| Meet the Spartans | |
|---|---|
 Theatrical release poster |
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| Directed by | Jason Friedberg Aaron Seltzer |
| Produced by | Jason Friedberg Aaron Seltzer Peter Safran |
| Written by | Jason Friedberg Aaron Seltzer |
| Starring | Sean Maguire Carmen Electra Diedrich Bader Ken Davitian Method Man Nicole Parker |
| Music by | Christopher Lennertz |
| Studio | Regency Enterprises |
| Distributed by | 20th Century Fox |
| Release date(s) | January 25, 2008 |
| Running time | Theatrical cut 83 minutes Unrated cut 86 minutes |
| Country | Canada United States |
| Language | English |
| Budget | $30,000,000 |
| Gross revenue | $84,646,831 |
| Preceded by | Epic Movie |
| Followed by | Disaster Movie |
Meet The Spartans is a 2008 parody film directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.[1] Similar to past movies, such as Scary Movie and Date Movie, it directs parodies at various films. Although it references many movies, TV shows, people and pop cultural events, it focuses mainly on the 2007 film 300.
Contents |
The film opens with a Spartan elder inspecting an ugly, talking baby. It is abandoned to die, as is the custom of the time. Next, he inspects a Vietnamese baby, and Brangelina instantly adopts it. Baby Leonidas is then inspected, having a six-pack, biceps, and beard from birth. He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training, from fighting his grandmother to enduring torture. Leonidas (Sean Maguire) is then cast out into the wild, and survives the harsh winter. Returning a king for his inauguration ceremony, Leonidas sees Margo (Carmen Electra) dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her chastity belt.
Years later, Leonidas is training when Captain (Kevin Sorbo) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived. The messenger has come to present Xerxes' demands for Sparta's submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth tongue kisses for the men). After growing angry with both the messenger's disrespect and making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him into the 'pit of death'. Despite advice that the messenger's guards are now needed to convey the actual message, he kicks them in as well. Afterwards, he dumps in several other people he simply dislikes.
Resolving to face the Persians, Leonidas visits the Oracle, for any advice. The Oracle, Crista Flanagan, reveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war. The next day, Leonidas meets the soldiers assembled for his departure to Thermopylae, and finds that only 13 (not 300) were accepted in the army, since there were stringent specifications to be accepted— "Hunky with deep Mediterranean tans, and well-endowed". Three among them include Captain, his son, Sonio, and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio, who, as the Captain states, "Has a lot of heart...and nice man boobs." Once at the Hot Gates, they encounter Paris Hilton (also played by Parker), who tells Leonidas and the Captain about a secret goat path above the Hot Gates that Xerxes could use to outflank the Spartans. When she asks to be made a Spartan soldier Leonidas rejects her as unqualified.
Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a dance contest before driving them off a cliff. Xerxes (Ken Davitian), impressed, personally approaches Leonidas and attempts to bribe him in a Deal or No Deal fashion. Despite the soldiers' encouragements, the Spartan king declines, saying that he will instead make the "God King" fall. The Spartans then face the Persian army in a "Yo Momma" fight, ending with a victory, in spite of Dilio having his eyes scratched out. Though victory seemed to be in the Spartans' grasp, Paris Hilton betrays the Spartans and reveals the location of the goat path to Xerxes. Using a CGI army, blue screen included, Xerxes meets the twelve remaining Spartans and the war is on.
Meanwhile, back in Sparta, Queen Margo has several confrontations with Traitoro, a politician, because he is the vital vote in sending more troops to assist her husband. His treachery is revealed when it is discovered that Xerxes is in Traitoro's 'Top Five' cell phone contact list. The others agree to send more troops.
At the Battle of Thermopylae, the Persians introduce their secret weapons: Ghost Rider and Rocky Balboa. Both are defeated but Sonio dies in the fight.
Leonidas pursues Xerxes. The God-king transforms into a giant robot; he trips on his extension cord and crushes all the surviving soldiers from both sides.
The blind Dilio, who left prior to the final battle, eventually returns to Sparta to tell of Leonidas' final moments. A year later, Dilio leads a force of one hundred real Spartans and several thousand CGI-ones to defeat the Persians, but the blind warrior ends up going the wrong way and leads the Spartans to Malibu.
The film ends with a musical number set to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" performed on American Idol by all of the characters in the film.
Four of the actors in Meet the Spartans also appeared in Epic Movie. Carmen Electra played Mystique, Jim Piddock played Magneto, Jareb Dauplaise played Nacho Libre, and Crista Flanagan played Hermione Granger.
