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Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Directed by Danny Leiner
Produced by Greg Shapiro
Written by Jon Hurwitz
Hayden Schlossberg
Starring John Cho
Kal Penn
Neil Patrick Harris
Paula Garcés
Music by David Kitay
Distributed by New Line Cinema
Release date(s) July 30, 2004
Running time 88 minutes
Country United States
Canada
Language English
Budget $9 million
Gross revenue $23,936,908
Followed by Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (released in some countries as Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies) is a 2004 stoner comedy film. The plot revolves around the two pot-smoking title characters, who decide to go to the fast food franchise White Castle after smoking cannabis, but end up on a series of comical misadventures when they cannot find the restaurant.

The film was written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, and directed by Danny Leiner. Starring John Cho (Harold) and Kal Penn (Kumar), it also features appearances by Fred Willard, Paula Garcés, Anthony Anderson, Dan Bochart, Ethan Embry, Jamie Kennedy, Bobby Lee, Christopher Meloni, Ryan Reynolds, Shaun Majumder, David Krumholtz, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Malin Akerman and Neil Patrick Harris (in a parody of himself).

Contents

Plot

Entry level investment banker Harold Lee is taken advantage of by two coworkers, Billy Carver (Ethan Embry) and J.D. (Robert Tinkler), who pour extra work on him so they can enjoy a long weekend. Kumar Patel, Harold's roommate, interviews for medical school admission, although he admits he only does so to please his father, who supports him financially. He is summarily rejected.

Harold is constantly harassed by a group of "extreme sports punks" and unable to express his feelings for his neighbor Maria (Paula Garcés). That evening, after smoking marijuana, Harold and Kumar grow hungry, see a television advertisement for White Castle, and decide to get hamburgers. They discover that the White Castle they planned to visit in New Brunswick was replaced by the inferior "Burger Shack", but are told that there is a White Castle in Cherry Hill.

Kumar begins to "come down" and suggests stopping off at Princeton University to buy some more weed. While smoking a joint on a staircase, a campus security guard (Albert Howell) chases them. They lose the bag of weed Kumar procured, but escape and cause their dealer Bradley (Dov Tiefenbach) to be arrested.

Resuming their journey, Kumar pulls over so he can urinate. He leaves the door open, allowing a raccoon to sneak in. It bites Harold, who believes he has caught rabies and convinces Kumar to take him to the nearest hospital, where Kumar's father (Errol Sitahal) and brother (Shaun Majumder) work. Kumar steals ID badges from his father and brother to obtain medical marijuana, but is mistaken for his brother and performs surgery on a patient, who tells them how to reach White Castle. They are also informed that the hospital does not possess Medical marijuana.

On the road, Kumar spots Maria. He decides to get Maria's attention so Harold can talk to her, but Harold ducks down and pushes the gas pedal, causing the car to spin out of control. The car lands in a ditch, but they are rescued by a God-loving, boil-faced tow-truck driver nicknamed "Freakshow" (Christopher Meloni). He takes them to his house to repair their car and informs them they can make themselves at home and have sex with his wife (Malin Akerman). They have a discussion in which Harold and Kumar agree to receive oral sex from her. Harold begins fondling her breasts when Freakshow comes in. Though he initially forgets his earlier offer, he strips and suggests a foursome, causing the duo to flee to their car.

Harold and Kumar pick up Neil Patrick Harris, who is high on Ecstasy and is hitchhiking after being thrown from a car. They head into a convenience store to receive directions from the store's cashier (Rick Sood). The Extreme Sports Punks show up, damaging the store and harassing the cashier. As Harold and Kumar leave the store, Harris drives away in Harold's car. Harold inadvertently punches a racist police officer and is jailed.

Harold sees Bradley the "business hippie"; Bradley's large bag of weed has been confiscated and his mother takes him home. Harold meets a black professor named Tarik (Gary Anthony Williams), who claims he was arrested by the same officer for being black. After faking a 911 call, Kumar frees Harold. They take Bradley's bag and flee into the nearby woods.

Harold and Kumar encounter an escaped cheetah and ride it after smoking weed with it. Harold is hit by a branch and knocked unconscious. He awakens to find his laptop destroyed. Also, the cheetah took them in the wrong direction and they are lost.

