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Squidbillies title card
Genre Animated Comedy
Created by Jim Fortier
Dave Willis
Voices of Unknown Hinson
Daniel McDevitt
Dana Snyder
Bobby Ellerbee
George Lowe (Unofficial Pilot)
Narrated by Dave Willis
Composer(s) David Lee Powell
Shawn Coleman
Country of origin  United States
No. of seasons 4
No. of episodes 50 (List of episodes)
Producer(s) Scott Fry (animation executive producer)
Craig Hartin (animation producer)
Running time 11 minutes
Production company(s) Radical Axis (studio)(animation)
Original channel Adult Swim
Original run November 7, 2004 (Unofficial Pilot)
October 16, 2005 – present

Squidbillies is an animated television series about a family of anthropomorphic hillbilly squids, The Cuyler family, who live in poverty in the Appalachian region of North Georgia's mountains. The show is produced by Williams Street Studios for the Adult Swim programming block of Cartoon Network. It is written by Dave Willis, of Aqua Teen Hunger Force fame, and Jim Fortier, previously of The Brak Show, both of whom worked on the Adult Swim series Space Ghost Coast to Coast.[1] The animation is done by Radical Axis (studio), with background design by Ben Prisk. The series has thus far aired fifty episodes in four seasons.[2][3] A fifth season of ten episodes will begin airing on May 16, 2010.



Main characters

  • Early Cuyler (Unknown Hinson) - Grandson of Granny and father of Rusty, Early is a barely-literate, foul-mouthed, alcoholic ex-convict. He's also quick to anger, often expressing it in violent ways via sawed-off shotgun, knife, or whatever implement is lying around. This is likely so due to the abuse he himself suffered through the hands of his nameless grandfather, and his insecurities he developed in prison regarding his masculinity. Early was given the position of CEO—and scapegoat—at Dan Halen Sheetrock, Inc, though he has since been relegated to various lower level positions including product tester. He runs a number of illegal home enterprises including the production of "pine cone" liquor, the cultivation and distribution of marijuana, as well as production and sale of methamphetamine. It has been implied several times that he has an incestuous relationship with his sister, Lil (apparently without her consent, as she appears passed out in each instance). It is implied that Early was raped in prison in the episode,"The Big Gay Throwdown". Early is proud of his "hillbilly" lifestyle and enjoys hunting, fishing, "muddin'", watching mixed martial arts, drinking "Party Liquor" (a myriad of intoxicating and potentially lethal "beverages"), and NASCAR.
  • Rusty Cuyler (Daniel McDevitt) - "Rusty" Cuyler - The hybrid son of Early and Krystal, great-grandson of Granny, Rusty is a dimwitted, abused, backwoods young squid. He seeks his father's approval in nearly everything he does, going out of his way to emulate and impress him. He has a better sense of morals than the rest of his family and will occasionally show compassion. Like his father, he exhibits stereotypical redneck interests and behavior. He is not, however, as naturally violent as his father, and often fails in his attempts to mimic Early's overtly prejudiced and myopic view of the world. Rusty exhibits facial similarities to the stereotypical redneck male: bad teeth, acne, and a mullet. He lost his virginity to his Uncle's wife in "Not Without My Cash Cow".
  • Ruby Jean "Granny" Cuyler (Dana Snyder) - An elderly squid, revealed in the third season to be actually the grandmother of Early and Lil. She is purple (in opposition to the rest of the family's pale green), hangs from a walker, and has only five tentacles for unexplained reasons. Granny is a devout Christian and regularly sees visions of "Squid Jesus", though like the rest of her family she does not shy away from violence or foul language. She is prone to becoming confused about her current situation and whereabouts due to her extreme senile dementia. Granny is also a nymphomaniac who propositions most of the series' characters for sex at one point or another. It is also implied that she has an incestuous relationship with Lil (also apparently without consent), and has encouraged Rusty to scratch her genitalia. She suffers from various health problems, including a failing gallbladder. She is apparently a published author, her book "E is for Equine" making a brief appearance in episode five of season two.
  • Lil Cuyler (Patricia French) - Granny's granddaughter and Early's sister, cosmetically-challenged Lil wears caucasian flesh-colored eye-shadow and extremely long fake finger nails on her tentacles. Her last name is confirmed to be Cuyler in the episode "Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto is 'Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation'". With a raspy voice often punctuated by a nasty smoker's cough, Lil' is a worn-out and rather jaded squid. She runs an on and off crystal meth operation, and is a known user of her own product. It is revealed that cigarette smoke has replaced most of the blood in her veins; and that she also suffers from Hepatitis D. She is frequently seen passed out in her own filth and/or vomit; likely a victim of drug-induced burnout. During the time of her extended unconsciousness, she was married to an ultra-violent (even more than Early), America-hating extraterrestrial character named Lerm who decapitated her seconds after the marriage. She is shown to be having Aqua Blue eyeshadow and a blonde wig with curls similar to Hedwig Schmidt from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, to which the creators admitted they are huge fans of.
  • The Sheriff (Charles Napier, episodes 1-9 (uncredited); Bobby Ellerbee, episodes 9-current) - One of only a handful of human recurring characters, the Sheriff is a friendly, even sweet man. He has a close, amicable relationship with the Cuyler family due despite—or perhaps because of—having had to arrest Early repeatedly. Most of his role as Sheriff revolves around protecting the Cuyler family from their own destructive tendencies, as he has a sworn duty to preserve the last specimens of the "Appalachian Land Squid", so that further generations can appreciate "whatever it is they do". He is presented as a chain smoker and is foretold to die from emphysema "3 years from now". However, as the show does not follow any particular timeline, this has not taken place. Aside from his official duties, The Sheriff seems to really care about Early, going so far as to arrange couple's therapy for himself and his troubled squid friend. The Sheriff character is actually one of many clones grown on a farm as part of a "secret shadow government" developed and controlled (like most aspects of Dougal County) by Dan Halen. Most are identical—with a few exceptions—and described as having "marginal strength and hypersensitivity to pain." In the episode The Big Gay Throw Down, it was revealed that the Sheriff may be gay, though not all of his clones are (as not all are exact copies of him). The same episode also revealed that he was "possessed" by a gay "demon" at least since childhood. (This is in direct opposition to the earlier episode "Webnecks," in which he expressed relief that gay-marriage-encouraging robots didn't try to "convert" him.) Though the Reverend appeared to "exorcise" Todd from the Sheriff's body, the Sheriff was shown to still be gay and proceeded to pursue a romantic relationship with the man he had just met, and announced they were going to Connecticut where they would be allowed to drive cars. This particular incident necessitated the choosing of a new Sheriff from the rest of the clones on Dan Halen's farm (where this time they tried to specifically choose one that was straight).
  • Krystal (Mary Kraft) - Rusty's human mother is a morbidly obese Caucasian woman who lives her life lying on a filthy junkyard mattress, where she had been deemed a local landmark and given "squatter's rights" to the location. She spends most of her time drinking from a re-usable over-sized "Sip" convenience store cup and scratching lottery tickets. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early.
  • Dan Halen (Todd Hanson) - A small, pear-shaped, kneeless "badger-like" business tycoon. He is the incarnation of evil who has lived since the beginning of time, and personally controls almost every aspect of Dougal County (as well as most of Northern Georgia). He is in charge of Dan Halen Sheetrock International, a multinational corporation responsible for sheet rock, "dangerous" (rather than simply unsafe) baby furniture, selling arms to third world countries, and various other ventures. His name, hairstyle, and company symbol are direct references to the band Van Halen. He tolerates the presence of the Cuyler family for reasons unknown, frequently involving them in his bizarre moneymaking schemes, and currently employs the grossly incompetent Early as CEO of Dan Halen Int'l for purposes of limiting his own legal liability as a result of his often disastrous and homicidal business ideas.

