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Step Brothers may refer to:


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Up to date as of January 14, 2010
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Step Brothers is a 2008 comedy film directed by Adam McKay, produced by Judd Apatow and starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.

Contents

Dale Doback

  • Boats and hoes!
  • (at a job interview) Okay. Here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, GO!
  • I am warning you right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, in the neck, with a knife!!
  • We're here to fuck shit up!
  • (sarcastically laughs at Brennan's response to his song) That's so funny, the last time I heard that I laughed so hard, I fell off my dinosaur.
  • Dad, I'm saying this because I love you: Fuck you!
  • (After hearing Brennan sing for the first time) Brennan, I can't even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus!
  • I hope you stay still when you sleep because I'm puttin' a rat trap between your legs.
  • (sobbing, as he is pretending that Brennan has died of asbestos poisoning) Will you vultures please give us some privacy!? He just died last night!
  • (in a deleted scene) If you don't like the good cop, I guarantee you won't like the bad cop (points at Brennan)
  • This is a house of learned doctors.
  • My name is Dale... but you have to call me Dragon.
  • (Wearing a KKK robe, to some homebuyers) Hey, folks! You're really going to love this neighborhood. Every house here recycles.
  • (Singing) If you wanna get down on these hairy balls, why don't you jump right in? It's a crotch party all up in here, why dont you lick on this big john?
  • (After Dale and Brennan get beaten up by the children at the playground)

You know that scene in "The Wizard of Oz" where the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? (now sobbing) That's what it was like!

  • It's like masturbating in a time machine.
  • (sleep-talking) The clown has NO penis.

Brennan Huff

  • (banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) John Bonham's playing Moby Dick for real!
  • (playing with Dale's drumset, as he yells in one of the drums) FUCK YOU, DALE! FUCK YOU!!!
  • (sleep-talking) I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
  • (at Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put Liquid Paper on a bee... And it died.
  • (Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some homebuyers) Hey, fuckers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig.
  • (in regards to Robert and Nancy, who are retiring, selling their residence and having him and Dale live on their own as adults) Hold on; We're not going on the boat... Derek's selling the house... We have to go therapy? (Robert nods in response) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?
  • (after singing for Dale, upon his request) I felt like I was hovering my own body, watching myself sing.

Others

  • Dr. Robert Doback: One day my father just said, "Goddamn it, you're seventeen, stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job!"
  • Derek: (singing) I'm Derek, and I can sing high like thiiis. And I can sing hiiii-iiiiigh!
  • Choir (singing). Brennan has a mangina.
  • Randy (to Brennan and Dale): SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Dialogue

Brennan: I'm not gonna call him [Robert] "Dad".
Nancy: Brennan, you're 39 years old. I would not expect you to call him "Dad".
Brennan: Well, I'm not going to. Ever. Even if there's a fire!

Brennan: Where did he go to medical school?
Nancy: He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins, is that good enough for you?
Brennan: No, it’s not.
Nancy: Well, Brennan, those are very prestigious schools.
Brennan: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy: You don't know anybody named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan: It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that shit up every day.

Dale: You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learn-ed doctors.
Brennan: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!

Dale: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan: I was watching Cops.

(after they both discussed things in common)

Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dale: Yep!!
Brennan: Do you wanna do Karate in the garage?
Dale: Yep!

Brennan: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale: On planet Bullshit!
Brennan: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Dale: (is inside of the hole) What are you doing?
Brennan: (as he's shoveling dirt on Dale) I'm burying you!
Dale: (sobbing) But I'm alive! Brennan, I'm alive!
Brennan: (continues burying him) You're waking the neighbors! Shut up!
Dale: No!
Brennan: Now I'm gonna play your drum set!
Dale: Help me!
Brennan: Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you.

Robert: (turns off TV)
Brennan: What the fuck?!
Dale: Dad! It's Shark Week!
Robert: First of all, your gonna fix the fucking dry wall, NOW!

