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Hogan's Heroes
Hogan's Heroes Title Card.png
Title card
Format Military sitcom
Created by Bernard Fein
Albert S. Ruddy
Starring Bob Crane
Werner Klemperer
John Banner
Robert Clary
Richard Dawson
Ivan Dixon
Larry Hovis
Kenneth Washington
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 6
No. of episodes 168
Production
Location(s) Hollywood, California
Culver City, California
Running time 23 minutes
Broadcast
Original channel CBS
Original run September 17, 1965 – March 28, 1971

Hogan's Heroes is an American television sitcom that ran for 168 episodes from September 17, 1965, to March 28, 1971, on the CBS network. Starring Bob Crane as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, the show was set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp during the Second World War. The program featured Werner Klemperer as Colonel Wilhelm Klink, the commandant of the camp; John Banner as the portly inept sergeant-of-the-guard, Schultz; and an international crew of Allied prisoners who assisted Hogan in running a Special Operations group from the camp.

Hogan's Heroes was produced by Bing Crosby Productions and CBS Productions.

Contents

Premise

The setting was a fictional version of Stalag 13, a POW camp for captured Allied airmen located north of the town of Hammelburg in the Bad Kissingen woods and run by the Luftwaffe. Its location was on the Hammelburg Road (now known as E45), on the way to HofburgStrasse and eventually Dusseldorf. One episode mentions they are 106 kilometers from Heidelberg, but that measurement is actually aviation miles; it would have taken 199 km by car.

Stalag 13 bore no resemblance to its real-life counterparts, Oflag XIII-B and Stalag XIII-C. The show's premise was that the POWs were actually active war participants, using the camp as a base of operations for Allied espionage and sabotage against the Germans or the German Armed Forces. The prisoners could leave and return almost at will via a secret network of tunnels and had radio contact with Allied command. They were aided by the incompetence of the camp commandant, Colonel Klink, and the Sergeant Of The Guard, Sergeant Schultz. Hogan would routinely manipulate the incompetent Klink and get Schultz to look the other way while his men conducted secret operations. Klink and Schultz were in constant terror of being transferred to the Russian Front, and Hogan took pains to keep the hapless German duo firmly in place. Klink had a perfect record of no escapes while he commanded the POW camp. Hogan actually assisted in maintaining this record, and made sure any prisoners who needed to be spirited away had been transferred to someone else's authority before their escape was enacted. The program for a sitcom was unique as it combined elements of surrealism and dynamic action/adventure storytelling. Other examples of programs of the era that combined genres while reflecting general social tensions are Mission: Impossible and The Wild Wild West.

Cast

Allies

Colonel Hogan

American United States Army Air Force Colonel Robert E. Hogan (Bob Crane), senior ranking POW officer, is the leader of the group. He was born in Bridgeport, Connecticut and is from Cleveland, Ohio. He was shot down while on a raid on Hamburg in an operation masterminded by Colonel Biedenbender, who was promoted to general for this achievement. In contrast to Colonel Klink, Hogan graduated third in his military class. The character was named by series creator Bernard Fein after his friend, the American soap opera and character actor Robert J. Hogan, who appeared in two episodes of Hogan's Heroes.

In the episode "Two Nazis for the Price of One", it is revealed by Major Hochstetter of the Gestapo that Colonel Hogan was the commander of the 504th bomb group that had been reassigned to the "Manhattan Project". In real life, the 509th Bombardment Group was in the group that dropped the atomic bombs (that were created under the code name "Manhattan Project") on Japan in August, 1945

Sgt. Kinchloe

Staff Sergeant James (aka Ivan) "Kinch" Kinchloe (Ivan Dixon) is primarily responsible for radio, telegraph, and other forms of electronic communications. In the series pilot, Kinchloe is introduced as Hogan's 'Chief Of Staff', and, in addition to his communications expertise, is observed speaking fluent French to LeBeau. This was a large step for a 1960s TV show, to have a black actor identified in such a manner. In a later episode, when it looks like Colonel Crittenden (Bernard Fox) was going to be the new Senior Prisoner Of War officer, Hogan introduces his men, with Kinchloe cited as 'Chief Of Operations'. A talented mimic, Kinchloe easily imitates German officers speaking over the radio or telephone. When Hogan needed a strictly audio impression of Adolf Hitler, the men generally agreed that Kinchloe was the better choice for the job over Sergeant Carter.[1]

Kinch was from Detroit and had worked for the telephone company. In one episode, he mentions that before the war he was a Golden Gloves boxing champion. In an episode that had General Burkhalter (Leon Askin) making reference to the Jesse Owens victories during the 1936 Olympics and Adolf Hitler not being happy that a Negro won events over German athletes, Kinchloe knocks out the heavyweight champ of Stalag 13 (Battling Bruno) while Burkhalter was in the camp. Kinchloe wound up fighting Bruno again, drawing out the fight in a delaying action while Hogan and the others accomplish their usual sabotage. Upon completion of the mission, Hogan yells to Kinch to end the fight, and Kinch laid the German out with one punch whereupon Hogan throws in the towel and surrenders the fight to prevent the obvious disaster of a black POW defeating the 'master race's finest boxer'. At the end of the episode, Hogan reminds Klink to tell 'Battling Bruno' that he is the winner, "when he wakes up".

As Kinchloe is black, his ability to participate in some undercover activities outside of the camp is limited. In one operation, Kinchloe plays the role of a doorman at a nightclub in Paris in order to get close to the owner. He also impersonated an African prince (also played by Ivan Dixon).

Sgt. Baker

Following Dixon's departure from the show, the producers replaced his character in the sixth season with another black man, Sergeant Baker (Kenneth Washington). The tasks assigned to Sergeant Baker are identical to those of Staff Sergeant Kinchloe. However, Newkirk was elevated to the 'Chief Of Operations' role. The details of Kinch's departure were never explained on the show.

Like Kinchloe, Baker's ability to work outside the camp is limited (since he doesn't blend in racially), but he is able to assist the group on sabotage missions while managing communications.

