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See also


  1. ^ "personal foul, leverage". August 9, 2008. Retrieved September 8, 2009.  


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Leverage is an American TV series created in 2008 by John Rogers and Chris Downey. It follows a group of thieves who steal mainly from corrupt corporations to return money to their victims.


Season 1

The Nigerian Job [1.1]

Sophie Deveraux: (To Nate after he puts in her earpiece) Now you really are inside my head.

Nathan "Nate" Ford: Let's get one thing straight, Eliot. You are not my friend.
Eliot Spencer: Right. 'Cuz you have so many.

Nate: You know that part of the conversation where I punch you a bunch of times in the neck? We're comin' up on that part pretty quick!

Alec Hardison: Age of the Geek, baby! We run the world.

Parker: My money isn't in my account. That makes me cry inside, in my special angry place.

Nate: We're going to the burn scam.
Hardison: (In elevator) We're going with plan B?
Nate: Technically, that would be plan G. (Pause as Parker gets in elevator)
Hardison: How many plans do we have? Is there like a plan M?
Nate: Yes, Hardison dies in plan M.
Eliot: I like plan M.

Eliot: I'm going to beat Dubenich so bad even the people that look like him are going to bleed.
Nate: You won't get within a hundred yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces.
Eliot: He tried to kill us.
Parker: More importantly he didn't pay us.
Eliot: [looks at her with dismay] How is that more important?!
Parker: I take that personally.
Eliot: There's somethin' wrong with you.

Eliot: What's in it for me?
Nate: Payback. And if it goes right, a lot of money.
Parker: And what's in it for me?
Nate: A lot of money. And if it goes right, payback.

Victor Dubenich: Do you know anything about airplane design?
Nate: Yeah, I could give it a shot. You know, you get me a pencil and one of those little rulers.

Nate: Alright, let's all go get Sophie... (Everyone starts walking off)
Eliot: ...What the hell is a Sophie?!

While watching Sophie perform badly

Hardison: She's very awful.
Parker: Is she injured…in the head?
Eliot: Seriously, man, she's the worst actress I've ever seen.
Nate: This is not her stage. [smiles softly]
. . .
[later, during the con]
Hardison: She's not horrible.
Nate: This is her stage. Sophie Deveraux is the finest actress you've ever seen…when she's breaking the law.

Eliot disguised as an IT helping Dubenech's secretary

Secretary: You are strong for a computer guy...
Eliot: Why...thank you. I like to work out, try to stay big. I also enjoy dressing up as a Klingon, and goin' to all the conventions...BACHLA!!!
Secretary: oh...BACHLA!!!
Eliot: Hey, don't you tease me...
Hardison: [back at his apartment] Oh no, that is not cool, that is not cool. I'm gonna have a strong talk with you when you get back.

Nate: That doesn't account for all of it. Sophie kept some of it to buy a truly impressive number of shoes…
Parker: What is it with women and shoes?
Sophie: [looks at Parker with dismay] There's something wrong with you.
Eliot: That's what I said!

Eliot: Wanna know what I think?
Nate: Not really.

Eliot: One show only, no encores.
Parker: I already forgot your names.

[last lines; the team is interviewing two grieving parents who want revenge on the company that killed their daughter]
Nate: People like that…corporations like that, they have all the money, they have all the power, and they use it to make people like you go away. Right now, you're suffering under an enormous weight. We provide…Leverage.

The Homecoming Job [1.2]

Nate: Ah, but that's why Corporal Perry is lucky. He doesn't have lawyers, he has thieves.

Parker: You ID-ed the weapon by the gunshot sound?
Eliot: It has a very distinctive sound.

Hardison: You ID-ed a guy by his fighting style?
Eliot: It's a very distinctive style.

[Sophie is at a Congressman's party, pretending to be a lobbyist for a defense contractor]
Sophie: My company's focused on meeting Senators, but I'm thinking Congressmen.
Charles Dufour: You know the great thing about Congressmen? Fifty, a hundred grand well spent will get one elected. But once they're in, the incumbency rate is over ninety-five percent! So you can get on average eighteen, twenty years use out of one of them. In these uncertain times, buying a United States Congressman is one of the best investments a corporation can make.
Hardison: [listening in on comms] Oh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I'm a professional criminal and I find that disturbing.

Nate: How was Washington?
Sophie: Villains, con men, wolves in sheep’s clothing. Felt right at home.

The team is decorating their offices to look more legitimate

Parker: I bought a plant.
Hardison: Nice. Team spirit.
Parker: What does it do?

A violent turn on their latest job worries Hardison, Sophie, and Parker.

Hardison: I didn't sign up for any of this. What I did before, nobody got hurt.
Sophie: I stole paintings for a living.
Parker: I never hurt anybody.


Eliot: I actually hurt people, so...

Corporal Perry: A cute blonde shows up with a couple million dollars, I say we take the win.

