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The Kids in the Hall
The Kids in the Hall, 2008.

at the 2008 eTalk Festival Party, during the Toronto International Film Festival
(from left: Dave Foley, Mark McKinney, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Scott Thompson (kneeling))
Format Sketch comedy
Starring Dave Foley
Bruce McCulloch
Kevin McDonald
Mark McKinney
Scott Thompson
Country of origin Canada
No. of seasons 5
No. of episodes 111 (List of episodes)
Production
Running time 25 Minutes
Broadcast
Original channel CBC and HBO
Original run 19881994

The Kids in the Hall is a Canadian sketch comedy group formed in 1984, consisting of comedians Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson. Their eponymous television show ran from 1988 to 1994 on CBC in Canada, and 1989 to 1995 on CBS and HBO in the United States. The theme song for the show was the instrumental "Having an Average Weekend" by the Canadian band Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet. The troupe made one movie, Brain Candy, which was released in 1996.

The name of the group came from Sid Caesar, who, if a joke didn't go over, or played worse than expected, would attribute it to "the kids in the hall," referring to a group of young writers hanging around the studio.[1][2]

Contents

History

Before the troupe formed, Bruce McCulloch and Mark McKinney were working together doing Theatresports in Calgary, performing in a group named "The Audience." Norm Hiscock, Gary Campbell, and Frank Van Keeken were also members of that group and later became writers on the show. At the same time, Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald were performing around Toronto (along with Luciano Casimiri) as The Kids in the Hall (KITH). In 1984, the two pairs met in Toronto, and began performing regularly as KITH, with a rotating band of members, including Paul Bellini for a short time. When Scott Thompson was invited to join in January 1985, the group had its final form. The same year, McCulloch and Foley appeared in the Anne of Green Gables series, as Diana Barry's husband and a former classmate of Anne's from Queen's College, respectively.

Not long afterwards, the Kids broke up for a short time when scouts for Saturday Night Live invited McKinney and McCulloch to New York to become writers for that show, Foley made a poorly received movie debut with High Stakes[3] and Thompson and McDonald worked with the Second City touring group. They were reunited in 1986. After SNL's Lorne Michaels saw them perform as a troupe, plans began for a TV show. In 1987 Michaels sent them to New York to what was essentially a "Comedy Boot Camp", and in 1988 their show began airing on CBC Television. It was subsequently picked up on HBO in the United States in 1989.

Television show

Despite their SNL connection, the show's sketches were more reminiscent of Monty Python's Flying Circus: often quirky or surreal, frequently utilizing drag (not primarily for comedic effect but merely to allow female characters in the skits), with very few celebrity impressions or pop culture parodies; the only recurring celebrity impression was of Queen Elizabeth II, played by Thompson. A recurring character was Mr. Tyzik, played by McKinney, who pretended to crush people's heads from a distance with his fingers. McKinney also played Chicken Lady, a human-chicken hybrid who spoke in a shrill voice, moved in chicken steps, and was easily sexually excited. Several sketches featured a flying pig, played by McCulloch, who amused bored people in long lines. Many of the sketches featured gay characters and themes; most of these sketches were written by and starred Scott Thompson, who is openly gay. The show was also notable for reflecting and dealing with the youth subculture of its times, and for incisive sketches about big business and family units.

The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show. For example, Kevin McDonald announces that if the next sketch (which he has written) is not successful, the others are considering kicking him out of the group. In another episode, Thompson declares that he isn't gay anymore, which throws the other Kids into a panic, as they fear that the news will alienate the troupe's considerable gay fanbase.

Monologues were a staple of the show. Though Scott Thompson's Buddy Cole monologues are the best known, the other Kids performed many memorable solo pieces as well. Prominent examples include Foley describing his positive attitude toward menstruation, McCulloch satirizing American cultural values with a mock-ironic speech praising the American lifestyle, McCulloch addressing the person who stole the front wheel off his bike (and, later in the same episode, the people who watched the thief take the wheel off his bike), McCulloch recounting the night he and his dog – with whom he'd previously felt "nothing" – "connected," and in a gag reminiscent of Bob Newhart, a distraught McDonald calling a best friend's young son to tell him his father died, only to have the child end up consoling him, even going so far as quoting famous philosophers on the ultimate emptiness of life.

The show originated from Canada, and the content was at times edited slightly for American tastes in one respect: sketches mocking religion were sometimes cut down or removed, necessitating the adding of material from other episodes to round out the half-hour. Some US channels censored the occasional nudity as well. Among the more controversial sketches was the final sketch of Season 1, "Dr. Seuss Bible", in which the troupe tells the story of Jesus Christ's crucifixion in the style of children's author Dr. Seuss.

