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Douglas Coupland

Born December 30, 1961 (1961-12-30) (age 48)
CFB Baden-Söllingen, West Germany
Occupation Writer, Artist
Nationality Canadian
Literary movement Postmodernism, Modernism
Notable work(s) Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, Microserfs, & JPod
Partner(s) David Weir[1]
Official website

Douglas Coupland (born December 30, 1961) is a Canadian novelist. His fiction is complemented by recognized works in design and visual art arising from his early formal training. His first novel, the 1991 international bestseller Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, popularized terms such as McJob and Generation X. He has published thirteen novels, a collection of short stories, seven non-fiction books, and a number of dramatic works and screenplays for film and television. A specific feature of Coupland's novels is their synthesis of postmodern religion, Web 2.0 technology, human sexuality, and pop culture.

Coupland currently lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with his partner David Weir.[1] He published his twelfth novel Generation A in 2009. He is presently working on a biography of Marshall McLuhan for Penguin's "Extraordinary Canadians" book series, an updated release of City of Glass, and a new television series, Extinction Event.[2] He will also be the presenter of the 2011 Massey Lectures.

Contents

Early life

Coupland was born on December 30, 1961 at a NATO base in Baden-Söllingen, West Germany, the second of four sons to Dr. Douglas Charles Thomas Coupland, a medic in the Royal Canadian Air Force, and homemaker C. Janet Coupland, a degree holder in comparative religion from McGill University. In 1965, the Coupland family relocated to West Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, where Coupland's father opened private family medical practice at the completion of his military tour.

Coupland describes his upbringing as producing a "blank slate".[3] "My mother comes from a sour-faced family of preachers who from the 19th century to well into the 20th scoured the prairies thumping Bibles. Her parents tried to get away from that but unwittingly transmitted their values to my mother. My father's family weren't that different."[3]

Graduating from Sentinel Secondary School in West Vancouver in 1979, Coupland went to McGill University with the intention of (like his father) studying the sciences, specifically physics.[4] Coupland left McGill at the year's end and returned to Vancouver to attend art school.

At the Emily Carr College of Art and Design (now the Emily Carr University of Art and Design) on Granville Island in Vancouver, in Coupland's words, "I … had the best four years of my life. It's the one place I've felt truly, totally at home. It was a magic era between the hippies and the PC goon squads. Everyone talked to everyone and you could ask anybody anything."[5] Coupland graduated from Emily Carr in 1984 with a focus on sculpture, and moved on to study at the European Design Institute in Milan, Italy and the Hokkaido College of Art and Design in Sapporo, Japan.[5] He also completed courses in business science, fine art, and industrial design in Japan in 1986.

Established as a designer working in Tokyo, Coupland suffered a skin condition brought on by Tokyo's summer climate, and returned to Vancouver[5]. Before leaving Japan, Coupland had sent a postcard ahead to a friend in Vancouver. The friend's husband, a magazine editor, read the postcard and offered Coupland a job writing for the magazine.[5] Coupland began writing for magazines as a means of paying his studio bills.[6]

Generation X to Life After God

From 1989 to 1990, Coupland lived in the Mojave Desert working on a handbook about the birth cohort that followed the baby boom.[7] He received a $22,500 advance from St. Martin's Press to write the nonfiction handbook. Instead, Coupland wrote a novel, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture.[8] It was rejected in Canada before being accepted by an American publishing house in 1991.[9] Not an instant success, the novel steadily increased in sales, eventually attracting a following behind its core idea of "Generation X". Over his own protestations, Coupland was dubbed the spokesperson for a generation.[10] Terms popularized by Coupland in the novel, including Generation X and McJob, ultimately entered the vernacular.[11]

His second novel, Shampoo Planet, was published by Pocket Books in 1992. It focused on the generation after Generation X, the group called "Global Teens" in his first novel and now generally labeled Generation Y.[8] Coupland permanently moved back to Vancouver soon after the novel was published. He had spent his "twenties scouring the globe thinking there had to be a better city out there, until it dawned on [him] that Vancouver is the best one going".[12] He wrote a collection of small books, which together were compiled, after the advice of his publisher, into the book Life After God. This collection of short stories, with its focus on spirituality, initially provoked polarized reaction before eventually revealing itself as a bellwether text for the avant-garde sensibility identified by Ferdinand Mount as "Christian post-Christian".[13]

