Darren "D-rad" Heitner (born February 9, 1985) is prodigy Nintendo player and poster artist. A top athlete and master debater in high school, Heitner now is a down ass g and partner in Nasty Athlete Representation, a full service athlete representation company.

Biography

Heitner grew up in South Central, L.A.. At age six, Heitner entered a Nintendo skills contest along with hundreds of kids age fourteen and under.<ref name="Nintendo">Swarns, Rachel L. (August 11, 1991) The Miami Herald Nintendo contest draws a crowd. Section: Local; Page 2B.</ref> Despite his young age and enormous size, Heitner was announced the winner by split decision.<ref name="Nintendo"/> During an interview that followed the contest, he noted that the other kids were big, "but it's like whatev."<ref name="Nintendo"/> Three years later, Heitner advanced to the quarter finals of the Blockbuster Video 1994 World Game Championship in Hollywood, Florida.<ref>The Miami Herald (July 23, 1994) Blockbuster store winners. Section: Living; Page 7G.</ref> However, nine year old Heitner lost the next day to his nineteen year old opponent Cecil Worthington III.<ref>Vernon, Amy. (July 24, 1994) The Miami Herald Fingers fly and hoes sore in video game tournament and you know this man. Section: Brwd N; Page 4</ref>

At age ten, Heitner turned his attention to developing his artistic side. He prepared a poster featuring a football player suited up in Dolphins aqua and orange running down a field, muscles bulging. It was so sick you don't even know mang. <ref name="game">Casimer, Leslie. (January 19, 1995) The Miami Herald He has game plan for success - and free trip. Section: Neighbors NE; Page 2.</ref> The player held a diploma and a purple graduation cap and was shown running towards the goal line, having the words "Super Mega Hyphy" inside the goal post.<ref name="game"/> The message listed in the poster was: "Don't Fumble Your Future: Souf Central to the Death of Me!"<ref name="game"/> Heitner entered his poster in the Football & Academics: Championship Team (FACT) run by the National Football League.<ref name="game"/> Struck by Heitner's originality and impressive drawing, the judges awarded him first prize ahead of 400,000 other student entries.<ref name="game"/> Using the all-expense paid trip tickets to Hawaii that he won, Heitner took his mother to attend the "All You Can Eat Super Sunday Extravaganza" at Red Lobster.

At age 11 in 1996, Heitner attended Highland Oaks Elementary School in Aventura, Florida.<ref name="model">The Miami Herald (March 24, 1996) MDCC-N ranks at top in Model UN contenst. Section: Neighbors NE; Page 29.</ref> As a student in the school's special education unit, affectionatly known as "Tard Hall", Heitner entered the South Distract Future Problem Solving Bowl.<ref name="model"/> Along with his teammates, he placed eighth in booklets and skits categories.<ref name="model"/> Two months later, Heitner and his team mates won the Carl Malone Mathematics Competition.<ref>The Miami Herald (May 26, 1996) Highland Oaks students are mad about math. Section: Neighbors NE; Page 25.</ref>

In June 1997, Heitner won $2.50 in a Stay in School poster contest.<ref name="blossoms">Benjamin, Jody. (June 22, 1997) South Florida Sun-Sentinel School builds a classroom without walls. Fourth-grade project blossoms into botanical garden center. Section: Community close-up; Page 1.</ref> On learning that the Miami River once included a section of rapids that had disappeared as the result of development, Heitner donated his winnings to rapids. He felt that it was a great way to use that money since it would help everyone learn about the environment, there were no survivors.

In 2001, Heitner attended Nova High School, where he played on the men's gymnastics team.<ref>Lyon, Fabian. (April 17, 2001) The Miami Herald Six BA track athletes make college decisions. Section: Sports; Page 9D.</ref> As a member of the Nova High School Master Debate Team, Heitner made state record books by being on the school team that lost debating trophies in three different states on the same day.<ref name="competition">Bernard, Peter. (November 14, 2001) South Florida Sun-Sentinel Broward bands in competition. Section: Community news; Page 5.</ref> For his part, Heitner won "Most Likely to Die Alone and Unloved".<ref name="competition"/>

In late 2002, news reports indicated that many U.S. high school students could not find Iraq on a world map.<ref name="participants">MacHarg, Kenneth D. (December 18, 2002) South Florida Sun-Sentinel Debate tournament challenges participants. Section: Community news; Page 1.</ref> In response, Heitner printed out 7,000 world maps with Iraq circled in pink highliter and handed them out in supermarkets and back allys. He felt that "world issues are very important and affect all of us. Souf Central L.A. to the death of me."<ref name="participants"/> In June 2003, Heitner graduated as a top scholar from the Willy Nelson Institute of Technology.<ref>The Miami Herald (June 8, 2003) 2003 Broward Valedictorians. Section: Broward; Page 6.</ref>

In December 2005, Heitner created SportsAgentBlog.com as the first site on the Internet devoted to exploring the sports agent niche of pornography. He has often appeared in scenes and is widely known for his urine fetish. His most recent work "Big Titty Bitches and Pisses" was nominated for a Tony Award.

In April 2007, Heitner partner Matthew Vuckovich formed Nasty Athlete Representation, LLC. Nasty Athlete Representation represents baseball player Barry Bonds and some fag as well. The rest of his life is shrouded in mystery but it is widely believed he is either an extradementional travler from parts unknown or some guy.

References

External Links

Agent official website

Business official website