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The Angry Video Game Nerd
Angry Video Game Nerd
The Angry Video Game Nerd logo.
Also known as Angry Nintendo Nerd
AVGN
Genre Physical comedy, reviewer
Created by James Duncan Rolfe
Developed by Cinemassacre Productions
Directed by James Duncan Rolfe
Presented by ScrewAttack
Starring James Duncan Rolfe
Mike Matei
Kyle Justin
Theme music composer James Duncan Rolfe (lyrics), Kyle Justin (music)
Opening theme "Angry Video Game Nerd Theme"
Composer(s) James Duncan Rolfe (lyrics), Kyle Justin (music)
Country of origin United States
Language(s) English
No. of seasons 5
No. of episodes 89 (List of episodes)
Production
Producer(s) James Duncan Rolfe
Editor(s) James Duncan Rolfe
Location(s) Newark, New Jersey (season 1-3)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (season 3-present)
Camera setup Liam Mulvey
Running time Varies, usually 2-22 minutes per episode
Broadcast
Original channel Internet:
YouTube
ScrewAttack
GameTrailers
CineMassacre
Picture format 360p WMV / FLV / MOV
Original run May 16, 2004 (2004-05-16) – present
Chronology
Preceded by Bad NES Games (CineMassacre Special)[1]
External links
Official website
Production website

The Angry Video Game Nerd (abbreviated as AVGN, occasionally shortened to The Nerd) is the character and title of a series of farcical retrogaming video reviews by James Duncan Rolfe.[2][3] The show generally revolves around retro game reviews that involve bitter rants against particularly low-quality or poorly designed video games, often associated with movie tie-ins. The series began as a feature on YouTube, and later joined ScrewAttack Entertainment, which would later have three of its features, including the AVGN, transferred to GameTrailers exclusively. The show, formerly known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd, was renamed because the show started reviewing games on other consoles.[4]

The Nerd character is an ill-tempered and foul-mouthed video game fanatic. He derives comic appeal from excessive and inventive use of profanity, frequent displays of explicit gestures, and heavy consumption of beer, particularly Rolling Rock or Yuengling. A particular characteristic, which has become something of a trademark of his character, is for him to describe, in great detail, extremely repulsive and painful, usually firmly scatological acts, and to claim that he would rather endure them than to play the game that he is reviewing. Varying amounts of physical comedy are mixed into the verbal abuses as well as lines from American Movie as an inside joke due to Rolfe's freelance work.

Contents

History

Rolfe first started to do reviews as a child in the late 80s to the early 90s, but did not really take off until he made a short review of the NES game Castlevania II: Simon's Quest in 2004. Rolfe decided to make another video which was supposed to be the last, because Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was his most hated game. At the time, he was drinking the beer Rolling Rock, and this became a signature trait of The Nerd, and he decided to use it in later videos. The videos were produced and published on Cinemassacre.com.[4] In 2006, the videos were put on YouTube under the name of "Angry Nintendo Nerd". He later changed the name to "Angry Video Game Nerd" to prevent trademark issues.[4] Along with the name change, the Nerd soon diversified, reviewing games on other platforms such as the Atari 2600, Super Nintendo, Sega Master System, Sega Genesis, Virtual Boy, Atari 5200, Nintendo 64, TurboGrafx-16, Sega Saturn, Wii and PlayStation. Along with reviewing games, some episodes have featured other video game-related items, such as the Power Glove, the U-Force and other NES accessories, movie reviews of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and The Wizard, and a tribute to Nintendo Power. He also references video game culture in a reenactment of the retro console wars in one video in a Wii tribute.

James Duncan Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd at The Digital Press, a video game store in Clifton, New Jersey.

Rolfe has stated on his website that the first videos he made were "just a joke" and he had no intention of making them public,[4] instead showing them only to friends. After two years passed, Mike Matei suggested he put the reviews online. They soon did, and since then, his reviews have become increasingly popular and have developed a large fanbase.[5] Rolfe's videos grew longer, soon turning into an actual series complete with title cards, an intro song and official merchandise, hats, two versions of t-shirts, and the AVGN Volume 1 DVD (2004~2006 episodes), followed by the Volume 2 DVD (2007 episodes), and the Volume 3 DVD (2008 episodes). After his fourth online review on YouTube, ScrewAttack invited him to have his own section on their website and has since been employed by MTV Networks' GameTrailers.com.[6] Since then, new videos are GameTrailers exclusives released approximately every two to four weeks with Rolfe posting episodes on his YouTube account over a year after its original GameTrailers release.

Rolfe's YouTube account was suspended on May 19, 2008, due to an alleged copyright claim by GameTrailers on his trailer for the reviews of the Spider-Man games.[7] Ironically, GameTrailers' YouTube account was also suspended on the same day due to a copyright claim allegedly by its own company. Rolfe's account was reinstated the following day, with GameTrailers claiming confusion over which videos their staff should have reported.[citation needed]

Rolfe's Nerd character is portrayed as a vulgar and irascible gamer who is fed up with and hates playing horrible games, sometimes begging the viewer not to force him. In many guest appearances, the guest does not always attack him as suggested but tortures him by making him play bad games, regardless of who the person is. While he claims he hates doing so, he has implied that he is actually quite addicted to playing bad games. When he briefly decided to only play good games to enjoy himself, he almost immediately made it clear he would "rather" play the bad ones.

The Angry Video Game Nerd show originated on YouTube under the JamesNintendoNerd Channel, where it was known as the Angry Nintendo Nerd show until November 15, 2006. The show was aired entirely on YouTube until James Rolfe joined with Gametrailers, after which the YouTube account was used only for trailers and miscellaneous videos. On July 25, 2008, older episodes that were exclusive only to Gametrailers started being gradually uploaded to the JamesNintendoNerd Channel for the YouTube subscribers.[8] As of January 2010, his channel is the 30th most subscribed on Youtube, as well as the seventh most subcribed director channel on Youtube.

Show

Episodes

Special guests

Mike Matei as Jason in the review of Friday the 13th.

Occasionally, "special guests" based on famous film and television characters make appearances. These guests often provide additional commentary on the games and mock the Nerd's anguish, becoming increasingly foul mouthed and derisive as the episodes progress. Most of the characters are played by Mike Matei, who also illustrates the show's title cards. His roles include Freddy Krueger, Bugs Bunny, etc. Freddy Krueger was played by James Rolfe, with Matei taking on the role when both the Nerd and Freddy were in view.[9] Kyle Justin played both Spider-Man and Cousin Itt in separate episodes, which were accompanied by him performing the theme songs from Spider-Man and The Addams Family, with reworked lyrics. Justin was also featured in the Battletoads and second Bugs Bunny (Crazy Castle) episodes as himself. Kevin Finn played the Ninja in his Ninja Gaiden review.

Some episodes have a basic storyline inspired by the plot of the game or movie being reviewed (e.g. in the Halloween review, the Nerd is stalked by Michael Myers while he goes babysitting). In these cases, guests are used to play the episode-specific characters.

In The Nerd's take on A Christmas Carol, Stuttering Craig and Handsome Tom, co-founders of ScrewAttack, appear as the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Ghost of Christmas Present, respectively. A Dracula sprite from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest represents the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.[10][11]

Music

Kyle Justin playing the theme in the introduction for the Sega CD review

The Angry Video Game Nerd theme song was composed by independent musician Kyle Justin. The lyrics were the work of both Justin and Rolfe.[12] Some of the lyrics come from comments made by Rolfe in his review of Back to the Future.

The original version of the theme song, which refers to the titular character as the "Angry Nintendo Nerd," features only an acoustic guitar. The second recording is similar to the original but features a more refined performance and an extra lyric at the end referring to the "Angry Video Game Nerd." This version of the theme song was used in the Sega Master System Rocky review, quickly displaced by the third version, then used again in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle review. The third version, which debuted in the "Atari 5200" video, features an overdriven electric guitar and drum set. This version significantly expands on the original song, adding more verses, choruses, and new music. However, a pared-down version, similar in structure to the second version of the theme song, is normally used. The full version is only featured in the Sega CD review and on the DVD set.

The theme song has been covered by fans in genres from heavy metal to chiptune. Rolfe occasionally features a vocal or instrumental cover of the theme song in lieu of the original version in the main titles or end titles of a video. The cover by Dustin Aßmuteit is featured as an extra on the first DVD set.

In addition to the Angry Video Game Nerd theme song, several songs have been parodied and performed by Kyle Justin in Angry Video Game Nerd episodes, including "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" (both "Bible Games" episodes), the Spider-Man theme song ("Spider-Man"), and the Addams Family theme song ("Fester's Quest"). "Nintendo Power" features a cover of the theme song from Nintendo Power commercials, while the Intellivision and the ColecoVision reviews feature a cover of Foreigner's "Double Vision".

The scores for Angry Video Game Nerd episodes are culled from a variety of sources, including film soundtracks, television soundtracks, stock music, and pop music. Some episodes, including "Friday the 13th" (DVD version only), "Nightmare on Elm Street" (DVD version only), "Rocky" (DVD version only), "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Halloween", and "An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol" have necessitated the composition of original scores. Musician Chris Holland has contributed several rock songs, including covers of the opening song from Mickey's Christmas Carol by Irwin Kostal, the "Theme from Star Trek" by Alexander Courage, and the march from Superman by John Williams.

