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David Cross

Cross at the 2007 Plug Awards, Irving Plaza, NYC, February 2007
Born April 4, 1964 (1964-04-04) (age 45)
Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.
Occupation Actor, Comedian, Writer, Stand-up
Years active 1992–present

David Cross (born April 4, 1964) is an American comedian, writer, stand-up and actor.


Early life

David Cross was born in Atlanta, Georgia, the son of Susi, a computer retailer.[1] Six months later, Cross' family moved to Florida. After additional moves to New York and Connecticut, the family settled back in Roswell, Georgia, where Cross remained for nearly a decade.[2] Cross has been estranged from his father since age 19, although they both currently reside in New York City.[2]

He attended Northside High School of the Performing Arts (now North Atlanta High School), graduating in 1982. Cross was elected treasurer of his senior class and was voted "Most Humorous" by his classmates. He began performing stand-up comedy at 17.

The day after he graduated from high school, Cross went to New York. Lacking a plan, he drifted around, working briefly for a lawn care company in Long Island, and later enrolled at Emerson College in Boston. He would drop out after only a semester, but during his time there he discovered his new favorite things: partying and sketch comedy. Cross joined This is Pathetic, a college sketch group, where he met John Ennis. In the summer of 1985, the two aspiring actors took a road trip to Los Angeles, although this did not significantly further their acting careers. In Boston, Cross began to perform stand-up more regularly. From the mid-1980s to the early 1990s, Boston had a booming comedy scene, although Cross did not fit the types of acts being booked most of the time. He recalls that it was "a loud, dumb, pandering, racist, homophobic type scene".[3]

In 1990, a new comedy scene began to emerge at a small club called Catch a Rising Star. Cross—along with Janeane Garofalo, Louis C.K., and other comics—appeared regularly several nights a week. Cross formed the sketch comedy group "Cross Comedy" with twelve other performers, and they put on a new show every week. They were known for playing tricks on the audience, such as introducing fake comics or planting fake hecklers. Cross became increasingly focused on his comedy work.[3]

In Los Angeles, Cross performed at the alternative comedy club Un-Cabaret.


Cross began his professional television career as a writer on The Ben Stiller Show. The short-lived Fox Network series hired him toward the end of its run, and he occasionally made brief appearances in the sketches. He had a speaking role in "The Legend of T.J. O'Pootertoot", a sketch written almost entirely by Cross. It was during this period that he first met Bob Odenkirk, with whom he would later co-create the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show in 1995. Cross won an Emmy for his work on The Ben Stiller Show in 1993.[4]

Cross later co-starred as Tobias Fünke in Arrested Development, which was originally intended to be only a minor role. He has also played smaller roles on programs such as Just Shoot Me!, The Drew Carey Show, NewsRadio, Strangers with Candy, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Since October 2005, Cross has appeared on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report as Stephen Colbert's arch-nemesis, a fictional liberal radio talk show host from Madison, Wisconsin named "Russ Lieber". Cross also developed an animated series for Comedy Central called Freak Show, which co-starred H. Jon Benjamin, and was canceled due to low ratings. He has appeared several times on the MTV2 series Wonder Showzen.

Cross teamed up with Odenkirk to produce a feature film, based on one of their Mr. Show characters, called Run Ronnie Run. The film satirized the reality television craze, and featured cameos from many stars. However, Cross and Odenkirk came into creative conflict with the director, Troy Miller, and after nearly two years of production, New Line Cinema sent it straight to DVD. In 1994 and again in 1999, Cross was a guest voice actor on Joe Frank's radio show, featured in the episodes "The Last Run", "A Hearing", "The O.J. Chronicles", and "Jam".

Cross continues to perform stand-up, in which he blends left-wing[5] political commentary and satire. In 1999, he was given his own one-hour comedy special on HBO, entitled The Pride Is Back. He has released two recordings, Shut Up You Fucking Baby! and It's Not Funny. In 2004, Shut Up You Fucking Baby! was nominated for the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album. In 2003, he released his first tour film, Let America Laugh, and was named #85 on Comedy Central's list of the 100 greatest stand-ups of all time. He appears on Un-Cabaret compilation albums, including Freak Weather Feels Different and The Good, the Bad and the Drugly.