Recurring characters

  • Reverend (Scott Hilley) - A blue preacher shaped like an obese teardrop and clad in a purple stole vestment. He presides over the church the Cuyler family and the sheriff attend, and also owns the local mattress store where Early was previously employed. He is fearful of the Cuylers, questioning where they fit in "God's plan". He is a figure of religious hypocrisy because of his regular moral crises and occasional submission to temptation.[4] In one episode he didn't get admitted to Heaven (despite the admittance of nearly every other resident of Dougal County) prompting the question of whether he is living up to his religion.
  • Boyd (Pete Smith) - The elderly, bearded clerk of the town convenience store. Early has robbed and shot him on numerous occasions. His left hand being shot off is one of the series' running gags.
  • Dr. Bug (Todd Barry) - A large squid who works as a doctor at the local hospital, Dr. Bug is the abandoned son of Granny Cuyler, but he takes great pains to hide it and to distance himself from the family. Thinking she was on her death bed while hospitalized, Granny tells him that she "never meant to flush him down the toilet" and that he was "always her favorite"[5]. Apparently in grudging recognition of this family connection, he then surreptitiously offers to donate his gallbladder to save Granny's life. A similar character named Bug (an acronym for Big Uncle Grandpa) appeared in original pilot scripts.
  • Squid Jesus (Stewart Briehut) - Squid Jesus appears in visions to Granny and, less frequently, Early. He appears as a floating squid with tentacles bearing signs of the stigmata and a human head matching traditional portrayals of Jesus. He appears to be extremely embarrassed by Granny's fervent dedication to him, going so far as to suggest she "consider Satan" as a new savior.
  • Devil (Jim Fortier) - A giant squid with a head of fire and talking snakes for tentacles. He has appeared in Granny's visions and taught Rusty and Early to play the guitar in exchange for their immortal souls. Shawn Coleman performs as Satan's singing voice.
  • Snakeman (voiceless) - A giant snake like creature with a Mullet. He is often depicted devouring townsfolk. He is also one of Krystal's lovers and the two are often seen together in the outhouse next to her mattress.
  • Glenn (Dave Willis) - An employee at Dan Halen Industries. He is often assaulted by Early at work or at home.
  • Narrator (Dave Willis) - The narrator, who does not appear in every episode, often makes jokes at the family's expense in a manner similar to the narrator in Dukes of Hazzard.
  • Deputy Denny (Dave Willis) - A clone of the sheriff (albeit a tiny, malformed clone) that briefly served as the sheriff when the sheriff asked Dan Halen to stop melting the flesh off the residents of the county during the season 3 episode "Sharif." He has poor impulse control, a large dent in his head, and was apparently replaced shortly after by another, more physically-accurate clone. He has since been seen helping the sheriff with his law enforcement duties.


Animation - Radical Axis (studio)

  • Animation Director - Craig Hartin
  • Lead Compositor - Jamie Galatas
  • Animation Coordinator - Harriss Callahan (Season 1 & 2)
  • Supervising Animator (Season 1) - Sean Quinn
  • Supervising Animator (Season 2) - Sean Quinn
  • Supervising Animators (Season 3) - Marji Fortin, Lars Edwards, Brian Ellis, and Sean Quinn
  • Supervising Animators (Season 4) - Melissa Wolfert, Brad "Cotton" Schwab, and Sean Quinn
  • Original Character Design (Lead Designer) - Todd Redner
  • Animation Compositors - Ray Kim, Timothy Farrell, Michael Bernhardt, Nathan Churney, Joshua Mullinax
  • Animators (Season One) - Amber Boardman, Eric Cerda, Marji Fortin
  • Animators (Season Two) - Brian Ellis, Hanna Bliss, Lars Edwards, Eric Cerda, Marji Fortin, Justin Hamrick, Aaron Hawkins
  • Animators (Season Three) - Brian Ellis, Lars Edwards, Eric Cerda, Marji Fortin, Brad Schwab, Dagny Philips-Stumberger, Derrick Canyon, Jason Shwartz, Melissa Wolfert, Missy Feaster, Ralph Sevelius, TJ Buford, Ian Stewart
  • Animators (Season Four) - Brad Schwab, Melissa Wolfert, Dagny Phillips-Stumberger, Jason Shwartz, Missy Roode, Ralph Sevelius, Lamont Russ, Eric Cerda, Claire Almon, Aaron Kablack, Joe Apel, Adam Toews, Hannah O'Neil

Guest appearances

  • Fred Armisen voiced Miguel in "Take This Job and Love It" (Season 1, Episode 2) and Office Politics Trouble" (Season 1, Episode 6), Jesus in "Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble"(Season 2, Episode 5) and Hippie Killed With Chainsaw in "Worst Earth" (Season 3, Episode 6).[6]
  • Todd Barry voiced Glenn in "Office Politics Trouble" (Season 1, Episode 6).[7]
  • Butterbean voiced himself and sang the national anthem in "Condition:Demolition" (Season 3, Episode 9)[8]
  • Vernon Chatman voiced Shuckey the Corn Mascot in "Mud Days and Confused" (Season 3, Episode 18)[10]
  • Jon Wurster voice Hippie Man in "Earth Worst" (Season 3, Episode 6)and also Skyler The Blue Blood Sucking monster in "The Tinest Princess" (Season 2, Episode 12).
  • Mick Foley voiced Thunder Clap, a professional wrestler going through a messy divorce in "Anabolic-holic" (Season 4, Episode 4)[12]
  • Riley Martin voiced the Horseman of Pestulence in "Armageddon It On!" (Season 3, Episode 13) and a voice inside Dan Halen's head in "Pile M For Murder" (Season 3, Episode 19)[13]
  • Larry Munson voiced the Voice of God on "Armageddon It On! (Season 3, Episode 13)[14]
  • Patton Oswalt voiced Shecky Chucklestein in "Survival of The Dumbest" (Season 2, Episode 12)[15]
  • Brendon Small voiced the Devil in "Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto Is 'Wisdom, Justice and Moderation'" (Season 3, Episode 5)[16]
  • Soilent Green performed the main title theme on "Lerm" (Season 4, Episode 1)

DVD releases

DVD name Release date Ep # Features
Volume 1 October 16, 2007 20 "How I Make The Damn Show!", The Original Pilots, Deleted Scenes, Behind the Scenes Footage, audio commentaries, and Anime Talk Show.
Volume 2 April 21, 2009 20 "Squidbillies Circle Jerk 2: Return Of The Self Congratulation", "Dragonbillies", "Funny Pete Stuff", "Art and Music", "Dragon Con 2008", and audio commentaries.
Volume 3 TBA TBA Volume 3 will probably come out in 2010, but isn't confirmed.