Though the show occasionally featured guest actors (notably Neve Campbell and Nicole de Boer) well before they became famous, the Kids played nearly all parts, both male and female, themselves. In contrast to Monty Python (where the members often donned drag to portray older women, but usually utilized women such as Carol Cleveland and Connie Booth to play female characters who were young and attractive), all the Kids regularly played both old and young women; the frequent cross-dressing would become one of the show's trademarks. This began during their stage show, because they found themselves writing female characters but had no female member to play them. As Scott Thompson explained, "The way we played women ... we weren't winking at the audience ... We were never, like, going, 'Oh, look at me! I'm a guy in a dress!' Never. We would always try to be real, and that, I think, freaked people out..."

The show premiered in 1988 on CBC in Canada, and in 1989 on HBO. The CBC aired the show through its entire run. Seasons 1–3 aired on HBO but, in the fall of 1992, CBS picked up the rights to the show and aired it on late-night Fridays showing repeats, while HBO was airing the last of the season 3 episodes.

In early 1993, all-new episodes of The Kids in the Hall aired on CBS late-night, making the start of season 4. The last two seasons aired there until the show ended in late 1994.

Show contents

Recurring sketches and characters

30 Helens Agree
Thirty women stand in a field and declare their agreement on some platitude; for example, "Thirty Helens agree: If you have a good idea, you should write it down." One time they disagreed, but later agreed to disagree. At one point, only 29 Helens agreed that promptness was important (the thirtieth Helen was running late). The Helens appeared frequently throughout the first season, but did not appear in any subsequent seasons. According to Bruce McCulloch (in the Oral History segment of the Season 1 DVD set), 30 Helens Agree was his idea.
The Axe Murderer
An axe murderer (Foley) approaches people for favours after he has obviously committed a brutal and grisly homicide with the axe he's carrying. Covered in blood, he makes polite small talk with people he runs into, casually admitting he is, in fact, an axe murderer. Before leaving, he amiably asks whoever he talks to not to tell anyone or "Chop chop!", accompanied by a chopping motion with his axe.
Bauer
Bauer (Thompson) is a young stoner (presumably in his late teens or early twenties) who, as a result of his frequent pot use, is very well-spoken and insightful. In one popular sketch, he reveals to a friend (McDonald) that he's been having an affair with his married mother (Foley), which of course is very unsettling to McDonald. Bauer waxes poetic about the mother's beauty, then stands up, announcing he's "got a chub-on". In another surreal filmed sketch, Bauer searches for some pot, leading him to some very strange places. Bauer first appeared on the show as the best friend of Bobby Terrance (see below), but later became a recurring character in his own right.
Bobby Terrance
Bobby (McCulloch) is a rebellious teenager whose love of rock'n'roll serves as the basis for most of his sketches. Bobby views rock as an expression of personal freedom, and always fights back when he feels like he is being denied that freedom. He is frequently in conflict with his parents, played by Mark McKinney (father) and Dave Foley (mother). He has also taken on a sarcastic jazz-loving teacher (Foley), and once even faced off against the Devil himself (McKinney) in a guitar-playing contest. A pre-Star Trek Nicole de Boer appeared in three sketches as Bobby's girlfriend Laura. He, like Bauer above are a tongue-in-cheek satire of the rebellious late-80/1990s Grunge/Generation X subculture.
Buddy Cole
Cabbage Head
Cabbage Head (McCulloch) was born with leaves in place of hair. He also always smokes cigars and wears a red smoking jacket à la Hugh Hefner. He is extremely sexist, and spends most of his time trying to pick up women for sex, using his cabbage head in an attempt to garner sympathy and, hopefully, sex ("Hey – I'm the KING of the mercy fuck!" he declares in his first appearance). In one episode, he is shot in the head at a bar by a feminist crusader (also played by McCulloch) and, in a near-death experience, sees God, who said he created Cabbage Head in his image, at which point God is revealed to have a cabbage for a head himself. Later we see Cabbage Head on a Christian talk show talking about his miraculous survival, although he continues to hold sexist viewpoints, as evidenced by his promotion of a "sacred wet T-shirt contest – er, I mean, baptism" he was conducting. Whenever anyone objects to his odd behavior, he always insists he is being persecuted for his cabbage head. "Why won't you let me forget that I have a CABBAGE FOR A HEAD?!?"
Cathy and Kathie
Kathie (McCulloch) and Cathy (Thompson) are secretaries at the firm of A.T. & Love (KITH's catch-all business, and a play on AT&T). These sketches parodied the banality of office life, from guessing the sexuality of the new guy to dealing with an ex-stripper temp named Tanya (McKinney). A few sketches also included Kevin McDonald as another coworker and Dave Foley as their supervisor Elizabeth. In the middle of the third season, Tanya finished her term of employment and left the office amidst mock tearfulness from her coworkers; however, she reappeared in the fifth season, once again working at the firm as a temp. Though Danny Husk (see below) also works at A.T. & Love, none of the women are ever shown interacting with Husk. The final sketch of the series was about Cathy and Kathie, as they prepared to leave their jobs after A.T. & Love was sold.
Kathie appeared independently of Cathy in the first season, where it was revealed that she once dated Mississippi Gary (see below). A picture of him was on her cubicle wall in all subsequent appearances.
The Chicken Lady
Mark McKinney played a half-human half-chicken who is completely oblivious to how freakish and terrifying people find her. In one episode, she flashes back to a moment from her adolescence when she is stuck in her room as the other kids have a party; one kid (who is expecting a sexual encounter) is thrown inside her room as a prank. In another sketch, she visits a strip club with her companion the Bearded Lady (Kevin McDonald), and loses her cool when a dancer known as Rooster Boy (Scott Thompson) takes the stage. Most Chicken Lady sketches revolve around her extremely strong sexual desires; her catchphrase is "Gotta get laid", and she is frequently seen having wild orgasms which are punctuated with an explosion of feathers.
Danny Husk
