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Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Title card
Format Animated series
Created by Michael Ouweleen
Erik Richter
(based on characters created by Hanna-Barbera)
Starring Gary Cole
Stephen Colbert
Peter MacNicol
John Michael Higgins
Thomas Allen
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 4
No. of episodes 39 (List of episodes)
Running time 12 minutes (30 minutes for the last episode)
Original channel Adult Swim
Original run December 30, 2000 (2000-12-30) – July 22, 2007 (2007-07-22)

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law is an American animated television series comedy created by Williams Street and produced by Cartoon Network Studios that aired on Cartoon Network during its Adult Swim late night programming block. It is one of four spin-offs of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. The series' pilot first aired in 2000, and later became a series in 2001.[1] The show revolves around the activity of the Sebben & Sebben law firm, which is staffed mainly by superheroes and other characters who had originally been featured in 1960s-era Hanna-Barbera cartoons, most notably Birdman and the Galaxy Trio. The series had its final episode on July 22, 2007.The show also screens in Australia on The Comedy Channel as part of the channel's adult swim block of programming.



Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law features ex-superhero Harvey T. Birdman of Birdman and the Galaxy Trio as an attorney working for a law firm alongside other cartoon stars from 1960s and 1970s Hanna-Barbera cartoon series. Similarly, Harvey's clients are also primarily composed of characters taken from Hanna-Barbera cartoon series of the same era. Many of Birdman's nemeses featured in his former cartoon series also became attorneys, often representing the opposing side of a given case.

Harvey usually fills the role of a criminal defense attorney, though he will act as a civil litigator or other such job when the plot calls for it. The series uses a surrealist style of comedy, featuring characters, objects, and jokes that are briefly introduced and rarely (if ever) referenced thereafter. Also, because the series relies heavily on pop culture references to classic television animation, Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law constantly delves into parody, even featuring clips of these series or specially-created scenes which mimic the distinctive style of the animation being referenced.[2] Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law is the first Williams Street cartoon to maintain continuity through the entire series. Various episodes reference Harvey's (or another superhero's) former crimefighting career. The episode "Turner Classic Birdman" even serves to bridge the gap between Birdman and the Galaxy Trio and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.[citation needed]

Instead of rigid plot structure, much of the humor is derived from the fact that superheroes and supervillains are given more realistic and human qualities, such as a mad scientist named Dr. Myron Reducto, who becomes a paranoid prosecutor. Also, several of the plots revolve around the popular myths about classic Hanna-Barbera characters, such as Shaggy and Scooby-Doo being stoners.

Although the first season was animated using traditional cel animation, the remaining seasons were animated using Adobe Flash. The reason for the switch was that the animation studio was having difficulty maintaining the fast pace of the show, and thus the production of episodes slowed down due to constant retakes. By animating the series at Turner Studios in Atlanta, Georgia with Flash, not only were problems corrected faster, but production costs were much lower.[citation needed] Some animation was also done for the show at Bardel Entertainment in Vancouver, British Columbia.[citation needed]


Main characters

  • Harvey Birdman starred in the Hanna-Barbera show Birdman and the Galaxy Trio in the 1960s (his alter ego from that show, Ray Randal, is not mentioned, though if you look closely in the opening credits you can find it hidden). He gets strength and power from sunlight, and grows weak if kept away from the sun for too long. His superpowers include flight (though he would often forget about it), the ability to create a shield of solid light, and the ability to shoot destructive energy beams from his fists. These powers are thought to stem from the crest on his helmet, though Harvey isn't entirely sure of the crest's true role in his powers. He has since retired from his superhero job and is now working for the law firm of Sebben & Sebben. Harvey is 6'6", and has large wings growing out of his back, genetically inherited from his father. His clients consist of other Hanna-Barbera characters of the past and present.
  • Avenger, a large purple eagle, is Harvey's old sidekick, who now serves as his legal secretary. Avenger sits on a perch on Harvey's desk, and sleeps in a canary cage in the office at night. Avenger's tasks usually involve taking dictation or filing. Avenger is badly hindered by his inability to speak, even though it is clear that he can understand, or at least perceive the meaning in, the speech of other characters. Avenger can type and write English by claw, and Harvey seems to understand every "caw" he says.
  • Peanut was hired by Harvey to be his legal clerk; this character is modeled after Birdboy, who appeared in several episodes of the original Birdman cartoon. Unlike Birdman, Peanut's powers are not biological; his wings are mechanical, and his shield and energy beams come from "power bands" on his wrists. In most cases, he is unnervingly cool and calculated, often in extreme contrast to the goings-on around him, but can often be seen working behind the scenes towards uncertain or explicitly seedy ends, often sexual in nature, involving female clients, or females associated with clients, of Harvey. He sports a pink and green sweater-vest and often speaks in a hushed and whispered tone. He has an ongoing rivalry/partnership with Avenger where they dig a large hole in the middle of Harvey's office or play Foozball, bombing Harvey in his sleep with a toy plane (though the bombs were real), and even assembling a depth charge in the office, together. He speaks Japanese, Spanish, and French. First appearance: "Shaggy Busted."
  • Phil Ken Sebben is the deranged president (he once suggested to increase the company's profits by convincing his staff to sell opium) and co-founder of the law firm Sebben & Sebben. In the original Birdman series, Phil's character was code-named 'Falcon Seven.' His name in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law is a play on these words (Falcon Seven = Phil Ken Sebben). He is recognizable by his blonde hair, an eyepatch, and a dark suit. He co-founded the firm with twin brother Bill when they were twenty-six years old (they were distinguishable by the fact their eyepatches are on opposite eyes). He has a habit of laughing whenever he says a double entendre or a non sequitur, followed by a short joke. For instance, his arm seems to have been turned backwards after falling off a building. Once he gets up, Phil asks a passerby "Hey lady, I need a yank. Ha ha, Dislocation." He has numerous vision problems; it is implied that he is blind in the eye not covered by his eyepatch, and he states that he "sees everything 3 feet to the left" of where they really are, and must account for this fact. Said partial blindness causes him to kill Birdman in the series finale by hitting him with a bus, which crashes into a building. He confirms this by showing everyone Birdman's blood, causing everyone to laugh, as most episodes end. He is voiced by Stephen Colbert. First appearance: "Death By Chocolate."
  • Peter Potamus works at the law firm of Sebben & Sebben as a lawyer. The former star of Peter Potamus, he has taken the role of annoying co-worker, as well as an accomplished lecher and glutton. He often uses the catch phrase, "Did you get that thing I sent you?" He takes this catchphrase to a personal level (he gets upset when someone doesn't get the thing) and to almost a spiritual level (whenever he is portrayed as a god, the catchphrase is almost the whole focus of the religion). Potamus is often unexpectedly caught mating with women in the office, often on a desk, followed usually by a quick "What the-", or the occasional "Mein Gott," German for "My God." He has a love/hate relationship with Judy Ken Sebben, and later in the series he acquired the ability to transform into the savage "Incredible Hippo" when angrily provoked. He had fingers up until late in season 3, after which they were replaced by flat, fingerless hands. First appearance: "Deadomutt, Part 1."
  • Myron Reducto is an attorney at Freezoid, Zarog & Skon, and is one of Harvey's most common courtroom opponents, as well as one of Birdman's closest friends. He is a small man with green-tinged skin, and brandishes a raygun that shrinks its target. He is highly obsessive compulsive about items smaller than he (Atom Ant and Inch High Private Eye for example) and usually responds with "BACK OFF" and using his Shrink Gun to ward them off. He is also prone to occasional paranoid and/or conspiracy theorist monologues, again about people who are smaller than he is. One example of this is in the "Bird Cage" (a bar Harvey and his friends go to) when while talking to Harvey he states that "there is no government, just a couple of multinational corporations that own everything". He drives a new Mini Cooper. He is also voiced by Stephen Colbert, as seen in the show's credits. First appearance: "Very Personal Injury."
  • Judge Mentok the Mind-Taker is a former enemy of Birdman, but now is a court judge who often hears his cases. He has various psychic powers including: teleportation, telepathy, hypnotism, precognition, and telekinesis—all referred to as "mind taking"—but he rarely uses them for anything beyond sophomoric mischief. He has been given the personality of a cocky and flamboyant stage magician; because of this, he often predicts the result of the cases he presides over before they have even started. Indeed, he often appears bored during trial; an expressionless look with his head resting in his hands. He often makes an entrance, such as appearing in a cloud of smoke or from a bolt of lightning. Mentok's gavel is a brain on a handle, which squishes when struck. He also seems to enjoy patronizing people such as Inch High Private Eye and especially the courtroom's bailiff, while the bailiff usually just ignores him and stares forward with a blank expression. During his time on Earth, Mentok has worked as a mufti, a genie, a sex trade worker, a Cossack, and an E.S.T. instructor. His main catch phrase is "Booweeoop" to give the impression of eerie sci-fi theremin music and is said whilst moving his hands around in a circular motion often when 'Mind Taking'. It has also been implied in several episodes that he is a cannabis user. First appearance: "Shoyu Weenie."