Microserfs to All Families are Psychotic

1994 found Coupland working for the newly-formed magazine Wired. While there, Coupland wrote a short story about the life of the employees at Microsoft Corporation. This short work provided the inspiration for a novel, Microserfs. To research the culture that the novel depicted, Coupland had moved to Palo Alto, California and immersed himself in Silicon Valley life.[14] By coincidence, Coupland released Microserfs in the same week that Microsoft released the Windows 95 operating system.

Coupland followed Microserfs with his first collection of non-fiction pieces, in 1996. Polaroids from the Dead is a manifold of stories and essays on diverse topics, including: Grateful Dead concerts; Harolding; Kurt Cobain's death; the visiting of a German reporter; and a comprehensive essay on Brentwood, California, written at the time of the O. J. Simpson murder case and the anniversary of Marilyn Monroe's death.

That same year, Coupland toured Europe to promote Microserfs, but the high workload brought on fatigue and mental strain.[15][16] He reportedly incorporated his experience with depression during this period into his next novel, Girlfriend in a Coma. Coupland noted that this was his last novel to be "…written as a young person, the last constructed from notebooks full of intricate observations".[17]

In 2000, Coupland published Miss Wyoming, his first novel written in the narrative mode.

Coupland then published his photographic paean to Vancouver, City of Glass. The book incorporates sections from Life After God and Polaroids from the Dead into a visual narrative, formed from photographs of Vancouver locations and life supplemented by stock footage mined from local newspaper archives.

Coupland's next novel, All Families Are Psychotic, tells the story of a dysfunctional family from Vancouver coming together to watch their daughter Sarah, an astronaut, launch into space.

In 2004, the dormant Saarinen-designed TWA Flight Center (now Jetblue Terminal 5) at JFK Airport briefly hosted an art exhibition called Terminal 5,[18] curated by Rachel K. Ward[19] and featuring the work of 18 artists[20] including Coupland.

Souvenir of Canada to Generation A

The promotional rounds for All Families are Psychotic were underway when the September 11 attacks took place. In a play called September 10 performed later at Stratford-upon-Avon for the Royal Shakespeare Company, Coupland felt that this was the last day of the 1990s, and the new century had now truly begun.[21][22]

The first book that Coupland published after the September 11 attacks was Souvenir of Canada, which expanded his earlier City of Glass to incorporate the whole of Canada. There are two volumes in this series, which was conceived as an explanation to non-Canadians of uniquely Canadian things.

Coupland's second book in this period, Hey Nostradamus!, describes a fictitious high school shooting similar to the Columbine High School in 1999.[23] Coupland relocates the events to school in North Vancouver, Canada.

Coupland followed Hey Nostradamus! with Eleanor Rigby. Similarly to the titular original written and sung by The Beatles, the novel examines loneliness.[24]

Using the format of City of Glass and Souvenir of Canada, Coupland released a book for the Terry Fox Foundation called Terry. It is a photographic look back on the life of Fox, the result of Coupland's exhaustive research through the Terry Fox archives, including thousands of emotional letters from Canadians written to Fox during his one-legged marathon across Canada on Highway 1.

The third work of fiction in this period is another re-envisioning of a previous book. jPod, billed as Microserfs for the Google generation, is his first Web 2.0 novel. The text of jPod recreates the experience of a novel read online on a notebook computer. jPod was a popular success, giving rise to a CBC Television series for which Coupland wrote the script.

The U.S./UK cover of Generation A

Coupland published his latest novel Generation A in 2009. His website states that "Generation A mirrors the structure of 1991's Generation X as it champions the act of reading and storytelling as one of the few defenses we still have against the constant bombardment of the senses in a digital world".[25] The novel takes place in the near future, after bees have become extinct, and focuses on five people from around the globe who are connected by being stung.