A businessman, played by Scott Thompson, who was featured in a number of sketches. He is an executive at A.T. & Love, a company that also makes many appearances in unrelated sketches. In one sketch it is discovered that Danny used to be a porn star. In another, his armpit odor becomes a best selling product. In a third, he wakes up one morning and reads the newspaper, which states he has been kidnapped, after which he desperately gathers money to pay his own ransom. In yet another, Danny is summoned to the office of his boss, who needs to be consoled upon discovering "brown stuff" oozing from his mouth. Husk is successful in his consolation when he tells his boss that there is "no need to see a doctor" since the substance is odorless, and therefore, not "poo-based." In many of his appearances, Husk serves as a straight man to the wacky antics of one of the others. In one sketch which takes place in a sauna, Husk is asked to comment on a pair of breasts a male colleague (Foley) seems to have suddenly developed. In another, Kevin McDonald plays a businessman on the verge of insanity who keeps putting salt in his eyes – having badly misremembered advice his mother had given him on eye care – while Husk delivers a seminar in the background. Dave Foley had a recurring role as Husk's boss. Danny Husk ended up appearing in approximately a dozen sketches through seasons 1, 3, 4 and 5. Additionally, a variation of Husk, named Wally Terzinsky, appeared in the Kids' 1996 movie Brain Candy.
Darcy Pennell
A lifestyle talk show host played by McDonald. Her guests include a French-speaking fashion designer named Christian Renoir and recurring character Francesca Fiore (Thompson). Darcy has trouble pronouncing the names of her guests, such as saying "Christ-aan Ren-aah" when announcing her guest Christian Renoir. The audience is also practically empty. The theme song to the talk show goes "Darcy, Darcy, Darcy Pennell, she makes your life a lot less hell. Darcy!"
Darill
A man (McKinney) named Darill (pronounced da-RILL), who never quite understands what is going on, but always tries to affect an air of sophistication. Darill's strange mix of sunny good will, idiocy and pretense annoys everyone he meets, although he is rarely aware of it. Famous Darill sketches involve him hosting a painting show on television, trying to wait tables in a busy patio restaurant (where he severely annoys the cooking staff, rendering himself unable to carry out orders for cooked food for his customers), and joining the Big Brother program and mentoring an unreceptive boy. In the Feelyat sketch, Darill is a contestant on a surreal, foreign-language game show and we learn that he is fluent in the language (unspecified, although likely Dutch, as the show includes a wooden shoe "choir" and a news bulletin about the flooding of the Rhine is featured) and excels at identifying objects by their feel alone. The background for Darill's strange behavior is explained somewhat in one sketch, in which we see a flashback of Darill as a child in Belgium, and the strange rapport he enjoys with his mother (whom he still lives with, much to the confusion of the date he has brought back to his apartment). One sketch also reveals that the only thing he ever daydreams about is a tiny oom-pah band playing on a windowsill. These daydreams inevitably lead to splitting headaches afterwards, leading Darill to a new daydream: that he is dying from a huge brain tumor. After the end of the Kids in the Hall television show, Mark McKinney became a Saturday Night Live cast member, and brought Darill onto that show.
Francesca Fiore and Bruno Puntz Jones
Francesca Fiore (Thompson) and Bruno Puntz Jones (Foley) are a pair of fast-living, glamorous movie stars. Though they originally hail from South America, their films have a decidedly European flavor. Francesca Fiore is fiery and passionate, and tends to be overdramatic and expressive in her actions. Bruno Puntz Jones (who always wears a white suit and a Panama hat) is very cool and reserved, but inwardly seems to share Francesca's spirit. Bruno occasionally likes to play Russian Roulette alone, a practice he refers to dismissively as "my little game". He is also prone to shooting people with little or no warning, usually when he feels Francesca is being threatened. The two always play lovers in their films together; they seem to be romantically involved in real life as well, though the exact relationship between them is not made clear. In one sketch, Bruno claims he and Francesca have been married since he was 12 and she was 26, which would also indicate Francesca is several years older than Bruno. According to the crew, Foley's character was originally named Bruno Puntz, but when the writers decided to change his last name to Jones, they wrote the word "Jones" in without deleting "Puntz," accidentally creating a compound name.
Gavin
Gavin (McCulloch) is a precocious boy whose chief personality trait is his tendency to ramble on incessantly about bizarre events that may or may not have actually occurred. Most Gavin sketches featured him confusing or annoying strangers with his bizarre wonderings; he once observed that he could eat an entire Bible, but it would take him "several days of munching and snacking." One sketch, however, saw Gavin falling in love with his babysitter (McDonald) because she actually understood him. Gavin has a tense relationship with his parents, once saying to his deadbeat father (McDonald), "You know who'd make a better dad than you? A bowl of dirt. Or a cat. Or anything. Anything at all." Gavin's mom was originally played by Mark McKinney, but her character was killed off and replaced with Scott Thompson as Gavin's stepmom. Gavin's look is very distinctive; he wears large, oversized glasses and is almost always seen sporting a baseball cap (which usually has either the Toronto Blue Jays or The Legend Of Zelda logo on it) and backpack. Among the characters portrayed by McCulloch in Brain Candy is a slightly modified version of Gavin, known as "Cancer Boy".
Gordon and Fran
Gordon (McCulloch) and Fran (Thompson) are a middle-aged couple. Gordon is very crotchety, and is usually seen complaining in any sketch he appears in. His wife Fran is well-meaning and slightly batty, but has a tendency to nag. The most famous Gordon and Fran sketch is probably "Salty Ham", in which Gordon blames his trouble going to sleep on the salty ham Fran served at dinner. Their teenage son Brian (Foley) is sarcastic and rebellious, and is always eager to take advantage of his parents' generosity. Mark McKinney appeared in the sketch "Stinky Pink" as Fran's sister Barbara, who is mentioned in several other Gordon and Fran sketches. Kevin McDonald played Barbara's son, Sean.
