COACH BANKER
Coach Banker is a teacher and a
coach at Ketchum High School. He has taught at
Ketchum for a mere 2 years. But he is a stud of a
man. here are a few sayings that Mr. Coach Banker is well known
for.
1. THAT'S
STUPID
2. THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO
3.
WE GOT OURSELVES A BARN-BURNER HERE
4.
THAT'S IGNORANT
5. QUIT BEING
STUPID
6. IF YOU DON'T STOP IT WERE GOING TO
RUN SUICIDES
7. GO BEARS
8.
GO CUBS
9. DON'T BE
DUMB
10. DON'T MESS WITH THE THINGS ON MY
DESK
I fully understand that this isn't as
good as the other page but it will have to do.
Coach Banker teaches Algebra 1 and Geometery.
He coaches softball and baseball. Well
actually he assists. He is a stud of a
man. Coach Banker is a huge fan of the Chicago
Cubs and the Chicago Bears. Unfortunately he
doesn't realize that the Bears suck and the Cubs are not going to
win the World Series for a while.Coach Banker assists Coach Knoten
in baseball and softball.
Coach Knoten
Coach knoten is much studlier than Coach
Banker. Coach Knoten can do anything.
Here are a list of facts that I have compiled that display
how awesome Coach Knoten is. It is absolutely
neccessary that you read through all the
facts.
COACH KNOTEN fears no oneexcept
for..... MRS. KNOTEN
COACH
KNOTEN along with a group of nuns fathered the 1985 Chicago
Bears
COACH KNOTEN father Chuck Norris without the aid of a
woman
COACH KNOTEN is the reason football helmets were
invented
COACH KNOTEN once got thrown out of the same sotball
game twice
COACH KNOTEN loves the Pujol and the cardinals
In
Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the
bulls are running from COACH KNOTEN.
COACH
KNOTEN uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
COACH KNOTEN once roundhouse kicked someone so hard
that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and
killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific
Ocean.
Crop circles are COACH KNOTEN'S way of
telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
COACH KNOTEN is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons,
breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast
standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep
COACH KNOTEN out. It failed miserably.
Contrary
to popular belief, COACH KNOTEN, not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences
the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash,
tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked
through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of
chromosomes. COACH KNOTEN has 72... and they're
all poisonous.
If you ask COACH KNOTEN what time it is, he
always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask,
"Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.
COACH KNOTEN drives an ice cream truck covered in human
skulls.
When COACH KNOTEN sends in his taxes, he sends blank
forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to
attack. COACH KNOTEN has not had to pay taxes,
ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with COACH KNOTEN'S
fist.
COACH KNOTEN invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous
secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But
nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
CNN was
originally created as the "COACH NOTEN Network" to update Americans
with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
COACH KNOTEN can win
a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory
of evolution, just a list of creatures COACH KNOTEN allows to
live.
COACH KNOTEN once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one
hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex
with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of
COACH KNOTEN'S victims before they died? His
shoe.
COACH KNOTEN is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall
in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking COACH KNOTEN
as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
COACH KNOTEN doesn't churn
butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the
butter comes straight out.
COACH KNOTEN doesn’t wash his
clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does
not signify that this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to
COACH KNOTEN and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
COACH KNOTEN will attain statehood in 2009.
His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Someone once
videotaped COAH KNOTEN getting pissed off. It was
called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
If you spell COACH
KNOTEN in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
COACH
KNOTEN originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game,
but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to
do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this
"glitch," KNOTEN replied, "That's no glitch."
Fool me once,
shame on you. Fool COACH KNOTEN once and he will
roundhouse you in the face.
The opening scene
of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of
dodgeball COACH KNOTEN played in second grade.
COACH KNOTEN once
shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
COACH KNOTEN once bet NASA he could survive re-entry
without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked
COACH KNOTEN re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14
states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees.
An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and
still owes him a beer.
COACH KNOTEN has two speeds: Walk and
Kill.
Someone once tried to tell COACH KNOTEN that roundhouse
kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This
has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has
ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a
democracy, it is a COACHKNOTENSHIP.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
is based on a true story: COACH KNOTEN once swallowed a turtle
whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and
had learned karate.
COACH KNOTEN is not hung like a horse...
horses are hung like COACH KNOTEN.
Faster than a speeding bullet
... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings
in a single bound... yes, these are some of COACH KNOTEN'S warm-up
exercises.
COACH KNOTEN is the only human being to display the
Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly
where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the
face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then COACH KNOTEN turned that wine into beer.
COACH
KNOTEN can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your
DNA. Decades from now your descendants will
occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was
That?"
Time waits for no man.
Unless that man is COACH KNOTEN.
COACH KNOTEN discovered
a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which
COACH KNOTEN is even more badass than in this one.
When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public,
COACH KNOTEN roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We
know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
COACH KNOTEN
doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
The COACH KNOTEN
military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a
single COACH KNOTEN could defeat the entire combined nations of the
world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242
objects COACH KNOTEN could use to kill you, including the room
itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native
American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that COACH
KNOTEN walks.
COACH KNOTEN does not teabag the ladies.
He potato-sacks them.
Pluto is actually an orbiting
group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered
space after the KNOTEN gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face.
When COACH KNOTEN goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are
no steroids in baseball. Just players COACH KNOTEN
has breathed on.
COACH KNOTEN once challenged Lance Armstrong in
a "Who has more testicles?" contest. COACH KNOTEN
won by 5.
COACH KNOTEN was the fourth wise man, who gave baby
Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he
died. The other three wise men were enraged by the
preference that Jesus showed to KNOTEN'S gift, and arranged to have
him written out of the bible. All three died soon
after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
COACH
KNOTEN sheds his skin twice a year.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS
ARTICLE. ALL STATEMENTS IN THIS ARTICLE ARE
ENTIRELY TRUE. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THIS.
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