The Full Wiki

The Daily Show: Wikis


Note: Many of our articles have direct quotes from sources you can cite, within the Wikipedia article! This article doesn't yet, but we're working on it! See more info or our list of citable articles.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Daily Show
Dailyshow logo.svg
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart logo
Also known as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Genre Comedy
News parody
Format late night talk show
Created by Madeleine Smithberg
Lizz Winstead
Directed by Chuck O'Neil
Presented by Craig Kilborn (1996–1998)
Jon Stewart (1999–present)
Starring Correspondents
Opening theme Bob Mould, "Dog On Fire" (performed by They Might Be Giants)
Country of origin United States
No. of episodes 1,720 (as of May 14, 2009) (List of episodes)
Executive producer(s) Rory Albanese
Josh Lieb
Jon Stewart
Running time 22 minutes
Original channel Comedy Central
Picture format 480i (SDTV) (1996–2009)
1080i (HDTV) (2010–present)
Original run July 22, 1996 – present
Related shows The Jon Stewart Show"
The Colbert Report
External links
Official website

The Daily Show, known in its current incarnation as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, is an American late night satirical television program airing each Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central in the United States. The half-hour long show premiered on July 21, 1996, and was hosted by Craig Kilborn until December 1998. Jon Stewart took over as host in January 1999, bringing a number of changes to the show's content. Under Stewart, The Daily Show has become more strongly focused around politics and the national media, in contrast with the more character-driven focus during Kilborn's tenure.

Describing itself as a fake news program, The Daily Show draws its comedy and satire from recent news stories, political figures, media organizations, and often, aspects of the show itself. The show typically opens with a long monologue from Jon Stewart relating to recent headlines and frequently features exchanges with one or more of several correspondents, who adopt absurd or humorously exaggerated takes on current events against Stewart's straight man persona. The final segment is devoted to a celebrity interview, with guests ranging from actors and musicians to nonfiction authors and political figures.

The program has grown in popularity since Stewart took over hosting, with organizations such as the Pew Research Center claiming that it has become a primary source of news for many young people, an assertion the show's staff have repeatedly rejected. Critics, including series co-creator Lizz Winstead (who has since changed her view[1]), have chastised Stewart for not conducting sufficiently hard-hitting interviews with his political guests, some of whom he may have previously lampooned in other segments; while others have criticized the show as having a liberal bias.[citation needed] [2] Stewart and other Daily Show writers have responded to both criticisms by saying that they do not have any journalistic responsibility and that as comedians their only duty is to provide entertainment.

In 2005, Comedy Central launched a spin-off show, The Colbert Report, starring long-time Daily Show correspondent Stephen Colbert. The two shows run back-to-back and continue to have regular interaction with one another, and Stewart will often "toss" (create a bridge between shows) to Colbert at the end of an episode. A weekly Global Edition of The Daily Show has been created for overseas markets and airs on foreign networks as well as CNN International.



Jon Stewart hosting an episode of The Daily Show in 2009

Each episode begins with announcer Drew Birns announcing the date and the introduction, "From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York, this is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart."[3][4] The host, Jon Stewart, then opens the show with a monologue drawing from current news stories and issues. Previously, the show had divided its news commentary into sections known as "Headlines", "Other News", and "This Just In"; these titles were dropped on October 28, 2002. The monologue segment is often followed by a segment featuring an exchange with a correspondent—typically introduced as the show's "senior" specialist in the subject at hand—either at the anchor desk with Stewart or reporting from a false location in front of a projection of stock footage from the location in question on a large monitor giving the illusion of actually being there. Their stated areas of expertise vary depending on the news story that is being discussed, and can range from relatively general (such as Senior Political Analyst) to absurdly specific (such as Senior Anonymous Congressional Gay Public Restroom Sex Correspondent).[5] The correspondents typically present absurd or humorously exaggerated takes on current events against Stewart's straight man.[6] While correspondents stated to be reporting abroad are usually performing in-studio in front of a projected background, on rare occasions cast members have recorded pieces on location. For instance, during the week of August 20, 2007, the show aired a series of segments called "Operation Silent Thunder: The Daily Show in Iraq" in which correspondent Rob Riggle reported from Iraq.[7] In August 2008, Riggle traveled to China for a series of segments titled "Rob Riggle: Chasing the Dragon", which focused on the 2008 Beijing Olympics.[8] Additionally, Jason Jones traveled to Iran in early June 2009 to report on the Iranian elections. Jones and Stewart inadvertently generated much comedic material when the protests in Iran corresponded roughly to the time immediately after Jones's reporting.

These correspondent segments feature a rotating supporting cast, and involve the show's members traveling to different locations to file comedic reports on current news stories and conduct interviews with people related to the featured issue. Topics have varied widely; during the early years of the show they tended toward character-driven human interest stories such as Bigfoot enthusiasts, but since Stewart began hosting in 1999 the focus of the show has become more political and the field pieces have come to closer reflect current issues and debates.[9] Under Kilborn and the early years of Stewart, most interviewees were not aware or entirely aware of the comedic nature of The Daily Show. However, since the show began to gain popularity—particularly following its coverage of the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections—most of the subjects now interviewed are in on the comedic element.[10]

Some segments recur periodically, such as "Back in Black" with Lewis Black, "This Week in God" and "Are You Prepared?!?" with Samantha Bee, "Trendspotting" with Demetri Martin and "Wilmore-Oliver Investigates" with John Oliver and Larry Wilmore. Since the early days of the 2003 invasion of Iraq, a common part of the show has been "Mess O' Potamia", focusing on the United States' policies in the Middle East, especially Iraq.[11] Elections in the United States have been a prominent focus in the show's "Indecision" coverage throughout Stewart's time as host. During the 2000, 2004, and 2008 presidential elections, the show was taken on the road to record week-long specials from the cities hosting the Democratic and Republican National Conventions.[12] For the 2006 US midterm elections, a week of episodes was recorded in the contested state of Ohio.[13] The "Indecision" coverage of the 2000, 2004, 2006 and 2008 elections all culminated in live Election Night specials.[14]

In the show's third act, the host conducts an interview with a celebrity guest. Guests come from a wide range of cultural sources, and include actors, musicians, authors, pundits and political figures.[15] Since Stewart became host, the show's guest list has tended away from celebrities and more towards non-fiction authors and political pundits, as well as many prominent elected officials.[11] While in the show's earlier years it struggled to book high-profile politicians—in 1999, for an Indecision 2000 segment, Steve Carell struggled to talk his way off Republican candidate John McCain's press overflow bus and onto the Straight Talk Express—it has since risen in popularity, particularly following the show's coverage of the 2000 and 2004 elections. In 2006, Rolling Stone described The Daily Show under Stewart as "the hot destination for anyone who wants to sell books or seem hip, from presidential candidates to military dictators", while Newsweek calls it "the coolest pit stop on television".[16][17] Prominent political guests have included former U.S. Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton, former British Prime minister Tony Blair, former Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf, Bolivian President Evo Morales, former Mexican President Vicente Fox and then future president Barack Obama.[18] The show has played host to former and current members of the Administration and Cabinet as well as members of Congress. Numerous presidential candidates have appeared on the show during their campaigns, including John McCain, John Kerry and Barack Obama.[19] On September 13, 2006, a new portion of the interview segment began called "The Seat of Heat", wherein the host would ask a guest one challenging or bizarre question to be answered. The segment was short-lived, and by the end of 2006 it had been discontinued.

In a closing segment sometimes referred to as the toss, Stewart has a short exchange with "our good friend, Stephen Colbert at The Colbert Report", which airs immediately after. This check-in first appeared following The Colbert Report's premiere in October 2005 and was initially featured daily, but in 2007 was cut back to twice per week, and, as of 2009, is now just once a week.[20] After this, there is a segue to the closing credits in the form of "Your Moment of Zen", a humorous piece of video footage that has been part of the show's wrap-up since the series began in 1996.[21]


The outside of the current Daily Show studio

The program features Stewart sitting at his desk on the elevated island stage in the style of a traditional news show. The show relocated from its original New York studio in mid-1998 to NEP Studio 54 in New York City's Hell's Kitchen neighborhood where it remained until 2005, when the studio was claimed by Daily Show spin-off series The Colbert Report.[22] On July 11, 2005, the show premiered in its new studio, NEP Studio 52, at 733 11th Avenue, between 51st and 52nd Streets, a few blocks west of its former location.[23]

The set of the new studio was given a sleeker, more formal look, including a backdrop of three large projection screens. The traditional guests' couch, which had been a part of the set since the show's premiere, was done away with in favor of simple upright chairs. The change was initially not well-received, spawning a backlash among some fans and prompting a "Bring Back the Couch Campaign." The campaign was mentioned on subsequent shows by Stewart and supported by Daily Show contributor Bob Wiltfong.[24][25] The couch was eventually made the prize in a Daily Show sweepstakes in which the winner received the couch, round trip tickets to New York, tickets to the show and a small sum of money.[26]

The sign over the entryway of the current Daily Show studio

On April 9, 2007 the show debuted a new set. The projection screens were revamped (with one large screen behind Stewart, while the smaller one behind the interview subject remained the same), a large, global map directly behind Stewart, a more open studio floor, and a J-shaped desk supported at one end by a globe. The intro was also updated; the graphics, display names, dates, and logos were all streamlined.[27]


The show's writers begin each day with a morning meeting where they review material that researchers have gathered from major newspapers, the Associated Press, cable news channels and websites, and discuss headline material for the lead news segment. Throughout the morning they work on writing deadline pieces inspired by recent news, as well as longer-term projects. By lunchtime, Stewart—who describes his role as that of a managing editor[citation needed]—has begun to review headline jokes. The script is submitted by 3 p.m., and at 4:15 there is a rehearsal. An hour is left for rewrites before a 6 p.m. taping in front of a live studio audience.[3][17] While the studio capacity is limited, tickets to attend tapings are free and can be obtained if requested far enough in advance.[28]

The Daily Show typically tapes four new episodes a week, Monday through Thursday, forty-two weeks a year.[29] The show is broadcast at 11 PM Eastern/10 PM Central, a time when local television stations show their real news reports and about half an hour before most other late-night comedy programs begin to go on the air. The program is rerun several times the next day, including an 8 PM Eastern/7 PM Central prime time broadcast.


With Craig Kilborn (1996–1998)

Craig Kilborn is seen hosting an episode of The Daily Show in 1997

The Daily Show was created by Lizz Winstead and Madeleine Smithberg and premiered on Comedy Central on July 22, 1996, having been marketed as a replacement for Politically Incorrect (a successful Comedy Central program that had moved to ABC earlier that year).[30] Aiming to parody conventional newscasts, it featured a comedic monologue of the day's headlines from anchor Craig Kilborn, as well as mockumentary style on-location reports, in-studio segments and debates from regular correspondents Winstead, Brian Unger, Beth Littleford, and A. Whitney Brown.[31] Common segments included "This Day in Hasselhoff History" and "Last Weekend's Top-Grossing Films, Converted into Lira", in parody of entertainment news shows as their tendency to lead out to commercials with trivia such as celebrity birthdays.[32] In each show Kilborn would conduct celebrity interviews, ending with a segment called "Five Questions" in which the guest was made to answer a series of questions that were typically a combination of obscure fact and subjective opinion.[33] These are highlighted in a 1998 book titled The Daily Show: Five Questions, which contains transcripts of Kilborn's best interviews.[34] Each episode concluded with a segment called "Your Moment of Zen" that showed random video clips of humorous and sometimes morbid interest such as visitors at a Chinese zoo feeding baby chicks to the alligators.[35] Originally the show was recorded without a studio audience, featuring only the laughter of its own off-camera staff members. A studio audience was incorporated into the show for its second season, and has remained since.[36]

The show was much less politically-focused than it later became under Jon Stewart, having what Colbert described as a local news feel and involving more character-driven humor as opposed to news-driven humor.[9] Winstead recalls that when the show was first launched there was constant debate regarding what the show's focus should be. While she wanted a more news-driven focus, the network was concerned that this would not appeal to viewers and pushed for "a little more of a hybrid of entertainment and politics".[37] The show was slammed by some reviewers as being too mean-spirited, particularly towards the interview subjects of field pieces; a criticism acknowledged by some of the show's cast. Describing his time as a correspondent under Kilborn, Colbert says, "You wanted to take your soul off, put it on a wire hanger, and leave it in the closet before you got on the plane to do one of these pieces."[38] One New York Times reviewer criticized the show for being too cruel and for lacking a central editorial vision or ideology, describing it as "bereft of an ideological or artistic center... precocious but empty."[39]

There were reports of backstage friction between Kilborn and some of the female staff, particularly the show's co-creator Lizz Winstead. Winstead had not been involved in the hiring of Kilborn, and disagreed with him over what direction the show should take. "I spent eight months developing and staffing a show and seeking a tone with producers and writers. Somebody else put him in place. There were bound to be problems. I viewed the show as content-driven; he viewed it as host-driven," she said.[40] In a 1997 Esquire magazine interview, Kilborn made offensive comments about his female coworkers, describing them as "emotional people" and "bitches" and making a sexually explicit remark about Winstead. Comedy Central responded by suspending Kilborn without pay for one week, and Winstead quit soon after.[41]

