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My Boys
My Boys.png
Format Comedy
Created by Betsy Thomas
Starring Jordana Spiro
Kyle Howard
Reid Scott
Michael Bunin
Jamie Kaler
Jim Gaffigan
Kellee Stewart
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 3
No. of episodes 40 (List of episodes)
Executive producer(s) Betsy Thomas
Gavin Polone
Jamie Tarses
Running time 22 minutes
Original channel TBS
Original run November 28, 2006 (2006-11-28) – present
External links
Official website

My Boys is a United States television sitcom that debuted on November 28, 2006, on TBS. The show deals with a female sports columnist in Chicago and the men in her life including her brother, her ex-boyfriend, her best friend, and a sportswriter for a rival publication.



PJ Franklin (Jordana Spiro) is a professional sportswriter looking for love within her world, which is dominated by her group of male friends. Her "boys" are her family, which sometimes hinders PJ's dating life, as the men she tries to date don't know how to react to her unconventional interests and the all-important men in her life.

Her tomboyish, upfront approach to relationships tends to intimidate potential suitors, which leads her only female friend to advise her to dress and act more feminine. Being "one of the guys" can mean a lot of great things: poker games, pick-up softball games, watching sports or just hanging out at a favorite bar. But for PJ being a girl who’s one of the guys can be challenging.

During the first season, many of the episodes involved some of the characters going to, a sponsor of the show, that is often referenced in conversation on the show.[1] The first season seemed to end with a cliffhanger on December 28, 2006. The episode "The Promise of a New Season" aired July 30 and was originally billed as the beginning of the second season. The season had a mere 9 episodes. Later, the first 13 episodes which aired in 2006 were combined with these 9 episodes and the 22 episodes were together released as Season One on DVD. The show had been picked up for a second season with eight episodes,[2] but ended up having 9 episodes. Season 2 premiered on Thursday June 12, 2008. The second season, like the first, ended on a cliffhanger. The third season premiered on Tuesday March 31, 2009, with another set of 9 episodes. The second season cliffhanger is resolved, as Bobby and Elsa break off their engagement, and he admits to P.J. that he had feelings for her. The two date throughout the season, although they try to keep it a secret, to no avail. Meanwhile, Brendan opens the new club with John but quickly finds himself doing all of the work. After pointing out how valuable he is to John, he manages to negotiate a better salary and work schedule. He also realizes his pattern of dating mentally unstable women, such as the one in "Carpe Burritoem", has to stop; a point emphasized by the crazy "girlfriend" of Chicago Cubs player Mike Fontenot, who makes a cameo appearance in the season 3 finale. At the end of the season, it is revealed that not only did Kenny and Stephanie continue to secretly date after their night in Arizona, they are in love.

On October 7, 2008, TBS announced it would run a third season of the show. A new set of nine episodes premiered on March 31, 2009.[3] On September 11, 2009, it was confirmed on TV Guide's Internet page that the show has been picked up for a fourth season, although it would only head back into production in January 2010 - with the new season premiering on TBS in the following summer.[4]

Main characters

  • Jordana Spiro portrays Penelope Jane "P.J." Franklin, a sportswriter for the Chicago Sun-Times, the protagonist, first-person narrator, and the core of the group.
  • Jim Gaffigan portrays Andy Franklin, PJ's brother, whose wife was thought by the gang to keep him on a short leash; however, after she throws him a fabulous birthday party they realize she is a fun woman. Andy admits he likes using his wife as an excuse to go home because sometimes he feels tired and wants to go home, "like an old man".
  • Reid Scott portrays Brendan 'Brendo' Dorff, a former hard-rock radio DJ and former roommate of PJ, whose on-again, off-again relationship with his girlfriend often leaves him crashing at PJ's apartment and eventually leads to him moving in with her again. In season 2 he loses his DJ job when the station is bought out by corporate interests. He is usually dressed in a band T-Shirt. As of season 3, he is the manager of John's Club, an endeavor that he paired up with John, Bobby's friend whom he meets at Bobby's bachelor party.
  • Jamie Kaler portrays Mike Callahan, a commitment-challenged ladies man, who worked for the Chicago Cubs and now helps Kenny (below) run his sports memorabilia store.
  • Michael Bunin portrays Kenny Moritorri, a sports memorabilia store owner, who hasn't mastered the art of dating.He also has a love hate relatioship with Stephanie Layne. At the end of season 3 we see them having a secret relationship.
  • Kyle Howard portrays Bobby Newman, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune (the rival newspaper in Chicago), he was raised in one of the city's wealthiest families, and is a love interest of PJ's. As of season 3, he and P.J. are dating.
  • Kellee Stewart portrays Stephanie Layne, PJ's best friend, who gives her advice on men and dating from a female point of view. Author of a best-selling book about relationships, You're a Great Guy, But.... She also has a love/hate relatioship with Kenny Moritorri. At the end of season 3 we see them having a secret relationship.

