This is indeed a legitimate article. While he may not have worldwide fame, in both Central Pennsylvania, and southern New Hampshire he is well known throughout the community and it is my belief that information should be available about him.

David E. Emerick (born 1983 in New York) is both a tenth grade English teacher at Cumberland Valley High School and a somewhat talented musician. He is the lead singer of Rocket Science, a New York based uber-emo band.

Early Life

After being born to a less than wealthy Puerto Rican mother and left on the steps of a monastary in Queens, he was taken in by a group of priests who got fed up with him and shipped him off to Oslo at the age of six. However, young David boarded the wrong flight and wound up penniless and homeless in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. It was here that he adopted the faith of Islam and would acquire his now famous thick Arabic accent. He spent the next nine years working as a camel trainer. During this time he made yearly pilgramages to Mecca. However, when he was fifteen he was mistaken for a terrorist by CIA agents who immediately abducted him and brought him back to the states. He was not given a hearing, as is customary, but rather was directly shipped off to Guantanamo Bay under the incorrect name of Mohammad al-Jabar Aruff bin-Kareem Ali. He would spend the next three years in Guantanamo Bay. During this time he was ruthlessly tortured and it is widely believed that it was these experiences which inspired his emoism. It should aslo be noted that the guards at Guantanamo are very skilled in the arts of BDSM.

After a grand total of over three thousands sessions of waterboarding and electroshock, the authorities finally became convinced that he might not actually be a threat to national security. He was paroled out of Guantanamo on August 15, 2001, just in time for him to get into Dickinson College. However, this parol did come at a price. In order to win his freedom, he had to win a poprocks and coke eating contest between himself and Stuffy Pete. The tale of this battle, which resulted in Emerick losing multiple vital organs after his stomach exploded, was recorded by David Patterson in 2007, much like how Homer recorded the Trojan War.

College

Emerick's major allegedly had something to do with education, however this claim has been challenged repeatedly by insubordinate students. His minor had something to do with male-female interaction (seriously). It was also during this time that his Grammy Award winning band, Rocket Science, was formed. He had purple hair. During his time at Dickinson, he was involved in a student teaching program. After college, he somehow managed to get hired by Cumberland Valley School District, most likely through some very diabolical and mischevious scam.

Music Career

(rocket science bio here)

Hockey Career

Emerick began playing hockey while he was still a young lass, at the age of four. However, his love of hockey was interrupted by his journey to Saudi Arabia, which hasn't scene ice in eons. When he arrived at Dickinson from Guantanamo his hockey skills immediately returned and he quickly rose through the ranks of his team. However, he is no longer able to play because of complications which arose from his multiple system failures as a result of of his eat-off with Stuffy Pete. Despite his debilitating injuries, he still manages to coach the team from Dickinson, albeit not very well.

Teaching Career

With only two years of teaching experience under his belt, Emerick is often incorrectly referred to as a n00b at teaching. In his short teaching career he has rapidly become widely known for his unique teaching style, often described as a form of fascism. His favorite student is David McCollum.