Watching the veteran's hospital recieve the stolen money

Nate: Anybody who wants to walk away can do it right now.

Nobody moves

Eliot: One more.
Hardison: Maybe two.

Hardison: You know it sucks to be the good guy, right?
Nate: You haven't figured it out yet, have you? Just 'cause you're the, uh, good guys now, doesn't mean you can't have a little fun along the way.

Drives away in a red electric sports car

Sophie: Oh boy. Midlife crisis.
Eliot: Absolutely.
Hardison: Definitely midlife.
Parker: Totally... midlife crisis.

The Two-Horse Job [1.3]

Parker: (Crawling through the air duct) Looks like Parker's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people.
Eliot: (on comms, from the truck) Parker, you realize that we can still hear you?

Parker sighs exasperatedly

Sterling: Nathan Ford is a common criminal.
Nate: Common. That’s just hurtful.

Regarding Sterling, the malicious insurance agent

Parker: He's like Nate. Evil Nate!

Parker: Horses are much less murderous than I originally thought.

The team is stopped on their way transporting a stolen horse by a traffic accident, and see that the police are there.

Hardison: We goin' to jail.
Amy: My father lost his job, he lost his horses, and now he's going to have to visit me in jail. That's great.
Parker: Well, on the bright side, you'll have all of us to keep you company.
Eliot: Hey. Nobody's going to jail. I promise you. We're gonna make it. Gets out of the truck
Amy: Where are you...
Nate: (Back at the stables) Alright, alright, we're not going to make it. I'm pulling the plug. Eliot, bring the horse back to the stud farm, meet us at the rendezvous spot.
Hardison: Uhh... boss? We might have a hard time with that.
Nate: Why?

Eliot takes the horse out of the trailer and rides away.

Nate: Aw, great. Great job not getting emotionally attached or doing anything stupid.

Parker: I once saw a horse kill a clown.

The Miracle Job [1.4]

Hardison: (Knocked over a thug after he and Eliot were sent to investigate a priest's beating) How 'bout that? You see me?
Eliot: He was injured.
Hardison: Well somebody gotta fight the injured. Shoot, that's my niche!

Eliot: So you dropped out of priest school to become an insurance cop. And now you're the leader of a band of thieves? Nice.

Hardison has made replicas of a statue of St. Nicholas.

Hardison: Just don't eat it. Or breathe near it.

Eliot and Nate move back.

Nate: I said bleeding tears, not bleeding ears.
Hardison: Look, look man, you’re lucky on this deadline, I didn’t give you a baking soda volcano.

Parker: It's like Christmas. See, I told you St. Nicholas was Santa Claus.
Sophie: (laughs) No he's not, Parker.
Parker: Well, who is he, then?
Sophie: St. Nicholas... is the patron saint of thieves.

Eliot: (After attending Sophie's awful play) Sophie's here, man. What do I tell her?
Hardison: Anything but the truth.

Parker: (To Sophie, regarding her play) It was like a horror movie. (In a scary voice) Attention must be paid...

Parker: (In the church of St. Nicholas) Santa Claus has a church?
Eliot: It's not Santa Claus.

Eliot: We're gonna need a miracle to save this church.
Nate: So let's go steal ourselves a miracle.

Hardison: As long as I don't have to do anything immoral.
Nate: No, absolutely not. I just need you to figure out how to... fake a miracle.

Eliot laughs

Hardison: We all goin' to Hell.

Doctor: (Releasing Father Paul from the hospital) So I've got your test results right here. High cholesterol, elevated SED rate... and it looks like you're pregnant. (pause) I'm going to need you to stick around and re-test.

The Bank Shot Job [1.5]

Hardison: I had to retask 2 satellites just to get a lousy internet connection. It took more than an hour to torrent the last episode of Doctor Who!
Parker:(calmly while shredding paper) Hey! Illegal downloading's wrong. (Lights wastebasket full of paper on fire)

Hardison: (Regarding the bank robbery) Oh, this is so not good.

Parker: It’s embarrassing. Everyone knows you don’t rob a bank without an exit strategy.

Derrick Clark: Things that sound easy hardly ever are.

Sherrif Bill Hastings: (Regarding Hardison's cover story as an FBI agent coming back from a border skirmish) Chupacabras? I thought those were urban legends!
Hardison: You're adorable.

Nate: (To Sophie through an earpiece while both are being held hostage) How you doing?
Sophie: I'm just peachy.

Judge: The truth? The truth is what I say it is.

Derrick Clark: I can't trust you…you're thieves!
Sophie: And we're your only chance.

Hardison: (Listing the fake demands of the bank robbers) First off, they want twelve large pizzas. One cheese, one Hawaiian, extra pineapple, two pepperoni, black olives, two meat lovers…Seriously? Nobody's writing this down? Seriously?