Headcrusher
Mr. Tyzik (McKinney) is a lonely man who despises virtually everyone, especially those he considers businessmen and trendy people. He calls them "flatheads" because in his mind, their heads deserve to be crushed. He is more than willing to help by pretending to crush their heads from a distance with his fingers, using forced perspective, while enthusiastically declaring "I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head!" in a high-pitched nasal voice with a slight eastern European accent then making a crushing noise. In his own words: "Not everyone deserves to have their head crushed, just 99.99999% of them." When Mr. Tyzik is not actively crushing someone's head, he is talking to himself about why someone near him deserves to have their head crushed.
He's Hip, He's Cool, He's 45
Bruce McCulloch played a middle-aged man who would do odd things to "keep his cool" despite being middle-aged. In one sketch he interviews a man for a job, first asking if the man wants to smoke a joint.
It's a Fact!
A young red-haired girl would pop up in the forest and reveal a piece of information, usually illustrated by people appearing behind her. She would end by saying, "It's a fact!" and then run off. The running was filmed in stop-animated "fast-motion," reminiscent of programs on the Nickelodeon network.
Besides her "It's a Fact!" series, the girl appeared once in the end credits of an episode where the Queen (Thompson) tried to make her jump into Lake Ontario while holding rocks by telling her that there was candy at the bottom, based on a belief that red-haired girls were witches, when the Queen was a child, as it was mentioned by the Queen in an "It's a Fact!" segment where the Queen delivers "the fact." The "It's a Fact!" girl had used "The Queen is so old she doesn't know her ABC's anymore" as a fact earlier in the episode. (Season 2, episode 11)
In one sketch, Mark McKinney dressed up as her and with great effort tried to do her job as she complained she deserved more money.
The King of Empty Promises
Dean (McDonald) constantly promises his friend Lex (Foley) items or favours to make up for his lack of follow-through on previous promises, his pledges punctuated with the phrase, "Will do." Whenever he is confronted about a promise he didn't keep, Dean's standard excuse for his behaviour is "slipped my mind."
Kevin McDonald mentions on the commentary that Dean is based on himself. He has been known to make promises that he would never follow through on, and even the Paul Simon album he mentions in the first "King" sketch was an actual promise he made to a friend that he never managed to fulfill.
Mississippi Gary
An octogenarian blues player played by Mark McKinney in blackface. He first appeared in a sketch in which he talked about his failed relationship with "Kathy with a K" (McCulloch) from the Secretary sketches and soon grew into a recurring character. His name and style of speech suggest that he may be a parody of the blues guitarist Mississippi Fred McDowell. Gary would always begin a long, blues-related story with the words "Now, I seem to remember a time..." in a deep Mississippi accent before launching into a harmonica solo or blues song. His songs include "The 'There is a Very Effective Heckler in My Audience' Blues" (in a sketch where Dave Foley, in the audience, points out that Gary actually has very little to complain about as he makes over $10,000 a night) and "Smokin' On the Night Train." In another sketch, McKinney abruptly dropped character in the middle of a rasping monologue/scat session and explained that he really had no idea why he was pretending to be an 80-year old blues man, but every time he heard the blues, Mississippi Gary emerged from a place deep within him. He then proceeded to injure himself doing the hambone (Juba dance).
Mr. Heavyfoot (M. Piedlourde)
Dave Foley as an apparently French Canadian man who for reasons that are never explained has extremely heavy feet. The Heavyfoot sketches, which were short and contained no dialogue, usually dealt with the extreme difficulty his condition presented for him in everyday situations, such as putting on pants and walking around.
Nobody Likes Us
Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald played two depressed men with perpetual frowns on their faces who spoke in whiny voices and always complained that people didn't like them. They would often engage in bizarre behavior, including hanging themselves in front of a banker's house (after she rejected them for a loan), eating earthworms on a bus trip (after singing "Think I'll Go Eat Worms"), and McDonald coughing up his own liver (and eating it) as a magic trick on a date.
Foley and McDonald have mentioned that they originally wrote the sketch on an airplane when their flight attendant was purposely ignoring them. Foley then turned to McDonald with a pouty face and said, "Nobody Likes us."
The Pit of Ultimate Darkness (Simon and Hecubus)
A horror-themed TV show which tries to be scary but fails at it, hosted by Crowleyesque Sir Simon Milligan (McDonald), "a man possessed by many demons; polite demons that would open a door for a lady carrying too many parcels, but demons, nonetheless." His level of "wickedness" is such that his behavior and magic acts basically comprise of doing something mildly annoying or rude – such as spoiling the endings of movies – then loudly declaring it "Evil!" Dave Foley co-starred as Simon's manservant Hecubus (made up to resemble the character of Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari), whose sense of mischief provided much of the sketches' humor. While superficially he appears to be Milligan's fawning lackey, even addressing Milligan as "master," he actually delights in annoying Milligan at every opportunity. At such times, Milligan will point at him and yell, "Evil!"
The other members of the cast often ribbed McDonald and ask why he hadn't named his character in the Hecubus scene — knowing full well that the character was named Simon — because fans typically would only remember Foley's part of the sketch. According to DVD commentary, McDonald was originally to play Hecubus, with McKinney as Simon; but McDonald lobbied for the role of Simon and, after winning it, insisted that Foley should play Hecubus. McKinney appeared at the end of the first sketch as Satan, who became a recurring character in his own right.
Police Department