Animated characters

The Nerd fighting alongside "Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C 4.0 Beta" in The Wizard & Super Mario Bros 3

The show also makes use of original animated characters to add commentary or advance an episode-specific plot. The review of Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu uses a character called "Shit Pickle" to comment on the game play. In the Wizard/Super Mario Bros. 3 review, the Nerd calls upon the "Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C 4.0 Beta" to assist in the destruction of a demonically possessed Super Mario Bros. 3 cartridge. This character is a combination of Jesus, robotic components, assorted weapons, and a tank. Both Shit Pickle and Super Mecha Death Christ are originally from Rolfe's film "The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell"[13] and are voiced by James Rolfe and created by Mike Matei. Rolfe explained on his website that Super Mecha Death Christ was created as a spoof on the numerous Mecha-characters found in the Godzilla movies, such as Mechagodzilla.[14] During his review of the Magnavox Odyssey, a character called "The Nerdy Turd" (who is a clone made from the Nerd's feces) is introduced.

DVD

On November 18, 2007, the first AVGN DVD set was released. It includes all of the episodes up to the first Bible Games episode. Some material, such as movie clips from Back to the Future and Rocky, were removed to avoid copyright infringement and replaced with new material. The DVD includes extended versions of the "Wally Bear and the NO Gang!" and "Rocky" reviews as well as an original documentary, deleted scenes, and most of the videos posted exclusively on ScrewAttack.com. In all, the DVD set contains approximately three hours and 15 minutes of content.

According to Rolfe, the initial pressing of the DVD sold out in less than a week.[15] In addition, there were 100 DVDs sold with James Rolfe's autograph on the front cover.[16]

Around November 15, 2008, the second AVGN DVD set, which spans three discs,[17] was released. It includes the GameTrailers.com episodes[18] from the Atari 5200 review to An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol as well as a scene from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III review, the trailers posted on YouTube, commentaries,[19] outtakes (from the 2007 videos as well as some from 2008), and other material.[20]

On December 12, 2009, the third AVGN DVD set, which spans three discs, was released. It includes the GameTrailers.com episodes from Chronologically Confused about the Zelda Timeline to Bible Games 2; however, the review for The Wizard and Super Mario Bros. 3 has been reduced to cover only SMB3 to avoid copyright infringement. Three of the episodes have been extended. The DVD set also includes outtakes, a tour of the Nerd's room, and other material.[21]

Other media appearances

"The Nerd" was covered on MTV's 2006 news special on viral videos

On August 8, 2007, Rolfe's character gained mainstream attention when his videos were featured on the nationally syndicated radio show Opie and Anthony. Opie & Anthony found his obscenity-laced tirades against poorly made video games quite humorous, and took notice of one of their own Whip 'em Out Wednesdays (WOW) promotional stickers being featured quite prominently in several of Rolfe's videos. Since then, additional videos have been played occasionally on the show. Rolfe was later interviewed by Opie and Anthony on January 9, 2008.[22] Rolfe would go on to host a show on Opie and Anthony's XM Satellite Radio (now Sirius/XM) channel for their "Saturday Night Virus" block of shows, but has done only one show so far and has not returned since.

The Angry Video Game Nerd was featured during an episode of Spike TV's Game Head during the week of November 25, 2007. The spot included clips of some of his previous reviews such as Die Hard.

Reception

The Angry Video Game Nerd was voted Best Online Web Series in Mashable's 3rd Annual Open Web Awards on December 16th, 2009.[23]

References

  1. ^ James Rolfe. (2007). What Was I Thinking?: The Making of the Angry Video Game Nerd. [DVD]. ScrewAttack. 
  2. ^ James Rolfe (August 8, 2007). "AVGN: Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout". GameTrailers. http://gametrailers.com/player/23316.html?type=flv. Retrieved December 1, 2007. 
  3. ^ James Rolfe. (2008). CineMassacre 200. [YouTube]. CineMassacre. 
  4. ^ a b c d "Nerd FAQ". The CineMassacre Productions. no date. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?page_id=2454#question12. Retrieved November 25, 2007. 
  5. ^ Carlo Carrasco. "Do you play?". Sun.Star Publishing, Inc.. http://www.sunstar.com.ph/static/ceb/2007/11/12/life/do.you.play..html. Retrieved December 4, 2007. 
  6. ^ James Rolfe. "James Rolfe resume". Cinemassacre. http://www.cinemassacre.com/resume.html. Retrieved August 14, 2007. 
  7. ^ James Rolfe. "SPIDERMAN TRAILER - Angry Video Game Nerd". Cinemassacre. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcJstH0QU9M. Retrieved May 20, 2008. 
  8. ^ JamesNintendoNerd channel description
  9. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: Nightmare on Elm St commentary". GameTrailers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44LOjtXzxyE. Retrieved December 30, 2007. 
  10. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: A Christmas Carol Pt. 1". GameTrailers. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29069.html. Retrieved December 25, 2007. 
  11. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: A Christmas Carol Pt. 2". GameTrailers. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29192.html. Retrieved December 25, 2007. 
  12. ^ Kyle Justin. "Kyle Justin's AVGN Music Page". http://kylejustinmusic.com/AngryVideoGameNerd.htm. Retrieved 2009-03-24. 
  13. ^ "The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell" at Cinemassacre
  14. ^ James Rolfe (2008-10-13). "Godzillathon #20 - Godzilla Vs. MechaGodzilla (1993)". CineMassacre.com. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=379. Retrieved 2008-10-25. 
  15. ^ James Rolfe (November 25, 2007). "AVGN DVD SOLD OUT!". Cinemassacre. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWJv1vvtPao. Retrieved November 25, 2007. 
  16. ^ James Rolfe (March 12, 2008). "AVGN DVD Autograph". Cinemassacre, ScrewAttack. http://www.revver.com/video/734577/avgn-dvd-autograph/. Retrieved March 16, 2008. 
  17. ^ James Rolfe (August 8, 2008). "Updates from me". Cinemassacre. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=41. Retrieved August 29, 2008. 
  18. ^ "Angry Video Game Nerd DVD FAQ". The CineMassacre Productions. http://cinemassacre.com/AVGN/DVD_FAQ.html. Retrieved March 25, 2008. 
  19. ^ "Official AVGN Merchandise". ScrewAttack, Yahoo!. http://www.screwattackstore.com/avgn-dvd-volume2.html. Retrieved November 22, 2008. 
  20. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN DVD - Volume 2". Cinemassacre, YouTube. http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=meTBJ1ufiBs. Retrieved December 1, 2008. 
  21. ^ "AVGN DVD Vol. 3". Cinemassacre. Dec. 12, 2009. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=3755. Retrieved Dec. 12, 2009. 
  22. ^ Opie and Anthony (November 2, 2008). "Angry Video Game Nerd Opie and Anthony Interview Pt 1". Opie and Anthony Radio Show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUVe9RAg3Js. Retrieved November 2, 2008. 
  23. ^ Cashmore, Pete (2009-12-16). "Open Web Awards 2009: The Winners". Mashable. http://mashable.com/2009/12/16/open-web-awards-2009-50-winners/. Retrieved 2009-12-16. 

External links


The Angry Video Game Nerd
File:Avgn
The Angry Video Game Nerd logo
Also known as Angry Nintendo Nerd
AVGN
Genre Physical comedy, Video game reviewer
Created by James Rolfe
Developed by Cinemassacre Productions
Written by James Rolfe
Mike Matei
Directed by James Rolfe
Presented by James Rolfe
Starring James Rolfe
Mike Matei
Kyle Justin
Kevin Finn
Theme music composer James Rolfe (lyrics), Kyle Justin (music)
Opening theme "Angry Video Game Nerd Theme"
Composer(s) James D. Rolfe
Country of origin United States
Language(s) English
No. of seasons 5
No. of episodes 95 (as of October 7, 2010) (List of episodes)
Production
Executive producer(s) James Rolfe (uncredited)
Producer(s) James Rolfe
Editor(s) James Rolfe
Location(s) Newark, New Jersey (season 1-3)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (season 3-present)
Camera setup Liam Mulvey
Running time Varies, usually 2-26 minutes per episode
Distributor Gametrailers
Broadcast
Original channel Internet:
YouTube
ScrewAttack
GameTrailers
CineMassacre
Picture format 360p WMV / FLV / MOV
Original run May 16, 2004 (2004-05-16) – present
Status Active
Chronology
Preceded by Bad NES Games (CineMassacre Special)[1]
External links
Official website
Production website

The Angry Video Game Nerd (abbreviated as AVGN, occasionally shortened to The Nerd) is the main character and title of a series of farcical retrogaming video reviews created by and starring James Rolfe.[2][3] The show generally revolves around retro game reviews that involve bitter rants against games he deems to be of particularly low-quality or poor design. Such games are often associated with movie tie-ins. The series began as a feature on YouTube, and later joined ScrewAttack Entertainment, which would later have three of its features, including the AVGN, transferred to GameTrailers exclusively. The show, formerly known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd, was renamed because the show started reviewing games on other consoles, and also to prevent any trademark issues with Nintendo.[4]

The Nerd character is a short-tempered and foul-mouthed video game fanatic. He derives comic appeal from excessive and inventive use of profanity, frequent displays of explicit gestures, and the consumption of beer, particularly Rolling Rock, and on a few occasions Yuengling. A particular characteristic, which has become something of a trademark of his character, is for him to describe, in great detail, extremely repulsive and painful, usually firmly scatological acts, and to claim that he would rather endure them than to play the game that he is reviewing. Varying amounts of physical comedy are mixed into the verbal abuses.

