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Gin Tama
The image features a jumping silver-haired person with a surprised expression and holding up one arm. He wears a white and light blue kimono, a pair of black boots and pants. Only one arm is covered by the kimono. He has a wooden-sword being held by a black belt. The background features the Universe, a large number of stars, and in the bottom the Earth. The kanji 銀魂 (Gintama) is below, being written light blue and red letters with a golden spiral shown in the back. Under the kanji, the number "1" is shown, in the right words 天然パーマに悪いやつはいない (Tennen Pāma ni Warui Yatsu wa Inai) and above credits to the publisher (Jump Comics) and the author (Hideaki Sorachi).
Cover of Gin Tama's first volume 1 published by Shueisha featuring Gintoki Sakata.
銀魂
(Silver Soul)
Genre Comedy, Parody, Science Fiction
Manga
Author Hideaki Sorachi
Publisher Shueisha
English publisher Canada United States Viz Media
Demographic Shōnen
Magazine Weekly Shōnen Jump
English magazine Canada United States Shonen Jump (Ended)
Original run December 8, 2003 – ongoing
Volumes 32 (List of volumes)
Original video animation
Studio Sunrise
Released December 2004
Runtime 33 minutes
TV anime
Director Shinji Takamatsu (episodes 1-105)
Yoichi Fujita (episode 100 onwards)
Studio Sunrise
Licensor Canada United States Sentai Filmworks
Network TV Tokyo
Original run April 4, 2006 – ongoing
Episodes 199 (List of episodes)
Light novel
3-Nen Z-Gumi Ginpachi-sensei
Author Tomohito Ōsaki
Illustrator Hideaki Sorachi
Publisher Shueisha
Original run February 3, 2006 – ongoing
Volumes 4
Original video animation
White Demon's Birth
Studio Sunrise
Released December 2008
Runtime 10 minutes
Anime film
Gintama: A New Retelling Benizakura Arc
Studio Sunrise
Released April 24, 2010
Related works
Anime and Manga Portal

Gin Tama (銀魂 Gintama?, lit. "Silver Soul") is a Japanese manga written and illustrated by Hideaki Sorachi and serialized, beginning in December 8, 2003, in Shueisha's Weekly Shōnen Jump. Set in an Edo which has been conquered by aliens named Amanto, the plot follows life from the point of view of samurai Gintoki Sakata, who works as a freelancer alongside his friends Shinpachi Shimura and Kagura in order to pay the monthly rent. Sorachi added the science fiction setting to develop characters to his liking after his editor suggested doing a historical series.

The manga has been licensed by Viz Media in North America. In addition to publishing the individual volumes of the series, Viz serialized its first chapters in their Shonen Jump manga anthology. It debuted in the January 2007 issue, and was serialized at a rate of one chapter a month. An original video animation (OVA) of Gin Tama by Sunrise was featured at Jump Festa 2006 Anime Tour in 2005. This was followed by a full anime series which debuted on April 4, 2006 in TV Tokyo and is ongoing as of 2010. An animated film is slated to premier in Japan in April 2010. The website Crunchyroll is streaming the series on its site, while Sentai Filmworks licensed the series, with distribution from Section23 Films on DVDs. Besides the anime series, there have been various light novels and video games based on Gin Tama.

In Japan, the Gin Tama manga has been popular, commonly ranking within the Top Ten of best seller series. The anime and its DVDs have also been featured, at various time, in Top Ten of their respective media, while TV Tokyo has announced that the Gin Tama anime was responsible for high sales overseas along with the anime adaptation from Naruto. Publications for manga, anime and others have commented on the Gin Tama manga. Positive response have focused on the comedy and characters from the series, while negative responses concern the manga's artwork.

Contents

Plot

The story of Gin Tama takes place in Edo (known today as Tokyo because of its name change in 1868), Japan, which was conquered by aliens called Amanto in the late Edo period. The samurai of Japan fought the aliens, but after their defeat the Amanto placed a ban on carrying swords in public. The plot is focused on an eccentric samurai, Gintoki Sakata who helps a teenager named Shinpachi Shimura save his sister Tae from a group of aliens who want to make her part of a brothel. Impressed with Gintoki, Shinpachi becomes his apprentice and works with him as a freelancer in order to pay the monthly rent where Gintoki lives, as well as to know more about him. The two of them rescue a teenage alien girl named Kagura from a group of Yakuza who wanted to use her superhuman strength to kill people. Kagura joins Shinpachi and Gintoki to work as freelancers and the three become known as "Odd Jobs Gin". While doing their job they encounter the police force Shinsengumi several times, who normally ally with Odd Jobs Gin in their work since they commonly involve dangerous criminals. They also come to meet Gintoki's former comrades during the Amanto's invasion, including the terrorist Kotaro Katsura who maintains a friendly relationship with them despite his ambitions to destroy the bakufu. On the other hand, Shinsuke Takasugi acts as a major antagonist throughout the series, as he wants to destroy the bakufu in a more violent way than does Katsura.

Although the series' story is commonly episodic, there are also a few story arcs which are developed through several chapters.[1]

Themes and style

Hideaki Sorachi's main focus in Gin Tama is the use of gags; during the manga's second year of serialization he started to add more drama to the story while still keeping the comedy.[2] Various jokes from the manga are comments regarding clichés from other shōnen series. For example, in the first chapter after Gintoki fights a group of aliens to protect Shinpachi and Tae, Shinpachi complains that he only fought for "one page" and Gintoki replies, "Shut up! One page is a long time for a manga artist!" Gintoki's exaggerated desire to read the Weekly Shōnen Jump (which causes him to fight other readers in order to get it) also makes fun of shōnen, since during those parts characters quote them.[3][4] Other types of comic situations are more general, so that the reader must know about Japanese culture to understand them.[5] The humour is described by publications as being "bizarre" and "weird". It is also described as being divided between two categories: "sci-fi comedy" and a "samurai comedy" with the former referring to the aliens.[6] It tends to point out "an irritating foible about modern society" including celebrations days or famous mythical figures.[1] Additionally, there are references to several historical figures with a few characters from the story being based on them.[7] Besides the series' comedy, the aliens' invasion in Japan bring several social issues between them and the humans with the most recurring one being the lack of social equality.[8]

Production

In 2003, Hideaki Sorachi was an up-and-coming mangaka who had already created two one-shots for the Weekly Shōnen Jump magazine.[9] Although he was preparing to write his first serialized series, his editor suggested he create a manga series based on the Shinsengumi, mostly inspired by an upcoming TV-drama about the 1860s troupe as depicted by idol actors. Sorachi attempted to create this series since he admitted to liking the Shinsengumi, but ultimately failed to get anything off the ground. Instead of abandoning the idea completely, he remained focused on the historical Japanese era but began to create his own story, adding in elements of science fiction and fictionalizing many of the figures from the era to create a story more to his own liking.[10] The original title of the series was meant to be "Yorozuya Gin-san" (万事屋銀さん?, lit. "General Merchant Gin-san"), but it did not have any impact on Sorachi. After great debate, he decided to go with the name Gin Tama after discussing it with his family, deciding on a name that sounded close to the edge without being completely off it.[11] Although Sorachi considered the one-shot "Samuraider" to be very poor, the setting of such one-shot served as the base for Gin Tama such as the addition of alien characters.[12] Sorachi had little hope on the manga's popularity, as he noted that people used to tell him the manga would not surpass the number of two tankōbon volumes. However, once the third volume was released, Sorachi found that he did not have "any fresh material to use".[13]

The main character of the series was originally meant to be Toshiro Hijikata as Sorachi was a fan of the Shinsengumi, most notably from Hijikata Toshizō (the Shinsengumi who was the base for the one of Gin Tama), after he saw the film Burn! Sword!. When Sorachi could not "shake off" Hijikata's initial design, he decided not to use him as the lead character, but added him along with the Shinsengumi to the story.[11] The pilot chapter from the series had a different plot to the one from the serialization: Shinpachi already met Gintoki in the story and there were more Shinsengumi to the story such as one based on Harada Sanosuke. As all these new Shinsengumi were older than most of the recurring characters from the series, Sorachi removed them thinking they were not entertaining.[14] When asked by a fan, Sorachi mentioned that most characters from the series are based on real-life Edo citizens while Gintoki's character is roughly based on the folk hero Sakata Kintoki.[7]

During the first year of the series, Sorachi believed that the source of the popularity of Gin Tama was partially connected to the Shinsengumi drama. While the drama ran during the first year of the series, when the manga was mostly shorter stories that established the characters and the world, he felt uncomfortable of making things related to the drama. By the second year and beyond, he became more daring in his stories and concepts, creating longer storylines that included more drama while keeping his sense of humor and satirization of modern Japan by way of his fictionalized past.[2] When working in the chapters Sorachi commonly has problems to finish the manuscript, leaving his supervisor to take it before he could revise it. He figures on what to write by staying in his room or by going for a walk.[15] Although he commented that some of his ideas are "random", he focuses on the fact that they are related to the manga. However, when he has problems to figure out what ideas, Sorachi is normally helped by his editor.[16] When writing lines in the series, Sorachi commonly uses a felt-tip pen, a fountain pen, a brush-tip pen and a multiliner. For the major lines of characters he only uses a felt-tip pen and a fountain pen, while for the outlines a multiliner-0.8.[17]

Media

Manga

The manga chapters of Gin Tama are written and illustrated by Hideaki Sorachi. They have been serialized for the manga anthology book Weekly Shōnen Jump from Shueisha since December 8, 2003.[18] Over two-hundred chapters identified as a "Lesson" have been serialized. Shueisha is also publishing the first chapters of Gin Tama online on their Weekly Shōnen Jump official website.[19] Viz Media licensed Gin Tama for publication in North America. A 55-page preview from the series was first featured in the January 2006 Shonen Jump issue.[20] Viz acquired the license to publish chapters from the series in the Shonen Jump during the San Diego Comic-Con International from 2006.[21] The chapters were serialized in Shonen Jump from January to May 2007 at a rate of one chapter a month.[22][23]

Shueisha has been collecting the chapters in tankōbon volumes with the first being published on April 2, 2004.[24] As of January 4, 2010 (2010 -01-04), thirty-two volumes have been released in Japan.[25] In North America tankōbon are published under Viz's "Shonen Jump Advanced" imprint.[26] The first volume was published on July 3, 2007, while currently, fifteen volumes have been released.[27][28]

Original video animations

Two original video animations (OVA) of Gin Tama were developed by Sunrise for the Jump Festa Anime Tour so far. The first one, having the same title and being shown in Jump Festa 2005, is composed of various autoconclusive stories meant to introduce the characters from the series.[29] The second OVA named Shiroyasha Kotan (白夜叉降誕?, lit. "White Demon's Birth"), was shown in Jump Festa 2008. It is initially set in the war between aliens and samurais and it is later revealed to be a trailer for a film that was cancelled.[30] On September 30, 2009, a DVD named Gintama Jump Anime Tour 2008 & 2005 was published by Aniplex. It contains the 2005 and 2008 OVAs and an audio commentary.[30]

TV anime

An anime adaptation by Sunrise debuted on TV Tokyo on April 4, 2006. The first ninety-nine episodes were initially directed by Shinji Takamatsu. Episodes 100 to 105 were directed by Takamatsu and Yoichi Fujita, while the following episodes are being directed only by Fujita.[31] The subtitle for the Gin Tama anime could be loosely translated as "The starting point is the utmost importance for anything, so trying to outdo oneself is just about right."[32] During January 2009, Fujita mentioned he was not going to work in the fourth season of the series starting in such year. However, in February 2009, it was confirmed that the anime would continue for a fourth year, once again directed by Fujita.[33]

In Japan, Aniplex distributes the anime in DVD format. A total of thirteen volumes were released for the first season, between July 26, 2006 and June 26, 2007.[34] The second season was released over another set of thirteen volumes between July 25, 2007 and July 23, 2008.[35] Season 3 was also released in thirteen volumes from August 27, 2008 to August 26, 2009.[36] The first DVD volume from season 4 was released on October 28, 2009.[37]

In November 2008, an agreement was reached between TV Tokyo and the streaming video service Crunchyroll. Crunchyroll would stream English-subtitled episodes for free one week after they had aired in Japan. Paying subscribers can watch new episodes an hour after they air in Japan.[38] On January 8, 2009, Crunchyroll uploaded their first episode (episode 129) to the service. Alongside new episodes each week, Crunchyroll also uploads episodes from the beginning of the series.[39] The anime is licensed by Sentai Filmworks, with distribution from Section23 Films. Section23 Films' Chris Oarr commented that only the first two seasons were licensed, with an option on the rest.[40] The first collection containing thirteeen English-subtitled episodes will be released on DVD, April 27, 2010.[41][40]

Film

In October 2009, Warner Brothers registered the Internet domain name "Gintama-movie.com" although they did not confirm the making of a film.[42] In the 2009's 58th issue of Weekly Shōnen Jump, released later that month, it was confirmed the development of such film giving also the tagline "Gintama Wasshoi Matsuri!!" with "Wasshoi" being a shout commonly done in Japanese festivals.[43] It will premier on April, 24 2010. Titled Gintama: Shinyaku Benizakura-Hen (銀魂 新訳紅桜篇?, lit. "Gintama: A New Retelling Benizakura Arc"), the film's plot will be a retelling of the story arc from Gin Tama in which Kotaro Katsura is attacked by a member of the army Kiheitai, and Odd Jobs Gin start searching for him.[44][45]

CDs

The music for the Gin Tama anime is composed by Eiichi Kamagata. On September 27, 2006, Audio Highs published the first CD soundtrack for the series known as Gintama Original Soundtrack. It featured 36 tracks including the TV version from the first opening theme and the first two ending themes.[46] The second CD soundtrack, Gintama Original Soundtrack 2, was released on November 11, 2007. It included 40 tracks but it did not have TV versions of the opening and ending themes from the series.[47] The latest CD is Gintama Original Soundtrack 3 published on June 24, 2009. It features a total of 28 tracks including the theme "Dondake! Gintaman" (どんだけー! ギンタマン?) which was used as a gag in episode 100 from the series.[48] Apart from soundtracks from the TV series, on March 25, 2009, it was published Gintama The Best which is composed of a CD and a DVD. The former includes the fullversions from the first five opening themes of the series and the first nine ending themes. The latter features the videos from the musical themes from the former but without credits.[49]

Light novels

A series of light novels based on the Gin Tama manga have been authored by Tomohito Ōsaki, illustrated by Hideaki Sorachi, and published by Shueisha. They feature the series characters transposed to a school setting with Gintoki acting as their teacher. It is running in Jump Square under the title 3-Nen Z-Gumi Ginpachi-sensei (3年Z組銀八先生?, lit. "Grade 3 Class Z Ginpachi-sensei"). The first novel was published on February 3, 2006, while as of April 4, 2009, four light novels have been published by Shueisha.[50][51]