Police officers start writing as Parker sneaks off

Hardison: One triple half-caf vanilla latte, tall. Three of the latest copies of the Hall and Oats CD...
Officer: Oh, yeah!
Hardison: I know, right? Exciting stuff. I didn't know they were comin' out with a new one, either. Umm…we're gonna need some steaks people, some steaks and a grill. They're trying a tailgate party, okay? They need your overalls, I don't know why, they need some kibbles and bits, they need an Etch-a-Sketch, somebody in there likes to squiggle. Okay? Possibly we're going to need some stuffed bears in there, okay? Are we good? Let's go people, everybody, I need you guys moving. Everybody, get out, go! (To the officer who spoke earlier) You stay. We need to talk about Hall and Oates.

Eliot: (To a drug dealer) Hey. What smells like crank and screams like a girl?

Kicks him in the leg. The drug dealer falls over screaming in a high-pitched voice.

Eliot: Right answer.

Parker: Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get.

Mrs. Clark: (When Eliot impressively rescues her from drug dealers) Who are you?
Eliot: Well, ma'am, we'd be the cavalry.

Nate: [watching the Clarks' reunion after being shot] Yeah, that's all very heartwarming, but could we save it for after the morphine drip?

Hardison: (Running photos of the robbers through a facial recognition database) If these guys have any kind of record, they'll turn up pretty quick…whoa. That was fast.

Sheriff Bill Hastings: We're just going by the book.
Hardison: The book? The book got a good man killed. I can't…my blood pressure…
Parker: Ex-partner. I wouldn't mention the book again. Or propellers.

Derrick Clark: How can I trust you? I don't know who you are!
Sophie: I'm a thief.
Derrick Clark: Okay…I don't know what to do with that.

The Stork Job [1.6]

Children: [Repeated Line] Häagen Dazs!

Eliot: Are we seriously considering this? Swiping a kid?
Nate: Yeah, well... (Looks at him, notices a big bruise on his face) What happened to you?
Eliot: How was I supposed to know it was a lesbian bar?

Nate: Pack your bags. We're going to Belgrade.(Stands up and starts walking away)


Sophie: Hey! Can we, can we stop off in Paris on the way?
Nate: Euhhh... maybe on the way back.
Sophie: Cool!

After Sophie's performance for a scam movie

Sophie: Nate, you did get a copy of my scene, my death scene, for my reel?
Nate: Yeah…uh…no…no…uhh…
Elliot: There was no film in the camera.
Sophie: We are definitely, definitely stopping in Paris.

Parker: Be quiet! They have armed guards at that door.

Door bursts open, man with a gun falls out, unconscious. Eliot calmly walks out behind him.

Sophie: No, they don't.

Parker: I can't believe I lost him!
Nicolas Obrovic: Well, hello, beautiful.
Parker: Found him.

Nate: (Regarding Sophie) She can act. When it's an act.

Nate: More, more, more, more! Blood, blood, blood, blood! That's what audiences want!
Irina: To see me die?
Nate: Like you wouldn't believe. (laughs insanely)

Parker: (In bad Serbian, trying to get the children to follow her) Don't be afraid. I will make your tomato shiny. Please come with. (Leaves)

Children laugh

Parker: (Re-entering to try again) Men will sadden you. (Jumping and gesturing, in English) Come on! Come on, come on. Okay, umm... Häagen-Dazs?
Children: Häagen-Dazs! (Follow her)

Parker (In Serbian, when confronted by a henchman) Oh, shiny tomato!

Nicolas Obrovic: And who has come to shame the splendor of Belgrade with her beauty?
Hardison: (Through the earpiece from another building) Are you kidding me?
Parker: Hardison!
Nicolas: Hardison? Beautiful name for beautiful lady. Tell me, Hardison. What brings you to Serbia?
Hardison: (Mocking his accent) Ah, do my fangs and cape frighten you?
Nate, Sophie: Hardison!

Sophie: You need someone to, I don't know, crawl through an air duct, you call Parker. Bash a head in? Eliot. Internet porn? Hardison! You need someone to take over a movie, then... (Shrugs significantly)
Nate: I ask... an actor. (Pause) Right.

Irina: (To Eliot) Your hair is too long, your bow tie is poorly tied, and your eyes, they shift to the left. So either you're lying or you're about to lie.

Nate: No, Parker, sleeping is not a hobby.

Nicolas: So where are you from?
Parker: Where am I from? Oh, where am I from!
Nate: (Through the earpiece) You're from, uh... Pittsburg, Detroit, Atlanta...
Parker: I'm from Pittsburgh, Detroit, Atlanta.
Nate: I meant, pick one.

Hardison: Woah, Woah, Woah. I’m getting a bunch of calls to the police. What the hell is going on down there?
Elliot: I’ll tell you what’s going on. Parker just stabbed her guy with a fork.

Nate: (Referring to advice Sophie gave Eliot, to take a sip of his drink whenever Irina was happy to associate the motion with the feeling) That, uh, drink thing? You've never used that on me, have you? (Sophie takes a sip of her drink.)