Secondary Characters

  • Jeannie Noth portrays Meredith, Andy's wife. Andy uses her as an excuse to leave poker games early until PJ learns she's actually fun. Noth is actually Jim Gaffigan's real wife.
  • Johnny Galecki portrays Trouty, a friend of Kenny's who was brought over to play poker one night. He also got the gang into an exclusive nightclub. At first he comes off as quite annoying, but it is revealed he is a good guy who tries too hard. He constantly wears a hands-free phone piece in his ear.
  • Eddie McClintock portrays Hank, one of PJ's old boyfriends. They broke up because Hank didn't fit in with her friends, which was unacceptable to PJ.
  • Jeremy Sisto portrays Thorn, PJ's summer fling from college. Their relationship was left open-ended, until he comes back from Afghanistan to possibly rekindle a relationship with PJ. He is revealed to be engaged, but turns up later and announces that his relationship with his fiancée has ended.
  • Travis Schuldt portrays Matt Dougan, the new Cubs pitcher, who persistently pursues PJ. They briefly date, but PJ breaks it off when she considers it would be unethical. The relationship opens up again when Matt reveals he is not a Cub anymore.
  • Michael Landes portrays Evan, a botanist PJ meets at Andy's barbecue in the suburbs, who quickly becomes a love interest.
  • Nia Vardalos portrays Jo, Andy's "work wife" who seems to want more than just being friends with him.
  • Billy Burke portrays Jack, Bobby's smooth-talking brother who shows an interest in PJ.
  • Mini Anden portrays Elsa, Bobby's former fiancée. She was also Andy's Swedish nanny. Bobby and Elsa called off their wedding hours before it was to take place.
  • Lindsey Stoddart portrays Wendy, Brendan's former fiancée, who returns later  — married and expecting a child.



The series takes place in Chicago and makes references to many real-life Chicago locations, and even suburban areas and Northwest Indiana. These include Wrigley Field, Billy Goat Tavern, Metro, Churrascaria, and various bars and streets. Despite frequent second unit establishing shots of Chicago, almost all of the principal filming is done in Los Angeles. Three episodes, "Baseball Myths", "110% Solution", and "Rome, If You Want To", included scenes taking place in Chicago. Scenes took place in the Art Institute of Chicago, Northerly Island, the skydeck of the Sears Tower, and Wrigley Field. The last episode of season 3, called "Spring Training", was shot at the Chicago Cubs spring training facility and a nearby hotel in Mesa, Arizona.[5]

DVD release

DVD name Release date Ep # Additional information
The Complete First Season June 10, 2008 22 Behind the Scenes featurette, Sports Quiz, Gag Reel, Deleted Scenes.


External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

My Boys (2006-), created by Betsy Thomas, about a female sports columnist in Chicago. PJ has to deal with her romantic relationships while her world is dominated by her group of male friends.


Season 1

Pilot [1.1]

PJ: I've come to realize that almost everything in dating and relationships has a parallel to sports. Specially baseball. No. That´s probably because that´s what I do. I´m a sportswriter for the Chicago Sun Times. I cover the Cubs. It´s like for example your friends are you team. Okay that was easy.

Mike: After the third date chicks start expecting something.
PJ: Like a fourth date?

Brendan: So guys, I have some uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news.. Well, I was gonna come up and say this...
PJ: You broke up with Wendy
Brendan: Yeah how did you know?
PJ: Dude you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Kenny: Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Mike: Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
PJ: It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.

