Judging Amy: Wikis


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Judging Amy
Judging Amy.jpg
The cast
Format Serial drama
Created by Amy Brenneman
Bill D'Elia
John Tinker
Starring Amy Brenneman
Dan Futterman
Richard T. Jones
Kevin Rahm
Marcus Giamatti
Jessica Tuck
Karle Warren
Jillian Armenante
Timothy Omundson
Tyne Daly
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 6
No. of episodes 138
Running time 60 minutes
Original channel CBS
Original run September 19, 1999 (1999-09-19) – May 3, 2005 (2005-05-03)

Judging Amy is an American television drama that aired from September 19, 1999, until May 3, 2005, on CBS. The show stars Amy Brenneman and Tyne Daly. Its main character is a judge who serves in a family court, and in addition to the family-related cases that she adjudicates, many episodes of the show focus on her own experiences as a divorced parent and on the experiences of her mother, a social worker concerned with child welfare. The show is based on Amy Brenneman's mother's actual life.

After six seasons, Judging Amy was canceled by CBS on May 18, 2005. In the United States, reruns aired on the TNT cable channel, but the show was removed for their fall 2007 lineup. The final broadcast was on August 31, 2007, with the airing of the fifth-season episode "The Long Good-Bye". In Canada, it airs on the W Network owned by Corus Entertainment.



Brenneman played Amy Gray, a young New York attorney who, after separating from her husband, returns with her young daughter to her childhood home in Hartford, Connecticut. She becomes a judge on that city's family court at age thirty-four and eventually gets a divorce. Her mother (with whom she lives), played by Daly, is a caseworker for the Department of Children and Families. In what turned out to be the series finale, Amy quits the judiciary to run for the U.S. Senate.

Critical reception

Several reviewers have suggested that the show took inspiration from the formula established by Providence.[1] Reviewers also cite the relationship between Brenneman and Daly's characters as the selling point of the show.[2]

Amy Gray makes reference to "Providence" in episode 3.18, "The Justice League of America." In this episode, Amy is attending her 10 year Harvard Law reunion and her old friends can't seem to remember that Amy now lives in Hartford; they continually believe she's living in Providence. Finally, Amy says "It's Hartford, David. Providence is a whole other universe."

However, the show has been criticised for "an abundance of clichés in the show's structure", "shallow examinations of moral issues"[2], and "little substance"[3]. Philip Michaels, writing for TeeVee.org, criticises the show's formula, stating "The emotional tenor of the legal cases that carry most of the narrative load run the gamut from maudlin to preachy and back to maudlin again by way of manipulative." However, he acknowledges "Judging Amy isn't watershed television, but then, it doesn't purport to be."[citation needed]


Main characters

  • Judge Amy Gray-Cassidy, played by Amy Brenneman: After separating from her husband, Amy Gray returns to her childhood home with her daughter, becomes a judge on Hartford's family court, gets a divorce and tries to get on with her life. Balancing her new job, her family and trying to rebuild her love life isn't easy, but she keeps trying. She makes a name for herself in family court for her unusual methods and sentences and her stubbornness, which sometimes gets her in trouble. She dates several men, but her two longest and more serious relationships are with lawyer Stuart Collins and ADA David McClaren. With Stuart, they dislike each other at first, but when she asks him to be Eric Black's lawyer, they get closer and finally get engaged. However, Amy leaves him at the altar on their wedding day, saying he has a way to always convince her to do things she doesn't want to do. She meets ADA David McClaren during her short stint in the criminal court, and things are rocky from the start. Eventually, Amy becomes pregnant by him and they plan to marry, but things fall apart when she miscarries and they part ways soon thereafter. In the last episode of the series, she quits the judiciary to run for Senate, to try to prevent the passing of some laws that will effectively end the juvenile justice system by allowing the State's Attorney's office to try teenagers as adults at their own discretion.
  • Maxine McCarty Gray, played by Tyne Daly: Amy's widowed mother. A social worker for DCF (the Department of Children and Families), she retired once but returns to the job at the start of the series, and she's willing to do whatever it takes to help the children in her care, even bending the law. She's an opinionated, strong willed woman, very set in her ways and capable of holding long grudges (she hasn't spoken to her brother in over 12 years) but loving to her family. Her relationship with daughter Amy is often not easy, since they're too much alike. After a troubled courtship, she becomes engaged to rich businessman Jared Duff, but he dies 48 hours before the wedding (due to the death of Richard Crenna who played the character). By the end of the series, she becomes engaged once again to Ignacio Messina. She has two heart attacks in the last season and has to undergo open heart surgery, but eventually makes certain lifestyle changes and recovers well.
  • Vincent Gray (episodes 1–51 & 100–138), played by Dan Futterman: Amy's gifted[4] younger brother, with whom she has always been closest. Vincent is the winner of a Pushcart Prize for a collection of short stories titled "A Fortunate Son". Shortly at the beginning of the series, he becomes room-mates with Donna, with whom later he becomes best friends. As he attempts to continue his writing career, he holds a number of different jobs: dogwasher, reporter, and free-lancer. He eventually marries his girlfriend, Carole Tobey (Sara Mornell), who has breast cancer, and leaves with her for San Francisco, parting with Amy on very bad terms. Some time later, his cousin Kyle arranges for him to arrive as a surprise to Amy's wedding to Stuart Collins. The wedding never happens, but he patches things up with Amy. He returns home soon after, explaining that Carole has left him for her oncologist. He later explains that this was a lie, and that he left his wife because he could not handle the struggle of taking care of her. Still stuck on his new book, he gets a new job as a social worker.
  • Kyle McCarty (episodes 53–118), played by Kevin Rahm: Amy's cousin, the son of Maxine's estranged brother Richard (William Devane). A former medical student who was expelled because of problems related to his addiction to drugs. Shunning his father, he comes to his aunt Maxine for help. She gives him a home and gets him a job as a counsellor at a facility for runaway teens. He later moves in to share a flat with Donna after Vincent leaves and finds a hospital willing to give him a new chance to finish his medical residency, and gets into a complicated on/off relationship with fellow doctor Heather Labonte as well as fighting an attraction to his supervisor, Dr. Lily Reddicker. After his father dies, he quits his job and finds a new path in life as a medic with the SWAT unit. He finally decides to accompany his ex-girlfriend Heather to Minnesota and take care of their son while she's in rehabilitation.
  • Peter Gray, played by Marcus Giamatti: Amy's older brother. He inherited the family business from his father and he's good at it, even if it wasn't his first choice in life. He's a good but grey man who sometimes surprises people with some outbursts. He's married to Gillian and they have been trying to have children for a long time. They agree to adopt the son of a pregnant girl called Evie, and he turns out to be half African-American. Some time after adopting Ned, Gillian gets pregnant and gives birth to Walt. Things get rocky after Walt's birth and they separate for a while, even dating other people. Peter goes through a "rebellion" phase, trying to recall his teenage dreams, until he finds out his business is almost bankrupt. Soon after, he finally reconciles with his wife.
  • Gillian Gray, played by Jessica Tuck: Peter's wife. A controlling woman with a good heart who completely loves her husband. She is usually well-meaning, but also often obsessive and nerve-wracking. After being unable to get pregnant, they adopt baby Ned. Some time later, however, she gets surprisingly pregnant, but things go wrong during the delivery of her son Walt, and she falls into a coma for a while. She and Peter have problems soon after, and she even dates another man, but they finally reconcile.
  • Lauren Cassidy, played by Karle Warren: Amy's daughter, six years old at the start of the series. A mostly well-adjusted girl going through the pains of childhood and pre-adolescence with divorced parents but a loving family. As a young girl, she struggles over her father's relationship with Leesha, whom she likes at first. When Lauren is 12, her uncle Peter, takes her for her haircut and she returns home with her long straight hair cut into a hipper, shoulder-length cut. Her boyfriend Victor turns out to be the son of her mother's boyfriend, David McClaren, which causes Lauren to feel both awkward and disgusted. When Amy becomes pregnant with David's child, Lauren reveals what a total blow to her social life this will be and is furious, but later, becomes accepting and supporting of her mother after she miscarries. Towards the end of the series Lauren begins to hang out with a group of friends who embrace the Straight edge culture, which puts her at odds with her mother.
  • Bruce Calvin van Exel, played by Richard T. Jones: Amy's Court Services Officer, who eventually becomes her friend. The series addresses a number of issues of their cross-racial friendship and how each feels differently about it. Bruce is a stubborn man with strong convictions, whose advice Amy comes to find invaluable. He has a daughter, Rebecca, whose mother breaks up with him after he gives her an ultimatum to move in together. At one point, Bruce is suspended from work for punching a man. He performs community service in a soup kitchen before returning to work with Amy. He is also a fairly devout Catholic, and not thrilled when his sister Winnie takes Rebecca to her more traditional black church with 'more interesting prayers.' Rebecca and Lauren attend the same middle school. In the second-to-last episode, he quits his job to complete his Master's in Family Counselling, something he always wanted to do. There's an attraction between him and Amy that's sometimes acknowledged, but never really explored.
  • Donna Kozlowski, played by Jillian Armenante: Amy's clerk. An eccentric woman from a wealthy family, from whom she's estranged. Donna is intellectually a genius (she finishes her law degree in one and a half years) but socially awkward. She is married to a convicted murderer, Oscar Ray Pant, and becomes roommates with Amy's brother Vincent. While living with him, she has a daughter by Oscar, Ariadne Gray Pant, to whom she gives birth in a plastic pool in Amy's living room. Her mother arrives while Donna is in the pool, but is unable to offer her support and leaves. Maxine ends up getting in the pool with Donna. Later Oscar confesses to Donna that he's really guilty and she divorces him. Upon passing the bar, Amy fires her so she would go to work as lawyer, and she becomes a court-appointed minor counsel for the Hartford Youth Advocates, whose office is across the hall from Amy's.
  • Sean Potter, played by Timothy Omundson: Maxine's boss and later friend, who has his hands full dealing with Maxine's unorthodox methods. Initially a bit green in his supervisory role (he uses percentages constantly in common conversation), he loosens up over time after his exposure to and friendship with Maxine. Sean and Bruce (Amy's court services officer) become friends and work together to establish alternative treatment programs for youthful offenders (such as "Gun 101"), and Sean is revealed in one episode as an avid karaoke singer...which comes in handy for entertaining the guests at Amy's and Stuart's wedding (which doesn't quite come off). Sean also dates the daughter (Courtney Messina played by Jossara Jinaro) of Maxine's beau (Ignacio) for a while, entertaining her elderly grandmother with a rendition of "Vaya con Dios" (an inappropriate selection for an octogenarian, according to Ignacio).