Contents

History

James Rolfe had his insperation in a dragon in a park close to the hospital where he was born as when rolfe posted his "cinemassacre 300: a dragon in my dreams" tag video. days after he saw the dragon, he had a nightmare with the dragon in it. James states that was his first experience with imagination. he later started creating audio tapes, then photos and then, he got a video camera, made over 100 videos and in 2004, reviewed his first game.Rolfe first started to do reviews as a child in the late 80s to the early 90s, but did not really take off until he made a short review of the NES game Castlevania II: Simon's Quest in 2004. Rolfe decided to make another video which was supposed to be the last, because Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was his most hated game. At the time he was drinking the beer Rolling Rock, which went on to become a signature trait of The Nerd. The videos were produced and published on Cinemassacre.com.[4] on April 6, 2006, he joined YouTube and the videos were put on YouTube under the name of "James Nintendo Nerd". He later changed the name to "Angry Video Game Nerd" to prevent trademark issues.[4] Along with the name change, the Nerd soon diversified, reviewing games on other platforms such as the Atari 2600, Super Nintendo, Sega Master System, Sega Genesis, Game Boy, Virtual Boy, Atari 5200, Nintendo 64, TurboGrafx-16, Sega Saturn and PlayStation. Along with reviewing games, some episodes have featured other video game-related items, such as the Power Glove, the U-Force and other NES accessories, movie reviews of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and The Wizard, and a tribute to Nintendo Power. He also references video game culture in a reenactment of the retro console wars in one video in a Wii tribute.

Rolfe has stated on his website that the first videos he made were "just a joke" and he had no intention of making them public,[4] instead showing them only to friends. After two years passed, Mike Matei suggested he put the reviews online. They soon did, and since then, his reviews have become increasingly popular and have developed a large fanbase.[5] Rolfe's videos grew longer, soon turning into an actual series complete with title cards, an intro song and official merchandise and the AVGN Volume 1 DVD (2004 and 2006 episodes), followed by the Volume 2 DVD (2007 episodes), and the Volume 3 DVD (2008 episodes). After his fourth online review on YouTube, ScrewAttack invited him to have his own section on their website and has since been employed by MTV Networks' GameTrailers.com.[6] Since then, new videos are GameTrailers exclusives released once a month with Rolfe posting episodes on his YouTube account over a year after its original GameTrailers release.

Rolfe's YouTube account was suspended on May 19, 2008, due to an alleged copyright claim by GameTrailers on his trailer for the reviews of the Spider-Man games.[7] Ironically, GameTrailers' YouTube account was also suspended on the same day due to a copyright claim allegedly by its own company. Rolfe's account was reinstated the following day, with GameTrailers claiming confusion over which videos their staff should have reported.[citation needed]

On March 17, 2010, it was announced that Rolfe was suffering from burnout as a result of consistently writing, directing, and starring in the videos, and that the show would be entering a brief hiatus. It was scheduled to return in May 2010; however, an episode was released on April 30. Episodes are now scheduled to be released the first or second Wednesday of each month,[8] as opposed to two episodes per month due to other work.

On September 23, Rolfe released a video on his website detailing his plans for an Angry Video Game Nerd movie to be released in the future. Rolfe's long-time friend Kevin Finn helped him finish the script and it is said to be in the vein of Wayne's World.[9]

Show

Episodes

Special guests

in the review of Friday the 13th.]]

Occasionally, "special guests" based on famous film and television characters make appearances. These guests often provide additional commentary on the games and mock the Nerd's anguish. Most of the characters are played by Mike Matei, who also illustrates the show's title cards. His roles have included characters such as Freddy Krueger and Bugs Bunny, among many others. Freddy Krueger was also played by James Rolfe, with Matei taking on the role when both the Nerd and Freddy were in view.[10] The show's musician, Kyle Justin, played both Spider-Man and Cousin Itt in separate episodes, which were accompanied by him performing the theme songs from Spider-Man and The Addams Family, with reworked lyrics. Justin was also featured in the Battletoads and second Bugs Bunny (Crazy Castle) episodes as himself. Kevin Finn played the Ninja in his Ninja Gaiden review as well as the "Game Graphic Glitch Gremlin" in the Game Glitches episode and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link episode.

Some episodes have a basic storyline inspired by the plot of the game or the movie the game is based on being reviewed (e.g. in the Halloween review, the Nerd is stalked by Michael Myers while he goes babysitting). In these cases, guests are used to play the episode-specific characters.

The Nostalgia Critic appeared in the Nerd's house and together they had a violent duel, in which the critic is nearly killed by the "Super Mecha Death Christ" character.

In The Nerd's take on A Christmas Carol, Stuttering Craig and Handsome Tom, co-founders of ScrewAttack, appear as the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Ghost of Christmas Present, respectively. A Dracula sprite from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest represents the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.[11][12]

Music

in the introduction for the Sega CD review]]

The Angry Video Game Nerd theme song was composed by independent musician Kyle Justin. The lyrics were the work of both Justin and Rolfe.[13] Some of the lyrics come from comments made by Rolfe in his review of Back to the Future.

The original version of the theme song, which refers to the character as the "Angry Nintendo Nerd," features only an acoustic guitar. The second recording is similar to the original, but features a more refined performance and an extra lyric at the end referring to the "Angry Video Game Nerd." This version of the theme song was used in the Sega Master System Rocky review, quickly displaced by the third version, then used again in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle review. The third version, which debuted in the "Sega CD" video, features an overdriven electric guitar and drum set. This version significantly expands on the original song, adding more verses, choruses, and new music. However, a pared-down version is normally used. The full version is also featured on the DVD set.

The theme song has been covered by fans in genres from heavy metal to chiptune. Rolfe occasionally features a vocal or instrumental cover of the theme song in lieu of the original version in the main titles or end titles of a video. The cover by Dustin Aßmuteit is featured as an extra on the first DVD set.

In addition to the Angry Video Game Nerd theme song, several songs have been parodied and performed by Kyle Justin in Angry Video Game Nerd episodes, including "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" (both "Bible Games" episodes), the Spider-Man theme song ("Spider-Man"), and the Addams Family theme song ("Fester's Quest"). "Nintendo Power" features a cover of the theme song from Nintendo Power commercials, while the Intellivision and the ColecoVision reviews feature a cover of Foreigner's "Double Vision".

The scores for Angry Video Game Nerd episodes are culled from a variety of sources, including film soundtracks, television soundtracks, stock music, and pop music. Some episodes, including "Friday the 13th" (DVD version only), "Nightmare on Elm Street" (DVD version only), "Rocky" (DVD version only), "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Halloween", and "An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol" have necessitated the composition of original scores. Musician Chris Holland has contributed several rock songs, including covers of the opening song from Mickey's Christmas Carol by Irwin Kostal, the "Theme from Star Trek" by Alexander Courage, and the march from Superman by John Williams.

Animated characters

] The show also makes use of original animated characters to add commentary or advance an episode-specific plot. The review of Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu uses a character called "Shit Pickle" to comment on the game play (which simply consisted of him repeating the words "shit" and "pickle" sometimes, but not always together). Shit Pickle did not appear again until Rolfe reviewed the NES game Action 52. In the Wizard/Super Mario Bros. 3 review, the Nerd calls upon the "Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C 4.0 Beta" to assist in the destruction of a demonically possessed Super Mario Bros. 3 cartridge. This character is a combination of Jesus, robotic components, assorted weapons, and a tank. Both Shit Pickle and Super Mecha Death Christ are originally from Rolfe's film "The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell"[14] and are voiced by James Rolfe and created by Mike Matei. Rolfe explained on his website that Super Mecha Death Christ was created as a spoof on the numerous Mecha-characters found in the Godzilla movies, such as Mechagodzilla.[15] During his review of the Magnavox Odyssey a character called "The Nerdy Turd", a piece of fecal matter with Rolfe's head and face on it, was introduced out of necessity as the Odyssey does not support single player games.

DVD

On November 18, 2007, the first AVGN DVD set was released. It includes all of the episodes up to the first Bible Games episode. Some material, such as movie clips from Back to the Future and Rocky, were removed to avoid copyright infringement and replaced with new material. The DVD includes extended versions of the "Wally Bear and the NO Gang!" and "Rocky" reviews as well as an original documentary, deleted scenes, and most of the videos posted exclusively on ScrewAttack.com. In all, the DVD set contains approximately three hours and 15 minutes of content.

According to Rolfe, the initial pressing of the DVD sold out in less than a week.[16] In addition, there were 100 DVDs sold with James Rolfe's autograph on the front cover.[17]

Around November 15, 2008, the second AVGN DVD set, which spans three discs,[18] was released. It includes the GameTrailers.com episodes[19] from the Atari 5200 review to An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol as well as a scene from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III review, the trailers posted on YouTube, commentaries,[20] outtakes (from the 2007 videos as well as some from 2008), and other material.[21]

On December 12, 2009, the third AVGN DVD set, which spans three discs, was released. It includes the GameTrailers.com episodes from Chronologically Confused about the Zelda Timeline to Bible Games 2; however, the review for The Wizard and Super Mario Bros. 3 has been reduced to cover only SMB3 to avoid copyright infringement. Three of the episodes have been extended. The DVD set also includes outtakes, a tour of the Nerd's room, and other material.[22]

Film

On September 23, 2010, Rolfe announced that he is working on an Angry Video Game Nerd feature film based on a script he and Kevin Finn completed in 2008. The film will be in the vein of Wayne's World and Rocky in that the film will not be about a game review, but rather the life of the Nerd character who is a game reviewer.[23] Rolfe said a detailed game review was implemented in the script.

