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Myron Cohen (July 1, 1902 – March 10, 1986) was an American comedian and raconteur.

Cohen began as a salesman in the New York City garment industry. When calling on customers, before showing his samples, he would tell a joke in order to put everyone at ease and establish a friendly mood. Cohen's jokes were often more popular than his garment samples, and his customers urged him to become a professional comedian. He was a nightclub entertainer in the 1950s and 1960s, recording several live record albums and also frequently appearing on TV variety programs such as The Ed Sullivan Show. During the 1950's when there were numerous nightclub showroom venues throughout the nation, he was one of the top headliners, along with others, such as Sophie Tucker, Ted Lewis, Jimmy Durante, Joe E. Lewis, etc. Compared with many star performers, he was not aloof, and was very affable and approachable in public.

Although he spoke perfect, cultured English, he was a master at capturing the ethnic accents of the Jewish citizens of New York City. In this joke, the reader must imagine two middle-aged ladies with the proper accents:

Two women, who have known each other all their lives, who are like sisters, are visiting one day. The first woman says, "I don't know how to tell you this... I'm having an affair!" The second woman asks, "So who's the caterer?"

Son walks in on Old World, traditional father, who's watching a basketball game. Son is stunned: "Dad, I didn't know you liked basketball; what's the score?" Dad replies, "78 to 62." "Who's winning?" Dad says, "78."

"We just got back from vacation, a tour of the world. Next year, we'll go someplace else."

In one story, he portrays a self-made wealthy Jewish man (one of the nation's most prominent wholesalers and a leader within the field) whose wife has a serious illness, finding her usually uncommunicative, due either to pain or sedation. He remains at her bedside almost constantly, murmuring into her ear, usually to no avail. One day, he utters, "Oh, my dear, I wish there were something more I could do..." Surprisingly, she is having one of her rare pain-free and lucid moments. She looks up and clearly says, "There is one thing you can do." Her husband, overjoyed to receive this request, replies, "What is it? I'd do anything!" She then responds, "Bury me retail."

In another, he tells of the long-time store owner who has made his fortune by perpetually having "going-out-of-business" sales. His goal is to establish his son, so he can "go-out-of-business" for himself.

He could also do other accents, as with this example:

A Texan, visiting New York for the first time, finds himself lost, in the Lower East Side, a predominantly Jewish neighborhood. He asks a resident, "Can y'all tell me where ah am?" The resident takes one look and says, "Brudder, you're not in Marlboro Country!"

Here is a Cohen joke from one of his 50s records: A couple is before a divorce judge. The judge says: "And so Madam, I am going to find for you that you receive 400 dollars per week for the rest of your life or until such time that you remarry." And the husband says: "You know, judge, that's so fair of you that I also shall throw in a couple of dollars."

Cohen is interred at Cedar Park Cemetery, in Emerson, New Jersey.

Bibliography

• 1958: Laughing Out Loud. (Citadel Press).
• 1960: More Laughing Out Loud. (Citadel Press).
• 1960: Myron Cohen's Big Joke Book. (Citadel Press).
• 1978: The Myron Cohen Joke Book: Laughing Out Loud and More Laughing Out Loud. (Gramercy Books)