Video games

In Japan, a PlayStation 2 Gin Tama game, Gintama: Together with Gin! My Kabuki District Journal (銀魂 銀さんと一緒!ボクのかぶき町日記 Gintama Gin-san to Issho! Boku no Kabuki-chō Nikki?), was released on August 30, 2007, and a Wii game, Gintama: General Store Tube: Tsukkomi-able Cartoon (銀魂 万事屋ちゅ〜ぶ ツッコマブル動画 Gintama Yorozuya Chūbu Tsukkomaburu Dōga?), was released on October 25, 2007.[52][53] A game for the Nintendo DS called Gintama: Silver Ball Quest: Gin's Job-Change to Save the World (銀魂 銀玉くえすと 銀さんが転職したり世界を救ったり Gintama Gintama Kuesuto Gin-san ga Tenshoku-shitari Sekai o Sukuttari?) was released on December 6, 2007.[54] Other two games for the DS include Gintama Dee-Ess: Odd Jobs Grand Riot! (銀魂でぃ〜えす・万事屋大騒動! Gintama Dīesu Yorozuya Daisōdō!?) and Gintama: Gintoki vs. Hijikata!? The Huge Fight Over Silver Souls in the Kabuki District!! (銀魂 銀時vs土方!? かぶき町銀玉大争奪戦!! Gintama Gintoki vs Hijikata!? Kabuki-cho Gitama Daisōdatsusen!!?).[55][56] Also, there have been two Nintendo DS games featuring Gin Tama characters so far: the Weekly Shōnen Jump crossover Jump Superstars and its sequel, Jump Ultimate Stars.[57][58]

Guidebooks

There have been three guidebooks for Gin Tama: two for the manga and one for the anime. The first guidebook for the manga is Gintama Official Character Book - Gin Channel! (銀魂公式キャラクターブック「銀ちゃんねる!」 Gintama Official Character Book - Gin Chaneru!?) released by Shueisha on April 4, 2006. It features characters files, an interview with Hideaki Sorachi and original character stickers.[59] The second book is Gintama Official Character Book 2 - Fifth Grade (銀魂公式キャラクターブック2 「銀魂五年生」 Gintama Official Character Book 2 - Gonen-Sei?) which was published on May 5, 2009. Like the previous book, this one also has an interview with Sorachi and files for the new characters that have appeared in the series since the first guidebook's release.[60] The guidebook for the anime is named Gintama Official Animation Guide "Gayagaya Box" (オフィシャルアニメーションガイド 銀魂あにめガヤガヤ箱?). It was published on April 4, 2008 to celebrate the airing of the anime's 100th episode. This guidebook features commentaries by the Japanese voice actors and the cast from the series.[61]

Reception

With 31 volumes released as of December 2009, the Gin Tama manga has sold 29 million units in Japan.[45] In March 2007, Shueisha announced that sales of the first volume had passed one million copies.[62] Following volumes from the manga have also had good sales, having appeared various times in the Japanese comic ranking.[63][64] The 17th volume from the manga ranked as the 10th bestseller volume from Japan during 2007.[65] During 2008, the manga ranked as the 10th bestseller series with over 2.3 million copies sold.[66] It also hit number 5 in Japan in the most sold manga in the first half of 2009 list, selling over 2.7 million volumes through out November 17, 2008 to May 17, 2009.[67] In 2008 Gin Tama was featured in two Oricon surveys; it ranked at the top as "funniest manga" and 5th in "most interesting manga".[68][69] In another survey from 2009, it was listed as the sixth choice for what manga could adapted into a live-action film.[70] In a poll from Zassosha's Puff Japanese manga magazine, Gin Tama was second in the category "Best Long Stories".[71] Fuji News Network has cited Gin Tama as one of the responsibles for the wooden swords' popularity during 2008 as Hokkaido's retailers have experienced brisk sales in wooden swords to foreigners.[72] In North America, Gin Tama has ranked as the best new shonen manga from 2007 in About.com's 2007 Readers Poll: Best New Shonen Manga.[73] In the Society for the Promotion of Japanese Animation Award from 2008, Gin Tama was nominated for the category "Best Manga - Comedy", losing to Negima! Magister Negi Magi.[74][75] English sales from the manga volumes have also been good with some of them having appeared in Diamond Comic Distributors's Top 300 Graphic Novels.[76][77]

The first Gin Tama light novel became the top selling novel from Japan during 2006.[78] The same achievement was made by the third novel during 2008.[79] The anime adaptation has also been featured several times in the Japanese TV ranking,[80][81] with the first two episodes having a rating of 5.6.[82] DVD sales of the series have also been featured in the Japanse anime DVD ranking various times,[83][84] while the third DVD of season 3 ranked ninth in the Japanese Amazon.com Top Ten of best sellers DVDs during 2008.[85] In August 2008, TV Tokyo announced that Gin Tama and Naruto "contributed to robust sales of overseas rights in the last fiscal year which ended in March."[86] In a poll from Puff, Gin Tama won in the category "Best Animation".[71] The DVD from the Gin Tama OVAs became the top-selling OVA in Japan during 2009, having sold 61,226 units after two weeks of being released.[87] In the Oricon survey "2009's Top-Selling DVDs in Japan", the same DVD ranked at the top of the category "Animation/Special Effects DVDs" with a total of 76,000 units sold.[88] The CD soundtrack Gintama The Best received the "Animation Album of the Year award" from the Kinema Junpo's DVD Navigator Japanese magazine.[89]

Critical response to the Gin Tama manga has generally been positive. Carlo Santos from Anime News Network found the manga to be a "one-of-a-kind comedy" praising the characters' personalities and gags. On the other hand, the artwork was criticized for being "hard to follow" when there are fast scenes.[5] Jokes regarding clichés from other shōnen series were also positively received by About.com writer Deb Aoki, who, like Santos, found the artwork to be "the only thing that distracts from the otherwise considerable pleasures of this loveable, goofy manga".[3] However, characters' designs were praised for its variations including the ones from the aliens appearing in the series by Katherine Dacey from Pop Culture Shock who remarked that "These characters add visual interest and life to every panel, keeping the reader invested when the stories stall."[90] Other negative comments regarding the manga have the few number of aliens appearing in the series as well as how some chapters are focused in fights such as Hijikata's fight against Gintoki. Michael Aronson from Manga Life concluded his review of the manga by saying that "The potential is there, but the execution is struggling" as still he liked the comedy from the story.[91] Comics Village's Alex Hoffman mentioned that Gin Tama "can't truly be compared to those comics because of one thing: the jokes." He found the context from the series hilarious and like how there are new jokes in every chapter. Like other reviewers, Hoffman also disliked Sorachi's artwork, but still found the manga to be "a great comedy, or a great read."[92] Comic Book Bin writer Leroy Douresseaux found that the large number of characters with different appearances in the series allow the reader to remain entertained with the series as "at least every few pages or so present some unusual and interesting visual."[93]

References

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  2. ^ a b Sorachi, Hideaki (2008). Gin Tama, Vol. 6. Viz Media. p. 26. ISBN 978-1-4215-1619-6. 
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  31. ^ "Yoichi Fujita to Stop Directing Gintama This Spring". Anime News Network. January 1, 2009. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2009-01-11/yoichi-fujita-to-stop-directing-gintama-this-spring. Retrieved July 11, 2009. 
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  33. ^ "Gintama Anime to Continue for Fourth Year (Updated)". Anime News Network. February 19, 2009. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2009-02-19/gintama-anime-to-continue-for-fourth-year. Retrieved March 31, 2009. 
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External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010
(Redirected to Gintama article)

From Wikiquote

Gintama is a comedic anime series created by Hideaki Sorachi.

Contents

Episode 1: "You guys!! Do you even have a silver soul?" (Pilot)

[A group of samurai have surrounded Gintoki with their swords drawn]
Samurai: Now, fair and square.
Gintoki: Heh. Fair? [puts hand on his sword] Don’t make me laugh. [runs away]
Samurai: Bah! He’s running! He turned tail and ran! After him!
Gintoki: [while running] In this modern age, sword fighting isn’t the thing to do, you know. [climbs over the wall] Sorry, but there’s something I want to watch on TV at four.

Shinpachi: Gin-san! S-save me!
Gintoki: Oi, oi, why are you letting them chase you, idiot?
Shinpachi: I’m not letting them chase me!

Samurai: We finally cornered you!
Gintoki: What are you talking about? We LET you corner us.
Kagura: Be thankful!
Samurai: What the hell? Are you being a sore loser? Do you think we’re idiots? You led us all around town.

[The “Bad Guys” are meeting and discussing their fiendish plan]
Kariya: Yo!
Shikei/Buu: Yo!
Kariya: I can’t hear you. One more time. Yo!
Shikei/Buu: Yo!
Kariya: You’re still not loud enough. Wanna do it again?
Ronin: No, we haven’t much time.
Kariya: I see.
Kariya: How is that matter proceeding?
Buu: Yes, it’s going very well. Please take a look at this proposal. [hands him a thick stack of paper]
Kariya: [reading] “The first party, henceforth referred to as ‘the planners,’ shall hereby requisition”…I don’t know what the hell this means! Is this some kind of legal bullshit?

[While Hijikata’s back is turned, Okita aims a bazooka at him]
Okita: Goodbye, vice captain. Why don’t you suck on some mayonnaise in the afterlife? [he shoots, blowing up the whole wall]
Hijikata: [straightening up from being bent down] Oi Sougo, just what do you think you’re doing? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
Okita: Oh, no. It was just a joke. A joke! I’m always doing it, aren’t I?
Hijikata: You’re always trying to kill me?

[Shinpachi has come out of the kitchen]
Shinpachi: Gin-san, this isn’t looking good.
Gintoki: Yeah, I know. It’s not good to be reading Jump at my age.
Kagura: That’s true, the onigiri you roll taste terrible.
Shinpachi: I don’t mean either of those! I’m talking about this!
Gintoki: Our checkbook?
Kagura: Ha! Don’t make fun of me. You can’t eat a thing like that!

Gintoki: What are you, some tantrum throwing brat who forgot to buy his Jump? Having no money is like having a sinus infection. You just have to ignore it and not pick at it, and it’ll go away.

Gintoki: That’s….
Kagura: a sinus infection?
Shinpachi: It’s an earthquake, dummy!

Gintoki: The earth’s rowdier than a group of five high school guys living under the same roof.
Kagura: That’s just not normal is it?
Gintoki: Well, it happens in Jump.

[Someone rings the doorbell, Shinpachi opens the door]
Shinpachi: Right, right, I'm coming. We already have a newspaper...
Client: I heard this is the place that will do anything you ask.
Shinpachi: [lightning flashes in the background] BA!!
Kagura: Shinpachi, what are you doing? If you don't hurry, my show's gonna start.
Client: I heard that you were the Yorozuya.
Kagura: [lightning flashes in background] KA!!
Gintoki: Jesus, man, is he really being so forceful? If he's not backing off, just say you'll kick his ass and-
Client: This is the Yorozuya, isn't it?
Gintoki: [lightning flashes in background] NA!!
[Even more lightning flashes in the background]
Shinpachi: BA!
Kagura: KA!
Gintoki: NA!

Ayame: I see. So the money wasn’t a dowry for us, Gin-san.
Gintoki: Why would I love you? You can’t even have a lover in your profession.
Ayame: Cold as usual, I see. But I won’t give up even after such a warning.
Gintoki: Hey, what’s that natto for, anyway? If you intend to seduce me with it, you’re way off base, you know.
Ayame: Do you think that pushing me away is going to make me happy?
Gintoki: Just do something about it, Natto woman!
Ayame: [falls to the ground, spilling the natto on Gintoki’s head] That’s right. That’s what I want. It’s my passion. It’s what turns me on!
Shinpachi: What’s with this? It stinks.
Kagura: The natto smell turns her on?

[After the client asks Shinpachi, Kagura and Ayame to get him stronger]
Gintoki: Well, whatever. At any rate, raise his hit points another hundred or so.

[At the Shinsengumi headquarters]
Kondo: Oh, so this is the blueprint.
Narrator: Kondo Isao. He’s the terrifying captain of the Shinsengumi.
Kondo: By the way, Hijikata, I don’t understand a bit of it.
Hijikata: I’ve been talking for ten minutes about how it’s a blueprint for an Amanto machine, Kondo-san.
Kondo: Oh yes, that’s right. Some kind of machine, is it?
Hijikata: So there’s someone here in Edo who wants to use that device to power some evil machination.
Kondo: [gasps] But wait…[dramatic pause] What’s an evil machination?

[Katsura sees Gintoki]
Katsura: Gintoki.
Gintoki: Zura!
Katsura: It’s not Zura. It’s Katsura.
Katsura: What are you doing here?
Gintoki: Well, I suppose I’m doing something odd, like jogging or taking a walk or something like that.
Katsura: That’s fine then.
Gintoki: See you, Zura.
Katsura: It’s not Zura. It’s Katsura.

[Gintoki meets a samurai wearing a hat that covers his eyes]
Gintoki: Why are you hiding your eyes like that? Have you been up all night playing tetris?

[The client is undergoing strength training from Ayame]
Ayame: You have quite a bit of potential.
'[Shinpachi is tied up, hanging from a tree, and the rope is held by the client]
Shinpachi: What kind of training is this? What kind of potential does he have?
Ayame: He could be an S&M queen.
Shinpachi: He’s a guy, isn’t he? Anyway, there are more pressing issues at hand!
Kagura: Oh, you’re taking it pretty well. I’ll have to reward you later.
Shinpachi: Just untie me!

[After avoiding being cut by a sword, Gintoki’s kimono is cut.]
Gintoki: You ruined my best suit! My mom’s gonna have my ass!

Episode 2: "You guys!! Do you even have a silver soul?" (Pilot)

[Talking about Gintoki]
Kagura: It’s the same as always. He doesn’t pursue those who leave, and ignores those who come.

[Talking about Gintoki’s trustworthiness]
Kondo: I’ve told you before, he’s not one to trust, Otae-san. No trustworthy man has eyes that look like a dead fish’s eyes.

[Gintoki meets a client at a restaurant]
Gintoki: Want some?
Client: What’s that?
Gintoki: It’s red beans over rice. A Gintoki-don.
Client: T-that’s alright.
Gintoki: Did I really drink so much? My head’s spinning, and everything’s so blurry.
Client: No, it’s an earthquake, isn’t it?
Gintoki: I can’t hold it!
Client: I think I’m going to throw up too. [vomits right behind Gintoki]
Gintoki: Don’t do it there. Go down there a little bit.

[Kagura, Gintoki, Shinpachi and the client enter the villain’s lair]
Kagura: How are we going to sneak in?
Gintoki: We’re not going to sneak in, we’re gonna bust in. To bust in means to go in from the front, guns blazing.
Shinpachi: Gin-san!
Gintoki: Sorry, Excuse me! [kicks the gate in]
Kagura: Bunta! Are you trying to be like Bunta?!

[The party enters, and finds a banquet table]
Shinpachi: [putting his hand near a food dish] It’s still warm. There were people here a minute ago.
Gintoki: That’s true it’s nice and warm. [Camera pans to Gintoki and Kagura eating the food]
Kagura: Is this meat really meat? It’s so tender!
Shinpachi: Oi, why are you eating?
Gintoki: Well, it’s not good to waste food, is it?
Kagura: And there’ll be fewer leftovers!