Secondary characters

  • Eric Black, played by Blake Bashoff: A gay teenager who has been abused several times. When all else fails, Maxine reluctantly takes him into her own home, where he rapidly bonds with the family, and afterwards Sean becomes his foster father. Eventually, Eric protectively confronts and kills a stalker who's after Amy and Lauren. He is tried and found not guilty, but as Maxine no longer trusts him, he decides to run away to Canada with his boyfriend, Mark.
  • Dr. Lily Reddicker, played by Kristin Lehman: Hospital Chief of Staff who takes a chance by hiring Amy's cousin Kyle. She is a no nonsense supervisor who nonetheless recognizes Kyle's superb medical skills and his need to return to medicine which he tries to hide behind a sarcastic view of the world. She fights an attraction to Kyle because of their professional relationship and her fears that pursuing such could create problems for Kyle because of his addiction problems. Kyle soon becomes troubled by his attraction to both Dr. Lily and a fellow resident, Heather Labonte.
  • Heather Labonte, played by Sarah Danielle Madison: A doctor at Kyle's hospital with a substance abuse problem who gets busted with a drug test and gets a job as a bartender. She has an on/off relationship with Kyle, until she gets pregnant. Kyle says he'd help economically, but that they shouldn't be together. Finally, Kyle decides to accompany her to Minnesota and take care of their son while she's in rehabilitation.
  • Louann "Crystal" Turner, played by Jennifer Esposito: A former meth addict who runs an outreach program for homeless teenagers. She had a relationship with Vincent and worked with him until she arranged for him to work at a youth detention center to teach a creative writing class.
  • Graciela Reyes, played by Tara Correa-McMullen: A gang member Amy counsels. As time passes, she makes progress, though she is arrested one day for criminal facilitation, as she was in the car with her cousin when she was involved in a drive-by shooting. Graciela is tried and found guilty, thus being sent to prison, where she is murdered, sadly mirroring the actual gang-related murder of actress Tara Correa-McMullen.
  • Rob Holbrook, played by Jim Parsons: A young clerk hired by Amy to replace Donna after her departure. Innocent and extremely eager to please, he proves his worth when his knowledge of Spanish comes into play in a case. Later, when Amy is banned from Graciela’s trial, he goes in her stead and reports back to her all that happens. He enjoys cake and playing B-ball.
  • Courtney Messina, played by Jossara Jinaro: Ignacio Messina's (Cheech Marin) daughter and Sean Potter's (Timothy Omundson) girlfriend.