The Wedding Job [1.7]

Nate: Yeah ok, yeah. Let’s go rob Nicky Moskone. A guy who kills people and lives in our city. Yeah, let’s do that.

[Nate walks in on the aftermath of a fight between Eliot and "The Butcher of Kiev"]
Nate: Did you just kill a guy with an appetizer?
Eliot: I dunno. Maybe.

Sophie: Whatever happened to 'a wedding is just a big con'? (Walks away)
Nate: I didn't say that was a bad thing!

Parker: (To Hardison) I pretended I was drunk and we were going to have sex.
[she smiles angelically as he gives her a stunned expression]

Eliot has been sent in to the local FBI offices steal data, only to find it's all on cassette tapes.

Eliot: Hardison, how am I supposed to get out of the FBI offices with a box full of surveillance tapes, huh?
Hardison: (Over the comms) Punch somebody!
Eliot: (Threateningly) Oh, I am going to punch somebody.

[Eliot is demonstrating his culinary skills to a surprised Nate]
Eliot: I’m cutting onions. De-veining shrimp. Pan searing some scallops. I got 200 people I need to feed, all right? Back off!
Nate: Okay, okay.
Eliot: What, you think the only thing I know how to do is bust heads?
Nate: No, well, yeah.
Eliot: Look. Hold a knife like this, [holds a chef's knife normally] cuts through an onion. [switches to a backhand grip] Hold a knife like this, cuts through, like, eight yakuza in four seconds. Screams, carnage. People are like knives. Everything's in context.

Eliot: [annoyed] What is it? I got bacon on!
Parker: The Butcher's here.
Eliot: Does he have the baby lamb chops?
Hardison: No, the Butcher of Kiev!
Nate: Think he'll recognize you?
[Flashback to Eliot and the Butcher fighting in a burning building]
The Butcher of Kiev: I kill you!
[Present day]
Eliot: Yeah, I think he'd remember me.

(To Sophie when they find out the Butcher of Kiev is here and she says she isn't leaving)

Hardison: Have you ever been to Kiev? The Cakemaker of Kiev would whup all our asses. This is the Butcher.

The Butcher of Kiev: (Repeated, whenever fighting with Eliot) It burns!

Nate: Sophie, where are we at?
Sophie: Huh? I don’t know, Nate. I think you need to ask yourself that question. You called me, remember? And now we’re working together every day. I don’t know what you want. And to ask me that dressed like a Vicar. You’re a very strange man.
Nate: No, no, no. I mean, where are we at with finding the money?

The Mile High Job [1.8]

Sophie: (In French, distracting a pair of security guards) Good evening! The rave is here, right?
Guard: 'Scuse me?
Sophie: (In a heavy accent) The rave-party is here?
Guard: I'm afraid you must be in the wrong place, miss. This is an office building. You know, where people come to work?
Sophie: I work hard... the dance floor.

Parker was trapped in an office, hiding from someone, and appeared in the hallway less than a minute later, completely calm.

Parker: So what are we waiting for?
Eliot: How does she do that?
Nate: I don't even ask anymore.

Distracting the security guards as they run away

Nate: Oh, it's right behind us! It's right behind us!
Parker: Aaaaah! It's furry! It's big! It's chasing us! Get down. Aaah!

They run, while the guards pull out their guns and run in circles, looking confused.

Nate: Parker, you're about to get a day job.

Parker is posing as a flight attendant after stealing a bag from the original woman assigned to the flight.

Sophie: (To Nate and Eliot) How did you both know there'd be an extra uniform in the bag?
Nate: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms in case they get called to work unexpectadly.
Eliot: Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
Sophie: How does everyone know that?

In unison

Nate: Worked airport security
Eliot: Slept with a flight attendant.

Parker: (as a flight attendant, speaking before takeoff) In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device. But let’s face it, if this thing goes down in the water, more than likely, the impact will kill you.

People give each other uncertain looks while Eliot rubs his face

Parker: Please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exit. Because if this plane's on fire, you're gonna wanna get out quick. It can burn at over a thousand degrees! That's hot, people.

People murmur, looking even more concerned and confused

Parker: …hatbox full of Euros, pouch of blood diamonds, a stolen Stradivarius. I’ve never lifted one of those.

Nate: Okay, so our wedding date would be when we met, so that makes us married for...

In unison

Sophie: Ten years.
Nate: Eight years.
Sophie: You don't remember when we met?
Nate: Of course I do. I was just rounding.
Sophie: By subtracting two years?

After saving the rest of the crew from an impending plane crash.

Hardison: Woo! WOO! Age of the geek, baby! Age of the geek! Too smooth, too smooth! That was so scary I'm 'bout to cry and call my momma!

The Snow Job [1.9]

Nate: Let's go steal us a mountain.