[A cage comes down over the table and the party is trapped. Gintoki addresses the villains]
Gintoki: But hey, you guys, aren’t you ashamed of yourselves for laying such a stupid trap?
Kariya: Aren’t you ashamed for being caught in it?
Kagura: I’m ok with it since I can eat such great chow!
Shinpachi: Elizabeth-san! Why are you here?
Gintoki: So then Zura’s here too.
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Katsura.

[Katsura gives Gintoki the blueprints]
Gintoki: Ah, no good. I’m bad with technical things.
Katsura: What do you think after reading that, Gintoki?
Gintoki: I really have no idea.
Katsura: Then I’ll tell you. They intend to destroy Edo!
Gintoki/Shinpachi: Eh??
Katsura: They’re going to enjoy Edo?
Shinpachi: Destroy it, you dummy!
Katsura: They’ll use it [a giant earthquake] to destroy Edo!
Client: Oh no!
Gintoki: That’s like what an evil organization in some anime would do.
Katsura: Hey Gintoki! Where are you going? It’ll be dangerous if you guys go alone!
Gintoki: Still, we have to go! See you, Zura!
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Katsura!
Client: [riding on Sadaharu with Kagura] Um, if I may?
Gintoki: [riding on his motor scooter] What? If you’ve got something to say, say it now!
Shinpachi: [riding behind Gintoki] That’s right! Time is of the essence!
Client: Then I’ll say it. We missed our turn.

[The villains have explained that the Shinsengumi fighting them would be going against territorial law]
Hijikata: Territorial law, huh?
Kondo: Dammit! [looks at Hijikata] But…what’s territorial law?
Buu: If you really want to get into the house, then come back with the proper paperwork.
Kariya: Wahahaha!
Kondo: [to Okita] Hey, what are you doing?
Okita: [aiming for the house with his bazooka] Well, if this house no longer exists, we can go inside, right?
Hijikata: Who are you? Ikkyuu-san?

[crashing through the gate on his motor scooter]
Gintoki: Thanks for the support! Here come the real heros!

[the guy Gintoki taunted about playing tetris steps in front of Gintoki]
Guy: Wait! I’ve wanted to settle our score!
Gintoki: Don’t go thinking you’re my rival, you circus freak!

[Gintoki addresses Katoken, the client]
Gintoki: Don’t run away! You yourself have to change first, or nothing will change for you!
Client: Change?
Gintoki: You can’t just run away, especially from the things you want to forget!

[Kondo addresses the battered villains]
Kondo: Hey, if you take a step over that line, your territorial law won’t mean shit!
Katsura: [comes running up, panting] Well done, Gintoki.
Elizabeth`s sign: Buy a freakin’ car.

[Gintoki is reading Jump on the couch]
Gintoki: Ah, I wish I could have a bankai like that.

[after the credits and previews]
Ayame: [stirring natto] Oh, I forgot to come in for the second half.

Episode 3: "Nobody With Naturally Wavy Hair Can Be That Bad."

[To Gintoki]
Amanto: Who the hell are you, daring to defy the sword prohibition?
Gintoki: Blah, blah, blah, blah… quit your blabbering. Look at this. [holds up an empty glass] Thanks to you assholes, my chocolate parfait [hits one of the amanto with his bokuto] fell to the ground!
Amanto: What are you doing? Do you know who we are?
Gintoki: You know, my doctor said that I eat too many sweets, so I can only have one of those a week! [he kills the remaining two amanto]
Gintoki: This is no good. I need my fix, man.
Shinpachi: Hey, hey! How dare you make me your scapegoat, you bastard! My life is ruined because of you!
Gintoki: What a nice boy you are. Have you come to return my wooden sword? That’s all right. It was just a souvenir I bought on a school trip.
Shinpachi: Shut up! I ran from the police!

[Otae starts beating up Shinpachi because he isn’t working]
Shinpachi: Stop! It’s that guy’s fault that this is…Ah! Wait you!
Gintoki: [riding away on his motor scooter] Sorry, but I’m gonna watch a TV drama rerun at 4.

[To Shinpachi]
Gintoki: Was your sister raised by gorillas?

Otae: Does a child need a reason to protect something his parents loved?

[The money lender has come for Shinpachi and Otae’s Father’s debt]
Amanto: Just give me my money, and quick! I’ve got to get it quick so I can watch my TV drama!

[The money lender is about to hit Otae]
Gintoki: Leave it at that. Even though she was raised by gorillas, she’s still a woman.

Shinpachi: Damn that sister of mine! She’s always talking about our father, but what did that baldy ever do for us?! He just played Othello with us from time to time!
Gintoki: Your Dad was bald?
Shinpachi: Well, only in the sense of his personality. Hey you’re still here? [Gintoki is frosting a cake] What the hell are you doing, cooking at a time like this?!
Gintoki: Well, I can’t go long without sweets, you see.
Shinpachi: Then make something simpler!

[Shinpachi is talking about the difference between him and his father]
Shinpachi: I want to live more elegantly.
Gintoki: That’s nice, but I just can’t see you being elegant.

Gintoki: A samurai doesn’t need a reason to do what’s right. If you want to protect her, you must draw your sword.

[Gintoki and Shinpachi are riding on the motor scooter to save Otae]
Shinpachi: She’s going to launch soon. Can’t this thing go any faster?
Gintoki: Well you see, safety first. And it would hurt to fall.
Shinpachi: Is this the time for that?? My sister’s going to be in high-leg shabu-shabu hell!
Police: [in patrol car behind them] Hey you with no helmet: stop right there!
Gintoki: What are you talking about? Do I really need a helmet in this day and age?
Police: [coming up beside Gintoki] Ok, but it’ll really hurt if you fall, you see. I’m worried about you.
Gintoki: It’s all right. I’ve got a hard head.
Police: What’s that? That kind of attitude when I’m tryin’ to help you?! I’ll really hurt! A lot!
Gintoki: Shut up, I’m telling you, I have a hard head! [rams into the police car and head buts the policeman]
Police: Ah, I’ve got a nosebleed!

Otae: I’m Otae. Please do as you wish with me.
Amanto: That’s not it! You have to give us more cleavage, dammit!
Otae: [grabs the Amanto by the mouth] I’ve never had cleavage.
Amanto: Oh sorry. You couldn’t do it if you wanted, huh?

[A police car crashes into the brothel ship]
Amanto: Did the police find out about us?
Gintoki: Don’t worry; this is just a rental car!
Gintoki: I’ll take care of them, so you guys find a lifeboat and get out of here.
Shinpachi: What about you?
Gintoki: You just think about protecting your sister. I’ll protect who I want to protect.
Gintoki: Shinji, Go!
Shinpachi: It’s Shinpachi, dammit!

[moments after Gintoki tells them to flee]
Otae: You really did come back!
Gintoki: It was tough. It was tougher than I thought it would be.
Shinpachi: Please try harder…you didn’t even last a minute!
Gintoki: Idiot, even one minute would’ve been too much!

Amanto: There’s nothing you can protect. The country and these skies belong to us, the Amanto.
Gintoki: The country? The skies? You can have them. I’m busy just protecting what’s right in front of me. I don’t know what’ll happen to me in the future, but if something has fallen at my feet, then the least I can do is pick it up.

Gintoki: What’s important to that boy is important to me, and to protect it…I’ll do anything. [cracks the engine of the ship with his sword]

[the ship plummets down to the ocean]
Gintoki: What is this weightlessness? I feel sick.
Shinpachi: We’re falling aren’t we? We’re falling!

[talking to the policeman whose car Gintoki carjacked]
Gintoki: What? I helped arrest the villains who threatened to violate the purity of our fair city! That should cancel out something like borrowing a police car!
Police: What the hell do you mean? The car was smashed to pieces!
Gintoki: It was already a piece of trash when I took it.
Police: Was not!
Gintoki: Try looking at it!

[talking about Gintoki]
Shinpachi: I wonder what lies in this man’s soul. I can’t really tell at all, but…though it’s dim, I can see a light shining through. I think I’ll stay with him and look at that light a bit longer.

Episode 4: "Jump sometimes comes out on Saturday so be careful."

Otose: Hey Gintoki! Enough with the excuses! Just hurry up and pay the damned rent!
Gintoki: I fixed your VCR the other day, didn’t I? That should make us even.
Otose: No way. This is a full month’s rent we’re talking about. Not only that, the VCR broke again and didn’t record my show!
Gintoki: Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll show it again if it gets popular.
Otose: I don’t care about that! Just give me my money, you permanent perm!
Gintoki: Shut it! Do you know the pain of having a permanent perm?!
Otose: Then just kill yourself!

Gintoki: Oh crap! Today is Jump release day! I forgot it comes out on Saturday this week! We have to go back!
Shinpachi: Who cares? We’ve already got everything we need for sukiyaki.
Ginoki: Well, this may be a good opportunity to kick the Jump habit. What am I doing, reading Jump at my age? Well, a man remains a boy until his death…
Shinpachi: Sorry, but could you keep the embarrassing proclamations to yourself?

[after hitting Kagura with his motor scooter, Gintoki looks inside a vending machine slot]
Gintoki: D-don’t worry. A-all we have to do is find a t-t-time machine.
Shinpachi: You’re the one who has to calm down!
Gintoki: It’s okay. I went to a fortune teller earlier, and she said my luck would be good on the weekend. I’m sure she’s miraculously unhurt. H-hey…[He turns Kagura over, and a pool of blood forms on the road.] [cut to Gintoki riding with Shinpachi and Kagura on the motor scooter] Ah! We have to leave this town forever! Then again, the weather girl’s pretty cute.

Kagura: Are you stupid? I won’t die from a little scooter accident. This injury is from being shot. Look, it’s already healed.
Gintoki: Do you eat Bondo for breakfast?

Gintoki: Shinpachi, you’ve suddenly got a lot heavier.
Kagura: I’ve never seen a grown man abandon a girl being chased by the yakuza.
Gintoki: Well, I’m a boy at heart. And besides, in this country, we don’t call someone who can stop a scooter with her bare hands a girl. We call her a mountain gorilla.

Shinpachi: Who the hell are they? Pedophile yakuza?
Kagura: [misunderstanding him] file peddlers?

Kagura: But lately, my work’s been escaltatered.
Shinpachi: That’s escalated, right?
Kagura: They finally asked me to take a person’s wife.
Shinpachi: You mean life, not wife, right?

Yakuza: There they are, over there!
Shinpachi: They found us too fast!
Kagura: Tsk. Useless four-eyes. I told you we should’ve taken a helicopter.
Shinpachi: Whaddya mean, a helicopter? You’re the one who said to take the main street because they wouldn’t expect it!

[Shinpachi and Kagura are on a roof, being chased by the yakuza]
Kagura: Do you finally agree we should use a helicopter?
Shinpachi: Well, we don’t have that kind of money.
Kagura: Oh, there’s one right now. Hey! Right over here! [man in helicopter starts shooting them with a machine gun]

Gintoki: Um, do you have any Jump?
Old Cashier: If you want an Akamaru Jump (red circle Jump), then yeah.
Gintoki: Akamaru Jump…

Shinpachi: Good grief, they’re persistent. How long will they chase us?
Kagura: How do you expect to help me? You can’t even get us a helicopter.
Shinpachi: That’s impossible. I couldn’t even get a remote control helicopter.
Kagura: That’s no excuse. You should’ve called us a helicopter, you useless lump.

Kagura: In the end, the idiots are just used. But I like those idiots better. I hate you though.
Shinpachi: Hey, did you just insult me without an accent?
Kagura: I don’t like men with glasses.
Shinpachi: What the hell? Your character is changing!

[Shinpachi and Kagura are suck in a trashcan, and have been pushed onto the train tracks. Shinpachi sees a train coming]
Shinpachi: This timing’s just like some manga!

Gorilla mangaka: It’s hard to use a pen, but it’s hard to use a colored pencil too! It’s really hard to write manga. But hey, it’s hard to live. I want to be a cheese bum!

[Gintoki is reading Jump, while Kagura is shaving the yazuka’s afro]
Gintoki: Well, I didn’t really come to save you. I was looking for Jump and just happened to come to the station.
Shinpachi: So our lives aren’t worth 230 yen?

Otose: We aren’t a restaurant. We just serve drinks and healthy perversions.

Otose: What’s with this girl? She’s eaten fifteen bowls!
Shinpachi: Fifteen, eh? She’s still got a long way to go.
Gintoki: We’ve got nothing left at home but salt and sugar.

Episode 5: "Make Friends Who You Can Call By Nicknames Even When You're Old Men."

Gintoki: Listen up! My huge stash of chocolate that I’ve been hoarding has recently disappeared. Whoever ate it, raise your hand. If you fess up now, I’ll only ¾ of the way kill you.
Shinpachi: 3 quarters is almost fully dead. And you should really stop this, or you’re going to get diabetes.

Gintoki: You’re the scary one, bleeding from the nose with such a contented look. Was my chocolate tasty?
Kagura: You don’t get a nosebleed from eating chocolate.
Gintoki: Don’t dodge the question! I can smell it on your breath!
Kagura: Don’t be ridiculous. I just picked a little too hard.
Gintoki: And why would a girl your age pick hard enough to get a nosebleed?!
Shinpachi: I don’t get your reasoning! Hey, calm down!

Otose: Hey, what the hell are you doing, crashing into my store?! You’d better be prepared to die!
Delivery man: I’m sorry; I didn’t get enough sleep last night.
Otose: Then I’ll let you sleep for all eternity!

Shinpachi: Kagura-chan, call for an ambulance.
Kagura: Ambulance! Ambulance!
Gintoki: He didn’t mean it literally.

Dog Amanto: What the hell are you doing here? You wanna get your asses kicked, woof?
Shinpachi: No, we were just asked to deliver something.
Gintoki: Hey Kagura, we’d better give…
Kagura: [crouching down] Come here, doggy, I’ll give you a treat!
Gintoki: What the hell are you doing?!

Gintoki: It might be dog food. Take it.

Gintoki: [being held by the arm] What the hell are you doing, Shinpachi?! Let go!
Shinpachi: [being held by the arm by the amanto] No way, I’m not going to be taken in by myself!
Gintoki: Aren’t you supposed to say something like, ‘Don’t worry about me, just go’?!
Kagura: [being held by the arm by Gintoki] Don’t worry about me, just go to hell!
Gintoki: I’m taking you with me!

Katsura: Get out of here, Gintoki.
Gintoki: Zura? Zura Kotarou?
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Katsura! [punches Gintoki]
Gintoki: Hey, why are you upper cutting me after all this time?
Katsura: I’ve told you so many times to quit calling me by that nickname.

Hijikata: Hey, wake up, Okita! How could you sleep through that blast there?
Okita: You mean that we failed again to prevent a bombing? What are you doing, Hijikata-san? You should take this job more seriously.
Hijikata: Shall I put you to sleep, ingrate?

[after seeing herself in a photo as a suspect in the bombing on TV]
Kagura: I’m on TV! I gotta call my folks!

[Yamazaki is wearing a Prince of Tennis outfit for spying complete with a racket and bag, and is looking through binoculars]
Yamazaki: No doubt about it. I’ve found them.
Yuu: Mommy, is that a peeping tom?
Mom: Yuu-chan, don’t look at him.
Yuu: Should we tell the police?