Sergeant Carter

American Technical Sergeant Andrew J. Carter [Lieutenant in the pilot episode] (Larry Hovis) is in charge of ordnance and bomb-making. He also shows talent in chemistry and can produce formulas as needed. Carter is often called on to impersonate German officers and, most convincingly, Adolf Hitler. Carter, as Hitler, responds to a group of German officers saying "Heil Hitler" with "Heil Me." While bright and enthusiastic at his specialties, Carter often shows a lack of common sense otherwise. He formerly worked at a drug store in Muncie, Indiana; in one episode, he bragged that he had won a snowman-building contest in Bullfrog, North Dakota. His awards include the Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart, Commendation Medal and Good Conduct Medal. Carter is a Native American; his Sioux name is Little Deer Who Goes Swift And Sure Through Forest. Hovis was married, and refused to remove his wedding ring while filming the show as the single Sergeant Carter. Thus, Carter is usually shown wearing gloves, and his left hand is rarely shown in the show.

Corporal LeBeau

French Air Force Corporal Louis LeBeau (Robert Clary) is a chef. LeBeau is also a master of covert operations, and has taken the precaution of befriending the camp's guard dogs. As a result, he is able to enter their compound through a secret entrance under a doghouse without the dogs raising the alarm. He also is able to hide in small spaces, such as the safe in Colonel Klink's office and crates. In many episodes, LeBeau bribes Schultz with food, especially LeBeau's apple strudel. Schultz and Klink (but mainly Schultz) refer to Le Beau as "Cockroach". In the first two seasons, LeBeau made the uniforms and suits, although this job increasingly went to Newkirk. In fact, by the fifth season episode "Gowns by Yvette", it is suggested that LeBeau cannot even sew a stitch, though he claims creative responsibility for the dress Newkirk eventually sews, but later he once again began to sew and mend the clothing alongside Newkirk. LeBeau suffers from hemophobia.

Corporal Newkirk

Royal Air Force Corporal Peter Newkirk [Lieutenant in the pilot episode] (British-born American actor Richard Dawson) is the group's conman, magician, pick-pocket, card shark, forger, bookie, lock picker, safe cracker and impersonator of German officers (and on one occasion, Winston Churchill, the British Prime Minister during the war). He also is in charge of making uniforms and assisting in distracting the Germans to perform other sabotage. This series marked Dawson's second appearance on American TV (he had earlier appeared on an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show in 1963). Dawson auditioned for the role of Hogan, but was told he didn't sound American enough. In the version translated for broadcast in Germany, Newkirk's pronounced British accent was replaced by a simulation of stuttering. Newkirk is also a skilled tailor, often called upon to make or alter uniforms and other disguises. Newkirk was also teamed with Carter and his irritation at Carter's bumbling antics and lack of common sense was often used for comedic effect. Newkirk is called "The Englander" by Schultz and sometimes even Klink in some of the episodes.

Germans

Colonel Klink

Kommandant Oberst (Colonel) Wilhelm Klink (Werner Klemperer) is an old-line Luftwaffe officer of aristocratic (Junker) Prussian descent, and a social climber. He was born in Leipzig, though he refers to Düsseldorf, where he attended the Gymnasium (high school), as his home town.[2] After failing the entrance exams to study law or medicine,[2] he received an appointment from Kaiser Wilhelm II to a military academy, through the influence of his uncle, the Bürgermeister's barber, and graduated 95th in his class - the only one who has not risen to the rank of general. He has fencing armor in his dining room and he sometimes wears a monocle. One episode has a brief shot of his office showing that Klink has a pompous coat of arms on his wall. In another episode when he thinks he is going to be rich, he claims his 500-year-old name will actually have some money as well. A veteran aviator of the First World War, Klink happily lives out the end of his military career in the relative comfort and safety of a prison camp commandant's billet - although in one episode he wished he was piloting a Heinkel bomber again. He has been stuck at the rank of colonel for 20 years with an efficiency rating a few points above "Miserable". In one episode, Klink tried to flatter Schultz, a businessman in civilian life, hoping to he hired as a bookkeeper with Schultz's toy company after the end of the war. Klink is portrayed as a vain, bumbling, self-serving bureaucrat, rather than as an evil Nazi. With his innate skills as a hustler, Hogan is able to manipulate Klink (which Klink doesn't really mind) through a combination of appealing to his vanity through a lot of flattery, and playing with Klink's fears of being sent to the frigid and bloody Eastern Front war with Russia, or of being hauled off by the Gestapo.

In one episode, Klink is told by "General Burkhalter" that to climb higher socially, he would need to marry into an important family. Burkhalter next tells him that his widowed sister and niece will be arriving at Stalag 13 soon. Klink initially thinks that Burkhalter's lovely niece is the one to whom Burkhalter is referring, but Klink finds out that it is actually Burkhalter's homely and gruff sister, Frau Linkmeyer, whom Burkhalter is trying marry off - and this becomes Klink's worst nightmare. Klink narrowly escapes from this fate with the help of Colonel Hogan. In a later episode, we find that the two other Stalag commandants under Burkhalter's command also narrowly escaped marriage to Frau Linkmeyer.

Colonel Klink had received the Citation of Merit-Second Class (fictitious) from General Stauffen during World War I. The general had visited Stalag 13 to get a briefcase from Hogan filled with explosives and a thirty-minute timer in a plot to murder Adolf Hitler, all under the unsuspecting eyes of Klink. This is typical of the scenarios in which Hogan would entangle Colonel Klink, where Klink's ego is used against himself. A running gag in Hogan's Heroes is that Klink gets doused in the face with water at times for comedic effect. Another running gag is that Klink is an inept violinist, too, and is only able to play The U.S. Army Air Forces Song (in real life, Werner Klemperer was a skilled violinist, and son of the famous orchestra conductor Otto Klemperer).

Another gag is that of Klink saving his most treasured possession: a World War I spiked Pickelhaube helmet that he keeps on his office desk. Yet another gag involves Hogan's stealing one or two of Klink's cigars from his desk during their (often brief) meetings, and also inquiring as to whether Klink would like one too.