In 2004, Cross provided voices for a Marine in the Xbox game Halo 2, and a store clerk named Zero in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. He also was the voice of the violent, alcoholic "Happy-Time Harry" doll and Bert Banana in Aqua Teen Hunger Force (although the part was credited as Sir Willups Brightslymoore). He has also made guest appearances in the Adult Swim series Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!. He directed the music video for The Black Keys' song "10am Automatic", a spoof of public-access television.

In April 2005, Cross criticized stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy in a Rolling Stone interview, saying, "It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor — which people like in America — all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring-tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride." In response, Larry devoted a chapter in his book GIT-R-DONE to Cross and the "P.C. left", claiming that Cross had "screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something". Cross responded with An Open Letter to Larry the Cable Guy posted on his website.[6] He continued to mock Larry in his stand-up, satirizing Blue Collar TV during a guest appearance on Wonder Showzen. In December 2005, he ended his performance on Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05 by mockingly yelling "GIT-R-DONE!" (Larry the Cable Guy's catch phrase) to the audience as he left the stage. He pokes fun at Larry's comedy in Freak Show with a character called "Danny the Plumber Guy".

Cross appeared in The Strokes' music video for "Juicebox" as a bad local "morning zoo" radio DJ. He also appeared in The New Pornographers' video for "Use It", in Superchunk's video for "Watery Hands" (along with Janeane Garofalo), and in Yo La Tengo's video for "Sugarcube" (along with Bob Odenkirk and John Ennis). Cross contributes to Vice magazine, writing a column titled "My America".

In 2005, he contributed to the UNICEF benefit song "Do They Know It's Hallowe'en?". In October 2005, he was sued by Nashville club owner Thomas Weber, who accused Cross of taping him without permission for Let America Laugh in violation of Weber's privacy rights. Weber established a website called In April 2006, the case against Cross himself was dismissed, leaving Weber to face Warner Music, Subpop Records, WEA Corporation, and the Alternative Distribution Alliance.

In the Beastie Boys' 2006 concert film Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That!, Cross played the character Nathaniel Hörnblowér in the fictional segment "A Day in the Life of Nathaniel Hörnblowér". In the Bob Dylan biographical film I'm Not There, Cross played the role of poet Allen Ginsberg. Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence has stated that Cross may appear in the show as his Arrested Development character Tobias Fünke.[7]

Cross provided commentary on the Vicarious music video DVD for the band Tool. He has previously performed comedy as an opening act for the band, and its members appeared on Mr. Show several times. He played Ian Hawke in the 2007 movie Alvin and the Chipmunks and Crane in the 2008 movie Kung Fu Panda.

Cross starred in a pilot for HBO called David's Situation which filmed in May 2008 and included many Mr. Show alumni at the taping. On August 6, 2008, Bob Odenkirk announced on that David's Situation would not be produced.

Cross' first UK-only project, The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, was a comedy pilot for Channel 4 which he co-wrote with writer Shaun Pye. Cross' first book, I Drink For A Reason, was published in August 2009.

In September 2009 Cross performed at his own comedy stage at the ATP New York 2009 music festival, for which he picked Eugene Mirman, Jon Benjamin & Jon Glaser and Derrick Brown & The Navy Gravy to join him.

Personal life

Cross is an atheist who was raised Jewish.[8][9] He is currently dating actress Amber Tamblyn.[10]

Cross has criticized Inside the Actors Studio host James Lipton, calling him "pretentious."[11] Lipton, who thought that Cross' impression of him was not good-natured, would later appear alongside Cross in Arrested Development, in the recurring role of Prison Warden Stefan Gentles. During filming, Cross was impressed with Lipton's acting and comedic ability, and the two became good friends.[12] On one commentary track for season four of Mr. Show, Cross discussed the encounter, complimenting Lipton for his professionalism and performance but maintaining his criticism of Lipton's show for its depiction of celebrities (which was displayed earlier in The Pride Is Back).

Responding to critics of his decision to appear in the critically panned but enormously profitable Alvin and the Chipmunks, Cross noted that the film paid for a summer home,[13] and more than "all my other projects combined: book, TV show, the two pilots, Year One, yeah."[10] Cross reprised his Chipmunks role in the sequel.