External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Squidbillies is an animated television show, produced by Williams Street Studios, about a family of hillbilly squids that live in the north Georgia mountains.


Season 1

This Show Is Called Squidbillies

Narrator: That large building over there is Dan Halen Sheetrock. They specialize in sheetrock, sheetrock mud, sheetrock screws, pharmaceuticals, petroleum, global mass media, third-world covert military operations, and...
TV Announcer: ...the Baby Hammock!

Take This Job and Love It

Early: I do apprecinate the generous offer, but knifery is the tool of the idiot. I listen to my gut, and my gut tells me that this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work and gut's a damn moron; so they get to carryin' on, and then my brain chimes in and sayin' I got to try my hand at the fast sex-paced world of adult literature.

Dan Halen: Let's talk briefly about your work ethic.
Early: I don't ethnics do no work. I mean, that's they problem, really. If you ain't like me, go hang from a damn tree.
Dan Halen: Overt racial prejudice. Impressive, Early.

Early: What I gotta do?
Dan Halen: Well, you're my boss, and as CEO, you'll have certain responsibilities like showing up...and leaving...and accepting liability for...certain class action lawsuits that may, or may not, and in fact, currently are being levied against new products, such as...
TV Announcer: The Pocket Surgeon! Just scrape the rust from the collapsible tumor scoop and...
(Dan stops the commercial)
Dan Halen: Look, you won't have to know any of this stuff.

School Days, Fool Days

Early: Today we's learnin' about rawks. They's all kinds of rawks. These [picks up rock] is rawks which you throw. These here [throws rock at Rusty] is rawks that you get hit with. And this, [pulls out Rusty's tooth] is a tooth. Now time for attendence. Rusty.


Early: Rusty.


Early: [grabs Rusty] Boy, do you wanna pass this class or what?
Rusty Yes I do Daddy I'd like that very much.
Early: Then when I say Rusty, you say here. Rusty.
Rusty: ... Rusty.
Early: Ok. On to history. What just happened?
Rusty: ... I dunno.
Early: Hell I dunno either. Must be a repossessed memory. Damn you party liquor! [looks at liquor, which is actually a can of paint thinner, in contempt and starts to drink]

Early: Today we's going on a field trip. This here's a field. And you's goin' on a trip!
Rusty: Daddy I din know we had well.
Early: We don't.

[Throws Rusty into a well] [Rusty screams]

Early: If ya get out ya pass.

[Rusty enters covered in sewage]

Rusty: Did I pass?
Early: Pass what?
Rusty: The field trip!
Early: ............. Nope. Now clean yourself up your going to a prom.

[at a dance in Early's house] [Lil is dancing with Rusty]

Granny: Oh. Do you mind if I cut between you lovely couple?
Lil: Oh, I believe this young man is taken.
Granny: Oh, I just got sassed by a whore.
Lil: [takes out knife] Back off, bitch he is mine!
Granny [takes out knife] Yeah, let's see what whore moves you got.

[they start having a fight] [they then start making out]

Rusty: Ain't nothin' gonna stop me now but my innate inability to progress conganacious


Early: Now where's that money check? Come to your daddy, come on!
Sheriff: Oh hell, Early, I gave that to Granny.
Early: What the hell?
Sheriff: Well, I mean, she said she was the principal.
Early: She was the damn tennis coach! What kind of damn-[The three are run over by a passing train]

Chalky Trouble

Early: Nope, I don't need no internet. No sir. Not in my life.
Rusty: What's that daddy?
Early: Rusty, what do you think of white people?
Rusty: Well, I... I reckon they OK. I'll like 'em ol' Doobie Brothers.
Early: [To grandma] He ain't ready.
Granny: That's not rightly fair, Early. We all of us love 'em Doobie Brothers.
Early: Yeah, I reckon you right. Damn them Doobies and they Chinese groove!
Granny: Russell, you ready for the special night tonight?
Rusty: What we gonna do? Go down Atlanta, whip our shirts off and start a bunch of bullmess?
Early: Nope [spits]... funner than that.

Granny: Give us the strength to cleanse the earth of the milk/chalk scourge, so's to keep 'em away from me.
Early: Dump 'em on an island! Blow up the island! (Shoots his gun in the sky) Whoo!
Granny: Look ye upon this cash money, a symbol of the whites' power, how they jingulate their pockets full of metal-y money.
(Early pulls a water jug full of coins)
Early: Burn all the...metal-ly money.
Granny: Burn it now!
(Early tosses the jug in the fire)
Early: Whoo! Alright now, Granny, burn your money.
Granny: No thank you (replaces money under robe)... and these skis, tools of their wicked recreational activity.
Early: Chalk-man a' skiing on his white snow in his tightie whites, just like the white wing dove sing a song about what they singin'!
Granny: Whoo, baby, whoo, baby, whoo.
Rusty: Burn the damn skis!
Early: At a boy Rusty, burn them sum-bitches, embrace the hatred!
Rusty: ...and they live in houses, don't they daddy?
[Early stares at Rusty and contemplates]
Early: Burn the damn house!
Lil: (Sitting inside the burning house) Huh... I guess white people do live in houses.
Rusty: Hot damn! What about these trees over here daddy?
Early: Hmm? What about these trees granny?
Granny: No, the trees are fine.
[Early stares at Rusty and contemplates]
Early: Burn the damn trees!
Granny: Burn 'em!