Recurring characters

  • Judy Ken Sebben is Phil's daughter. Upon meeting Harvey, she professes an immediate interest in his work, dressing up as "Birdgirl" and attempting to secure a position as his sidekick. When she is in costume, she is constantly hit on by Phil, who does not realize that they are related. She is prone to making monologues about her secret identity when she undergoes an internal crisis, often failing to realize that others are within earshot. The monologues, however, are never noticed. Near the end of the series, after Phil is seemingly killed by a bus, she takes control of the law firm. First appearance: "Birdgirl of Guantanamole"
  • Judge Hiram Mightor was a Hanna-Barbera superhero of the Sixties known as Mighty Mightor, one who lived in prehistoric times and got his powers from a magic club. He dresses in traditional judge's robes and wig. He is the subject of several recurring themes such as his mispronunciation of Harvey's last name (such as Mr. Bumnuts) and coughing up objects relevant to the trials he presides over. Whenever a double entendre is made about male genitalia, there is a cutaway to Mightor swinging a long, thin object around and saying "Deedle deedle dee." First appearance: "Bannon Custody Battle."'
  • The Bailiff is the court's bailiff. His main function is to announce the arrival of the judge, and Mentok in particular often has the Bailiff announce him in a particularly grand fashion. Often picked on by Mentok who is shown at one stage explaining to The Bailiff the importance of mind taking. First appearance: "Shoyu Weenie."
  • The Bear is a character who is constantly shown, but never speaks. He usually shows up when the characters are laughing at the end of the episode. First appearance: "Very Personal Injury".
  • X the Eliminator is an enemy of Birdman's who was originally commissioned by the organization F.E.A.R. to kill Birdman and bring the crest as proof; in this series, X does in fact suggest killing Birdman, which F.E.A.R. reacts to with surprise. His failure to do so has, over several decades, turned him into a stalking fanatic with a love/hate relationship with Birdman, despite the fact Birdman had completely forgotten about him until meeting him once after becoming a lawyer. X's tool of choice is an ungainly silver death console with a telescoping laser emitter that uses obsolete vacuum tube technology. It takes so long to recharge, Harvey has time to escape. He once had a camera in Harvey's office but Harvey destroyed it shortly after realising it was there (it was only seen once as a gag). X sometimes arrives at Harvey's office to destroy him, but tends to be thwarted by inattentive office personnel. According to the credits of the episode of his first appearance, one of the voiced characters is known as "X's Wife". Other evidence seems to suggest he lives with his close friend Zardo as well. First appearance: "X, the Exterminator."
  • Apache Chief is a small-time superhero and former member of the Super Friends, whose power is enlarging himself to immense size. Apache Chief once hired Harvey to represent him in a case where he spilled hot coffee on himself and burned his genitals, losing the ability to enlarge. From then on, he appears in various episodes with a deep fear of coffee. As a fellow third-string superhero, Harvey often comes to Apache for advice such as having him talk to Peanut about going through "superty". First appearance: "Very Personal Injury."
  • Black Vulcan is a small-time superhero who was once a member of the Super Friends. His power is that of lightning, which he sums up as, "Pure electricity... in my pants." He used to insist upon being called "Super Volt," but has since accepted "Black Vulcan" as his super-moniker, although he insists he got the name because of racism. In most of his appearances, he or another character says some variation on the phrase, "In my pants." One example of this is in "X the eliminator" when Harvey's powers are returned from X's death console, and he yells "the energy of the sun has returned to me!". The energy beam that returned his energy was aimed into his pants (Harvey's groin area starts glowing). Prompting Black Vulcan to say "in his pants". First appearance: "Very Personal Injury."
  • Zardo is a former enemy of Birdman, having relented his criminal ways apparently to be a home-maker and best friend of X the Eliminator. He has a mace in place of a left hand, is never seen without his bullet-shaped helmet (through which only his eyes can be seen), and speaks with a German accent. Although he does his best to assist X, he is frequently annoyed by the fact X considers himself "alone". First appearance: "X, the Exterminator."
  • Vulturo is a former enemy of Birdman, but now he is a rival lawyer. He speaks with a slight german accent, wears a bird mask on his head, and has a hangout that is based on the Batcave. One time he had Avenger as a sidekick, but he decided to fire him. First appearance: "Bannon Custody Battle"
  • Evelyn Spyro Throckmorton is a lawyer who often represents against Birdman. He argues his cases with a decidedly thespian flair, often casting himself in re-enactments of pertinent scenes.

Minor characters

  • Alexander the Bartender is the man behind the counter at The Birdcage, a bar Harvey frequents with his friends. Oddly, he appears to be a former agent of F.E.A.R., an organization that was determined to destroy Birdman in his superhero days. First appearance: "Very Personal Injury."
  • Mr. Fezz is a man from somewhere around Saudi Arabia. He is a short bald man, wearing a red fez, a pink vest, and white pants. He usually steals Harvey's office supplies. First appearance: "Grape Juiced."
  • Professor Elliott Taggart the Deadly Duplicator is a villain from Birdman's superhero days who continues to be his enemy. First seen (in this series) in the background during Murro the Marauder's civil suit against Harvey, Elliott later became a recurring character who's determined to destroy Birdman. He is voiced by Lewis Black. First appearances: "Harvey's Civvy" (non-speaking cameo), "Identity Theft" (speaking role).
  • M!!!butu Junior is M!!!butu's son. He is identical to M!!!butu, but is slightly shorter. He is a master of voodoo arts and is quite nifty with a blow dart. According to Phil, he doesn't understand English. First appearance: "Grape Juiced."


Cast and crew

Main cast

Name Character(s)
Gary Cole Harvey Birdman
Hiram Mightor
Stephen Colbert Phil Ken Sebben
Myron Reducto
Peter MacNicol X the Eliminator
Thomas Allen Peanut
John Michael Higgins Mentok the Mindtaker
Grape Ape
Joe Alaskey Peter Potamus (first)
Chris Edgerly Peter Potamus (second)
Mr. Finkerton
The Funky Phantom
Tinker, Yakky Doodle (in "Grape Juiced")
Augie Doggie
Cumulus the Storm King
Captain Caveman
Fancy Fancy
Debi Mae West Gigi
Maurice LaMarche Azul Falcone
Stan Freezoid
Apache Chief
Fred Flintstone
Yogi Bear
Der Spuzmacher
Inch High
Speed Buggy
Doggie Daddy
Quick Draw McGraw
Wally Gator
Morocco Mole
Garok, Cavey Jr.
Magilla Gorilla
Mr. Peebles
Benny the Ball
Dum Dum
Atom Ant
Grey DeLisle Debbie
Daphne Blake
Dr. Gale Melody
Michael McKean Evelyn Spyro Throckmorton
Neil Ross Vulturo
Dr. Benton Quest
Ding-A-Ling Wolf
Phil LaMarr Black Vulcan
Matt Peccini The Bear
Paget Brewster Birdgirl

Guest appearances


Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law was named the 91st best animated series by IGN. They compared it to Space Ghost Coast to Coast, a show that is also based on an old Hanna Barbara cartoon, and calls it a clever show.[3]

DVD releases

DVD name Release date Ep # Additional information
Volume One April 12, 2005 13 This two-disc box-set contains the first thirteen episodes of the show ("Bannon Custody Battle" through "High Speed Buggy Chase") in production order, along with commentaries on selected episodes, deleted scenes, and other special features. A Region 2 version is to be released on November 3. The color of the DVD box art is purple.
Volume Two October 10, 2006 13 This two-disc box-set contains the next thirteen episodes of the show ("Back to the Present" through "Evolutionary War") in production order, along with commentaries on nine episodes, additional footage and other special features. The colour of the DVD box art is blue.
Volume Three July 24, 2007 13 This two-disc box-set contains the final thirteen episodes of the show ("Turner Classic Birdman" through "The Death of Harvey") in production order, along with special features. The color of the DVD box art is black.

Each DVD is in the shape of a law book, each season's box art is nearly identical, the only change for each season is the background color (Season 1 is brown-purple, Season 2 is blue and Season 3 is black), the small picture next to the title, and the title itself also appears different.


The theme song is an edited version of the song "Slow Moody Blues" written by R. Tilsley.

Video game

A video game based on the series has been released for the PlayStation 2[4], Wii[5] and PlayStation Portable[6] video game consoles.

It was developed by High Voltage Software (developers of The Conduit) and published by Capcom, with gameplay mechanics similar to Capcom's Ace Attorney trial simulation series. It was released on January 8 2008.

See also


External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law is a comedic television animated series that airs on Cartoon Network during its Adult Swim late night programming block.



EP01 - Bannon Custody Battle

Dr. Quest: Well, I've got a rather serious problem. You see my longtime partner is challenging me for custody of my boys.
Harvey: How long has she-
Dr. Quest: He
[Avenger and Harvey freeze, and their eyes widen.]
Dr. Benton Quest: He's my traveling companion. We go on adventures together in steamy jungles and the like.

Debbie: [on intercom] That was the ornithologist. The results were negative.
Harvey: Thank you.

Mightor: State your first name, your last name, and your occupation.
Lizardman: Lizardman, Lizardman, and Lizardman.

Harvey Birdman: Dr. Quest, tell us a little about your relationship with...
Dr. Benton Quest: Well, Race and I met one night...
Harvey Birdman: [gritted teeth] With your boys!

Harvey Birdman: I want you to know that your father loves you both very much.
Jonny Quest: But he throws like a girl.
Harvey Birdman: So did Martina Navratilova, but that doesn't mean she wasn't macho in many other important ways.

Harvey: Yes your Honor?
Mightor: Your closing statements...

Dr. Quest: Since I know he'll never do it himself, I'm gonna step right up and toot Mr. Birdman's horn.
[Harvey backs up, uncomfortable]
Dr. Quest: Way to go, Harvey.
[Bandit barks, and is picked up by a swooping Avenger]
Dr. Quest: You too Bandit
[Everybody laughs. Dr. Quest pats Harvey's butt and he stops.]

Harvey Birdman: Avenger, call Doctor Quest.
Avenger: CAW!