Other media appearances

's 2006 news special on viral videos]] On August 8, 2007, Rolfe's character gained mainstream attention when his videos were featured on the nationally syndicated radio show Opie and Anthony. Opie & Anthony found his obscenity-laced tirades against poorly made video games quite humorous, and took notice of one of their own Whip 'em Out Wednesdays (WOW) promotional stickers being featured quite prominently in several of Rolfe's videos. Since then, additional videos have been played occasionally on the show. Rolfe was later interviewed by Opie and Anthony on January 9, 2008.[24] Rolfe would go on to host a show on Opie and Anthony's XM Satellite Radio (now Sirius/XM) channel for their "Saturday Night Virus" block of shows, but has done only one show so far and has not returned since.

The Angry Video Game Nerd was featured during an episode of Spike TV's Game Head during the week of November 25, 2007. The spot included clips of some of his previous reviews such as Die Hard. He is temporarily employed by Spike TV, doing reviews and location spots for his Cinemassacre website.

Awards

The Angry Video Game Nerd was voted Best Online Web Series in Mashable's 3rd Annual Open Web Awards on December 16, 2009.[25]

References

  1. ^ James Rolfe. (2007). What Was I Thinking?: The Making of the Angry Video Game Nerd. [DVD]. ScrewAttack. 
  2. ^ James Rolfe (August 8, 2007). "AVGN: Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout". GameTrailers. http://gametrailers.com/player/23316.html?type=flv. Retrieved December 1, 2007. 
  3. ^ James Rolfe. (2008). CineMassacre 200. [YouTube]. CineMassacre. 
  4. ^ a b c d "Cinemassacre FAQ". The CineMassacre Productions. 2010. http://www.cinemassacre.com/faq/. Retrieved June 4, 2010. 
  5. ^ Carlo Carrasco. "Do you play?". Sun.Star Publishing, Inc.. http://www.sunstar.com.ph/static/ceb/2007/11/12/life/do.you.play..html. Retrieved December 4, 2007. 
  6. ^ James Rolfe. "James Rolfe resume". Cinemassacre. http://www.cinemassacre.com/resume.html. Retrieved August 14, 2007. 
  7. ^ James Rolfe. "SPIDERMAN TRAILER - Angry Video Game Nerd". Cinemassacre. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcJstH0QU9M. Retrieved May 20, 2008. 
  8. ^ "AVGN: Episode 90 – “Action 52″". April 30, 2010. http://www.cinemassacre.com/2010/04/30/avgn-episode-90-action-52/. Retrieved May 2, 2010. 
  9. ^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZw6YHR2EBM
  10. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: Nightmare on Elm St commentary". GameTrailers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44LOjtXzxyE. Retrieved December 30, 2007. 
  11. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: A Christmas Carol Pt. 1". GameTrailers. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29069.html. Retrieved December 25, 2007. 
  12. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN: A Christmas Carol Pt. 2". GameTrailers. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29192.html. Retrieved December 25, 2007. 
  13. ^ Kyle Justin. "Kyle Justin's AVGN Music Page". http://kylejustinmusic.com/AngryVideoGameNerd.htm. Retrieved 2009-03-24. 
  14. ^ "The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell" at Cinemassacre
  15. ^ James Rolfe (2008-10-13). "Godzillathon #20 - Godzilla Vs. MegaGodzilla (1993)". CineMassacre.com. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=379. Retrieved 2008-10-25. 
  16. ^ James Rolfe (November 25, 2007). "AVGN DVD SOLD OUT!". Cinemassacre. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWJv1vvtPao. Retrieved November 25, 2007. 
  17. ^ James Rolfe (March 12, 2008). "AVGN DVD Autograph". Cinemassacre, ScrewAttack. http://www.revver.com/video/734577/avgn-dvd-autograph/. Retrieved March 16, 2008. 
  18. ^ James Rolfe (August 8, 2008). "Updates from me". Cinemassacre. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=41. Retrieved August 29, 2008. 
  19. ^ "Angry Video Game Nerd DVD FAQ". The CineMassacre Productions. http://cinemassacre.com/AVGN/DVD_FAQ.html. Retrieved March 25, 2008. 
  20. ^ "Official AVGN Merchandise". ScrewAttack, Yahoo!. http://www.screwattackstore.com/avgn-dvd-volume2.html. Retrieved November 22, 2008. 
  21. ^ James Rolfe. "AVGN DVD - Volume 2". Cinemassacre, YouTube. http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=meTBJ1ufiBs. Retrieved December 1, 2008. 
  22. ^ "AVGN DVD Vol. 3". Cinemassacre. Dec. 12, 2009. http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=3755. Retrieved Dec. 12, 2009. 
  23. ^ James Rolfe (September 23, 2010). "Future Plans – AVGN: The Movie". Cinemassacre. http://www.cinemassacre.com/2010/09/23/future-plans-avgn-the-movie/. Retrieved September 25, 2010. 
  24. ^ Opie and Anthony (November 2, 2008). "Angry Video Game Nerd Opie and Anthony Interview Pt 1". Opie and Anthony Radio Show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUVe9RAg3Js. Retrieved November 2, 2008. 
  25. ^ Cashmore, Pete (2009-12-16). "Open Web Awards 2009: The Winners". Mashable. http://mashable.com/2009/12/16/open-web-awards-2009-50-winners/. Retrieved 2009-12-16. 

External links

Achievements
Preceded by
JumbaFund
Most Subscribed Channel on YouTube
Ranked 45th as of 2010
Succeeded by
ImprovEverywhere
Most Subscribed Director on YouTube
Ranked 14th as of 2010


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

The Angry Video Game Nerd is a Internet TV series based on a fictional character created and portrayed by James D. Rolfe. In each episode, the nerd reviews a terrible video game and rants about it while using dirty language. Mike Matei helps Rolfe by playing characters in certain episodes (Bugs Bunny, The Joker etc.) Kyle Justin sings and plays the theme song written by Rolfe. The first two episodes were made in 2004 by Rolfe as a joke to his friends. But in 2006 Matei suggested to Rolfe that it should become a regular series.

Contents

Season One

Castlevania II: Simon's Quest

AVGN: The first problem comes in when it changes from day to night. [A text box appears saying "What a horrible night to have a curse."] Why does this need to happen every so often? Like every five minutes. Why does it take so long? Nobody feels like sitting through this every time. How would you like it if you were playing a game and every five minutes, I came over and paused it and counted ten tedious seconds and then let you continue playing the game? No. I mean, why did they think that that would be a good idea to interrupt the gameplay? Did they think it would be more realistic? I mean in real life, I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and the fucking box doesn't pop up in the air. I mean, this is one of the most annoying features in any game ever. What's the point? The monsters are stronger and the stores are all closed but why is it necessary and why does the game have to stop? It's fucking retarded.

AVGN: And why do you have to die when you fall in the water? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. This guy can go all over fighting hordes of evil monsters but he can't even fucking swim. Sometimes I don't feel like going down the stairs just to get down to the ground level. I mean, there's no reason I should do that when I can do that when I can just take a shortcut and jump down. But oops! I shouldn't do that. There might be water down there.

AVGN: "The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night." How about vanquish this horrible game?

AVGN: Thank you for listening, good night.......The ending sucks too.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

AVGN: With Simon's Quest, you heard the sincerity in my voice...but now see the sincerity in my eyes...this game is fucking HORRIBLE!

AVGN: First of all, who are these people trying to kill you? Why do you walk so slow? And the staff doesn't do anything. Look at this, I'm going to try to kill somebody but it's not going to work. See that? It's like, they give you a weapon and then it doesn't do anything. I mean imagine if in Zelda, imagine if Link couldn't use his sword? And then look, then you die and then you turn into Mr. Hyde I guess. You walk around punching people and throwing shit. And then for no reason you just die. Lightning will strike, it's real spontaneous and you're dead. And then the game is over. What the fuck is that shit?!

AVGN: You'd rather superglue your asshole shut than play that game. You'd rather drown in gasoline. You'd rather...you know, the thing is you think I'm joking, like I'm trying to be funny or something. No, the fact that that game exists is a horrible abomination of mankind. That game is so fucking horrible and I am not kidding. I am dead fucking serious. [close up of the nerd] Dead...fucking...serious!

The Karate Kid

AVGN: This game is AAAASSSSSS!

AVGN: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! (in slow motion) SHIT! (in super slow motion with the word coming out of his mouth.) FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!

AVGN: I hate this game. But why am I playing it? Well, that's the question everyone has asked themselves, and they all have the same reason: Because you're angry, and you want to win. You want to beat the Nintendo. But the cold fact is that nobody cares but you.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

AVGN: All right. The game sucks. End of story. I want to nail Roger Rabbit to the fucking cross.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

AVGN: They're Turtles, for fuck's sakes! They can't even swim?!

AVGN: Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit. This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick. This game is appealing as a fucking oozing fest of dirty fucking sewer rat shit. I've had more fun playing with dog turds. Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls. This game is an inside out asshole reguritating putrid anal fecal matter. I'd rather fucking yank all the hairs out of my scrotum. I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's anus. It sucking fucks. It fucking sucks. It fucking blows. It's a piece of shit...and I don't like it.

Back to the Future

AVGN: This game is horrible!

AVGN: I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk than play this game, ever again.

AVGN: Look at those! What are they? Goombas, and the spikey thing ripped right off of Super Mario Brothers? Fuckin' slackers!

AVGN: Oh God, don't let the blue bird get'cha! ASS!!!

M.C. Kids

AVGN: So there's Ronald with his magic bag. A bag of hallucinogenic drugs. I always thought that clown was one scary mother fucker.

AVGN: Oh God, look! A McFlurry Man! Those guys are badass!

AVGN: There's Grimace, the big purple fuck. Look at his house, it looks like Barney the Dinosaur's testicle!

