Diane Szalinski: Wikis

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Character bio

Diane Szalinski is a fictional character from the Honey I Shrunk the Kids movies and TV series.

In the first two movies, she was played by Marcia Strassman, and in the direct-to-video sequel Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves she was played by Eve Gordon. In the TV series, she was played by Barbara Alyn Woods, who became the definitive version of the character.

Diane is in her late 30's, and has a successful career as a defense lawyer. She is a mother of two, and is married to Wayne Szalinski, an inventor. As such, she is often caught up in his invention-related misadventures, and is generally the victim of his machines' malfunctions. This often has negative side effects on her psyche. For a list of these incidents, read "Plots Involving Diane".

Diane's Personality

Diane is smart, resourceful, level-headed and she has a good sense of humour. She's always ready with a witty, sarcastic quip to bring Wayne back down to Earth when he unveils his absurd inventions. She is well-educated, and very bright. She is a wonderful mother to Amy and Nick, and a supportive, forgiving wife to Wayne. She is stubborn and determined-- she ran for school board president when she heard about problems at Amy's school in the episode Honey, Meet the Barbarians.

She has plenty of self esteem, and has very little inhibition, as evidenced by the fact that she often wears revealing clothing (Honey, They Call Me the Space Cowboy, many other episodes) and has no problem with seducing someone in order to get what she wants (for example, when she needs to get past the security guard in Honey, They're After Me Lucky Charms or when she needs to distract Mr. Jennings' brother in Honey, It's Doomsday.) Despite her lack of inhibition, she is also slightly conservative (at least when it comes to what her daughter wears) and out of touch with modern youth (Honey, You're Living in the Past). She's afraid of the dark (Honey, We're On TV).

There is some debate among fans of the show concerning what she was like as a teenager; In the early episode Honey, We're Stuck in the 70's, Diane is shown as a sensitive, rather plain girl (plain in terms of clothing-- she's still very attractive). Later in the first season, in the episode Honey, You're Living in the Past, she is depicted as a spoiled, stuck-up, rebellious, valley girl, and finally in the episode Honey, I'm Dreaming... Or Am I? she is shown as a rude, popular cheerleader. The latter is seen in Wayne's dream sequence, and so it may not be regarded as canon. The "Stuck in the 70's" scene is merely a plot device, and so the Living in the Past valley girl version is generally accepted as the true teenage persona of Diane.

Plots Involving Diane

While Diane is in every episode of the series, she is not always directly involved in the plot, as the show's focus is on Wayne. Although her character is strong, intelligent and mature, she is often relegated to the role of damsel in distress, or worse-- often she is unable to even communicate, because Wayne's inventions often subvert her brain. Here is a list of the episodes in which Diane plays a major role, and how.

Honey, You've Got Nine Lives

Diane accidentally swaps brains with a cat, resulting in her acting like a cat, trying to eat the family's goldfish, purring, etc. In this episode, she is not completely just a damsel in distress, because she, in the cat's body, is the one who saves the day.

Honey, You're Living in the Past

Diane uses one of Wayne's inventions to recall her youth in order to relate better to her teenage client. While she uses it, there is a power blackout and she becomes stuck in her ditzy, 16-year-old valley girl mentality.

Honey, You Drained My Brain

It's Diane's first big case, and she's really nervous. She tries to use an invention of Wayne's to help her in court, but instead it turns her into an evil brain-sucking super-genius. For the first half of the episode, she is a super-intelligent villain, but during the second half she is the heroine (and also becomes a brainless, helpless idiot for a while). That's three roles in one episode--villain, protagonist and damsel in distress!

Honey, I'm in the Mood for Love

Diane eats one of Wayne's "love chocolates" and falls madly in love with a giant bug (actually Wayne's boss). After she is restored to normal, she is captured by the bug and becomes the damsel in distress for Wayne to save.

Honey, I'm Trick or Treating

Diane dresses up as Xena the Warrior Princess for Hallowe'en, and has a truly hilarious battle against an evil hooded man with a hook.

Honey, It's Doomsday

Diane plays a major part in saving the day by singing a sexy song ("Big Spender") to the episode's villain, in an attempt to seduce him. Note: Apart from being a very sexy scene, this is also one of the funniest scenes in the series, thanks to Mr. Jennings' facial expressions as he plays the piano!

Honey, I'm Rooting for the Hometeam

Diane takes belly-dancing lessons. Note: This sub-plot doesn't really lead anywhere, and is never mentioned again.

Honey, We're Young At Heart

Diane and Wayne become senile senior citizens after rapidly aging thanks to Wayne's invention, and require the kids to change them back to normal.

Honey, You'll Always Be a Princess to Me

Diane goes through a fairly premature mid-life crisis, and attempts to look young again with the help of an ancient spell. She becomes possessed by an evil ancient princess, and again plays the role of damsel in distress AND villain, at the same time!

Honey, There's a Pox On Our House

The family is infected by chicken pox, and so Diane stays at a hotel until they're well again. Meanwhile, Mr. Jennings (Wayne's boss) falls in love with her, thanks to Wayne's latest invention. Now Mr. Jennings wants to impregnate Diane, but Wayne doesn't want her to be disturbed by his insane boss, so he uses another invention to take on her physical appearance (played by Woods, with Wayne's voice), and ends up getting chased around his office by his enamoured boss. Note: Barbara Alyn Woods acts in this episode alot, but the actual character Diane isn't actually seen much.

Honey, Situation Normal: All Szalinski'd Up

Diane keeps going into a vegetative state and becoming a living statue, because her brain has been completely screwed up by Wayne's latest machine, just as Amy (her daughter)'s college recruiter arrives at the house. Amy is forced to call her friend over to dress up as her mother, while Wayne takes a trip inside Diane's mind to snap her out of it.

Honey, I'm Spooked

Diane thinks, talks and dresses like a little girl because she's possessed, needing Amy to take care of her.

Honey, I Shrink, Therefore I Am

In what was planned as the final episode of the series, Diane announces that she is pregnant (presumably with the character Adam, who is featured in the second and third HISTK movies).

Honey, Whodunit?

Diane plays the role of a typical film noir damsel in distress (with a twist I won't reveal here). It's excusable here because the whole episode is a film noir parody, and a very funny one at that.