The film received almost universally negative reviews from critics. Rotten Tomatoes ranked the film 25th in the 100 worst reviewed films of the 2000s, with a rating of 2%."[2] Metacritic reported the film had an average score of 9 out of 100, based on 11 reviews — indicating "extreme dislike or disgust" and being the worst received film by the director on the site.[3]
One reviewer in Scotland's The Sunday Herald gave the film a score of zero, as did Ireland's Day and Night while an Australian newspaper review described it as being "as funny as a burning orphanage". The Radio Times said "After enduring the torturously unfunny Date Movie and Epic Movie, one could be forgiven for concluding that the art of cinematic parody was in terminal decline. This latest instalment in Friedberg and Seltzer's franchise hammers a final nail into the coffin with an utterly atrocious collection of imbecilic skits... it's junk-food cinema at its worst. One cringes to think what future cultural historians will make of it… and us."[4] In London, The Times reviewer Wendy Ide suggested that the producers of the film were not aiming for 'laughs' but "a simian grunt of recognition from an audience that must have been practically brain-dead to fork out £10 to see a film that can’t even master the concept of out-takes?". This film was the lowest-rated of the 2008 film season.
Most of the film's criticism consisted of not having many actual jokes and instead having an over-reliance on pop culture references.[5] Several recurring gags were criticized for being overused, such as throwing various celebrities down the Pit of Death or the ambiguous sexuality of the Spartans.
The film's score by Christopher Lennertz was commended by some critics, particularly Christian Clemmensen from Filmtracks.com, who considered it one of the best scores of 2008.[6]
Upon news of Meet the Spartans box office success, The Soup staff created a sketch that parodies all previous "Parody Movies" by mentioning the film's weak comedy stunts.
On January 21, 2009, the film received five nominations for the 29th Golden Raspberry Awards:[7] Worst Picture (jointly with Disaster Movie), Worst Supporting Actress (Electra), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel.
Despite the overwhelmingly negative critical reaction, the film opened #1 at the US box office, grossing $18,505,530 over its opening weekend,[8] narrowly edging out fellow newcomer Rambo, which was briefly parodied in the credits of this film. The film dropped 60.4% in its second weekend grossing $7,336,595 expanding to 2643 theaters while ranking fourth at the box office. The film grossed $38,233,676 in the United States and Canada and grossed $45,787,889 Internationally, adding up to a Worldwide gross in foreign countries of $84,021,565.
The film was released on Blu-ray Disc and DVD on June 3, 2008, in an "Unrated Pit of Death" Edition and a PG-13/theatrical release of the film. The theatrical cut does not include extras but includes widescreen and full screen versions on one dual disc. A "ruder & cruder" version was later released in the UK on August 18.
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Rambo: Have you seen the new Rambo movie?
Paris Hilton: Have you seen a shower?
Messenger: [Leonidas has kissed the Persian's messenger on the mouth] What the hell was was that?!
Leonidas What?
Messenger You kissed me!
Leonidas: That is how men greet eachother in Sparta: high-fives for the women and open-mouthed tongue kisses for the men.
Leonidas: [picks up subway sandwich] No mayo? This is bullshit!
Leonidas: I had always wanted to do a fat chick.
Urban Girl: Yo mama's so fat, her pant size is, um... um... Bitch, lose some weight!
Leonidas: Yo mama's so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookiee!
Traitoro: [to Leonidas] My lord, he will tell
Xerxes that Sparta is not for them, so whatever you do, don't kick
him into the pit of death. [Leonidas does the opposite of what
Traitoro says] Stop kicking people into the pit of death!
Really!
Queen Margo: [with a mini-vac] How do you like me now, Sandman?
Leonidas: I'm assembling an army to go to war with
Persia. I'm going to take them in the rear... and then I'm gonna
reach around, and I'm gonna take them again from the front!
Captain: I'm gonna go Hercules on your ass!
Paris Hilton: I'm a Hilton; I don't bow... but I
do bend over.
Leonidas: Who is that? (looking at a hunk
coming)
Captain: That's my son. Sonio.
Leonidas: Well, he's got a huge package. (We see that Sonio is carrying a huge package with him)
Xerxes: I tell you, kid, you got balls. I come
over here with a big army, we're goin’ to shish kebab your ass!
Xerxes: Enough of this victorious video game violence!
Narrator: Buttmeister Presents: Real men of genius!
Male singer: Real men of genius!
Narrator: Today, we salute you, Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.
Male singer: Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual!
Narrator: Wearing nothing but leather underwear and a cape, you charge your enemy like an oiled-up hairless wonder.
Male singer: Sprayed-on tan! *Leonidas sprays himself*
Narrator: Sure, there's danger: charging rhinos, stampeding elephants, and that cute toga-wearing guy named Chad.
Male singer: Ooh!
Narrator: You only went out on one date, but you'll remember it forever... forever... *Leonidas' army spits out their beer*
Male singer: Take your daily w:Valtrex! *Leonidas chugs a whole pill bottle of Valtrex*
Narrator: Your keen instincts tell you to cut, slice, and chop every man you see. But enough about your career as a hairstylist. Let's talk war.
Male singer: Ow! The curling iron is hot!
Narrator: So this Butt's for you, King Leonidas! Because when the going gets tough, the tough go antiqueing. *Leonidas spits out his beer*
Male singer: Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual! Oooooohhhh, yeah.
Narrator: Xerxes, he looked a lot like that fat
guy from Borat.
Bond Villain: Tell me Mr. Bond, what is the accont number?