Katsura: Gintoki, will you take up your sword once again to cleanse this rotting nation? Lend me the strength of the fearsome white demon once again. [flashback to when they were fighting together] Is this it? Rather than falling into enemy hands, we should kill ourselves and die as warriors.
Gintoki: Don’t be stupid. Stand up. If you have time to think of a beautiful end, then why not live beautifully until the last? Let’s do it, Zura.
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Katsura!

Katsura: I’ve never understood what goes on in your head.
Gintoki: I love the thrill of a real fight. That’s why I hate this trickery you’re pulling. Our fight is over. And yet you come, time and time again, pestering me about it. What are you, my mother-in-law?
Katsura: Are you some kind of idiot? Mothers always pester their sons. You just don’t have anyone that does it with you on a daily basis.
Gintoki: Hey you, if I didn’t have naturally wavy hair like this, I’d kick your ass.
Katsura: You’re always blaming your hair for your cowardice. How pitiful.
Gintoki: You’re the pitiful one. You try to trick a guy into fighting with you.
Shinpachi: What the hell are you talking about?!

Katsura: We could drive them off the entire earth if we had your strength, Gintoki!
Gintoki: Good lord, what the hell are you on?

[being chased by the Shinsengumi]
Katsura: What’ll we do, boss?
Gintoki: Who are you calling ‘boss’?! You’re the worst of them all!
Kagura: Zura, if the boss won’t do it, leave it to me! Be they bad guys or bystanders, I’ll take them out on your orders!
Gintoki: Shut up you! What’s with that TV drama attitude?!

Hijikata: Hey, there’s no reason to run. This is your first fight in a while. Enjoy it.
Gintoki: Hey, are you really the leader here? What are you swinging at? You’re wide open.
Hijikata: Who’re you to comment on my swordplay? I’ll eat you up like the salmon you are!
Gintoki: So be it. I can fight if it comes to it.
Hijikata: Don’t give me that! [tries to hit him] You’re not bad. There aren’t many who can dodge that strike.
Gintoki: That was close. What would’ve happened if you’d hit me?
Hijikata: You idiot! I’m trying to hit you!

[Gintoki and Hijikata have locked swords]
Okita: Watch out, Hijikata. [shoots his bazooka] Are you alive, Hijikata-san?
Hijikata: You idiot, are you trying to kill me?!
Okita: Damn, missed again, huh?
Hijikata: Missed?! What the hell do you mean, ‘missed’?!

Gintoki: Katsura, just stop this. No matter how elegant you think dying is, your death won’t appease your conscience and won’t change anything.

Gintoki: Do you really intend to lose even more of your friends for something like that? I’ll pass on that. As long as I’m alive, I’ll live by my own rules. I’ll live as I see fit and protect that which I hold dear.

Kagura: Gin-chan, I was playing with this [the bomb] and pressed the switch.
Gintoki: This is a nightmare.
Katsura: It must be.

Okita: Come on out. We’ll seriously fire here. Hijikata-san, if we don’t hurry, we’re going to miss our TV drama reruns.
Hijikata: Crap. I forgot to set the VCR. We’d better hurry up here. Prepare to fire!

[Shinpachi, Kagura, and Gintoki burst out of the room]
Hijikata: What are you doing? Stop them!
Gintoki: If you’re going to stop something, stop this bomb! Don’t you have a bomb squad or something?!

[playing shiritori and hot potato with the bomb as they’re running]
Gintoki: Didn’t you say you were good with machines?
Shinpachi: N-no way! This is all your fault, Kagura-chan, so you should do something about this!
Kagura: S-someone said that naturally wavy hair could stop a bomb!
Gintoki: B-bet you could do it, Shinpachi!
Shinpachi: I-it’s too bad, but no!
Kagura: O-over and over!
Gintoki: R-ready for launch!
Shinpachi: H-hot potato!
Kagura: O-oh no! You better take it!
Gintoki: T-thanks, but you’re the bomber!
Shinpachi: R-right back at ya!
Kagura: A-adrian!
Gintoki: Hey, who the hell is Adrian?! I mean, it’s not an uncommon name, but…huh? Ah! There’re only 10 seconds left!

Hijikata: Hurry up! We’ve still got time!
Hijikata/Okita: TV drama reruns!
Okita: We just made it.
Hijikata: Ok.

[On the TV: Honobono Drama: maybe the world’s just full of bad guys. You Bastard!]

TV anchor: We interrupt this broadcast for a special report….
Hijikata/Okita: Uwaaa!!!!

[After the credits and preview]
Classmembers: Class 3-Z, Ginpachi-sensei!
Gintoki: Stand. Bow. Take your seats. Well then, open your Gintama volume 1 books. Today, I’d like to address the meaning of Gintama. Anyone know what Gintama means?
Kagura: [wearing glasses] Me! But Katsura’s hair is in the way, and I can’t see the blackboard.

Gintoki: Zura, I told you to cut your hair. Rip it out.
Katsura: Sensei, I won’t.
Gintoki: Then I’ll just cut if off.
Katsura: I’ll sue your pants off.
Gintoki: All right then, let’s continue.

Okita: Sensei? Kagura, the A student, is eating her lunch early and holding up her wiener like a trophy.
Kagura: I’m not eating early. In my country, we always ate hot dogs during class.
Gintoki: Then go home. All right then, back to work.

Hijikata: Sensei? I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in class.
Gintoki: This isn’t a cigarette. It’s just a lollipop.
Hijikata: Lollipops don’t make any smoke.
Gintoki: No, that’s just cuz it’s so lollied. [takes out the lollipop] All right, we’ll continue tomorrow. I hope you took notes. That’s all.
Shinpachi: I’m getting out of here.

Episode 6: "Keep a promise you once made, even if you die.”

Police: Did you think you’d get off if you just kept denying it? There’s no way.
Shinpachi: Shut up, you useless piece of crap! We explained it all to you idiot, so just shut the hell up and let us outta here! We’ve gotta go somewhere!!
Kagura: Violent four-eyes.
Gintoki: Come on, quit acting like that.

Shinpachi: [outside the police office] I got us off.
Gintoki: Or rather, you threatened them until they let us go.
Kagura: Well, it’s not that unusual for someone who’s normally timid to go crazy under pressure.
Gintoki: Well whatever. I’m going to take a piss over here.
Kagura: And I’m gonna take a puke.
Shinpachi: Hey, we’re on TV here! Stop it! Come on, they’ll never leave us alone if we deface their station. I’m going home. Come right back, you stupid idiots!
Gintoki: Oh come on. We can’t have a comedic anime without the straight man. All right then, I’ll have to fill in for him…hey, are you really puking?!

Police: Did you think you could get away with a hostage?
Kagura: [without much emotion] Ooooh no! He’s got me! I’m so scared!

[Gintoki is unperturbed that he is driving a patrol car for an escaped criminal, who has Kagura in the back with him]
Gintoki: Well, that went nicely. But do you really think you can get away with this though?
Criminal: Just turn here.
Gintoki: Come on, it’s more likely that you’d win the lottery than get out of this country.

[Gintoki, followed by police cars, is driving through an “Akihabara” type city]
Gintoki: Outta the way! Outta the way!
Police: Stop dumbass! Do you really think you can get away?!
Gintoki: Are you saying that I can’t get away? That just makes me want to get away even more!
Police: The suspect is headed towards the terminal. They’ve just passed the moe-moe intersection.

Criminal: We made it!
Gintoki: Oh shit!
Criminal: A stroller!
Wolf boy: Dad!
Wolf: [pushing the stroller] We wander the depths of hell, as father and son. We’re in a hurry, so we’ll take our leave.
Gintoki: That stupid wolf. Doesn’t he know cars can’t stop right away?

Otsuu: Everyone! Well, I’d like to thank you for coming to my performanceveryone!
Crowd and Kagura: Performanceveryone!
Otsuu: So, don’t mind me. Just have fun, everyonecromancer!
Crowd: Necromancer!
Otsuu: And now, for my first number, I’d like to sing ‘Your father is a chome-chome’! So listen and enjoy, would youlterior motive?
Crowd: Ulterior motive!

[Looking at the concert fans]
Gintoki: Good lord, they’re like a cult here. It feels kinda claustrophobic, and it’s smelly…

[Commercial for Otsuu’s single]
On screen: The ban on her single’s broadcast has been lifted! Tarakado Otsuu sings on ‘Adult Situations’!
Otsuu: [voiceover] Second single, ‘You’re Father’s a Chome-Chome’, on sale now! [close up] I’ll tear your heart to little bits.

Reporter: What’s the big selling point of your new single, ‘You’re Father’s a Chome-Chome’?
Otsuu: Well, I’d like everyone to think of the hidden meaning in the term ‘chome-chome.’ It’s kind of a mature theme, so I hope everyone can keep that in mind.

Gintoki: Want some gum?
Otsuu’s father: Who’d eat that kid’s stuff?
Gintoki: The best way to live life a full life is to be a child, no matter what your age.

Kagura: And so, I’ve come to report to you.
Gintoki: Hey, what happened to your accent?

Shinpachi: Kagura-chan!
Kagura: This is the fourth time I’ve rescued you this month.

Amanto: What are you doing?
Gintoki: [imitating Otsuu’s end of sentences] That’s my line..backer!
Shinpachi: Gin-san!
Amanto: [imitating Gintoki] Get out of my way..ward soul!
Gintoki: I’m gonna have to cut you to shred..ded beef buffet!
Shinpachi [imitating Gintoki] Wait a minute! I’ll be the one to protect her today..s of our lives!

Otsuu: Well everyone, a lot has happened, but I hope you’ll listen again..ophobia!
Crowd: Gynophobia!

[After the credits]
Gintoki: [voiceover] In the age of the kabuki show, the good looking man treads a fine legal line. But there are two men who still possess the fantastic hair and tight buttocks that ladies love: the mysterious beggar, Sakata Kintoki, and the number one variety show host, Ketsuago Shinpachi. Now, with a female, Chinese mafia don as their goal, they transverse the dark, stained city. The new show, Kintama, starts next week!
Shinpachi: Hey, I’m not gonna do that kind of show!

[Preview]
Gintoki: [voiceover] In the age of the kabuki show, the good looking man treads…
Shinpachi: Come on, Gin-san, do it right!
Gintoki: Oh all right, such a pain…well then, next time: ‘An owner should look after it and take responsibility for any trouble it causes’. Just leave me alone, you ass.

Episode 7: "A pet's owner should look after it and take responsibility for any trouble it causes.”

Shinpachi: [voiceover] The Land of the Samurai. It’s been a quite a while since our country has been called that. Twenty years ago, a race called the amantos…
Gintoki: [voiceover] Gosh, enough with that stupid introduction.
Kagura: [voiceover] Just stop it.
Shinpachi: But there might be people who are just coming in…
Gintoki: It’s ok. They wouldn’t get it, even with your explanation. Just let them pick it up as they go along.
Kagura: Yeah, if they want to learn it, they’ll lick it up.
Shinpachi: Why the hell would they lick it?

Otose: Hey, you brainless perm-boy, get out here and pay the goddamn rent!
Gintoki: Oh all right, I guess there’s nothing for it. Here ya go. Adios.
Otose: Hey you! What the hell? 230 yen? Aren’t you mistaking your rent for your milk money, you idiot?!
Gintoki: No! I don’t have shit for cash! You know that, you thick headed ho!
Otose: If you don’t have any money, then go scam a couple of rich old ladies, you naturally-permed swindler!
Gintoki: It’s always money, money, money, money with you! Why don’t you go swindle someone, you harlot hag?
Otose: If you wanna get your ass kicked, then just say so!
Gintoki: If you want a piece of me, I’ll take you on!
Otose: I’m serious, if you don’t pay up, I’m gonna throw your worthless ass out!

Gintoki: Shinpachi?
Shinpachi: Yes?
Gintoki: Do you have a girlfriend?
Shinpachi: What’s with this all of a sudden?
Gintoki: How would you like to date an older woman. Otose, that is.
Shinpachi: Why would I date her? Who the hell do you think I am?

Shinpachi: Rather than worrying about an alien, we should be worrying about keeping a roof over our heads.

[Gintoki kicks the door in and floors the client.]
Gintoki: Sorry, I mistook you. Let’s start over. [turns and walks into the house]
Hasegawa: Wait…[points a gun at the back of Gintoki’s head] You’re that yorozuya, aren’t you? You’re coming with us.
Gintoki: Sorry, but mommy always told me to never go with strangers.
Hasegawa: And didn’t she ever tell you to do what officers of the law ask?

[Riding in the car with Hasegawa]
Shinpachi: He’s [Hasegawa] a real big shot…
Kagura: What’s that? Big dong?
Gintoki: Yeah. He’s a huge dong.
Shinpachi: No, that’s not it exactly…but Kagura-chan, it’s not good for a girl to say that kind of thing…[whispering] What could a big shot from the Shogunate possibly want with us?
Gintoki: [loudly to Hasegawa in the front seat] So what do you want with us, my man?

[After finding out that the job is to hunt down an alien pet]
Gintoki: Come on…I swear, I’ll kick you to next week, bald patch!
Kagura: Soul patch!
Kasegawa: Fine! I’m fine with being a bald patch and a soul patch, but please!

Gintoki: If this country can fall over a lost pet, then it should fall.

Prince: Pace is like family to me!
Gintoki: Then you go look for him, stupid princeling!
Hasegawa: Shut up! He may be an idiot, but he’s still a prince!
Kagura: A strong woman would forget about past relationships and prepare herself for a new love.
Hasegawa: I didn’t get dumped, and I’m not a woman! I’m saying he’s a prince! A prince!!
Shinpachi: I see, he’s a prince because he’s an idiot.
Hasegawa: No, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.
Kagura: I see, He’s an idiot even though he’s a prince.
Gintoki: So he’s an idiotic prince.
Hasegawa: No, retard, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.
Assistant: Come on, cretins! Don’t call the idiot an idiotic prince! You’ll hurt his feelings!
Prince: You’re calling me an idiot too?

Shinpachi: Octopi in pots? Why don’t we put one of those out for a while and wait?
Gintoki: What are you, some kind of shy high schooler? Both in love and octopus hunting, you have to take the initiative!

[Looking for a pet octopus, the yorozuya find a woman who has hair like an octopus.]
Gintoki/Kagura: There she is!
Shinpachi: Close, but no cigar!
Gintoki: Well the eyes look similar, but you think we can fool him?
Kagura: It’s possible!
Shinpachi: Oh, shut up! She’s a person!
Vanessa: Hey, are you all making fun of me?
Gintoki: Not at all. From today onwards, you’re Pace [the pet’s name].
Vanessa: My name’s Vanessa.
Kagura: Fine then. Your name’s Vanessa Pace.

Gintoki: The fun’s in the journey, so let’s see it to the end, just like when a girl becomes a woman!