Hardison: ... we had a house for his baby boy and you just…gave it away.
Parker: You're the one who's always telling us we're going for the client.
Nate: One client. Many victims. We have the chance to represent those who couldn't ask for our help. In disguise, we're going with a much bigger scam. (They give him looks) One of the classics.
Parker: The London Spank?
Hardison: The Genevan Paso Doble.
Eliot: The Apple Pie! (Pause, everyone looks at him) It's like the Cherry Pie, but with lifeguards.
Sophie: (Excited) Oooh!
Nate: Glengarry Glen Death. It's like a…a mutual fund. But instead of stock, we invest in…in death. (Walks out)
Parker: (Regarding Nate) Is…is it just me, or is he getting creepier?

Sophie: Boom? Ja.

Hardison: (Listing possible side-effects) Organ failure. Death. Death-like symptoms.

Sophie: Gutentag.
Retzing: French. Nice.

Nate: (On a man who's just gotten into his car) Okay. Cheap tie, bad aftershave. What's the state police want with my business?

Dennis: (On the phone with his brother) Oh, I'm sorry. We're losing you. Your strip joint must be driving through a tunnel.

Nate: Somebody find me a brain.
Parker: Oh, yeah. He's definitely getting creepier.

Hardison: Call me the scarecrow, I'm ready to rock. Now if I only had a brain.

Sophie is helping Parker prepare to play a dying woman.

Sophie: Think of something really sad that's happened in your life. Like, I don't know, when your father died.

Parker bursts out laughing.

Eliot wins a Rock-Paper-Scissors game.

Hardison: Well, I'll be dammned. How'd you do that?
Eliot: You've got a tell.
Hardison: I've got a tell?
Eliot: Yeah.
Hardison: For Rock-Paper-Scissors?
Eliot: Yes!

Parker: (Mournfully when Nate gives up the money) All that pretty money…

Parker is pretending to have fallen off a ski lift, but then just dangles there.

Nate: (Over the comm) Parker? Parker? Parker, what are you doing?
Parker: Oh, yeah. (Unenthusiastically) Help. Help. Help. (To the other man in the lift) How you doing?

Randy: Oh, come on, dude, are you ready to rock this? (Picks Eliot up. Eliot looks uncomfortable.)

Sophie: So you can write that little check now?
Hardison: (In the bar, over the comms) Man, why can't they all be this easy?
Randy: Oh, of course not. We have to go to Miami. My dad's the one who can write the check.
Hardison: Man, why they all gotta be this hard?

Nate: You know me. I can do this.
Sophie: I knew you two years ago.
Nate: I'm still the same person.
Sophie: No you're not.


Nate: No. I'm not.

Silence. Sophie leaves.

Nate: (Giving the Scotts the Retzings' house) It's a little bigger than the other place, but I hope it'll do.


'Sophie: The house was a nice touch.
Nate: Yeah, a symbolic gesture.
Sophie: You never used to go in for theatrics.
Nate: Yeah, well, like you said. I've changed.
Sophie: You're still a mess. (Regarding the team.) You know, one of these days, they won't stick around.
Nate: They?
Sophie: We.
Nate: Are you threatening to bail on me, Sophie?
Sophie: Give me a reason to stay.

The 12-Step Job [1.10]

Being sent to Jack's 'favorite haunts'

Eliot: Strip joint!

He and Hardison start to exit, but then turn around.

Hardison: I'm going to need change for $100. In singles.
Nate: Sorry, what? You think I have a hundred singles on me?

Eliot and Hardison exit sadly.

Hardison: Don't get mad, but... I may have spilled slushie in your car.
Eliot: That's like forty-four ounces, Hardison!
Hardison: It's not that much...
Eliot: The lid is floating in the damn floorboard, man!
Hardison: Wow. You are...
Eliot: It's running into the backseat!
Hardison: Very dramatic.
Eliot: When we get back to the office, you're cleaning this up.
Hardison: Seriously?

Spots Jack leaving the bar

Eliot: You're cleaning this up!
Hardison: That's our guy.
Eliot: Don't try to change the subject!

Hardison: Yes, there are a lot of wires! It's a com-pu-ter!

Hardison: (After a narrow escape from a bomb) I'ma go and... freshen up a bit. Maybe cry a little.

Parker is undercover in a rehabilitation center.

Parker: Hi, my name is Rose, I'm a kleptomaniac. My parents are rich, but I shoplift anyway... (checks her hand) because I hate myself.

Eliot: Have you ever noticed how all bad guys know at least one stripper?
Hardison: Yeah? Well, you know at least a hundred, what does that say about you?
Eliot: Hey. I'm a bad guy.

(Parker walks into Jack's room where Nate and Jack are looking weird)

Nate: What's wrong?
Parker: I didn't mean to. It was just instinct! (Pulls a gun out from behind her back.)
Jack: Woah...
Parker: I accidentally stole it from a man in the hall!

Hardison is stuck near a bomb that is about to explode.