Brief vignettes featuring McKinney and McCulloch as a pair of OPP officers, usually standing beside their squad car, making banal small-talk while rarely doing actual police work. One such sketch featured McKinney describing a homicide and police chase in technical detail, only to have it be revealed that he is describing a movie he saw (rather than an actual homicide), and has no idea what the story is with the actual dead body the two cops are standing over. The characters originated in the full-length sketch "On the Run", in which the two cops try to pursue a group of escaped convicts without looking conspicuous. According to DVD commentary, McKinney and McCulloch, during a break in shooting that particular sketch, began to improvise several short scenes revolving around those two characters for fun; some of their improvisations were incorporated into the show, and proved to be so popular they became a fixture of the show. The cops have the distinction of being the show's most frequently used recurring characters; they were also carried over into Death Comes to Town.
Prostitutes (Maudre and Jocelyn)
Maudre (Thompson) and Jocelyn (Foley) are prostitutes who solicit customers on the street. Maudre is blonde and brassy, but with a definite soft side. Jocelyn is a brunette from Quebec who speaks softly in a French Canadian accent. The two often pass the time by discussing aspects of their profession, such as whether they would accept an offer from an extraterrestrial. In another sketch, a policeman (McCulloch; see "Police Department" above) ineptly poses as a customer while his partner (McKinney), in uniform, stands a few feet away hoping to bust them. Kevin McDonald occasionally appeared as Rudy, their asthmatic pimp.
Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuk
A very bad garage band with no hope of ever becoming real rock stars, but nevertheless take themselves very seriously and argue constantly about every aspect of the band's career, sound and look. The sketches starred Bruce McCulloch as Rod (the drummer), Mark McKinney as Herman (the bass player), and Kevin McDonald as the lead guitarist. A recurring theme of the sketches was how McDonald's character, the only one with any real talent, is the least respected member of the group. (He is the only one whose name is not part of the group's name, and in one sketch, he is forced to begin paying the others a salary in order to avoid being kicked out of the band.) "Trampoline Girl" is just one of their many non-hits. ("She's a tramp, she's tramp, she's a trampoline girl...") In their appearance in the final episode, a "Rock and Roll Angel" (portrayed by Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson) appears from on high and shows them their wretched future ("You suck!"), but they still persist in believing that someday they will "make it".
Rod's last name could be written Torfason, Torfasson, Torfeson, Torfessen or Torfesson, actual Scandinavian names (usually Icelandic) and the name used in the sketch, though his name is clearly spelled on the bass drum as Rod Torfulson. It is commonly misspelled 'Torkelson'.
The Salesmen
McCulloch and McKinney played shady salesmen who would frequently give public presentations. Typically, McCulloch's character would appear in a public place giving a presentation of some sort on a product of dubious worth (such as a meat product called "Por-eef", a combo of pork and beef which tasted like cat food). In the middle of the presentation, McKinney, serving as McCulloch's shill, would emerge from the crowd and pretend to be an enthusiastic customer in complete awe of the product, even in situations that strained plausibility (such as McKinney pretending to be a sick child in a children's hospital). The scam would usually be successful, as each sketch ended with customers lining up to purchase the product and the two salesmen patting each other on the back.
Sizzler Sisters
Foley and McDonald played two clearly insane people (although they always introduced themselves as "not two clearly insane people"), who wore large wigs and identified themselves as Jerry and Jerry Sizzler, the Sizzler Sisters. They were usually seen doing insane things, such as robbing a bank in order to make a deposit. In one sketch, Foley's character (whose real name is revealed to be Lister) has become sane through medication, and is happily married. McDonald's character (whose real name was revealed to be Jean-Pierre) comes to Lister's apartment and urges him into become insane again, causing him stress and then withholding his medication. McDonald mentioned in an interview that he and Foley thought up the characters while running through the Kathie and Cathy beauty pageant sketch ("T.G.I.N.P.!"). Because they were bored, they started improvising that they were crazy people who escaped from an asylum; using the wigs (that they were wearing as background pageant contestants in the sketch) as their "disguises". They wrote the Sizzler & Sizzler sketch shortly thereafter.
Steps
Three stereotypical gays sit on the steps of a café discussing current events — particularly those concerning the gay community. Riley (Foley) is an effeminate airhead, "Butch" (Thompson) is an oversexed airhead who always talks about "hot" men, and Smitty (McDonald) is an intelligent fop who is always exasperated by the other two.
The "Steps" sketches commemorated a long-time touchstone in Toronto's gay community: a small series of steps running the length of an office and retail building in the Church Wellesley Village. Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, the steps were a classic meeting place and hangout for gay Torontonians. However, in 2003, the steps were remodeled to remove their inviting long stretches. The local businesses at the top of them — including a Second Cup coffee shop, bakery, Subway and convenience store — felt the large number of street kids hanging out there and the increasing occurrence of drug transactions and prostitution was hurting their businesses.
Tammy
Tammy (McCulloch) is a vapid teen pop star who sings in a breathy monotone; her songs are bland, repetitive, and somewhat nonsensical. In her first appearance, she is introduced as a protégée of Buddy Cole, but at the end of the sketch he realizes that Tammy no longer needs his help. Tammy is known for her vague, noncommittal replies to questions asked of her, and for being seemingly incapable of any complex thought. Her hits include "Dance", "Perhaps", and "Ain't Gonna Spread for No Roses."
The Two Geralds
McCulloch and McKinney played businessmen who shared both a first name and very similar personalities. Both Geralds are friendly to people's faces and condescending behind their backs. Despite the fact that they appear to work at different companies, they are friends who frequently phone each other and hang out together. Their conversation consists mainly of bouts of humorous negotiations and mockery of their associates or other business rivals.