Wally Bear and the NO! Gang

AVGN: It should just say, "Press Here, You Dumb Fuck!" Like, some kid is gonna be like, "Ehhh, duhhh, how do I put the game in?"

Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu

AVGN: It's a weird game and you can tell just by the cartridge. It's one of those weird baby blue cartridges so right away you can tell that it's a big piece of fucking shit.
Shitpickle: Pickle.

Top Gun

AVGN: [after crash landing] AAAAASSSSS!!!! FUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!

Double Dragon III

AVGN: Bimmy and Jimmy? How'd they make a mistake like this? Bimmy isn't even a real name! How did this happen? They didn't even proofread this shitty game before they released it? Bimmy and Jimmy? I'm sorry, I just can't get over that. Bimmy and Jimmy? There's a typo in a Nintendo game, let alone a fucking Double Dragon game, and it's the first screen!

Friday the 13th

AVGN: [Commenting on the game over screen] I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:
You're Dead.
Your Friends Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Fucking Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Fucking Whore.
You Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.

AVGN: This game...is fucking...HORRIBLE! [Throws it hard at the wall]

A Nightmare on Elm Street

AVGN: So you go inside one of the houses, and guess what? It's crawling with ginormous spiders! So, what do you do? You give 'em a taste of your fist! Punch 'em! Smack 'em around! Assholes! God damn fuckin' spiders. Eat my ass, ya fuckin' bitches! Show 'em you're a man...Punch those spiders!

Power Glove

AVGN: Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. There's only one way to do this game with the Power Glove. [punches the game with the glove]

AVGN: Now you're playing with power...Now you're playing with fucking shit! You're better off fucking shit than fucking with this fucked-up shit. Fuck this shit! You don't know shit about how fuckin' shitty this fuckin' shit is. It's so bad it sucks. It's so fucking suck it fucks! And I...can't take it anymore.

Chronologically Confused

Rocky

AVGN: Is there any way to control this? Like, how does it work? I wanna know!
Mickey: You don't wanna know!
AVGN: Yeah, I wanna know!
Mickey: You wanna know?
AVGN: Yeah, I wanna fucking know! [reads the manual] "To move your player about the ring does not require any specific buttons for execution. It requires the right situation because your player will be prohibited from moving unless you satisfy these conditions. If you're on the offense and attacking freely, your player will move according to the direction of your blows and can be guided to the left/right or forward/backward with your D-button. If you are on the defense, your player will not move in the direction you want until you can guard yourself effectively (Button 1). And then, you must start dealing blows to be in the control of your footwork as mentioned above." So did you get that? Well, let me sum it up. It stinks!
Rocky: That's right, it stinks!
AVGN: It's a bunch of putrid anal shit coming out of a rhinoceres' asshole. It fucks up the ass, shits out the mouth, piss out the nose, dookie out the ear, diarrhea out the dick, shits for the birds! The control for this game is...poo poo.

AVGN: C'mon, get up! Get up, you floor-fucking dickhead!

Bible Games

Kyle Justin: [to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town]
He's playing some games, the worst he recalls
He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here
Oh, he's making a list and checking it twice
He's going to go home and eat chicken and rice
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here
He hates the games that stink
He knows which games to break
He just might even hate them all
Cause he's mad for fucking sake
You better watch out, don't give these games a try
You better not play em, he's telling you why
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here

AVGN: Noah, man. Nobody fucks with him. Not even Chuck Norris!

AVGN: Invisible Touch is heard in the background] So lets play another bible game. It's the Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. And the soundtrack is Genesis.

Season Two

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III Part One

AVGN: Now I know you've seen a lot of bad movies. But no, let me tell you. This movie is bad. Like how bad? Like is it the worst of the Turtles trilogy? Oh undenialably. But that's not the point. My point is that this is the worst fucking movie I've ever seen in my life! Now I can tell you the perspective from a 12 year old and a 26 year old that it needs to rot in hell. In Satan's asshole. Now what I mean by that is that I was 12 the first time I saw the movie. In the theaters in 1993 And I was such a big Turtles fan, I just accepted it. I just held the truth inside and you know it's just been tearing away at me all these years. And now, looking back at it, I just gotta come clean and honest man. I just gotta let it all out. This movie is fucking terrible! (punches the tape)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III Part Two

AVGN: Behold, the number one, worst, most god awful movie quote of all time.
Donatello: Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!
AVGN: Ugh. I still can't believe it. Did he really say that?
Donatello: Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!
AVGN: Ugh! I'm sorry for playing that again. That's really terrible. Not only is this the worst line in the movie, it's the worst line ever spoken in a motion picture. And believe it or not, this line was in the commercials too! And even worse, I distinctly remember in the theater, everyone laughed. I mean come on! It's not funny. (laughs)

AVGN: Now to top off the whole thing and carry on in the tradition of Splinter telling a joke at the end, what do they do? The worst fucking joke ever to close the worst fucking movie ever. But right before we hear what Splinter says, let's go back to Turtles 1 again. The joke in the first movie is "Cowabunga."
Splinter: Cowabunga!
AVGN: Alright acceptable.
Splinter: I made a funny! Ha ha ha ha ha!
AVGN: Now let's go to Turtles 2.
Splinter: Go Ninja! Go Ninja! Go! [The turtles all backflip] I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
AVGN: Can it get any worse than that? Yes it can. Behold, Splinter's last joke in the Turtles trilogy.
Splinter: Yo dude! [puts on a flowered lampshade]
Michaelangelo: Yo dude!
Splinter: Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii!
AVGN: What a way to end the series. Would there be a follow up? Would there be a Turtles 4? Fuck no. Not after that.

Atari 5200

AVGN: Look at how huge this beast is, it's ginormous! And why is there a door on it? Is this a video game console, or a fucking closet?

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters Followup

AVGN: [performing a spell check on the ending screen] Let's play teacher and grade this piece of shit. Since it's really short, let's say 10 points off for every error out of a posssible 100. So okay, you ready? Here we go. First of all, "Conglaturation !!!" is spelled wrong. It's not even a simple typo. Two letters in two different places are wrong which probably means that they didn't know how to spell it. So that's 20 points off right there just because it's an atrocius spelling. But then why isn't it in plural? You don't usually say "Congratulation.", you say "Congratulations". So technically it's got nothing to do with the spelling. It's a different error all together. That's another ten points for that. Then, "You have completed a great game." Well that's just simply wrong, 20 points off for that statement. Even if it was a great game, it wouldn't have to announce it. So then, you have a punctuation error. The next sentence begins with "And". Then you've got an extra O in "prooved". Proved what? "prooved the justice of our culture."? So it's saying that you proved that our culture has justice? I don't know. "Now go and rest our heroes !" Instead of "Now go and rest, our heroes.", it's telling you to go rest our heroes. Ok, well, sorry to say but we had to take off 90 points. But hey, a score of 10% means that there's still hope. But wait, is there any reason why there's an exclamation point here? (at the end) And then there's three up there? (after Conglaturation) That's another 10 points off for lack of consistency with a total score of 0. F minus. It should've said...
Congratulations!
You had the patience to sit through this awful game.
You proved your nerdiness.
Now go fuck yourself!

Ghostbusters Conclusion

AVGN: [Playing Ghostbusters 2 for NES] I mean, if you gotta go answer the phone, or take a shit? It's like, tough shit if you gotta take a shit! You gotta take a quick shit! You gotta have turbo turds! I'm trying to play the game, I got shit stains in my pants, and an answering message on my phone that says, "Sorry, I'm playing Ghostbusters 2 on Nintendo." What a selfish game! Bottom line, have a fucking pause button. God damn it!

Spider-Man

Kyle Justin as Spider-Man: This game sucks my spider-balls!

Sega CD

Kyle: [Singing the full theme song]
He's gonna take you back to the past.
To play the shitty games that suck ass.
He'd rather have a buffalo
Take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
He'd rather eat the rotten asshole
Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
He's the angry Nintendo nerd
He's the angry Atari, Sega nerd
He's the angry video game nerd
When you turn on your TV
Make sure it's tuned to channel 3
He's got a nerdy shirt
And a pocket pouch
Although I've never seen him write anything down
He's got a Power Glove
And a filthy mouth
Armed with his Zapper, he will tear these games down
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
He's the angry Nintendo nerd
He's the angry Atari, Sega nerd
He's the angry video game nerd
He plays the worst games of all time
Horrible abonomations of mankind
They make him so mad, he could spit
Or say "Cowabunga"
Kyle and AVGN: Cowa fucking piece of dog shit!
They rip you off and don't care one bit
But this nerd, he doesn't forget it
Why can't a turtle swim?
Why can't I land a plane?
They've got a quick buck for this shitload of fuck
The characters names are wrong
Why the password's so long?
Why don't the weapons do anything?
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
The games suck so bad, he makes up his own words
He's the angry most pissed off gaming nerd
He's the angry Atari, Amiga, Cd-i, Colecovision, Intellivision, Sega, Neo-Geo, Turbo-Grafx 16, Odyssey, 3DO, Commodore, Nintendo nerd
He's the angry video game nerd

Sega 32X

AVGN: The Sega CD had its place in history. Don't get me wrong, it's still a piece of shit, but it has a certain appeal. The 32X is the real deal. It sucks. Oh God, it sucks. You plop it on the top of the Genesis like they're mating. God, I mean...do you think that's enough add-ons? It doesn't even look aesthetically presentable. I mean, it's just like an ugly tumor. Did they really need all this bullshit leeching on the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking, "Oh please God, take this shit off me!" It's like getting gang raped. Both of its slots are getting fucked at the same time!