Hardison: Okay, it's a computer bomb, I know computers. It's a computer bomb, uhh... we, we gotta reboot the system!
Eliot: You want me to kick it?
Hardison: God, I'm goin' die.

Jack Hurley: I'm Jack, and I'm an alcoholic.
Sophie: Thanks, Jack.
Jack: Also nicotine. The patches, not the cigarettes.
Sophie: Okay.
Jack: Internet porn. Non-internet... well, porn, basically. Also compulsive gambling, compulsive lying, compulsive eating. Tacos. I got a big taco problem. I think it all stems from my time as an operative for the CIA in Beirut. Not the tacos, the drinking part.

Hardison gets a gun from gang members during a fight and shoots their car before he and Eliot run away.

Eliot: Nice job, blowing out the engine block.
Hardison: I was aiming for his leg.


Eliot: Gimme the gun, Hardison!

Eliot: I've had concussions. You don't snore.

Hardison: Woah, woah. I haven’t slept in three days. I had a showdown with two different gangs, who, now by the way, know my face. I sat on a bomb. And all this could’ve been avoided had you gave the man a taco.

Sophie: (Regarding Parker) She needs to be around people who better understand the issues she's struggling with. People more like her.

Cut to Parker running out of the rehab center towards the rest of the team.

Parker: Hi! Hey. I missed you guys! (Runs at Eliot and jumps on him)
Eliot: (Catching her) Oh... heha. When do the happy pills wear off?
Nate: Uhh... usually about twenty-four hours.
Parker: I missed you! (Leaves Eliot and goes to hug Hardison)
Hardison: That's too bad. I kind of like this Parker.

The Juror No. 6 Job [1.11]

Hardison: (about Parker) Rappelling off a building, she's okay with. But small talk, conversation? Scares her to death. It's not her thing.

Parker: Alice made a friend!
Eliot: You made a friend.
Parker: You're right. I made a friend. Do you think she'll want to go steal a painting with me?
Sophie: One step at a time, Parker.

Sophie: You know the deliveryman with the five children?
Parker: Gay?
Sophie: Bulimic. But Trevor, the frat boy... yeah. Super gay.
Parker: What about Peggy?
Sophie: Well, yes. She is disgustingly normal. But the point is, everyone has their own Alice White. You've just given yours a name.

Peggy: I'm starving.
Parker: Yeah, I could kill for a steak right now.
Peggy: I thought you were vegetarian.
Parker: I am. I meant... a bean steak. A steak... made of beans. Held together with soy glue.

The First David Job [1.12]

Maggie: (to Nate) I never stopped caring about you.
Sophie: (listening over comms, loudly and sarcastically) GREAT! (Blackpool looks at her) Sorry, my English is... Great, great opportunities like this, they come along very rarely.

(Parker and Hardison are in the van when Nate gets into the vault where the Davids are stored) Parker: (in a high pitched voice to the fake David) Look little guy! That's gonna be your new home!

Hardison: Can you please not play with the little naked man? Please?

Parker: (Clutching the fake David protectively) No, no! We can't let your ex-wife anywhere near our little naked man!

Sophie: We're all addicts, Nate! We're all addicted to our pasts.

Nate approaches Ian Blackpool, his former boss who is responsible for his son's death, with a gun.

Ian Blackpool: You going to kill me, Nate?
Nate: Not today.
Ian Blackpool: In that case, come in. There's shrimp. Leaves
Nate: (Tosses the gun behind him) I do love shrimp.

Hardison: Man, am I glad we don’t have to break in there. That is one sick security system.
Parker: Come on, with our tools? Give me three days of prep, it'll be like taking diamonds from the French National Museum. That's like taking candy from a baby.
Hardison: Got it.
Parker: A really easy baby.
Hardison: I got it!

Parker's dramatic and clever heist plan has awed Hardison.

Hardison: You did not just think of this on the way in from the van.
Parker: Some people do crosswords.

Hardison and Parker are avoiding being caught by laser sensors

Hardison: Okay, I want you to know, you touch these lasers, I'm running like a bat out of hell, and I pray you can keep up.

Ian Blackpool: Let's not give that heathen a dime more than he needs!
Nate: I'm going to assume that the heathen isn't me?

Parker: (Excitedly) WE JUST STOLE AN EIGHT THOUSAND YEAR OLD STATUE! On, like, our day off!

Quinn: (Frustrated after fighting with Eliot for a long time) Why won't you go down?!

Eliot laughs.

Jim Sterling: (To Nate, over Parker's comm) Let's see how many birds we have in the hand. You know this is Parker's, Alec Hardison?
Soldier: (Over Hardison's comm) Accounted for, sir. And we've got the money, too.
Sterling: Marvelous. Eliot Spencer?
Eliot: (Over the comm) Hey, Sterling. I've got some dental work with your name on it. What say we hook up so I can give it to you?