On March 11, 2010,l the Vancouver Sun announced that Coupland is set to receive an honorary degree from the University of British Columbia.[26]

Visual arts

In 2000, Coupland resumed a visual arts practice dormant since 1989. His is a post-medium practice that employs a variety of materials. A common theme in his work is a curiosity with the corrupting and seductive dimensions of pop culture and 20th century pop art, especially that of Andy Warhol. Another recurring theme is military imagery, the result of growing up in a military family at the height of the Cold War. He is represented by the Clark & Faria Gallery in Toronto.

Television

Image from the television series jPod

In 2007 Coupland worked with the CBC to write and executive produce a television series based on his novel jPod. Its 13 one-hour episodes aired in Canada in 2007. The show was canceled due to network politics, even after a major viewer-initiated campaign to save it.[27] Coupland is currently working on a new science fiction miniseries, Extinction Event, in which a group of characters experiences a different end of the world every week, caught in a karmic loop similar to that in the film Groundhog Day.

Film

2005 marked the release of a documentary about Coupland called Souvenir of Canada. In it, Coupland works on a grand art project about Canada, recounts his life, and muses about various aspects of Canadian identity.

2006 brought the release of Everything's Gone Green, a comedy film starring Paulo Costanzo, directed by Paul Fox, and written by Coupland. The film was produced by Radke Films and True West Films. The distributor is THINKFilm in Canada and Shoreline Entertainment elsewhere. The film, Coupland's first screenplay, won the award for best Canadian feature film at the 2006 Vancouver International Film Festival.

Upcoming works include All Families Are Psychotic[28] and the Extinction Event miniseries.

Charity

Coupland is involved with Canada's Terry Fox Foundation. In 2005, Douglas & McIntyre published Terry, Coupland's biographical collection of photos and text essays about the life of legendary one-legged Canadian athlete Terry Fox. All proceeds from the book are donated to the foundation for cancer research. Terry's format is similar to that of Coupland's City of Glass and Souvenir of Canada books. Its release coincided with the 25th anniversary of Terry Fox's 1980 Marathon of Hope.

Coupland codesigned a eight-hectare urban park (as yet unnamed) in downtown Toronto adjacent to the Gardiner Expressway. The park, slated to open on September 9, 2009, is embedded with a one-mile run called the Terry Fox Miracle Mile.

Coupland has also raised money for the Vancouver Art Gallery and the Western Canada Wilderness Committee by participating in advertising campaigns.

Bibliography

Fiction

Non-fiction

Drama and screenplays

  • Douglas Coupland: Close Personal Friend (1996)
  • September 10 (2004)
  • Inside the Light (2005)
  • Souvenir of Canada (2005) (writing and narration)
  • Everything's Gone Green (2007)
  • All Families Are Psychotic (2009)
Announced on 9 February 2006, based on the novel of the same name.
  • jPod (2008) (TV series)
Premiered January 8, 2008 on CBC. Canceled on March 7, 2008. Final airing April 4, 2008.

Criticism and interpretation

Essays

  • Dalton-Brown, Sally. "The Dialectics of Emptiness: Douglas Coupland's and Viktor Pelevin's Tales of Generation X and P." Forum for Modern Language Studies 42.3 (2006): 239-48.
  • Forshaw, Mark. "Douglas Coupland: In and Out of 'Ironic Hell'." Critical Survey 12.3 (2000): 39-58.
  • Katerberg, William H. "Western Myth and the End of History in the Novels of Douglas Coupland." Western American Literature 40.3 (2005): 272-99.
  • McGill, Robert. "The Sublime Simulacrum: Vancouver in Douglas Coupland's Geography of Apocalypse." Essays on Canadian Writing 70 (2000): 252-76.
  • Tate, Andrew. "'Now-here is My Secret': Ritual and Epiphany in Douglas Coupland's Fiction." Literature & Theology: An International Journal of Religion, Theory, and Culture 16.3 (2002): 326-38.