Amy's love interests

  • Michael Cassidy, played by #1 John Slattery, #2 Richard Burgi: Amy's ex-husband. Michael remarries Leesha, a younger and blonder woman than Amy, who at first tries without success to befriend Amy. Later, Michael tries to get full custody of Lauren, the daughter he has with Amy, but after some time he drops the case. It turns out Michael wanted Lauren to help his marriage, but then Leesha left him. He tells Amy that even though he stands by what he said about her in court, she's still a better parent than him.
  • Rob Meltzer, played by Tom Welling (episodes 2.9–2.11, 2.15–2.16, 2.19): Lauren's karate teacher, with whom Amy has a short fling.
  • Tom Gillette, played by Gregory Harrison (episodes 1.14, 2.11–2.13): The man Amy chooses over Rob. The relationship only lasted four episodes. He left her to return to his estranged wife.
  • Barry Krumble, played by Chris Sarandon (episodes 3.12–3.23): A fellow judge whom Amy dated briefly. He "saved" her from embarrassment at her 10 year college reunion, but the relationship fizzled out when she realized they weren't meant for each other because he couldn't "live in the moment" the way she did.
  • Stuart Collins, played by Reed Diamond (episodes 1.3, 1.11, 2.15, 3.1–3.3, 4.16–5.7): A lawyer who, after several on/offs, gets betrothed to Amy. They rekindle their relationship when she asks him to be Eric Black's lawyer, but she ends by leaving him at the altar. Six months later, she learns that he has married a 22-year-old Polynesian woman whom he met on the trip that was supposed to have been their honeymoon.
  • David McClaren, played by Adrian Pasdar (episodes 5.1–6.15): A recently widowed assistant state's attorney and the father of Lauren's boyfriend Victor. His relationship with Amy is rocky from the beginning. At first, he is still dealing with the fact that his wife had been murdered, and he attends victims' support group meetings, one of which he asks Amy to attend. Later, she becomes pregnant by him and they plan to buy a house together. However, Amy miscarries and in her grief she keeps David at a distance, resulting in him breaking up with her.

Maxine's love interests

  • Jared Duff, played by Richard Crenna: A wealthy businessman who Maxine meets at a local diner, which he later purchases for her. Things between them become rocky several times, once because of his son's opposition to the relationship, but they do finally get engaged in 2003. He died two days before the wedding is set to begin (this was done as a tribute to actor Richard Crenna, who had died in 2003).
  • Ignacio Messina, played by Cheech Marin: The landscape designer whom Maxine hired to work on her garden. The two of them become close, but Maxine discovers he is not divorced from his first wife, and has two children Courtney Messina (Jossara Jinaro) and Raul Messina (Tito Ortiz). They stay friends, and he remains very supportive through her health problems. Finally, he divorces his wife and in the final episode he asks her to marry him.

Murdered cast member

On October 21, 2005, 16-year old Tara Correa-McMullen (who played Graciela Reyes in the show) was shot to death outside an apartment by rapper Pimp C complex in Inglewood, California. Suspected gang member Damien Watts, 20, was charged with her murder on March 1, 2006; he was convicted on January 23, 2009.[5] When charged, Watts was already in custody for a separate shooting.[6] Watts was sentenced on February 27, 2009 to life imprisonment, with no chance of parole.[7]


Judging Amy takes place in Hartford, Connecticut. Although the show often shows the Hartford Judicial District Court as having the address of 1265 (street unknown), the actual address of the Hartford Judicial District is 95 Washington Street, family matters are heard on 90 Washington Street and the Superior Court Juvenile Matters of Hartford is in 920 Broad Street, Hartford, CT 06106.[8]


Judging Amy is internationally broadcast by the following stations under the following names:

Country Name Translation Station
Australia Judging Amy Judging Amy Channel Nine, W. Channel, Network Ten
Austria Für alle Fälle Amy Amy in any case ATV+
Belgium (Flanders, Dutch) Judging Amy Judging Amy VijfTV,VTM
Bulgaria Съдия Ейми Judge Amy Hallmark Channel
Bosnia and Herzegovina Amy u sudnici Judge Amy FTV
Canada (English) Judging Amy Judging Amy W Network
Canada (Québec, French) Amy Amy Séries+
Croatia Sutkinja Amy Judge Amy HRT
Czech Republic Soudkyně Amy Judge Amy Hallmark Channel, ČT1
Denmark Amys ret Amy's court or Amy's right TV 2
Finland Amyn lailla Like Amy or With Amy's law Nelonen
France Amy Amy Téva
Germany Für alle Fälle Amy Amy in any case VOX
Hungary Amy-nek ítélve Judging Amy Hallmark Channel
India Judging Amy Judging Amy Hallmark Channel
Ireland Judging Amy Judging Amy TV3
Israel המשפט של איימי Amy's Trial Channel 2
Italy Giudice Amy Judge Amy Canale 5
Republic of Macedonia Судот на Ејми Judging Amy A1
Malaysia Judging Amy Judging Amy Hallmark Channel
Mexico Judging Amy Judging Amy American Network
The Netherlands Judging Amy Judging Amy Net 5
New Zealand Judging Amy Judging Amy Prime TV
Norway Judging Amy Judging Amy TV2
Panama La Juez Amy Judge Amy FETV Channel 5
Philippines Judging Amy Judging Amy Hallmark Channel
Poland Potyczki Amy Amy's Clashes Hallmark Channel
Portugal A Juíza The Judge SIC Mulher
Romania Amy Amy Hallmark Channel
Slovenia Naša sodnica Our Judge POP TV
South Africa Judging Amy Judging Amy SABC 2
South Korea Judging Amy Judging Amy Alice TV
Spain (Galicia) A xuíza Amy Judging Amy Televisión de Galicia
Spain (Catalonia) Jutjant l'Amy Judging Amy TV3
Spain La Juez Amy Judge Amy Cosmopolitan
Sweden Vem dömer Amy? Who judges Amy? or Whom does Amy judge? TV4 Plus
Thailand Judging Amy Judging Amy Hallmark Channel
Turkey Judging Amy Judging Amy TNT
UK Judging Amy Judging Amy Living TV,Hallmark, Channel 4, CBS Drama

DVD Release

On February 25, 2010 Season One will be released on DVD in Norway divided into 2 parts making this the first release of this show ever. It will also be released in Sweden in 2 parts on May 19, 2010.


  • Season 1:
  • Season 2:
  • Season 3: Its highest rated episode was in 2001 and garnered 17.6 million viewers. [1]
  • Season 4:
  • Season 5:
  • Season 6:


External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Judging Amy (1999–2005) was an American television series, airing on CBS, about a single mother who has left a high profile legal firm in New York behind to become a Family Court judge in Hartford, Connecticut.

Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6
Pilot Zero Tolerance Last Word The System Sickness Accountability
Calendar Not the Boss Off the Grid Thursday Going Down Lullaby
Trial by Jury Instincts Darkness Stranger's Face Ex Parte Legacy
Victim Soul Convictions Right Thing Frozen Zone Tricks Consent
Last Tango Unnecessary Look Closer Cause for Alarm Wrong Man Order & Chaos
Witch Hunt Perspective Being Family Roses & Truth Into the Fire Catching It
Impartial Bias Dog Days Imbroglio Damage Control Kilt Trip Early Winter
Experience Waterworld Rites of Passage Good Day Long Goodbye Surrender
Tectonics Undertow Gravity Boys to Men Rumspringa Silent Era
Crowded House Adoption Day Beating the Bounds People of the Lie Single Mother Long Run
Innocent The Claw Puzzlement Lost & Found Christenings 10,000 Steps
Spoil the Child 8-1/2 Narrow Who Shot Dick? Freedom Inn Dancing Don't Know Me
0 to 60 Murky Middle Money Pot Best Interests Father's Sins Little Dream
Not Stirred 1 For the Road The Dinosaurs Wild Card Roadhouse Blues Happy Borthday
Culture Clash Compromise Vegetables Interrupted Werewolves Hard To Get
Wee Hours Falls Down Woman in Cacti 16 Going on 17 Baggage Claim Paper War
Drawing the Line Romeo & Juliet Not Stumbling Judging Eric Song Never Ends New Normal
Human Touch Unforgiven Justice League Looking For Quarters Disposable I Missed You
Out-of-Towners The Wanting Men Aren't Monsters Just Say Oops Quick & the Dead RPM
God Thing Grounded Bottle Show Requiem Chophouse Too Little
The Scare Changes Show Me Love Separation After Hours Yellow Brick Road
Gray vs. Gray Redheaded Tidal Wave Picture Perfect Predictive Getting Out
With a Whimper Hold on Tight Boston Terriers CSO: Hartford Little Runaway Amy Gray...
Blast From Past Inquisition Marry, Marry Sex, Lies
Come Back Shock & Awe
Cast External links

Season 1


Amy: Yes, you nailed it. He's a cross-dressing serial killer.

Maxine: I know more about her ovaries than I do my own.

Vincent: This is what we call 'middle class angst.

Lauren: [about her book report] I was gonna do The Secret Garden, but I'm doing Everybody Poops instead.
Amy: How about... 'Everybody Poops in the Secret Garden'?

Lauren: Why are they talking about us like we're not here?
Amy: It's a family tradition, sweetie.

Bruce: Do you have a problem with me not being a woman?
Amy: Not if you don't.

Vincent: She's asleep.
Amy: She doesn't want me to tuck her in?
Vincent: No. No, she's not interested. She says that she loves you, but that she's not in love with you. No, that was another conversation.

Lauren: That's ridiculous! Cars just don't start moving.
Vincent: Please, Judge, give me a chance. I don't want to go to jail.
Lauren: Well, what are you going to do for me?
Vincent: I don't think Judge Barbie's supposed to say that.
Amy: Ok, bedtime!

Amy: What? I don't look judicial?
Maxine: No! You look like a deranged minister!

Vincent: No, no, no. It's a very bad idea to drink alone.
Amy: Well, it's either that or matricide.
Vincent: Then go ahead. I'll wait.

Vincent: You sure can clear a room.
Maxine: It hasn't worked on you yet.

Short Calendar

Maxine: Lauren, your opinions are not as fascinating as you think they are.

Lauren: What's anorexia?
Maxine: A disease women get from reading magazines.

Trial By Jury

Maxine: Peter, go over there and deal with that sales girl. Something about her scares me. I think it's her teeth.

Amy: I happen to remember something Professor Larkin said about you. He said you had a brilliant mind for theatrics, and you would do well in the courtroom, until you met a judge who was smarter than you. Well, guess what just happened.

Amy: I have to check my compassion at the door.
Greta: Says who?
Amy: I've got to think about the law, not the people.
Greta: Well, what do you think the law is for? When you uphold the law, you uphold the good of the people. Not just the people in your courtroom. All of them. Nobody loses.

Victim Soul

Amy: Where's Vincent?
Maxine: He said something about a freelance writing job.
Lauren: It's the lady from the hardware store, he met her looking for screws.

Last Tango in Hartford

Witch Hunt

An Impartial Bias

Near Death Experience

Maxine: No, if I sit still, I'll think terrible things. Like, how hard is it to hire a hitman? And, do they take credit cards?

The Persistence of Tectonics

Maxine: And this is a very nice gay man, Justin, whom we just met. And this is my son, Vincent, who isn't gay. He's a writer.

Maxine: I was just down in the basement...Hooking a rug.

Maxine: After 40 years of cooking Thanksgiving dinner, even the word 'Thanksgiving' makes me mad.

Vincent: Something smells good.
Amy: That would be Socrates' breath.

Amy: You could be a little more sympathetic.
Bruce: I don't do sympathetic.
Amy: Of course not.

Maxine: You know what I read the other day? That Denver, Colorado is moving closer to San Francisco, California by an inch every ten years.
Amy: Is this relevant?
Maxine: An inch every ten years. That's the way the Rocky Mountains were formed, and that's the way the world changes. Not by stamping your foot to get your way. Not even by the bang of a gavel. It's by the choices that we make, you know, all the time. You do what you think is right, every time. Slowly, the world starts to change. That's how we leave our imprint on life -- an inch every ten years.
Amy: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Maxine: I don't know; just pops into my head. It's a curse, really.

Crowded House

Maxine: Please, don't let me break your concentration by living here.

Presumed Innocent

Donna: Some people believe that before we’re born, when we’re still in spirit form, we make a deal with the universe... choose the families we’re born into. We have different reasons, based on the lessons we need to learn. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I chose mine. But, it’s obvious why Judge Gray chose hers. I’m just really glad I could be a part of it. God bless us... every one.
Maxine: Amen

Spoil the Child

Zero to Sixty

Maxine: [about a naked baby picture] My father took that one. If I lose a few teeth and start drooling, I'll be right back there again.
Amy: Wearing a few more clothes, I hope.

Maxine: I find it very self-aware that the parties object to being referred to as 'parents.'

Maxine: My best solution isn't repeatable in court, Your Honor.

Shaken, Not Stirred

Culture Clash

Amy: It's my brother's book! My baby brother. Vincent Gray.
Vincent: She's out on a day pass.

The Wee Hours

Drawing the Line

Human Touch

Amy: Here's a new idea. Why don't you tell her how you feel?
Vincent: What, and let down my whole gender?
Amy: Do you love her?
Vincent: I don't know. What? I'm standing here with a mocha latte talking to my sister about love. My sperm count is plummeting!
Amy: You love her!
Vincent: Shut up! I gotta run.

The Out-of-Towners

Maxine: If I end up in a dumpster, it's your fault.

Vincent: Are we going to be one of those couples that solves every dispute by having wild monkey sex?
Lisa: God, I hope so.

Maxine: And why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm attractive to men?
Peter: Uh...you're my mother?
Maxine: And I got that way by being attractive to men.

The God Thing

Greta: Life is full of endless opportunities to make a fool of yourself.
Amy: Well, if somebody's keeping score, then I should be heading into the bonus round right about now.