Gintoki: Listen up. This thing we’re chasing is as delicate as fine china. Don’t startle it!
Kagura: Yeah, it’s as delicate as a teenager’s heart. The adults don’t understand it at all…
Shinpachi: Gin-san, we searched all over just to end up in this octopus pot?
Gintoki: Octopus like to get into pots…
Kagura: You can’t usually get put into a pot until you die.
Shinpachi: That’s an urn…but hey, Gin-san, isn’t this what I suggested in the first place?
Gintoki: No, it’s way different. After all this searching, I figured we deserved a little rest.
Shinpachi: You’re just too lazy to look properly!

[In the pot]
Kagura: If this all there is to men, it’s a wonder that any woman is ever attracted to them…
Gintoki: Don’t worry, when it comes to women and octopi, they’ll eventually return to you, tails between their legs…
Kagura: Women don’t have tails.
Gintoki: Neither do octopi!
Shinpachi: What the hell are you guys on?!

[Pace gets into the pot with them]
Kagura: And who is this? Vanessa?

Gintoki: Don’t let it get away! Come on, harder! This pot isn’t like a young woman’s heart, so don’t be afraid to break it!
Kagura: If we break it, all we need is a nice man to pick up the pieces!

Gintoki: If we can’t catch it, you’ll have to go out with some rich old ladies and scam them out of their money, Shinpachi!

[They run over the octopus with the pot]
Shinpachi: Aaaaah! We squashed it!
Gintoki: [looking inside of a vending machine slot]C-c-come on, we just have to calm down and try to find a t-t-time machine.
Shinpachi: You calm down! The time machine again?!

Hasegawa: This thing’s dead! I thought I told you to bring it unharmed, not one-dimensional!
Gintoki: It’s all right. I’m sure he just wanted to see it again for closure anyway. It’s always something like that.
Kagura: It got so flattened after we squished it with a pot…what a weakling!
Hasegawa: You squashed it?!
Gintoki: It’s not dead yet. It’s undead.
Hasegawa: Who the hell wants an undead octopus?!

[After Kagura puts the squashed octopus in boiling water, it swells up monstrously]
Prince: Pace is back to his old self!
Kagura: I can eat all of that!
Gintoki: See, it is alive.
Hasegawa: We won’t be soon, though!

[Gintoki faces the monster octopus]
Gintoki: [holding up his bokuto] Oh well, there’s nothing for it. Kagura, go get some soy sauce, cuz we’re having chopped octopus tonight!
Kagura: Okay, soy sauce, right? We’re going to have a feast tonight!
Gintoki: Or would takoyaki be better? Itadakimasu!

Hasegawa: What is more important to you, one man’s life or those of an entire country?
Gintoki: I don’t want to think about it!

Gintoki: I don’t care if this country falls or not. I just want to live as long as I can by divine providence!

Hasegawa: Living by divine providence…That’s like something a little kid would say. Come to think of it, my mom always said… ‘You’re slouching. Stand up straight.’
Gintoki: [in flashback] Is it fun for you to do this?
Hasegawa: Mom, am I really doing what I should be?
Prince: Hey, listen to me! If you don’t do something about this, I’ll report it to my father…
Hasegawa: Shut the fuck up.

Gintoki: Idiot, the spirit [of a samurai] never dies, even if just a scrap of it remains on this earth.

[After the credits]
Shinpachi: Hey Gin-san, why is this manga called Gintama? I mean, you have to practically buy a special volume just to find out why it’s named this way!
Gintoki: Well see, it’s kinda formulated so high-school girls across the country can say, ‘Hey, did you see this week’s Gintama?’ So we rely on stuff like that to reach our goals. One might say that we’re systematically taking over the country, but it seems to be a horrific failure.
Shinpachi: Well I suppose that’s so, but hey, Kagura-chan, what have you been eating over there, all this time?
Kagura: [eating a dumpling as big as her] Takoyaki!

Episode 8: "The Line Between Persistence and Annoyance is Paper-thin"

[Gintoki is sleeping on the couch]
On Screen: Yo, Main character, get up, dammit! Are you gonna do this or not?! Cuz if not, we're going to start another program instead!

Hijikata: Let me introduce us...the Shinsengumi!!
Guy: Shinsengumi? What the hell do you mean, 'introduction'? Why do you have a camera crew with you?
Hijikata: What about you? Singing karaoke while plotting to overthrow the government?! Capture them all.
Narrator: [voiceover] We, as investigative reporters, will follow the Shinsengumi 24 hours a day, and bring the truth of their organization to light!
On Screen: Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!

[Talking about Kondo]
Hijikata: Right about now, he's probably either talking to some government bigwigs, or practicing his swordsmanship alone...
Kondo: [talking to Otae] I'm such a pitiful wreck. There's no way any woman would go for me. I'm just no good.

Kondo: If your boyfriend...what if he were impotent?
Otae: Then I'd love him, impotence and all!
Kondo: She's so calm. She just accepts it, like the Buddha!
Kondo: Let's do it at the altar!

Otae: He was so insistent, I got a little carried away, and gave it to him straight in the face, and he ran off.
Shinpachi: Is that so? I wanted to see what kind of a guy he was...
Kondo: [up a telephone pole] Otae-san! Otae-saaaaaaaaan! Marry Meeeeee! I won't give up after being turned down once or twice! Woman want to be loved more than they want to love!! My mom told me so!
Police: Hey! What are you doing so early in the morning? You're bothering the neighborhood! Get down here, you bastard!
Kondo: Please officer, calm down. I'm...I'm a thief, yes, but a thief...of love!

[During Shinsengumi morning sword training]
Hijikata: Come on, put some muscle into it! I'll beat the shit outta anyone who slacks off!
Shinsengumi member: That damn vice-commander...if the vice-commander were the commander, we'd be in a grave situation. [commander sounds the same as gravity/solemnity in Japanese]
Yamazaki: Come on, 10 in the morning is a little early, don't you think?
Hijikata: You maggot! Man can do anything he puts his mind to!
Yamazaki: [swinging a badminton racket] We're not putting our minds to it. We're just faking it.
Hijikata: Are you swinging that thing around again?! [kicks Yamazaki]

Okita: Speaking of Kondo-san, I haven't seen him around today either. Is he sick or something?
Hijikata: You'll be sick if you keep this up!

Shinpachi [to Otae] I'll do the cooking, so please, just do the shopping!!
Otae: Ok.
Shinpachi: Well, my sister's omelets are more like briquettes than anything else...

[Kondo is sitting in the pile of pumpkins, and holds up a sign.]
Otae: 'I love you a pile'? What the hell does that mean?

[Kondo is wearing scuba gear, and is holding a tennis racket.]
Kondo: I'm very athletic. I like tennis and suba diving, you see...
Otae: Decide on one, you damned degenerate!

[Hijikata is directing traffic]
Hijikata: [to a car] Hey you, who gave you permission to change direction? Get back here! Don't run away from me!! [draws his sword]
Okita: Well Hijikata-san. Your reach is too short. So let me take care of this one.
Hijikata: Take care of it how?! [Okita blows a hole in the street with his bazooka]
Okita: Oh, you really did it this time.
Hijikata: What do you mean, 'I did it', you invertebrate?!

[Otae and Shinpachi have just told Gintoki about Kondo]
Gintoki: [looking out at the audience] How long has it been since this episode started? It took you so long to get to me! I'm the main character! Isn't it ridiculous that I don't appear?!
Cook: [timing Kagura] 12 minutes, 5 seconds.
Gintoki: This is Gintama, right? Hey? What? Huh? Right? If it were just Tama it'd be a flop! If I'm not in it, why is it Gintama?
Shinpachi: Well, today's episode is called: 'Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!'
Gintoki: What's up with that?! I didn't hear about this!!
Shinpachi: Don't complain, Gin-san. At this rate, the Shinsengumi may actually become the main characters.
Gintoki: Seriously?!! That's right, they didn't show the Gintama opening song today! That was a close call. [smashes his face into the camera] This is Gintama! And I'm the main character!!!

[cut to the opening song]


Gintoki: It's not a good thing that you got a marriage proposal? He was wearing a sword, so he must be some kind of police officer or something. Sounds like a smart match. You should take whomever you can get, before it's too late.

[Kagura is eating a bowl of ramen bigger than she is (almost)]
Cook: All right, 30 more seconds.
Gintoki: All right, hurry it up. We're counting on you Kagura. We didn't bring any cash.

Gintoki: If you wanna hire me, you pay up front.
Shinpachi: Gin-san, I haven't been paid in 2 months, so if anyone's going to pay it's you.
Gintoki: Well, someone's gonna have to.
Shinpachi: [whispering] Come on, you've got to get going, or you'll be replaced [as a main character].
Gintoki: Come out, knave! Where are you, stalker? I'll rain judgment down upon you!

Gintoki: You're a half-wit, coming out when called a stalker! Does that mean you admit you're a stalker?
Kondo: That's right, I'm a stalker of justice, and love is my quarry!

Otae: [holding Ginoki's arm lovingly] He's my fiancé. I'm getting married to him in the fall.
Gintoki: Is that so?

Otae: We've already done this and that together, so give up on me.
Kondo: This, that, and the other thing??
Shinpachi: Well, they haven't done that other thing...

[Otae, Shinpachi, and Kagura are talking about Gintoki's duel with Kondo]
Kagura: Don't worry. If Gin-chan gets in trouble [cocks umbrella] I'll let him [Kondo] have it with my umbrella!
Shinpachi: Just don't kill him.

Narrator: Then the guardians of Edo, the Shinsengumi, arrived. Arrived! Arri...Now?! You're arriving now?!!

[Talking about the drunken man]
Okita: Hijikata-san, can I cut him?
Hijikata: Well, wait a bit. The cameras are rolling so wait until he turns violent.

[The drunk man vomits on Hijikata]
Hijikata: You! There's vomit on my pants! What're you gonna do about it?
Shinsengumi: Come on, everyone! Stop Hijikata-san!
Hijikata: You ingrates! Let me go! I'm gonna cut his fucking heart out and eat it while it's still bleeding!
Shinsengumi: Help us hold him down! The camera's rolling! Come on, don't shoot this! [one covers the camera]

[People have gathered to watch Kondo and Gintoki's duel]
Kagura: Snacks? Crackers, anyone?
Shinpachi: Anyone want some cola?

Gintoki: Idiot. I'm not going to run for small fry like you.
Kondo: Finally. You're late! Were you getting your hair dyed or something?
Gintoki: A hero never dyes his hair! I needed sugar!
Kondo: I never heard of a hero who needs a sugar rush to fight.

Gintoki: How nice...it's sunset. Duels should be fought in the evening.
Kondo: You've got a silver tongue, for a silver-headed perm boy.
Gintoki: You're pretty articulate yourself, for a gorilla.
Kondo: I'm not a gorilla! I may look like a gorilla, but I'm not!

Gintoki: I'm sorry, but I'm not the kind of guy who'd take a man's life just to settle a score. I'll risk mine instead.

Kondo: [to Gintoki] You're a good man. No, you're an honorable man. Kid, lend me your bokuto.
Gintoki: You're a good man too. Use that, my pride and joy, the Touya-ko.

Gintoki: [to Kondo] You're so naive. Soooo naive...to think that an enemy would give you his weapon. I fixed it earlier so that it'd break if you so much as swung it around.

Gintoki: It would be stupid for anyone to lose anything over a matter like this. This was the best way to settle it painlessly.
Kondo: [on the ground, beaten up] This is painless?

Gintoki: All right then. Let's go you guys...
Kagura: [strangling Gintoki from behind] I misjudged you! I thought you were an honorable samurai!
Shinpachi: [kicking Gintoki] Are you proud of yourself, you damn dirty cheat?!
Gintoki: Come on, I protected your sister. Don't be like..
Kagura: I'm going home. Don't ever show your face to me again!
Shinpachi: I'm taking a leave of absence!
Otae: Painless, eh? Well, it looks like Gin-san's the one in the most pain, in the end...
Gintoki: This is really the worst pain ever...

Narrator: Shinsengumi Vice-Commander Hijikata Toushirou. Even after his shift, he walks the city, protecting it alone. What could he be looking at now?
Hijikata: What's all the fuss here?
Guy: Well, I guess these guys here had a duel over a woman.
Hijikata: Dueling over a woman? How dumb. What kinda idiot..eh? Commander Kondo?
Cameraman: Commander Kondo? Him? That's the commander of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isao-san?
Hijikata: What the heck are you looking at, dumbasses?
Narrator: And so, through the bravery of the Shinsengumi, Edo's peace is once again protected. [pause] Really??

[After the credits and preview]
Class: Third year, class Z, Ginpachi sensei!
Gintoki: All right, take out your textbooks. Today, Shimura's recorder was stolen. The culprit may be in another class, but then it'd be hard to find, so I decided to look for it in this class. Whoever stole it, raise your hand. It's fine if it's a lie. If you admit it, I'll let you off with just playing one line of 'Give me Wings' on it.
Hijikata: Sensei! If we do that, we'll be ruined musically for the rest of our lives! Please, if you must have us play, make it be the famous fight song 'Bring it On.'
Gintoki: All right then, play the fight son 'Bring it On.'
Hasegawa: Hey, sensei, I don't get it...wait, that's not even a song.
Gintoki: All right, fine. I'll play it. Someone lend me their recorder.

Kagura: Sensei, take mine. It's broken and doesn't really play, though...[blows air into her food which looks somewhat like a recorder]
Gintoki It's your brain that's broken! Come on, I don't care whose..I just need someone's whistle. A girl's, if possible.
Student: No way! Your cigarette smell will spread.
Gintoki: I've told you, this isn't a cigarette. It's a lollipop!
Student: Lollipops don't smoke.
Gintoki: I'm telling you, it's just that it's soooooo lolilolilolied that it smokes. Come on, girls. One of you loan me your whistle. I'll lolly it up.
Girls: NO WAY!

Kondo: Cut it out, girls! Our teacher is trying his best to find out who did this! Sensei, use mine! Even if you get your spit on it, I have two!
Gintoki: [slightly menacing] Why do you have two of them...
Kondo: Wait, please. Just a minu...Ahhhh! It's so out of tuuuuune!
Shinpachi: [over Gintoki playing Kondo's recorder] Sensei, may I go to the nurse's office?

Episode 9: “You should go all out in a fight”

[Talking about Kondo and Gintoki’s duel in episode 8]
Shinsengumi member: Is it true that he challenged the other guy to a duel and lost due to an underhanded trick?
Shinsengumi member: He’s always getting dumped, but I never thought he’d lose a fight…

Hijikata: There’s no way Kondo-san lost. Who’s been spreading that ridiculous rumor?
Shinsengumi member: Captain Okita! He broadcast it over the loudspeaker.
Okita: I heard it from Hijikata-san.
Hijikata: I suppose I shouldn’t have told him…

Hijikata: Doubting your commander’s word is a crime punishable by death at my hands. Yamazaki, you’re first.
Yamazaki: But I didn’t say anything!
Hijikata: But you’re talking now, aren’t you, you sanctimonious troglodyte!

Kondo: [with a bandage on his bloated face] All right, let’s put on our ‘work hard’ helmets and protect this city!

Gintoki: Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! You’re not here to challenge me, are you? That’s not just stupid, but arrogant too. I burp at your insolence. [burps]
Kagura: If you’re gonna do it, give it your all. Burp so hard that you may never be able to burp again! [burps]
Shinpachi: I’m not so soft as to be defeated by such a pitiful enemy. This contest isn’t about burping as much as the will to burp. [burps]
Client: Quit your burping and get on with it!

