nicknamed Clarky, is a joiner and alcoholic from Rosemount, in Aberdeen, Scotland. He is divorced, with one young son, although he has also been known to engage in relationships with more than one woman at once. His interests include fud and beer, and he looks like Tom Waits. He is known for his unrestrained, sleazy verbal witticisms, such as:



He made an appearance in the Evening Express in March 2007, talking about the frequent vandalism of cars in the local area by non-residents.<ref name=EE> Is Crime a Problem in Your Area?, 24 March 2007, Evening Express</ref>