(after their parents had divorced and now live somewhere else, Dale and Brennan are now the only ones in the house, as they are continuing to whisper in bed)

Brennan: Hey. Are you awake?
Dale: Yeah. I can't believe we have actually have to move out of this house.
Brennan: I know. I feel bad.
Dale: Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and dad aren't here.
Brennan: Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though? It helps me pretend that they are.
Dale: You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.
Brennan: Yeah.
Dale: But I can't imagine how you feel... after my dad looked right at you and said... it's all your fault that they broke up.
Brennan: That's funny, because my mom said; "If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here, everything would be perfect."
Dale: (switches the lamp on) You take that back.
Brennan: No way. It's your fault.
Dale: (he and Brennan get up from their beds) You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land, you refuse to get a job, and you don't even know what it's like to work for something!
Brennan: You don't take responsibility for your actions! And that's why this is all your fault!
Dale: Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public! (Brennan frustratingly walks out of the room) Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy! You know it's true! Just avoid everything! (Later, he hears drumming sounds) What are you doing?!
Brennan: (singing) "Dale broke up mom and dad..."
Dale: MOTHERFUCKER!! (screams while he runs toward the room where Brennan is playing his drumset; with Brennan distracted, Dale thereupon grabs a cymbal and bashes Brennan in the head with it)

Robert: (about his dream to be a dinosaur) So I thought, I'll be a doctor for a little while... and then go back to that.
Brennan: How is that even a skill?

(Dale finds out that Brennan's brother Derek is conceited and disrespectful)

Dale: (pops up from the tree house's entrance) You're right about your brother. (climbs inside) Total dick.
Brennan: (is reading a pornographic magazine) Told you. You know what? I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.
Dale: (also reads one) Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.

(Dale and Brennan, after Dale punched Derek)

Brennan: Hey Derek, you know what cures shoulder pain?
Derek: What?
Brennan: If you lick my butthole.
Dale: SNAP!! (he and Brennan do a high-five)

Dale: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?
Brennan: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Robert: You're adults, you can do what you want.
Dale: So...
Robert: I'm not making myself clear... I don't give a fuck; now you both have several interviews tomorrow. I think you should be focused on that and not building bunkbeds.
Dale: So...
Brennan: We can..? No?
Nancy: Yes.
Brennan: Thanks. You guys are not gonna regret it.
Dale: This is the funnest night ever!

Nancy: Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
Brennan: Mom, I honestly thought I was going to be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes, and at one point he said, "Let's get it on".
Dale: That was about the fighting. I'm so not a raper.

Dale: Dad. We're men, okay? That means a few things; we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.
Robert: (thinks for a minute) We literally have never done any of those things.

(as Dale and Brennan are whispering to each other in bed)

Dale: The only reason you're living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.
Brennan: Who's the retard?
Dale: You.
Brennan: (loudly) Hey ya'll don't say that!
Dale: Shut up! You'll wake up my dad and get me grounded.

Dale: Alright, here's a scenario for you, Dad. Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good. I've got a luscious V of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball-fro. And she takes one look at me, and she goes: 'Oh, my god. I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf.' And she grabs me by the wiener...
Robert: Shut the fuck up!

Brennan: Listen. Mom... Mr. Doback.
Robert: Don't call me Mr. Doback.
Brennan: Ok... mom, Doback.

Brennan: I teabagged your drumset! Your drumset's a whore!
Dale: Well, my drumset's a guy, so that makes you gay, you fucker!

(Dale and Brennan have returned to the school playground, this time by helicopter, where they have come for their revenge on the children that once tortured them)

Chris Gardocki: Well, if it isn't Dale Doback and his little butt-buddy.
Brennan: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!
Chris Gardocki: LET'S GET THEM!! (the children and Dale and Brennan begin charging at each other, resulting in a fight)

(In the "Extended Version"; after Dale and Brennan had defeated the schoolchildren and Chris Gardocki, who tries to run away, but is held back by Dale and Brennan)

Dale: Where do you think you're going...
Brennan: (finishes the sentence) ...Huh?
Chris Gardocki: Home.
Dale: We got something to show you.
Brennan: Come on. (Later, they torture Chris Gardocki with white dog excrement, as Brennan is holding him by the neck) You see that white dog crap!?
Dale: Do you see it!?
Chris Gardocki: (crying) Yeah.
Dale: Not too fun down there, is it?
Chris Gardocki: No.
Brennan: You see? Your actions have consequences!
Dale: When you oppress people, they rise up... in fiery anger!
Brennan: (as he releases Chris Gardocki, who runs away in defeat) Go home.
Dale: We're not like you! We're grownups, motherfucker!
Brennan: Say "hi" to your dad. We went to high school together!

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