Music videos

Video games

  • Halo 2 (2004) – Marine
  • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (2004) – Zero
  • Brütal Legend (2009) - The Screamer



  1. ^ David Cross Biography (1964-)
  2. ^ a b
  3. ^ a b Odenkirk, Naomi. (2002). Mr. Show What Happened?! Beverly Hills, CA: The Management Group. ISBN 9713597-8-4
  4. ^ Deutsch, Ron (1999-10-08). "Something Completely Different". Austin Chronicle. Retrieved 2008-07-07. 
  5. ^
  6. ^ An Open Letter to Larry the Cable Guy
  7. ^ Watch with Kristin - Scrubs Is Back!
  8. ^ David Cross | The A.V. Club
  9. ^ NPR: Stand-up Comic David Cross
  10. ^ a b Sicha, Choire. "It's full speed ahead for David Cross" Los Angeles Times, 14 June 2009.
  11. ^ The Pride Is Back, track: "James Lipton"
  12. ^ Will Harris. "A Couple of Questions with James Lipton" Premium Hollywood; May 24, 2007
  13. ^ Netburn, Deborah. "Comedian defends his kid-flick role" Los Angeles Times, 3 January 2008.

External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

David Cross (born 4 April 1964) is an American comedian/actor.


The Last Laugh 2005

  • So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at... Christians who didn't pray hard enough... It's their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we could've avoided all of this. I think it's time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice.
  • I thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. You'd think they'd be worried about something important. 'Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and we're in an unfounded war...' But no- 'Fuck that! That nigger's stealing some potato chips!'
  • I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.

The Pride is Back

  • [On airport pornography] I've never seen anybody purchase them, but apparently people are. They wouldn't carry them just for aesthetic purposes. They're not trying to impress people with their porn collection, you know. So, it's just a matter of economics...Apparently enough people are goin' in there goin' 'Oh, whoa... All right! The worlds filthiest ball-draining cum-mag! Right on! This ought to make the flight a little more tolerable. Alright. Oh shit! Ha Ha! Page 35: Puckering virgin assholes - alright I gotta get it. Hope nobody is sitting next to me on the plane, because they're in for a rude awakening. Cause I'm gonna be spankin' it!' Ah, it's weird. I'm not knocking porn, I love porn... but when I go to the airport I don't have to buy those magazines, because I have this thing called will power. And I utilize it so that I don't have to whip my dick out in public. I can wait five hours. At least until I'm in the cab on my way home.
  • [On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! You're gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]
  • I don't remember ordering the Christian sandwich...
  • If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
  • [After reading an article on Miles for Kids in an inflight journal] What [President of the Airline] is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?
  • We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
  • And then Jesus answered him, Jesus said, 'Well, my son...that is when I was helping one of the other FIVE BILLION PEOPLE on the planet, you selfish fuck. C'mon! You were walking back to your Malibu beach colony home and stubbed your toe on some driftwood, it's not a fuckin' emergency, alright? There's other people with real problems.'
  • High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know...
  • I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
  • [With reference to a 'how to date' book] Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
  • [On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
  • If someone gives you a kazoo and toots around the house to MTV, they're not gonna fuck you.
  • [On death & euthanasia] I think its funny how, that if I want to die with peace and dignity that there's someone far away that can prevent it. Someone's like [strong southern accent] 'Hi, I just wanted to call. This is Jeanette Dunwoody from Valdosta, Georgia. I heard that you're trying to kill yourself and I just wanna say that, well, you can't.' 'What?' 'Yeah, its not right, because all life is precious.' 'No, my life isn't precious, Ive been reduced to a shit and piss factory. I hurt always. I'm going to die within a year and I'm in pain constantly.' 'Oh, but Because of the Bible.' 'Well, I don't believe in the Bible.' 'Well, I do, silly!' [Hangs up]
  • So at the CES, there was a guy selling off this porno called Fuck My Dirty Shithole: The Movie. I bet you're thinking exactly what I was thinking … how did they make that book into a movie?
  • James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.