(A figure in a pure white robe emerges from the woods)
Granny: Look everyone, it's the creature from the prophecy!
Sheriff: Nah it's just me. Help me Oobi Wan, your're my only hope. (Picks up Early and kisses him) For luck. Remember that? Get it? Star Wars? (All stare at the Sheriff) Ain't this a Sci-Fi convention?
Early: Enter the circle of fire and answer the inquisitation
Granny: Answer the inquisitation!
Early: Tell me sheriff, what do you, eh, what do you think of white people?
Sheriff: Eh they're all right I guess. I mean I like 'em Doobie Brothers.
Early: Doobies aside! Doobies has been disquackified, alright?
Sheriff: Actually Early I really don't mind whites so much. I mean some of my best friends are white. Like me, I'm white!
Early: You what to the what now!
Sheriff: Did I mention to you that boys. Hey look... See, white as a Vidalia onion and twice as sweet.
Granny: Oh no!
Early: Ohhh denial. Denial!! I have done been deceptified by a salesman!
Granny: Burn the sheriff!
(Rusty sets fire to the tip of the Sheriff's shoe; the Sheriff stomps it out)
Sheriff: Hey, hey, hey. Woah, woah. Is this what this is all about, a hate white rally?
Early: Well it don't have to be just whites. I mean we're all inclusive here... except for those damn whites.
Sheriff: Why do you squids hate whites so badly?
Early: Typical. Whitey needs an explanation for every damn thing.

(After ordering Rusty to set fire to the house earlier in the episode)
Early: What happened to the damn house?
Rusty: That there is a symbol of the evil white chalky man daddy.
Early: It's a symbol of where I keep my shit, son!

Granny: I'll tell you something and I'll say it right now with my mouth and it needs to be listended: Whites is too reflective, with their sheeny skin, beating sunlight into my eyes.
Early: Can't tell them apart. Looking like a bunch of lightbulbs with shoes on, all be-boppin' around all over the place.
Granny: Except for you sheriff, you one of the good'uns...
Early: Oh yeah, yeah, you one of the good ones.
Sheriff: Thank you ma'm.
Granny: [Whispers] 'Cause you got a gun.

Early: Now sheriff, unless you come up here to sex-atize, hump-ify or bang-ulate my grandma, then I suggest you turn your purty little whitey wagon around and get on back to chalky town.
Sheriff: I will Early, but before I go I'm going to tell you where society would be without the white man. Eli Whitney, the inventor of the cotton gin, a white man. How about Crawford Long? He discovered Ether, when he wasn't busy being white. And you know that sphinx and the ancient pyramids of Egypt? Who do you think built those Rusty?
Rusty: I don't know... chalk-casians?
Sheriff: Actually no but they were in charge probably. Any fans of basketball out there? Here's a name, Larry Bird, the inventor of the slam dunk. That's a signature white move. Look it up. Rusty, you know the rap music?
Rusty: I know the NWA. (sings) The police going straight from the underground. They don't like a brother 'cause hes...brown.
Sheriff: Well those N's wouldn't have any A at all, if it wasn't for the white police state. In fact, all music: rock, R&B, gospel, even reggae descended from, you guessed it, whites. So now what do ya think? How you like me now?
Rusty: What about slavery?
Sheriff: Who abolished it? A white man, thank you.
Rusty: But didn't y'all like whip 'em and stuff?
Sheriff: Nuh-uh-uh Rusty, if it weren't for us whites, your land right over here would be completely overrun by red Indians.
Early: Uh-uh! Hell no! Not this land, Red Man! (Starts shooting wildly into the woods)
Sheriff: ...and your granny over there? She'd be plunkin' her life's savin's into five dollar slots at a Cherokee casino and spa watchin' Jay Leno perform for two weeks this October, followed by The Beach Boys featuring Mike Love.
(Gunshot awakens grandma)
Granny: Silence the lies. Ooohh. Why do things have to change? We've been hatin' whites since Jesus was a junebug!
Sheriff: Granny, even he was a white man. Here, take a look at this novelty plastic Jesus. Go ahead, pull his sandle.
[Granny pulls and it makes a fart sound and says "Gotcha"]
Granny: Aw...
[Early, having finally emptied his shotgun, throws it into the woods]
Early: Now get on back to ye' teepees!
Sheriff: Folks, my point is this: Whites.

Sheriff: Early, ain't no whites ever bothered you. I guess you just hatin' for the sake of hatin'.
Early: Mmmm, it ain't that sheriff, it's something else. [Begins to daydream] She was my dream, my muse, a vision suitable for the wide screen format. I can still taste her fist against my face, the sweet sugary sweat from a lifetime of diabetes. A heart beat you could hear from six blocks away, one big pump ever' hour.
Krystal: [In Early's daydream] These aren't glazed, these're powder cake, you brianless chugnut. You can't even get a donut right!
Early: No I can't tell him. I can't. Get off my ass demon love! Douse the pain! [Takes a drink of Party Liquor]
Rusty: Tell me what daddy?
Early: [Throws liquor bottle] Santa Claus is dead! [Collapses]
Lil: Your momma's white.
Rusty: Oh my God!
Lil: She's fat as hell too. [laughs]

Family Trouble

Rusty: Daddy, I need to know once and for all...
Early: Aw, dammit, not this again! I told you boy, if your momma's white then that makes me a damn chalky lover. Now do I look like a chalky lover to you?!?
Rusty: Well I don't know daddy, you do drink alot.
Early: Yes I do... and I fight... but, some other crazy sum-bitch is the one what bangulated and inpregnified that white womern, not I!
Rusty: So you're saying my mama was white?
(Early stares at Rusty and contemplates)
Early: Wait a minute, what'd I say?

Early: [Daydreaming about Krystal] Your mama was a vision in alabaster, a white lily of the field, rich with scented pollen and the sweet odor of the Morning Mist. Diet Morning Mist actually, although sometimes she would drink the regular if they's out of the diet. She was enormous; but Lord, did I love her... for 32 franatic seconds. (Swings hat over head) Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! The lovin' was good!

[Showing Rusty the family photo album]
Krystal: Well, then there's one of me. (Turns page) Here's one of them, what you call, them Glamour Shots, what have you. (Turns page) What do you know, there's me! Nope, that's a bus.
Rusty: Am I in any of these pictures momma?
Krystal: Well, uh... well look at this one, I'm about eight months pregnant with you in this one.
Rusty: Ooh...
Krystal: Yeah, I sent that in to Spunk magazine. Fools rejected it. You'd print this, wouldn't you?

Rusty: My daddy said you was like a huge dollop of sour cream - rich and zesty, with a little bit of bite.
Krystal: How is your daddy?
Rusty: Ah he's good, he's good, just got out of prison not too long ago.
Krystal: No, I'm sorry - who, who's your daddy? Anyone I know?
Rusty: Uhh, Early Cuyler.
Krystal: Tall guy?
Rusty: Nope.
Krystal: Big belly?
Rusty: No, not the one.
Krystal: Kinda looks like Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: Not him either.
Krystal: Or is Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: Mmm no, not Charlie Sheen.
Krystal: Is he a football team?
Rusty: Nope.
Krystal: Is he the groundskeeping crew for the football team?
Rusty: No.
Krystal: Are you sure it's not Charlie Sheen?
Rusty: No momma! Early Cuyler's his name! About yay high. I've been told we look alike, espically around the eye region - same shape of eye, you know, right here.

Early: Howdy doody to you, Krystal. It's been many years - but you, you ain't moved a bit.