Finding their way out of the woods, Harold and Kumar find a hot dog joint and see their neighbors Goldstein and Rosenberg eating hot dogs and looking happy. Harold decides that he craves that feeling of satisfaction that comes from getting what you want. After another encounter with the sports punks, Harold and Kumar steal their Ford Bronco. A police officer spots the truck and begins pursuing them. They temporarily elude the officer by driving through the woods but are trapped at the edge of a cliff.

Harold is ready to give up, but Kumar makes a speech about their journey and spots the White Castle they have been searching for right below them. They take a hang glider from the truck and use it to reach their destination. Having arrived at White Castle, they place their orders only to discover they have no money due to the police officer stealing Harold's money and Kumar spending his on cannabis. Harris shows up, apologizes for what he did, pays for their meal, returns Harold's car and gives Harold $200 for "love stains made in the back seat".

Kumar realizes that he has always wanted to be a doctor, but was afraid of being one of those "nerdy Indian guys turned doctor." Harold meets his co-workers, who have been partying, and berates them. At their apartment building they encounter Maria in the hallway, waiting for the elevator. Kumar makes Harold ride downstairs with her. In the elevator Harold professes his love for Maria and the two kiss. Unfortunately, she is leaving for a trip to Amsterdam. Kumar convinces Harold to go with him on the next plane to Amsterdam, reminding him that marijuana has been legalized in the Netherlands.

Cast and characters

Release

Box office

In its opening weekend, the film grossed $5,480,378 in 2135 theatres in the United States and Canada. In total it had a worldwide gross of $23,936,908.[1]

Reception

The film was positively received by critics, with a 73% rating at Rotten Tomatoes based on 143 reviews. The consensus is "The likable leads and subversion of racial stereotypes elevate Harold and Kumar above the typical stoner comedy."[2][3]

Home media

The film was released in a theatrical and Unrated edition DVD on January 4, 2005 and was re-released again on April 1, 2008 in an "Extreme Unrated" edition remastered in time for the new sequel, which opened in theatres worldwide April 25, 2008. The film was released on Blu-Ray disc on July 29, 2008 along with the DVD release of Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay.[citation needed]

Sequels

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is the 2008 sequel to White Castle. The movie revolves around Harold and Kumar trying to get to Amsterdam to find Maria, but when Kumar is mistaken for a terrorist on the plane, they are sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Both Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg have announced plans to write and direct a third Harold and Kumar movie, with Greg Shapiro returning as producer, and Kal Penn and John Cho expected to return in their title roles.[4][5] However, this was announced before Penn left his acting career to take a job at the White House.

References

External links


Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
File:Harold & Kumar Go to White
Directed by Danny Leiner
Produced by Greg Shapiro
Written by Jon Hurwitz
Hayden Schlossberg
Starring John Cho
Kal Penn
Neil Patrick Harris
David Krumholtz
Eddie Kaye Thomas
Paula Garcés
Music by David Kitay
Distributed by New Line Cinema
Release date(s) July 30, 2004 (2004-07-30)
Running time 88 minutes
Country United States
Language English
Budget $9 million
Gross revenue $23,936,908
Followed by Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (released in some countries as Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies) is a 2004 stoner film, the first film in the Harold & Kumar series. The film is directed by Danny Leiner and written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg. The story follows Harold Lee and Kumar Patel as they decide to go to the fast food chain White Castle after smoking cannabis, but end up on a series of comical misadventures when they cannot find the restaurant. The film stars John Cho and Kal Penn as Harold Lee and Kumar Patel. The film also stars Fred Willard, Paula Garcés, Anthony Anderson, Dan Bochart, Ethan Embry, Jamie Kennedy, Bobby Lee, Christopher Meloni, Ryan Reynolds, Shaun Majumder, David Krumholtz, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Malin Åkerman and Neil Patrick Harris.

Contents

Plot

Entry level investment royal banker Harold Lee (John Cho) is taken advantage of by coworkers Billy Carver (Ethan Embry) and J.D. (Robert Tinkler), who give him extra work so they can enjoy a long weekend. Kumar Patel (Kal Penn), Harold's roommate, interviews for medical school admission; despite being an ideal candidate, he prefers getting high and enjoying himself. He attends the interview to please his father and is rejected when he answers his cell phone and talks about getting high with Harold in front of the dean.