EP02 - Very Personal Injury

[Apache Chief walks into a Javalux, out of view of the audience]
Apache Chief: Coffee please
Javalux Employee: All right. That'll be $1.87. [pause] Sorry, Chief. No credit cards. It seems some idiot ripped our telephone pole out of the ground.
Apache Chief: Oh, I... I think I have change.
[coffee spills]
Apache Chief: Ah! My lap!

Apache Chief: Well I saved the town the other day.. and anyway, I saved the town. And anyway, afterwards I thought, "Man, a.. a coffee would be nice." But I spilled it on my... lap
Harvey: Uh-huh.
Apache Chief: And, wow, it was hot... on my lap.
Harvey: I'll bet.
Apache Chief: Hotness. Crotch. Ouch.
Harvey: Yeah, I... ohhhh! Are you trying to say...?
Apache Chief: I... can no longer... enlarge.
Harvey: Ugh!
[crosses his legs and winces a few moments]
Harvey: Ugh! Let's all go to the mountains! Oh! [composes himself] I'll take the case!... Not even first thing in the morning? You know... little neeneeneeneeneey?

Harvey: When I say the word "superhero", what names come to mind? Wonder Woman. Aquaman. Superman. Birdman. These are names...
Juror: Uh, excuse me, I don't think of Birdman.
Harvey: Not my point...

Reducto: Back off! I've got a shrink gun. Who touched my ankle? Gun! Do you think I dont see? You dont think I feel your eyes like grubby little fingers, little children's fingers on my body? Back off! I will make you teensy.

[Reducto's opening statement]
Reducto: What kind of stinking superhero loses his powers to a cup of coffee in the crotch? That's all I have.

Harvey: Mr Vulcan, tell us about your superpower.
Black Vulcan: Pure electricity... in my pants.
Harvey: Tell us, what would life be like without your powers?
Black Vulcan: Well, you know when the power goes out in your house? It would be like that... but in your pants.

Harvey: You stated that you had express knowledge of one of the more familiar Superfriend's whereabouts - a Wonder Woman, I believe?
Zan: Um, that's correct. Uh, she was at home.
Harvey: Any idea why she wouldn't have answered the town's distress call?
Zan: Well, she said she really needed some, "me time." So she unplugged her communicator and... and took a bath.
Harvey: How do you happen to know this?
Zan: I was... I, I was the bathwater.
Zan: [his face visible in the water as Wonder Woman washes her leg] Form of a washrag!

Reducto: Do you want to be shrunk? No one wants to be shrunk, that's the point! It's a shrink gun! Back off!
Harvey: Yeah, I think this whole thing would go away if he somehow felt appreciated.
Reducto: [paranoid music plays] Hmm, I'm scheming. This is my scheming face. First I raise this eyebrow, and then... BACK OFF!

[Apache Chief grows and fills the courtroom]
Mightor: [smiling] Chief got his teepee back. Case dismissed.

EP03 - Shaggy Busted

[Music, laughter]
Shaggy: [to Scooby] Will you be cool?
Officer: Turn the music off, please.
Shaggy: Sure thing officer.
Officer: Where you headed tonight?
Shaggy: Like there’s this green monster, officer, sneaking around at the old cotton mill, we’re headed out there to meet the gang and, like, try to catch it. [Laughs]
Officer: A green monster?
Shaggy: [Laughs] Yeah! A real fattie man.
Officer: Uh, you were driving a little erratic back there.
Scooby: [Shaggy laughing] reah, rokay.
Officer: Just step out of the van please.
Shaggy: Punch it! [starts driving away, officer starts shooting]

[A candidate for the clerk position enters Harvey's office]
Harvey: Take a seat.
Peanut: Is that your bird? Can I touch it? [whispering] Does it bite?
Harvey: How 'bout we start with your name?
Peanut: Peanut
Harvey: Uh-huh So your last job was at, um, I don't see anything listed
Peanut: Um, I used to work at a baltimization plant
Harvey: Baltimization?
Peanut: Oh, yeah. You see, the Japanese claim it increases sexual potency tenfold. They call it "paw-paw-paw-zaaaaah".
Harvey: Really?
Peanut: Mmm. You know
Harvey: Mm.. Mhmmm... [writes it down] Well, you quit that job?
Peanut: Actually, I believe I was fired from that job
Harvey: Oh?
Peanut: Well, there was the murder of a supervisor. Nothing proven. I just thought it was better to move on.

Harvey: So consider that your first lesson in lawyering, clerk. [Peanut stares at him blankly] The job. It's yours. Congratulations
Peanut: Well gosh, that's great. Do I get a gun?
Harvey: Sure!

Fred: We've got a bit of a problem, the gang and I.
Harvey: [to Peanut] Gang stuff. Listen up. What happened?
Fred: Last night, we were at this old abandoned cotton mill, and-
Harvey: I know. One of your homies took one in the bo-bo.
Fred: No. Actually, Shaggy and Scooby were arrested. It was awful.
Harvey: Now you see why banging doesn't pay? I'll take the case! But first [Grabs hold of Fred's ascot] you're gonna have to lose the colors.

Velma: I know the way it looks, Mr. Birdman, but that's just the way they are.
Daphne: They always act that way
Peanut: [to Daphne] Oooh. Sprechen ze sexy.
Harvey: You mean those boys weren't...
Guard: [to someone offscreen] Hi!
Fred: Nope, they're just stupid.

[Spyro performing a medieval reenactment of Shaggy and Scooby getting pulled over]
Actor 1: Good eve sirs. Knowest thou why I've asked thee to tarry?
Actor 2: My leave sir no. Hath we some wrong... done?
Actor 1: Step out of thy wagon!
Actor 3: Shaggy, take flight! Its the devilish apparition!
[Horse rears, and then farts, ending the scene. Audience applauses with a baroque piece playing in the background]

Harvey: There are two lives that depend on me giving the performance of my life in court tomorrow.
Bartender: Scotch?
Harvey: Hell, yeah! Let's get stinko!

EP04 - Death By Chocolate

Phil:: Defend the bear, Birdman. And don't forget, I'll be keeping my eyes on you.
Harvey: Eye.
Phil:: I didn't know you were Scottish!

Harvey: [sitting at desk] Peanut. Give me a psych profile on Boo Boo Bear. [presses button on intercom] Debbie, we're gonna need some law books, with pictures this time. [turns to Avenger] Avenger, start taking depositions. [stands up in a dramatic stance] All right, lets go people
[Avenger and Peanut stare at him blankly]
Harvey: Everyone turn around. [turns around and begins breathing into a paper bag] I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place.

Reducto:: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. This... animal, here, this ursine fellow - UNCLEAN! - He rejected society and retreated to a cave in the woods to plot his vile, [points his shrink-ray at the jurors] NOD! Nod at what I am saying or I will shoot!

Reducto:: Please tell the court what you're holding.
Dr. Quincy:: It's the Cookie Bouqueter's Manifesto.
Reducto:: Did you find anything, unusual about it?
[creepy music plays as the camera closes in on Reducto's face]
Reducto:: Aside from the fact that it's filled with... paranoid delusions?

Harvey: So Myron, there's one thing I can't figure out. You prosecuting for the government.
Reducto: That's right, Birdman, yell it nice and loud.
Harvey: What?
Reducto: I'm not prosecuting
Harvey: Oh my God, am I supposed to be prosecuting?
Reducto: Not for the government at least. Look, that man over there.
Harvey: Hm. The jukebox?
Reducto: No! [pulls out a complicated schematic] There is no government, just a few multi-national corporations that run everything.
[The words "An AOL/Time Warner Co." appear on the bar's sign.]
Harvey: Myron, Myron!
Reducto: The bear's a threat to the new world order, Birdman. Soon there will be one worldwide currency
[The bartender walks over]
Reducto: [Falling out of his chair] AHH!!! I'll make you fun-size!
Harvey: One currency? [laughs]
Bartender: Your tab.
Harvey: Right. [counting money] One euro. Two euro.

Harvey: Mr. Boo Boo, would you consider yourself a revolutionary?
Boo Boo: Well, no. But I do believe corporations rob us of our dignity and independence, and that these systems must be ripped down, burnt down, or leveled by any force necessary... but that's just one little bear's opinion.
Harvey: A cute, fuzzy little bear. [smiles at jury] The defense rests.

EP05 - Shoyu Weenie

Manager: Oi. [subtitle:They stole our song.]

Phil: Now close your eyes and fall back.
Harvey: When I was in junior high school, we did a trust fall at a ropes course and dropped the first girl
Phil: That's it. Let me cradle you.
Harvey: She landed flat on her back
Phil: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Harvey: And then everyone started laughing because she was fat.
Phil: Fall you bastard!

Peanut: Yo, Bird. Shoyu Weenie.
Harvey: You know them?
Peanut: Sure. [sings] "Banaaanas. Ice creaamy. Veg-e-ta-ble. Steam steeaaamy!"

Band member: [speaks Japanese] [subtitle: Do you think we have a chance?]
Harvey: [nods] Hakujin. [subtitle: White Guy]

Band Member:[in japanese] I'm hungry.
Harvey: Aren't you cute. Here's a football. An American football.
[band member starts biting the football Harvey has handed him]

Harvey: So, you are a musical group correct?
Neptunes: Sure!
Jabberjaw: ... Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Mentok: Oh for God's, the shark. No more from you today, okay?
Harvey: Who writes your music?
Neptunes member: Someone with something yummy in his tummy?
Mentok: [to steinographer] Those guys over there, they're gonna lose this one. Pretty sure of it. No, I know it.
Harvey: And before you answer this next question, let me remind you that you swore [pulls out a giant Bible] ON A BIBLE to tell the truth here today. [throws it away] So, tell us [points above] AND GOD, where the song 'Lovely Lovely' came from? HE'D like to know.
Neptunes member: Uh, we don't know.
Harvey: Nothing further.