Brendan: You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.
PJ: Hum... huh.
Brendan: What ´huh´?
PJ: Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
Brendan: What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
PJ: No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
Mike: The girl bootie call?
PJ: Yeah it´s the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the ´hold me I´m scared´, ´I´m so lonely here without you´.The minute she finds somebody else, you´re out.

PJ: Hey, do you wanna see my baseball card collection? It´s in my bedroom!
Bobby: That is some collection!
PJ: Yeah. I´ve been building it for a while.
Bobby: Hum, PJ I just wanna say I really like you and whatever happens tonight..
PJ: Oh, Bobby. You don´t need to give me the speech, okay?
Bobby: What speech?
PJ: Oh you know, the "we will be friends anyway" speech. I know we will be friends.
Bobby: You do?
PJ: Yeah. And let´s be honest, we are both grown ups here, right?
Bobby: Yeah, yeah, uhm... I guess...
PJ: What´s wrong?
Bobby: Uh... I don´t know, you are... you´re kinda freaking me out a little bit.
PJ: Why? Oh, oh God... I´m sorry. Here, come sit down... we´ll take it slower.
Bobby: Oh! That, that, that.. that´s freaking me out. Can you maybe not say that stuff?
PJ: What stuff?
Bobby: The guy's stuff! I mean, guys act like that. Girls say things like, uh.. 'Wait', 'Why is this happening so fast?' or 'How do I know this isn't just one night stand?'
PJ: That would be completely acting.
Bobby: Fine, but that´s hot.
PJ: Okay, fine! Okay, look Bobby... this is really happening so fast, and we don´t know each other very well, and how do I know this isn't just one night stand?
Bobby: So, you´re mocking me?
PJ: Hum, a little bit.

Mixed Signals [1.2]

PJ: When you start dating someone or kinda dating someone, communication is key. Just like in baseball where every play depends on clear signals, one missed sign can cost you the game.

PJ: Oh that´s nice. That´s nice, huh?
Man1: It is. It´s really nice.
Man2: It´s nice
Man1: Nice. Nice
Man2: Nice
PJ: Come on you guys, he´s the new guy. He doesn´t know he´s not supposed to be nice around here. You´ll learn. All right you drunks, let´s go... Thank´s again man.
Bobby: Yeah, no problem... man.

PJ: You don´t know what it´s like okay? I´m the only woman. I can´t have a personal life at work, you know? It would rip me to shreds. I've finally got into a place where they forget I´m a woman.
Stephanie: You have such strange goals.

Stephanie: No no no no no... this is going to be a very bad idea.
Brendan: Oh don´t you start on me now too.. I get enough from her.
Stephanie: You look too good and there´s an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding
PJ: Wendy is going to take one look at you on that suit and either hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
Brendan: You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go on separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
PJ: My God! You love that you look that good!
Stephanie: Hoping to rub it in.
Brendan: No... no no no no... do you think it will work?

PJ: My point wasn't that I´m not interested, I just didn't want people from work to know.
Bobby: Including me apparently. okay I thought you weren't interested when you said 'Keep it professional'. And why didn't you say what you meant.
PJ: Well, it´s like we are in battle and behind the enemy lines and
Bobby: PJ, PJ! No! No more metaphors okay? I´m saying, I can´t read minds, okay? So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys and then you say that you don´t want it to be awkward, what am I supposed to think? And my God, why is that every time I talk to you I feel like I´m a chick?

Team Chemistry [1.3]

PJ: Brendooo! Wake up! It´s morning! You left something in the living room.

The Slump [1.4]

Mike: Bottom line is that we need to go out and be piggish without you looking over our shoulders and, let's be honest, judging the prey that we then...snare.
PJ: Oh my God, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin...and shut up again, I know what I just did!

The Show [1.5]

Andy: Meredith wants to live in the suburbs.
PJ: What!?
Andy: I know.
PJ: And you're thinking of going with her?!
Andy: Well, you know how it is: more space, better schools, quiet desperation.