In 1998 Kilborn left The Daily Show in order to replace Tom Snyder on CBS's The Late Late Show. He claimed the "Five Questions" interview segment as intellectual property, disallowing any future Daily Show hosts from using it in their interviews.[42] Correspondents Brian Unger and A. Whitney Brown left the show shortly before him, but the majority of the show's crew and writing staff stayed on.[43] Kilborn's last show as host aired on December 17, 1998. Reruns were shown until Jon Stewart's debut four weeks later.[44]

With Jon Stewart (1999–present)

Shift in content

Comedian Jon Stewart took over as host of the show, which was retitled The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, on January 11, 1999.[45] Stewart had previously hosted Short Attention Span Theater on Comedy Central,[46] two shows on MTV (You Wrote It, You Watch It and an eponymous talk show), as well as a syndicated late-night talk show, and had been cast in films and television.[47] In taking over hosting from Kilborn, Stewart retained much of the same staff and on-air talent, allowing many pieces to transition without much trouble, while other features like "God Stuff", with John Bloom presenting an assortment of actual clips from various televangelists, and "Backfire", an in-studio debate between Brian Unger and A. Whitney Brown, evolved into the similar pieces of "This Week in God" and Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell's "Even Stevphen". Since the change, a number of new features have been, and continue to be, developed. The ending segment "Your Moment of Zen", previously consisting of a random selection of humorous videos, was diversified to sometimes include recaps or extended versions of news clips shown earlier in the show.[21] The show's theme music, "Dog on Fire" by Bob Mould, was re-recorded by They Might Be Giants shortly after Stewart joined the show.[48][49]

Host Jon Stewart in the studio of The Daily Show in 2004

Unlike Kilborn, whose dialogue and character were written entirely by others, Stewart served not only as host but also as a writer and executive producer of the series. Instrumental in shaping the voice of the show under Stewart was former editor of The Onion Ben Karlin who, along with fellow Onion contributor David Javerbaum, joined the staff in 1999 as head writer and was later promoted to executive producer. Their experience in writing for the satirical newspaper, which uses fake stories to mock real print journalism and current events, would influence the comedic direction of the show; Stewart recalls the hiring of Karlin as the point at which things "[started] to take shape". Describing his approach to the show, Karlin said, "The main thing, for me, is seeing hypocrisy. People who know better saying things that you know they don't believe."[10]

Under Stewart and Karlin The Daily Show developed a markedly different style, bringing a sharper political focus to the humor than the show previously exhibited. Then-correspondent Stephen Colbert recalls that Stewart specifically asked him to have a political viewpoint, and to allow his passion for issues to carry through into his comedy.[50] Colbert says that whereas under Kilborn the focus was on "human interest-y" pieces, with Stewart as host the show's content became more "issues and news driven", particularly after the beginning of the 2000 election campaign with which the show dealt in its "Indecision 2000" coverage.[9][51] Stewart himself describes the show's coverage of the 2000 election recount as the point at which the show found its editorial voice. "That's when I think we tapped into the emotional angle of the news for us and found our editorial footing," he says.[52]

During Stewart's tenure, the role of the correspondent has broadened to encompass not only field segments but also frequent in-studio exchanges. Under Kilborn, Colbert says that his work as a correspondent primarily involved "character driven [field] pieces—like, you know, guys who believe in Bigfoot." However, as the focus of the show has become more news-driven, correspondents have increasingly been used in studio pieces, either as experts discussing issues at the anchor desk or as field journalists reporting from false locations in front of a green screen. Colbert says that this change has allowed correspondents to be more involved with the show, as it has permitted them to work more closely with the host and writers.[9]

The show's 2000 and 2004 election coverage, combined with a new satirical edge, helped to catapult Stewart and The Daily Show to new levels of popularity and critical respect.[53] Since Stewart became host, the show has won thirteen Emmy Awards and two Peabody Awards, and its ratings have dramatically increased. In 2003, the show was averaging nearly a million viewers, an increase of nearly threefold since Stewart replaced Kilborn as host.[54] By September 2008, the show averaged nearly 2 million viewers per night.[55] Barack Obama's interview on October 29, 2008 pulled in 3.6 million viewers, the show's highest to date.[56]

The move towards greater involvement in political issues and the increasing popularity of the show in certain key demographics have led to examinations of where the views of the show fit in the political spectrum. Adam Clymer has argued that The Daily Show is more critical of Republicans than Democrats.[2] Stewart says that while the show does have a more liberal point of view, it is not "a liberal organization" with a political agenda and its duty first and foremost is to be funny. He acknowledges that the show is not necessarily an "equal opportunity offender", explaining that Republicans tended to provide more comedic fodder because "I think we consider those with power and influence targets and those without it, not."[57] In an interview in 2005, when asked how he responded to critics claiming that The Daily Show is overly liberal, Stephen Colbert said likewise: "We are liberal, but Jon's very respectful of the Republican guests, and, listen, if liberals were in power it would be easier to attack them, but Republicans have the executive, legislative and judicial branches, so making fun of Democrats is like kicking a child, so it's just not worth it."[58]

Stewart is critical of Democratic politicians for being weak, timid, or ineffective. He said in an interview with Larry King, prior to the 2006 elections, "I honestly don't feel that [the Democrats] make an impact. They have 49 percent of the vote and three percent of the power. At a certain point you go, 'Guys, pick up your game.'"[59] He has targeted them for failing to effectively stand on some issues, such as the war in Iraq, describing them as "incompetent" and "unable... to locate their asses, even when presented with two hands and a special ass map."[60]

Karlin, then the show's executive producer, said in a 2004 interview that while there is a collective sensibility among the staff which, "when filtered through Jon and the correspondents, feels uniform," the principal goal of the show is comedy. "If you have a legitimately funny joke in support of the notion that gay people are an affront to God, we'll put that motherfucker on!"[61]

During the eight years of the George W. Bush presidency, Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings was the only sitting cabinet member to appear on the show. Within the first ten months of the Obama presidency, five cabinet secretaries and two cabinet level administrators appeared on the show. They were Secretary of Energy Stephen Chu, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebellius,Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood, Navy Secretary Ray Mabus, and EPA Administrator Lisa P. Jackson. On November 17, 2009 Vice President Joe Biden appeared on the show, making him the first sitting vice president to do so.[62]

Writers' strike

Due to the 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike, the show went on hiatus on November 5, 2007. Although the strike continued until February, 2008, the show returned to air on January 7, 2008, without its staff of writers. In solidarity with the writers, the show was referred to as A Daily Show with Jon Stewart rather than The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, until the end of the strike.[63] As a member of the Writers Guild of America, Stewart was barred from writing any material for the show himself which he or his writers would ordinarily write.[64] As a result, Stewart and the correspondents largely ad-libbed the show around preplanned topics.[65] In an effort to fill time while keeping to these restrictions, the show aired or re-aired some previously recorded segments, and Stewart engaged in a briefly recurring mock feud with fellow late-night hosts Stephen Colbert and Conan O'Brien.[66] The strike officially ended on February 12, 2008, with the show's writers returning to work the following day, at which point the title of The Daily Show was restored.[67]

Correspondents, contributors, and staff

Stewart with correspondents (from left to right) Samantha Bee, Aasif Mandvi, Jason Jones, John Oliver and Rob Riggle (2008)

The show's correspondents have two principal roles: experts with satirical senior titles that Stewart interviews about certain issues, or hosts of field reporting segments which often involve humorous commentary and interviews relating to a current issue. The current team of correspondents includes Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, John Oliver, Aasif Mandvi, and Wyatt Cenac. Contributors such as Lewis Black, John Hodgman, Larry Wilmore, Kristen Schaal and Josh Gad appear on a less frequent basis, often with their own unique recurring segment or character. Ben Karlin says that the on-air talent contribute in many ways to the material they perform, playing an integral role in the creation of their field pieces as well as being involved with their scripted studio segments, either taking part early on in the writing process or adding improvised material during the rehearsal.[29]

The show has featured a number of well-known comedians throughout its run and is notable for boosting the careers of several of these. Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion, describes it as a key launching pad for comedic talent, saying that "I don't know if there's a better show you could put on your resume right now."[68] Steve Carell, who was a correspondent between 1999 and 2005 before moving on to a movie career and starring television role in The Office, credits Stewart and The Daily Show with his success.[69] In 2005 the show's longest-serving correspondent, Stephen Colbert, became the host of the spin-off Colbert Report, earning critical and popular acclaim.[70] Ed Helms, a former correspondent from 2002 to 2006, also stars on NBC's The Office and was a main character in the 2009 hit The Hangover.[71]

As a news source

Television ratings show that the program generally has 1.45 to 1.6 million viewers nightly, a high figure for cable television.[72] In demographic terms, the viewership is skewed to a relatively young audience compared to traditional news shows. A 2004 Nielsen Media Research study commissioned by Comedy Central put the median age at 35. During the 2004 U.S. presidential election, the show received more male viewers in the 18-34 year old age demographic than Nightline, Meet the Press, Hannity & Colmes and all of the evening news broadcasts.[73] Because of this, commentators such as Howard Dean and Ted Koppel posit that Stewart serves as a real source of news for young people, regardless of his intentions.[74][75]

The show's writers reject the idea that The Daily Show has become a source of news for young people. Stewart argues that Americans are living in an "age of information osmosis" in which it is close to impossible to gain one's news from any single source, and says that his show succeeds comedically because the viewers already have some knowledge about current events. "Our show would not be valuable to people who didn't understand the news because it wouldn't make sense," he argues. "We make assumptions about your level of knowledge that... if we were your only source of news, you would just watch our show and think, 'I don't know what's happening.'"[76]

In late 2004, the National Annenberg Election Survey at the University of Pennsylvania ran a study of American television viewers and found that fans of The Daily Show had a more accurate idea of the facts behind the 2004 presidential election than most others, including those who primarily got their news through the national network evening newscasts and through reading newspapers.[77] However, in a 2004 campaign survey conducted by the Pew Research Center those who cited comedy shows such as The Daily Show as a source for news were among the least informed on campaign events and key aspects of the candidates' backgrounds while those who cited the Internet, National Public Radio, and news magazines were the most informed. Even when age and education were taken into account, the people who learned about the campaigns through the Internet were still found to be the most informed, while those who learned from comedy shows were the least informed.[78]

A more recent survey, released by the Pew Research Center on April 15, 2007, indicates that regular viewers of The Daily Show tend to be more knowledgeable about news than audiences of other news sources. Approximately 54% of The Daily Show viewers scored in the high knowledge range, followed by Jim Lehrer's program at 53% and Bill O'Reilly's program at 51%, significantly higher than the 34% of network morning show viewers. The survey shows that changing news formats have not made much difference on how much the public knows about national and international affairs, but adds that there is no clear connection between news formats and what audiences know.[79] The Project for Excellence in Journalism released a content analysis report suggesting that The Daily Show comes close to providing the complete daily news.[80]

A 2006 study published by Indiana University tried to compare the substantive amount of information of The Daily Show against prime time network news broadcasts, and concluded that when it comes to substance, there is little difference between The Daily Show and other news outlets. The study contended that, since both programs are more focused on the nature of "infotainment" and ratings than on the dissemination of information, both are broadly equal in terms of the amount of substantial news coverage they offer.[81]

As the lines between comedy show and news show have blurred, Jon Stewart has come under pressure in some circles to engage in more serious journalism. Tucker Carlson and Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead have chastised Stewart for criticizing politicians and newspeople in his solo segments and then, in interviews with the same people, rarely taking them to task face-to-face. Winstead has expressed a desire for Stewart to ask harder satirical questions, saying, "When you are interviewing a Richard Perle or a Kissinger, if you give them a pass, then you become what you are satirizing. You have a war criminal sitting on your couch—to just let him be a war criminal sitting on your couch means you are having to respect some kind of boundary."[82] She has argued that The Daily Show's success and access to the youth vote should allow Stewart to press political guests harder without fearing that they will not return to the show.[83] Stewart has said that he does not think of himself as a social or media critic and rejects the idea that he has any journalistic role as an interviewer.[84]

During Stewart's appearance on CNN's Crossfire, Stewart criticized that show and said that it was "hurting America" by sensationalizing debates and enabling political spin. When co-host Carlson argued that Stewart himself had not asked John Kerry substantial questions when Kerry appeared on The Daily Show, Stewart countered that it was not his job to give hard-hitting interviews and that a "fake news" comedy program should not be held to the same standards as real journalism. "You're on CNN!" Stewart said, "The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls! What is wrong with you?"[85] Media critic Dan Kennedy says that Stewart came off as disingenuous in this exchange because "you can't interview Bill Clinton, Richard Clarke, Bill O'Reilly, Bob Dole, etc., etc., and still say you're just a comedian."[83]

Another consequence of the show's increasing popularity and influence in certain demographics has been increased scrutiny of how the show affects the political beliefs and attitudes of its viewers. Michael Kalin has expressed concerns that Jon Stewart's comedy comes at the expense of idealism and encourages American college students to adopt a self-righteous attitude toward politics, rendering them complacent and apathetic, and deterring intelligent young people from considering political careers. "Stewart," Kalin argues, "leads to a 'holier than art [sic] thou' attitude [among students]...content to remain perched atop their Olympian ivory towers, these bright leaders head straight for the private sector."[86]

A 2004 study into the effect of The Daily Show on viewers' attitudes found that participants had a more negative opinion of both President Bush and then Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry. Participants also expressed more cynical views of the electoral system and news media.[87] However it is unclear whether the program truly increases cynicism or whether already cynical people are just more drawn to this type of satirical television program. Political scientists Jody Baumgartner and Jonathan Morris, who conducted the study, state that it is not clear how such cynicism would affect the political behavior of the show's viewers. While disillusionment and negative perceptions of the presidential candidates could discourage watchers from voting, Baumgartner and Morris say it is also possible that discontent could prompt greater involvement and that by following the show, viewers may potentially become more engaged and informed voters, with a broader political knowledge.[88]

Rachel Larris, who has also conducted an academic study of The Daily Show, disputes the findings of Baumgartner and Morris. Larris argues that the study measured cynicism in overly broad terms, and that it would be extremely hard to find a causal link between viewing The Daily Show and thinking or acting in a particular way.[89] Bloggers such as Marty Kaplan of The Huffington Post argue that so long as Stewart's comedy is grounded in truth, responsibility for increased cynicism belongs to the political and media figures themselves, not the comedian who satirizes them.[90]

Stewart himself says that he does not perceive his show as cynical. "It's so interesting to me that people talk about late-night comedy being cynical," he says. "What's more cynical than forming an ideological news network like Fox and calling it 'fair and balanced'? What we do, I almost think, is adorable in its idealism."[91] Stewart has said that he does not take any joy in the failings of American government, despite the comedic fodder they provide. "We're not the guys at the craps table betting against the line," he said on Larry King Live. "If government suddenly became inspiring...we would be the happiest people in the world to turn our attention to idiots like, you know, media people, no offense."[59]

In July 2009, Time Magazine held an online poll entitled "Now that Walter Cronkite has passed on, who is America's most trusted newscaster?"[92] Jon Stewart won with 44% of the vote, 15% ahead of Brian Williams in second place with 29%.[93] Stewart challenged those results on the show stating "It was an Internet poll and I was the 'None of the above' option".