Other sketches

Anal-Probing Aliens
Two extra-terrestrials (played by Foley and McDonald) are on a spaceship orbiting the Earth. They have just abducted a redneck and are in the middle of inserting a probe into his anus. After a scream of pain from the victim, they erase his memory and send him back to Earth. They then proceed to have a coffee break, during which Foley's character begins pondering the point of what they do. "We travel 250,000 light years across the universe, abduct humans, probe them anally, and release them." McDonald's alien does not understand why the other is questioning the leadership of the "Great Leader." Foley's alien goes on to say that in the 50 years they've been doing this, the only thing they've learned is that "1 in 10 doesn't really seem to mind" and that he suspects their "Great Leader" may be "just some sort of twisted ass freak." Foley argues that they should at least probe political or religious leaders instead of "any idiot in a pickup truck." McDonald then suggests he should get a hobby, providing an example of his own: amateur rectal photographer. To which he offers Foley a chance to see his portfolio, when asked if he'd like to see it, Foley responds; "No, I would hate to!" McDonald retorts; "Fine screw you!" Foley responds in kind; "Well, screw you!" The sketch ends.[4]
Arms in a Tank
Workers (this is stretching the term) who are paid to keep their arms in a vat of dead fish, are shocked and appalled to find a machine replacing them. Much of the sketch's humour comes from the fact that it is not indicated why exactly one would be able to make a business out of such a seemingly unnecessary task as keeping one's arms in a vat of fish.
Bike Tire Thief
Bruce McCulloch, as himself, reads an open letter to the unknown person who stole his bike's front tire. He then reads another open letter, this time to the people who watched the act take place and did nothing to stop it.[5]
The Cause of Cancer
Dave Foley, as himself, addresses the audience and informs them that the Kids have done something very unusual for a comedy troupe; while rehearsing this past week, they discovered the cause of cancer. He brings Bruce McCulloch on stage to explain more about it. With some reluctance, McCulloch finally admits, "I'm sorry I caused all that cancer."[6]
Comfortable
Two couples, after finishing a meal together, sit down to chat. Bram (Thompson) unfastens his pants; his wife Nina (McKinney) is slightly embarrassed, but the other couple insist that it's all right, that they shouldn't feel embarrassed about doing anything in front of old friends. Bram proceeds to take the idea to the extreme, first flirting and then copulating with the other woman (McDonald) while her unconcerned husband Tom (Foley) chats with Nina about his own impotence and his past experimentation with homosexuality. Nina, trying to join in the spirit of defying convention, confesses that she and Bram hated the lamp that the other couple once gave them; this is too much, and the party is ruined.[7]
The Eradicator
McCulloch plays a squash obsessed executive, who, parodying masked wrestlers, walks around wearing a black ski mask, and never reveals his secret identity, calling himself "The Eradicator", which he often yells in a high-pitched voice while he plays his favorite game.
Girl Drink Drunk
Foley plays a businessman, Ray, who is having a meeting at a bar with his boss (McDonald). His boss is telling Ray that he has been promoted to Vice President, and offers to buy him a drink. Ray demurs, saying he never drinks because he doesn't like the taste of alcohol. Ray's boss tells him that there are drinks "that taste like candy, girl drinks", and orders him a "Chocolate Choo Choo". Ray tries it, and soon his life is spiraling out of control as he goes from bar to bar seeking out "girl drinks". At one point, we see Ray in his office, sneaking a blender into a supply closet so he can make a Margarita. Ray loses his job due to his drinking, and at the end of the sketch, we see Ray, homeless, in a park, getting a kid to buy him a milkshake to pour booze into.
Hey You Millionaires!
The first sketch to appear on television, in the pilot episode, Bruce McCulloch drinks some water and looks out the window to see three millionaires (Foley, McDonald, and Thompson) rummaging through his garbage cans out his window. He shouts, "Hey you millionaires! Get out of my garbage!" and, dropping the garbage, the three run away. The Chicago comedy trio, Hey You Millionaires, took their name from this sketch. (see surreal humor.)
Love and Sausages
One of the more surreal short films in the show, containing minimal dialogue and apparently set in a dystopian future society. It features a man (McCulloch) who works at a sausage factory and falls in love with a woman who works there kissing the boxes so they have the company's lipstick logo. Too nervous to talk to her, the man, who had stolen some sausages for his crazy, sausage-obsessed father (Thompson), leaves them on her doorstep and leaves. Knowing he can never lead a normal life while caring for his gibbering idiot father, he resigns himself to loneliness.
