Clyde Hayes

Clyde Hayes is an 80 year old Chemistry Teacher at Lake Mary High School in Central Florida.

Image:Http://www.lakemaryhs.scps.k12.fl.us/departments/faculty/science/images/teachers/hayes.jpg

1. A gifted Child is born.

Born in Gaytorland, Florida during the Great Depression, young Clyde decided that he wanted to leave the redneck land in order to pursue a more academic life at quite a young age. As a child of 6, Clyde, or Purple as most called him, hopped aboard the bandwagon train that was leaving Gaytorland during one of their bad football seasons. He stayed on the train all the way until they reached Sanford, Florida. It was here that events would change the course of history for future students at Lake Mary High School.

2. The Adventures of Purple Hayes

One cold night, late in December, Purple Hayes was in his backyard getting stoned. It was then that he saw a strange orange globe floating in mid air. He watched the UFO as it grew larger then shot up in the air at a phenomenal speed. He has told this story to many of the students at LMHS, however leaving out a very important chapter to his past. The UFO was in fact a spaceship full of aliens, and P. Hayes was abducted by them. Aboard the UFO spaceship the aliens looked to the stars and read Clyde’s future. They saw that he in fact hated Sanford because of the majority of the race being black. He was sick of the “Jive Parties” thrown by the mayor at the time, Brianna Jenkins. They saw that he would grow up to be a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Highly enjoying watermelon, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, purple drank, and B.E.T, the aliens decided that they would have to kill young teenage Purple to assure that he would not harm their fellow jive partiers. They brought him into a room aboard the space ship with fellow Sanford abductees Sharron Jackson and Don Smith. The two were in love and were determined to break out of the room, take over the space ship, and return to Earth. One night, Don Smith bored two of the alien guards to sleep, and Sharron danced her way to the control room, sat on all the aliens, and took over the ship. On the return to Earth, however, they had a rough landing and young Purple suffered a severe concussion, and somewhat forgot about the aliens. Ever since, he’s been having weird dreams about the aliens, which he likes to call “out of body experiences.”

3. A Chemistry Teacher is Born

Finishing up his last year at Sanford High School, the Gaytors had a good football season for the first time since Purple was a young child. However, like most Gaytor fans, Purple lacked the grades to get into the school. He settled for Stetson instead. Having gotten the worst grade on all his tests, his chemistry teacher felt sorry for him and told him that he had received the highest grades in school history (which he constantly brags about to his current students, reminding them that he is the “master”, and that they are all inferior to him.). Having “received the highest grades”, Purple decided to pursue a career as a chemistry teacher.

4. Current Clyde

Having been a chemistry teacher at Lake Mary High School since 1950, Clyde Hayes has sold plenty of weed to his students, earning the respect of many listeners of Dave Mathews, Pink Floyd, and any Talking-Yellow-Crazy students. Today he continues telling his students (or “childurn”, as he likes to call them) about his “out of body experiences”, his “diving in the dark with his male buddies”, and how the happiest moment of his life was when he stuck his nose into a male diver’s ass crack.Mr. Hayes is also well known at a high school of currently over 3000 people. Plus, graduates from past years still remember Mr. Hayes, as current students have met them at Stake n Shake and talked to them about him.

Thank you for taking the time to read about this amazing person. And remember, don’t wang it around! Lolz!!!11one!!

Important note*

Mr. Hayes has won the Junior Engineering & Technical Society, or "JETS", competition about 3 times in the past 10 years and has come in 2nd just as many times. JETS is a nationally prestigious Science competition that looks pretty darn good on a college application. Hopefully that will keep this article from being deleted because of the "Not an important person" rule.