Mike: Hey, what do you guys think would be the worst way to die? I'm gonna say being hit in the balls with lightning... or old age. Long and slow, that's no way to go.

Clubhouse Poison [1.6]

Free Agent [1.7]

Bobby: Why don't you guys just move it a night?
Mike: Move the Decathlon? Blasphemer!

Andy: (told he can play in the Decathalon) Really? Seriously? Okay.
Mike: You know, uh, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the Decathalon was stupid.
Andy: Yeah, well you know, it is stupid, if I wasn't participating.

Kenny: Are you gonna be good? Because PJ's really good.
Andy: I'm gonna be... I'm gonna try my best.
Kenny: Oh, he's one of those people who says stupid things like that.

PJ: No, you can't start with Jenga, I wanna watch Jenga.
Mike: Wow, you made your choice there, PJ. You know we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight.

PJ: I mean, what kind of relationship do you have if you can't come clean with the person you're with?
Stephanie: A relationship that will last! Look, it's like faking an orgasm or telling somebody that their baby is cute. These are good lies!

[playing $20,000 Pyramid]

Andy: [sits silent]
Kenny: Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.
Andy: Uh, uh...
Kenny: Anything, just say anything.
Andy: Uh...
Brendan: Nothin'.

[Kenny points at his watch, fidgets]

Andy: Oh, uh, alright.
Kenny: Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.
Andy: [talking over each other] Alright.
Kenny: We're running out of...
Andy: Alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, please, a clue.
Andy: Alright, alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, a clue, a clue.
Andy: Alirght. K-k-k-k.
Kenny: You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.
Andy: It's... it's round.
Kenny: A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.
Andy: No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.


Kenny: Uh, it's a car without a top.
Andy: Broken car.
Kenny: No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.
Andy: Beach car.
Kenny: I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.
Andy: You're not still giving me hints, are you?
Brendan: [laughing] Ah, that's money.
Andy: Was it a dunebuggy?
Kenny: A convertible!
Andy: A convertible what?

Hank: When I was in my twenties, I hung out in bars, with a bunch of friends. Everybody goes through that phase.
PJ: Okay, it's actually not a phase.
Hank: No, hey. I know that you're going through a time in your life when you're supposed to screw around, you know. It's fun, do it. But when you... and I don't want to say "grow up."
PJ: Then don't.
Hank: You'll find, as you get older, a lot of that stuff just falls away.

[playing Sorry!]

Brendan and Mike: (together) Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.
Kenny: You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.
Mike: Yeah!
Andy: You know what, apology not accepted.
Kenny: I would like a sincere apology.
Mike: It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."
Andy: Alright. (pulls card) Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?

[wake up together in bed]

PJ: I don't know what just happened.
Bobby: Well, sometimes a man and a woman get... a special feeling.
PJ: Shut up!

[playing Family Feud]

Andy: Brendan, tell me your heaviest piece of furniture.
Brendan: Thousand pound bed!
Mike: (echo) Thousand pound... bed. Why would you say thousand pound bed?

[drunk, playing (drinking) Candyland]

Andy: It's too hard!
Kenny: It's for ages three and up.

Mike: Princess Frostine.
Kenny: She's kind of cute.
Mike: Bonjour, princess.
Andy: I hope that's a lollipop...

Stephanie: What were you thinking sleeping with Bobby? And how was it?
PJ: I don't know what I was thinking. And it was a solid B. Perfect attendance, didn't turn in all of his homework.

PJ: But if you don't get my friends... you don't get me.

Mike: Hey, just for the sake of argument... it was *this* week?
PJ: Yes.
Andy: Is that what you called?
Brendan: It is, pay it up! Come on!
Mike: You couldn't hold out until Halloween, could you?
PJ: Wait a second here, you guys bet on when I would break up with Hank?
Brendan: Oh yeah, we do it for all the guys you date.
Andy: It's the first time I lost.
PJ: Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you.

Kenny: Well, now that he's history, I think it's safe to tell you that Mike couldn't stand him.
Mike: Oh! I liked him more than you did!
Kenny: That's not saying much.

PJ: Okay, that was Greg Zonar, and I didn't date him, he was stalking me.
Kenny: Mike stalked a girl once. But, Mike stalks a lot of girls.