[a video message for Sterling on the monitors at Leverage HQ]
Hardison: Hey, Sterling! Get out of our house!

The Second David Job [1.13]

Parker: (walking in, to Eliot and Sophie) What's going on?
Eliot: Sophie here was just trying to apologize.
Sophie: What? No I wasn't!
Parker: Aw, she tried that with me earlier. She kinda sucks at it.

Sophie is talking to the team, minus Nate, about her actions in the previous episode.

Eliot: (Angrily, regarding Hardison) You apologized to him first? (Shouting) Why am I last?!

Hardison is excited about the number of results a mark got when searching victims of a curse

Hardison: Eliot, what does that say?
Eliot: It says 'dead'.
Hardison: That's right. Dead. D-E-D, dead.
Eliot, Nate: D-E-A-D!
Hardison: I know that... I know... I know how to spell 'dead,' damnit! I can steal a bank, I can spell 'dead'!

Maggie Collins: (Punching Blackpoole) Screw therapy. That felt good!

Eliot goes on a date with Maggie to scope for info, while the rest of the team listens from the van and watches via his camera button

Maggie: (places her hand on Eliot's) I wanna thank you. I haven’t dated a lot since my marriage broke up.
Elliot: I’m sorry to hear that.
Maggie: No, don’t be. He was obsessive, perfectionist, controlling.
Nate: Organized. She used to say I was organized…and punctual.

The others simply nod and mm-hmm

Elliot: He must’ve had some good qualities.
Maggie: No. Not even in bed.

Hardison's eyes go wide as Parker winces 'ohhhh!', looking over at a quiet Nate

Maggie: Every night was prom night, know what I mean? But worst of all... he completely forgot that I gave him that same button camera for Christmas a few years ago. Eliot looks even more awkward, as she smiles.

Sterling: [to Nate] Of course, you know your entire plan depended on me being a self-serving, utter bastard.
Nate: [smirks] Yeah, that's a stretch.

Sterling: (to Blackpoole) Corner office? I don't know what to say.
Nate: How about, 'suddenly I'm more comfortable in enclosed spaces'?

Maggie: You actually expect this to work?
Hardison: No, you're supposed to say 'Wow, that's just crazy enough to work!'
Sophie: Incredibly, chance does seem to bend itself to his bizarre mechinations.
Parker: (whispering to Maggie) That's his superpower. (sniffs Maggie's shoulder)

Maggie: (joking, to Hardison) You're not reading my emails, are you?
Hardison: No, no... (mouths behind her back) Yes.

Maggie: You can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.
Eliot: Whoa.... (laughing)
Hardison: That's... what we do. (chuckles)
Parker: You're adorable. (pets Maggie's head)

Sophie: (to Maggie over the comms) Run up to him. Be a little out of breath, it helps disguise that you're lying.
Hardison: Now, that's informative.
Eliot: See, you learn and you con.

Nate: Grifter, hitter, hacker, thief. You were all trying to solve your version of the crime instead of just trying to solving the crime. There’s a reason we work together.

[Sterling and Blackpool confront Nate in the middle of the darkened Two Davids Gallery]
Sterling: [grinning] Gotcha, Nate.
Nate: That was the whole point. You know all that chasing around? "Don't let Nate Ford near the two Davids, how's he going to get the two Davids?" I wasn't the mastermind on this one, Sterling. I'm the bait. [smiling calmly] Three, two, one.
[the lights come back on, revealing empty walls where the paintings once hung]

Season 2

The Beantown Bailout Job [2.1]

[Parker walks out of Nate's kitchen dressed as a nun]
Eliot: She's dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.
Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
Eliot: It's Parker.
Nate: Ah. Fair enough.

Parker: So what are the chances that Eliot's crotch explodes?

Sophie: [as she, Eliot, and Nate walk away from tricking the mob that Eliot was killed] Oh, I love a good death scene!

The Tap Out Job [2.2]

[Sophie posing as a producer meets with the guy they're trying to hook]
Rucker: What event are you here to produce?
[Sophie hesitates, Hardison hurriedly looks up local events, speaking in her earpiece]
Hardison: On it... tractor pull in Grand Island... livestock show in Council Bluffs... white people doing other white people things...

[Nate, Sophie, and Eliot leave the meeting she had with their mark]
Nate: Trianna. Really.
Hardison: [through earpiece] Hey man, you're lucky I didn't give you a monster truck rally on an Indian reservation.
Eliot: Now what?
Nate: We have to hook this guy and convince him that Sophie is the real deal.
Eliot: How are we going to do that?
Nate: Let's go steal us a concert.

The Order 23 Job [2.3]

Parker: So what do we do now?
Nate: Well, I just sent Eddie to the hospital. So let's go steal us a hospital.