Harold is constantly harassed by "extreme sports punks" and unable to express his feelings for his neighbor Maria (Paula Garcés). That evening, after smoking marijuana, Harold and Kumar grow hungry, notice a television advertisement for White Castle, and decide to get hamburgers. They discover that the White Castle they planned to visit in New Brunswick was replaced by the inferior "Burger Shack", but are told there is a White Castle in Cherry Hill.

Kumar begins to "come down" and suggests stopping at Princeton University to buy weed. While Kumar negotiates to buy marijuana from a hippie named Bradley (Dov Tiefenbach), two attractive female students approach the dealer. Kumar flirts with them and they give him their dorm room number. Harold and Kumar smoke a joint in a stairwell but are discovered by a campus security guard (Albert Howell). While hiding in the women' bathroom, they overhear the girls Kumar met earlier complaining that they have indigestion and are going to have "taco shits". They enter stalls on either side of Harold and Kumar and play a game they call "Battleshits", which involves them farting to sink each other's ships. Harold and Kumar hastily leave the bathroom, losing the bag of weed and causing Bradley to be arrested.

Resuming their journey, Kumar pulls over to urinate. He leaves the door open, allowing a raccoon to sneak in. It bites Harold, who believes he has caught rabies and convinces Kumar to take him to the nearest hospital, where Kumar's father (Errol Sitahal) and brother (Shaun Majumder) work. Kumar steals ID badges from his father and brother to obtain medical marijuana, but is mistaken for his brother and performs surgery on a gunshot victim. The patient tells them how to reach White Castle. They learn that the hospital does not possess medical marijuana.

On the road, Kumar spots Maria. He decides to get her attention so Harold can talk to her, but Harold ducks down and pushes the gas pedal, causing the car to spin out of control. The car lands in a ditch, but they are rescued by Randy (Christopher Meloni), a God-loving, boil-faced tow-truck driver (nicknamed "Freakshow"). He takes them to his house to repair their car and tells them they can make themselves at home and have sex with his wife (Malin Åkerman). Harold and Kumar talk with Freakshow's wife and agree to receive oral sex from her. Harold begins fondling her breasts when Freakshow comes in. After he suggests a foursome Harold and Kumar flee to their car.

While driving off, Kumar notices a hitchhiker on the side of the road, so he decides to stop for him. Harold insists that they not do so, but Kumar let's the stranger in, revealing to be none other than Neil Patrick Harris (Neil Patrick Harris), who is high on Ecstasy and hitchhiking after being thrown from a car. They head into a convenience store to get directions. The Extreme Sports Punks arrive, damaging the store and harassing the cashier. As Harold and Kumar leave, Harris drives away in Harold's car. Harold inadvertently punches a racist police officer and is arrested.

In jail Harold sees Bradley; Bradley's weed is confiscated and his mother takes him home. Harold meets a black professor named Tarik (Gary Anthony Williams), who claims he was arrested by the same officer for being black. After faking a 911 call, Kumar frees Harold. They take Bradley's bag and flee into the woods.

Harold and Kumar encounter an escaped cheetah and ride it after smoking weed with it. Harold is hit by a branch and knocked unconscious. He awakens to find his laptop destroyed. Finding their way out of the woods, Harold and Kumar find a hot dog joint and see their neighbors Goldstein and Rosenberg eating hot dogs and looking happy. Harold decides that he wants the feeling of satisfaction that comes from getting what you want. After another encounter with the sports punks, Harold and Kumar steal their Ford Bronco. A police officer spots the truck and pursues them. They briefly elude the officer but are trapped at the edge of a cliff.

Harold is ready to give up, but Kumar makes a speech about their journey and spots the White Castle they have been searching for below them. They take a hang glider from the truck and use it to reach their destination. They place their orders only to discover they have no money. Harris shows up, apologizes for what he did, pays for their meal, returns Harold's car and gives Harold $200 for "love stains made in the back seat".