Kimberley: This is obviously a case of professional jealousy.
Maxine: [smiling]...the lawyer wishes she could be a wire-bender?

Amy: My friend, Greta, found God.
Bruce: I didn't know He was missing.

Gray vs. Gray

Maxine: The truth is, we're all going to die. The blessing is, we don't know when. And that's what allows us to go on.

Not With a Whimper

Blast From the Past

Season 2

Zero Tolerance

Amy: [to Vincent in the hospital] Wouldn't it be great if it could be mom's fault?

You're Not the Boss of Me



Unnecessary Roughness

Terry Ventrella: Are you sorry about slamming my Johnny in that door?
Maxine: Nope. Keep your damn Johnny out of my gas tank.

The Burden of Perspective

Dog Days


The Undertow

Maxine: I never said I broke up with Jared.
Amy: Are you saying you didn't?
Maxine: What I'm saying is whether I did or not is none of your business!

Adoption Day

Gillian: I love you, Amy.
Amy: I love you, too.
Gillian: But, I mean, you are way too skinny for someone with such a nice rack.

Rob: Sometimes people gotta obliterate everything in their path just to get themselves back on track.
Amy: That's exactly how it feels.
Rob: And sometimes innocent people get incinerated because they happen to be too close to the blow.

Amy: Can tuna actually freeze?
Bruce: Apparently so.
[Knocking on door]
Vincent: Hey. Am I interrupting?
Bruce: Just having some tuna Slurpees...

The Claw is Our Master

8 1/2 Narrow

Amy: Ms.Winston, I am ruling, and you are... shutting up.

The Beginning, the End, and the Murky Middle

One For the Road

The Treachery of Compromise

Everybody Falls Down

Maxine: Oh, Fran. I lack delicacy.
Fran: No kidding.

Vincent: What's wrong with Katie?
Amy: Nothing, if you like perky, nubile teenagers.
Vincent: I think I'm gonna let that one pass.

Romeo and Juliet Must Die--Well, Maybe Just Juliet

Vincent: When a person kills another person, it leaves a mark.
Donna: Yeah, especially when he uses an axe the way Oscar did.

Maxine: No, Gillian, I can't think of a reason not to have lunch. Maybe Amy will join us. No, she's been up for hours, doing yoga and writing her autobiography.

The Unforgiven

Between the Wanting and the Getting


[Lauren finds Jared and Maxine alone, ready to kiss]
Lauren: Are you kissing my Grandma?
Jared: I was about to, yes.
Lauren: OK.

Redheaded Stepchild

[Carole enters to see Donna and Lauren playing Barbies and Vincent working on his book]
Carole: So, uh, what are we all doing?
Lauren: Donna and I are playing 'Parole Board Babes' and Uncle Vincent is cutting his novel to shreds.

Hold on Tight

Maxine: It's not the letting go that hurts, it's the holding on.

Sean: You are a very scary lady.
Maxine: Thank you.

Season 3

The Last Word

Sean: This is because you're in charge over at Sanctuary House.
Maxine: Sanctuary House is a collaboration.
Sean: Nothing with you is a collaboration.

Sean: Everyone's dismissed. Except Maxine.
Maxine: Am I being kept after social work?

Bruce: Tell you what. You have a complete psychotic breakdown. I'll cover for you. I'll put on a robe and a wig... Come on. I'll walk you to your car. [she doesn't answer] Amy, I'll walk you to your car. Judge Gray?
Amy: No. It's okay.
Bruce: No, it's not. I'll walk you to your car.

Amy: Yeah, I was there when it happened.
Stu: I know. You told me to blow it up my butt.
Amy: I was hoping you wouldn't remember that part.

Maxine: Kimberly, do the civilized world a favor and keep your opinions to yourself.

Maxine: Sean, one day you're going to have children. And I'm going to enjoy that so much.

Off the Grid

Darkness For Light

Amy: One day, I'm going to find a man who thinks I'm the meaning of life.
Maxine: Amy, don't be trippy. The best you can hope for is a man who doesn't think about the meaning of life when he's with you.

Donna: [jumps out of her seat] Ha! Just so you know, Judge Gray was a big shot corporate lawyer on Wall Street before we got her. [Amy and Bruce look at her and she sits]

Maxine: [to Sean] Yes, I am sacrificing the good of the many for the good of the one. I am willing to burn in hellfire for all damnation for that, therefore you don't scare me.

Bruce: Do you smell chlorine?
Amy: I went for a swim. For fitness.
Bruce: That would explain it.

The Right Thing To Do

Jared: Maxine, I forget. Why are we breaking up?
Maxine: Because it's the right thing to do.
Jared: I hate the right thing to do.
Maxine: So do I. It's a pain in the ass.

Vincent: Please marry me.
Carol: I'm wearing paper.
Vincent: Okay?
Carol: I didn't want to be wearing paper when I got engaged.
Vincent: I could ask you again tonight when you're wearing clothes.

Maxine: You can't democratize a personal conviction. That's what this is. I'm taking a stand. And I'm more than willing to stand alone.

[Donna opens shower curtain]
Vincent: Donna! I'm in the shower!
Donna: No kidding.
Vincent: Naked!
[Donna hands him a towel]

Maxine: Is this what they call a high-class problem?
Amy: I guess so.
Maxine: Funny. Feels just like a regular one.

Amy: Why does this feel like it's a marriage?
Bruce: Because it is.
Amy: Without the obvious perks. [Bruce looks confused] You don't fix things around the house.

Look Closer

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Family


Amy: Life wants to be a mess. Don't ask me why.

Amy: So, it's not like flirting.
Bruce: No, it's not like flirting.
Amy: Because priests don't flirt.
Bruce: Not if they like their jobs.
Amy: So, we're talking nada? No heavy petting, light petting...?
Bruce: Do I look like I want to be having this conversation?

Amy: You think you're cute, don't you?
Bruce: I am cute. Here. We're on the set up committee. So, set up.

Prosecutor: If I had a 6-year-old sucking on some part of my anatomy and called it a bonding experience, I'd be arrested.

Prosecutor: I think Your Honor would agree that this is a little too happy of a meal.

Amy: Who's that?
Bruce: A friend. Where's your hair?
Amy: Where's yours?

Bruce: I have three rules. I don't lend money, I don't touch lettuce, I don't set people up.
Amy: You don't touch lettuce?
Bruce: It's cold, it's wet, it squeaks. I don't have to explain myself.

Amy: What's his deal?
Bruce: His 'deal' is his business. And I told you -
Amy: I know. You don't touch lettuce.

Amy: Tell me I never said the words 'sippy cup' while on the verge of tears.
Maxine: No, but you were an averagely nervous young mother, so try to understand what she's going through.
Amy: Why are you picking on me?
Maxine: Vincent's gone. I have to pick on somebody.