Kenny: Fine, we start and finish on three. No fingernails, no disengaging your grip early. In the event of a dispute, we're gonna bring in a neutral party...
Mike: I know the rules of a thumb fight!

[Mike wins the thumb fight immediately]

PJ: (to Kenny) Hey, don't feel bad, you did better than last year, okay?
Mike: It was odd, it was like little girl hands.

[Kenny tackles Mike to the floor]

Superstar Treatment [1.8]

Kenny: I'm going on the record, I think Dani's great.
PJ: Puh-lease.
Kenny: Come on, she's cool, she's funny, she's sm-
PJ: Don't you dare say smart!
Kenny: Smurfy.
Stephanie: That's the only word you can think of that begins with "sm-"?
PJ: You were gonna say smart. About a woman who thought she was having dinner in another state.
Brendan: You know what guys, I feel like I've seen her before.
PJ: Oh hey, does this help jog your memory? (begins making porn music sounds and talking in a whispery voice) Oh, Mr. Cable Man-
Stephanie: (in a deep voice) Yes?
PJ: (in porn voice) I want all your channels!
Brendan: Wow, dinner and a movie.
Kenny: I've seen this one.

Managers [1.9]

Bobby: Come on, shots are on me. What do you want?
Andy: Uh, blue!

PJ:That was not Fun Andy!
Stephanie: Yes it was! Don't you remember? Fun Andy was the reason you spent your sweet sixteen party in the emergency room.
PJ:No, he had an allergic reaction.
Stephanie: To cocaine! You take sweet little lovable Andy and you cut him loose and he turns into Mr. Hyde. Or Dr. Jekyll. Who was the one with the fangs?

Take One for the Team [1.10]

Trouty: You ever made love on a bed of popcorn kernels, baby?

When Heroes Fall from Grace [1.11]

Aunt Phyllis: These are petanque boules that I won off of an old man in Provence.
PJ: Oh wow, these boules are... what are these?
Aunt Phyllis: It's lawn bowling, but much more pretentious.
PJ: Should we go out and... petanque?
Aunt Phyllis: I've got a better idea, why don't we go to a bar and get pe-tanked?

Released [1.12]

Mike: You're a good friend.
Bobby: You're a good friend too.
Mike: You're a really good friend.
Bobby: You're a really good friend.
PJ: Alright, before you two start making out can we please get back to the game!
Andy: This has been my favorite episode of Gilmore Girls.
Mike: Alright! (throws poker chip at Andy)
Andy: (in Valley Girl imitation) You guys were mad at each other, but then you got back together!

Baseball Myths [1.13]

Mike: Come on, Kenny, the guy tried to bring a goat into Wrigley Field.
Kenny: The goat had a ticket.
Brendan: It wasn't Goat Day.
Kenny: That's why he bought a ticket. Otherwise he'd have got in free.

Mike: I made out with my 10th grade English teacher, Miss Francis.
PJ: What?!
Mike: No, nonononono! It was two years ago, not when I was in high school. That would have been totally creepy.
Brendan: Did you call her Miss Francis?
Mike: Yes.
Brendan: That's still pretty creepy.

Mike: You know, something's been bugging me the last couple of days. Did Brendan put a baby in your stomach?
PJ: Yes, she lives with my mother.
Andy: That's who that little girl is! The one in the rock shirts with the five o'clock shadow.

Kenny: Mexican Freddy's really not Mexican.
Andy: Sure, just like they call fat guys "tiny" or ugly guys "handsome."
Kenny: What?
Andy: You know what I'm talking about, handsome.

PJ: You know, it's a funny thing about your wife, Andy, it turns out she does not feast on human flesh.

Mexican Freddy: It turns out I was working out my issues with my father... on your face.

Mike: Man, I can't believe Meredith is cool. I don't know what to believe anymore.

The Promise of a New Season [1.14]

PJ: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It is totally my fault and I'm sorry.
Brendan: But are you sorry?

Mike: We're celebrating, Bobby got his old job back!
Bobby: Yup, pay cut and everything.
Andy: Yeah, and I'm helping him celebrate while traffic clears.
PJ: It's nine o'clock, I think traffic's clear.
Andy: It worked! Let's celebrate!