My Pen!
One sketch featured an employee (McCulloch) at a counter who loans a customer (McDonald) his ballpoint. After conducting his business, the customer absentmindedly pockets the pen and walks off. The employee sets off in a mad pursuit, all the while screaming "MY PEN!" The employee chases the customer outside, in time to see him climbing into a taxi. He has horrific fantasies of the customer sticking the pen into his ear, using it to stab a bystander, and reinserting the bloody pen into his own ear. The employee chases the taxi down the street and, leaping through the air, lands on the vehicle, holding onto the passenger side door with his finger tips. After a drive around town, the taxi pulls over, the customer issues a cursory apology before returning the pen, after which the employee curls up with it in the street, and some of his co-workers come out with a comfort blanket to collect him. The sketch ends with another customer asking for the pen, only for the audience to see that the employee now wears a large, weighty helmet with a chinstrap and a chain attached at the forehead, the other end of which secures the pen. This short film, as well as many other Kids In The Hall shorts, was directed by Michael Kennedy.[8]
Reg
Five men (played by all the Kids) are sitting around a campfire in a junkyard, drinking toasts to their dead friend Reg and reminiscing about the good times they had with him. Although they start out talking about typical things such as his generosity and his ice skating skill, they gradually reveal that they ritualistically murdered him.[9] The sketch is mentioned in the last episode, where children take the roles of the Kids and reenact the beginning of the sketch, with the camera zooming out to reveal the scene is being played on a TV, and McKinney notes how far the Kids have come since the show first aired "all those years ago".
Running Faggot
Bruce McCulloch and Mark McKinney sing a song about a "great folk hero", "Running Faggot" (played by Scott Thompson). Running Faggot aids various people while running through the wilderness, including a boy whose puppy is hungry (Kevin McDonald) by suggesting he feed it puppy food, and a gunman surrounded by "ten thousand angry Indians on all sides" by asking if he had ever thought of "talking".
The Daves I Know
While singing a song, Bruce McCulloch walks around a city block, introducing the camera to his many acquaintances called 'Dave'. One of these Daves, Dave Capisano, is unfamiliar to McCulloch, who sings "I hardly know him", then looks vaguely uncomfortable for the rest of the song's lyricless measure.[10] The song was later included on McCulloch's 1995 album, Shame-Based Man, along with other KiTH-related material.
Trappers
Jacques (Foley) and François (McDonald) are colonial era French trappers who paddle a canoe through the cube farm of an office building in a modern-day city, hunting businessmen and women for their pelts (their expensive designer suits). Upon seeing a maimed businessman hobble away after chewing off his own leg to free himself from a bear trap, Jacques tells François to let him go, as his strong spirit may one day make him vice-president. At night, the trappers make camp around a campfire in the office and promise each other not to over hunt this new game like they did the beaver in times past. At the end of the sketch, Foley and McDonald paddle their canoe to a local clothier owned by Thompson, and reveal their bounty, including "many fine Armani" from "yesterday's kill." They like to sing the song "Alouette" (which appropriately enough, originated with the French-Canadian fur trade). Foley and McDonald would later reprise the characters opposite Scott Thompson's Buddy Cole in the episode-length sketch "Chalet 2000".
Whole Lotta Milka (aka Nervous Break[fast] Down)
Kevin McDonald plays a middle-aged man who goes insane after finding out his wife is cheating on him. In the sketch, he gets up in the "morning" (actually 3:45 in the afternoon) and while sitting at the breakfast table, comments out loud to his son on random things he reads in the news paper ("Earth-quake-a... Whole lotta shaking goin' on down there..." and "What's number one in the chartsssss? Bell Biv DeVoe..."), slowly repeating the word or phrases each time ("Gonna have some... corn flakesssssss. Gonna have some... corn flakessssssss."). He then proceeds to have Corn Flakes with a "whole lotta milka", which means filling the cereal bowl with milk to the point where it overflows. After proclaiming that he is going to fix the car and that he can't fix the car without "a whole lotta milka," he then goes outside into the garden and waters the plants with the rest of the milk.[11]