Books

  • Tate, Andrew. Douglas Coupland. Manchester: Manchester University Press, 2007.

See also

References

  1. ^ a b Kurutz, Steven (2009-08-12). "Saving the House Next Door". The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/garden/13location.html. Retrieved 2009-10-21. 
  2. ^ "Extraordinary Canadians". http://extraordinarycanadians.ca/authors/coupland.html. Retrieved 2009-01-04. 
  3. ^ a b Wark, Penny."Trawling for Columbine". The Times, September 12th, 2003.
  4. ^ Colman, David. "Take a Sharp Turn at Fiorucci". The New York Times, September 30, 2007.
  5. ^ a b c d Jackson, Alan. "I didn't get where I am today without..." The Times, June 17, 2006.
  6. ^ "The week in Reviews:Talkin' about his generation". The Observer, April 26, 1998.
  7. ^ Barker, Pat. "Behind the Lines". The Times, October 9, 2007.
  8. ^ a b Dafoe, Chris. "Carving a profile from a forgotten generation". The Globe and Mail, November 9, 1991.
  9. ^ McLaren, Leah. "Birdman of BC". The Globe and Mail, September 28, 2006.
  10. ^ Muro, Mark. "'Baby Busters' resent life in Boomers' debris". The Boston Globe, November 10, 1991.
  11. ^ Gilbert, Matthew. "Life after 'X'". The Boston Globe, March 16, 1994.
  12. ^ Coupland, Douglas. City of Glass
  13. ^ Mount, Ferdinand (2008-03-05). "The downfall of a pessimist". The Spectator. http://www.spectator.co.uk/print/the-magazine/books/539756/the-downfall-of-a-pessimist.thtml. Retrieved 2009-01-03. 
  14. ^ Grimwood, Jon Courtenay. "Nerds of the cyberstocracy". The Independent, November 13, 1995
  15. ^ Smith, Stephen. "Dictators and comas". The Globe and Mail, March 14, 1998.
  16. ^ "Dealing with the X factor". The Age, July 30, 2005.
  17. ^ Wheelwright, Julie. "Talking About Which Generation?" The Independent, February 12, 2000.
  18. ^ "TWA Terminal Named as One of the Nation’s Most Endangered Places". Municipal Art Society New York, February 9th, 2004. http://mas.org/twa-terminal-named-as-one-of-the-nations-most-endangered-places/. 
  19. ^ "A Review of a Show You Cannot See". Designobvserver.com, Tom Vanderbilt, January 14, 2005. http://observatory.designobserver.com/entry.html?entry=2897. 
  20. ^ "Now Boarding: Destination, JFK". The Architects Newspaper, September 21, 2004. http://www.archpaper.com/e-board_rev.asp?News_ID=098&PagePosition=5. 
  21. ^ Gill, Alexandra. "Mirror, mirror on the page". The Globe and Mail, December 30, 2004.
  22. ^ "A slacker hero hits the stage". The Globe and Mail, July 31, 2004.
  23. ^ Anthony, Andrew. “Close to the Edge”. ‘’The Observer’’, August 24, 2003.
  24. ^ ”Dealing with the X factor”. ‘‘The Age’’, July 30, 2005.
  25. ^ [1]
  26. ^ http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/Rick+Mercer+John+Furlong+Douglas+Coupland+receive+honorary+degrees+from/2672477/story.html
  27. ^ "Save jPod". 2007. http://www.savejpod.ca. 
  28. ^ "Coupland on IMDB". http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1194190/. 

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

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It has been suggested that All Families Are Psychotic be merged into this article or section. (Discuss)

Douglas Coupland (born December 30, 1961) is a Canadian fiction writer and cultural commentator. He is perhaps best known for the 1991 novel Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, which popularized the terms "Generation X" and "McJob". Most of Coupland's work explores the harsher realities of life for this generation, including intense media saturation, a lack of religious values and economic instability.