Doctor: Hmm now that's interesting.
Early: What?
(Doctor hits dead rabbit with a hammer)
Doctor: This rabbit's been hit by a hammer.

Office Politics Trouble

Narrarator: Early's tenure as CEO of Dan Halen International had not been long, but it had been distinguished. By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence, and a total lack of performance. I would call it a steady decline in performance, but that would imply that he performed at one point in time. In fact he had not. He was drunk.

Early: Allow me to explain the contamination process: pine cones go in here, party liquors come out here, and proceed to here (pointing at mouth); fights begin, fingerprints is took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated.

Early: Aw hell, that's the office! I can't believe I have to go into the office on a Wednesday! Them people can't wipe they ass without me!

Early: Howdy doody, Donna, nice ass this morning, yeah! You wearing panties?
Donna: Actually, I need to get off here...
Early: Steve, big dog! Here's the pot I've been growin' on my property. See if this don't help wit' your wife bitchin' and all that mess!
Steve: Not here, man...
Early: Pine cone liquor? Anybody? Well 'bout a fried possum pecker? Uh oh! [belches]

Early: See if that sumbitch'll fax now.
Glenn: It never was able to fax. It's a coffee maker.
Early: (long pause)You dumbass, you can't fax coffee! Coffee don't fax worth a damn. Every time the rain hits it'll run. Damn you uhh dumb sumbitch.

Season 2

Government Brain Voodoo Trouble

Therapist: Alright, look. I want you to take all those things that are eating away, weighing you down inside, and I want you to pull them all out... and scream them out at the top of your lungs. Sheriff?
Sheriff: Who, me?
Therapist: Yeah, just cut loose. I mean, just get it all off your chest. This is a safe haven for both of you gentlemen.
Sheriff: Okay. (Shuffles to edge of cliff) Well, you see... Early... well, he don't respect...
Early: Are you done? Everybody stand back, it's my turn.
Sheriff: No...
Early: Nyuh huh, I just called it. (Begins to nudge the Sheriff out of the way)
Sheriff: (Kicks Early away) Don't you push me! You always push me into positions I don't like! I'm the law! And you break the law and you still expect me to be your friend? How can I be who I am and still be in a relationship with you! It's always about you! You think you're the center of the universe and we all...
[Cut to several hours later, sunset]
Sheriff: ...moved the show to Friday, head-to-head with CSI? Come on! You've got to give a show time to find an audience...
[Cut to several hours later, night has fallen]
Sheriff: ...hell, you know he can act! He played Doogie Howser for seven seasons!
Therapist: (Claps) Excellent work gentlemen, excellent. (Looks at watch, begins to back away) Hey, ah, I think this is about as good as it gets, guys...
Sheriff: Naw! Naw! Without us they have no network...
[Cut to serveral hours later, sunrise]
Sheriff: ...often wondered if I even do have a pair! Yes, of testicles! (Grabs crotch) I've never seen them, no! And you dressed me in chiffon! Pretty, pretty chiffon! Well, guess what! I think I'm pregnant... again! Thanks a lot, mama! (Whips off shirt and throws it off the cliff) Whew, well, that felt pretty good.

Therapist: (Begins to back away) I, I really need to, um, sorta wrap this thing up.
Early: Wait a minute! Ain't I gonna get to yell nothin'?
Therapist: Well, (sighs) sure Early... go ahead.
Early: Whoo! Gimme back my bullets! Ooh, that smell! What the hell is that smell? (Holds up lighter) Whoo!
Therapist: Well, um... do you have any concerns of not really a Skynyrd-deep cut?
Early: Uh, yeah, something has been kinda gnawing at me. Stand back. (Yells off cliff) Show me them titties!
Sheriff: Are you talkin' to my mama?
Early: If she'll do it! Will she do it?
Therapist: I'm not a therapist. I'm The Rapist.

Butt Trouble

Granny: Don't you dare hurt him!
Early: Oh, and what's your saggy mouth gunna say about it?
Granny: Ablomandelebicus, Pentoculus, Benturpenoise, Farntormion, Crisco, Dophenecta, Glabbafontonion, Smectarufus, Fontanox, Chicken Dance, Trenoctor, Pontallafamarion, Tudonox, Mellicanisis!
[the walls of the house open up and Earlie is struck by lightning]
Early: You lucky bitch! That was the one thing you coulda said.
Granny: Yeah Okay.

Early: One of these damn days, you ain't gon' 'member that word.

Granny: Why don't you take that weak shit to the park? Maybe the squirrels will care.

Granny[after being shot by Rusty}: Jesus! I've been filled by your spirit! Oh no wait a minute I thinks that's a bullet. I'm comin' Jesus.
Rusty: I'm sorry Granny you alright?
Granny: Aaaah! Talkin' honeydew its the apocalypse!

Double Truckin' the Tricky Two

Early: Aight now, ya'll bow yer heads. Lord...(Rusty blares out Electronia music and begins dancing with glowsticks) Russell, kindly turn down the electronica. (Rusty turns off music) Lord, please allow these scratched lottery tickets with their slivery seasonings to nourish our bodies as they were unable to do the same to our wallets. And thank ya fer the untimely frost which clamed my bananer orchard. Oh, I was a fool ta plant bananers on a mountain! You made sure of that. So, in short, thanks for nothin'.

Lil: Ain't you gonna thank him fer that truck-boat-truck of yers?

Early: You silly bitch! Don't be tellin' him 'bout my truck-boat-truck!

Rusty: But, Daddy, you tell everybody 'bout that truck-boat-truck. That's yer pride and joy.

Early: 'Cause its bad-ass is why! Check out this mess!

(cuts to Early spinning the tires of a monster truck)

Early: Listen to that 450 big block! Wahow!

(engine explodes)

Swayze Crazy

Lil: That ain't Patrick Swayze.

Granny: He is if I have another cold beer.

Early: Patrick, I know you must get this all the time, but if it wouldn't be too much trouble for ya, would you please drop a double duce ass whoopin' on my boy.

Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble

Early: Don't time fly when you're drunk as hell!
Early: Oh Lord who done made all creatures great and small in his own image: Did you make 'em fine-ass-soundin' speakers over there what would sound gooder than hell comin' out of the back of my truck-boat-truck? Well if you don't want me to jimmy-jack 'em sweet tweeters you best give me a sign...
(Early rips off a sticker reading "EARLY CUYLER / DO NOT TOUCH!")
Early: A new sign - I done seen that'n.

(Early awakens from a coma to the sound of a life support machine. He opens his eyes to see his son Rusty standing over him saying "Boop... boop... boop...")
Rusty: Y'all hear that? That's what it'd sound like if we had insurance.

Early: Yes granny - I seen the light. Like a DUI roadblock in the sky. But I pulled a U-ie and hauled ass through the woods! And now my life has purpose. Goodbye party liquor! Gunnery, you have a good'un! Masturbation... uh... let's just call it a hiatus. From now on, I am a bushhog on the front-end loader of the Lord!