Sergeant Schultz

Oberfeldwebel (Master Sergeant) Hans Georg Schultz, serial number 23781 (John Banner) is Klink's bumbling, highly unmilitary 295-pound Sergeant Of The Guard. Schultz is a basically good-hearted man who, when confronted by evidence of the prisoners' covert activities, will simply look the other way, repeating "I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!" (or, more commonly as the series went on, simply "I know nothing–NOTHING!") in order to avoid being blamed for allowing things to have gotten as far as they already had-which might see him given a one-way trip to the Eastern Front. This eventually became a catch phrase of the series. Though generally shown as being borderline incompetent, he has (on occasion) proven his mettle, as can be seen in episodes such as "A Funny Thing Happened on the way to London", where he catches Hogan 'assisting' another man attempting to escape; he even goes so far as to stand up to Hogan, moving him along at gunpoint. Schultz, in the sixth season, receives a temporary promotion to Kommandant of Stalag 13. In the episode "Kommandant Schultz", Burkhalter brings an order from Berlin to all Luft Stalags to begin Officer training for their most senior non-commissioned officers. Schultz does so well in the job that Hogan and Klink have to join forces to discredit Schultz and get him reduced back to sergeant-of-the-guard. In another episode which was a satire on the movie/TV Industry a ego driven movie star with the US Armed Air Forces-his contact says that if captured he can be exchanged for 3 Generals-is sent to Stalag XIII and makes a propaganda movie-with Schultz as the Commandant and Klink as a Sergeant!

Like Klink, he is a veteran of World War I. His hometown is Heidelberg, and in civilian life he is the owner of Germany's biggest and most successful toy manufacturing company, The Schatzi Toy Company.[3] With the onset of war, Schultz was involuntarily recalled to military duty and lost control of his toy factory as it was converted to military use. He has a wife, Gretchen (played by Barbara Morrison in Season 2, Episode 24) and five children whom he sees only on infrequent leave. LeBeau once refers to Schultz as a Social Democrat, a party which the Nazis banned in 1933, and Schultz on several occasions is shown to be very disgusted by Hitler in particular and the Nazis in general. Schultz carries a Krag-Jørgensen rifle, which he never keeps loaded and tends to misplace or even hand to the POWs when he needs to use both hands ("Give me back my gun, or I'll SHOOT!"). He wears a fictitious version of the Iron Cross (4th Grade) awarded by General Kammler, a friend from World War I, who addresses Schultz by first name, and whom Schulz addresses as Lieutenant Kammler.[4] Schulz needs glasses to read[5] and is described by Klink as being "in his forties."[6] In reality, Banner was in his late fifties.

Frauleins Helga and Hilda

Fraulein Helga (Cynthia Lynn, 1965 to 1966) and Fraulein Hilda (Sigrid Valdis, 1966 to 1971) served as the secretaries of Colonel Klink. Both Fraulein Helga and Fraulein Hilda were portrayed as having ongoing flirting and kissing relationships with Colonel Hogan. Both also assisted Hogan and his men in various ways, including providing either tidbits of information, or access to official papers or equipment.

Sigrid Valdis and Bob Crane were married in 1970 on the sets of the filming studios in Culver City, Calif., where all of the interior and some of the exterior scenes of Hogan's Heroes were filmed. Nearly all of the crewmen and women, and all the cast members of the TV series were present, and Richard Dawson served as the "Best Man" to the groom.

Recurring characters

  • General der Infanterie Albert Hans "Hansy" Burkhalter (Leon Askin) is Klink's superior officer who frequently tires of Klink's babbling and his incompetence, telling him to "shut up" and threatening to send him to the Russian Front. Burkhalter was mystified by Stalag 13's perfect record, as no prisoners ever escaped under Klink's watch, and this helped assuage his taking further actions against Klink. Burkhalter affected to live a Spartan existence like a good German officer, but in reality, he loved the good life, even in war. He was scared to death of Mrs. Burkhalter, testifying to this several times during the series and after Hogan managed to get a few photos of the general with very attractive women. As the series progressed, he suspected Hogan's greater role at Stalag 13; however, in the end, Burkhalter, like the others, came to depend upon Hogan to get them out of trouble with the High Command when one scheme or the other ran off the tracks. Burkhalter is promoted from colonel to general by the High Command between the first and second episodes. His rank is equivalent to being a three-star general in the American forces.
  • Major Wolfgang Hochstetter (Howard Caine) of the Gestapo. Hochstetter is an ardent Nazi who never understands why Hogan is often allowed to barge into Klink's office at will. Hochstetter frequently demands of Klink "Who is this man?" or "What is this man doing here?!" with increasing stridency. Klink is justifiably afraid of him, but Burkhalter, who despises Hochstetter just as Klink does, is certainly not. In "War Takes a Holiday", Hogan tricks Hochstetter into lending his car to several underground leaders (presented by Hogan as potential captains of industry), who use it to escape just as Hochstetter's superiors arrive. Howard Caine played several other German officers in the show including Gestapo Colonel Feldkamp before becoming Major Hochstetter. Throughout the series, the rank insignia on Hochstetter's collar is that of a Standartenführer which translates to Oberst (colonel) in the Wehrmacht-a Major in the SS would be a Sturmbannführer.
  • Group Captain (Colonel) Rodney Crittendon (Bernard Fox), DSO, CBE, MC and Bar, DFC, AFC an RAF Group Captain. Crittendon is a British officer who crosses paths several times with Hogan and his crew. Crittendon believes that a POW's only focus should be escape. When first transferred to Stalag 13 from Stalag 18, Hogan poses a hypothetical question to Crittenden asking what he would do if he were aware the POWs were engaged in spying and sabotage. Crittenden replies that he would report them to the German authorities, thus preventing himself from being included in the official mission of the Stalag 13 POWs. In an early episode, Klink has him transferred from another camp because he is senior to Hogan, putting him in charge of the POWs. Crittendon was also known for developing and attempting to execute various forms of prison camp escapes that never worked, and for coming up with the secret "Crittendon Plan", which turned out to consist of planting geraniums along the sides of runways to cheer up returning British pilots. The rank "colonel" is inaccurate since, although the pay grades are equivalent, a group captain is never addressed as "colonel".
  • Marya (Nita Talbot) is a Soviet spy who works occasionally with Hogan, but whom he doesn't entirely trust. She often appears as the trusted paramour of some high-ranking German officer or scientist. She, Hogan, and LeBeau met in Paris during the second season "A Tiger Hunt In Paris, Parts 1 and 2" where she learns of his Stalag 13 activities. Her mission is to either discredit or destroy her paramours, as she notes that "...Hitler can't be expected to kill all of his generals...." Her schemes often come into conflict with Hogan's plans, but she nevertheless always proves faithful to the Allied cause. She is described as a "White Russian", but it is unclear whether this refers to her possible ethnicity as a Belarusian or her possible political allegiance to the Russian anti-communist White Movement. She is constantly flirting with Hogan, to his discomfort, and also flirts with LeBeau, who believes her to be an innocent, decent woman who won't sell out the Heroes. Her trademark line, said with an exaggerated Russian accent, is "Hogan, Dah-link".
  • Tiger (Arlene Martel), is a beautiful female French Underground contact, who has a running romance with Hogan. Hogan has noted that Tiger has saved his life at least once. Hogan describes Tiger as 'the' leader of the French Underground. He has freed her from the Gestapo twice: once on the way to Berlin via train, and once springing her from Gestapo headquarters in Paris, France.
  • Captain Fritz Gruber (Dick Wilson) is Klink's adjunct. During most of Hogan's Heroes, there is a conspicuous omission of any second-in-command to Kommandant Klink, and in fact, the omission of any junior Luftwaffe officers at all. In reality, a Stalag like this one had more than a few officer with the ranks of Lieutnant, Hauptmann (captain), and Maior (major) carrying out their duties under the command of the Kommandant. We can easily attribute the lack of such junior officers at Stalag 13 to money-spending restrictions on the producers of Hogan's Heroes. Without these characters, there were many fewer actors to hire and to pay.
    Captain Gruber makes a very few appearances is in charge of the camp when Klink is not available or is away on leave. In one episode, Gruber even became the new "Kommandant" of Stalag 13, when Gen. Burkhalter put him in charge of the camp instead of Klink. To ensure Klink is reinstated as Kommandant, Hogan orders three prisoners to escape and hide from Gruber's search parties. Gruber is unable to recapture them so Burkhalter turns to Klink to recapture the prisoners, which he does with the help of Hogan. General Burkhalter sees that he had made a mistake and gives Klink his old job back, and Gruber remains deputy.
  • Corporal Karl Langenscheidt (John Cedar), one of Shultz's guards. Langenscheidt often informs the distraught Colonel Klink when an important guest arrives, much to Klink's displeasure. Langenscheidt often arrives at the worst of times. In one episode, Langenscheidt gets involved in one of Hogan's schemes to forge a priceless painting which General Burkhalter intends to give to Hermann Göring. Klink sends Schultz and Langenscheidt to keep Hogan from escaping while they are in Paris.
  • Frau Gertrude (Burkhalter) Linkmeyer (Kathleen Freeman) is General Burkhalter's sister. She is usually in a one-sided relationship with Klink (who is scared to death of her), but Hogan manages to split the two one way or another. A running gag in several episodes with her is that Klink can run away with her M.I.A. husband Otto (in one episode Hogan commented "You two can start a club"); another running gag is Klink threatening to have Hogan shot for even suggesting Klink will marry Linkmeyer. She only appears in episodes with General Burkhalter.
  • Maurice Dubay (Felice Orlandi), is a French Underground contact who appeared in several episodes. (Orlandi's real-life wife, Alice Ghostley, appeared in two episodes, one time assuming the role of Frau Linkmeyer.)