Under host Jon Stewart, The Daily Show has risen to critical acclaim. It has received two Peabody Awards for its coverage of the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections respectively.[94] Between 2001 and 2009, it has been awarded thirteen Emmy Awards in the categories of Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series and Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program, and a further seven nominations. The show has also been honored by GLAAD, the Television Critics Association and the Satellite Awards. America (The Book), the 2004 bestseller written by Stewart and the writing staff of The Daily Show, was recognized by Publishers Weekly as its "Book of the Year", and its abridged audiobook edition received the 2005 Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album.[95]

Editions for various markets

The disclaimer displayed at the beginning of The Daily Show: Global Edition

The Daily Show airs on various networks worldwide; in addition, an edited version of the show called The Daily Show: Global Edition is produced specifically for overseas audiences. It has been airing outside of the U.S. on CNN International and other overseas networks since September, 2002.[96] This edition runs for half an hour and contains a selection of segments including one guest interview from the preceding week's shows, usually from the Monday and Tuesday episodes. Stewart provides an exclusive introductory monologue in front of an audience, usually about the week's prevalent international news story, and closing comments without an audience present.[97] When aired on CNN International, the broadcast is prefaced by the following announcement, which is also displayed in written form: "The show you are about to watch is a news parody. Its stories are not fact checked. Its reporters are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through."

Between 2001 and 2006, Westwood One broadcast small, 90-second portions of the show to many radio stations across America.[98]

In the United Kingdom, digital television channel More4 screens episodes of The Daily Show, Tuesday to Friday evenings at 8.30pm (UK time), with the Global Edition screened on Mondays in the same slot. This has been the case since More4's launch in October 2005. The episodes are one evening behind their US transmission (e.g. Monday's US show screens on More4 on Tuesday, and so forth). However, due to the time difference between the UK and the US, the delay between US and UK screening is 16 hours. More4 was the first international (non-US) broadcaster to syndicate carriage of entire Daily Show episodes. More4 may make edits to the programme due to content, language, timing or commercial references; however, the 'toss' to The Colbert Report is usually included even though More4 does not screen the spin-off (FX (UK) did screen Colbert for a time). In addition, the placement of commercial breaks in the UK version follows the UK format (one break midway through the show rather than several short breaks at various points) - More4 usually uses as its junction the mid-most US break-point. When More4 began screening the series, each night's Daily Show was initially rerun in a late overnight (early-next-morning) slot, but this is no longer the case; however, each show can be seen at 9.30pm nightly on timeshifted station More4+1. When The Daily Show is on hiatus, More4 screens either reruns of the show or alternative content. In 2009, More4's sister channel E4 began screening Daily Show-related series Important Things with Demetri Martin.

On Australian pay TV channel The Comedy Channel the show is aired at 6.30pm. Free-to-air digital channel ABC2 began airing the show (without commercial breaks) in March 2010 at 7:15pm; after airing episodes are available on the ABC iView online service.[99] Both channels air the show together with The Colbert Report, and both air the Global Edition on Mondays and the regular edition from Tuesdays to Fridays.

In Portugal it airs on SIC Radical and SIC Notícias, with no commercial breaks.

In Denmark the program airs at Danmarks Radio's channel, DR2, at around midnight, with no commercial breaks. Denmark airs both the regular and the international edition of the show.


The Colbert Report

A spin-off, The Colbert Report, was announced in early May 2005. The show stars former correspondent Stephen Colbert, and serves as Comedy Central's answer to the programs of media pundits such as Bill O'Reilly. Colbert, Stewart, and Ben Karlin developed the idea for the show based on a series of faux-television commercials that had been created for an earlier Daily Show segment. They pitched the concept to Comedy Central chief Doug Herzog, who agreed to run the show for eight weeks without first creating a pilot.[100] The Colbert Report first aired on October 17, 2005, and takes up the 11:30PM ET/PT slot following The Daily Show. Initial ratings satisfied Comedy Central and less than three weeks after its debut the show was renewed for a year.[101] The Colbert Report is produced by Jon Stewart's production company, Busboy Productions.

America (The Book)

America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction is a 2004 non-fiction book written by Jon Stewart and other writers of The Daily Show that parodies and satirizes American politics and worldview. It has won several awards, and generated some controversy.

See also


  1. ^,37469/
  2. ^ a b Wilson, Brad (2004-07-20). "Late-Night Leaning?". Fox News.,2933,126226,00.html. Retrieved 2007-06-09. 
  3. ^ a b Levin, Gary (2003-10-07). "Fans like their dose of 'Daily' news Stewart dishes some seriously funny stuff". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  4. ^ Staff writer (2006-09-25). "Drew Birns, Voiceover Artist". Backstage. Retrieved 2008-07-15. 
  5. ^ Humphrey, Steven (2006-06-08). "The Best Paintball Movie You'll See All Year!". The Portland Mercury. Retrieved 2008-07-09. 
  6. ^ Nguyen, Keneth (2004-01-22). "News Takes a Beating". The Age. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  7. ^ Staff writer (2007-08-20). "From Green Screen to Green Zone: 'Daily Show' Goes to Iraq -- for Real -- And Airs First Report". Editor & Publisher. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  8. ^ Bauder, David (2008-08-11). "Rob Riggle's off the hook in China". Miami Herald. Retrieved 2008-08-11. 
  9. ^ a b c d Plume, Ken (2003-08-11). "An Interview with Stephen Colbert". IGN. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  10. ^ a b Larris, Rachel (2005-05-02). "The Daily Show Effect: Humor, News, Knowledge and Viewers". Georgetown University. Retrieved 2008-08-22. 
  11. ^ a b Kurtz, Howard (2004-10-23). "The Campaign of a Comedian". The Washington Post. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  12. ^ Associated Press (2004-03-18). "Jon Stewart to remain at 'Daily Show'". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-08-13. 
  13. ^ Associated Press (2006-08-25). "'Daily Show' to take road trip to Ohio". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-08-13. 
  14. ^ CBC Arts (2007-08-05). "Comedic campaign stop: Presidential candidates hit The Daily Show". Retrieved 2008-08-13. 
  15. ^ Staff writer (2006-12-03). "Executive producer quits The Daily Show, Colbert Report". CBC News. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  16. ^ Dowd, Maureen (2006-10-31). "America's Anchors". Rolling Stone. Retrieved 2007-08-26. 
  17. ^ a b Kakutani, Michiko (2008-08-15). "The Most Trusted Man in America?". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-08-17. 
  18. ^ Agencies (2008-09-19). "Tony Blair faces Daily Show's smiling inquisition". The Independent. Retrieved 2008-11-18. 
  19. ^ Associated Press (2008-10-28). "Obama makes time again for ‘The Daily Show’". MSNBC. Retrieved 2008-11-18. 
  20. ^ "Comrades". The Daily Show. 2007-05-21.
  21. ^ a b Scott, A. O. (2004-10-31). "Caught Off Message". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  22. ^ Huff, Richard (1998-08-11). "Jon Stewart to Anchor 'Daily Show' Comedy Central Names Comic as Craig Kilborn's Replacement". New York Daily News. Retrieved 2008-07-31. 
  23. ^ Los Angeles Times (2005-09-10). "Colbert set for 'Daily Show' spinoff". Pittsburgh Tribune Review. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  24. ^ Stevens, Dana (2005-07-12). "Talk Show Feng Shui". Slate. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  25. ^ Susman, Gary (2005-07-20). "'Daily Show' scandal: That new set". Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  26. ^ Ebenkamp, Becky (2005-06-30). "The Biz: Food Net Unwraps Pop Secrets; Stewart's Sofa Sent to Suburbia". Brandweek. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  27. ^ Sandberg, Marian (2005-07-01). "Daily Dose". Live Design Online. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  28. ^ Sisario, Ben (2007-02-16). "Live From New York, It's Cold People Waiting in Line". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  29. ^ a b Karlin, Ben (2004-09-24). "Live Chat Transcript". Washington Post. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  30. ^ Lambert, Brian (1997-06-08). ""Daily Show" is Morning Drive Radio for TV". St. Paul Pioneer-Press. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  31. ^ Grimes, William (1997-02-09). "Wringing Laughs From the Real World". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-08-12. 
  32. ^ James, Caryn (1996-08-01). "A Parody Of Shows Covering Pop News". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  33. ^ Schillaci, Jack (1997-02-07). "Kilborn provides daily fun". The Michigan Daily. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  34. ^ Comedy Central (April 1998). The Daily Show: Five Questions. Andrews Mcmeel Publishing. ISBN 0-8362-5325-6. 
  35. ^ Beale, Lewis (1996-10-07). "A "Daily" Dose of Irreverance". New York Daily News. Retrieved 2008-08-12. 
  36. ^ Langley, William (2008-02-24). "If he pulls this off he deserves an Oscar". Telegraph. Retrieved 2008-07-09. 
  37. ^ Winstead, Lizz (2008-04-23). "Q&A With Daily Show Creator Lizz Winstead". Westword. Retrieved 2008-07-09. 
  38. ^ Thompson, Stephen (2003-01-22). "Interview: The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert, Rob Corddry, Ed Helms, and Mo Rocca". The A.V. Club. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  39. ^ MacGregor, Jeff (1998-08-23). "Television; Past Jonathan Swift To Linda Tripp (Yeah. Whatever.)". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  40. ^ C.J. (1998-02-08). "Winstead walks over crude quips". The Minneapolis Star-Tribune. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  41. ^ Carter, Bill (1997-12-17). "TV Notes; Comedy Host In Hot Water". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  42. ^ James, Caryn (1999-04-01). "Television Review; An Echo of 'Daily Show' on 'Late Late'". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  43. ^ Brownfield, Paul (1999-01-01). "For Stewart, it's funny how things turn out". The Baltimore Sun. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  44. ^ Carter, Bill (1998-12-16). "TV Notes; 'Late Late' Host Starts in March". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  45. ^ McConville, Jim (1999-01-25). "Jon Stewart: Building His Own House At Comedy Central". Electronic Media. Retrieved 2008-08-11. 
  46. ^ Jon Stewart 1991 SAST
  47. ^ Howard, Susan (1994). "Nighttime Talk, MTV Style". The Record. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  48. ^ Menconi, David (2006-11-04). "The fine print of truthiness". The News & Observer. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  49. ^ Leopold, Todd (2001-04-12). "They Might Be Giants: It's OK to call us whatever". CNN. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  50. ^ Gross, Terry (2005-01-20). "A Fake Newsman's Fake Newsman: Stephen Colbert". Fresh Air. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  51. ^ Schneider, Jacqueline (2003-05-06). "So What Do You Do, Stephen Colbert?". Media Bistro. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  52. ^ Flaherty, Mike (2009-01-20). "Stewart has real flair for fake news". Variety. Retrieved 2009-01-22. 
  53. ^ Goodman, Tim (2004-10-29). "Jon Stewart, seriously, here to stay". SFGate. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  54. ^ Levin, Gary (2003-10-06). "Stewart elects to skewer recall live on 'Daily Show'". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  55. ^ MICHAEL STARR (September 25, 2008). "JON'S GOT GAME". 
  56. ^ This beat the previous high of 3 million viewers, when the presidential candidate's wife Michelle Obama appeared on October 8, 2008. "Barack Obama gives Daily Show biggest ever audience". The Guardian. Retrieved 2008-11-01. 
  57. ^ Younge, Gary. "Such A Tease". Retrieved 2007-04-10. 
  58. ^ Berkowitz, Elana and Schiller, Amy. "Five Minutes With: Stephen Colbert". Retrieved 2007-06-06. 
  59. ^ a b King, Larry (2006-02-27). "Larry King Live Transcript: Interview With Jon Stewart". CNN. Retrieved 2008-07-12. 
  60. ^ The Daily Show (2007-03-13). "Withdrawal Method". Comedy Central. Retrieved 2008-08-22. 
  61. ^ ""The Ben Karlin Interview: Just Under Twenty Questions"". :: Diary. Retrieved 2007-06-09. 
  62. ^ Biden sits down with Stewart on 'The Daily Show'
  63. ^ "Introducing A Daily Show". The Daily Show. 2008-01-07.
  64. ^ "Daily Show to return in January". BBC. 2007-12-21. Retrieved 2008-02-01. 
  65. ^ Finn, Natalie (2007-12-20). "Daily Show, Colbert returning". E!. Retrieved 2008-02-01. 
  66. ^ Conan, Stewart, Colbert unite in TV feud. The Associated Press. Retrieved on 2008-02-05.
  67. ^ Stelter, Brian (2008-02-18). "Scripts Reappear on 'Daily Show'". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  68. ^ Gordon, Devin (2006-02-13). "Turning Fake News Into Real Careers". Newsweek. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  69. ^ Carell, Steve (2008-06-19). "Podcast: Stephen Colbert interviews Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway". Apple. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  70. ^ Coyle, Jake (2008-07-07). "Colbert's "Report" rapport still strong". The Seattle Times. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  71. ^ Gray, Brandon (2009-06-06). "Friday Report: ‘Hangover’ Wakes Up in First". Box Office Mojo. Retrieved 2009-06-26. 
  72. ^ "Jon Stewart's Nielsen Ratings Down 15 Percent; Colbert's Up 11 Percent". New York Magazine. January 2008. Retrieved 2008-03-23. 
  73. ^ "Young America's news source: Jon Stewart". 2004-03-02. Retrieved 2006-07-22. 
  74. ^ "Howard Dean interview". The Daily Show. 2005-06-23.
  75. ^ de Moraes, Lisa (2004-08-24). "Seriously: Kerry on Comedy Central". The Washington Post. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  76. ^ Jon Stewart. (2002). A Conversation with Jon Stewart. [Video]. Harvard Institute of Politics: Harvard University. 
  77. ^ National Annenberg Election Survey, "Daily Show viewers knowledgeable about presidential campaign, National Annenberg Election Survey shows". Archived from the original on 2005-03-08. , press release, September 21, 2004. PDF file.
  78. ^ "Cable and Internet Loom Large in Fragmented Political News Universe". Pew. Retrieved 2006-10-24. 
  79. ^ "Summary of Findings: Public Knowledge of Current Affairs Little Changed by News and Information Revolutions". Pew. April 2007. Retrieved 2007-08-15. 
  80. ^ Eggerton, John (2008-05-08). "PEJ: 'The Daily Show' Borders on News Show". Broadcasting & Cable. Retrieved 2008-05-08. 
  81. ^ Fox, Julia R., Koloen, Glory and Sahin, Volkan (2007-06-01). "No joke: a comparison of substance in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and broadcast network...". Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media. Retrieved 2008-08-21. 
  82. ^ "Taking Back the Dial". Mother Jones. 2004. Retrieved 2008-07-04. 
  83. ^ a b Cave, Damien (2004-10-24). "Jon Stewart Gets Serious: If You Interview Kissinger, Are You Still a Comedian?". New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  84. ^ "Transcript: Bill Moyers Interviews Jon Stewart". NOW with Bill Moyers. 2003-07-11. Retrieved 2008-07-06. 
  85. ^ "Jon Stewart's America". CNN. 2004-10-15. Retrieved 2008-07-05. 
  86. ^ Kalin, Michael (2006-03-03). "Why Jon Stewart Isn't Funny". Boston Globe. Retrieved 2006-07-09. 
  87. ^ Morin, Richard (2006-06-23). "Jon Stewart, Enemy of Democracy?". The Washington Post. Retrieved 2008-07-14. 
  88. ^ Ryals, Jimmy (2006-05-30). "Study focuses on the effect of The Daily Show satire". The Daily Reflector. Retrieved 2006-07-09. 
  89. ^ Larris, Rachel Joy (2006-06-24). ""The Daily Show" Cause And Effect". Retrieved 2008-08-12. 
  90. ^ McNamara, Melissa (2006-06-28). "Bloggers Laugh Over Jon Stewart Study". CBS News. Retrieved 2006-07-09. 
  91. ^ Rich, Frank (2003-04-20). "Jon Stewart's Perfect Pitch". The New York Times. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  92. ^ My Fox NY "Poll: Jon Stewart Most Trusted Newsman"
  93. ^ Time Magazine "Now that Walter Cronkite has passed on, who is America's most trusted newscaster?"
  94. ^ Segal, David (2005-05-17). "Anchors Comic And Serious Win Peabodys". The Washington Post. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  95. ^ "Awards for The Daily Show". IMdb. Retrieved 2008-07-13. 
  96. ^ Staff writer (2009-01-20). "Daily Show Moments That Mattered". Variety. Retrieved 2009-01-22. 
  97. ^ Petrozzello, Donna (2002-07-10). "Jon Stewart's Comedy is Going Global". New York Daily News. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  98. ^ Torpey-Kemph, Anne (2002-02-12). "Inside Media: News of the Market". Mediaweek. Retrieved 2008-10-31. 
  99. ^ ABC2 gives you the news you'll want to choose - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Official ABC TV blog
  100. ^ Levin, Gary (2005-10-13). "First 'Stewart', Now 'Colbert'". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 
  101. ^ Speight, Kimberly (2005-11-03). "Comedy Central Extends 'Colbert Report'". USA Today. Retrieved 2008-07-08. 