Kumar realizes he wants to be a doctor, but is afraid of conforming to the stereotype of Indians becoming doctors. Harold encounters his co-workers and berates them for leaving their work to him. At their apartment building they encounter Maria in the hallway, waiting for the elevator. Harold professes his love for her and they kiss. Unfortunately, she is leaving to visit Amsterdam. Kumar convinces Harold to go with him to Amsterdam, reminding him that marijuana is legal in the Netherlands.

Cast and characters

Release

Box office

In its opening weekend, the film grossed $5,480,378 in 2135 theatres in the United States and Canada. In total it had a worldwide gross of $23,936,908.[1]

The film was positively received by critics, with a 73% rating at Rotten Tomatoes based on 143 reviews. The consensus is "The likable leads and subversion of racial stereotypes elevate Harold and Kumar above the typical stoner comedy."[2][3]

Home media

The film was released on VHS and in a theatrical and Unrated edition DVD on January 4, 2005 and was re-released again on April 1, 2008 in an "Extreme Unrated" edition remastered in time for the new sequel, which opened in theatres worldwide April 25, 2008. The film was released on Blu-Ray disc on July 29, 2008 along with the DVD release of Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.[citation needed]

Sequels

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is the 2008 sequel to White Castle. The movie revolves around Harold and Kumar trying to get to Amsterdam to find Maria, but when Kumar is mistaken for a terrorist on the plane, they are sent to Guantanamo Bay detention camp.

Both Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg have announced plans to write and direct a third Harold and Kumar movie, with Greg Shapiro returning as producer, and Kal Penn and John Cho expected to return in their title roles.[4][5]

Kal Penn has left his White House job to star in the movie A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas 3D.[citation needed]

References

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle is a 2004 film about buttoned up Harold and laid back Kumar who are stoners who want to get food at a White Castle Burgers joint, which becomes a perilous journey full of strange obstacles.

Directed by Danny Leiner. Written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg.
Fast Food. High Times.

Contents

Kumar Patel

  • Congratu-fuckin'-lations!
  • Thank you, come again.
  • Dude, am I going deaf or did he just say we could fuck his wife?
  • Roldy! Roldy! Dude, you gotta come quick. There's these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us! [total silence] I mean--duh--that there are these two lovely young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and I.
  • [in dream, spits at a bag of marijuana after it makes a bad cup of coffee] Bitch! Learn how to fuckin' make coffee, you fucking whore!
  • Shotgun anus!
  • [after falling on the ground, holding his head] Ow-w-w! My ass!
  • So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.
  • Hey, asshole, why don't you leave that guy alone and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something?
  • Just because you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.
  • Hello-o-o-o, New Brunswick!
  • She touch your penis?

Harold Lee

  • [to Maria in elevator, after seeing luggage at her feet] Sure got a lotta baggage.
  • [about to ride cheetah] This is either a really smart move or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried.
  • Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?
  • I'll tell these girls how you both got gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

Freakshow

  • Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
  • It's gonna take me a while to fix up your car there, so if you boys like, you can go on inside, get yourselves something to drink, warsh up, fuck my wife, watch TV - anything you want. Mi casa mi su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do.
  • Who wants first reach-around?
  • Hey Randy! What? The devil! Whuh? The devil is everywhere...
  • I was goin down to Georgia, gonna get myself baptized, gon get myself baptized in the bussom of the Lord.

Mean Tollbooth Guy

  • Hey, move your ass!
  • Move, you fucking twat!
  • Move, you retarded cocksucker! Move!

Others

  • Male Nurse: [wiping Kumar's lips with a little too much admiration] Soft, chocolate lips.
  • Extreme Sports Punk #1: Dude, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not so extreme and 10 being extremely extreme, I give this a 9.5!
  • Extreme Sports Punk #1: Wo-o-o! Extreme Cheddar!
  • Officer Palumbo: "Koomar"; what is that, like five O's and two U's?
  • Officer Palumbo: Bullets--my only weakness! How did you know?
  • Goldstein: This movie makes no sense. She's possessed, she's not possessed; that rack had better be stacked. Oh! Tits! Those aren't real. Yes, they are!
  • Cole: Extreme kayaking!
  • Clarissa: Damn! You sank my battle-shit!
  • Rosenberg: Boobies, boobies, boobies!
  • Female Anchor: Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate (Image shows racial characterizations of an asian and an indian).
  • Officer Palumbo: I'm not a fucking racist, okay?! You motherfucker, so run away, and those black motherfuckers won't get away with this, okay?! So you can suck my cock!