Early: (In a strip club) Yes darlin', your chest is full and heaving. But what about the heart that lays beneath them puppies? Look here (pulls out a religious tract)... I want you to read this here literature.

(Stripper reaches to take the tract; Early jerks it away)

Early: Nope! Pick it up with your butt cheeks!

Granny: Will you keep it down for cryin' out loud? I'm trying to watch my stories. (Stares at a butter churn which has replaced the TV) And I'm havin' a really hard time. Stories?
Early: Nuh-uh. I done give away the story box. From now on we gonna enjoy this classic butter churn. (Begins churning)
Granny: (Looks around) Oh where's the TV? 'Cause now I'm pissed.
Early: Come on now, everybody take a turn! Idle hands is the devil's ding-a-ling!

Early: I'll be here for 40 days and 40 nights if thats what it takes to keep these commandments on display! What's next, they're goin' to try to take it out of our schools? Bullmess! I am against it!
(Shows Early later in the same place)
Early: I'm against mens kissin mens, for any reason, but when womerns do it... [coughs]... That, uh, that seems alright. Uhh, any womerns here willing to make out with another woman...
(Shows Early even later while still in the same place)
Early: I'm against all digits below and above the number 9. They, they all blasphemous. Uhh, and Nitrogen, 'cause you know it was brought here in ships by space Jews! Hell yeah, you know the ones.

Meth O.D. to My Madness

Early: Can't take the pee, get out the pee-ery!

Early: Is your hog on drugs? How would you know? How could you tell? Look for these here warnin' signs. Sudden weight loss. Euphoria leadin' to paranoia. Stealitization of your thangs. And jibbery-style oinkery what make no sense a 'tall. Warn your hog about the dangers of meth a 'fore it's too damn late. I'm Early Cuyler and this concludes my court-ordered community service.

The Tiniest Princess

Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust

Bubba Trubba

Plumber Bubba: Do it to it!

Burned and Reburned Again

Terminus Trouble

Sheriff: Looks like they found out your name wasn't Awesome Bill from Dawsomeville.
Early: Well yeah it is.
Sheriff: ... No. Early, it's not.
Early: Damnit to hell you know that too?

Sheriff: Well, here we are! Terminus, capital of the dirty south. Rising like a phoenix from the ashes of the civil war. Y'all recongnize this place here?
Rusty: Wait a minute, this the place where Kenny Rogers shot that scene with the kids of Six Pack, ain't it?
Sheriff: 1982! The coward of the county's own self stood right here!


Sheriff: Stone Mountain. World's most appropriately named mountain in the South East. And look carved there on the side, the four horseman of the confederacy. Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Pacman!
Early: A rebel's hero. Come up to Gettysburg to kick some damn ass! If it weren't for Pacman, we might'a lost the damn war!

Survival of the Dumbest

A Sober Sunday

Dan Halen: Jesus loves you. Why doesn't the government?

Rebel Without a Claus

Early: (on Rudolph's head) Check this out--a bonafide 8-point. I'm gonna mount it on my toilet.
Santa: (tied to a chair) He was so rare.
Early: He's about to be medium-rare.

Santa: What could you possibly want from me?
Early: Oh, I think you know what I want, Santy Claus.
Santa: Cuyler, it's impossible...
Early: I only ever asked ya for one thing.
Santa: I just...I can't do it.
Early: (jumping onto Santa's beard) Damn it, I been a good boy! Now how many years I gotta wait? I want me the greatest gift of all!
Santa: I won't bring you the still-beating heart of Jeff Gordon! All right? I've said it!
Early: Well...Nicholas, I'm disappointed. We'll do it this way--Russell, get me my straight razor.
Santa: No, no, please, we don't have to go this way.
Early: Okay, okay, you right.
Santa: Thank you.
Early: I'm thinkin' the rusty fish scaler instead.

Head Elf: Dispatch the Silent Knights!

Elves: (disguised as carolers in a manger, singing) Fall on your knees...
(They pull out ninja weapons)
Elf: I said fall on your knees, you son-of-a-bitch!

Santa: What are you going to do to me?
Early: You ever see the movie Saw II?
Santa: Oh no, oh no, please, please...
Early: No? Me, neither.

Early: I done tell you once, you son-of-a-bitch, I'm the best that's ever been!
Santa: What?
Rusty: Fire in the mountain, run boys run!

Season 3


Beast Implants

Early: Come on, man. We was just teasin' with the government.

Granny: So, Medicare ain't gonna spring for no fake funbags?

Early: Medicare. Medicare don't care. Medicaint!

Early: We wait, actually, you wait (starts sinking into the floor of his truck, a smaller truck-boat-truck emerges from beneath the truck) Escape pod only holds one, fight the good fight son! (mini truck-boat-truck horn plays 'La Cucaracha')

Tween Steam

Wing Nut

Dan Halen: Science, you cheap whore.

Dan Halen: Go behind the Dumpster and mate the tangy with the mild.
Rusty: Well, how I go about doing that?
Dan Halen: Tie Tangy up, have a black chicken fuck it in a fake rape scenario while Mild watches helpless because that's what gets him off.

Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto Is "Wisdom, Justice and Moderation"

Satan: I'm gonna own you all, just like I own this little bitch here! Come on. Come to daddy.
Rusty: Wait a minute, now. I thought you said this was free. I didn't have to do nuthin' for it.
Satan: Listen to the little whiny bitch. Boy, he's really gonna hate it when he gets to Hell.
Rusty: I don't wanna go to hell! Come on, do something, Daddy!
Satan: You know, it's actually not much worse than your current situation. I mean, yeah, we have really high taxes, but hey, you earn real money at least. I mean, we do have jobs down there. It's not everything you hear.
Rusty: Oh, really?
Satan: Hahaha, no! You are raped by fire all day! And the days are longer down there! Oh, there's plenty to drink. You know what you drink? FIRE, motherstuffer, that's what! Dinner? That's a root that makes you thirsty for more flippin' fire! You understand? It's ridiculous what I've set up down there!

Earth Worst

The Good One

Rusty: Oh my God! It's Ridley Scott's "Alien"! Look at it! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Early: No, son, it ain't Ridley Scott's "Alien". It's worse.

Early: (taking Lil's babies to the "movies") Alright. C'mon y'all. C'mon. Step right in to the movies. Yeah, see what Hollyweird has cooked up next. Getcha good seat now. You don't wanna miss them previews.
Rusty: Daddy, this ain't the movies.
Early: No movies. Lake boat.

Early: "I have re-evalutated the saturation, and I have convoluted that you ain't wild... You're mild."


Condition: Demolition!

The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma

Early: Y'all bow your damn heads! We thank you, Lord, for mans like myself, males of the masculine variety, winners all of us. And we thank you for the womerns too, and how you made them out of a part of a man that he don't never need nor want, to live by our rules and our pleasures. [chomps] The chicken is good. Amen.