Contents

Generation X (1991)

  • "You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied."
  • McJob : A low-pay, low-prestige, low-dignity, low-benefit, no-future job in the service sector. Frequently considered a satisfying career choice by people who have never held one.
  • Starved for affection, terrified of abandonment, I began to wonder if sex was really just an excuse to look deeply into another human being's eyes.
  • All events became omens; I lost the ability to take anything literally.
  • ... after you're dead and buried and floating around whatever place we go to, what's going to be your best memory of Earth ? ... What moment for you defines what it's like to be alive on this planet ?
  • Fake yuppie experiences that you had to spend money on, like white water rafting or elephant rides in Thailand don't count. I want to hear some small moment from your life that proves you're really alive.
  • I don't want dainty little moments of insight ...
  • We live small lives on the periphery; we are marginalized and there's a great deal in which we choose not to participate. We wanted silence and we have that silence now. We arrived here speckled in sores and zits, our colons so tied in knots that we never thogught we'd have a bowel movement again. Our systems had stopped working, jammed with the odor of copy machines, Wite-Out, the smell of bond paper, and the endless stress of pointless jobs done grudgingly to little applause. We had compulsions that made us confuse shopping with creativity, to take downers and assume that merely renting a video on a Saturday night was enough. But now that we live here in the desert, things are much, much better.

Shampoo Planet (1992)

  • "Grandpa, like most of the fun-loving gang who built the Plants, just wanted to die or have his brain turn to oatmeal before it becomes too apparent exactly what a nightmare he and his buddies have saddled their descendants with."
  • Meeting Anna-Louise was like finding a stranger's shopping list on the mall flooor and realising there are other, more interesting diets than your own. It was the first time I ever felt incomplete.
  • "'Is the hotel Marge? It has to be Marge. I want atmosphere.' Marge is Anna-Louise's word describing sad, 1950s-ish diner-type places where the waitresses are named Marge."
  • Preemptive boringness. Being one-dimensional is the most satisfying method of coping with out-of-control people - with any situation that's out of control ... Don't let people know the ideas you love, the games you've played, the places you've visited in your mind. Keep your treasure to yourself.
  • I think about how I think I know a person then 'poof!' I discover I only knew a cartoon version. Suddenly there's this fleshy, demanding, noisy creature in front of me, unknowable and just as lost as I am, and equally unable to remember that every soul in the world is hurting, not just themselves.
  • "We call Jasmine's room 'The Harem,' a sexy place, about which Dan never complained, even though his own possessions, his laptop PC and briefcase, for example, looked crazy in the environment, invasive and overcomplex, like Stealth bombers in SmurfWorld."
  • When you grow older a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don't. Here is a list of the symptoms, and don't worry - loneliness is the most universal sensation on the planet. Just remember one fact - loneliness will pass. You will survive and you will be a better human for it.
  • I have this feeling watching Jasmine - that as you grow older, it becomes harder to feel 100 percent happy; you learn all the things that can go wrong; you become superstitious about tempting fate, about bringing disaster upon your life by accidentally feeling too good one day.
  • I'm beginning to feel like a microwaved egg that will explode if anybody so much as breathes onto the surface.
  • I tell you what : I give you all of my strength - I seal it inside a little green envelope and mail it to you with hope and peace and much much love. Take all you need and take it quickly.
  • Your inability to achieve solitude makes you settle for substandard relationships.
  • You don't believe magic is possible in lives lived within traditional boundaries.
  • You are paralyzed by the fact that cruelty is often amusing.
  • You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you worry you are an interchangeable cog.
  • You still don't know what you do well.
  • You wilfully ignore the small, gentle observations in life which you know are the most important.
  • Your refusal to acknowledge the dark side of humanity makes you prey to that dark side.
  • You worry that if you lower your guard, even for one second, your whole world will disintegrate into chaos.
  • You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life which you should be bringing about yourself.