Dialogue

J.D.: Billy boy! Get your ass ready. It's almost 5:00 and this bad boy needs to get his drink on. No, no, no. Give me that.
Billy Carver: Don't.
J.D.: I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
Billy Carver: Stop that.

Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

Kumar: To be honest, I'm only doing this interview so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I have no desire to go to med school.
Doctor: But you have perfect MCAT scores.
Kumar: Yeah, and just because your hung like a moose, doesn't mean you gotta do porn.
Doctor: Get out! Berta show this man the door and bring me some fresh diarrhea--, dry towels!

Harold: So what are you in here for?
Jackson: For being black.
Harold: Seriously?
Jackspn: I am serious. You wanna know what happened? I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, and a cop stops me. Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark. I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." So he starts beating me with his gun, telling me to stop resisting arrest.
Harold: Holy shit, what'd you do?
Jackson: I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. Now please stop beating me."
Harold: I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Jackson: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.

[cops left moments earlier to check out a shooting in Millbrook Park]
Kumar: [from inside a heating duct at the police station, where Harold is in jail] Rold? Is that you?
Harold: Kumar?
Kumar: Hey, are the cops still here?
Harold: What the hell are you doing?
Kumar: I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Harold: Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?!
Kumar: I'm fucking starving! I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

Kumar: [sniffs] Hey, what's that smell?
Harold: What smell? Kumar.
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you--?
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!

Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Jacksom: Aw, shit.
[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]
Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Jackson: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Officer Reilly: Secure the book!
Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth [book is on human rights] in here?! What is this shit?!

Harold: I want that.
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling!
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: Yes! Yes! I knew you had it in you dude!

Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy!
Harold: Huh?
Neil Patrick Harris: It's a fucking sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?

Harold: Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?
Kumar: Yes. I think he did.
Harold: [starts screaming] You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?!
Kumar: Dude, I thought Neil Patrick Harris was a stand up guy! How was I supposed to know he'd fuck us over?

Harold: Dude, where's my car?
Kumar: Where's his car, dude?

Kumar: Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.

Kumar: [walks up to a bush and starts peeing] Ahh.
[Creepy Guy walks up out of nowhere and starts peeing right next to him]
Kumar: 'Scuse me, I just--
Creepy Guy: Huh?!
Kumar: I have to ask you, why'd you--wha--wha--why are you peeing right here?
Creepy Guy: What?
Kumar: I mean... why'd you pee right next to me when you could like, choose that bush, or--?
Creepy Guy: Well, this bush looked like I should pee on it. Why are you peeing on it?
Kumar: Well, no one was here when I chose this bush.
Creepy Guy: Oh, so you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh?
Kumar: No, it's just--I just--
Creepy Guy: This your bush? You have a special bond with this bush?
Kumar: No, I just thought that--
Creepy Guy: You the king of the forest?
Kumar: I'm sorry?
Creepy Guy: What? You fuckin' tree-hugger. Is this your special bush?!
Kumar: Never mind. Forget it, I really don't feel like gettin' stabbed tonight.
[they pee in silence for a bit]
Creepy Guy: [quietly] Nice pubes.
Kumar: [pauses, creeped out] Thanks.

[Kumar is licking Harold to wake him up]
Harold: What the fuck are you doing?! God!
Kumar: Well, you were out cold, I figured if I started doing some gay shit you'd wake up.
Harold: Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, I got some bad news and some worse news.
Harold: Okay, give me the worse news first.
Kumar: I was looking at some of the roadsigns, and it looks like the cheetah took us in a completely different direction.
Harold: What's the bad news?
Kumar: Your laptop's completely destroyed.
Harold: [shouts] What? How is that not the worse news!?
Kumar: [calmly] Well, the laptop situation really only affects you, where as the White Castle situation affects us both equally.

Dr. Patel: I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off.
Kumar: Dad, come on.
Dr. Patel: Daddy is not coming on anything!

Kumar: I can't believe you were gonna ditch for the Joy Luck Club, dude. You know what their parties are like.
Harold: C'mon, what did you want me to say? I was under pressure.
Kumar: Just say no. That's all it takes.
Kumar: Here.
[hands Harold the joint]
Kumar: Take a hit of that.