Rights of Passage

Surprised by Gravity

Kyle: I used to sleepwalk through life, ignorant of the importance beef tallow plays in the flavoring of french fries. Now, I have been enlightened, and the french fry holds no secrets from me.

Amy: Hey, Kyle. That's not a Jaguar.
Kyle: No, it's not. But it has aspirations.

Maxine: [to Amy about her garnishing the meatloaf] Amy, any more parsley and it'll look like a putting green.

Beating the Bounds

Amy: [about the woman who wanted Amy to perform her divorce ceremony] She chose me because you have a great rear end.
Bruce: Yes. I do.

Lauren: What's an orgasm?
Amy: Oh, honey, I'm not sure if I remember anymore. I might have to look it up in a book.

Crime and Puzzlement

Amy: I've seen you rant. You can't unring that bell.
Bruce: Would you like a list of things I've seen you do?

Who Shot Dick?

The Cook of the Money Pot

The Extinction of the Dinosaurs

Can They Do That With Vegetables?

Maxine: She looks up to you, you know.
Eric: Big deal. She's 4 feet tall.

Lauren: Eric's going to teach me how to spam dunk!
Eric: Slam dunk. Basketball, not lunch.

Peter: And you're way hotter than Charlayne, too.
Amy: Way hotter.

Charlayne: Eric. Now would this be the junkie or the street hustler?

[When Amy tells Maxine to quit smoking]
Maxime: You want to open this door Amy?
Amy: Yeah.
Maxime: You exist on 9 cups of coffee a day. You eat powdered sugar for breakfast. You drink like a European. And you have sex with people you don't care about.

Woman in Cacti With a Curled Up Rat

Not Stumbling, But Dancing

The Justice League of America

Men Aren't Monsters

Maxine: In the desperate hope that you two have some kind of secret language you can't speak in front of women, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get a cup of coffee.

The Bottle Show

Donna: How was the movie?
Kyle: It was good...Not bad...It sucked.
Donna: Your little friend enjoyed it?
Kyle: She fell asleep.
Donna: Probably malnutrition.

Maxine: Men look in the mirror as much as we do, but they always think they look great.

Tidal Wave

Donna: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, Mahatmas Gandhi or Dr. Phil?

Boston Terriers From France

Amy: [to Maxine] How can I sleep when you're having the loudest nervous breakdown in history?

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

Barry: Why are you cutting so many tethers in your life?
Amy: Because I feel tethered.

Maxine: Evidently melodrama has not skipped a generation as I had hoped.
Amy: You were taking apart her room? Couldn't you have waited until the corpse had cooled?
Maxine: See? Genetic melodrama.

Maxine: I need to move this mattress.
Peter: You said it was an emergency!
Maxine: Okay, I really need to move this mattress?

Bruce: [trying to get Amy moving to the courtroom] Momentum requires velocity. Basic physics.

Amy: If I told you I had two tickets to Spain, what would you say?
Bruce: When do we leave?

Peter: I swear to God, if you do this to yourself, I'll have you committed.
Maxine: They don't do that anymore.
Peter: Mother, I'm in insurance. I have powers you can't even begin to comprehend. Try me.

Vincent: It's a little weird. I move away, you just come in and occupy my space?
Kyle: I know.
Vincent: A man likes to feel like he's irreplaceable, and bang, he's replaced.
Kyle: I know.
Vincent: My old room, my old roommate, my seat at Thursday night dinners. My place in the family.
Kyle: I know.
Vincent: You haven't replaced me.
Kyle: I know!

Come Back Soon

Season 4

Lost in the System

Amy: Is this a bad idea?
Bruce: Very bad.

Thursday's Child

Every Stranger's Face I See

The Frozen Zone

Amy: Your mom died because bad men stole airplanes and flew them into buildings. It's not your mom's fault, it's not your dad's fault, and it's certainly not your fault. If we blame the wrong people, then we help the bad guys, and they've done enough already.

Cause For Alarm

Roses and Truth

Kyle: You're pregnant.
Gillian: But... but I don't... get pregnant.
Kyle: Well, apparently, you do.

Damage Control

Charles: Can't handle the pressure, Gray?
Peter: I invented pressure, Duff.
Charles: That doesn't make any sense.

A Pretty Good Day

Boys to Men

Amy: Any conviction of a misdemeanor and a sentence of less than a year and the INS cannot touch your son.
Lawyer: So, your honor is admitting that collateral consequences had an effect on your ruling.
Amy: Yes, my honor is admitting to that.

Charles: Am I being threatened by a superior court judge?
Amy: No, by a daughter who loves her mother, which is way worse. Ask anybody.

Maxine: They say the first fight you have is the one you'll have for the rest of your lives.

Jared: That's why I'm marrying Maxine. . .because she's so easy.

Jared: [holding up a bottle of wine to Maxine and Amy] Shall I decant this or is that just snooty?
Maxine: Well, a little bit of snoot never hurt anybody.

Maxine: My father used to say everything will be fine in the end, if it's not fine, then it's not the end.

[Maxine and Amy have just been arguing about Maxine's decision to move up her wedding date]
Maxine: I don't think you're facing the real issue here, which is how are we going to survive Gillian's pregnancy?

People of the Lie

Lost and Found

Ye Olde Freedom Inn

Gillian: Chaos must be tamed, that's my theory.

Donna: [While discussing Zola's comment about already seeing someone in response to Bruce's offer of a date] Please, her? What kind of guy would throw himself on that buzzsaw?

The Best Interests of the Child

Lauren: No one asked me what I thought was best.
Amy: Well no, I guess we didn't.
Lauren: I like things the way they are, that's what I think is best.

Wild Card

Maxine, Interrupted

Maxine: For a job that doesn't pay anything, it certainly has cost me a lot.

Maxine: [about Sally's current boyfriend] Isn't he gay?
Sally: Not any more!

Sean: So... you two know each other?
Maxine: That's very..observant of you, Sean.

State's Attorney: Does the "no sarcasm" rule apply only to me?
Amy: No, and the "no preening and posturing rule" applies to everyone.

Maxine: Kimberly, keep your bony fingers out of my files or I'll kick your sneaky, conniving ass from here till next September and back again.

Maxine: You must have a good plastic surgeon, because that nose looks almost real.
Sally: I should give you the number. [both laugh]

Sixteen Going on Seventeen

Kyle: I'm a scientist and you're an actuary so this is going to sound very weird for me to say, but sometimes there are more important things than numbers.

Amy: Isn't suffering part of the pilgrimage experience?
Stu: Here's something I learned. 'Pilgrimage' is actually just a fancy name for 'crappy vacation'.

Stu: What? You're gonna to tell me you never went swimming with a judge?

Judging Eric

Sean: [About Eric's birthday] Come on, last year when we took you bowling for your birthday that was awesome. This sucks monkey butt.