Shut Up, You Fucking Baby

  • Radio DJ's are the same two motherfucking asshole clowns all over the country. I hate radio interviews. 'You didn't know it David, but you're just in time for the Friday Morning Fart Song!' No, sorry, I'm not doing that. Even if it's only fifteen minutes, it's the worst fifteen minutes of your life. I don't care if you've been in a fucking shark attack. If I was in a shark attack, and then they had no anesthetic and they had to heal it up, sew it up, I would be like, 'This sucks,' but then if two DJ's came in and interviewed me I'd fucking shoot myself.
  • And the Pope is infallible, we're taught that, Pope can't make a mistake, so I don't know why the Catholic church just doesn't take that motherfucker to Vegas. 'All right, put all the Catholic churches money on 17 black.' [casino sound] '32 red, I'm sorry.' 'No, I don't think you heard, he said 17 black! Thank you! Let's go to Bellagio!' That way they could pay off those debts they owe.
  • [On the Catholic Church's sex scandals] And y'know, they're God's representatives, so that means... God fucks little boys.
  • Rickey Henderson, pick up the phone, man, it's me... you.
  • In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"
  • The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
  • [On being Jewish in the American South] All the parents see you as is a Jew; I'm a Jewish kid. I'm like a fucking alien to them, you know, I'm a If I slept over a friend's house, I'd always have to deal with these questions in the morning, like, you know, Mom coming in going <southern accent> "David, I'm so sorry to have to ask you this, I'm so sorry, um...I'm fixing to make breakfast for everybody and I certainly wanna include you...and I'm just having some questions I was hoping you could y'alls people eat oatmeal?" What? Yeah. Is there something in the Torah that says we shouldn't eat oatmeal? "No, it's just that I don't know much about y'alls people, that's all, I just don't know--I know y'all hate Jesus! I know y'all hate Jesus, that much I do know...aand, I know y'alls have seven Jew bankers that control the world's money supply, right? In a bunker somewhere about a mile into the earth's core? Is that right? Yeah? And y'all do dances in the woods, y'all wear cloaks and do secret services and burn potions and whatnots, and y'all have horns--that's all I know about y'alls people!"
  • Here's a little what it was like for me growing up in Atlanta... They had this ill-fated thing called 'Light Up Atlanta'. So, I'm standing in line... I tap the guy in front of me and say, "Uh, excuse me, can you tell me if this is the line for the beer, or the line to get the tickets to get the beer.' [long pause] 'I dunno, faggot.' I don't know, faggot? What? What did I do? Was it because I was sucking his cock at the time?

It's Not Funny

  • I don't think Osama bin Laden sent those planes to attack us because he hated our freedom. I think he did it because of our support for Israel, our ties with the Saudi family and our military bases in Saudi Arabia. You know why I think that? Because that's what he fucking said! Are we a nation of 6-year-olds? Answer: yes.
  • (On the Iraq War) I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. [laughter, long pause] No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are...
  • (After having made an abortion joke) I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... (mimicking child's voice:) 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts...
  • So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.
  • All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You’re just inconvenienced.
  • Not funny, not funny says she, didn't like it!
  • I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men…I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. (woman in audience says “Not buying that”) No? That one, you don’t believe it? You believe that I didn’t do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I’m going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what’s described as a 'joke.' Um, I’ll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.
  • So I was watching this one show where - there's a guy on stage and he pretends he has contact with the dead and people are watching...[At this point, some people in the audience answer Crossing Over.] No, not Crossing Over. It was uh, church.
  • [On freedom/America] I saw this ad for electric scissors [refering to a bit earlier] during an episode of "The Simple Life." Which is a show that glorifies these two rich, giggling cunts, who have no respect for anyone, and get away with anything. I, right then, vowed that I would retain this image everytime I hear George Bush say 'the terrorists hate our freedom.' You know what? I hate our freedom. Little ol' me, an American! I hate it! That's all we've done with it? We're fucking assholes, man. We...are...awful.
  • If the terrorists hated freedom, the Netherlands would be fucking dust.
  • There's a kind of racism in the south that is really so steadfast and true that I almost kind of begrudgingly, you know, admire it in a way, and that is that there are segregated graveyards. That just to me defies all logic...but it's also, like, "Well, hats're going to stick to your guns on that one, and take that shit to the grave? All right!" There's enough people to go, "Naw, man..ugh, I don't even wanna think about it. My dead, lifeless, rotting, maggot-infested to some black man's? Ewww!!! That's gross!" But that does pose an interesting scenario, because, what's going to happen when the zombies rise out of their graves? ... "We must take over the human race-- wait, what were you?" "I'm black." "Fuck you, nigger, you can't come." "What? No! But I'm a skeleton, you can't tell!" "Fuck youuu..."

External links

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[[File:|right|thumb|David Cross]] David Cross (born April 4, 1964) is an American comedian and actor who is known for being the main antagonist in both Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.


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