Parker: So let me get this straight... you're a doctor.
Nate: Yeah.
Parker: What if someone asks you to deliver a baby?
Nate: I'd say I'm not an obstetrician.
Parker: What, a what?
Nate: A baby doctor.
Parker: Well, what if there's a train accident and there's stretchers everywhere and someone points to you and says 'Hey you! Help me with this sucking chest wound!'
Nate: I'd stick my hand in the chest and hope for the best.
Parker: Oh, you are so not operating on me.

[as Parker and Nathan watch on a computer monitor, the team's mark develops a spontaneous nosebleed]
Parker: Did you just give a guy a nosebleed with the power of your mind?

Parker: Is it just me, or has Nate gotten even more sadistic since he stopped drinking?
Sophie: Is it just me, [grins] or does that make him even more attractive?

The Fairy Godparents Job [2.4]

The Three Nights of the Hunter Job [2.5]

(Sophie has taken the lead on the job, and is explaining it to the team with her usual flair)
Sophie: …and then to protect themselves, they issue an apology to Mr. Pennington, and then they throw Monica Hunter into the jaws of the very media machine that she bent to her own malicious will.
Parker: Wow. I gotta say, Sophie's briefings are much more dramatic.
Eliot: And poetic.

Sophie: (after explaining how they're going to bring down their target) Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to DC to make news!
(long pause, as she just stands there, watching them)
Nate: That's when you want to, uh... (makes a get-out motion)
Sophie: I'm going to do that bit again. (more excited) Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to DC to make news!
(she walks off screen as you hear a door open and shut)
Nate: She's walking into the closet...

Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources, she has to craft the narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare!
[Nate looks at her in disbelief, then turns to Eliot]
Nate: Do I sound that creepy when I…
Eliot: Hell. Yes.

[Hardison is being held at an army base after their mark goes a little too far]
Hardison: [over coms] Get me out of here!
Sophie: Working on it!
Parker: On it! [gets ready to leave]
Sophie: No, no, no, no! You cannot go. You're dead. Monica Hunter sees you and the whole con is blown.
Parker: Right.
Hardison: Damn the con! I am a black man caught on an army base with a video camera! I am going to jail forever!

The Top Hat Job [2.6]

Eliot: [over comms] Hardison, we got a problem.
Hardison: What kind of problem?
Eliot: They're MRI-ing my pizza and their stance says ex-CIA.
Hardison: You can tell somebody worked for the CIA just from how they stand?
Eliot: It's a very distinctive stance!

[Hardison shows off his hacking skills using a cell phone]
Parker: You picked his pockets without stealing anything. Cool.
Hardison: It's what I do. A man, a phone, no limits.
Eliot: A man, a phone, no action. Come on, man, you left that out there like a hanging curve ball!

[after the job, Eliot and Sophie talk about Nate]
Eliot: He's fine. We practically had to beg him to come back, all right? He's not drinking, he's at the top of his game. I gotta be honest with you, I can't even believe we pulled this one off.
Sophie: Well, that's the problem. He keeps winning. Every time he wins, he believes a little bit more that he can control…life.
Eliot: It's what gets him through the day.
Sophie: What happens when he loses? Last time he lost, it broke him. He breaks again, I don't think even we could pick up the pieces.

The Two Live Crew Job [2.7]

[the team is trying to deal with a bomb sent to Sophie]
Parker: Is that C4?
Sophie: Ohh, Parker! Please don't poke at the motion-sensitive bomb!

[after Sophie's "funeral"]
Sophie: Those were some nice things you said at my funeral.
Hardison: We trust Nate to make sure the plan works. We trust you to make sure we're all okay.

[Parker is staring intently at Sophie]
Sophie: Stop it.
Parker: It's like you're haunting us.
Sophie: Parker, I'm not really dead. [Parker reaches to check her pulse] I'm not dead!

[Hardison and Chaos jump out of their vans and stare each other down]
Hardison: Chaos. I heard you were in jail. Guess I was wrong.
Chaos: Hardison. I heard you sucked. Guess I was right.

The Ice Man Job [2.8]

(Eliot is posing as store security, Hardison is posing as a British thief hired by Russians, who are watching them from outside)
Eliot: (as Hardison pretends to punch him to the floor) Next time, I get to be the thief.
Hardison: I'd like to see you do an accent.
Eliot: (irritated, as he takes another 'punch') I'd like to see you do an accent!

The Lost Heir Job [2.9]

Tara Carlisle: I checked you out, Mr. Ford. Half my sources say you're a vicious thief. The other half claim you're some kind of high-tech vigilante.
Nate: I like that. I should put that on my card.

The Runway Job [2.10]

The Bottle Job [2.11]

The Zanzibar Marketplace Job [2.12]

The Future Job [2.13]

The Three Strikes Job [2.14]

The Maltese Falcon Job [2.15]


Timothy Hutton - Nathan Ford
Gina Bellman - Sophie Devereaux
Christian Kane - Eliot Spencer
Beth Riesgraf - Parker
Aldis Hodge - Alec Hardison

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