Harvey: All's fair in love and bouncey-bouncey!

Reducto: I missed you last night. At the bar. Where you said you were going to meet me. THAT bar. [starts jumping as if he's grossed out] I touched a public phone to call you. AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!!

Mentok: We don't borrow, we don't read, we don't rent, we don't lease, we take the minds. So, in conclusion, we are...?
Bailiff: [deadpan] Takers?
Mentok: Yes. [musses up the bailiff's hair] Who's the smartest boy in the court today? Who's the smartest boy in the court?
Bailiff: [deadpan] Me?
Mentok: [throws a dog treat in front of him]

[to Gail Melody]
Mentok: Listen, I already know...
[Mentok's theme music starts up]
[music abruptly runs down]
Mentok: ...that you're not doing anything tonight, but... What are you doing tonight?
Harvey & Reducto: OBJECTION!

EP06 - The Dabba Don

Phil Ken Sebben: Do you know what this means to the firm?! The billable hours?! I can finally build that lake house, and I'll run around naked all day. Ha ha... dangly parts.

Mentok: Sorry I'm late all but I just got the phone call to come over... I mean, I was just summoned by the spheres! [Imitates Theremin] anyway they said go to 101, we can't find the other guy. When your Broca's a broka? My god, man, get a writer!

[a bird with a strangely shaped beak testifies against Fred Flintstone]
Can Opener: The guy's a pig; a Neanderthal.
Fred: You're dead to me, can opener!

Evelyn Spyro Throckmorton: [Spoken word parody of Flinstones' theme song] Flinstones. Meet, the Flinstones. They're the mobbish, stone-age family. From the, villa, of Bedrock, they're a page right out of Godfather III. When we, try, Fred Flinstone, yes he's gonna do hard time, oh yeah, he'll do time, a lot of jaaaaiiil time.

Harvey Birdman: Who are you
Fred Flintstone: I told ya I'm Frond Fernstone, Botanist and....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Harvey Birdman: Who are you?
Fred Flintstone: Bird Flintmock, rodeo rider....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: I'm Anne Heche.
[Peanut hits Fred with twice a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, Honey what's going on?
Pebbles: Dada! Dada!

Fred Flintstone: Marone! Will you clean this child [Pebbles]. She smells like dinosaur doodoo!

Harvey: [After being kissed by Thundarr the Barbarian] Wow, that's a man kiss.

EP07 - Deadomutt, Part 1

Falcón: Gracias.
Phil: Ha ha... sissy European lisp thingy.

Phil: [Looking at Falcón]: I think I can safely say that Blue brings something to the firm we didn't have before. [Looks at Harvey Birdman]. Not this. This is something here before NOT we have.

EP08 - Deadomutt, Part 2

Harvey: Step off, Holmes!
Peanut: Oh, I was trying, just trying to talk about your tattoo.
Harvey: You wouldn't last two minutes in my world!

Harvey: 12 Jurors. 1 Judge. 1/2 a chance

EP09 - X, the Eliminator

Phil: I need your...uh, help.
Harvey: Really.
Phil: On my way to work I hit a guy...
Harvey: Oh, that doesn't seem so bad.
Phil: ...every day this week.
Harvey: Oh... any witnesses?
Phil:: Some kids.
Harvey: Nobody believes kids!
Phil: And a nun.
Harvey: Nobody believes nuns!
Phil: Someone's suing Phil Ken Sebben, dammit!
Harvey: I'll take the case.
Phil: And if we lose it's you and me, Birdman, against the world.
Harvey: YES!
Phil: Two heavily armed men in a bunker fighting extradition.
Harvey: Oh.

X, The Eliminator: Birdman! Prepare to meet thy fate!
Harvey: Thy?

Debbie: Your lunch appointment is here... for tomorrow.
[Harvey looks at his watch that says 9:00]

[awkward silence]
X and Harvey at the same time: Coffee!

X, The Eliminator: Yes, it is I; X, the Eliminator, and only I can rid you of this scourge; Birdman.
FEAR Member 1: What is your price?
X, The Eliminator: One million dollars
FEAR Member: It is agreed; we will give you the money, and in exchange you will bring us the crest of Birdman
X, The Eliminator: ....thats it? for that amount of money I thought I'd have to.. well, y'know; kill him.
FEAR Member 1: Oh, God no.
FEAR Member 2: What are you? Crazy?

EP10 - SPF

Debbie (over intercom): A, ah, [clears throat] Mr. Ding-a-ling here to see you.
[Harvey, Peanut, and Avenger laugh.]
Harvey: [Greeting Ding-a-ling] Mr. Ding-a-ling!
Mightor: [On a golf course, waving a club] Ha-ha-ha, deedle-deedle-dee.
Ding-a-ling: Gee whizzes, Mr. Birdman, something awful's happened. I went to register my name, because I wanna do a web site for all my fans...
[Harvey, Peanut, and Avenger laugh again.]
Ding-a-ling: ...and this is what came up. It's pictures, dirty pictures!
Peanut: You think you got it bad? You should see what Tweetypie-dot-org looks like. Hee hee, yeah, "I tawt I taw a puddy... tat."

Harvey: The man's good name. When all is said and done, isn't that all he has? My client, Dingaling...
[a pregnant pause]
Mentok: What?... oh. Oh! you were expecting a joke there. Too easy! Now, if he'd been Peter Peckapickle von Peenie, née Peter Peenie Peckerpickle; Waldo Lang Schnitzeldong; or Sarah Plain-and-Tall - any of those - then we got something! Ha ha ha! Oooooo Weeeee Oooooooooo Weeeeeee-nie.

Harvey: Your name was hijacked by a website as well?
Hi Riser: Yes. Yes, it was.
Harvey: Tell us the name of that site.
Hi Riser: Hi Riser dot com.
Harvey: And, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there are more. Many more. I give you: Big Duke, Bigger Duke, Kwicky, Schnooker, The Magic Rabbit, Fluid Man...
Peanut: [aside] That would be, ew...
Harvey: ...Dirty Dawg, Mother Load, and Galtar.
Gallery: [huh?]
Harvey: And his Golden Lance.
Gallery: [gasp!]

Peanut: Bling bling. Who's there? Oh, it's Peanut's money!
Harvey: It didn't last as long this time.
Peanut: Yeah, Harvey. We're gonna have to move you up to the good stuff...the French Stuff.
Harvey: Gimme the French Stuff.
Peanut: Oh, you gotta pay more for the stuff en francais, playa!
Harvey: OK OK OK! How much?
Peanut: You know Harv, I've always admired the view from your apartment.
Harvey: [tosses Peanut his apartment keys] Enjoy!
Peanut: And lunch money.
Harvey: But I'm out of money! Avenger wanted a cheeseburger, and....
Peanut: You know, I know this 39-year-old bodybuilder. Still amateur. He's got a powerful taste for the French Stuff. I could give him a call.
Harvey: Money. Money. I'll get the money!
[Harvey is now posing as a prostitute in drag. A "potential client" pulls up]
Man in car: Eww. [drives off]
Harvey: Keep driving, slick! Keep driving!

EP11 - The Devlin Made Me Do It

Devlin: Ever hear of "imitatable acts"?
Harvey: Oh, great movie! Eszterhas.

Harvey: [while looking for genitalia on Avenger] Peanut, have you ever seen any 'thingies' on Avenger. Swingy thingies?
Mightor: Deedleleedlelee.

Harvey: [after failing to get an injured boy to physically react to certain things] You said you saw him scratch his nose!
Peanut: Yes! When they were prying him off his little wheelchair, he was all [whines and swats the air like a sissy]

Phil Ken Sebben: "Birdman! You're Fi...Ernie Devlin?"
Devlin: "Yo!"
Phil Ken Sebben: "It's me, Phil!"
Devlin: [Silence]
Phil Ken Sebben: "Ken!"
Devlin: [Silence]
Phil Ken Sebben: "Seb..."
Devlin: [Silence]
Phil Ken Sebben: "Ben..."
Devlin: [Asleep]
Phil Ken Sebben: "Phil."

Devlin: Is it hot in here... or was I just engulfed in flames? And broads?

EP12 - Trio's Company

Harvey: My client, a private investigator...
Mentok: Colloquially known as a...?
Harvey: Uhhh... a P.I.? Gumshoe?
Inch-High, Private Eye: He wants you to say, "dick."
Mentok: Which would make you an...?
Inch-High, Private Eye: [sighs] Inch-high dick.

Inch-High, Private Eye: [has just been enlarged to a normal-sized human being] "Be right back!"
Inch-High, Private Eye: [is now in line at an amusement park where it says "you must be this tall to ride"] Again.
Amusement park worker: Please step onto the ride, sir.
Inch-High, Private Eye: I'm sorry, what?
Amusement park worker: Get on the ride, sir.
Inch-High, Private Eye: Again.
Inch-High, Private Eye: [Back in the courthouse] As I was saying...

Gigi: [emerging from under Phil's desk] I found it!
Phil: You sure did!
Harvey: Ha, aha...
Phil: Multiple entendre.
Gigi: Gotta run. Oh... [kisses Harvey on wing] See you at home, hun!
Harvey: Do you mind telling me what she was looking for?
Phil: Your desk lamp. Here.
Potamus: [emerging from under Phil's desk] Is he gone?