Leonidas: (tied to a chair) Who the hell is Mr. Bond? I'm Leonidas!
Bond Villain: You're testing my patience, Double-o.
Leonidas: I told you, I am not double-oooo! Ooooo! Little Miss Sunshine!
Bond Villain: Say hello to Captain Adorable!
Leonidas: We may have won the battle, but they will win the war!
Other 12 Spartans: Aaah... What?
Leonidas: Adjust your sword, boy, it's digging into my back.
Sonio: But I’m not wearing my sword.
Leonidas: [pause] Carry on then.
Sanjaya Malakar: [singing, after Leonidas kicks him into the pit of death] I'm not gay!
Ogre Baby: Are you my mama? 'Cause I'm ready to
suck on a teat.
Narrator: In the land of Sparta, when babies were
born, the elders would inspect them for defects. If any
imperfections were found, the baby was rejected, and if the baby
was Vietnamese, Brangelina would get first dibs.
Penguin: Say "what's up" to Anna Nicole for
me!
Leonidas: We'll funnel the persians in where their
numbers won't count for shit!
Ryan Seacrest: I'm sorry, king, but your journey
ends here.
Chris Crocker: [on the Xerxestron] Leave
Britney alone! Please!
Leonidas: Oh, go f--k yourselves! [shoves Randy
Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell into the pit of death]
Leonidas: Man, you got happy feet! Penguin: I'm about to shove my "happy foot" up your ass! Cracker, where you goin', pussy?
Penguin: Arhh! My ass hurt! Why're you gonna do me like that? C'mon! I was just joking! [gets stabbed by Leonidas' "penguin emergency" spear]
Donald Trump: Spidey, you're fired! [cuts the
webbing Queen Margo, who's dressed as Bad Spider-Man, is hanging
from; she shoots webbing, which removes Trump's wig and causes him
to freak out]
Leonidas: I'm sorry, but we cannot use you.
Paris Hilton: Ah! Ah! No-o! It's not fair! Mom! You'll be sorry! You're making a terrible mistake! [throws her armor in the air] I'm not as stupid as I look!
Britney Spears: [while falling into the Pit of Death] K-Fed! Come back to me! Please! I'll let ya! I'll let ya under my skirt!
Paris Hilton: [talking on the phone] Hello? Oh, hey Nicole. Nothing, just some guys with swords... not their actual swords. Ugh, you're gross. Yeah, I'm hungry. Did you eat? Oh, you ate an almond? Yeah, you are done eating for the day. Okay, then let's go to Pinkberry. Bye, sexy.
Penguin: [putting its testicles to Leonidas' face
while fighting him] Lick my snowballs!
Leonidas' Grandmother: Come on, you little shit! Come on! You can't beat me! You're never gonna be a Spartan! Never!
Young Leonidas: Take this, Granny! [punches his grandmother in the face, causing her dentures to fall out]
Simon Cowell: I thought the kick was utterly dreadful. In fact, I've seen better kicks from a geriatric donkey and I am not talking about you Paula.
(After Xerxis shoots one of his slaves) SPARTANS: Oh shit!
Leonidas: THIS IS SPARTA!!!
Brittney Spears: (Singing and Shaving Head) Oh,
no. Oh, yeah. Uh-Huh. Yeah. (Talking) I don't know why y'all have
to always get on my back for everything. I'm a responsible adult.
Look at me-I'm booby-feeding my baby. Sometimes I like to give him
fried milk. I call 'em milk poppers. It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried. And you just pop 'em in your mouth. He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby! (Singing) Goo-goo. Gah-gah. Gah-gah,
gah-gah-gah-gah. (Raspy Panting in baby's face) (Talking) I'm a
smart shopper. I got this entire outfit in an alleyway from a
Mexico woman. (Singing) Bargain...Shopping...Yeah. (Talking) Why do
y'all think I'm messed up? Shit! Do I look crazy to you? (Sighs and
Spreds legs)
Leonidas: The Oracle also says that our painted on abs look fake but I beg to differ. (Someone is painting fake looking abs on Dilio)
Margo: There's only one woman who's words you should listen to.
Leonidas: (Nods) Oprah.
Margo: Your Wife.
Prophet: Douchebag says what.
Leonidas: What?
Prophet: Chest waxer says what.
Leonidas: What?
Random Person: Traitoro was a Traitor?
   | ''Meet the Spartans'' at The Numbers - Meet the Spartans - Box Office Data, Movie News, Cast Information - The Numbers |
| | Official site - Meet The Spartans |
| | Meet the Spartans - Movie Reviews, Trailers, Pictures - Rotten Tomatoes - Meet the Spartans Movie Reviews, Pictures - Rotten Tomatoes |
| | US Movie Box Office Chart Weekend of January 25, 2008 - The Numbers - US Movie Box Office Chart Weekend of January 25, 2008 |
| | Meet the Spartans - Meet the Spartans (2008) - Movie Info - Yahoo! Movies |
| | Official site - Meet The Spartans |
| | Meet the Spartans - Bottom Line: "300" was funnier. - The Hollywood Reporter |
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