AVGN: Sega invented the 32X to increase the life span of the Genesis. And that's exactly what the friggin' thing looks like...It's on life support!

Silver Surfer

AVGN: I mean this game just pukes snot up my ass. It's like, you touch the top of the building, you die. You touch the ceiling, you die. You touch the floor, you die. Too far to the right, you die. Too far to the left, you die. You die, you die, you die. Diediediediediediediediediediediediedie DIE!

Die Hard

AVGN: So is this game going to be good or is it gonna suck? Well take a wild fucking guess! So this is the first enemy in the game and I can't even get near him because he's shooting bullets all over the place and running away like an asshole. Get back here you fucker! Come on! Ah, I missed. Oh, now there's another guy already? God, I can't move! Now I'm out of bullets? Are you for real? If only I can get near him, I'm gonna punch the shit out of him. Come on! Unh! Unh! Come on! Aye! You mother! Come on! Come on! Fuck you up! Come on! You know, is his other arm paralyzed or something? What's going on? Come on you motherfucker! Come on, I'm going to fuck you up! Come on! Yeah! Got him. Now how sad is this? I only killed one guy in the game so far and I'm almost dead. Now once you're dead, the game's over and you start back from the beginning. But at least they've got the god damned courtesy of giving you a life bar!

AVGN: Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important or not. You blow up this gym lock or whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are you kidding me? Have you ever had a video game character talk back to you and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just said "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks." This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!

Independence Day

AVGN: To describe this game's assness, all I can say is... it's very ass.

AVGN: The worst thing about this is that it's making me feel really guilty to be playing it. Like... I should be doing something better with my time... Like rolling dog turds in cement.

The Simpsons

AVGN: If I was walking through the mall, and I saw giant bouncing donuts and killer marshmallows, walking shoes and spring-jumping shoes, moonwalking shoes, paper bags with legs, paper bags with scary fucking heads, and killer towels? I think I'd shit my pants. Shit would come out of my ass.

Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout

AVGN: Wow, how awesome could this be? Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout! Well, it was a blowout, all right...Blow out your ass!

AVGN: This game is garbage! I'd rather put my balls in a crocodile's mouth, while shoving my head up a unicorn's asshole!

Bugs Bunny: Eh, ain't I fuckin' stinker, motherfucker?
AVGN: Ain't you goddamn fucking piece o' shit!

AVGN: Well, here's Tweety again. C'mon, get out here! C'mon, c'mon. Little Tweety fuck!!

Atari Porn

Nintendo Power

AVGN: One thing that used to piss me off was the NES Achievers section. It's just a bunch of nerds showing off their high scores. But how do you prove it? You gotta take a photo of your screen and nobody knew how to do that. Remember, there were no digital cameras back then. So, you take the picture of the screen. You had no fucking clue of what it's looks like and there could be 20 other pictures on the roll, so you either have to waste them all or wait until it gets finished. You get your mom or dad to take it to the store to get the picture developed. It comes back and what does it look like? It looks like fucking shit!

AVGN: [Commenting on the promotional ads in the magazine] Now here's the worst one yet. It's some old creepy bitch holding a log of shit! God damn!

Fester's Quest

AVGN: This game better stop sucking ass, or else I'm gonna have to give it the finger. The middle finger!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Halloween

Dragon's Lair

AVGN: Did I just die by walking into the fucking door?

AVGN: This game is like a cruel joke that you play on your friends. It's like, "Hey, you wanna play a game? Here you go, you fuckers!"

AVGN: This game is being notorious among gamers as being one of the most frustrating games in existence. At some time or another, it seems everyone takes a shot at it and after this review, I'm sure many more people will suffer over it which is unfortunate. But to quote Full Metal Jacket, "It's just one big shit sandwich and we all gotta take a bite."

AVGN: Man, fuck that shit. You think I'm gonna put myself through that again?! God dammit man! [shoots down his fingers leaving the middle one] Man, fuck this game man! Jesus Christ! I'd rather fucking 69 a grizzly bear while shoving King Kong up my ass! I'd rather fucking stand in the middle of a ring of monkeys as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste! Man, fuck this game! Fuck it to hell! Fuck it to oblivion! Fuck it to damn nation of mankind!! [gets up to leave the room. The door closes by itself. The nerd walks into the door and dies.]

An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol Part One

AVGN: Shitty games all my life! Shitty fucking games! I hate shitty fucking games! And I hate shitty fucking Christmas too because shitty fucking Christmas means more shitty fucking games! Humbug! Bah fucking humbug to hell!! [shakes the cabinet and a game falls on top of AVGN and knocks him out.]

An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol Part Two

AVGN: Shaq Fu. Just the name makes people cringe. Like you don't even wanna go there.

AVGN: The title doesn't even sound good. Shaq Fu? It's like a joke. I mean just the fact that they can release a fighting game starring Shaquille O'Neal and call it Shaq Fu pretty much proves that you can put Fu at the end of anything. How about Robin Williams Fu or U2Fu? I mean, who came up with this shit? What were they smoking crack up their ass?!

Season Three

Chronologically Confused 2: The Legend of Zelda Timeline

Rambo

AVGN: Back in the 80's, Rambo was the shit. But the NES game was just plain shit.

AVGN: There's Murdock, the bastard. You get your machine gun, you shoot him, and he turns into a frog. [removes glasses and stares at the TV screen in disbelief] Yeah. You shoot Chinese letters and he turns into... a frog. Just what I expected.

Virtual Boy

AVGN: The first problem was that it was marketed as a portable system. Yeah, portable. My ass is portable. You could barely find a comfortable way to play this big red ugly piece of shit at home, let alone bring it somewhere. Like you couldn't play it in a car somewhere or something like that and come to think of it, you wouldn't want to play this thing in public anyway. You'd look like an asshole!

The Wizard of Oz

AVGN: But now on with the game. Let's start off with the enemy rundown: We've got blood thirsty blue birds, frogs, chattering teeth, pink soldiers, some weird looking dude, flying elephants which are supposed to be monkeys, a blobby blue guy, and killer chairs. Is this Wizard of Oz or Pee-wee's Playhouse?

Double Vision Part One

AVGN: The Intellivision games barely fit in the cartridge slot. It's like trying to stick your dick in a cheerio.

AVGN: Microsurgeon. The picture (on the game cartridge) reminds me of Slim Goodbody. I can't believe I'm making that kind of reference.

Double Vision Part Two

AVGN: What's that? A metamorphic stone rising from the blackness of negative of Earth? A towering behemoth of monstrosity brought down by extra terrestrial powers? Or a giant monolith of death, hell bent on the annihilation of human kind, time and all matter? No. It's the AC adapter for a Colecovision. [struggles to pick it up.] What the fuck were they thinking?! Is this necessary? Look, I can't fit this god forsaken piece of shit in the electrical outlet, unless there's nothing next to it! What a fucking hog! That's what it is, a self indulgent glutton of a power hog.

AVGN: Now the fourth expansion module connects the system to a dishwasher, and the fifth and final one connects it to your ass!

The Wizard and Super Mario Bros. 3

AVGN: This game kicks your ass until diarrhea comes out your dick! The only thing better than playing this game would be to have a magic leprechaun come and bring you beer.

NES Accessories

AVGN: [Reviewing the Konami LaserScope] Wow, I just shot down a duck by saying Fuck!

AVGN: [while demonstrating the Roll N Rocker] It doesn't work. It just doesn't work. I need a beer. [starts drinking Rolling Rock] I'm drinking Rolling Rock on the Roll N Rocker! Rolling Rock! Roll N Rocker! Yeah, Rolling Rock on the Roll N Rocker!

Indiana Jones Trilogy

AVGN: [Reviewing Temple of Doom for NES] What's up with Indiana Jones? He looks like a park ranger, and he walks like he just dumped ass.

AVGN: Some call it a platformer game, some call it an adventure game. I classify it as a "Where the fuck do I go?" kind of game.

Star Trek

AVGN: [Playing Star Trek 25th Anniversary for NES] If you're a fan of Star Trek, you'll notice it's pretty loyal to the original series, and if you play it for a while, you might be able to get into it and adjust to its crap factor. Not to be confused with warp factor. But for me, most of the time, I just can't figure out where to go or what to do. I tried calling the game a piece of shit, I tried giving it the finger, but verbal and gestural persuasions proved ineffective.

Superman

AVGN: It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game!

AVGN: You have a map screen which seems like it should be self-explanatory enough, but there's times when you have to use a subway train. "Oops! You can't ride the subway with no pass!" What, are you kidding me? He's Superman! He needs to buy a fuckin' ticket?!

AVGN: Wait a minute. "Stock Market Panic! Stock prices fall!"? What are we talking about the stocks now? "Find out why stock prices have fallen." "You'll learn about stocks at the stock market." Okay, that's the goal here? To go to the...stock market? Oh my god. Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember playing Nintendo? What kind of things were you interested in? Comic books? Video games? Uhh...the stock market? Yeah, do you think any kid playing this game gives a shit about the fucking stock market?! Just...why? Why make a game that has anything to do with stocks or taxes or politics? You just don't do that! It's like "What were they thinking?"! Stocks?! I just can't...I just...oh (raspberry). I just...what a shitload of fuck.

Superman 64

AVGN: Okay the wait is finally over. This is the review that everybody wants to see. Here it is, Superman...on Commodore 64.

AVGN: What? I'm stuck? How the hell am I stuck? I'm underneath the bridge! Looks like Superman's stroking his super dick.