Concerning the Pilot Episode

The pilot episode, "The Informer", was produced in black-and-white.[7] As with many pilot episodes, there are several differences from the series proper, such as Burkhalter being introduced as a colonel, instead of a general. There were many changes to Larry Hovis's character of Carter. In the pilot, he was credited as a guest star and is shown as a lieutenant, rather than a sergeant. "Lt. Carter" had recently escaped from another camp and at the end of the episode, is en route to England.

Leonid Kinskey appeared in the pilot episode as Vladimir Minsk, a Soviet POW who specializes in tailoring. Kinskey ultimately turned down a contract to become a permanent character, contending that the subject matter was being treated too lightly.[citation needed]

In the pilot, Col. Klink's secretary is actually part of Hogan's team, and she has access to the tunnels. In the actual TV series, she is merely willing to look the other way in exchange for a warm kiss from Hogan, or some other form of affectionate gesture. Eventually, during the run of the TV series, it is implied that she and Hogan have a running romance, especially when she hints at getting a diamond engagement ring in exchange for her help.

Theme music

The theme music for Hogan's Heroes was composed by Jerry Fielding, the drums being played by Bob Crane. The title of the theme music is "March" or "Hogan's Heroes March". There are lyrics[8] to the title music. While they were never sung in the show, they were performed on an album titled "Hogan's Heroes Sing The Best of World War II". On the album, the performed lyrics are as follows:

Heroes, heroes, husky men of war,
Sons of all the heroes, of the war before.
We're all heroes up to our ear o's,
You ask the questions,
We make suggestions,
That's what we're heroes for.

All good heroes love a nifty fight,
Open up the bomb bays, brighten up the night.
We earn laurels solving your quarrels,
You throw the roses,
We punch the noses,
That's what we're heroes for.

What's a hero do?
We're never gonna tell ya
Cause we wish we knew.
That's why we heroes are so few.
We've got a slogan,
From Colonel Hogan,
And Colonel Hogan's a hero too.

Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,
Heroes are not born, boys, heroes all are made.
Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys,
Answer the call, remember we'll all be heroes forever more.

Note: The lyrics printed in various publications of TV Theme music are slightly different than the performed lyrics.

A Rough Timeline of Hogan's Heroes

The exact chronology of the series was never established, but references are made in certain episodes.

  • The pilot program gives the year as February 1942. However, this is an anachronism, because there were not any American POWs in Germany in February 1942. The United States had just entered the war in the previous December, and none of the U.S. Army Air Forces had has time to mobilize and move to England by then. That was something that was accomplished many months later on in 1942.
  • In the episode "The Great Brinksmeyer Robbery" (Season 2, Episode 18), Colonel Klink tunes in to a live BBC news broadcast which describes the Battle of El Alamein which took place from October 23rd to November 5th, 1942.
  • In another episode, Hogan says to Klink, "But you know, sir, you can't believe all the rumors you hear around here. We even heard the Russians won at Stalingrad." The Battle of Stalingrad lasted from July 1942 to February 1943.
  • One episode shows Hogan holding up a sign that reads, "Colonel Klink and his magic violin presents: "Great Escapes of 1943."
  • The episode "Go Light on the Heavy Water" appears to be set in the period following the bombing of the Norwegian heavy water factory in November 1943.
  • One episode is set on the eve of D-Day, June 6, 1944, the date of the massive Allied invasion of Normandy, on the coast of France.
  • Another episode involves Hogan providing a German with a briefcase equipped with a time bomb intended to kill the German Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler, referring to Claus von Stauffenberg's failed assassination attempt on Hitler of July 20, 1944.
  • In one episode, Hogan refers to a Japanese kamikaze plane, whose missions began in October 1944, during the first American landings in the Philippines (on the island of Leyte).
  • Another episode has Kinchloe receiving vital news that "The St. Louis Browns lead the Yankees...", which was in August or September, 1944. (That was the only season the Browns ever did win the American League pennant.)
  • In the episode "Monkey Business", a sign outside the barracks reads December 13, 1944.
  • In the second season episode, "General Swap", Sgt. Kinchloe mentions that the Heroes have been in Stalag 13 for two years.
  • In the "Klink's Rocket" episode - a.k.a. the "rocket gun episode" - Col. Klink remarks that the Allied Forces will be "stopped" before they get to Munich, which was captured on April 30, 1945.
  • In the final episode of the TV series, "Rockets of Romance", Hogan states that he has been a POW for three years.