Rosenberg: I think Kumar's a "fay-gele".
Goldstein: Oh, they're totally gay for each other.
Rosenberg: Hey, you wanna suck on this?
[offers Goldstein a marijuana smoking device]
Goldstein: Uh-huh. Mmm.

Extreme Sports Punk #1: Dude, that was so not extreme!
Cole: I know, Extreme Sports Punk Number One... I know.

Hippie Student: [Kumar trying to buy pot] Here, that's sixt--80 bucks.
Kumar: 80 bucks?
Hippie Student: Yeah, 80 bucks.
Kumar: Yo, this is worth 40 tops bro!
Hippie Student: Bro? I'm not your bro, bro. Okay, and that's 80 bucks. You don't feel like getting high tonight? If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time.
Kumar: What kind of a hippie are you?
Hippie Student: What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie, I understand the concept of supply and demand.

Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!

Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: Come on, dude. Just take one hit. Don't you wanna be cool?
I'm So High Kid: [takes drag of joint, makes a womanly cough sound]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: Hey, man, what are you doin'?
I'm So High Kid: I'm so high!
[laughs]
I'm So High Kid: Nothing can hurt me.
[puts pump-action rifle in mouth and pulls trigger]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: No-o-o!
Announcer: Marijuana kills.
Harold and Kumar crack up laughing
Kumar: I love that shit!

Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the fuck outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: Fuck you.
Kumar: Fuck you.

Burger Shack Employee: Bingo! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one, just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! [starts destroying stuff] Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! [calms down] So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.

[Harold and Kumar just decided to go to White Castle at a Burger Shack drive-thru]

Burger Shack Employee: Wise choice. Beause you guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [Smirks] Semen.
Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Harold: Are those my scissors?! Dude, I trim my noise hair with those!
Kumar: Dude, I have been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months.

[Harold stares at Kumar in shock and disbelief]


Harold: [riding a cheetah] Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?
Kumar: Both.

Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching "The Gift". Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl, and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass--you have no idea!
Rosenberg: Argh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.
Rosenberg: Touché.

Dr. Willoughby: Do you actually believe that after the way you've just behaved that I would even consider recommending you for admission?
Kumar: No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have a desire to go to med school.
Dr. Willoughby: But you have perfect MCAT scores!
Kumar: Yeah, just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Harold: I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man.
Kumar: Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries.

Harold: I want 30 sliders, 5 french fries, and 4 large cherry cokes.
Kumar: I want the same except make mine diet cokes.

Harold: Back off cock boy, what I said him goes double for you.
J.D.: Cock boy? You just call me cock boy?
Harold: Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling 'cause you're not quick enough to think of a comeback.
J.D.: You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I am quick enough... Cock boy! (raises index finger in sad attempt to flip Harold off)

Kumar: I forgot my cell phone.
Harold: You wanna run back and get it?
[both turn and look at their front door 20 feet from them]
Kumar: No, we've gone too far.

Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here, how 'bout a four-some?

Harold: Do you know the show Doogie Howser, M.D.?
Officer Palumbo: Great show. God I love that show. Doogie.
Harold: Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight.
Officer Palumbo: Hey! NPH wouldn't do that!

Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Kumar: Nice!

Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana? But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.

Officer Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o's or two u's?
Kumar: No, it's actually one "u".
Officer Palumbo: Yeah, bullshit.

Kumar: [whispering] Dude, look at that boil on his neck, it's pulsating!
Harold: [whispering] Shut up, dude. He probably heard what you just said.
Kumar: [whispering] No, he can't. Look at it now! Pus is coming out!
Harold: [looks at Freakshow's neck] Ugh!
Kumar: [whispering] Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?
Harold: [whispering] Just shut up! He's right next to me. He can hear me talking to you He probably heard this whole conversation!
Kumar: [whispering] No, he didn't. He can't hear anything with all that crust in his ear.
[Long awkward pause]
Freakshow: [low voice]] I heard everything you said.
[Later, at Freakshow's house]
Freakshow: It's gonna take me awhile to fix your car...so if you want, you can go inside, get something to drink, wash up, fuck my wife.

Kumar: So where you going to go now, Neil?
Neil Patrick Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me!

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