Reducto: BIRDMAN! That little man... where is he? I must find him. Find him and destroy him! He's so... perfectly miniature. I hate him.
[Birdman starts slapping Reducto]
Reducto: I love him. [slap] I hate him. [slap] I love him, AND hate him! [falls to Birdman's knees crying, Inch High peeks out of Birdman's pants] Oh, please, Birdman, put it away. I like the little hat, though. Tres chic.

[Inch-High takes off his towel in the sauna]
Phil: Ha ha, not to scale.

Mentok: Let's see here, ARBITRATION. [talking is high voice]Thats for people who are to teeny to go to court, teeny wiennie, peenie.

EP13 - High Speed Buggy Chase

Harvey: So sorry we couldn't help you, but again, making your will after you're dead is pretty much frowned-upon. It's a legal thing.
Funky Phantom: That's not what the Founding Fathers intended. I know, I was there! You lawyers are screwing up this whole country!
Harvey: [laughs] We're trying.
Funky Phantom: And how do ya think they'd react to pornography? Or naked pictures even?
Peanut: Well, I'm guessin' George Washington would've had more wood than just his teeth.


Phil: [regarding Avenger's replacement: a finch] What do you mean, he's not a good typist?
Harvey: Well, for one, he's too light, he can't push the keys down.
Phil:You know what he needs? A mate. Finches are sad without mates; they won't type without them.
Harvey: Plus, I don't think he understands English.
Phil: Maybe I got a European Goldfinch by mistake. Crap!
Harvey: [now has a white stain on his shoulder]
Phil: Nope! I think he understands plenty!

Reducto: [to Avenger at his going-away party] So. Twenty years, huh?
Avenger: Caw.
[long silence]
Potamus: This blows! Who's up for a Hooter's run?
Bear: *grunt*
Potamus: What? Hooter's? For the bird? It's an owl reference!
Reducto: Big bosoms make me nauseous.

Funky Phantom: My name is Funky! But if you funk with me, you'll take a one-way ride in my SUV!

Yo Yo Yo old Betsy Ross, when she grabs Old Glory, and she takes it off Run me up a flagpole my sex salute, but don't tread on me with your hobnail boot! People think I'm funky republic punk-ass b*tch! You say I'm over-white? Well, you can

EP14 - Back to the Present

Jane: Hard day at the button, dear?.
George: Oh, it was brutal...brutal! I had to push the button on and off five times. That Spacely's a slavedriver.

Phil:[slaps Orbity] YOU HUSSY!

Priest:[in the year 4063 A.P., everyone is worshiping potamus] I got that THING, he sent me!

EP15 - Blackwatch Plaid

Secret Squirrel: "Never fear, madam, Secret Squirrel has just what you need right here!" [woman screams] "Wait! I didn't even pull it out yet!"

Phil: So, while I consider myself to be a benevolent...-ish dictator, I have no choice but to introduce a battery of oppresive security measures. Frisking! Cavity searches! This easy-to-understand colour-coded crime alert system! And for everyone's safety and security, and to preserve our way of life, I'm taking a drastic step and putting up a security camera. Just one... for safety, security, and omniscient, unblinking information gathering of everyone's activities.

Reducto: Don't you know? Every cellular phone, no matter how small. No matter how perfectly tiny and minature. [paranoid music starts] Every month a new one, smaller and smaller but somehow more powerful, crammed with more amazingly clever but needless features that... I'm sorry, I believe I got offpoint.

Reducto: Every conversation is scanned for key words. Here, give me your phone, I'll show you.
Harvey: Umm...
Reducto: Hello. Mail bomb.
Harvey: Uh, heh... um...
Reducto: Assassination.
Harvey: Hey, can I have that back? I just remembered...
Reducto: Fertilizer.
Harvey: ...I'm almost out of minutes.
Reducto: Same-sex marriages. Patagonia. Nader for President.
Harvey: See, nothing happened. Nobody's monitoring these things!
Phil: [overlooking them] Huh, I always took Reducto for a libertarian.

Phil:Also, I've noticed a couple of you have slipped back into being able to concentrate on your work and somehow managed to control your bowels, which means I have no choice but to terrify you by ratcheting up the alert level a couple of notches to... BLACKWATCH PLAID! Oh and I'm gonna have to take some more drastic security measures, like uh...I don't know, installing a camera in the ladies room.
Peanut: Ooh, me likey the oppressive totalitarianism.

Phil: My office! Burgled, plundered, purloined! Ha ha ha... loins.

Phil: Everyone get in here! [everyone is instantly in Phil's office] Who can tell me what's different about my office?
Peanut: You hid the interns?
Phil: Everything's gone! I leave last night with everything right where it's supposed to be, [scene wipes to a flashback of the office looking exactly the same as it does now] then I come back this morning and everything's missing. The baby grand piano that was right there... gone!
Harvey: [thinking] There was never a piano there.
Phil: Yes there was, Birdman! You can still see the dimples in the carpet where it stood... next to the 14-foot-high golden Buddha.
Harvey: [thinking] There was never a 14-foot-high golden--
Phil: Keep your thoughts to yourself, Birdman! Don't you understand? I'm a victim! God, I feel so unclean! Tell you what... I'm going to cover my eye and whoever stole the items in question can just put them back and I won't ask any questions. [covers his eye patch] OK, I'm not looking! Can't see a thing! Nine-alligator, ten-alligator, ready or not, here I come! Ha ha ha... I wish!

Phil:[searching for his keys] Let's see. Gum wrapper... pocket lint... lighter... flamethrower... ring of power... don't know that is... roll of quarters, wait that's not roll of...ah, here they are. [trying to put the key in the keyhole] Okay... all right... here we go... and opening... on one... next time... spatial relationships... okey doke... come to papa... male end, female end... [opens door].

Phil:[everyone in his office] You'll all be relieved to know I found the thief. He's a hairy guy, about 7 feet tall and he likes furniture. [Bear nods].

Harvey:[laughs] Monitoring station!
Reducto: I will shrink you. Yes.

EP16 - Grape Juiced

Harvey: Pleased to meet your Mr. ...
[Laugh-O-Lympics committee member grabs Harvey's stapler, putting it in his pocket]
Harvey: My stapler seems to have fallen into your...
Phil: Ixnay on the aplerstay, okay... ay? This is the big time, Laugh-O-Lympics, Birdman.

Doctor: [With tranquilizer dart in his neck.] It says here that the father of Gigi's baby is... GRAPE APE!!!
Peanut: Hey, don't you need a blood test to [Gets a tranquilizer dart in his neck.]
[Harvey and M!!!Butu sit down; M!!!Butu has a blow dart gun.]
Harvey: Thank you.
Doctor: It also says that the team who won the finals is...IT'S DALLAS!!!
[Phil with two monk like men.]

Potamus: GG! You look absolutely [GG turns around and Potamus notices she's pregnant] gotta run.

Reducto: I've met the un-shrinkable!

EP17 - Peanut Puberty

Phil: I'd like to welcome you all to the bi-annual... Ha ha ha! Bi! Sebben & Sebben Board of Director's meeting.

Phil: [opens the door for Doggy Daddy]
Doggy Daddy: Just tell me what you want me to do.
Phil: [stands there silently]
Doggy Daddy: [tries to go through the door, and Phil slams it on his muzzle.]

Phil: [humping Doggy Daddy] I'm the alpha male! I AM THE ALPHA MALE!

EP18 - Gone Efficien...t

Phil: Birdman, this is Dvd, our new efficiency expert.
Harvey: Interesting name. Norweg...?
Dvd: Was "David". I eliminated the vowels to save time.
Phil: Brllnt!
Harvey: Hmm... Hrvy... wait, is Y a vowel?

[Klaxons sound as Harvey tries to obtain more bathroom tissue]
Phil: [over the PA] Attention employee! Attention employee! It is against Sebben & Sebben regulations to tamper with or disable toilet paper dispensers in the lavatories! You are allotted one sheet of tissue per visit.
Harvey: One sheet?
Phil: Repeat: One sheet per visit.
Potamus: [appearing from under the stall partition] Want mine? I ain't gonna use it.

Mentok: Mr. Birdman, you clearly have something on your mind, know how I know tha-
Harvey: Yeah yeah, Mind-taking
Harvey: I'm Sorry
Mentok: That's ok, what's up?

Phil: Hey Dvd, What if we just combine the urinal and the water fountain? [unzips his pants, causing the guy drinking from the fountain to spit out water]

Phil: ... and it's been brought to my attention that you're not using both sides of the toilet paper, you're wasting a ply.

EP19 - Droopy Botox

Phil: Wait a minute! VP's don't piddle with the piffle. You're an executive!
Black Vulcan: In your pants?
Phil: To the executive pissoir!

[Harvey and Phil enter a toilet that looks like a palace.]
Harvey: Wow.
Phil: Ha ha ha! V..pee. Backrub.
[Lady appears and starts rubbing Phil's shoulders.]
Harvey: Am I supposed to... err... um... in this?
Phil: Nothing like gold on gold
Harvey: You know Phil, I've wanted this a long time: the money, the attention, the...
Phil: Backrub.
Harvey: Backrub?
[Man appears and starts rubbing Harveys shoulders.]
Harvey: Oh... But somehow, it doesn't feel right
Phil: You know it didn't feel right to me at first either.
Harvey: It didn't?
Phil: Nope, but now I can't go wee without a little rub.

Phil: Ha ha ha, Noses on dowels.