The Unbearable Heatness of Fire

Tuscaloosa Dumpling

Armageddon It On!

Early:War, Famine, Death... and grasshoppers. Looks like one just dont quite belong does it?

Santa: Okay, this is Big Crimson Daddy. Stop production on all sex toys immediately.

Elf: We're... everything?

Santa: Uh... I could maybe fold the anal beads team into yo-yos, but... but no vibrators.

Elf 2: Can't we just call them "back massagers"?

Santa: No... yes. Yes, we can make that work. I'll call Sharper Image.

Elf 3: What about these, Santa?

Santa: The Kalishnakovs? With the Drum-Triber air sight and the fixed stock... oh, God, that's a nice weapon... uh... let me hold off on that one.

Reverend: Who cares? Life is merely a fantasy draped in confusion. Early: Grab my skull bong from the reverend would you?

Gimmicky Magazine Show Spoof Parody About Dan Halen

Melissa: We caught up with Halen in his inground pool, inexplicably built in the middle of a giant lake, which is itself a giant aboveground pool.

Melissa: Mr. Halen, take a look at this. (Turns on TV showing a police riot) The Chicago Democratic Convention in 1968.
Dan Halen: Ah, the '60s. I'll never forget them.
Melissa: I believe that's you in the upper-left corner hitting someone with a chain.
Dan Halen: (laughing) I remem-- I remember I made that guy taste the chain. "Taste the chain," I said again and again, long after he was incapable of tasting anything.
Melissa: We found this in the archives after the invasion of Poland. (Plays stock footage of Halen alongside Adolf Hitler, saluting in full uniform and shouting, "Heil Hitler! Sieg Heil!")
Dan Halen: We belonged to the same gym. I suppose you'll take that image out of context and make it into something.
Melissa: Here you are in Berlin in 1926.
Dan Halen: So I used to be a transvestite cabaret host. You have a point with this?
Melissa: According to our research, Dan Halen has apparently existed throughout recorded history.
Dan Halen: (against a montage featuring him in a direct capacity, starting with...) Everyone tortured political prisoners during the medieval era. (Atop a Mayan pyramid, pulling out a heart) This sacrifice led to plenty of rain. The maize crop that year was wonderful. (At the feet of the Crucifixion, wooden hammer in hand) I was taking the nail out. I was trying to help the man. (Cave painting of a body struck by three arrows and Halen with lit torch, dragging woman by the hair) Well, it's not like I invented fire. (As a monk holding a rat over a body) So I spread some of the Black Plague. (Whipping Egyptian slaves) Those Egyptians were trying to steal precious artifacts from the British museum. (Atop a unicorn, close to a Tyrannosaurus) Well, that-- that was just an accident.
Melissa: Mr. Halen, these pictures prove you're tens of thousands of years old.
Dan Halen: Melissa...
Melissa: What do you say to these charges?
Dan Halen: I don't recall.
Melissa: You don't recall that you're a living embodiment of evil?
Dan Halen: Uh, no. No, I don't recall that.
Melissa: A plague on humanity from the beginning of time?
Dan Halen: No, I don't recall.
Melissa: We have film evidence. We have pictures.
Dan Halen: Come on!
Melissa: What could you possibly say to these charges, Mr. Halen?
Dan Halen: I'm sorry, but I'm not equipped to reach a conclusion regarding that assessment at this time. And what's more, let me add that I will explode your head for saying that.
Melissa: Mr. Hal... (Her head explodes)
Dan Halen: Yes, there's no such thing as a free necklace, muckraker.

Flight of the Deep Fried Pine Booby

An Officer and a Dental Dam

Dan Halen: I should have put it together. The copious references to "Nature Boy" Ric Flair and former Black Crowes bassist Johnny Colt. Hell, Halen, they're written on waffle bar napkins. Where was my analytical mind?!

The Okaleechee Dam Jam

Early: Hell yeah. You stepped up. You handled your business!

Dan Halen (interrupting a church service): Get wet at the Precipitation Celebration this Saturday at the Lester Maddox Boiled Peanut Dome! Scripture tells us that David Allen Coe will perform for nine American dollars.
Early: David Allen Coe?! Hell yeah! Hell yeah!
Dan Halen: And all your water problems will be solved! Amen.
Reverend: Well! (laughs awkwardly) Uh, I don't remember anything in the Good Book about David Allen Coe--
Dan Halen (leaving): Bring a poncho, you brainless sheep!

Pile M for Murder

Mud Days and Confused

Krystal, Light

Season Four


The Liar, the Bitch and the Bored Rube

The Fine Ol' Solution


Confessions of a Gangrenous Mind

The Big Gay Throwdown

Atone Deaf

God's Bro

Dan Halen: Do you think this is the only illegal thing I have to do today?

Reunited, And It Feels No Good

Not Without My Cash Cow!

The Trucker Hats of Early Cuyler

These are descriptions of Early's trucker hats by initial episode.

Episode 1.01 (#1 overall) - This Is a Show Called Squidbillies (10/16/05)

  • "Booty Hunter"
  • "Here's the Beef"
  • "Breathe If You're Horny"

Episode 1.02 (#2 overall) - Take This Job and Love It (10/23/05)

  • "World's Greatest Illegitimate Daddy"
  • "May I Help You, My Child?", a combination Pope/trucker hat
  • "Groom"
  • A deer on camouflage containing Early's résumé. The text appears as just lines, but Dan Halen reveals that Early can "skin a buck, run a trout–line, and all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight", which are references to Hank Williams Jr. songs.

Episode 1.03 (#3 overall) - School Days, Fool Days (10/30/05)

  • "Goal Bandit"
  • "I Love Cock Fighting", with "Fighting" appearing much smaller than the other words
  • A squid drawn in the shape of the Pontiac Firebird logo
  • "Free Hat Limit 1"
  • "Prom King", shaped like a crown whose front forms the number "2005"

Episode 1.04 (#4 overall) - Chalky Trouble (11/6/05)

  • A bald eagle's head in front of a stylized US flag

Episode 1.05 (#5 overall) - Family Trouble (11/13/05)

  • Four fanned aces

Episode 1.06 (#6 overall) - Office Politics Trouble (11/20/05)

  • "David Allan CEO Live In Macon"
  • "GLUG", the logo for the beverage created in the episode

Episode 2.01 (#7 overall) - Government Brain Voodoo Trouble (9/17/06)

  • Police slacks, including a belt

Episode 2.02 (#8 overall) - Butt Trouble (9/24/06)

  • "Support Our Troops", with a yellow ribbon and US flag color scheme. The hat reads "Support Our oops" after Early is struck by lightning.
  • "I love you Daddy" next to a picture of Rusty, all a dot matrix printout heat transfer decal
  • A banana costume headpiece