Life After God (1994)

  • I mean five thousand years ago people emerge out of nowhere -- sproing!-- with brains and everything and begin wrecking the planet. You'd think we'd give the issue a little more thought than we do.
  • Your own nature will triumph. We are all born with our natures... And I think back over my life and I realize that my own nature -the core me- essentially hasn't changed over all these years. When I wake up in the morning, for those first few moments before I remember where I am or when I am, I still feel the same way I did when I woke up at the age of five.
  • Time ticks by; we grow older. Before we know it, too much time has passed and we've missed the chance to have had people hurt us. To a younger me this sounded like luck; to an older me this sounded like a quiet tragedy.
  • Technology does not always equal progress.
  • I thought that intimacy with another soul was the closest I could ever come to leaving my body.
  • When you're young you always feel that life hasn't yet begun...But then suddenly you're old and the scheduled life didn't arrive.
  • I realized a capacity for not feeling lonely carried a very real price, which was the threat of feeling nothing at all.
  • Is feeling nothing the inevitable result of believing in nothing? ...I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.
  • ...I realized that once people are broken in certain ways they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one.
  • Compromise is said to be the way of the world and yet I find myself feeling sick trying to accept what it has done to me.

Microserfs (1995)

  • I'm trying to feel more well adjusted than I really am, which is, I guess, the human condition.
  • What is the one thing more than any other thing that makes one person different from any other person?
  • ...when you're in love, all of your doors are open, and all of their doors are open. And you roller-skate down your halls together.
  • The two of you start talking about your feelings and your feelings float outside of you like vapors, and they mix together like a fog. Before you realize it, the two of you have become the same mist and you realize you can never return to being just a lone cloud again, because the isolation would be intolerable.
  • I told Ethan that I speak in an unrestricted manner to animals -- things like, aren't you just the cutest little kitty... that kind of thing, which I wouldn't dream of doing to humans. Then I realized I wish I could.
  • I used to always think I had to have a reason to record my observations of the day, or even my emotions, but now I think simply being alive is more than enough reason.
  • Language is such a technology.
  • We are at the vanguard of adolescent protraction.

Girlfriend in a Coma (1998)

  • Destiny is what we work toward. The future doesn't exist yet. Fate is for losers.
  • At what point in our lives do we stop blurring? When do we become crisp individuals? What must we do in order to end these fuzzy identities - to clarify just who it is we really are?
  • We had all awakened X number of years past our youth feeling sleazy and harsh. Choices still existed, but they were no longer infinite. Fun had become a scrim, concealing the hysteria that lay behind it.
  • At twenty you know you're not going to be a rock star... by twenty-five you know you're not going to be a dentist or a professional... by thirty, a darkness starts moving in - you wonder if you're ever going to be fulfilled, let alone wealthy or successful... by thirty-five, you know, basically, what you're going to be doing the rest of your life; you become resigned to your fate.
  • Nobody believes the identites we've made for ourselves. I feel like everybody in the world is fake now - as though people had true cores once, but hucked them away and replaced them with something more attractive but also hollow.
  • There's nothing at the center of what we do.
  • Her friends have become who they've become by default. Their dreams are forgotten, or were never formulated to begin with.
  • There's a hardness I'm seeing in modern people. Those little moments of goofiness that used to make the day pass seem to have gone. Life's so serious now.
  • What's the point of being efficient if you're only leading an efficiently blank life?
  • We barely have enough time to figure out who we are and then we become bitter and isolated as we age.
  • Scrape. Feel. Dig. Believe. Ask.
  • Ask whatever challenges dead and thoughtless beliefs.
  • If you're not spending every waking moment of your life radically rethinking the nature of the world - if you're not plotting every moment boiling the carcass of the old order - then you're wasting your day.

Hey Nostradamus! (2003)

  • If you want to get close to somebody, you have to tell him or her something intimate about yourself. They'll tell you something intimate in return, and if you keep this going, maybe you'll end up in love.
  • People like that woman make it clear just how asinine it is to believe that human beings have some kind of in-built universal sense of goodness. These days I think that everybody's just one spit away from being a mall bomber.
  • Lists only spell out the things that can be taken away from us by moths and rust and thieves. If something is valuable, don't put it in a list. Don't even say the words.
  • I was Cheryl Anway- that has to count for something.
  • What surprises me about humanity is that in the end such a narrow range of plights defines our moral lives.
  • I hear that God has a really bad haircut.
  • The heart of a man is like deep water.