Further reading

External links


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is a Comedy Central satirical "fake" news program adapting from the likes of SNL's Weekend Update..

When news breaks, we fix it. taglines.


Jon Stewart

  • Thanks for that "Merry Christmas," Bill. And let me say to you, and the entire O'Reilly clan...Feliz Navidad. Though I'm betting you think that's becoming too prevalent in this country as well.
  • You know what, it's okay. If Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, he needs to feel persecuted, you know what, here's my Kwanzaa gift to him: [a Christmas-themed holly border appears on the screen] I'm your enemy; make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot and Commie Jizzporium.
    • December 7, 2005, after Bill O'Reilly described Stewart as the enemy of Christmas.
  • If, God forbid, some coordinated terrorist attack leads to the deaths of the first seven people in line to succeed the President—the Vice President, Speaker of the House, the President pro tem of the Senate, the Secretaries of State, Treasury, and Defense, and the Attorney General—if, God forbid, that were to happen, would you really want the guy who took over to be the one who was in charge of their security? And that's tonight's "Nnnggehhh...!"
    • July 15, 2003, on a motion to move the Secretary of Homeland Security to eighth on the presidential line of succession.
  • I want you to know, after this, the senator and I are going to Hooters to get completely hammered.
    • After a mildly uncomfortable interview about the War in Iraq with Senator John McCain.
  • Six, six, oh six... Day of the devil? Or regular numerical sequence?! [thunder claps and lightening flashes ominously]
    Here's the thing about all the hype on the news and the marketing tie-ins, etc.: it's not 6/6/6, it's 6/6/06. It's not even 6/6/06, it's 6/06/2006. You think God's gonna send the Four Horsemen based on a typo?! It's not happening. Forty years ago was 6/6/66, then you might have had something right there. That would've been the time. The only it was really 6/6/6 was June 6 in the year 6, which, at the time, wasn't even called 6. All I'm saying is if you think we're all going to Hell today, I can't even imagine where you think we're going on July 11th. Yes, yes, it is prophesied in the Book of Leviticus that the beefs shall be jerkied and the gulps shall be big.
    • June 6, 2006
  • So, to sum up, it'll take two thirds of both houses and three quarters of the states to approve an amendment saying that two straight parents are better than one straight parent, which is still better than two gay parents, which is equal to a guy screwing a turtle.
    • On Rick Santorum's comparison of sodomy to a man having sex with a turtle.
  • That look is where boners go to die.
  • Jake Gyllallen … Gillenen … Gillally … tripped on one of his syllables and broke his coccyx.
    • Regarding Jake Gyllenhaal's last-minute cancellation on a Daily Show interview.
  • With the situation in Iraq growing ever more dangerous, the thirty-four-member Coalition of The Willing are, one by one, dropping out to join the other coalition known as Most of The Rest of The World.
  • After going to war against the UN's expressed wishes, the US is now admitting it needs the UN's help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2am phone call every parent dreads: Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.
  • Russia held its parliamentary elections last week. The result: it decided to go with a dictatorship.
  • The judgment marks a key victory for the recording industry, in its aggressive battle against poor high school students and fun.
    • Regarding the lawsuit against Napster.
  • This is what happens when you take away Napster.
    • Regarding an increase in college crime rates.
  • Why does listening to John Ashcroft make me feel like the world's already ended? I mean, if we're gonna be warned about terrorism, can we be warned by someone who makes you want to survive?
  • Someone asked me if I bought duct tape. And I said no. Because if I buy duct tape, the terrorists win.
  • Do you really think they have chemical weapons stronger than living next to New Jersey?
  • Right now, I feel like the whole world is looking at us funny, like our Constitution makes us look fat.
  • Don't you see the problem our country is having? I'm making sense and the President isn't.
  • As the footage of what's going on in Iraq captures everybody's attention, one question naturally leaps to mind: How's the market doing?
  • I think that, out of all the ways to protest, that is the bravest. Lying down on a New York City street. Because people will run over you and not even think twice.
  • A humble and gracious host. America. Don't make us bomb you.
  • The Saddam statue was pulled down in Baghdad. Clearly, it was a great moment. Jubilant crowd, very heart-warming to see this. There's a lot of work to be done yet, but amongst all that joy, I think we all need to pause and remember something. Somewhere in Iraq is a sculptor who worked very hard on that statue.
  • Although ABC owned the rights to the debate, they did not televise it live, choosing instead to let it air on C-SPAN last night. Meaning not only did nobody watch it, the Democrats alienated the five people who were tuned in hoping to see the cleaning of the House of Commons.
  • Joe Lieberman. The candidate for people who wanna vote for Bush but don't think he's Jewish enough.
  • Honestly, if a disaster occurs and your first instinct is to call the White House, the disaster is the least of your problems.
  • Yesterday, the President met with a group he calls "the coalition of the willing", and everyone else calls England and Spain.
  • No matter what side of the political spectrum you are on, if you are incapable of feeling at least a tiny amount of joy at watching ordinary Iraqis celebrate this, you are lost to the ideological left. And let me also add if you are incapable of feeling badly that we even had to use force in the first place, you are ideologically lost to the right. And I would implore both of those groups to leave the room now.
    • On the U.S. overthrow of Saddam Hussein.
  • It's as though there's only two positions you can have: You're either for the war or against the troops.
    • On U.S. involvement in Iraq.
  • The official CIA report, the Duelfer Report, has come out. The one that they've been working on for the past two years that will be the definitive answer on the weapons of mass destruction programs in Iraq, and it turns out, uh, not so much. Apparently, there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and their capabilities had been degraded, and they pretty much stopped trying anything in '98. Both the president and the vice president have come out today in response to the findings and said that they clearly justify the invasion of Iraq. So, uh, some people look at a glass and see it as half full, and other people look at a glass and say that it's a dragon.
  • Across the nation, thousands of people are lining up in hospital waiting rooms, out the doors, down the steps, around the corners, and behind the hedges, waiting for their inoculations. Here's another idea for avoiding the flu: Don't stand outside in the cold for hours around lots of other people.
  • Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
  • Ralph Nader chose the man with whom to share the responsibility of running a distant third, California activist Peter Camejo. You may remember that Camejo ran for president in 1976 on the Socialist Workers Party ticket. Actually, you might only remember that if you run a lesbian vegetarian bookstore.
  • France, c'mon girl, don't be an invader hater.
  • After a long investigation the SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for issuing fraudulent statements exaggerating their profits in 1998 and 1999 during which their CEO was — oh who was it? Oh that's right. ... Cheney himself has not been implicated in the scandal and according to Cheney's lawyer there is no allegation whatsoever that he acted in any way other than in the best interests of the company and its shareholders. And you know what? It's still true today.
  • Dude, I'm no lawyer, but you gotta invoke something: the Fifth Amendment, executive privilege, writ of douchebaggery, something...
    • On John Ashcroft refusing to turn over an important memo to a Congressional committee without invoking anything.
  • Values like burning as much gas as you can so you can drive around an oval for hours.
    • On President Bush's speech on NASCAR's promotion of values.
  • Last night, the Republican faithful were angry. After four years of being in charge of the House, Senate, Supreme Court and Executive branch, they were not gonna take it anymore. Yeah! Down with the people who are already down!
    • On the 2004 GOP convention.
  • It is a powerful indictment. Or rather, it would be had any of those guys actually served on Kerry's boat. See, by "served with him", they mean they were in Vietnam at the time. Kinda the same way the Snoopy served with the Red Baron.
    • On the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth, who had attacked Kerry's military service record.
  • Despite reports that John Kerry was wounded three times in Vietnam, it was revealed today that he was only wounded twice. So in other words, he's a pussy.
  • So let me get this straight, you control the White House, both Houses of Congress, and the Supreme Court, and your administration has closer ties to the energy industry than any administration in history, and those two blockheads stopped you?
    • On Dick Cheney blaming the defeat of an energy bill on the absence of Kerry and Edwards to vote on it.
  • We begin tonight with a simple, indisputable fact: as a young man, President George W. Bush benefited from family connections to get a place in the Texas Air National Guard, thus avoiding service in Vietnam. As you would guess, this has led to calls for the resignation of Dan Rather.
  • On a personal note, I'm a comedian who makes fun of what I believe to be the absurdities of our government. Make my life difficult. Make this next four years really shitty for me, so that every morning all we can do is come in and go, Madonna is doing some Kaballah thing, you wanna do that? I'd like that. I'm tired.
    • Speaking to his audience in just prior to the 2004 presidential election.
  • So if you were wondering just how sick you have to be for Congress to improve your health care...
  • It should be mentioned that the only other people the US has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam and his two sons.
  • You've probably heard the news, unless you were in a hole, in which case, you were probably the guy we caught.
    • On the capture of Saddam Hussein.
  • Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean came as a surprise to nobody, except Gore's former running mate, Joe Lieberman. He found it pretty damn surprising.
  • Today is the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers' flight at Kitty Hawk. Today, they tried to do a re-creation of that historic flight... and it didn't work. That's like doing a Civil War reenactment and having the South win.
  • Yesterday the White House unveiled a plan to deal with terrorist attacks on Election Day. It's part of a program where the President, under certain circumstances, could declare himself Caesar.
  • First, secular Jews don't control Hollywood. Overrepresentation in Hollywood is not the same as control; if secular Jews controlled it, I'd be on a network and Leno, Letterman, and O'Brien would be on the Animal Planet - you understand what I'm saying? Second, Hollywood doesn't like anal sex. It loves anal sex. I'm telling you, you cannot go to a restaurant there without getting sodomized. And might I add: they know what they're doing.
    • In response to the president of the Catholic League's statement that Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews and "likes anal sex".
  • The new Airbus plane, the A380, is capable of holding 800 passengers. Or, 400 Americans.
  • Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
  • There is near-universal consensus that the melting is due to global warming, though the Bush administration counters that the ice caps are not melting; rather, the water has been liberated.
  • After the game, a jubilant striker Cobi Jones took his shirt off in celebration. Not to be outdone, defender Frankie Hejduk took his shirt off! Then these guys took their shirts off, and then these guys did this...
[A picture of the players embracing, one "higher" than the other, appears on screen, spurring laughs from the audience]
Uh, I, uh...I don't know what to say! Extended coverage of the game will be presented later on a very special Daily Show: After Dark!
[Sexy music begins to play]
Oh...oh yeah, soccer: the world's game. [under his breath] Uh, I had to do that.
  • According to a recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, overweight Americans - seen here from the neck down so they don't sue us - are growing in number, so much so that eating too much food will soon surpass smoking as the number one preventable cause of death in America... ironically the number three preventable cause of death... smoked food. [pause] DAMN YOU, CANADIAN BACON!
  • Jon Stewart: ...I believe at this point you all know the rules...
    (video of a Democratic presidential candidates' debate)
    Voice: ...and if the answer should go over the candidates and all of us will hear a (bell rings) sound.
    Stewart: (back to him now) All right, clear Peter Jennings, why don't you begin?
    Peter Jennings (in video): I'm going to start by naming Senator Kerry. Senator, Democrats everywhere tell us that they want to nominate a man that will not be beaten by President Bush...
    (bell rings, video goes to a listening Kerry while Jennings continues to talk as more bells ring from seemingly nowhere)
    (Jennings continues to ask, the bell rings even further...then joined by an airhorn, then both together. Return to Stewart, and he's ringing the bell and sounding the airhorn)
    Stewart: (annoyed) Let him fuckin' answer the question!
    (continues to ring the bell and sound the horn)
    Stewart: ...for God's sake!
  • [Regarding a CNN anchor's unwillingness to challenge a guest who used phony statistics to prove a point.]
    Why don't you call them on their bullshit?! You're an anchor for fuck's sake!
  • [In a heated discussion with Bill Bennett concerning gay marriage]
    Divorce is not caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
  • (after listening to a politician allude that murder is only hypothetically illegal)
    Jon: Murder is LEGAL?!... Excuse me a minute.
    (leaves the studio, with the camera following)
    Jon: Hobo, hobo, gotta find me a hobo!
    (later, after beating up a hobo and then hearing someone off-screen shout to him that murder is, in fact, illegal, and then returning to the studio, breathing heavily)
    Jon: ...I sure hope nobody was videotaping that.
  • ...Because at this moment, I'm declaring April 25th, fuck the earth day!
  • If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
  • Seriously, the House of Representatives is full of insane jackasses.
  • However, for the record, The Daily Show has absolutely no affiliation with the North American Man/Boy Love Association... or, as it's called, UNICEF.
  • [about North Korea testing a nuclear bomb] It sparked the kind of panic usually reserved for taking two ounces of hand sanitizer on a flight to Ottawa.
  • [to guest Reza Azlan] How fucked would you say the situation in the Middle East is, on a scale from "fucked" to "fuuuuuuuuuucked"?
  • [on Congressman Virgil Goode's comment that "the Virgil Goode position on immigration" would keep Muslims from controlling Congress]
    For those of you unfamiliar with the Virgil Goode Position, in the Kama Sutra it's where a man masturbates while his head is up his own ass.
  • (After Jon serves tea and Twinkies to President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan)
    Jon: How is the tea? Good?
    Musharraf: Oh, yes. (nods and begins to take another sip)
    Jon: (in mid-sip) Where's Osama Bin Laden?
  • Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
  • In their bathrobes! Gambling in their bathrobes! Yes, because casinos have such high standards. Ever been to a casino? You can play naked if you want. You can masturbate at the roulette table. Just keep giving them money.
    • July 12, 2006, in response to a senator's criticism that people can gamble online in their bathrobes.
  • Speculation: news you can use, eventually.
  • This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it.... Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us — it's the circle of life.