[Gintoki, Kagura, and Shinpachi are staring at each other]
Shinpachi: [voiceover] Hello everyone. I’m Shimura Shinpachi. The leaves have come in since we last met, haven’t they? By the way, there’s actually a long story behind our glaring at each other like this.
Kagura: [voiceover] All right, I’m next. Well everyone, the battle to decide the fate of the universe is finally underway! I don’t know the details, but it really comes as a surprise!
Gintoki: What the heck is this? I can hear what you’re thinking! Do you hope to get sympathy by feigning insanity?
Shinpachi: [voiceover] Leave me alone. This is a part of my plan.
Kagura: [voiceover] Feigning insanity? How rude. I’m not feigning anything!

Gintoki: [voiceover] This anime is already hard enough for kids to understand. If you keep this up, we’ll lose our time slot! So Gintoki screamed in his mind…
Shinpachi: [voiceover] Screamed? Hey, don’t copy me, Gin-san.
Gintoki: [voiceover] Cretin. Do you think such tomfoolery will affect me?

[The client is introducing himself]
Zeamon: [voiceover] That man was the 63 year old virgo carpenter and kabuki circuit star: Ishida ‘Pierre’ Ginpachi Zeamon. He requested help with his carpentry…
On screen: This picture has been beautified 275% by Ishida’s sense of beauty. Does not reflect reality.
Zeamon: but his request concealed a fearsome trap! Yes! He needed one—only one—to help with his work!
On screen: We apologize, but this picture has been beautified 384% by Ishida’s sense of beauty. Does not reflect reality.

Zeamon: But then, following the man’s advice, they reached a compromise on how to settle their dispute.
On screen: Our further apologies: this footage is--cut--40,000,00,000,0012%--cut—
On screen: Enough of this already, you goddamn geezer!

[Kagura hits Gintoki, and he’s laying on the floor, unconscious]
Shinpachi: What are you doing, Kagura-chan? This is rock, paper, scissors! You don’t hit anyone!
Kagura: The first blow decides the match!
Shinpachi: But it’s rock, paper, scissors!
Gintoki: [getting up] Fine then. If you’re willing to go at it, then so am I! [draws his bokuto]
Shinpachi: I’m telling you, it’s rock, paper, scissors!!

Gintoki: Rock, paper, scissors!
[Only Shinpachi has put out rock.]
Shinpachi: [to Kagura] You’re doing shadow puppets? What the hell is that?
Kagura: Can’t you see? It’s a crab. A crab.
Gintoki: [has finger puppets] Well, this is better than last time…Your rock can’t stand up to my family here.
Shinpachi: What family is that?!
Gintoki: [moving the dad puppet] You should just admit defeat!
Shinpachi: Goddamn it, it’s rock, paper, scissors!
Kagura: You lose, Shinpachi. Work hard now.
Shinpachi: Why do I lose?

Zeamon: All right, he wins.
Gintoki: [in English] Victory.
Shinpachi: Eeeeeh??
Kagura: See you, loser. Work hard, now.
Gintoki: That’s right, Shinpachi. The client is God. Do whatever he says…Hey, what’s going on?
Zeamon: What do you mean? The winner gets the privilege of working for me.
Gintoki: [feebly] Oh, that’s not right…

Shinsengumi member 1: Come out, you shiny-headed…that’s that’s…
Shinsengumi member 2: A hairy samurai sybarite?!
Both Shinsengumi: That’s not the one we’re looking for!

Shinsengumi member 1: Here he is! The silver headed samurai!
Shinsengumi member 2: That’s…that’s…
Shinsengumi member 1: A receding-hair samurai…

Gintoki: Come on, don’t you know that you have to treat your workers with respect?
Zeamon: Yeah, all right, I respect you. Now then, get to work.

[Talking about Gintoki]
Hijikata: I’ll take care of him before this gets any bigger.
Okita: If you do it yourself, there’ll be trouble. The government’s not supposed to assassinate people…
Hijikata: It’s not an assassination. I’m going to fight him fair and square.
Okita: But if you find a silver-headed samurai and bring him to HQ, I think the others will be satisfied. How about this guy? [picks an old guy] Come on, hold your wooden sword…
Hijikata: Hey old man, use that to knock some sense into him, would you?
Okita: Well, Hijikata-san, he might not look like much, but if you take his glasses off…see, he’s like Musashi! [famous swordsman]
Hijikata: Why does he get to look so cool?

[Raiding a house looking for the silver haired samurai]
Hijikata: Give it up!
Samurai: Did you want something?
Yamazaki: That’s…a strapped-for-cash samurai…

Zeamon: You lump, you have to put your heart and soul into every swing!
Gintoki: Sure, I’ll put my heart and soul into bashing your head in, baldy!
Zeamon: What was that, ingrate? Get off your high horse, perm boy!

Okita: Let’s go home. My show’s about to start.
Hijikata: When did they change the schedule? I thought the drama reruns started at 4…
Okita: Is that right? Well, the drama seems like it’ll end happily…
Hijikata: That’s what you think. [thinking] You’re all smiley and giggly. Your inner calm is disrupted.
Okita: Oh, really?

Hijikata: It’s thanks to him [Kondo] that we Shinsengumi can walk the streets, heads held high. We chose to follow him. Isn’t that right, Sougou?
Okita: [to a tiny dog] Now go, Sadamaru no. 3! Your target is that guy’s ass!
Hijikata: Hey, are you even listening to me?!

Gintoki: Hey, watch out, man.
Hijikata: You could’ve killed me!
Gintoki: Well, I told you to look out…
Hijikata: You practically mumbled it!
Gintoki: Keep it down. I don’t need any more tension on this job, especially from the likes of you.

Gintoki: [to Hijikata] Oh, could it be…Oogushi-kun? Oh my, you’ve really grown up. Oh, and do you still have that goldfish of yours?

[Gintoki goes back up on the roof]
Okita: He’s gone. What should we do, Oogushi-kun?
Hijikata: Who are you calling Oogushi-kun? I completely forgot about him in three short weeks…
Okita: Well, he’s a forgettable guy.

Gintoki: Good lord, I’m gonna go bald myself after working for this baldly for an entire day.

Gintoki: Hey, you’re that gorilla’s friend? [looks at the sword Hijikata has given him] But hey, what’s up with this thing? [Hijikata sends him flying over the roof] What are you doing?
Hijikata: He may be a gorilla, but to us he’s our precious commander!

Hijikata: I won’t let you beat the Shinsengumi. If one of us falls, then we have no choice but to cut the opponent to shreds! [runs at Gintoki] [cut scene]
Kagura: It’s time for my TV drama!

[Zeamon hears the fight on the other side of the roof]
Zeamon: Hey, Gin-san, if you just play around, I won’t pay you a dime!
Gintoki: [cut in the shoulder] Shut up, baldy, and call the police! The police!!
Hijikata: I am the police.
Gintoki: Well then, help me, will you?
Hijikata: I suppose I should. [thinking] He’s an odd one indeed…

[Talking about Gintoki]
Hijikata: [thinking] Could it be that he doesn’t want to hurt me, even when his very life is in peril?

[Gintoki cuts Hijikata’s sword in half]
Gintoki: That’s all then. Hey baldy, I’m going to the hospital!
Hijikata: Wait! Do you pity me?
Gintoki: Pity? If I had enough of that to give to you, then I’d put it over rice for dinner.

Gintoki: One fights to protect something, like you fought me to protect the Shinsengumi.
Hijikata: Protect? So what are you protecting?
Gintoki: My honor. See ya.

[Okita has been watching the battle between Hijikata and Gintoki]
Okita: He’s an interesting man. I’d like to cross swords with him myself.
Kondo: Don’t bother. He’d kick your ass, Sougou. He’s the kind of guy who’s fighting another battle far away, even as a sword swings at his throat. Fair or unfair, it doesn’t matter to him.

[After credits and preview]
Class: Teach us, Ginpachi sensei!
Gintoki: Um, this is a question from a Mr. Oonishi, from the second floor. ‘I noticed something strange the other day. Shinpachi-kun said that the “purge” was a movement that happened twenty years ago to drive amanto off earth. So, no matter how you cut it, Gin-san and Katsura-san have to be more than thirty years old. Is that true?’ Uh, ok now. Pay attention now, cuz this is gonna be on the test. The war of expulsion didn’t end in just a year or two, you see. When the war started twenty years ago, Gin-san was still just a hairless baby. The shogunate, afraid of the aliens, surrendered right away, but the samurai still resisted. It was around this time that Gin-san got a different kind of hair. When the amanto had infiltrated the entire government and were running roughshod over the whole nation, Gin-san finally entered the fight! Well, in a manner of speaking…So, that’s how the war of expulsion, lasting ten full years, happened. Gin-san and his friends only really participated in the very end of it. Oh, and Oonishi, go stand in the hall!

Episode 10: “When You’re Tired, Eat Something Sour”


Shinpachi: Gin-san, Gin-san, it’s an emergency!
Gintoki: What’s up, four-eyes?
Shinpachi: That stalker who was following my sister around was actually Shinsengumi Commander Kondo Isao!
Gintoki: Yeah, I heard.
Shinpachi: You did? From whom?
Gintoki: Oogushi-kun.
Shinpachi: Oogushi-kun?
Gintoki: Yep, Oogushi-kun.

[Kagura is in a shop]
Kagura: Old lady, can I have some sukonbu?
Old Lady: Take care.
Kagura: Deer shit…

Kagura: What are you doing in front of my shop, you little brats? Did someone drop some porn over there or something?
Kid: It’s the sukonbu girl!
Kid 2: Run! We’ll all start smelling like sukonbu!
Kagura: Go home and suck on your Mom’s teat.

Shinpachi: Did you buy the toilet paper?
Kagura: Here you go. [hands him one roll]
Shinpachi: Kagura-chan, don’t you usually buy a pack with a bunch of rolls in it? This won’t be enough if someone eats something disagreeable.
Kagura: Don’t complain. I’m doing you a favor. Who are you, my Mother-in-law? Once, a lonely samurai lived in the woods, and he didn’t have any toilet paper, so he…
Shinpachi: There’s no fable like that! Whom did you hear that from?
Kagura: Gin-chan told me.
Shinpachi: Don’t listen to what he says.
Gintoki: Shut up, all of you.

Kagura: I’m not going to take that from some wet behind the ears brat!
Shinpachi: What’s that? You’re younger than me, aren’t you? [holds up the toilet paper roll for emphasis]
Gintoki: [staring at Sadaharu] Shinpachi, what’s that white thing?
Shinpachi: What does it look like? Toilet paper!

Kagura: Oh, I picked it up around back. Cute, isn’t it?
Gintoki: What do you mean, “picked it up”? If you’re going to get a pet, get one we can identify!
Kagura: Sadaharu.
Shinpachi: You just made that up! I can tell you just made that up!

Gintoki: He’ll be fine. A sadaharu can make it just fine.
Shinpachi: Why are you calling it Sadaharu now?!
Gintoki: You understand why, Sadaha—[gets his head bitten by Sadaharu]

Assistant: First discovered in the M-78 galaxy, this is the ultra-giraffe.
Prince: Wow, it’s so tall! [gets picked up by it]
Assistant: But it eats people.
Assistant: This is the Iscandar Elephant, from the Diamond Nebula.
Prince: This one’s neat, too! [gets sucked into its trunk]
Assistant: Its trunk can stretch long distances, and it eats people.
Assistant: This is the petit penguin, first discovered in the Lilliput Star System.
Prince: This one’s safe, isn’t it?
Assistant: That one does not eat people. [The prince gets attacked by a bear]

But the bear that lives with it does.

Prince: Tell me that beforehand!

Okita: Hijikata-san, why do we have to go looking for some animal?
Hijikata: I don’t really know, but I hear it’s an order from all the way up top.
Okita: We don’t even know what it looks like, so how are we supposed to find it?
Hijikata: Well, we have to be thorough…[is suddenly wearing a dog collar and leash] what the hell are you doing Sougou?!
Okita: Presenting you to one of the top men.
Hijikata: What kind of shit are you spouting, man?!!
Okita: End your sentences with “woof” if you would.
Hijikata: Fuck you!

Gintoki: At any rate, I suppose I’ll let Shigeho stay here until we find him a new home.
Shinpachi: It’s Sadaharu, isn’t it?

Gintoki: When a woman says something’s cute, a man just can’t trust it.

Kagura: [picks up Sadaharu] What do I have to do? If you’ll only trust him as far as I can throw him, I can throw him as far as you want!

[Kagura has thrown Sadaharu on Shinpachi and Gintoki]
Shinpachi: Move him, Kagura-chan.
Gintoki: I feel like I’m going to burst.
Kagura: So now you know how I feel…
Shinpachi: No, not that kind of feeling…

Gintoki: It hurts! It feels like the chocolate I just ate is gonna make it’s debut on the puking circuit!

Gintoki: That damn Sadaharu slobbered all over my Jump!
Kagura: He’s so cute, slobber and all!
Shinpachi: He peed all over Otsuu-chan’s debut CD!
Kagura: Sadaharu’s cuter than that Otsuu anyway!

Gintoki: I’ve come to pay the rent.
Otose: What’s all this? There’s probably a camera around here somewhere, isn’t there?

Gintoki: I thought I’d come pay this month’s rent…[camera pans to Sadaharu]
Otose: Yes, it’s certainly hot out today.
Gintoki: Please, I’m begging you! Surely this is worth a month’s rent!
Otose: I don’t need any Dog of Flanders!

Gintoki: By learning a painful truth, a girl takes the first step towards womanhood, and a geeky fanboy will become a man.
Shinpachi: Are you talking about me?! Are you calling me a geeky fanboy?! I’ll never change!

Shinpachi: Are you trying to stick me with him?
Gintoki: Well, your sister does have a stalker on her tail, right?
Shinpachi: You took care of that, Gin-san!
Gintoki: So I scratch your back, you scratch mine. This’ll work, as far as payment.
Shinpachi: Listen to me, dumbass!
Gintoki: [to Sadaharu] Don’t bite me.

Otae: We already have one useless, pubescent boy living here, so taking on another would be…
Shinpachi: What do you mean, “useless”? And this is a dog!

Shinpachi: He certainly looks cute, doesn’t he…
Gintoki: He must be a bio-weapon in the shape of a dog.

Hijikata: So here you are.
Gintoki: What do you want? Shouldn’t you be at work? Trying to find someone to play with?
Hijikata: I’d never ask you to play with me, ever!

Gintoki: I thought we settled our differences when we fought the other day.
Hijikata: Fine! Then we’ll just fight for fun this time!

Gintoki: No way. I’m not giving him to you. Don’t forget that I don’t bend to the will of the Shinsengumi.
Hijikata: Fine, then I’ll bend you to my will, you troglodyte!

Hijikata: Not good. What should we do, Sougou?
Okita: Well, Hijikata-san, if you’d just end your sentences with “woof”, then…
Hijikata: No way!