JPod (2006)

  • People who advocate simplicity have money in the bank; the money came first, not the simplicity. (from inside the cover)
  • The only way to the top is killing and greed. Okay, I’m kidding. But killing helps.
  • Don’t you get an empty feeling in your soul when you have a blank to-do list?
  • TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
  • Nobody has ever been happy in a job they obtained by first handing in a resumé.
  • If you’re an incredibly famous rich person who does more in one day than I do in a month, does your perception of time’s passing go slower or faster than it does for me?
  • “I have this theory about smart people. If you’re smart, you’re either the only person in your family who’s smart, or everybody in the family is smart. No in-between.”
    I considered this. “I think I come from the everybody’s smart category. But they don’t apply their smarts to… larger picture pursuits. That includes me.”
  • “To be merely good enough is to never succeed.”
  • “You feel chilled because you have no character. You’re a depressing assemblage of pop culture influences and cancelled emotions, driven by the sputtering engine of only the most banal form of capitalism. You spend your life feeling as if you’re perpetually on the brink of being obsolete — whether it’s labour market obsolescence or cultural unhipness. And it’s all catching up with you. You live and die by the development cycle. You’re glamorized drosophila flies, with the company regulating your life cycles at whim. If it isn’t a budget-driven eighteen-month game production schedule, it’s a five-year hardware obsolescence schedule. Every five years you have to throw away everything you know and learn a whole new set of hardware and software specs, relegating what was once critical to our lives to the cosmic slag heap.”
  • As he ages and sees more of the world, he’s realizing that bad news is a part of life, and that when you have to give it, just say it and get it over with.
  • Comics day came and went. Another shoes day came and went. And another comics day followed that — the typical production and consumption cycles that help us survice our dismal, meaningless little lives.
  • Ethan is annoyed with all of these dumb campaigns that indoctrinate millions of people into thinking they’re tough-guy free spirits when, in fact, there’s probably much to be said for following and, in any event, the food chain isn’t structured to encompass millions of non-followers.
  • If you can control your emotions, chances are you don’t have too many.
  • Only damaged people want good things to happen to them through visualization. They want something for nothing.
  • Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?
  • Chances are you feel superior to almost everyone you work with — however, they probably feel the same way about you.
  • It can be really fun to go down with the ship.
  • Here’s my theory about meetings and life: the three things you can’t fake are erections, competence and creativity. That’s why meetings become toxic — they put uncreative people in a situation in which they have to be something they can never be. And the more effort they put into concealing their inabilities, the more toxic the meeting becomes.
  • “You have to admit, half the people who work here are mildly autistic; poor social skills, the ability to obsess on anything numerical or repetitive, the odd outfits, the paranoia and the sense of continually being judged and measured.”
  • “Why are we drinking Zima? It’s beyond irony. It’s not funny or anything. It’s just gross. Why not just serve us jugs of Hitler’s piss instead?”
    “Drinking Zima is something Douglas Coupland would make a character do.”
    “To what end?”
    “It’d be a device that would allow him to locate the characters in time and a specific sort of culture.”
  • Older staffers don’t even bother coming in on weekends. Where is the sleep-crazed, Pepsi-fuelled one-point-oh tech environment that can only be created by having no green vegetables, no sex and no life?
    Cowboy said, “I miss the greed of the 1990s bubble.”
    John Doe said, “I miss the possibility of unearned wealth.”
    Bree said, “I miss the possibility of doing something Apple, something one-point-oh.”
    Evil Mark said, “I miss people having Hot Wheels tracks set up in their cubicles.”
    Gord-O walked into the pod. “You can’t miss the nineties, because you weren’t there. They were great. Too bad you screwed-up twits missed out on the party.”
  • “A girl can’t control who will and who won’t fall in love with her, Ethan. And sometimes, when a nuisance person falls in love with you, it can be awfully… awkward.”
  • “I wish my parents took good care of their grow-op.”