  • The Bushes hosted their predecessors at the White House yesterday, for the official unveiling of Bill and Hillary Clinton's White House portraits. The occasion moved the current commander in chief to a rare show of gracious bipartisanship.... Bush then handed the mic over to Clinton. It's been a long time since this skilled orator spoke in the White House. I'm sure he's got some profound words to share.... [clip of Clinton: 'All those kind and generous you said, made me feel like I was a pickle stepping into history.'] ... Uhhh, I don't get that at all. As a matter of fact, if I remember correctly, your pickle's already stepped into history.
  • I guess the people I feel worst for are Carter and Ford. Because they have to be watching all this thinking, we're not getting that.
    • On media coverage of Ronald Reagan's death.
  • There is good news tonight for Ahmed Chalabi. It turns out that all along he was providing accurate, truthful, helpful information. Unfortunately, it was to Iran.
  • If you're keeping score at home, so far our war in Iraq has created a police state in that country and socialism in Spain. So, no democracies yet, but we're really getting close.
  • Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Dick Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding.
    • On Bush's proposal for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.
  • The White House released documents it claims validate the President's (National Guard) service.... When deciphered, the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None.
  • Throughout his life, General Wesley Clark has stood up to some tough opponents. He battled the Viet Cong and went toe-to-toe with Slobodan Milosevic. But today the retired four-star general capitulated to the fiercest enemy he's ever confronted: the American voter.
  • If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance, it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. [Bush:] "I'm a war president." [Stewart:] He added: "I guess I should have told you that back in 2000."
  • During his trip, Wolfowitz took a positive view of the peril he put the troops in, noting 'The more successful we are, the more we can expect them to go after those things that represent success.' Does this guy know how to motivate the troops or what? Apparently the best way to measure our accomplishments is to witness the destruction of our accomplishments.
    • On Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz's trip to Iraq.
  • Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush Senior as Chairman of the Council on Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
  • Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.
  • If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American — our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
  • [President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: "My answer is bring 'em on." For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you: he's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.
  • Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the President's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go.
  • Over the last several weeks, several of TV's so-called armchair generals, of which there are many, along with many of the Army's so-called real generals, have been openly critical of the U.S. military planning. Donald Rumsfeld's frustration with these critics boiled over at a press conference earlier this week. Rumsfeld said the only way you're going to be able to get people to believe something is true is if you print it up two million times and drop it from airplanes.
  • Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had a press conference at the Pentagon. If you listen to him speak, it really makes you wonder what the fuck he's thinking. [Shows clip of Rumsfeld threatening to hold Syria and Iran accountable for hostile acts against the U.S.] Do you see what he just did there? We're in the middle of a war, and he's starting another war. We're already fighting Iraq and he's like, 'Syria, you want a piece?' ...There is nothing like a cantankerous old man who takes a hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn approach to foreign policy. The guy's literally just like a drunk swinging a broken bottle at people. 'Hey, Netherlands, you looking at me?'
  • In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it, a freedom hole.
  • Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army: when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
  • President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported [him] by voting for Nader.
  • Some would argue that the president himself benefited from a form of affirmative action because, as a C student, he only got into Yale because his father was a wealthy alumnus. But the White House counters that Saddam is a menace and must be stopped.
  • Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.
  • Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only one nagging question: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?
  • We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext for invading Iraq. There's just one problem — it's in North Korea.
  • President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82 percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.
  • As time goes on it has become apparent that President Bush has developed a sophisticated exit strategy...for getting out of questions about an exit strategy.
  • [George W. Bush video overlay:] Ambassador Randy Tobias, who is the U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator, and has done a heck of a job. [Stewart:] Where have we heard that before? [Bush:] Brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job. [Stewart:] Oh my God, we've all got AIDS!
  • President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth millions of dollars to average Americans. Well, average stock-owning Americans. Technically, Americans who own a significant amount of shares in dividend-dealing companies. Well, rich people, that's what I'm trying to say. They're going to do really well with this.
  • Analysis of President Bush's tax plan has revealed that several elaborate tricks and gimmicks were used to make it look like a $1.35 trillion cut, but in reality it's going to be closer to costing $1.8 trillion. Critics claim it's math so fuzzy, you have to squint to see our nation's future of subsistence farming and post-apocalyptic roving motorcycle gangs.
  • The final margin in the state of Florida: 5 votes to 4 votes. The thing about that, it's an 11 percent victory margin for George W. Bush ... but it looks like one of the most surprising things about this Florida vote is that George W. Bush got 100 percent of the African-American vote.
    • On the U.S. Supreme Court ruling in Bush v. Gore, with Justice Clarence Thomas voting with the majority.
  • The two candidates were said to have spent the evening poring over the complex and detailed Supreme Court ruling. But whereas Gore was poring over it with his eyes and mind, Bush was pouring a glass of juice over it because, quote, "I don't want to finish my juice."
  • The George W. Bush era begins. Ralph Nader says, "Stop looking at me like that."
  • [Bush video overlay:] I was not elected to serve one party [Stewart:] You were not elected.
  • '[Bush video overlay:] I have something else to ask you, to ask every American. I ask you to pray for this great nation. [Stewart:] We're way ahead of you.
  • It is right now 10:04 on the East Coast. We are here at Prelude to a Recount. We are seeing record turnout across the nation on this election day, certainly a momentous occasion. The closest election that we have seen in ... about four years, quite frankly. It's pretty much the same thing as last time.... Except this time the world is watching, and, quite frankly, in Iraq tonight they're going, you invaded us to bring us this?
  • Now, on the subject of the convention, most observers agreed last week brought a newly energized Democratic Party, one focused on a common goal. With the party now in the spotlight, many people are wondering ... [a pause, as he is handed a piece of paper] Oh. Terror warning. Guess I'll have to stop talking about the Democrats.
  • Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge made that critical leap from 'be afraid' to 'be very afraid,' raising the terrorist threat level to orange for financial sectors in New York, Washington, D.C., and northern New Jersey.... Ridge's announcement comes amidst reports he will step down as head of Homeland Security after the election. Ridge himself has refused to comment on the story, though colleagues say he has often expressed a desire to spend more time at home, scaring his family.
  • And the big convention kickoff. Monday's theme: 'The Kerry-Edwards plan for America's future.' It was a powerful message lacking only Kerry, Edwards, and a plan for America's future. In its stead: dance party!
  • In what will have to pass as the convention's biggest surprise, Ron Reagan, Jr., son of the recently sainted Republican president, will address the convention on the subject of stem cell research. The Republican attack machine has already countered by announcing their convention's keynote address will be delivered by Roger Clinton on the subject of, 'I Thought You Said There'd Be Girls Here.'
  • The prisoner scandal is yet another election-year problem for President Bush. And with the economy still struggling, combat operations in Iraq dragging on, and the 9/11 hearings revealing damning information, even an opponent of limited political skill should be able to capitalize on those problems. The Democrats, however, chose to nominate John Kerry.
  • Insiders have begun voicing serious concerns about how he's conducting his campaign. One aide told the New York Times that while Bush's message of 'steady leadership' has remained consistent, Kerry has gone through six different messages in the 18 months he's been running, including, at one particularly desperate juncture, 'Kerry: Health care jobs for the troops' environment.'
  • Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?
  • GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who — as we all know — before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis.
  • The issue of Kerry's military service has spawned a number of recent news-like events which have led to Republican charges the decorated war hero has something to hide. Because if there is one thing the Bush administration will not tolerate, it is ... other people's secrecy.
  • If there's one thing we learned from our last presidential election, it's that democracy is far too important to rely on an outdated, error-prone system like punchcard ballots. So, as we gear up for the 2004 vote, many communities have moved on to electronic voting — a far more high-tech, error-prone system.
  • Of course, it is still eight months to election day, but the campaign is starting to fall into its own natural rhythm: falsely macho Kerry comment, falsely indignant Bush response.
  • If Howard Dean is still limping along, other campaigns have collapsed, with the last sign of Joementum fading. Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman, who was banking everything on, and I kid you not, a strong showing in Delaware, took last night's 0-7 performance as a sign that the game was finally over.
  • In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in.
  • When did our elections become the Special Olympics? You're not all winners. Not everyone gets a hug. You guys got crushed.
    • On the exuberant losers of the New Hampshire primary.
  • We have to tape this show around 6 o'clock, 6:30, so we're not positive of the exact results, but I really can confidently predict the following: today, voters in seven states, from North Dakota to New Mexico, humored Joe Lieberman, ignored Dennis Kucinich, reminisced about Howard Dean, and admired Clark's hustle, but still found him too creepy.
  • Elsewhere in New Hampshire, Senator Joe Lieberman withered today and remained optimistic till the end.... He then snapped, "Shut up, Hadassah, you're ruining my Joementum."
  • Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation is reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute, and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.'
  • Last night we had Carol Moseley Braun on the program. She's explaining to me why she should be the next president of the United States. I get home that night, check the Internet, and she dropped out of the race.... My guess is this whole presidential run was a ruse to get on this program. Gore did the same thing.
  • Spain's new Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero announced he will soon call back Spain's 1,300 troops from Iraq — meaning the Coalition of the Willing is fast turning into a Duet of the Stubborn.
  • Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the Coalition of the Willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
  • There was a lot of confusion over whether a new Pope had yet been elected [clips of news broadcasts, comments on the smoke from the chimney]. What is their job? Are they literally just sitting there, drunk in their pajamas, "Let's see what CNN's got." [pause] That's my job! But seriously, there's gotta be a better way of indicating that they've decided [clip from Mary Poppins: the chimney-sweeps dancing amongst the chimneys, singing, etc.].
  • Everytime someone says 'Happy Holidays', an angel gets AIDS.
  • You know if I had a nickel for everytime Bush has brought up 9-11...I could raise enough reward money to go catch Bin Laden!
  • 9/11 references are like Lay's potato Congress can make just one.
  • You know, I hear what you're all saying, but doesn't elite mean good? Is that not something we're looking for in a President anymore? You know what candidates, come with me. I know that elite is a "bad word" in politics, and you want to go bowling and "throw back" a few beers, but the job you're applying for, if you get it and it goes well, THEY MIGHT CARVE YOUR HEAD INTO A MOUNTAIN. If you don't actually think you're better than us, then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
  • They say that some leaders are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them, and then there's this guy. [cuts to video of George Bush] Who couldn't buy great at a great store that was going out of business and had to get rid of all their great.
  • For those of you who are confused as to whether or not you're a real American, it's quite simple. Let me see if I can help you out. [pulls out a dry-erase board and writes the following equation] Just multiply your town's population (P) by the average price of a local cup of coffee (picture of coffee cup), plus its number of art-house movie theaters (house), times the number of streets named after Martin Luther King, Jr. (MLK); then divide by the number of pieces of identification you need to buy Sudafed in your town (pill), times the number of people who wear trucker hats in your town minus the actual number of truckers (trucker hat), multiply that by 1 over the houses of worship—not counting synagogues, of course (cross)—minus the number of bars in your town. That's supposed to be a bottle. If the answer equals less than 10, congratulations, odds are very good that you're a real American.
    • On Sarah Palin's comments on how small towns are "real America"
  • I kinda had just read the statement that Sarah Palin had made about the Pro-America parts of the country and I think I might have said, in response to that, I think I might have said, uhh, FUCK YOU and uhh that's just my way of saying it's a profanity to say and I was answering with a profanity. But it's not really fair, and it makes it seem like I'm just addressing Governor Palin about this and I'm not. It's really this whole theme, that there is more American areas or some people love the country and some people don't. So I guess what I meant to say was Fuck all y'all!
  • Named the Nutmeg state because, while it is nice to have, it is clearly never essential.
    • On Connecticut.
  • If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values, they're hobbies.
    • Commenting on Bill O'Reilly's words, "I didn't like the line in the speech about 'We don't have to compromise our values to protect ourselves.' I think sometimes we do."
  • "You know what I love about you? You're fucking insane!"
    • To astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  • Please stop calling people "Hitler" when you disagree with them. It demeans you, it demeans your opponent, and, to be honest, it demeans Hitler. That guy worked too many years, too hard, to be that evil, to have any Tom, Dick, and Harry come along and say, "hey, you're bein' Hitler." No, you know who was Hitler? Hitler!
  • [after a news anchor announces that half the population of Yemen is under 15] Have we thought about deploying Hannah Montana?