As with some other war-related series such as M*A*S*H, the TV program lasted much longer than the actual surrounding events had. While the series ran for six seasons, the American direct involvement in the World War II was less than four years (December 7, 1941 through September 2, 1945). Also, World War II in Europe ended on May 7, 1945, by the American calendar, May 8th by the European calendar.

During the end credits of Hogan's Heroes, a World War I Imperial German Spiked Pickelhaube Helmet has a World War II United States Army Air Forces officer's cap hanging on its spike.

Controversies

The producers of the 1953 feature film Stalag 17, a World War II prisoner of war film released by Paramount Pictures (which now owns the DVD rights to Hogan's Heroes), unsuccessfully sued Bing Crosby productions for infringement.[9] In his book, My War, Andy Rooney, who was a friend of Don Bevan and Ed Trzcinski-the authors of the original Stalag 17 play-relates that "...someone at CBS apparently ripped off their idea and made a television series called Hogan's Heroes of it. The television program had too many similarities in character and plot to be coincidental, and when Don and Ed sued the network they won a huge award."[10]

In 2002, TV Guide named Hogan's Heroes the fifth worst TV show of all time. [11] The listing for Hogan's Heroes in particular accuses the show of trivializing the suffering of real life POWs and the victims of the Holocaust with its comedic take on prison camps in the Third Reich. However, the Luftwaffe, who had jurisdiction over captured enemy aviators and air crews (regardless of whether they belonged to their respective nation's army, air force, navy or other service) is generally agreed to have provided noticeably more comfortable and gentlemanly accommodations than the Wehrmacht or SS, stemming from their First War philosophy that aviators were "knights of the air" and to be treated with chivalry.[citation needed]

Comedian Tony Figueroa has offered a possible explanation for the disparate views of the program by modern audiences. He believes that some viewers look badly upon the show because they think it trivializes the atrocities of war or because they have fundamentally misapprehended the setting of the show.

These Hogan's Heroes critics who confuse the POW camps with the concentration/death camps speaks more about the quality of the general public's level of historical awareness than the quality of what William Shatner would call, "Just a TV show!"[12]

Reception

During the original run of the program, Hogan's Heroes was three times nominated for the Emmy for Best Comedy Series.[13] The television academy's faith in the show is generally confirmed by most modern viewers. As of 2008, online participants overwhelmingly deemed it a show that "never jumped the shark".[14] Likewise, about 93% of respondents at tv.com rated the show as "good" or better, as of 2008.[15]

Jewish actors

The actors who played the four major German roles-Werner Klemperer (Klink), John Banner (Schultz), Leon Askin (Burkhalter) and Howard Caine (Hochstetter)--were Jewish. Furthermore, Klemperer, Banner, Askin and Robert Clary (LeBeau) were Jews who had fled the Nazis during World War II. Clary says in the recorded commentary on the DVD version of episode "Art for Hogan's Sake" that he spent three years in a concentration camp, that his parents and other family members were killed there, and that he has an identity tattoo from the camp on his arm. Likewise John Banner had been held in a (pre-war) concentration camp and his family was exterminated during the war. Leon Askin was also in a pre-war French internment camp and his parents were killed at Treblinka. Howard Caine (Hochstetter), who was also Jewish (his birth name was Cohen), was American, and Jewish actors Harold Gould and Harold J. Stone played German generals.

As a teenager, Werner Klemperer (Klink) (son of the great conductor Otto Klemperer) fled Hitler's Germany with his family in 1933. During the show's production, he insisted that Hogan always win over his Nazi captors. He defended his playing a Luftwaffe Officer by claiming, "I am an actor. If I can play Richard III, I can play a Nazi." Banner attempted to sum up the paradox of his role by saying, "Who can play Nazis better than us Jews?" Ironically, although Klemperer, Banner, Caine, Gould and Askin play typecast World War II German types, all had actually served in the US Armed Forces during World War II – Banner[16] and Askin in the US Army Air Corps, Caine in the US Navy, Gould with the US Army, and Klemperer in a US Army Entertainment Unit.

The German-language Version of Hogan's Heroes

Hogan's Heroes was not broadcast in Germany on German television until 1992. [Whether or not it was in Austria or Switzerland is unknown.] The original German-language dubbed version was titled Stacheldraht und Fersengeld ("Barbed Wire and Turning Tail"). The program was next re-dubbed and re-broadcasr in 1994 as Ein Käfig voller Helden ("A Cage of Heroes"), which gained considerable popularity.[citation needed] Hogan's Heroes had been broadcast over the American Armed Forces Network in Germany in 1974 for one or two episodes, but the German government strongly requested its removal, and the management of American Armed Forces TV complied with this request and took it off the air.[citation needed]

In the newer German-language version of Hogan's Heroes, the Germans and Austrians speak in various different accents. It amplifies the contrast between Colonel Klink (who portrays the Prussian stereotype but has an accent from Saxony) and Sergeant Schultz (who portrays the Urbayern Bavarian stereotype), which gives the German version of Hogan's Heroes another slapstick element. Furthermore, Klink's choice of vocabulary and memorable quotes add more gags that would not be possible in a direct translation of the original English-language version of Hogan's Heroes.

All of the American characters in Hogan's Heroes speak High German (Standard German). General Burkhalter speaks with strong Austrian accent, especially to go along with the fact that the actor who played this role, Leon Askin, was born in Vienna, Austria.

A major change to the German version of Hogan's Heroes is that Corporal Newkirk, who speaks with a British accent in the original, has his voice changed to that of an exaggerated stutterer in the German version. Another change that was made is in Sergeant Schultz's first name. This is "Hans" in the English version, but they changed this to "Georg" in the German version, for no apparent reason.