Blue Falcon: Senior, have faith if you could do me a favor.
Birdman: Sure.
Blue Falcon: Before you enter, could you expectorate on me.
Birdman: Sorry?
Blue Falcon: Expectorate, como se dice? Spitting?

EP20 - Guitar Control

Quickdraw: "The right of the people to keep and bear arms," Mr. Birdman, "shall not be infringed."
Harvey: Wait, I've heard that.
Quickdraw: Second Amendment.
Harvey: Oh, yeah.

Harvey: Our Founding Fathers... guaranteed us certain protections. The freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the freedom to own and play stringed instruments of all kinds. Those Founding Fathers didn't place restrictions on these freedoms. They didn't say, "The right to play guitar shall not be violated, except when used to play Green Day's, 'Time of Your Life,' over and over again in the common area of your dorm!" *No!* Where will these restrictions end? A background check when you want to take up banjo? A five day waiting period to buy a Telecaster? An all-out ban on the Flying V or, dare I say, whammy bar? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is up to *you* to defend our right to keep and bear guitars.
Reducto: Yes, our Founding Fathers were certainly comfortable with the idea of the lute or the fiddle, but how could they have foreseen the fretless bass? No! There was absolutely no way for them to imagine a time when men would walk the streets brandishing Edgar Winter's Special Edition portable keyboards with standard MIDI interface.
[Addressing the gallery front row, containing the Founding Fathers, Antonin Scalia, Funky Phantom, and Edgar Winter]
Reducto: Don't look at me!
[Starts crawling underneath the gallery seats]
Reducto: And while the good people of the National Guitar Association might like you to think otherwise, do you really think we'd all be safer if everyone were walking around with a Sunburst Rickenbacker in their pockets?

[Phil's Presidential Campaign commercial, starts with song about how he's "seen almost half of America" with a video of a stripper dancing]
Phil: I'm Phil Ken Sebben. You may not know me, but I have 12-billion dollars here that says you'll vote for me regardless.
Narrator: Phil Ken Sebben. Strength. Leadership. Vision.
Phil: [Interrupting] Oh, almost forgot! I've taken every drug known to man. And not just orally. Just gettin' that out there.
Narrator: Paid for by the people who gave Phil Ken Sebben 12-billion dollars.

EP21 - Booty Noir

[Harvey is reading Wally Gator's case file]
Harvey: Operating a speedboat in protected waters... Operating a speedboat while firing a weapon... Operating a speedboat while operating a twelve pack...
Harvey: So, he's pretty much being charged for -
Phil: Being a redneck. Yep.

Phil: Baruch ata HaShem Elokainu Melech HaOlam...
Harvey: What just happened?
Bear : *grunt*
Phil: You're a bounty hunter, silly
Harvey: A bounty hunter?
Phil: One last thing. There's a reward, dead or alive. Just bring him back in... err... in four pieces or less. Watch out for the tail!

Harvey: Mr. Gator! I'm your attorney and I would love to come inside and...
[loud explosion, sheep bleating]
Harvey: Uh... For you to come outside so we can discuss your case in a civilised manner. Litigator to... alligator.

Wally Gator: OK, I'm coming out! Y'all gonna tackle me?
Police: A lil' bit.
Wally Gator: Aw, [censor bleep](shit)...

Phil: Huh, I thought that a gator only ate what it killed.
Wally Gator: Not when it's $2.99 a pound at the Costco!

Reducto: I've got a device...a body reshaper.
Norlissa: A device? For the booty?
Reducto: Well, actually it was invented for other, more dastardly...yes, for the booty!
Norlissa: Is it safe?
Reducto: It's patented in Sweden.
Norlissa: How much does it cost?
Reducto: FREE! I mean, it's free.
Norlissa: Well all right, when can I make an appointment?
Reducto: I have an opening right now. Turn around.
Norlissa: You're gonna do it right here!?
Reducto: It's out-patient! BACK OFF!
[Reducto changes the switch on his shrink gun from 'Reduce' to 'Enlarge']
Reducto: Lord help me.
[zapping sound; Reducto enlarges Norlissa's backside]
Norlissa: Ooh...that didn't hurt a bit!
Reducto: Oh, speak for yourself!

Reducto: [in bed whimpering] I don't know quite what you're expecting but I must confess. This is my first time.
Norlissa: You're right, baby. It is your first time. 'Cause until you've been with Norlissa, you haven't done it right.

Black Vulcan: [to Norlisa] So! You've got a new man! Is that what it is? Baby...WHOO!! You lose your gym membership or something? I like 'em big, but mm...
Norlisa: What?! When's the last time you went to the gym?! Look at that big old gut on you that looks like one big ab!

Harvey: Mr Gator ... [Wally Gator breaths menacengly, Harvey steps back], tell the court in your own words what you do each day
Wally Gator: Well ..., I fish and hmmm, then I watch NASCAR. yep.
Harvey: Things have been harder lately?
Wally Gator: Oh sure have! All these chain stores sprung up all over the place
Harvey: And the wildlife you're accused of injuring while trying to make your living crawfising in the swamp?
Wally Gator: Manatees [Switch to projecting slides where Wally shreds a manatee with his speedboat fan]. Don't see why the laws protecting them! Ain't nothin but floatin' meatsacks! [Court in surprise, deputy zips up pants] . Huh, federal government has NO BUSINESS tellin me how I should live MY LIFE!!!
Mightor: [Catering liquor from a reflux still] Heh, preach!!!

Phil: Take downs are worth two points.
[A bra lands on one of the monks.]
Phil: Ummm... Three if you're topless.
Monk: I see...

EP22 - Harvey's Civvy

Peanut: Some 'un got a summons.

Harvey: I'm being sued! Right?
Peanut: Yeah... I think that's fair to say.
Harvey: Quick, I need a lawyer!
Peanut: ... Wait...
Harvey: I need a good lawyer!


Potamus: SAVANA! Who's ready for some lap candy?
Shado: I will have the Cobb salad.
Potamus: Nonsense! Will have four blooming onions and the full slab of baby backs. For the table!
Shado: I am no longer eating pork. (talking) I just telepathically communicated that I am no longer eating pork.

Harvey: [whispering, having seen several costumed villains in courtroom] What's going on?
Potamus: ...Pride Weekend?
Mentok: [appearing in chair] Hippo, bird and...who are you?
Mentok: Oh, no you don't. No "brain thieving" in my courtroom, you understand?. This is mind taking country, partner. You got it? Good.

Shado: All part of a class action suit against this supposed "hero."...
Harvey to Potamus: Class action suit! And your opening statement was about that thing you sent them?
Potamus: [points at large chested court reporter] Check out the ha-has on Miss Stenopad.

Prof. Nightshade: Look, I'm Professor Nightshade. PROFESSOR Nightshade, I don't care who you are, you show a professor a little respect. You don't just shoot him 5-no wait (looks into his pants and nods as he counts) fi-no six, six! times in the nads!

Mentok: More witnesses, evidence, anything like that?
Potamus: Nah, we're done
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Call Shado to the stand
Potamus: I... call... Shado... to.. the.. stand... Now what?
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Ask him the quesion
Potamus: Uhh... did you...
Mentok: Go on.
Potamus: Did.. you.. get.. that.. thing I sent ya?
Shado: The thing you sent? I'm sure I did. One moment...
Mentok: And how long did they have to respond, Mr Potamus?
Potamus: 2 weeks.
Mentok: Oh, and lets see. That was two weeks ago right... now! MISTRIAL!
Shado: But nobody knew about that request for discovery. I hid it so well! How did you...
Mentok: Know? Back at the bar, when you thought we were getting all palsy-walsy, I was actually flipping through that sorry organizer you call a mind, looking for DIRT! YA KNOW WHAT WE CALL THAT?! MIND-TAKING BABY!!!!! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!!!!!! YOU'VE TRIED THE REST, NOW TRY THE BEST!! ONCE YOU'VE GONE BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!!!
Harvey: So, I didn't hurt this guy, or that guy, or that guy, or
Mentok: Oh, no. You hurt 'em, Birdy. You hurt 'em real bad. But you won! And that's all that matters!

Potamus: I can't feel my leg! My third leg!

EP23 - X Gets the Crest

Peanut: Hello? Western Union? Are you in?
Birdman: Huh? Oh.. Oh no, I'm out of chips!
X: Maybe, there's something else of value you can bet?
Birdman: What?

Peanut: Whaddya got?
X: Uh... Four. Kings. [pause] I WIN! I WIN! I WIN I WIN I WIN! [Dashes out the door, singing] Hey mister passer-by, CREST ON BIRDMAN'S HELMET! [Birdman's cell phone rings and he answers it, it is X] I WON!

[the scene changes to Harvey's office, where he runs in]

Reducto: Your Honor, Sheriff Ricochet took a... DON'T YOU MOVE FROM THAT CHAIR!... an oath to protect the public, to ensure the public's... YOUR LEGS! STOP MOVING YOUR LEGS!... safety. But in the end he caused more property damage, more injury and loss of life than the very criminals he was...
[Ricohet Rabbit starts bouncing around the courtroom]
Reducto: [Jumping around and firing his shrink gun] Ah! You see? This is just the sort of reckless endangerment of which I speak! Ahhhh!

Birdman: And if I fire this, it should stun him enough so I can retrieve my...
Peanut: Crest?
Birdman: YES! [Birdman squeezes through oil covered hole, wearing no pants] BIRDMAN'S CREST ON X'S HELMET!
[a pregnant pause]
Peanut: Ok, that was creepy.

Mentok: Oh you do, do you?
[X pops up in the background]
X: The evil-do that I do do.