Stephen Colbert

See also: The Colbert Report

  • It used to be that our elected officials were veterans of World War II, Vietnam, or the Civil Rights Movement. But with the election of Jesse Ventura in Minnesota and Arnold Schwarzenegger in California, I foresee a day when all our leaders will come from the movie Predator. Think about it. Governor Carl Weathers. No wait: Senator Predator. I bet he has some pretty interesting things to say about tort reform.
  • Well, Jon, The great jousting tournament that is Election Day draws nigh, the prize the building you see behind me, Castle Congress. But what side shall prevail in this epic electoral tilt? Who shall control the future of Fortress America? Will we be, as the Republicans desire, a nation of wealthy heavily armed white men, befouling the air and water in a ceaseless quest for profits, beholden to no laws but those of our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Or shall we instead embrace the Democrats' vision of a namby-pamby quasi-Socialist Republic with an all-homosexual army flamboyantly defending a citizenry suckling at the foul teat of government welfare? The choice is yours, fair maiden America, for the name of this feudal system is Democracy.
  • What kind of madman refuses to produce evidence that he doesn't have what he said he didn't? Saddam had to be taken out or who knows what else he might not have done? It's imaginable.
  • What really excites me about this revelation is that it lowers the standard for the next invasion. Before, the standard was imminent danger. Now the standard is "What are you lookin' at? You lookin' at me? 'Cause my friend says you're lookin' at me and there's nobody else here so I guess you're looking at me!"
  • Colbert's segment "So You're Living In A Police State," a lampoon on the Patriot Act, opens with a slightly bird's-eye-view of Colbert entering his bathroom, as he whistles nonchalantly and urinates. He then turns to the camera in surprise.
    Oh, hi! I didn't see you there in the sprinkler head!
  • Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
  • Sounds like you need...a truth injection.
  • Where I say whatever's on my mind...and a few things that aren't.
  • Look, nobody I know has ever been killed by a bad could it be? (presses a button on the phone) Chicago!
  • Stephen Colbert: Senator Kerry, you have sixty seconds.
    Sen. John Kerry: Well any vote that...
    Colbert (cuts in): Monkey!
    (the old clip of a monkey washing a cat is shown as Kerry talks)
  • That is a childish argument and people like you need to grow up. Oh, what are you going to do now, cry?
    • Said to a toddler in a "commercial" for the then-fictitious Colbert Report.
  • ...or did I just blow your mind?.
  • "Where was I going to find a Jew at a Democratic Convention?"
  • [After Geraldo Rivera and Bill O'Reilly criticised the show] "What are you implying Jon? That O’Reilly and Geraldo are narcissists enthralled in their own overblown egos - projecting their own petty insecurities on to the world around them, inventing false enemies for the sole purpose of bolstering their sense of self-importance, itty bitty Nixons minus the relevance or a hint of vision? How dare you?!"
  • [screaming at Steve Carell in an "Even Stephen" segment] I hate you! I hate who you are and what you do and how you sound and what you say! You're like a cancer on my life! God!
  • [refering to soccer] It is the metric system of sports. We don’t need it, we don’t want it and, you know what? It kind of creeps me out
  • Threat, Jon? Threat? Tread carefully, newsman, lest your impudence embroil you in the coming battle tide. For the day is nigh when the armies of Rove shall come alive to claim their due. For lo! it has been foretold that the son of the forty-first king shall himself twice be crowned! The treasuries will be emptied! The ads unleashed! And the blue states will run red with the hundred million dollars of hellfire and retribution!
  • I was subpoenaed, Jon, but I pled the sixth. That threw them for a loop.
  • We won. Rebuilding is for losers. Time to party. And then it's off to Syria for the next invasion.
  • Far out, Steve! Groovy point, man, you're blowing my mind! Face it! You and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind grandma's oxygen tanks. The real reason you're pushing pro-pot legislation is so you can suck on a Thai-stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe!
  • So like a 'take no prisoners, pussy'?

Samantha Bee

  • Just because something happens in nature doesn't make it natural.
  • ... The choreography was much gayer.
  • Yes, with its tolerant society, low crime rate, and free health care, Canada is a hell on earth for conservatives.
  • But does America really need more cultural sophisticates? (speaking of NASCAR fans)
  • Well, it's December, and while you can tell yourself this season's all about "the Holidays," you'd just be being a p.c. douchebag.
  • Mmmm, I would love to shove an African guy.
  • While you're in Sweden -- and you should go -- this time of year's a must for crippling depression fans.
  • Christmas: it's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.
  • But aren't some kids so deliciously weird that they're asking [to be bullied]?
  • Excuse me, sir, I'm having trouble locating my square dancing club meeting? Can you help me? Also, my glasses fell out of my fanny pack, and I can't find my asthma inhaler, and I feel an attack of my allergies coming on. I'm allergic to wheat, sugar, bumblebees, milk, wool, cotton, polyblends, pony hair, oatmeal, soap, sunshine. I should probably also mention that I'm a virgin and a bedwetter.
  • Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy, ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.
  • Just remember: bullies are a lot more afraid of you than you are of them ... wait, no, that's snakes.
  • Kids sure are pussies these days.
  • Can I legally say "if you like pussies, vote for George Bush"?
  • So I can call the president a pussy, I just can't say...don't vote for him.
  • What about John Kerry went to Vietnam, but he went for the whores and the drugs?
  • It occurs to me that nobody's focused on the Kerry girls and the Bush can I attack them?...Who's more attackable, Alexandra Kerry and that see-through number, or those slutty Bush twins?
  • Samantha Bee: You've got an assload of cash and I'm gonna need some of it.
    Richard Branson, founder of Virgin conglomerate: Well, you still haven't explained where this money is going?
    Bee: Why are you so stingy? I thought you were like Soros but with the sex swing and the hot tubs!
    Branson: Uh...well, I certainly like hot tubs.
    Bee: I'm walking out of here with a sack of cash.
  • Samantha Bee (voiceover): We've heard their words...but let's look at the facts: George W. Bush once molested my grandma, while John Kerry held her down with bags of money provided by gay French Jews. On November 2, tell George W. Bush and John Kerry you support writing a check to "Americans for 527 Ads"!
    Bee's "grandma": Don't let them do it again!
    Bee: I'm Samantha Bee, and I approved this campaign finance loophole.
  • Carla Wolper, MD: Americans are the fattest they've ever been.
    Samantha Bee: Are we the fattest nation in the world?
    Wolper: We are.
    Bee: AWESOME! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WHOOHOO! High five! Whoo! Yes!
  • So tonight when you're putting your kids to bed, hold them in your arms and tell them to chew as little as possible...for America.
  • [noting that the 2004 Republican National Convention and the counter culture's Burning Man Festival are being held the same week] "And if you're torn as to which of these two events to attend, we have one piece of advice for you - you don't exist."
  • [on whether or not the Daily Show influenced the 2004 midterm elections] Absolutely not. I really don't. There may be some people who would argue that point, but honestly, I'm just going out there trying to get people to say stupid shit.
  • [in response to John McCain's use of air quotes with regards to women's health in the third presidential debate] Thank you, John McCain, for finally exposing the seedy underbelly of the women’s "health" scam… Let’s face it: women loooove abortions, and will do anything to get one – the later the better. "Hemorrhages," "severe uterine infections," "dying," blah blah blah blah. And while we’re at it, enough with the whining about “rape,” “incest,” and "incest rape." We’re on to you, ladies. Those aren’t the golden ticket to the Abortion Factory, okay?

Listen, John McCain has finally put the concerns of women where they belong: in derisive air quotes! And this transcends politics, Jon. Reasonable people can disagree about abortion, but still agree on the unimportance of women's health.

It's about equality. And I'm sure if John McCain was raped, and has a baby growing in his penis, he would want it publicly discussed in the same level of abstraction without concern for his specific "life." Or..."penis."