Apart from all of the above, there are numerous departures from the original stories, which introduce factors which are not present in the English Hogan's Heroes. Among other things, the German version introduces a new character, "Kalinke", who is Klink's cleaning lady and also his perennial mistress. Of course, she is referred to, but never seen, because she was nonexistent in the films of the TV program. Colonel Klink describes her as performing most of her cleaning duties in the nude.[17]

Hogan's Heroes in HD

Universal HD broadcasts Hogan's Heroes in High Definition. [18]

DVD releases

CBS DVD (distributed by Paramount) has released all six seasons of Hogan's Heroes on DVD in Region 1 as full season sets. The series was previously released by Columbia House as individual discs, each with five or six consecutive episodes.

DVD Name Ep # Release Date
The Complete First Season 32 March 15, 2005
The Complete Second Season 30 September 27, 2005
The Complete Third Season 30 March 7, 2006
The Complete Fourth Season 26 August 15, 2006
The Complete Fifth Season 26 December 19, 2006
The Sixth & Final Season 24 June 5, 2007
The Complete Series 168 November 10, 2009

In Australia, all 6 series have been released by CBS DVD (distributed by Paramount), in Region 4.

DVD Name Ep # Release Date
The First Season 32 July 30, 2008
Season 2, 40th Anniversary Collector's Edition 30 November 7, 2008
The Third Season 30 March 5, 2009
The Fourth Season 26 June 3, 2009
The Fifth Season 26 August 4, 2009
The Sixth & Final Season 24 September 30, 2009
The Complete Series: Kommandant's Kollection 168 December 3, 2009

In popular culture

In a scene from the film Turistas, a character is seen watching the show on television.

Mad magazine #108 (January 1967) parodied the show as "Hokum's Heroes". An additional one-page parody called "Hochman's Heroes" took the show's premise to the next level by setting it in Buchenwald concentration camp.

In the Batman episode "It's the Way You Play the Game", Colonel Klink appears in one of the show's trademark window cameos as Batman scales the side of a building.

In 1974 the Stalag 13 buildings were used for the notorious concentration camp Nazi exploitation film Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS.

Colonel Klink (voiced by Klemperer himself) appears on The Simpsons in the episode "The Last Temptation of Homer", as a guardian angel assuming the form of a character Homer knows, who shows Homer what his life would be like without Marge. Throughout the episode Homer tells Klink of the tunnels and radio that were hidden from him throughout Hogan's Heroes.

The Simpsons episode "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken" features a parody of the song "Kids" from the musical Bye Bye Birdie. One of the lines is "Adults! You run our lives like you're Col Klink!/Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!"

Furthermore, one of the Germans that buy Burns's power plant in The Simpsons episode "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk" alludes to the show: "The new owners have elected me to speak with you because I am the most non-threatening. Perhaps I remind you of the lovable Sergeant Schultz on Hogan's Heroes."

Colonel Klink and Sergeant Schultz appear in the Robot Chicken episode "Metal Militia", voiced by Seth Green. In a segment that parodies this show, Hulk Hogan and other wrestlers were in the place of Colonel Hogan and his inmates as they plan to make their escape at the time when Adolf Hitler pays a visit to Colonel Klink's Stalag 13 camp.

Recess; aside from the opening theme that musically resembles Hogan's theme, the general set of the story lines are derivative of Hogan's Heroes. In one episode, "The Old Folks Home", when a retiree, Logan, tells T. J. of his past in the war and a small flashback shows that the retiree's past clearly resembles Hogan's Heroes. Logan stands with his group in front of a barracks with the number 13 on it, and the commandant wears a monocle and carries Klink's military crop.

NFL running back Correll Buckhalter has been nicknamed "The General" by ESPN's Chris Berman after the General Burkhalter character. Berman will usually say his name followed by something like "Klink! You are an idiot!"

The Family Guy episode "Emission Impossible" sees character Cleveland Brown muttering Schultz's famous "I SEE NOTHING, NOTHING!" as he sees Stewie exit the body of a robot built to resemble Peter. On another episode, Chris is working at a golfing range, and his boss pops out of a tunnel in the ground with Chris's paycheck, and says to Chris, "Yeah it's a tunnel like Hogan's Heroes, you wanna fight about it?"

The Decepticon Blitzwing in Transformers Animated speaks in a German accent, and the face of his "Icy" persona has one optical sensor shaped like a monocle.

In an episode of Alf, Brian Tanner and Alf are reviewing Brian's World War II quiz. The question is "What German leader was responsible for the start of World War II?" When told that it wasn't Col. Klink, Alf replies that it must have been Sgt. Schultz, although he "didn't think he had it in him."

In the "Pop Art" episode of Good Eats concerning homemade popcorn, host Alton Brown is having trouble finding a name for the unpopped pieces. When he calls them 'old maids', an Old Lady appears and hits him with an umbrella. When he calls them 'little orphans' a Charles Dickens style orphan appears and kicks him in the shins. When he hesitatingly calls them 'bad kernels', a monocle wearing actor (actually camera operator Ramon Engle) portraying Col. Klink appears and says "Maybe you need to spend some time in the cooler, Mr Brown!" Alton offers him some popcorn to which he says "Nein!"

In the "Wings over Hooterville" episode of Green Acres, Lisa tells the locals how she and Mr Douglas met during WWII when he was shot down. During the flashback, we see him shot down and as he radios to his commander his situation, his Commander suggests "If the Krauts capture you, demand to be sent to Stalag 13. Ask for a chap named Hogan."

In the "It's Gerald's Way or the Highway" episode of The Goode Family, Gerald is sure his tough but tender talk and vegetarian stew will be enough to calm down some Nazi Skinheads. His daughter Bliss suggests to be on the safe side "...we should have Hogan's Heroes playing in the background so they can see the lighter, zanier side of Nazism."

In the 2002 pilot for a remake of The Time Tunnel the team goes back to World War II at the Battle of Hürtgen Forest. When the team is almost captured, two of them have switched to German uniforms and pretend to be Colonel Klink and (Sergeant) Schultz, complete with fake documents.

Merchandise

In 1965, Fleer produced a 66 trading card set for the series.

Between 1966 and 1969, Dell Comics produced 9 issues based on the series, all with photo covers.

In 1968, Robert Clary, Richard Dawson, Ivan Dixon, and Larry Hovis cut an LP record, Hogan's Heroes Sing the Best of World War II, which included lyrics for the theme song. The record did not sell well and as a result is today considered a collector's item.