  • “I was in a testy mood. I’d been inside my head all day — some days that just happens. You get lost doing just one task, and suddenly you look up and it’s dark out, but you still don’t want to leave your headspace, and the she comes up behind you with a 150 KHz marine emergency blow horn and lets off one big parp that has you shitting out your eyes, ears, and nostrils, and when you turn around, you discover that your evil co-workers were videoing the entire prank, and you get furious and you scream for everybody to fuck off and die. “Aw shucks, it was only a joke,” but the fact remains that because of that one loud parp you’ll never be able to parse C++ code again because you fried those dendrites that dictate logic patterns, and in a flash you see yourself as a future object of pity, forced to work at a TacoTime outlet, feeding disrespectful larvae of the middle classes while taking soiled orange PVC trash bags out to the back alley, where you see a grease storage drum, and wistfully remember that earlier, more charmed portion of your life when you once knew the chemicals and procedures necessary to convert restaurant grease into clean-burning planet-friendly ethanol, and that was just one of the many feats your brain was capable of, back before the parping, back before people whispered when they saw you walking their way, hoping they wouldn’t have to make small talk with you, back before they dumbed themselves down to the verbal level of Pebbles Flintstone to make you understand them.
  • The problem is, after a week of intense googling, we’ve started to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. God must feel that way all the time. I think people in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless.
  • You know what? When you read a book, you’re totally lost in your own private world, and society says that’s a good and wonderful thing. But if you play a game by yourself, it’s this weird, fucked-up, socially damaging activity.
    In my neighbourhood, all the teenage boys are dying because they’re driving their cars using videogame physics instead of real-world physics. They turn too quickly and change lanes too quickly. They don’t understand traction or centripetal force. And they’re dropping like flies.
    Please stop putting quotes from Nietzsche at the end of your emails. Five years ago you were laughing your guts out over American Pie 2. What — suddenly you’ve magically turned into Noam Chomsky?
    Don’t discuss Sony like it’s a great big benevolent cartoon character who lives next door to Astro Boy. Like any company, Sony is comprised of individuals who are fearful for their jobs on a daily basis, and who make lame decisions based pretty much on fear and conforming to social norms — but then, that’s every corporation on earth, so don’t single out one specific corporation as lovable and cute. They’re all evil and greedy. They’re all sort of in the moral middle ground, where good and bad cancel each other out, so there’s nothing really there — which, in it’s own way, far darker than any paranoid or patriarchal theory of Sony.
    Here’s a much simpler example of geeks and neural processing malfunctions: Has anybody experienced a geek environment in which said geeks wear perfume or deodorant? Chances are no. While advanced microautistics are more commonly men than women, both share a marked dislike of scent.
  • It turns out that only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony — which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value. I can’t imagine anything worse than that. Okay, maybe I can, but imagine reading the morning newspaper and believing it all to be true on some level.
  • “What do lesbians have against capitalized letters?”
    “Capitalization implies a hierarchy, that some letters are more special than others.”
  • Hip flasks are the juice machines of the alcohol world — everyone has one and it never gets used.
  • I was wondering what electrons are actually doing when they sit in your hard drive in an old laptop at the back of your closet. I mean, how does an electron sit still — is it like a cartoon M&M learning back in a folding beach chair? Is it like an angry little steel ball bearing hovering there, just waiting to go nuts on protons? What’s the mechanism that starts and stops the electron? Who’s its dungeon master?
  • Life is dull, but it could be worse and it could be better. We accept that a corporation determines our life’s routines. It’s the trade-off so that we don’t have to be chronically unemployed creative types, and we know it. When we were younger, we’d at least make a show of not being fooled and leave copies of Adbusters on our desktops. After a few years it just doesn’t matter. You trawl for jokes or amusingly diversionary .wav files. You download music. A new project comes along, then endures a slow-motion smothering at the hands of meetings. All ideas feel stillborn. The air smells like five hundred sheets of paper.
    And then it’s another day.

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