Rob Corddry

  • Before we start, I want to make it clear that I don't have a problem with you personally: I just don't like the colour of your skin.
  • But the weather started getting rough. The giant ship was tossed. If it weren't for the bravery of the fearless crew... actually, the Republic was lost.
  • (About Hitler) That guy was not likeable.
  • Al Gore endorsing Howard Dean. It's pretty hard to see how Dean can recover from this.
  • Remember, the last person Al Gore endorsed was Al Gore. And you remember how well that went. Really, do you remember? I have no idea.
  • Think about it Jon, the terrorists are expecting us to hold our elections on Election Day. If we did that, we'd be playing right into their hands.
  • ...I'd rather be shooting hookers.
  • From Beacon Hill to Back Bay, from burning witches to bussing blacks, this city (Boston) has something for everyone...unless you're black.
  • There's so much history here...Faneuil Hall, Bunker Hill, the site of the Boston Tea Party...of course everyone knows this piece of Boston history...the Adams Inn, where I treated Maureen Sullivan to my virginity, room 223!
  • Boston's not just about my personal sexual's also about personal entertainment. Fenway Park...the world famous Green Monster...growing up I had my own Green Monster...Father Green.
  • Anyhow, here's a fun fact...did you know that Boston has a merit badge in corruption? It's called the Big Dig, the largest public works project in American's billions over budget, and a national laughingstock!
  • It's called Avian Flu, a fatal killer that, when lethal, can be deadly.
  • The missile is in the hands of the world's most unpredictable dictator, so who knows why people aren't taking the (joking) Tae-Po-dong seriously...
  • Rob: It's not just the Tae-po-dong, Jon. Did you know that the Koreans are working on a deadly neutron explosive that burns you from the inside-out leaving you just a scarred hunk of flesh?
    Jon: That's Horrible.
    Rob: Yeah, it's called long fat d*ck.
    Jon: I'm...I'-
    Rob: (interrupting) But wait, there's more to it than that... Worst of all, it also carries a deadly biotoxin called "cream - of - Sum - Jung - Guy".
    Jon: I'm sorry Rob, that is clearly not a real weapon...
    Rob: Yeah, Yeah... that's what the N. Koreans want you to think. One day you'll be smuggin secure, then, out of a blue sky comes a "long-fat-d*ck" filled with scalding "cream of Sum Jung Guy..." Who will be laughing then, Jon?.. I know I will be...

Ed Helms

  • This Mars plan confirms something that those of us in the scientific community have known for quite some time. President Bush has now officially given up on Planet Earth.
  • July 14 is Bastille Day, when the people of France released the prisoners being held in the Bastille. Not just the political prisoners, mind you; all the prisoners.
  • "Bastille". It's French for "Why are you stabbing me? I just released you from prison."
  • Oooh look, I'm a Democrat. I'm going to block your nomination. Oooh look, I'm a Republican. I'm going to block your blocking of the nomination. Oooh look, I'm Ted Kennedy. I have man boobies.
  • For some reason, America's popularity around the world has plummeted in recent years, making travel...(sneezes, pulls out a French flag to clear his nose) making travel abroad a harrowing experience. But one man...has a solution.
  • One question remains...does the kit work? I underwent an EXTREME CANADIAN MAKEOVER. The challenge was to remove everything about me that says "America". The dumbfuck look...the rock-hard American ass...and finally, my luscious hairway to Heaven. My transformation was armed with only the tools of the kit, it was time to see if I could pass as a worked. My fellow Americans were staring at me like an outsider. I felt like a true Canadian, and like a true Canadian, I desperately needed to thaw out my balls.
  • Feeling too full? Can't keep stuffing your pie hole? Remember: an unsound mind equals an unsound body! Find your dark unhappy place...I recommend calling all your old girlfriends. They'll tell you EXACTLY what's wrong with you...Let your diminishing self-esteem propel you forward into a crushing maelstrom of despair...the fat will follow!
  • Now you're probably wondering, "But Mr. Helms..." Stop, right there, okay? Call me Ed. So you're wondering, "Ed, why does resolution matter?" Well, first of all that's a stupid question. All you got to do is turn on regular resolution TV and try and figure out what the hell's going on!
  • So all you need to do is buy an HDTV set...and there's plenty of choices out there. For instance, one popular option right now is the plasma TV, so called because to afford one, you're gonna have to sell your blood. (audience laughs) I'm totally kidding.
  • We all know that there are many wasted hours when your cellphone is just sitting in your pocket not being talked on. In the past we've talked about amazing new features like digital photography, text messaging, and special sperm destroying the way that's #-6.
  • (on a virtual fishing game) The point is this and I can't stress this enough, don't use this on the roof of your building. Oh, and be sure the GPS fish aren't near any reception deadspots...I was in the middle of a trout stream last weekend and I couldn't virtual-fish at all! I spent all my time drinking...and fishing.
  • Ed Helms: You're gonna want your very own ring, so all your friends will know that you're the one ruining the shed that boring old "dee-dee-doo-doo, dee-dee-doo-doo, dee-dee-doo-doo-doo" for something more uniquely you, something that'll help stave off the haunting spectre of your own faceless anonymity. And it's fun...heck, you don't need to download rings! You can download actual songs...check this out...
    (song plays, Ed laughs)
    Helms: Man that song'll NEVER GET OLD! (breaks into song) ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT...
    Jon Stewart (off-screen, annoyed): Ed...ED!!
    Helms (snaps back to attention): All right, all in conclusion these novelty rings and games are now provided on your cellphone because the technology exists to do that...(breaks into song again) ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT...
    Stewart (off-screen, semi-incoherent): ALL RIGHT, ED!!! (recovers, camera now on both Helms and Stewart) thank you.
  • Jon Stewart: As best as you can, Ed, talk about the most recent developments in this terrible disaster [Hurricane Katrina].
    Ed Helms: Jon, today, finally a ray of hope. 8 days after Katrina came ashore, the federal government has gotten its act together marshalling all of its resources in a desperate effort to save this beloved, and now beleaguered...president. [Laughter and applause]
    Jon Stewart: I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about New Orleans.
    Ed Helms: Oh, no, that place is fucked.
  • (while holding a homosexuality detection device:) I'll be using this gay detection device. It's kind of a radar for gayness, or Gay Radar. It's called...a Homometer.
  • Ed Helms:My boss is like a cross between Willy Wonka and Hitler.
    (later in the segment) Stewart: (looking shocked/enraged)...A cross between Willy Wonka and Hitler?
    Helms: That's right, Jon.
  • He is in stable condition after being shot by Vice President Dick Cheney during the weekend quail-hunting exhibition. Doctors say he is recovering quickly after being shot in the face by the Vice President. I'll be here all day with continuous coverage of how Vice President Dick Cheney shot a seventy-eight year old man in the face, after he mistook him for a small bird.
  • You don’t want to know how sausage is made. Just know that somewhere in the back of a butcher store, people are shoving bits of pig snout and cow feet into sheep intestines.

Mo Rocca

  • Mo Rocca: I was busy waiting all night for the Columbus Day Bunny to come down my chimney and light fireworks in my pumpkin.
    Jon Stewart: ...There's so much wrong with that.
    Mo Rocca: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you were Jewish.
  • Mo Rocca: Enron Field...words that provoke potent images of more than two glorious years of baseball history.
    Rocca (voiceover): The year was 2000...William Clinton was president...a gallon of milk cost $2.25 at the su-per-market...nobody was doing the Charleston...and kids in kneepants root, root, rooted for the home team at the opening day of the brand new Enron Field. It was the little stadium that could: a place where fans would while away the hours under a quaint retractable roof, gaze at the old-fashioned giant exploding scoreboard, and look lovingly at the 60 corporate skyboxes that even the children of wealthy industrialists could call their own. But as year turned to year turned to this year...the roaring late 90's came to an end with a devastating crash...the company that gave the park its life disappeared, as did the plutocrats that gave the park its asset liquidity. Today, the cathedral known as Enron Field lies deserted, a poignant reminder of an earlier, more guilty time.
  • Mo Rocca: Mmmm...Jon, I brought something special with me: the original program from Opening Day, Enron Field...look at that, 2000! (blows the "dust" off the program) Hmmm, lots of memories.
    Jon Stewart (shaking his head): Uh, Mo, I don't wanna interrupt the reverie, but uh, the stadium is still there. It's alive and well, it just won't be called Enron Field.
    Rocca: I it's called Astros Field...I mean, what's an Astro? What do they make? They're not even a corporation, Jon.
    Stewart: No, they're the ballclub that plays in the stadium.
    Rocca: No, they're the ballclub that LEASES that stadium. I mean, don't you see Jon? It's the end of the golden age of corporate naming. Our children won't be able to buy a ticket at BankOne Ballpark in Phoenix...or to tailgate at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego...or to feel the cool breeze coming off the lake at Hyundai Elantra Field in Coca-Cola, Ohio!
    (audience laughs)
    Stewart: Uh, Mo...I don't even think that the last one exists.
    Rocca: And now it never will. Now if you'll excuse me, Jon, I'm gonna enjoy one last Enron Field pretzel...(bites into an "E" shaped pretzel) Mmm, you can really taste the ethical violations!
  • Jon Stewart: (confused) And that question is designed to...?
    Mo Rocca: Disable. Intelligence reveals the Arab World only has single entendre capabilities...the double ententre technique first pioneered by the French Resistance, and as you know it has been used to devastatingly saucy effect.
  • Jon Stewart: Mo, I mean honestly, do you think mind games are what's going to bring (Osama bin Laden) down?
    Mo Rocca: Mmmm, I don't know, Jon...ticklemyasswithafeather?
    Stewart: (confused) What?
    Rocca: Nice weather.
    (Rocca grins)
    Stewart: (either disturbed or confused) Thank you, Mo.
  • You can improve your chi and make peace with your father by moving your couch.
    • On Feng Shui
  • June 21 is Vegan World Day. Now, we humans only need to do three things to survive: drink, breathe and eat. But vegans have decided two out of three ain't bad. June 21 also happens to be the longest day of the year, but every day feels that way when your protein-free diet leaves you with morbidly low blood sugar.

Lewis Black

  • The biggest surprise was that the Tony Awards were on TV at all. I don't give a shit. Hell, I live behind a Broadway theater and I don't give a shit. I performed on Broadway this year, and I still don't give a shit!
  • Kids? Call your moms. For the first time in my life, I am speechless. Here's why.
    [clip of a group of people racing in dune buggies, stopping to pick up a pig in a trough, then speeding away again]
  • Listen, Osama! I don't care how far you've gone, I don't care how long you've planned. There's no way that you can kill more Americans with your guns then we do with our own. This is the big leagues, baby! Jon?
  • [footage of Mark McGwire crying during testimony]
    Hey, idiot! There's no crying in baseball testimony!
  • [footage of NRA President Wayne La Pierre saying: "What is a watch list?"]
    Hey, asshole! It's a list of suspected terrorists that we're watching. In this case, watching buy guns.
  • [after showing a commercial advocating President Bush]
    Here's the message I'm getting from this commercial: "We had to take out Saddam Hussein because, as the Communist leader of Germany, he blew up the World Trade Center, and that's why we went to Vietnam. Vote for Reagan!"
  • [after the 2004 Stanley Cup finals where Tampa Bay defeated Calgary in seven games]
    This is how lame hockey has gotten: the country that invented it lost to a country that doesn't care about it, in a state that has NO natural ice!
  • [regarding Christian groups that promote abstinence-only education]
    So, your incentive to get people to become Christian is that they shouldn't have sex? Well, I've got one thing to say about that: Baruch atah Adonai!
  • Lewis Black: Now, we all know the best medical advice doesn't come from the church or some machine, but from the people you trust the most: celebrities! Actor and lovestruck Scientologist Tom Cruise appeared on the Today Show last Friday, where he shared his beliefs on mental health.
    Tom Cruise (video): I've never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a scientologist, I never agreed with psychiatry. And I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science.
    Black: Unlike scientology. I mean, that's got science right in the name!...The climax came when Matt Lauer suggested that therapy and anti-depressants might work for some people.
    Cruise (video): Do you know what Adderall is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? You don't know the history of psychiatry; I do. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.
    Black: No? Then, what do you call what's happening to you right now?
  • Are you there God? It's me, Lewis...and I've got a message for you...YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
  • [regarding Saudi Arabia's sheltering of former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin]
    That country is like a Sandals resort for dickwads!
  • Last night the voice of the people was heard...I promised not to imitate it out of respect for the mentally retarded!
  • [On Alaska and Maine voters' approval of bear baiting ballot initiatives]
    So congratulations hunters, you're free to lure bears to their deaths with raw meat, open jars of peanut butter, and yes, even pic-nic baskets! I hope Yogi runs faster than the average bear!
  • [On Brad Pitt's approval of California Prop 71]
  • [On Mel Gibson's cigar challenge of proving that people weren't cells in regards to his opposition to CA Prop 71]
    Adam and Eve, Mel...that's two cigars!
  • [On 11 states' approval of gay marriage bans]
    So rocked the vote, and smeared the queer...(mixed reaction from the audience)OH DO YOU THINK WE MEANT IT?...But in the end, these ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!
  • Reality...if you're like me you spend every waking moment trying to escape from it!
  • You see? One person can make a difference...and nothing sticks it to the Man like taking out a Cinnabon!
  • Finally, Americans have found a political problem that they are willing to come together and do something about. No, not terrorism...close, it's telemarketing!
  • Ms. Prager, I think your problem is that you're answering the phone's how I do it:
    (video, phone rings, Black is annoyed)
    Lewis Black: (BLEEP) you!
    (slams down phone, end video)
  • (On Congress's swift action in regards to the Do Not Call registry)
    Yeah? Then why does most stuff happen slower than it takes to pay off a 30-year mortgage? Congress, you made a huge mistake: now we know you can actually DO something quickly if you want to!
  • (On Bush's quick signature of the bill)
    You know, Bush is like a genie...who only grants crappy wishes! (laughter) Thanks for the quiet phone, can I use my next wish on HEALTH INSURANCE?
  • (On a Denver judge's ruling that the registry is unconstitutional)
    Constitution, I feel betrayed! You let me have my porn, my guns, why won't you let me enjoy them without any annoying interruptions?! (laughter) So what's going to happen in this most important of issues? President Bush ordered the telemarketing registry to take effect as of today, while industry lawyers vowed to go to the Supreme Court, where they can make their pitch in front to the ideal telemarketing audience...
    (shows a picture of the Supreme Court justices)
    ...gullible old people. Jon?