[Gintoki and Shinpachi have been hit by the Assistant driving Prince Hata around.]
Prince: What have you done?
Assistant: Calm down, prince. At any rate, [he jumps into the car's trunk] I have to find a time machine, and…
Prince: Hey, you’re the one who has to calm down! Wow, what’s this? [looking at Sadaharu]
Assistant: What is it, my prince?
Prince: Look at this!
Assistant: Did you find a time machine?

Okita: [presents the dog collar] End your sentences with “woof”, Kondo-san.

Gintoki: Thanks everyone, for supporting me all this time, but our fight will continue unto eternity!

[After the previews and credits]
Gintoki as Ginpachi Sensei: Don’t think there’s gonna be an extra bit after every show!

Episode 11: "A Dumpling You’ve Chewed and Spit out isn’t a Dumpling Anymore, You Idiot!"

Gintoki: Wow, Bankai sure is nice. Maybe I’ll try it.
Ichigo: Wanna have a go, Gin-san?
Gintoki: Fine. I’ll take you up on that! Uwah! Uh, that’s not right.
Ichigo: Bwah!
Gintoki: Awah!
Ichigo: Dwah! EH??

Shinpachi: [voiceover] Gin-san, Gin-san, did you see the game the other day?
Gintoki: [voiceover] Uh, yeah, I saw it.
Shinpachi: It sure was great, wasn’t it?
Gintoki: Yeah. I never thought we’d win.
Shinpachi: Win?
Gintoki: Yeah, the World Baseball Classic.
Shinpachi: No, I’m talking about the World Cup!
Gintoki: Oh, that.
Shinpachi: What do you mean, “oh that”? It’s all anyone’s talking about!
Gintoki: Never mind that. Why’re we airing an anime special when the whole world’s gaga about soccer? An hour long special at that!
Shinpachi: Don’t complain. Let’s just get started.

Gintoki: Eh? Who cares if we try to mix things up some? You know what they say, all things change…being the only competitor means being the victor! Don’t get pissed off at me! If you think you can blame me and avoid responsibility, you’re way off! The night is crawling with demons! Listen up! What we need is this! [holds up strawberry milk] Yes, calcium. If we have enough calcium, we can do anything! Trouble with tests? Fighting with your parents? Some girl you like? Odiferous nethers? If you have enough calcium, all of these can be solved!

Shinpachi: No, they won’t! No matter how much calcium you get, you’ll still have broken bones after being hit by a car!
Gintoki: I got hit too, but I’m still kicking! It’s all thanks to my daily intake of this miracle elixir.
Shinpachi: You only drink strawberry milk! Don’t act like some tough guy!
Gintoki: What’s that? I drink milk coffee too.
Kagura: [eating] It’s got about 100 calories per serving, low salt content, and all the omega fatty acids you could want. Milk’s great.
Shinpachi: That’s my food!
Gintoki: Drink the strawberry milk. Strawberry milk.
Shinpachi: Oh gross. Sickly sweet!
Gintoki: What was that?! Gintoki has breath like a field of flowers.
Shinpachi: Uwah! Shinpachi takes 99 points of damage!

Shinpachi: Come on, you’re an adult. Act the part. It’s getting more and more uncomfortable staying here.
Gintoki: Well, a man is always on a journey to find his niche in life.
Shinpachi: Don’t act like you’re some kind of philosopher!

Kagura: Pops, yo! Mom, yo! Hey, hey, ho! I'm looking for a My House and i found a manhole! Can't stand up anymore, I'm tired from my adventure...Where's my house?
Shinpachi: Don’t rap it either! What are you singing about anyway?!
Gintoki: Goodness. There’s so many wannabes these days…It’s all because of calcium deficiency.

Kagura: It looks like we’re not welcome here! It’s like that fall in middle school when Hamaru-kun, who didn’t get mad even if called pimple face or crater boy, went on a rampage when I spoke to him and threw his chair at me!
Shinpachi: Who the hell is Hamaru-kun?

Shinpachi: We can’t heal you, so if that’s it, I suggest you donate money to a local church. Well, they do it for free sometimes, but I heard from great-grandma…No, I’m sorry! When I said “money”, I meant in this game I’m playing! No! I don’t want my last words to be some lame excuse about a game!

Shinpachi: What’s with the sukonbu?
Kagura: When I hear a sad story, my treats are the refuge of my soul…

Gintoki: It isn’t money or possessions that matter in this life, it’s love!
Kagura: So this is the state of the youth of today, is it?
Shinpachi: Huh? Why are you lecturing me like I’m a spoiled brat?

Kagura: Is this inheritance worth more than a sukonbu?
Gintoki: More than a whole family pack!

Gintoki: God, you have the memory of a chicken.
Old man: But hey, Gintoki, at least pay off your tab! The last time you paid me was 219 days ago. You have to pay for your seaside dumplings from 217 days ago, your mushroom and sweet wine dumplings from 212 days ago, and…
Gintoki: What are you, a kid trying to remember the stops before his train station? You won’t get done before sunset!

Old man: Anyway, Gintoki, pay up already. The last time you paid me was 219 days ago, and…
Gintoki: Why don’t you try memorizing pi instead?
Old man: Seriously? Pi? Huh? [Gintoki and Kagura run away] Hey! Which do you think is better, names of historical politicians or a mathematical equation?

Shinpachi: [to the old man] I bought your damned Jump and Playboy…

Client: [looking at Shinpachi’s outstretched hand] Hmm, you want one of three things. 1: for me to read your palm, 2: to hold your hand, 3: payment for your services. Now, which one is it?
Shinpachi: Money, you old bag! Money!

Shinpachi: What a dumb old man. I can’t stand him. What I really can’t stand though is how Playboy’s editors are so lax! Why can’t they get things right? The pages aren’t even numbered correctly!

Gintoki: I’m sorry, but our bond was forged on the promise of remuneration.
Shinpachi: I’m going to have to take this Jump back. I still want to know what happens on the tenth page.

Client: Who was it that said the candle burns brightest before it goes out? Oh yes, it was Kana-chan.

Gintoki: Looks like we’re going full speed ahead on the hairpin investigation.
Shinpachi: What??
Gintoki: Listen up! Let’s say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but it’s cold outside your bed. You don’t want to get up, but the urge to urinate is just too strong! You make up your mind to go! You run to the bathroom, stand in front of the toilet, and let loose! You think that all your life has led to this moment! But then you realize. It isn’t the bathroom! You’re still in bed! That feeling of lukewarm wetness spreads like wildfire! But you don’t stop! You can’t stop! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s the truth of the strawberry milk! Do you get it?
Kagura: Strawberry milk!
Shinpachi: Is that right... Huh?
Nearly everyone in the hospital:STRAWBERRY MILK! STRAWBERRY MILK!

Kagura: [letting Sadaharu smell the hairpin] When you find her, you can chew this up all you like, Sadaharu!
Shinpachi: It doesn’t work like that! Chew it up? And how will he find her?
Kagura: By smell.
Shinpachi: It’s been 50 years! There’s no smell left.
Kagura: You never know. Maybe she has terrible BO or something…
Shinpachi: BO? Don’t crush a young man’s conception of the female body, Miss Sukonbu!
Gintoki: Don’t worry, Shinpachi-kun. Real babes smell good, no matter how sweaty they get. But I suppose some might smell, in spite of being hot…
Shinpachi: Crazy man.
Gintoki: Oh well, rather than the perfect woman, I think I’d rather choose someone who really loves me, or some sappy B.S…

Gintoki: [to Sadaharu] Oi! You just went home! You trying to ruin our reputation here, ya dumb dog?! What are you doing? I told you to do your business outside. We can’t keep having the rugs cleaned.

Kagura: [about Otose] There’s no way she’d give anyone anything! I once saw her shoot down a passing star cruiser!

Gintoki: Nah, no way, the only way she'd be called Ayano would be if it had Battleship at the front.
Otose: Hey, how did you know my name was Ayano?

Kagura: Oh mister ant, are you enjoying your walk?
Otose: Why are you trying to reconcile the harsh truth with simple objects? I’m not an ant, I’m an Ayano!

Shinpachi: Hey, I think you hit something back there!
Kagura: I’m sure it was nothing.
Gintoki: Compared to our endeavor, the lives of others mean little.
Shinpachi: That was a person! A person! A person!
Gintoki: No, it wasn’t.
Kagura: If anything, it was a mushroom or maybe a toadstool.
Otose: You people make me sick.

Doctor: Who are you guys?
Gintoki: It’s a promise between strawberry milk drinkers!

Episode 12: "The person that has a good first impression isn't that of good person."

Otose: Can’t you just once pay up front, or maybe even on time? Or even forget it altogether and just say, “Oh, nice day isn’t it?” You’re terrible!
Gintoki: If it’s small talk you want, then I’ll give you small talk! It’s suuuuuch a niiiice daaaaay! Ugh, I can’t. It feels like cotton in my mouth.

Otose: Why don’t you use that no-good mouth to get some money?! Or should I do it? I bet those red lips would fetch a high price in the red light district!
Gintoki: Shut up! My lips exist solely for strawberry milk and chocolate parfaits.
Otose: If you’ve got time to eat filth like that, then pay the damned rent, even if it’s just 1 yen of it!
Gintoki: My life’s more important to me than the damned rent.

[Kagura asks if she can have seconds]
Gintoki: You’re like a vacuum! Don’t you dare take another bite!

[To Otose]
Kagura: You put sand in the snacks, because the drunks won’t tell. You’re smart lady.

[To Kagura]
Gintoki: Usually, someone eating makes a munching noise, but you sound more like a vacuum…Idiot! Don’t smile like that! It’s more expensive here than anywhere else in the city!

Otose: You think you can pay for that monster when you can’t even get your own shit together?
Gintoki: I was never very flexible. Who cares if a little shit remains?
Otose: Not that kind of shit…

[To Gintoki]
Shinpachi: Not only to you lack the will to do anything, you don’t even have the determination to run from your problems!

[About Catherine]
Gintoki: Quite impressive. She doesn’t have our perverse sense of humor.

Gintoki: It may be tough now, but the worst is surely yet to come. Keep that in mind, and you’ll be fine.

Shinpachi: When my sister makes fried eggs, you see and taste things you can’t even imagine. Gin-san, did you know? There are some canned goods that smell so bad, even a cat wouldn’t go near them. They say that smelly things often taste good. Gin-san, did you know? When the Inuit catch a reindeer, they eat all the intestines and everything. I’ll bet it’s so soft and warm and delicious. And Gin-san, did you know? When a hawk catches a rat, it only eats it after taking it apart in its nest! I’ll be it’s soooo…there’s so many good things on this earth!

Gintoki: Well, it’s something like a big trash bin here. What I mean is, we’re really both like trash, you see…No, I suppose even trash is a little strong…More like, we’re snot of the same nostril…no, pots from the same mould…

Shinpachi: There’s your culprit! What the hell’s with that glazed over sugar coma?!

Gintoki: I know who did it. This is the culprit! [points to Kagura, and Kagura breaks his finger] What the hell was that for?
Kagura: People who tell unfunny jokes get their fingers broken.
Gintoki: Wrong! And I was going to show you a way to get back home free too!
Police: Well, deportation isn’t exactly free…

Gintoki: She’d be fine, even if we threw her into space.
Kagura: I’m not a cockroach!
Gintoki: Watch your tone! Apologize to the poor cockroaches! They’re the most durable beings on the planet! Apologize to the cockroaches!

Gintoki: [going down the stairs] My mouth tastes terrible! I guess you really shouldn’t drink anything sweet before going to bed…All right, I’ve finally climbed up the stairs to manhood! Wait, or did I climb down?! Eh? What am I talking about, all alone?

[Shinpachi sees Gintoki and Catherine together]
Shinpachi: S-s-s-s-orry! I didn’t mean to interrupt your pleasurable night time encounter! Please, enjoy the concealment of the darkness to its fullest!
Gintoki: Oi.
Kagura: Ignorant mortals. Tremble before my power! Uwahahahaha!
Shinpachi: Are you sleepwalking? What kind of dream are you having? A shot glass and a cat?!
Kagura: Men’s lives are so puny…
Gintoki: Oi.
Shinpachi: [to Kagura] Where did this menacing tone come from?

[3-Z, Ginpachi Sensei]
Gintoki: All right, listen up you guys. The story of sugar is that a lot of people got together, and went to the land of sugar! It was a long, long time ago.
Student: Sensei, that’s just a fairy tale!

Episode 13: "If you’re going to cosplay, do it with all your heart!"

Parent: I’m afraid she got mixed up in something terrible!
Gintoki: Yeah…there’s a chance…she could be mixed up in some giant…ham processing machine…

Parent: I was thinking she got caught up in some kind of trouble…
Gintoki: Trouble? Oh, like ham trouble?

[Looking for the missing girl, Kagura asks a bar owner if he’s seen her.]
Guy: Is there a name?
Kagura: Em…Hammy.
Guy: Don’t make stuff up! What kind of parents would name their kid that?
Kagura: I forgot, but no big deal…

Gintoki: I can’t be bothered doing this. Let’s just buy some ham and pass it off as her.
Shinpachi: Who’re you trying to fool?! How long do you intend to use the ham joke?!

Shinpachi: Hey! Pointless characters shouldn’t take up the whole scene!

Gintoki: By whom should I swear? I’ll swear by the weather girl…

Daraku: If there’s something in your way, kill it. Kill it and get outta here! There’s a drama on tonight that I have to watch.
Gintoki: Me too.

Daraku: I’m not typically a guy who just hates people. But there are 3 types of people I can’t stand: The first is the guy who gets in the way of work; the second is a guy who doesn’t wash his hands in the restroom; the third is a dirty looking guy with a natural perm. You fit all the categories!

Gintoki: Do you want me to tell you the three kinds of people I hate? First! Girls who fool around during preparations for a school festival! Second! Foolish boys who tag along with them, unnecessarily aroused! Third! Teachers who just go along with it, smiling serenely!
Daraku: Geez. All you’re saying is you hate school festivals. I bet you had a gloomy youth…
Gintoki: Not as bad as yours. Fooling around in a restroom at your age…still, what I like about you is that you look like a leaf that can’t dress right.

Gintoki: I’m sorry that my stupid daughter caused you problems. I’ll just take her home and scold her. [he steps out of the bathroom to see a whole group of evil looking guys] Oi, oi, is everyone happily using the restroom together? There aren’t enough stalls.

Katsura: Speaking of which, why were you there?
Gintoki: Speaking of which, who the hell were those guys?

Gintoki: ‘A person’s life is like carrying a heavy burden while walking a long road.’ A long time ago, a guy named Tokugawa Nobuhide said that.
Katsura: What’s with the mixed names? It’s Lord Ieyasu, Lord Ieyasu!

Gintoki: When I first heard it, I thought it sounded so lame. But I guess you can’t dismiss what old people say. It wasn’t a burden. It was something important that you held with both hands. But you didn’t realize it was there when you held it. I only realized its true weight after it slipped from my hands. I don’t know how often I thought, ‘I’ll never carry this again.’ But, all of a sudden, I’m feeling that weight again…If I really threw it all away, it’d be easier. But, regardless, I don’t feel like it. It would be too boring to keep walking without them.

Katsura: Your right hand can’t carry the entire burden. From now on, I’m your left arm.