X: See, that lighting guy didn't do me any favors.
Zardo: I think you look very good, I do think...
X: I wonder if this was my 15.
Zardo: No, No. Look at you. You're fantastic on television. You should be on television.
X: It's occurred to me.

X: (singing) Hey, Mr. Passer-by! Crest on Birdman's helmet!

EP24 - Birdgirl of Guantanomole

Phil: Everyone, it's Take Phil's Daughter To Work Day.
Peanut: I hereby volunteer to show her the interior of every supply closet.

[Phil Ken Sebben introduces his daughter]
Phil: Judy thinks she's interested in a law career. Ha ha ha! Pfft.
Judy: That's right, and I've been particularly interested in your work, Mr. Birdman.
Harvey: Really?
[Phil slaps Harvey with his mug, but appears across the room in the next frame]
Phil: Birdman, don't get any ideas, you hear? No touchy touchy, no rubby rubby patty, and no looky looky touchy.
Peanut: Sucky.

Phil: I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I'm gonna make your bed-rock!

Birdgirl: Daddy!!!
Phil: OOO that's hot! Say it again!

Harvey: That's it, you can't hang around anymore! This is not a game! Someone could have died back there, before any billable services were rendered.

Reducto: Mr. Mole, please show us your uniform.
Morocco Mole: My uniform?
Reducto: The Geneva Convention states that only those in uniform are considered soldiers.
Harvey: Objection, he isn't even wearing any pants.
Phil: Neither am I. Is that a crime?
Mentok: Yes. Yes, it is actually.

EP25 - Beyond the Valley of the Dinosaurs

Grok: An oracle foretold of a pink feathered man-bird coming from the sky to bring pestilence and death upon our tribe. You bad chinga, brother.

Potamus: Sentcha decrees a feast and an orgy... Hell, an orgy sexy feast.
Grok: That's Prince's best album.

Harvey: I'm not even pink! It's the spa terry!

Phil: I'm not a marriage counselor, but I do have this whip.

Harvey: You speak English?!
Grok: Why wouldn't I? Yet another cultural stereotype...
Harvey: No, it's just that, uh, the dinosaurs and the grunting and all... where did you learn...?
Grok: Three semesters at CSU-Long Beach.
Cavemen: GO, NINERS!

EP26 - Evolutionary War

Harvey: Peanut, if we're going to win this case, I need proof.
Peanut: Proof of what?
Harvey: Um... Evolution?
[they come across an unnamed governor suspiciously-reminiscent of George Wallace at the schoolhouse gates]
Peanut: I'd look elsewhere for that...

Reducto: Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you... do you think you're descended from... apes? From filthy animals, covered in fur, hair everywhere on their body? Hair that grows back even if we spend hours each day removing one by one any offending follicle from our face or chest or worse, back? With tweezers or dare I say more painful methods like harsh depilatory creams or sugar waxing? FULL BRAZILIAN!

[Harvey is in a stall in the bathroom]
Birdman: [sighs]
Potamus: That you Birdman?
Birdman: You know, now is not a great time.
Potamus: Did'ja get that thing I sent ya?
Birdman: No! No I didn't! I never get that thing you sent me! I never gotten that thing you sent me and I'm beginning to wonder if you ever sent me anything! While I'm at it, if I HAD gotten that thing you sent me, EVER, I doubt I'd be interested in what it said. [loud sigh]
Potamus: [wimpers]
Birdman: Hey, hey. I'm, I'm sorry.
Potamus: [cries out]
Birdman: I made a mistake. Yeah! It seems I did get something earlier today.
Potamus: [bursts out of stall] YA DID!? [runs out of bathroom] HE GOT THAT THING I SENT HIM!

EP27 - Turner Classic Birdman

Falcon Seven: Birdman, we need your help! Reducto threatens the entire populace and demands to see you.
Birdman: I have no choice but to go to him.
Falcon Seven: Actually, before you go there I was wondering if you could swing by here first.
Birdman: Why? What is it?
Falcon Seven: Well, I can't move my right arm. Uhhh… Ghaa! Ooh-ahh, grhaa, guh-OOOY-guh-gah! Nope. Could be lockjaw.
Birdman: I'll be right there, Falcon Seven, after I deal with Reducto.
Falcon Seven: [mumbled through increasingly immoble teeth] Wait, Birdman! I said come here first!

Reducto: Oh sweet teensy bliss; goodbye, large world! [while being shot with his shrink gun]

Mentok: You're no longer in control of your mind, and your wings are missing too.
Harvey: I am no longer in control of my mind, and my wings are missing too.
Mentok: Ehh, you don't have to repeat what I'm saying.
Harvey: I don't have to repeat what you're saying.
Mentok: I mean it stop it.
Harvey: I mean it stop it... You mean it stop it
Mentok: Okay, lets try this: you only do it when I say "Mentok Says," okay?
Harvey: [is silent]
Mentok: Okay, good.
Harvey: Okay, good.
Mentok: I didn't say "Mentok says."
Harvey: You didn't say..

Falcon Seven: Birdman! A madman has stolen a sensitive military test rocket!
Birdman: But Falcon Seven, I'm decoupaging! If I leave now, it may bubble!
Falcon Seven: We need you, Birdman!
Birdman: Auuggghhh!

Falcon Seven: Birdman! A madman is causing earthquakes!
Birdman: Auuggghhh!
Falcon Seven: Birdman! A pirate is looting some booty!
A neanderthal is leaving doody!
A drag queen is singing some Judy!
A mad scientist is freez…
[Falcon Seven is frozen mid-sentence, then Birdman thaws him out]
…Ha ha ha! Ing!
Birdman: That's it, Falcon Seven! I quit!
Falcon Seven: Quit? And do what?
Birdman: I don't know, a regular job, like normal people have, a desk job with normal clothes and regular work, work you get paid for…
[cut to present day]
Phil Ken Sebben: [over intercom] Birdman, get in here! A Mr. Peebles is suing Mr. Dibble!
Birdman: Sigh!
Robert Osborne: And that was 1944's "Double Indemnity" with Fred MacMurray and of course the glorious Barbara Stanwyck. Now, later Frank Capra would confess in his autobiography that he fell in love with Stanwyck and had he not been more in love with Lucille Rayburn, whom he eventually did marry, he would have asked Barbara Stanwyck to marry him, after she called it quits with Frank Fay and before she married Robert Taylor. Well, that's it for tonight, thanks for watching, and I'll see you next time.

EP28 - Free Magilla

Phil: Mopey, mopey hippo!

Phil: [showing the triplets how to tie a knot] The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes around the tree, sees a lady rabbit and invites her back to the waren, but then remembers he's married, so he takes a detour to that little motel out on the interstate.
Spewie: What else can you teach us Mr. Phil?
Phil: Uhh, I dunno. How about first aid?
[the triplets cheer]
Phil: Alright. Lesson number 1, choking. Okay, which one of you can pretend to be choking for me, has to be realistic, now.
[Potamus falls over choking in the background]

EP29 - Return of Birdgirl

Potamus: Shhh... Shhh... Birdman, Shhh... Shhh... Shhent ya
Harvey: But I don't know what I'm doing.
Potamus: Nonsense. Look at me. Look at me. Now, listen very closly to what I'm about to say to you.
Harvey: Okay...
Potamus: Promise you're going to listen to these words with all your heart.
Harvey: Okay.
Potamus: Do you have inside you here...?
Harvey: Yes?
Potamus: Deep, deep, inside you... Do you have the one true thing that you need in life that will guide you through it all?
Harvey: Yes?
Potamus: Do you have that one thing...?
Harvey: What thing? Tell me. WHAT IS IT?!
Potamus: It's that thing... that I sent... to you.

EP30 - Mindless

Spyro: So, Mr. Dum-Dum, please tell us what happened on the morning of the 24th.
Dum-Dum: Der, well, it was a Thursday. Thursday's the garbage day in our house.
Mentok: [Aside] This is my life. This... is what it's come to. Off the charts IQ, best schools in the galaxy, and I'm stuck here with Butter-Boob and Nit-Snicky.

Mentok: [To the dog and Spyro, who have swapped minds] You two, scat. I wanna lock up.
Dog: I'll bite you on the ass. Growl.
Mentok: Fine, spoilsport. Booweeoop.
[an unearthy voice utters 'MENTOK' as the mind of Spyro and a dog exchange bodies]
Mentok: [Points to Spyro] You, speak. [Spyro barks] Uh,oh and you? [dog barks]

Spyro: [With the mind of a child] I had a bad dream. I wanna' sleep with you!
Mentok: [Grinning] Who doesn't?

Mentok: Y'know, two dates...two nights...people will start a-talkin'. Are you comfortable?
Gigi: Not with these clothes on. They're so tight and...clothesy.
[Gigi rips off her dress]
Mentok: [grinning] This is why I came to Earth [shakes fist at sky] Take that, Momtok!

Mentok: All right. Your judge had a frustrating, frustrating night last night so I'd appreciate it if everybody just played nicey-nice.
Mentok: Eeney, meenie, miney, MINDSWAP!

EP31 - Identity Theft

[Harvey has a stack of documents to be copied]
Harvey: Morning! Can I really get this in an hour?
Elliott: Yes, sir. We'll have it done in two hours.
Harvey: Ah, okay! Great! Two hours!
Elliott: Come on back in four hours and we'll have it all ready for you.

Elliott: Harvey Birdman. Harvey Birdman. Baffacch! Baffacch!

Elliott: (thinking) His boss didn't manage to rid the world of the scurge of Birdman. I must make more copies of him to shoot, and this time he will eliminate the real Birdman.
X: Chose another verb, buddy!
Elliott: (thinking) Oh, ah sorry. He will kill the real Birdman.
X: Better.