AVGN: So finally when I get past the rings, instructions flash on screen then go away. What did it say? Something about cars? You're not even given enough time to read it. Oh, it's over already? What was I supposed to do? WHAT? I don't even get to try again?! I'M BACK AT THE FUCKING RINGS AGAIN?!!

AVGN: And am I really doing this? Is this a Superman game? Flying through rings? Is that the best they could come up with? That's like if they made a Batman game where all he does is just play hopscotch.

AVGN: What kind of game is this? Is this some kind of insanity test? Well, I'm done. That's all I can do. This game doesn't even qualify as shit! It's like the equivalent of shit taking a shit! This is unspeakably, shockingly bad. It's sickeningly loathsome! It's a fucking suffering of the minds! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fucking nerd! [unbuttons his shirt to reveal a blue Superman shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into the sun which explodes.]

Batman Part One

AVGN: [to each bad Batman game] I'm Batman!!

AVGN: [about Batman on Commodore 64] Well, game sucks. Gotta give it the Batman punishment. I'm Batman!! [throws disk on the ground]

AVGN: [about Batman on Nintendo]: A good game on the NES library, but a hard son-of-a bitch!

AVGN: Batman Forever for the Super Nintendo. Now we're in deep shit because this game is triceratops testicles.

AVGN: Oooh, look at that: Chainsaw to the dick!

AVGN: Fuck! Shit! Get up there! This is fuckin bullshit!

AVGN: Sometimes I get the grappling hook to work by pure luck until I found out that, okay, this is how it works: To shoot up, you press select and up in a very specific way. You have to press select slightly before you press jump. If you do it correctly, it shoots the grappling hook straight up in the air. But if you press them both at the same time, you just jump! That's a good reason why the jump button SHOULD NOT BE UP!! WHY CAN'T IT BE ONE OF THE FUCKING BUTTONS?!! HAVING THE FUCKING UP BUTTON JUMP IS FUCKING FUCKED UP!! If this (up) aims your grappling hook and this (B button) jumped, that would be fine. But no! They gotta be the same button!

AVGN: Why this is fucked beyond belief! It's like, the controls to this game are like something you'd do for a cheat code, not a basic move that you have to do in order to play the game! Why did they program it in such an assine, ball-brained, cockamamie, ridiculous fashion?! It's like, "Geez there's four buttons in front of the controller. BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TO WORK WITH!!" Instead they have to like program it onto like weird crazy button combinations and shit! It's like, what were they thinking?! It's like, up is jump! Select is for the grappling hook! Select shouldn't be part of the game, select should be like part of the menus or something. I mean, geez! Were they trying to ruin this game? Were they trying to flat out fuck it up?! Well they did! Batman Forever! It sucked back then and it sucks forever!!

Batman Part Two

AVGN: I swear that these games were programmed by The Joker.

Deadly Towers

AVGN: Even the manual says "You have no confidence in this sword." What the fuck kind of advice is that? It's like saying "Buddy, if you play this game you're going to get FUCKED UP THE ASSHOLE WITH A PORCUPINE!! GOOD FUCKING LUCK DOUCHEBAG!!"

AVGN: You get an inventory screen, it's empty right now but it seems pretty standard, tells you your life and everything. It also has this thing called ludder. Yeah, it says you have 50 ludder. I can only assume that that's currency so I Googled it to see what it meant, and according to an urban dictonary, ludder means "Cheap-Ass Hoe." So therefore, we're already starting out with 50 Cheap-ass hoes so we're doing alright for ourselves. I wonder what the exchange rate is for the expensive whores? Maybe we'll find out later.

AVGN: This game is so hard, it's easier to lift an elephant with my ass while singing "Old Macdonald".

AVGN: This is so bad, Satan wouldn't even accept it if you offered it with your soul.

Battletoads

AVGN: The intro shows three Toads: Rash, Pimple and Zitz. Why such disgusting names? How about: Herpes, Genital Warts and Gonorrhea?

AVGN: There's no reason why the game should be programmed this way and we shouldn't have to stand for it!
Kyle Justin: Argh, to hell with this shit!
AVGN: To hell with this fuckin' shit!
Kyle Justin: To hell with this banana-buffalo-wearing...bastard bullshit!
AVGN: Yeah, now you're talkin! All right!! So anyway, Battletoads--
Kyle Justin: I'm going behind the couch!
AVGN: Yeah, you do that! Go bunker yourself from all these shitty games! Yeah so, Battletoads is not a two player game. Having a second player is as convenient as having a siamiese bulldog attached to your anus. It's like, with one player, it's hard. But with two, it's virtually unplayable!
Kyle Justin: (singing) He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard.
AVGN: You bet your ass!
Kyle Justin: He's the angry video game nerd.

Dick Tracy


AVGN: You know, Dick Van Dyke is in the movie. You think that's enough Dicks?

AVGN: Dick Tracy. Dick Tracy. Dick this and dick that.

AVGN: [gets to a clue that is seemingly unreachable] I get to the damn clue. I try jumping at it but that doesn't work so I go back onto the ledge. Can I jump on the ladder? Nope. Well I'm going to keep going back until I find what I am allowed to jump on. You can never tell what's a platform and what's just part of the background. Alright, so I'm working my way back to the right. I'm jumping on the crates and the platforms. Here we go. (jumps to the platform above the clue and then falls) What the fuck? Oh good lord! Now I gotta go back again. Here we go. Let's try again. (jumps to the platform again) Okay, how does this work? If you jump you just end up on the platform and you can't jump straight down! That's ridiculous! So my only way is to just slightly...unnnnhhhh! Your mother! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!! FUUUCCK!! Could they have put this clue in a more unreachable spot?!! (jumps at the clue, punches it and gets it) What? I got it? I've been jumping at it for five minutes and then finally I get it? Like, what did I do different?

AVGN: [After realizing you must have five clues before arresting Numbers] You've got to be fucking kidding me! That's ridiculous! Like what?! Like you have to travel all around and go to five different buildings, four to get the clues and then the last one to arrest Numbers ALL WITHOUT DYING ONCE!! THAT'S WHORESHIT!! And I didn't say horseshit, I said whoreshit. Like a whore taking a shit! You know, remember when you were a little kid, it was fucking Friday, you did all your homework and you rented a game from the local video store. And this was it! This was your whole weekend. You didn't have anything else to do so you had no choice but to keep playing the first part of the game over and over and over again! And it's like "You know what? I want to see the rest of the game!" You can't just let the game fucking win like that! So that's why you don't give up!

AVGN: This is the reason why Game Genie was invented! I've been playing this game for almost 20 fucking years and I still can't get past the first stage! So why am I still trying? I don't know, I guess I'm just a sucker for Dick Tracy! Sucker for Dick? That didn't sound good. I'm gonna tell you right now that anybody would've given up on this game had it not been for the name. They made one of the most frustrating games of all time! They took the name Dick Tracy and slapped it on the cover just like slapping their own greedy Dick. Well, if this game is Dick, then we were the balls!

AVGN: And you know, I really wanted to give it a chance because I really liked the idea of finding clues, figuring out where to go, like it made you think like a detective. But one guy? No continues? Like seriously, give me a reason why there's no continues?! Why are there no continues?! WHY ARE THERE NO FUCKING CONTINUES?!!! WHY???!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [drinks and cries into his pillow then goes insane, drills a hole through the game and smashes it with a hammer]

Dracula

[the nerd is playing The Count on the Commodore VIC-20]

AVGN: The graphics are non existant because it's a text game. It says "I see I was put to bed. It's afternoon and I overslept. What shall I do now?" I'm going to write "Get out of bed".
[Game responds "Don't know what out is. What shall I do now?"]
AVGN: "Wake up."
[Game responds "Don't know how to wake something."]
AVGN: I don't know what to tell it but I have the instructions and it gives you some suggestions on some words you can use. So lets try "Climb."
[Game responds "Can't do that...yet."]
AVGN: Oh so you're teasing me! "Go."
[Game responds "I also need a direction."]
AVGN: "Go right."
[Game responds "Don't know what right is."]
AVGN: "Go left."
[Game responds "Don't know what left is."]
AVGN: "Eat pillow."
[Game responds "Yuck!"]
AVGN: Okay...so I ate the pillow? I didn't expect that. "Get up."
[Game responds "I'm in a bedroom. Closed window. Brass Bed. North."]
AVGN: Uhhh...okay. "Go north."
[Game responds "OK. What shall I do now?"]
AVGN: Okay, so I went north? What did that do? "Go east."
[Game responds "OK. What shall I do now?"]
AVGN: "Go east again."
[Game responds "Use 1 or 2 words only!"]
AVGN: Oh okay. I'll give you two words! "Fuck you!"
[Game responds "Don't know how to fuck something."]
[AVGN looks on in shock, and does a facepalm]

AVGN: Wait, who's this? Fred Fuchs? Fred Fucks?!? Fred Fucks! Oh my God, it's Fred Fucks!

Frankenstein

AVGN: [Playing Frankenstein: The Monster Returns on the NES] Stage four is the final stage. Yeah they chose to keep the game as short as possible, yet as annoying as possible. This place is all fucked up. There's all these weird faces in the background. Like where are you supposed to be? Inside Satan's asshole?

AVGN: Then you get smothered by sacless balls. Yeah, floating testicles. Then you fight Dracula. Yeah, Dracula's in this game. His arm looks all cockeyed. Looks like a dick, like his hand is a dickhead. Heh, dickhead.

AVGN: Anyway, I can't get past the vines so I'm going to cheat with Game Genie, the last resort. But check out these codes! "Almost unlimited energy" "Invincibility after losing first life. May cause the game to freeze" "Start with no continues" "Can not collect extra energy" And "One hit is fatal". What kinds of codes are these?! Is there some sick fuck who thinks the game isn't hard enough? Like somebody who wants to be tortured some more? Well how about this. I got a code for you. How about a code that just starts you off dead?