In 1968, MPC (Model Products by Craft Master, Model Products Corp.) released a model jeep in 1/25th scale with spurious markings labeled as "Hogan's Heroes World War II Jeep". In 2003 another model (from the same mold, but with slightly different–though still spurious–decals) was released by AMT/ERTL. It cannot be built as a correct WW2 military jeep, regardless of markings, without body work due to the fact it has a tailgate opening; but it includes alternate parts to build a correct CJ-2A. A decal on the model read, "If found, return to Colonel Hogan".

See also

Notes

  1. ^ "D-Day at Stalag 13". Hogan's Heroes. September 23, 1967. No. 3, season 3.
  2. ^ a b "Kommandant of the Year". Hogan's Heroes. 1 October 1965. No. 3, season 1.
  3. ^ "War Takes A Holiday". Hogan's Heroes. 27 January 1968. No. 21, season 3. .
  4. ^ "The Rise and Fall of Sergeant Schultz"
  5. ^ "To the Gestapo With Love"
  6. ^ "Killer Klink"
  7. ^ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0602418/
  8. ^ http://www.headington.org.uk/adverts/themes/hi.htm
  9. ^ Christopher Null. "Stalag 17: A film review". Filmcritic.com. http://www.filmcritic.com/misc/emporium.nsf/reviews/Stalag-17. Retrieved 2008-08-01. 
  10. ^ Rooney, Andy. My War. New York: Random House, 1995. p. 264
  11. ^ http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/07/12/entertainment/main515057.shtml The Worst TV Shows Ever*, CBS News, July 12, 2002.
  12. ^ Figueroa, Tony. "Reflections on Hogan's Heroes". BlogCritics Magazine. 9 June 2006.
  13. ^ http://www.hogansheroesfanclub.com/awards.php Hogan's Heroes Fan Club - Awards
  14. ^ jumptheshark.com rating for Hogan's Heroes
  15. ^ tv.com poll on Hogan's Heroes
  16. ^ Axis History Forum
  17. ^ Steinmetz, Greg (1996-05-31), "In Germany Now, Col. Klink’s Maid Cleans in the Nude", Wall Street Journal: A1, http://www.hogansheroesfanclub.com/articleWSJ31May1996.php 
  18. ^ http://www.universalhd.com/app/Schedule/?keyword=HEROES Hogan's Heroes in HD

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Hogan's Heroes was an American television situation comedy that ran from September 17, 1965 to July 4, 1971 on the CBS network for 168 episodes. Starring Bob Crane as Colonel Robert Hogan, the show was set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp for Western Allied prisoners during World War II.

Contents

Season 1

Hold That Tiger [1.02]

Schultz: I see nothing. I was not here. I did not even get up this morning!

[General Hofstader gets out of his staff car and marches over to Klink.]
Colonel Klink: What an honor to have you here —
General Hofstader: Where is my tank, Klink?
Colonel Klink: Hasn't it come back yet?
General Hofstader: No. Klink, I released a tank to you to put down a riot by prisoners. I see no riot, I see no tank! All I see is a Colonel about to become Corporal!
Colonel Klink: Please, General — it will turn up! I have searched the barracks, the surrounding areas and the prisoners—
General Hofstader: [sarcastically]: The prisoners? Nobody had it in his pocket?! We are talking about a Tiger tank Klink!! Not a toy dump truck!

Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Steal a German tank?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: We'll give it back... after we take it apart and make blueprints of it.
Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Well, how do we get ahold of it?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: How do we get it in here?
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank?
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Where do we take it apart?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look, I got the idea of stealing it, right? The rest is detail.

Kommandant of the Year [1.03]

Col. Klink: Tell me, Schultz, which colonel is running this camp, Hogan or me? I sometimes wonder.
Schultz: Me, too, Herr Komman…
[Klink gets up.]
Col. Klink: I am the colonel who will sign your transfer for the Russian front.
Schultz: Boy, are you running the camp!

The Late Inspector General [1.04]

Klink: I am well aware, Colonel Hogan, there is nothing you and your men would not do to try to undermine my position, even to have me replaced.
Hogan: Replace you, are you kidding? We'd do anything to keep you here.

[After Kinchloe switches on a tape of a BBC broadcast in the presence of Klink, Schultz, and the Inspector General von Platzen.]
Klink: Schultz! Where is that radio?
Schultz: They didn't tell me!
Klink: Find it at once!
Schultz: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Klink: [as the Schultz and the other guards search] Hogan! Where does that voice come from?
Hogan: From the accent, I'd say England.

The Flight of the Valkyrie [1.05]

[Hogan brings in a "disguised" woman in male uniform.]
Schultz: Where did she come from? Don't tell me, but wherever it was, put her back!

The Prisoner's Prisoner [1.06]

Schmidt: What is it you want?
Hogan: Cleveland.
Schmidt: Cleveland?
Hogan: I want to be Burgermeister. Oh, you don't have to worry about me, sir. I'll be loyal. One set of books.

Hogan: If the Germans can have an American prisoner, why can't the American prisoners have a German prisoner? If we're wrong, what are they gonna do, lock us up?

German Bridge is Falling Down [1.07]

Hogan: We're gonna build the bridge with a very special feature.
Newkirk: What do you mean by that?
Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb.

Klink: Bribe me, eh? I will throw them in the cooler for life. Even after the war. Even if we lose!

Klink: If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing. You - are - ignorant.
Schultz: Oh, I can handle that.
Klink: I know.

Schultz: [reading graffiti] "Hess is a mess." "Himmler is a rat fink." "Göring is a fat rat fink." [starts laughing] "Colonel Klink is bucking for rat fink!"

Hogan: [walks over with Klink to the ammunitions building; the painting has blurred the graffiti very little after being watered] You ordered us the paint the building; we painted it!
Klink: Colonel Hogan, this is not what I had in mind. I can still read those insults. Now, you will paint it again, and again, if necessary, until those insulting statements are gone. Now, PAINT IT! [storms away]
Hogan: [to the Allied POWs] All right, fellas, you heard the Kommandant. Now, let's get it right!

[sometime later, Hogan walks back over with Klink to the ammunitions building; Klink is horrified]

Klink: [tantruming] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! [the building is now pink] A pink building on a military establishment? Are you mad?! If you think I wouldn't turn you over to the Gestapo, you are sadly mistaken.
Hogan: Come on, Colonel. It's about time we got a little color into the war. Everything's so drab.