Stu: I'm always amazed at how much you forensic guys can tell by a couple of scratches. You're like those Indian trackers in old westerns that could tell the color of a guy's hair by the way his horse walked through water.

Judge Nancy Paul: Do you buy suits for all of your charges or just the ones accused of murder?
Maxine: Are those my only options?
Judge Nancy Paul: Pretty much.

Looking For Quarters

Lauren: Mom, you're being ridiculous. This is Peewee hockey. And besides, Grandma played field hockey in school. What's the difference?
Amy: The difference is that you fall on the field and get a grass stain, you fall on the ice and your head splits open...like a melon!
Maxine: They do wear helmets.
Amy: Hey Mom, this is between me and Lauren.

Just Say Oops

Maxine: AMY!
Amy: WHAT?
Maxine: Come out here and let me see it. My wedding, I get to see the bridesmaid's dresses.
[Amy steps into room, with a scowl on her face]
Maxine: [laughing] Did you leave your curds and whey in the dressing room?
Amy: I don't care what Gillian says, I'm not wearing this dress.

Heather: It's not my fault you decided to throw a juvenile Animal Farm party.
Kyle: Animal House. You're trying to say Animal House, Animal Farm is a book about socialist barn animals, that would be a very different kind of party.

Jack: I was hoping you could tell me what the hell is going on?
Maxine: Well the stock market is shot, but I hear the new Harry Potter book will have fourteen thousand pages.


Picture of Perfect

CSO: Hartford

Joanne: Now that we're talking about it, what's your position on it?
Amy: What's my position on the world? I - I'm for it. Go world!

Donna: Psst! Wanna have lunch?
Amy: I can't. I have a lunch date.
Donna: It's not in your calendar. Who're you having lunch with?
Amy: Stu's mother.
Donna: Huh?
Amy: Stu's mother. I'm having lunch with Stu's mother! Are you getting this in the back row? I'm having lunch with Stu's mother! Next case!

Nurse: Chainsaw accident in room 4. Wife's in the waiting room. She told me to give you these.
Kyle: Are those fingers?
Nurse: She thinks she got them all.

Lily: You miss your little buddy, don't you? Sorry, that came out snottier than I intended it.

Marry, Marry Quite Contrary

Shock and Awe

Season 5

Motion Sickness

Going Down

Ex Parte of Five

Maxine: [Crying] Sean, if I have a "feeling," it won't be a little one.
Sean: That's okay, too.

Tricks of the Trade

The Wrong Man

Into the Fire

Kilt Trip

Stu: There's a rich history behind this kilt.
Bruce: Easy there, tiger, don't go showing what's behind the kilt there.

The Long Goodbye

Maxine: Here's how the world works, Amy. You can leave a man at the altar, or you can have him like you. You can't have both.


Amy: My life is kind of weird right now.
Maxine: Yes Amy I've noticed.
Amy: I'm not just talking about the non-wedding.

Sex and the Single Mother

Sean: Maxine, there's a reason why they call it 'moonlighting' instead of 'middle-of-the-day lighting.'

Alan Foster: So, how long have you been with DCF?
Maxine:157 years... give or take.

Heather: I want to apologize for being such a passive aggressive bitch the other day.
Kyle: Actually, you were pretty active aggressive.


Peter: You brought a date to Walt's christening?
Gillian: No, ah...
Peter: What's the matter with you?

Maggie: [To Nicole] You helped me so much.
Amy: How has Nicole helped you?
Maggie: She understands. I've got control now.

Maxine: I always thought the Methodists were more...uh...understated.
Minister: We have our moments.

Maxine: He's my therapist Sean, you wanted me to go to therapy, I'm going. Are you happy now? Would you like to shout it to the world? [shouting] MAXINE GRAY IS IN THERAPY!
Sean: And not a moment too soon.

Lauren: How come every time our family goes to church something embarrassing happens?

Dancing in the Dark

Sins of the Father

Flower Guy: Are you Maxine Gray? These are for Maxine Gray.
Maxine: I'm Maxine Gray, but there must be some mistake. You see my fiancée used to send me flowers all the time, but he died and I haven't been nice to anyone since then.
Flower Guy: Well, there must be a card somewhere.
Maxine:[reads card] I can't accept these, take them back.
Flower Guy: What's your probelem lady? This is the nicest arrangement in the truck.
Maxine: These flowers come from a man that I barely know. We spent one night together.
Flower Guy: You must have made some impression [sees look on Maxine's face] Um. I'll say you weren't home.

Roadhouse Blues

Lauren: Victor and I don’t like the fact that you and his dad are dating.
Amy: We aren't dating. Going to dinner is not a date. It’s just not.
Maxine: Amy, I'll be back later.
Amy: Where are you going mom?
Maxine: Out to dinner with a friend.
Amy: Are you going on a date?
Maxine: No not a date, just dinner with a male companion
Amy: Dinner with a male companion is a date.
Maxine: It's not if I say it's not.
Amy: [to Lauren] It's not the same thing.

Lauren: [to David] Why did you pick my mom? She dumps people. You know; you were at the wedding.

Werewolves of Hartford

Ignacio: You know the pimp?
Maxine: Yes, he's one of my foster pimps. Uh parents.

Baggage Claim

The Song That Never Ends

[After Maxine shouts]
Amy: Mom, are you okay?
Maxine: [trying not to laugh] Of course, but I am 65 years old, and my boyfriend's mother hates me.


Prosecutor Harcourt: The only thing that could heal the wound was to steal underwear.

Maxine: [To Lauren, as the cupcakes burn and the smoke alarm sounds] Cupcakes cause cancer!

The Quick and the Dead

Gillian: [After their night of speed dating] Peter's looking pretty good right now.
Donna: Oscar's looking pretty good right now.
[Both turn and look at Amy]
Amy: David McClaren's still an ass.

Kyle: When I die of boredom, you're going to be short a doctor.

Lauren: God, Mom! You ditched him already? You must have set a new record!

Kyle: What?
Todd: I didn't say anything.
Kyle: And yet, I heard you.

Slade's Chophouse

Amy: [After seeing Father Ted, now known as Teresa, in a skirt and makeup] Thought you'd be shorter...and a guy.

Predictive Neglect

Maxine: [about Sean's new tie] I think it would very, very good on Jimmy Smits.
Sean: A bowl of soup would look good on Jimmy Smits.

My Little Runaway

Amy: [To Lauren, about a trip to the skate park] If you break your arm, I swear to God I'm going to break the other one...[looks at Victor]...then I'm going to come looking for you.
Victor: Fair enough.

Amy: [shouting] Lauren...Lauren Cassidy where are you? If you are someplace with your pajamas on talking to Victor I will not be happy!

Kyle: [Discussing Victor's condition with David and Amy] My best educated guess? I'd say 70/30.
Amy: That he'll make it.
Kyle: No.