Episode 2.03 (#9 overall) - Double Truckin' the Tricky Two (10/1/06)

  • "Sonny LIED!!!", in front of a Confederate flag
  • "Tricky Two" with a hand holding up two fingers

Episode 2.04 (#10 overall) - Swayze Crazy (10/8/06)

  • "John Beer", a play on the John Deere logo with a silhouette of a drunken anthropomorphic deer sprawled out among beer cans
  • "Swayze Crazy", with an image of Patrick Swayze flexing his right arm

Episode 2.05 (#11 overall) - Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble (10/15/06)

  • A stuffed toy donkey hat. The donkey has suction-cup hooves (for sticking to a window) and extremely large genitalia (censored by image mosaic).
  • "God's Good Buddy" with a semi-truck bearing a cross on the side driving out of the heavens

Episode 2.06 (#12 overall) - Meth O.D. to My Madness (10/22/06)

  • "Remember 9-111", stamped with the word "irregular"

Episode 2.09 (#15 overall) - Bubba Trubba (11/12/06)

  • "DO It... ... TO It", with an image of Plumber Bubba (a parody of Larry the Cable Guy) between the two halves of the phrase

Episode 2.10 (#16 overall) - Burned and Reburned Again (11/19/06)

  • "Damn I'm Good!!"

Episode 2.11 (#17 overall) - Terminus Trouble (11/26/06)

  • "Gynaecologist Saturday Nights Only" (never actually seen, Early claims to own it)

Episode 2.12 (#18 overall) - Survival of the Dumbest (12/10/06)

  • "Hooked On Jesus", with the Ichthys on a fishing hook
  • "I'm Going Nuckin' Futz!!"
  • "Hooked on Darwin", with the word "Darwin" inside a legged Ichthys on a fishing hook
  • An "truth" Ichthys eating a "Darwin" Ichthys
  • A "science" beast eating a "faith" Ichthys
  • A "science" beast being arrow shot by a "faith" Ichthys
  • An Ichthys-shaped "China" spaceship abducting a "faith" man

Episode 2.13 (#19 overall) - A Sober Sunday (12/17/06)

  • Two wolves in a dark forest, one with a US flag behind it howling at a full moon.

Episode 2.14 (#20 overall) - Rebel Without a Clause (12/24/06)

Episode 3.01 (#21 overall) - Webnecks (1/20/08)

  • "I support the flat tax `cause I'm FLAT BROKE!"

Episode 3.02 (#22 overall) - Beast Implants (1/27/08)

  • "Taste Daytona!"

Episode 3.03 (#23 overall) - Tween Steam (2/3/08)

  • "Bodywork by WANDA", with a small red flower

Episode 3.04 (#24 overall) - Wing Nut (2/10/08)

  • "SHOOT FIRST ASK QUESTION NEVER!", over a reticle targeting a skull & crossbones with sawed-off shotguns for crossbones.

Episode 3.05 (#25 overall) - Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto Is 'Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation' (2/17/08)

  • "Too Cool for You!"

Episode 3.06 (#26 overall) - Earth Worst (2/24/08)

  • "Damn Bald Eagles, Ft. McPherson, GA", with an American Flag and bird droppings all over it.

Episode 3.07 (#27 overall) - The Good One (3/2/08)

  • "Lifeguard on Booty"

Episode 3.08 (#28 overall) - Sharif (3/9/08)

  • "ICE WIND IGNITE AND EXCITE", Dan Halen's body spray, over snow-capped mountains

Episode 3.09 (#29 overall) - Condition: Demolition (3/16/08)

  • "JESUS SHAVES", with a picture of Jesus shaving

Episode 3.10 (#30 overall) - The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma (3/23/08)

  • "MY Other Hat is YO' MOMMA!", with the last two words over a sunburst

Episode 3.11 (#31 overall) - The Unbearable Heatness of Fire (4/6/08)

  • "Didn't ask. DON'T TELL!!"

Episode 3.12 (#32 overall) - Tuscaloosa Dumpling (4/13/08)

  • "Been there, Done that, Got this HAT!"

Episode 3.13 (#33 overall) - Armageddon It On! (4/20/08)

  • A red trucker hat with black bill stacked beneath a leather football helmet and a top hat

Episode 3.14 (#34 overall) - Gimmicky Magazine Show Spoof Parody About Dan Halen (4/27/08)

  • "got breast milk?"

Episode 3.15 (#35 overall) - Flight of the Deep Fried Pine Booby (5/4/08)

  • "NO HABLA JIBBER-JABBER!", on a US flag-styled hat

Episode 3.16 (#36 overall) - An Officer and a Dental Dam (5/11/08)

  • "NIFTY! NIFTY! look who's 53!"

Episode 3.17 (#37 overall) - The Okaleechee Dam Jam (5/18/08)

  • "Guns don't kill people. I DO!", with the "O" in "DO" as a target over a bloodstain

Episode 3.18 (#38 overall) - Pile M for Murder (5/25/08)

  • "BORN TO DIE!!!", with a skull & crossbones beneath
  • "When God takes a DUMP on your head, you just gotta craft it into a hat!", on a brown & white hat worn by Rusty

Episode 3.19 (#39 overall) - Mud Days & Cornfused (6/1/08)

  • "This ain't no HAT. It's a rag top for a sex convertible!!"
  • "This hat contains minimum 85% post-consumer recycled hats.", on a recycled-looking hat

Episode 3.20 (#40 overall) - Krystal, Light (6/8/08)

  • "LAUGH SO I CAN SEE 'EM BOUNCE!!", with the "OU" in "BOUNCE" fashioned into bikini-top-clad breasts

Episode 4.5 (#45 overall) - Confessions of a Gangrenous Mind (6/14/08)

  • "too FUNK to DRUCK!!" with one beer bottle on each side of "to"

See Also

External links

Wikipedia has an article about:

Simple English

Genre Animated Comedy
Created by Jim Fortier
Dave Willis
Starring Unknown Hinson
Daniel McDevitt
Dana Snyder
Bobby Ellerbee
Todd Hanson
Scott Hilley
Patricia French
Charles Napier
Narrated by Dave Willis
Composer(s) David Lee Powell
Shawn Coleman
Country of origin
No. of seasons 5
No. of episodes 60 (List of episodes)
Executive producer(s) Mike Lazzo
Keith Crofford
Producer(s) Jim Fortier
Dave Willis
Running time 11 minutes
Production company(s) Williams Street
Radical Axis
Original channel Adult Swim
Picture format 4:3 SDTV (seasons 1-2)
16:9 HDTV (season 3-present)
Original run

November 7, 2004 (Unofficial Pilot)

October 16, 2005 – present

Squidbillies is a Adult Swim program about a family of squids. The show was created, because of the popularity of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. So far 50 episodes have been made.


  • Early Cuyler
  • Rusty
  • Granny
  • The Sheriff
  • Dan Halen
  • Reverend


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