Movies Are Your Best Escape [1.08]

Hogan: Carter, what are the boys in the metal shop working on?
Carter: Reversible tie pins. On one side it says "Heil Hitler". On the other, "I was in Switzerland during the war".

Go Light on the Heavy Water [1.09]

[Hogan is kissing Helga.]
Helga: Mmm, you smell good.
Hogan: The boys whipped up a little aftershave.
[Kisses her again.]
Helga: It's very exciting.
Hogan: It's called "unconditional surrender".

Top Hat, White Tie and Bomb Sight [1.10]

Hogan: Newkirk, what about a civilian suit this time for me?
Newkirk: Righto, guv'nor, you got it.
Hogan: Good. 'Civilian.' What a beautiful word. Next to 'girls.'
Newkirk: Colonel, don't you ever think about anything else but dames?
Hogan: Of course I do, but I fight it.

Burkhalter: Now let me see what we can do with Colonel Hogan.
Klink: I will have him brought here and we will start strenuous interrogation at once.
Burkhalter: Klink, you not only are irresistible, but you are also very subtle.
Klink: Thank you, sir!
Burkhalter: Like a broken leg.

Happiness is a Warm Sergeant [1.11]

Klink: Don't you give me any credit for having any brains?
Hogan: I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might tell the truth.

The Scientist [1.12]

Hogan: Colonel, you worry too much.
Klink: I worry? Huh. Your life is easy. You're only a prisoner of war.

Hogan: Didn't you learn anything from DuBois?
LeBeau: Well, most of the time we just made crepes suzettes.

The Pizza Parlor [1.22]

Hogan:: LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
LeBeau:: Pizza?! You would ask a Frenchman to cook a piece of cardboard with tomato sauce?
Hogan:: We swear not to tell anybody.
LeBeau: Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes. To climb a barbed wire, yes. But to make a pizza, no.
Hogan: We all have to make sacrifices.
Klink: Let me remind you, Colonel Hogan, that the Italians are on our side.
Hogan: Don't remind me, remind them.

The Battle of Stalag 13

Colonel Klink: Yesterday, I was only worried about the Russian front — now it looks like paradise. Hogan, what am I going to do?
[Hogan looks down at his watch.]
Colonel Hogan: Put your fingers in your ears.
{In the distance there is an explosion, Hogan drops casually while Klink and Schultz drop to ground cowering)
Colonel Klink: What was that?!
Colonel Hogan: Sounded like a staff car blowing up.
[In the distance there is a second explosion.]
Colonel Hogan:Coincidence — another staff car blowing up."
Colonel Klink: You knew those cars were going to blow up! How?
Colonel Hogan: It's obvious, sir — the Wehrmacht and Gestapo double-crossed each other.
Colonel Klink: Do you expect me to believe that?
Colonel Hogan: No sir, but it'll look neater in your report to Berlin.

[Lookouts warn Schultz is coming, Hogan hides picture of the area and pulls down portrait of a beautiful woman.]
Colonel Hogan: Now this is a woman. W-O-M-A-N, Oh, hi Schultz.
Schultz: What is thisl?
Hogan: It's a lecture i have to give every six months — army regulations.
Schultz: I don't believe you.
Hogan: You wanna know what we were really doing?
Schultz: No!

Colonel Klink: What am I going to do?!
Colonel Hogan: Think that the train will blow up.
Colonel Klink: The train will blow up?!
Colonel Hogan: Only if you believe. And you better do it quick.
Colonel Klink: I believe.
[Hogan looks down at his watch.]
Colonel Hogan: Again.
Colonel Klink: I believe.
[Hogan looks down at his watch.]
Colonel Hogan: Once more.
Colonel Klink: I believe! Oh, this is ridiculous.
[Distant explosion.]
Colonel Klink: What was that?!
Colonel Hogan: Sounded like a train blowing up.

Colonel Hogan: Remember, the enemy is everywhere.
Sergeant Schultz: Enemy?! Me an enemy?! I'm just as loyal a German soldier as any prisoner here in this room.
Colonel Hogan: We know that Schultz and we respect you for it.

[Hogan and the boys are about to blow up a radar tower.]
Hogan: Here we go.
Carter Sir, may I?
Hogan: Of course — where are my manners? These pyromaniacs are so sensitive.

[Carter and a German scientist who has just defected.]
Carter: Professor forgive my professional curiousity but do you think our side will ever make an atomic bomb?
Professor I hope not. It would be noisy. Very noisy.

Colonel Klink: No prisoner escapes from Stalag 13.
Hogan: I keep forgetting.

Colonel Klink: No prisoner escapes, not last night, not tonight, not never.
Hogan: You know, that's true.
Colonel Klink: Really?

Schultz: Hogan, there is a prisoner missing! Hogan, PLEASE, not again!

Klink: Even if I say so myself, [chuckles] when I turn on the charm, I can be irresistible.
Burkhalter: I have never had any trouble resisting you.

[Repeated line, whenever Hogan makes a comment.]
Major Hochsetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE?!!!!!!

[Repeated line.]
Major Hochsetter: All heads will roll!

[Repeated line.]
Schultz: I see nothing!!!!

Carter: Hello? Oh, hi... I didn't mean to hang up on you before but you really do have the wrong number. This is a prisoner of war camp. Who am I? I'm a prisoner.
Hogan: Carter...

Klink For the Defense

General Burkhalter: Klink is a magnificent actor. Look how well he's played the part of a German officer all these years.

Major Hochstetter: Kommandant Klink: a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good.

Colonel Klink: I have been appointed Haufman's defense council.
Colonel Hogan: How'd that happen?
Colonel Klink: I'm told I volunteered.

Colonel Hogan: What's your defense?
Colonel Klink: Since Colonel Houfman has served his country gallantly in the past, I will try and get him a smaller firing squad.

[before the court-martial]
Colonel Klink: I don't think I'll have any trouble getting him off with the death penalty.

Misc. Quotes

[An escaped prisoner has stolen a German truck]
LeBeau: Hey, this is a late model! How much can we get for it on the black market?

Schultz: How are you going to get him out of the camp?
[Hogan is about to say something]
Schultz: (Very quickly in an anguished voice) Please don't tell me.

Colonel Hogan: Why not? We don't have to be enemies just because we're... enemies!

Carter: Colonel... are you sure that's a good plan?
Colonel Hogan: You got a better one?
[Pause]
Carter: Good plan.

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
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