Guy: Look, we don’t need guys like you.
Gintoki: [dressed in a space pirate outfit] How rude. We want to be pirates too! Take us with you! Right, Zura?
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Captain Katsura.
Gintoki: We’re mischievous guys who’ve dreamt of becoming pirates ever since we were little. We’re looking for the secret treasure called ‘One Park’. Right, Zura?
Katsura: It’s not Zura; it’s Captain Katsura.
Guy: Whatever. Go find it yourselves.
Gintoki: Don’t say that. Look, my hand’s a hook. I can only be a pirate or a coat hanger now.

Gintoki: [pointing his bokuto at the guy] At least give us an interview.
Katsura: [pointing his sword at the guy] Look, we even have resumes.

[After saving Kagura]
Gintoki: Shit, the wound opened up. Um, excuse me, is this where the interview is being held? Good afternoon, my name is Sakata Gintoki. I want to apply for captain. My hobby is eating sweets. My skills include being able to sleep with my eyes open…

Daraku: You’re Katsura!
Katsura: Wrong! I’m Captain Katsura!

Gintoki: Listen, I don’t care what you guys do around the universe. This is my sword, and anywhere it can reach is my country! Bastards who come in and try to mess with my things…whether it be a general, whether it be space pirates, whether it be a meteorite…I’ll destroy them!

Daraku: For a guy who doesn’t wash his hands in the restroom, you’re pretty clean. [falls over dead]

Shinpachi: This is no good. I’m so dizzy, I can’t walk.
Kagura: I’ve been in the sun so long, I’m getting light headed. Piggyback!
Gintoki: What are you two brats whining about? Who do you think is the most tired?! It’s with-a-two-day-hangover, with-body-beat-up, he-did-his-best Gin-san!

Shinpachi: But I’m really dizzy you know.
Kagura: Yeah, I’m so light headed!
Gintoki: Whatever, I’m going home. [starts walking away, then stops] Cut the crap already! I’ll give you a piggyback or whatever! [Kagura and Shinpachi run to Gintoki] What the hell, you’re just bursting with energy…

Kagura: Gin-chan, I feel like eating ramen!
Shinpachi: I want sushi, too!
Gintoki: Don’t think you can eat food like that unless it’s your birthday. Geez, you guys are so heavy, dammit.
Katsura: This time, you’re holding on to them as tightly as you can.

Gintoki: This is Gintoki. Recently, I was chasing after a cat who took my fish. I was running butt naked, and everyone, even the sun, was laughing at me.

[In the omake at the end]

Katsura: Zura janai, Captain Katsura dattebayo! Darn it... (Note: "Zura janai, Katsura da" means "It's not Zura, it's Katsura." The dattebayo part is a play on the end particle of the sentence, "da". Dattebayo is Naruto's catchphrase from the anime/manga Naruto.)

Episode 14: "There's a weird rule guys have that says touching a frog means coming of age."

Gintoki: This week, Gin-san shares in his nationalistic anime’s good fortune for the first time.

Hijikata: You bastard, you somehow manage to condescend even while asleep. Hey, wake up, asshole. Why are you napping when we’re supposed to be beefing up security?
Okita: What do you want mom? Today’s Sunday you know. Damnit, you’re really annoying.
Hijikata: It’s TUESDAY, you ass!!

Hijikata: Don’t make light of your work, asshole.
Okita: When have I been making light of my work? The only thing I’ve been making light of is you, Hijikata-san!
Hijikata: Fine, let’s take this outside, bitch!
Kondo: [hits them] What the hell are you retards doing during work? What the fuck? You think this is a goddamn fieldtrip? Get your heads out of your asses!
Frog: [hits Kondo] You’re the noisiest of them all, ribbit.

Okita: What was that? We’re putting our lives on the line doing this crappy job.
Hijikata: Weren’t you sleeping?

Okita: I don’t feel much drive since he might be the one involved with the pirates. Right, Hijikata-san?
Hijikata: I’m always driven. [leaning back, smoking]
Okita: Don’t let anyone see you like that, or they’ll all lose their drive. Look, Yamazaki’s even playing badminton. Badminton.
Hijikata: Yamazaki! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!

Kondo: If you see anyone in trouble, be it good guy or bad guy, you should help them out. This is something all humans should do.

Kondo: Monkeys we may be, but monkeys with nerves of steel and hearts of samurai!

[About Kondo]
Hijikata: No matter what mistakes he may make, I have to protect him. If you don’t like it, you can get out. I’ll never leave him.

[Okita has put the frog the Shinsengumi have been guarding on a cross, and has started to build a fire at the frog’s feet.]
Hijikata: What the fuck are you doing?!
Okita: Don’t worry, don’t worry. He won’t die. We just have to protect him, right? This way, we can lure out the enemy and get them. It’s aggressive protection.

Okita: I think it’s only right that bad people like you and I are also in the Shinsengumi.
Hijikata: Ah, it’s so cold tonight. Do me a favor and pile it up over there, Sougou.
Okita: No problem!
Frog: [with logs in his mouth] mmmmph!!!

Kagura: Gin-chan, what’s ‘in cahoots’?
Gintoki: [snores]
Kagura: Hey, don’t fake it, you stupid natural perm!

Girl: What in the world is this? Sour! Even more sour than an old man’s armpits!
Kagura: That’s what’s so good about it. Even an old man’s armpits grow on you with prolonged exposure!
Girl: No thanks. Not in a million years.

Hijikata: It’s so hot. Why the hell is our uniform so damned thick? Just when everyone else is switching to lighter clothing…And worse, we have to search for someone in this goddamned heat. Dammit.
Okita: Since you’re feeling hot, I can make you a set of summer clothes, Hijikata-san. [tries to slash Hijikata, but Hijikata dodges] That’s so dangerous. Please don’t move around. You’ll get hurt.
Hijikata: What’s dangerous is you! What do you think you’re doing?!
Okita: What am I doing? Helping to make your uniform sleeveless.
Hijikata: Liar! I think you just wanted to lop of my entire arm!

Okita: Actually, I’m in the midst of selling the summer clothes I mentioned. [holds up a sleeveless jacket] What do you think, Hijikata-san? Do you want one…
Hijikata: Who’d want one?! No matter how I look at it, it’s just some bad joke!

Kondo: Even though she’s a princess, she’s still a little girl. I’m sure she still has problems with her dad’s body odor or his weird looks.
Hijikata: She just has problems with her dad?
Okita: Anyway, it’s going to be pretty tough to find her. How about we just throw a party here to lure her out?
Hijikata: That’d only happen in a fairy tale. You’re the only one who’d fall for that!

Kagura: Kids these days just want to stuff their faces and make sweet love. At least that’s what Gin-chan says.

Kondo: Wait a minute, Sougou! What do you think you’re doing with that cannon?!
Okita: I’m not that great at standing around doing nothing.
Kondo: Wait! What if you hit the princess?!
Okita: That wouldn’t happen. After all, I used to be a sniper.
Kondo: Wasn’t that just a goal?!
Okita: It’s better to work towards your dreams then let them wither away.

Gintoki: [wearing a pink apron] Afternoon…it’s Cooking Today…
Otae: Today’s menu is omu rice! It’s popular with the oldest grandmothers and the youngest children! Right, sensei?
Gintoki: I hate children. Besides, why do I have to cook for other people anyway?
Otae: [pointing a knife at Gintoki] Let’s skip the extra talking, and get with the cooking, sensei.

Otae: Let’s begin with the chicken rice. Sensei, where do we start?
Gintoki: Kagura, cut the vegetables. Slice them into small pieces.
Kagura: Got it! [slices the onion, and table, into pieces with her hands]
Shinpachi: Hey! Now what will we do?
Kagura: I definitely sliced it into small pieces.
Gintoki: You’re supposed to cut vegetables this way. [throws an onion in the air and dices it with his bokuto] Yep, that’s how it’s done.
Shinpachi: Hey! No way can people cut onions with a bokuto!
Gintoki: It’s all in the mind! The mind! Not just cutting onions—you can do anything with the mind!

Otae: Um, sensei, since the show started, you’ve just thrown in ingredients. Aren’t you going to explain what you’re doing?
Gintoki: It’s all right. Don’t worry. All these should be easy to do.
Otae: But we’re running a cooking show, after all. It’s pretty abnormal not to explain clearly what’s happening…
Gintoki: Well, when men cook, it’s always like this. If you just follow what I do, then…[sudden cut to a finished dish]
Otae: The dish is finally ready.
Shinpachi: When did you add the noodles??

Otae: It seems like the base is ready. The rice should also…[pan to Kagura eating the rice out of the rice cooker]
Shinpachi: Hey!! The dish isn’t done! You’re not supposed to eat the rice yet!
Kagura: Can I have another helping?
Shinpachi: This is such a disaster…

Gintoki: Oi, oi, What did you do? We don’t have anymore rice here now…
Otae: I thought something like this would happen, so I’ve already prepared the completed dish.
Shinpachi: It can’t be…
Gintoki: It’s not some burnt eggs, is it? [They open the box to a disembodied scream. There are charred eggs inside.] I knew it…
Kagura: Do we really have to eat this?

Episode 32: "Life flows like a conveyor belt."

[At a factory producing Justaways, Yamazaki is told Gintoki has amnesia]
Gintoki: That is the case, so excuse me. You seem to be someone I used to know, but I don't remember. Uh, Shinsengumi's... what was it? Should I call you Shin-chan maybe?
Yamazaki: [hits Gintoki on the head] Hey! I said it was a secret operation, didn't I?! Ah, I said it! [drags Gintoki off to the side]
Gintoki: What is it, you? Bang bang banging on people's heads like that. Are you hoping to become a tambourine player? If you don't like Shin-chan, then how about Sen-chan from secret operation?
Yamazaki: Are you harassing me? Am I not telling you that it's Yamazaki?
Gintoki: Oh, I don't remember, so I will go with Tanbara.
Yamazaki: It's not that you don't remember, it's that you don't want to remember, isn't it!!

Yamazaki: Master, I'm withdrawing from here now. It looks like our commander has gone missing.
Gintoki: Jimmy, are you going to lose heart that quickly? Nobody can do that well at first. You can do anything you put your mind into!
Yamazaki: Who the heck is Jimmy?! Is it possible that you're getting that from "jimi" (plain)? Besides, I only came here as a spy!

[Yamazaki warns Gintoki that the factory boss, Mamushi, is suspected of illegally producing weapons for the Joui.]
Gintoki: The boss is an ero list? Stop making false accusations! The boss is the one who took me in, he saved me!
Yamazaki: I don't really understand what you're saying... "Ero"? "List"?

Kondo: Sakata-san. We're gonna start working again.
Yamazaki: Ah, oops. Well then, time for me to... [turns to leave]
Kondo: Sakata-san, will you take a look at my Justaway?
Yamazaki: [turns back and sees Kondo and Gintoki]
Kondo: So what do you think of it?
Gintoki: Hm... maybe you could raise this part just a little bit, Gori-san.
Yamazaki: [Gives Kondo a punch] What the hell are you saying?!
Gintoki: Gori-san!
Yamazaki: [on the phone] Hello? I have found the idiot. Yes, I'll bring him back right away.
Gintoki: Gori-san, wake up! Jimmy, what was that for? Gori-san, you know, is the same as me, he lost his memory. If you don't treat his head gently he'll lose consciousness right away! He's as delicate as a Nintendo!
Yamazaki: [crushes his phone in shock] Amnesia?! Are you serious, Commander?! Even though you're an idiot, what sort of crazy situation have you gotten yourself into?! Even though you're an idiot!
Gintoki: That's too much, Jimmy! Idiots in their idiotic way have their own idiotic worries!
Yamazaki: Enough! This is pathetic, this is a pain in the ass, you guys! Anyway, we'll go back together, Commander!
Kondo: [with tears in his eyes] Stop it! I've decided to become the number one Justaway craftsman in Edo! It doesn't matter what happens, I'll become number one, I promised the boss I would!
Yamazaki: In that case, don't worry, you're the world's number one idiot. Now come on!
Kondo: I don't wanna, I don't wanna!
[A Justaway flies into the air by accident and explodes upon landing]

Kondo: The Justaways are not at fault! The one at fault is the boss, the Justaways haven't done anything wrong!

[Gintoki throws a huge barrel onto an advancing Mamushi, and Kondo throws a Justaway onto it to detonate it]
Yamazaki: Hey! Didn't you guys say you weren't gonna fight him?! You went all out just now, didn't you!
Gintoki: Did we say something like that, Gori-san?
Kondo: It's no good, I can't remember. I have amnesia so...
Yamazaki: That's some convenient amnesia there, oi!

[A piece of flying debris from the explosion hits Hijikata on the head and he starts bleeding]
Okita: [to the crowd] It's dangerous, so please stand back. You'll end up like this person. He puts on a poker face, but it really really hurts. It's embarassing.
Hijikata: This has really turned into something, hasn't it?
Okita: Your face is really turning into something too, Hijikata-san.
Hijikata: Didn't Yamazaki already die by now?
Okita: Aren't you going to die, too?

Shinsengumi member: Vice-captain!
Hijikata: Huh?
Shinsengumi member: Some information was just reported. It seems both Yamazaki and the Commander are inside.
Hijikata: What are you saying? Oi, oi, I thought that if it was only Yamazaki inside, I could leave him, but if Kondo-san's there too, we can't do that.
Okita: Hijikata-san. I forgot my flute at the headquarters, so I'm gonna go back and get it real quick.
Hijikata: Right, be sure not to come back again. Damn, I'm sick of you guys, it's enough! I'll go alone, so wait there, you bastards.
Shinsengumi member: Hey! Look at that! Something has come out!
Shinsengumi member: What's that?!
Shinsengumi member: It's a cannon! A big ass cannon has come out!
Shinsengumi member: I-Is that the secret weapon they were working on?!
Hijikata: Sougo, I forgot the protractor at the headquarters, so I'm gonna go back and get it real quick.
Okita: Hijikata-san, it's ok. If you want a protractor, I have one right here.

Episode 86: "It is common to lose sleep from being too engrossed by counting sheep."

[At a soba restaurant, Mitsuba fills her bowl of soba with red pepper]
Kondo: Ah, wait, Mitsuba-dono! You shouldn't put so much red pepper! How many times do I have to tell you that it's bad for you?!
Mitsuba: But it tastes so much better!
Kondo: That's not the point! It's definitely bad for your health! It's completely red! Really, there's something wrong with the younger generation's sense of taste. Don't you agree, Toushi?
[Hijikata fills his bowl of soba with mayonnaise.]
Kondo: TOUSHI!! What are you doing?! What's that?! What are you eating?!
Hijikata: This is a flavor IT revolution.
Kondo: What are you saying?! What's that?! Who are you mimicking?!
Kondo: Hey, wait! Mitsuba-dono, don't eat that!
Mitsuba: I want to bring down public health insurance with what I eat!
Kondo: Eh? I don't get it! What is that anyway?!
Hijikata: Inside your mouth, it's rat-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, wonderful.
Kondo: Now who is it?! Hiroko? Masami?! Either way, it's disgusting!
Mitsuba: [giggles]

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