Bob Wiltfong

  • Apparently in Boston, anarchist means pussy.
  • Over the course of the past year mom and pop outfits like Enron and Saudi Arabia have been persecuted by the public and the government...but now they're fighting back using a few simple techniques!

Jason Jones

Wyatt Cenac

  • Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters. She's so dumb she thinks the capital of China is Chinatown. Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks billboards are postcards from giants. The governor of Alaska is so dumb, she thinks soy milk is Spanish for "I am milk."


Jon Stewart: Stephen, thank you for joining us...with (Jim) Jeffords' new status as an independent senator, the balance of power has else will this power shift play out in the Senate?
Stephen Colbert: Who cares, Jon? What about the band?
Jon Stewart: (confused) ...the band?
Stephen Colbert: The Singing Senators!
(a picture of Larry Craig, Trent Lott, John Ashcroft and Jeffords as the "Singing Senators")
Stephen Colbert: ...listen. Jeffords leaving means that the Republicans break up the Singing Senators.
Jon Stewart: They're the senators that sing.
Stephen Colbert: (shocked) Sing, Jon? They're only, like, the greatest Congressional music act ever! They're the standard in which all other senatorial singing groups are judged, man!
Stephen Colbert: Check out this rare bootleg I have of the senators' now legendary gig on NBC's Today show...
(clip of the senators signing "Elvira")
Stephen Colbert: Oom pa-pa, Oom pa pa, wow, WOW! I love those four lovable moptops...Larry Craig, the conservative one, Trent Lott the ultraconservative one, John Ashcroft the archconservative one... and Jim Jeffords the cute one!
(audience explodes into laughter)
Stephen Colbert: ...they had it all! Tight harmonies, wireboard looks, and medieval social agenda! But now it's over...except for the medieval social agenda.

Announcer: The Colbert Report...winner of the 2005 Peabody Award!
Colbert: If the voters had any balls...well, do you voters? do you have any balls? Because I do...lemme show you...

Stephen Colbert: Hi! I'm Stephen Colbert...I'm a successful and respected authority figure, and I LOOOOOVE DRUGS! There's nothing more I love than kicking back with some good friends, a cribbage board, a Benny Goodman album, and a whole lotta crack! (looks to the side) Hey there!
(Enter Jon Stewart)
Jon Stewart: Yes?
Stephen Colbert: Do you want a reefer full of pot? All the hip kids are doing it!
(Stewart looks surprised, yet intrigued)
Jon Stewart: I would! It would be a perfect break from my job as a corporate drone to slip into a sweet, mellow high!
(Enter Lauren Weedman, snapping a rubber armband around her arm.)
Lauren Weedman: Hey guys, I'd love to do some drugs with you, but I'm off to donate blood.
Stephen Colbert: Good call. (turns to camera) So take it from us...middle aged adults with no idea what's cool...
Stephen Colbert (voiceover): This message brought to you by the National Council "Against" Drugs.

Stephen Colbert: What religion do I have to be to get this money?
Stephen Laverith, Centre for Public Justice: The government has said that it's not going to define what a religion is.
Stephen Colbert: That's refreshingly vague
(Switches to voiceover)
Stephen Colbert: ...and refreshingly lucrative. The first step is choosing your religion...
(back to Colbert and Laverith)
Stephen Colbert: Let's go over the big three. Judaism: the no-pork thing's okay, but the horns and the Christian baby blood... that's a deal breaker. Islam... fascinating religion, but it's kind of a PR nightmare right now... and ditto.
(picture of a Catholic cardinal)

Stephen Colbert: Oh, God, I gotta get out of here! Don't leave me, Jon!
Jon Stewart: Stephen Colbert, everyone.

Jon Stewart: What about the State of the Union? Did you go to the speech?
Senator John McCain: I had no choice.

Jon Stewart: Do you know of any candidate that has gone from top to bottom, from king to serf, so quickly as Howard Dean?
Bob Dole: I did. I mean, Joe Lieberman, he was banking on Al Gore's ticket. Then Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean, and now Howard's campaign tanked. So I told Kerry and Edwards, If Gore calls you, don't pick up the phone.

Samantha Bee: I'll read you some words, help me warm these up a bit.
Frank Luntz: OK.
Samantha Bee: Drilling for oil?
Frank Luntz: I would say, responsible exploration for energy.
Samantha Bee: Logging?
Frank Luntz: I would say, healthy forest.
Samantha Bee: Manipulation?
Frank Luntz: Explaination and education.
Samantha Bee: Orwellian?
[Frank Luntz is silent]

Jason Jones: Was it difficult managing a family while not being president?
Geraldine Ferarro: I'm sorry did you say NOT being president?

Rob Corddry: This is pork-barrel politics at its worst.
Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: How so?
Rob Corddry: It's... so so.
Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: You have no idea what pork-barrel politics are, do you?
Rob Corddry: Do you?
Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: Pork-barrel politics usually puts money into the system...
Rob Corddry: Oh, is that what they taught you in lady senator school?

Jon Stewart: We've also got a report from Mr. Rob Corddry in Oregon. We're gonna...hey,, that's a nice box, Rob!
Rob Corddry: Oh, this old thing? (laughs) I only use it when I don't care how I look! (laughs again) No Jon, I've been spending a lot of time on satellite hookups, so with the holidays gives it a homier feel, you know?
Ed Helms: Jon?
Jon Stewart: Yes, Ed Helms in Minnesota?
Ed Helms: I...I, uh, didn't know we could decorate our boxes.
(Audience laughs)
Rob Corddry (mocking): Jon! I didn't know we can decorate our boxes! I'm afraid to take any action on my own!
Jon Stewart (off-screen): Guys...
Ed Helms (to Corddry): Shut up, Rob!
Rob Corddry (to Helms): You shut up, bitch!'
Ed Helms (to Corddry): You wanna say that to my face?
(Corddry moves from "Oregon" to "Minnesota" and into Helm's box...and face)
Rob Corddry: SHUT UP, BITCH!
(Helms headbutts Corddry, knocking him back)
Jon Stewart: HEY GUYS...GUYS! (stunned) Uh, I'm sorry, I apologize...that's, uh... Thought they were further apart.

John Oliver: When you’re a bankrupt ideology pursuing a bankrupt strategy, the only move you have left is the dick one.
Jon Stewart: When will these motherfuckers go away?
John Oliver: They probably won’t, there have always been motherfuckers, there will always be motherfuckers, but we can’t do is let them control our motherfucking lives.


  • All Axis Pass [Axis of evil]
  • Finding Memo [Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse, also referencing Finding Nemo]
  • Human Babies Born! [Media fascination with Julia Roberts' twins]
  • Mess O' Potamia [2003 invasion of Iraq / Mesopotamia] (used multiple times)
  • Powell Movement [ Colin Powell resigning]
  • Sadr House Rules [Muqtada al-Sadr, also referencing Cider House Rules]
  • Indecision 2000 [The Daily Show coverage of the 2000 United States presedential elections at the Republican National Convention] (used multiple times, such as:)
    • Indecision/Indécision 2006 [for the coverage of the 2006 Canadian federal election, also a play on the bilingual labeling in Canada]
    • Indecision 5766 [for the coverage of the 2006 Israeli Knesset elections, 5766 being the year on the Jewish calendar]
    • Indecision 5768 [U.S. Presidential candidates speak at an AIPAC conference]
    • Indecisionovich 2004 [for coverage of the Orange Revolution in the Ukraine
    • Indecision 1425 [for the coverage of the 2005 Iraqi elections, 1425 being the year in the Islamic calendar]
    • Redecision 2003 [for coverage of the 2003 California Recall Election.]
    • A Spot Of Indecision 2005 [for the coverage of the 2005 United Kingdom general election]
  • Zell on Earth [Zell Miller at the Republican National Convention]
  • Syrias Unfortunate Events
  • A Look Baq at Iraq
  • Quitter! [Lance Armstrong's final Tour de France win]
  • Best Leak Ever [Valerie Plame affair] (used multiple times)
  • The Full Mountie [George W. Bush's 2004 visit to Canada]
  • The Vetting Crashers [John Bolton's recess appointment to the UN ambassadorship]
  • Hello Submarine [Russian mini-sub crisis]
  • War on Terrour [Tony Blair's press conference announcing stricter anti-terrorism rules, also referencing British spelling]
  • War on Terra [A take on the "War on Terror" describing Bush's apparent war on the environment]
  • Passing Fahd [Death of King Fahd of Saudi Arabia]
  • Run, Forest, Run! [Talking about the rain forest being cut down, also referencing the movie Forrest Gump]
  • Texas Scold'em [Cindy Sheehan's protest outside George W. Bush's Texas ranch, also a reference to a variant of poker]
  • Ranch Stressing [Same as above]
  • The Jew Carry Show [Forced evacuation of Israeli settlers from Gaza]
  • Anarchy in the UKraine [Ukrainian election trouble]
  • A Haus Divided [2005 German federal elections]
  • Rocket the Vote [first Afghanistani elections]
  • Kimmy Neutron [Kim Jong-il, the erratic dictator of North Korea, and his nuclear program]
  • Kim Possible [Kim Jong-il and his nuclear program, also referencing a Disney Channel cartoon]
  • The Goodbye Girl [Harriet Miers SCOTUS nomination withdrawal]
  • Pope Secret [Election of Pope Benedict XVI after the death of John Paul II]
  • This Is Wire Tap [The scandal surrounding the Bush administration's unauthorized tapping]
  • War on a Rock [Moscow's and the UK's disbute on the fake camera rock]
  • Man's Face Intercepts Vice Presidential Bullet [VP Cheney shooting a man in the face while hunting]
  • Going Postal [Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's letter to George W. Bush]
  • Blood, Bath & Beyond [Iraq War, a reference to the housewares store, Bed, Bath & Beyond]
  • Leonar-D'oh! [The premiere of The Da Vinci Code the movie, also a Simpsons reference]
  • FOX in a Henhouse
  • Increase your Under-STAN-ding
  • Faux News [US-sponsored fake news in Iraqi newspapers, a reference to FOX News]
  • Foley Erect [Mark Foley/underage page scandal]
  • Death of a Person [The media coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's death]
  • Clusterf@#k to the White House [The 2008 Presidential Election Rush]
  • Scumdog Million-hairs [The Rod Blagojevich scandal]
  • Born Identity [The controversy surrounding Obama's birth certificate]
  • The Men Who Stare At Votes The Men Who Stare At Goats
  • World of Warmcraft World of Warcraft


  • The mistrusted name in news.
  • When news breaks, we fix it.
  • Third rate reporters giving the first degree the second news happens.
  • The Most Important News Show... Ever.
  • The Most Important Television Program... Ever.
  • When News Breaks... It's News to Us.
  • Welcome to the Daily Show, ladies drink free!
  • More Americans get their news from The Daily Show than any other nationality.
  • More people get their news from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart... Than probably should.
  • All the news our sponsors approve of.
  • The Daily Show - the only news program with no credibility left to lose.
  • The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. We're getting a helicopter... soon.
  • The Daily Show: Now even dailier!
  • Need a hug? Then call now for free tickets to a taping of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. And good luck with that hug.
  • Do you like things? Then come to a free taping of The Daily Show.
  • Ever wonder what 250 identical chairs look like? Then come to a free taping of The Daily Show With John Stewart.
  • We put the "anal" in analysis
  • As seen on a New York City billboard during the 2004 Republican National Convention held at Madison Square Gardens: "Welcome to New York. That Smell? Freedom."
  • As seen on a New York City billboard: The Daily Show: The most trusted name in fake news.
  • They wouldn't be called news stories if we didn't make something up.
  • From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York...this is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart!


External links

Wikipedia has an article about:

Simple English

The Daily Show
Also known as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Genre Comedy
News parody
Format late night talk show
Created by Madeleine Smithberg
Lizz Winstead
Directed by Chuck O'Neil
Presented by Craig Kilborn (1996–1998)
Jon Stewart (1999–present)
Starring Correspondents
Opening theme Bob Mould, "Dog On Fire" (performed by They Might Be Giants)
Country of origin United States
No. of episodes 1,587 (as of August 11, 2008) (List of episodes)
Executive producer(s) David Javerbaum
Jon Stewart
Running time 22 minutes
Original channel Comedy Central
Original run July 22, 1996 – present
Related shows The Colbert Report
External links
Official website

The Daily Show (known currently as The Daily Show with Jon Stewart) is an Emmy Award winning news parody television program. It airs each Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central in the United States. The half-hour long program was first shown on Monday, July 22, 1996. It was first hosted by Craig Kilborn. Kilborn acted as its anchorman until December 1998. Jon Stewart took over as host in January 1999. Many changes were made to the program at that time. Under Stewart, The Daily Show has become more strongly focused around politics and the national media. It is much different to the more character-driven comedy which was shown more during Kilborn's time on the program.

Got something to say? Make a comment.
Your name
Your email address