Harvey Birdmans: I/we know what you've been up to, Elliott, or should I say "the Deadly Duplicator". Your reproductive days are over!
Hiram Mightor [quick cutaway] Deedle-deedle-dee.
Elliott: We'll see about that, Birdman, and Birdman, and Birdman, and Birdman, and Birdman and Birdman.

Phil Ken Sebben: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe, and from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip-malls should be. Cookies on dowels. All those moments lost in time; gone like eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die.

EP32 - Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation

Voice over: Sebben and Sebben gives back to the community in a number of ways, our support of the arts featuring the annual Sebben and Sebben Shakespeare festival
[Phil is is alone on a stage, dressed as Hamlet.]
Phil: To die... to sleep... to sleep, perchance to dream; ay, there's the rub... Ha ha... rub! For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come... must give us pause... make us bear those... uh, I've forgotten. Huh... I know I'm depressed about something. Uh-ba-da-da... mother: dead.... no, father dead, mother alive, kind of a sexy thing with the mom, uncle; probably killed my father, girlfriend: crazy as a loon, her father's a chatterbox, I killed him... ah, this is all too complicated. [Thunderous applause.]
Voice over: And most importantly providing the resources for individual employees to set up their own charity work, like the Peter Potamus Home for Hot Unwed Mothers.

[Explaining the five steps to success at Sebben & Sebben]
Voice over: Identifying that thing.
Potamus: [echoing] That thing...
Voice over: Setting your sights on that thing.
Potamus: [echoing] That thing...
Voice over: Reaching for that thing.
Potamus: [echoing] That thing...
Voice over: Getting that thing.
Potamus: [echoing] You get that thing?
Voice over: Recognition for getting that thing
Potamus: [echoing] Congratulations... [farts] Excuse me I got tension.

[Sebben & Sebben Motto - Printed on handy key fob]
Putting clients first by putting employees first. Immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibility and leveraging profitability toward exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.

[7 Habits of Highly Flatulent People]
Denial, Acceptance, Getting There, Cover-up, Solutions, Reforms, Exploiting your Talents

Phil: You ever seen It's a Wonderful Life? Even that Bailey bastard couldn't screw this up!

Elliott: These will be your office supplies: pencil sharpeners, two; three-hole punch, two; shredders, two; staples, two; stapler, one — oh, crap! — folders, two; paper clips, two. You'll get two of everything. Don't tell me two of some things is too much and two of other things are "too little"! I don't care, for I am the Deadly Duplica...
Voice-over: (cutting him off) Proper conduct...

Phil: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. I was busy counting my large sums of money. Ever get a paper cut from a $7,000 bill? Doesn't tickle. But you'll never have to worry about that!

[Sexual Harassment Section]
Peanut: (to two girls) Hi, I'm Peanut. You can be butter, and, oh gosh, I guess you'll be jelly and, this is just off the top of my head, how 'bout a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich? What'dya say?
Voice over: The correct way is:
Peanut: (to two girls) Hi, I'm Peanut. You can be butter, and, oh gosh, I guess you'll be jelly and, this is just off the top of my head, how 'bout a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich? What'dya say?
Voice over: The difference? This time, he's unplugged the security camera in the corner, which means there's no evidence of this encounter.

EP33 - Mufti Trouble

EP34 - Incredible Hippo

Potamus: A sammich without bread isn't a sammich—it's meat with mustard on your hands!

Phil Ken Sebben: That monster is attacking Judy!
Harvey Birdman: But Phil, he's saving her!
Phil Ken Sebben: My God, you're right! (Presses tank fire button) I can't believe it! (Presses tank fire button) I was so wrong about that creature, dead wrong. Ha ha! Foreshadowing! About the dead part, not the wrong part. I only saw his grotesque visage, not his noble, majestic hearrrrrt.

EP35 - Babysitter

[Potamus has taken control of the firm and is sitting in Phil Ken Sebben's office]
Judy: Daddy?
Potamus: I love this job.
Judy: Where's daddy?
Potamus: Uh...he went on, uh...a...
[Potamus sees a billboard with 'vacation' partially replaced by 'honeymoon']
Potamus: vaca...neymoon.
Judy: Vacaneymoon? With Aunt Phyllis? He didn't say anything about--
Potamus: They eloped. Silly kids.
Judy: But elopement's for the wedding, not the vacaneymoon.
[Potamus rushes her out of the office]
Potamus: Be happy for them! It's a joyous time!
Judy: Well do you know when he'll be back? I need him to sign this...ugh Sex Ed permission slip for my community college.
Potamus: He just said co-co butter...and like that...he was gone

Guy: Hey! You don't have the authority to hire people!
Potamus: Oh yeah? (leans out the window where below, an attractive girl walks past) Hey HA HAS! You're hired!

EP36 - Birdnapped

Birdgirl: Your raise is nothing! In fact, you're fired! Ka-Downsized! You spend five hours a day Googling pictures of kittens in rain boots! Get out!

Debbie: Two things: I'm going to lunch, and the office has degraded into sectarian violence.

EP37 - Grodin

Devlin: Whores are for heroes!

EP38 - Juror in Court

Harvey: $27.90? But this meal voucher they gave us is only good for three dollars.
Elliott the Deadly Duplicator: (behind the counter) Ah-HA-ha-hahaha! Yes! YES! The mighty Birdman humbled by a chimichanga! Wait, that thing is $27.90? (clerk nods) Are you kidding me?! That's bullshit! He didn't even get a fountain drink! Gimme that! (snatches voucher and duplicates it) There, now you owe him $8.10. How's that feel, huh? And what the fuck is chipotle anyway?!

EP39 - The Death of Harvey

Harvey: So, your honor, the matter before you is simply—deep breath (deep breath), camera starts on Race (Avenger starts camera and focuses on Race Bannon and Benton Quest)—should a child's guardian—pan to Apache—who suffers injury at the hand of a coffee conglomerate—whip-pan to Shaggy/Scooby—be allowed to misconstrue foolish behavior (walks along the following clients) as a result of revolutionary political beliefs (Boo Boo Bear), all the while flouting copyright protection (Shoyu Weenie), RICO statutes (Fred Flintstone) and public indecency laws (Secret Squirrel), therefore encouraging discrimination (Inch High, Private Eye) and negligence (Ernie Devlin and wife) as well as the great strides we've made vis-à-vis automobile safety (Speed Buggy) and drug legislation, Second Amendment (Quick Draw McGraw)...
Birdgirl: (dropping off more clients) 26!
Harvey: ...and, er, First Amendment rights (Ding-a-Ling Wolf), working toward a positive future (The Jetsons, with Judy in full body cast), or will we devolve to a barbaric past (Grape Ape and Beegle Beagle)? Should we duck these decisions or confront them, removing all wrinkles (Droopy Dog with supermodels) and doubts...
Mentok: 16 seconds.
Harvey: takes merely the simplest leap (Wally Gator and Ricochet Rabbit) to unearth (Morocco Mole) a distinction between savage past (Captain Caveman and Cavey Jr.) and barbarism (another caveman)...
Mentok: 4...3...
Birdgirl: (holding Top Cat and vase with Shazzan) 37 and 38! (She runs and trips over Inch High, sending them flying into Harvey's arms)
Harvey: ...laws were dictated by roll of the dice. To that I say be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!
Mentok: Don't rub that.
Harvey: I...won't.
Mentok: Are you finished?
Harvey: I think so.
Mentok: See you in a week (disappears into a cloud) BOOOO-WEEEEEOOOOO.
Harvey: Your Honor!
Mentok: What?!
Harvey: Do you have a ruling?
Mentok: Oh, that. All judgments stand as previously ordered.

Harvey: (numbers popping up) Case #398567703296...
Mentok: ...7228489273124...
Harvey: ...483395639462...
Peanut: ...8.
Birdgirl: Who is it?!
Harvey: Nitron.
Mentok: And he's not alone; I gave him the keys to the Death-Con 12 (12).
Harvey: How could you?!
Mentok: Hey, nobody's perfekt. That's spelled with a K.

Phil: No matter how many times you say that, it still gets me ro- Oh, my God! I just did the math! By "Daddy", you don't mean bend me over your knee and call the fire department because you have a flamer down there; you mean Daddy! Judy, daughter, is it you?
Everyone in the Background: Yes!
Phil: I can't believe you were trying to get into your own father's pants. Now that's just sick. And me helpless, (pointing down) with the one eye.

Phil: Ha Ha Ha! Last laugh!

External Links

Simple English

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law is a Adult Swim program that stars Birdman who started out as a super hero on the Hanna-Barbera program Birdman and the Galaxy Trio and is now a lawyer for Sebben Sebben. Several villains from that show return on this show and also brings back characters like Phil, Peanut, and Avenger.

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Format Animated series
Created by Michael Ouweleen
Erik Richter
(based on characters created by Hanna-Barbera)
Starring Gary Cole
Stephen Colbert
Thomas Allen
Peter Macnicol
John Michael Higgins
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 4
No. of episodes 39
Running time 12 minutes (30 minutes for the last episode)
Original channel Adult Swim
Picture format 4:3 SDTV
Original run December 30, 2000 (2000-12-30)July 22, 2007 (2007-07-22)


  • Stephen Colbert as Phil and Reducto
  • Gary Cole as Harvey Birdman
  • John Michael Higgins as Mind Taker and Zardo
  • Peter Macnicol as X
  • Thomas Allen as Peanut

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