CD-i Part One

AVGN: These games are notorious for their legendary ass suckage which is hard to believe. How can there exist a bad Zelda game, let alone three of them? And on a console that's not Nintendo? Well if you haven't heard of them, you might think you're living under a rock, but let me tell you, it's a rock worth living under.

AVGN: But before we get to the Zelda games, let's start off with Hotel Mario. The price on this one I got to be honest was zero because this was a donation. Thanks Casey, you might as well have sent me a turd wrapped in tinfoil.

CD-i Part Two

AVGN: [Playing Zelda: The Wand Of Gamelon] If you want to bring up the status screen, you got to stay away from those doors. Also, the status screen is the only way you can pause the game. Sometimes I forget or don't realize that I'm in front of a door so I try bring up the status screen and I get up to take a piss only to realize that I'm in another room getting my ass handed to me.

AVGN: Why does Zelda have to carry around 20 fucking ropes? Why can't she use the same one?

AVGN: It's also strange to get people to talk, you stab them with your sword.
Hungry woman: I'd give anything for an Arpagos Egg!
George the Chef: My cakes will burn!
AVGN: Just to hear stupid shit like that.

CD-i Part Three

AVGN: Talking to people is still a strange ordeal. Why do you have to shove a sword up their ass?

AVGN: [The nerd has to go through the castle again after dying while killing Ganon.] So I gotta go all the way through the castle again and when I get there, thankfully Ganon's still dead. Then you gotta wake Zelda. Come on! I'm here to rescue your royal ass. Get the hell up! Wake the fuck up! [swings the sword at the gong above Zelda] Oh, I get it.
Link: I just saved you from Ganon! I won!
AVGN: Nothing short of poetry.

AVGN: Playing these games is as worthwhile as melting a dog turd in a frying pan. Yeah, put some buffalo puke and some cat piss all over it, and you have a shit sandwich that is Zelda CD-i!

Bible Games II

AVGN: [playing Exodus on the NES] So the exit appears, you take it and then you get a bunch of bible questions such as "The king of Egypt told the hebrew midwives to: kill male babies?, kill all babies?" Kill all babies? I'm playing an NES game that says "Kill all babies?" And you know what? That's the wrong answer so that obviously means that that's something they made up. Kill all babies!

Season Four

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

AVGN: There's a variety of special moves which are kind of cool. Michael can spin, throw his hat, grab his crotch???? [looks on in shock] Why? Why would they put that in the game? How could they put that in the game?

Milon's Secret Castle

AVGN: The first thing that bugs me is the weapon. Why bubbles? Why not a sword, or magic lightning bolts, or fireballs, or a gun, or undefined pixelized pieces of shit? Fucking anything but bubbles! What, is this game for little girls?!

AVGN: So that's when you need the power. Nintendo Power! It's like "You wanna know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta buy our magazine you dumb little shits!" (reads) This is the Classified Information section. Usually this is all about cheats "Golgo 13 - Stage Select", "Spy Hunter - Start with all weapons", "Wizards & Warriors - Bypass the Wizard", "Mario 2 - Shortcuts to Birdo", "Milon's Secret Castle - Getting Started"? That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game needed Nintendo Power! That is some fuck!

AVGN: In this issue, there's a section in Consoler's Corner where gamers questions are answered. Why Consoler's Corner? Because, you're going to need consoling after you get done with this shit. Alright, so let's see what it has to say. (reads then realizes that he's getting attacked by lightning bolts outside the castle) What the hell?! I was just standing outside the castle minding my own business when lightning bolts start coming down. Isn't this supposed to be the safe spot? Imagine if any other game had that. If you're like on the overworld or map screen then all of a sudden, shit starts attacking!

AVGN: Milon's Secret Castle?! More like Milon's Shitty Asshole!

Atari Jaguar Part One

AVGN: [talking about the bits in consoles] This started a little trend I like to call The Bit Wars. Nobody ever talked about bits before that and nobody ever talked about bits since. And what are bits anyway? Nobody knew. They're just bits. Try explaining that to your parents. "I want a Super Nintendo for Christmas!" "Don't you have a Nintendo?" "Yeah, but this one's 16 bit!" "What's that?" "I don't know."

Atari Jaguar Part Two

AVGN: (playing Attack of the Mutant Penguins) This is the weirdest game I've ever played. I mean, it's not bad if you're drunk or high or something. But how did they come up with this shit? I got it. I could come up with a game like this. How about you're a shark? And you shake palm trees until trains fall down. And you put the trains in an apple and then turkeys come and eat the apples. And then the turkeys go up waterfalls and to get them down, you have to collect monkey butts. So you drop the monkey butts on power lines and (imitates his brain exploding)

Metal Gear

AVGN: This game is the fucking crust between your balls!

AVGN: If the original Metal Gear was Kojima's baby, then the NES version is his deformed grandchild! Now, I know...it's still a classic, if you look past all its flaws. It's like digging for gold underneath a pile of horse shit. Or perhaps, it's a gleaming silver turd. It might not look like shit...but it sure smells like it.

Odyssey

AVGN: Like what are some of the games you grew up with? Maybe Wrecking Crew on the NES, or After Burner on the Sega Master System, or how about game number 1 on the Odyssey?

X-Men

AVGN: Welcome to die!

The Terminator

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Transformers

Mario Is Missing

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties

Bugs Bunny's Crazy Castle

AVGN: Crazy Castle 4?! How many of these fucking games could there possibly be?
Bugs Bunny: You better play it doc before I ram my ramming fist right up your motherfucking ass!

Super Pitfall!

AVGN: So we're jumping around in thin air, trying to find different suits, like spades, hearts and diamonds. What purpose does this have? I found the princess! Does he need to play Poker with her or something?

Godzilla

Wayne's World

AVGN: The hell with this game! I can't say I expected it to be good, but this is just a maximum catastrophe of ass!

Castlevania Part One

AVGN: What in the unholy name of ass is this fuckness?! Oh wait, that's not a word? Well, it should be!

Castlevania Part Two

AVGN: [Playing Castlevania 3 on NES] There's a stage where the screen keeps moving up. If you're caught at the bottom, you die. What kind of logic is that? In Trevor Belmont's world, what killed him? The TV screen?!

AVGN: If there's any game that puts you in a bad mood, it's Castlevania 3. Y'know? Like, if you want a game that'll piss you off, putting this game in your Nintendo is like running open-armed out into a rainstorm of piss! You wanna go balls-to-the-wall? Well, there's one way to put your balls to the wall, and that's to stick your dick in an electric outlet. You wanna play shit tennis with an orangutan, while having your head up a hyena's asshole?! Well, good luck.

Castlevania Part Three

AVGN: [Playing Dracula X on SNES] The final battle with Dracula is impossible...Im-Fucking-Possible! It's bad enough Dracula turns into a devil wearing a speedo, but on top of that, you have to hop across platforms?

AVGN: [Playing Castlevania 64] In this stage, you have to pull levers to open gates. So when you get to a lever, it says "Operate the mechanism? Yes or No". Why does it bother asking me this? Obviously I want to pull the lever. What's my other option, to stare at the fucking background?!

AVGN: [Dealing with the Nitro/Mandragora sequence] Then I found these statues that talk to you. At first, I thought they were just giving you hints, letting you know what to do with the Nitro and Mandragora, but since I can't seem to place the stuff on the ground, I figure I have to talk to these statues in order to even use the items at all! Even though that makes no sense, that's like talking to a fire hydrant so you can use dynamite to demolish a building!

Castlevania Part Four

AVGN: [Playing Symphony of the Night] What, are these skeletons shooting lasers out their cocks?!

Little Red Hood

AVGN: Ok, let me get this straight, ok? Alright. You wait for a randomly flashing staircases to appear in which you try to find a randomly appearing key, which randomly appears within the randomly appearing staircases and then try to collect a random number of cherries that randomly appear as you kick palm trees to reveal another staircase that doesn't, or more or less, appears to be flashing but in a frozen state. You go in there, and you're off to the next level. You got that? Well, good. Because now all you gotta do is do that 9 more times and congratulations, you've learned the secret of playing Little Red Hood. The only thing you might be wondering now is, " What on Earth does this have to do with the story of Little Red Riding Hood? Well, I'll tell ya: Absolutely fucking nothing.

Winter Games

AVGN: This is a blizzard of balls!

AVGN: (playing the Figure Skating event) I'm not even kidding, but if I were to give out an award, a big shit dripping trophy for the worst controls ever in a video game, I think it would go to this! I mean look at it! I've never seen anything this unresponsive. I'm hitting every button combination possible. You know, all it needs to be said about Winter Games is that you push buttons. That's all it is. How's Winter Games? You ever play Winter Games? Yeah, you push buttons. Go like this. You're playing Winter Games! You ever watch a movie where someone's pretending to play a video game but you tell that they're just acting? They're just going like this. They're playing Winter Games. Yeah. Who programmed this thing? Maybe it was Fred Fuchs/Fucks.

Season Five

Street Fighter 2010

AVGN: I can only imagine, we gotta be Tiger Uppercutting through space and time, we gotta be throwing Sonic Booms on the moon, Hadoukens up your anus. Fuck Street Fighter IV, this is Street Fighter 2010!

AVGN: What the hell is this poop-plastered, shit-smothered piece of fuck?!

AVGN: The final boss looks like a big, blistering ball sack that swallowed Grimace.







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