Off Day [1.15]

[PJ announces she will be a guest on a TV show]

Mike: This is just the beginning. Today, The Turk Vardell Show. Tomorrow, SportsCenter.
Kenny: For two years. Then, The PJ Franklin Show. [Kenny and Mike scat an improvised theme song ending with PJ]
Brendan: Oh man, you're gonna be huge. National. I mean, you're gonna become America's sweetheart.
Bobby: Then you'll buy an enormous mansion, marry a rock star, develop a drug problem, become a recluse, disappear for a while... you know, lots of rumours that you're dead.
Mike: Then you're not! You reemerge with a brief stint on a cheesy reality show because you gotta lose the recluse weight.
Kenny: Then, you get your comeback. The New PJ Franklin Show. Same theme song! [Kenny and Mike do PJ theme song again]
Bobby: And then, it's time to write your crappy children's book, Even Unicorns Say I'm Sorry.[Kenny and Mike scat some more.]

Ethics [1.16]

[Stephanie announces that Brendan has been named one of Chicago's sexiest bachelors and there will be a party to celebrate.]

Mike: Sweet! Oh we are totally going. Oh, there will be a ton of women there hoping to glom on to one of the sexy bachelors.
Kenny: But we're not one of 'em.
Mike: Nope, but we know one. So we hover around Brando all night and when the moment's right, bang!
Kenny: Bang!
Mike: We swoop in to snag his drunken castoffs.
Andy: (falsetto) Daddy, how did you meet Mommy? (deep voice) Well dear, Mommy was a drunken castoff.
Bobby: Yeah, see, she wanted to go home with Uncle Brando that night, but Daddy was in the right place at the right time.
PJ: Daddy, do you think I can be a drunken castoff someday?
Andy: Dare to dream, sweetie. Goodnight.

Trouty: Hey, Sportin' Life, what number sexy are you?
Bobby: Uh, I'm not on the list, Trouty.
Trouty: What? Interrobang? What happened? Do you photograph puffy? Were you having a bad hair day? Although, you do kind of actively pursue that. I'm phmished. Ampersand flummoxed.
Bobby: Actually, Brendan is on the list, so.
Trouty: What number sexy are you?
Brendan: Thirty-seven.
Trouty:(winces) Slam! No man, that's cool. I mean, the important thing is that you're all up in there swinging.

PJ: Dude, I cannot date him, okay, he is a Cub, alright! That is breaking like a ton of unwritten journalism rules.
Mike: Unwritten rules were meant to be... written.
Kenny: Then broken.
Mike: Written then broken. Thanks Kenny, I got a little lost there.

Dirty Little Secrets [1.17]

Stephanie: We weren't in the same boat! I played with your boat in my boat's bathtub!

Second Chances [1.18]

Stephanie: I guess I thought debt counselling would be more like Driver's Ed. You know? Where you ignore the film strips that they show and sleep through a couple of lectures and be on your way.
PJ: That just cleared up so much about your driving.

Bobby: Dude, ideas are good. Light bulbs? Liberty? Beer? These things all started as ideas.

Thorn: And coming here having to tell you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I've survived helicopter crashes, being shot, an international flight seated next to Ann Coulter.

Douchebag in the City [1.19]

PJ: It was so weird, all she wanted to do today was "spa" and "club".
Andy: I like your verbs that are things. I think I'm gonna sandwich after I sofa here for a bit.

[Kenny reading his letter at Brendan's douchebag intervention]

Kenny: Dear Brendan, Ever since you got named in that sexy Chicago thing you've been kind of douchey. When you tried to get me to buy the new Fergie album it made me feel so lonely. I want you to get better. PS. I don't understand your girl jeans.

[Mike reads his letter]

Mike: Brendan. You screened my call, douchebag. You're a really big douche. If you were a superhero you'd be Captain Douchebag. Your superpowers would be screening calls and the ability to wreck any hang. Douche. And then I drew a picture of you as Captain Douchebag.
PJ: Who is he fighting?
Mike: That's a giant lizard.

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