Maxine: [about attending Ignacio's mother's birthday party] Let's be honest, the last time she saw me, she called me a prostitute.
Ignacio: Oh, you understood that?
Maxine: Si, senor.

Ignacio: He's telling an 89-year-old woman to go with God?

Sex, Lies and Expedia.com'

Kyle: [As Maxine cries and Peter, Amy, and Lauren hug her, ignoring Kyle] Okay, next time I have a life-altering epiphany, I'm sharing it with another family.

Gillian: Are you saying it's over?
Peter: If I am, Gillian, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Vincent: Before I ask what's going on out front, I have a more important question. Are Peter and I too old for bunk beds?

Maxine: [To Ignacio, after finding out he is still married] I've come to a decision. I will be going to China, and you can go to Hell!

Season 6


Donna: [Opens envelope, reads letter, and cries] I passed.
[Amy screams, jumps up from her chair, grabs Donna and hugs her]
Donna: I'm a lawyer.

Amy: [To Hector, who just found out his parents are divorcing] Hector, I want you to know something. I want you to hear something. I'm not going to put you away, I'm not going to throw you away. You're not a ghost. I see you...I see you...I see you.

[Donna is practicing a closing statement in Amy's old, under-construction courtroom, when Amy walks in]
Amy: You'd rather come in here and pretend to be a lawyer than actually be one?
Donna: I...I was just fooling around.


Lauren: [Toasting Kyle at his final dinner with the family] To Cousin Kyle, who taught me to burn CDs and download stuff off the Internet!

Graciela Reyes: [to Amy] How 'bout I plead hungry and go to lunch?

Amy: What do you see when you see yourself getting old?
David: How old?
Amy: My mom old...
David: Well there's basketball, mysteries, classics...and you, I see you.

Amy: Thursday night. Pick a movie. Popcorn and parking on me.
Maxine: I don't want to go to the movies Thursday.
Amy: Rent is in town.
Maxine: I've seen Rent. I pay rent. I'm sick of rent.
Amy: Bookstore?
Maxine: Amy?
Amy: All right! I have a date on Thursday. David's coming over and I'm cooking.
Maxine: You don't cook.
Amy: Just because I don't, doesn't mean I can't.
Maxine: Means you shouldn't.

Vincent: I'll take 'Amy's Greatest Fear' for 100. What is....You're nothing without the drama?
Amy: You can't possibly know that!
Vincent: I'm a closet excitement junkie myself.
Amy: You think it runs in the family?
Vincent: Like liberalism and a fear of clowns.



Amy: [to Lauren] I'm a girl too!

Order and Chaos

Peter: [about Ned] We're raising a genius!
Jillian: An adopted genius, nature is a big part of it.
Peter: So is nurture.

Bruce: Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt, but Ted, the Marshall, just said that your mother was arrested.
Amy: What!?
Bruce: Yeah! He thought we knew. I guess it happened this morning.

Amy: [to Vincent] Jimi Hendrix called and he wants his shirt back.
[Vincent leaves the room]
Vincent: [Coming back into the room] Well at least my shirt...
Amy: It's not a comeback if you have to come back and say it!

Catching It Early

Maxine: If I told you I was Cheryl Tiegs, would you put me through?

Dr. Jacobs: Let's see what we have here [begins breast exam]
Amy: [giggles nervously] Sorry.
Dr Jacobs: Do you know that you have a rather large mass in your breast?
Amy: Yup.

Early Winter

Maxine: [while hallucinating about her mother, sings]
Did you ever go a fishing on a sun-shiny day?
Sit on the bank, till the bank gives way.
With your hands in your pockets,
And your pockets in your pants.
Sit on the bank and do a hoochie-coochie dance.

Maxine: [When Vincent comes in to see how she's doing] Vincent, I already have a pain in my chest, I don't need a larger one in my ass, too.

Conditional Surrender

Silent Era'

The Long Run

10,000 Steps

Peter: Gillian...I want to look at you, I want to hold your hand, I want to talk, and then I want to christen the kitchen.

Gillian: Laundry room.
Peter: What?
Gillian: Two words...spin cycle.

You Don't Know Me

Amy: You know when I turn my chair, you know when I wear pants. It's starting to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It's creepy.
Bruce: What's creepy is that you have hair on the back of your neck.

Lauren: By the time it's in school I'll be away in college!

Dream a Little Dream

Happy Borthday

Amy: [to Jerry] You are a moron of epic proportions.

Hard To Get

Amy: [to herself in the mirror, wearing Graciela's jacket and cap] You betta step off before I hafta open up a can o' whoop ass.

The Paper War

Sean: If this social worker thing doesn't work out, maybe I can work as a carpenter like, uh, what's-his-name.
Maxine: Jesus?
Sean: I was thinking Harrison Ford, but...

Rob: [discussing Amy's solution to the "paper war"] How rad, sticking it to the man!
Bruce: She IS the man.
Rob: Well, then who are we sticking it to?
Bruce: My point exactly.

Amy: [to the State Attorney] You can have your transfer, but you can shove your apology!

The New Normal

Sorry I Missed You

Diesel: I call this piece bars.
Another Prisoner: [laughs] Where'd you come up with that one, Dawg?

Vincent: I was actually going to skip that excercise and slap a bunch of name tags on you, but I thought slapping you might be bad for me.

Revolutions Per Minute

Too Little, Too Late

Getting Out

My Name is Amy Gray...

Gillian: You are the best mother of the world and Amy knows this. She has learned everything from you. And I'm proud to be in your family.
Maxime: It's easy to say that to your mohter-in-law because she hasn't raised you.

Amy: You came!
Bruce: You called.

Unknown episode

Interior Decorator: Usually I'm so perceptive of people. Come on… what's changed?
Maxine: Two weeks ago my fiancée died of a heart attack 48 hours before we were to be wed. Also, I've cut my hair.

Board Member: We're a little concerned that your director is a drug addict.
Maxine: No, my director is a former drug addict. I myself am a former high school student, and everyone here used to poop in their pants. What's your point?

Maxine: "Never wear fire for a hat"… I haven't any idea what it means. I read it in a bathroom stall once and it stuck with me.

Maxine: By the way, I'm getting married a week from Saturday. I expect you to be there.
Sean Potter: A week from Saturday? Maxine, why are you getting married a week from Saturday?
Maxine: So I can have sex, Sean. Why else would anyone get married?

Amy: The only way we do better is by figuring out what we did wrong.

[Amy has been in bed with the flu for several days.]
Maxine: Amy? I brought you some chicken soup. How do you feel?
Amy: Horrible. I've been seeing things. It's like being on acid.
[Amy notices the look on Maxine's face.]
Amy: Not that I ever did acid. Uh, you know, I heard about it. Some of my friends told me. Listen, I think I need to go back to bed.


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