Running gags

  • As the show was produced in Toronto, there are numerous references to the city's professional sports teams, the Blue Jays and the Maple Leafs.
  • The phrase "took me to a Leafs game" was used as a euphemism for an attempted male-on-male sexual encounter. The gag originated in a sketch in which Scott Thompson played a homophobic man who took offense at another man's (McKinney) attempt to seduce him by taking him to a Maple Leafs game: "Every time I come to this city, some guy picks me up at the bus station, takes me to a Leaf game, gets me pissed, then tries to blow me. Why can't people like me for me?"[12]
  • In the Cheers argument, two characters argue which leading actress was better in the show, Shelley Long or Kirstie Alley. The argument stems from an inside joke between Foley and McDonald, who debated this issue in real life.[13] Cheers and its leading ladies are mentioned in multiple episodes by multiple characters, such as Francesca Fiore,[14] the OPP Officers,[15] Captain Wonderful and the Winged Avenger,[16] and even the Kids portraying themselves.[17]

Episodes

DVD releases

A&E Home Video has released the entire series on DVD in Region 1. On October 31, 2006, they released a 20-Disc box set of the complete series titled The Kids in the Hall: Complete Series Megaset 1989–1994. The HBO special pilot was released on DVD on August 14, 2007 through Medialink Entertainment, a VDI Entertainment Company, in two editions: a regular edition and a special "Headcrushing" edition. It had never been released on home video before. Medium Rare Entertainment released a Region 2 "best of" DVD on September 24, 2007. Rights to The Kids in the Hall are owned by Broadway Video. A tour-exclusive DVD, produced in cooperation with Crackle and released as a part of the "Live As We'll Ever Be!" tour (2008), features the 50-minute retrospective and Q&A held on January 26, 2008.

DVD Name Ep # Release Date
Pilot Episode (HBO Special) 1 August 14, 2007
Season 1 20 + 2 best-of episodes April 27, 2004
Season 2 20 + 2 best-of episodes November 16, 2004
Season 3 20 + 2 best-of episodes October 25, 2005
Season 4 20 + 2 best-of episodes May 30, 2006
Season 5 21 + 1 best-of episode October 31, 2006
The Complete Series 101 + 9 best-of episodes October 31, 2006
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy
(1996)
2002
Kids in the Hall: Same Guys, New Dresses 2000
Kids in the Hall: Tour of Duty 2002
SF Sketchfest Tribute: The Kids in the Hall 2008

End of the show and beyond

Paul Bellini dances on the cast's grave.

The final episode featured resolutions for several recurring characters, including Armada, Buddy Cole, and the secretaries of AT & Love. As the closing credits play, the cast is shown being buried alive, their tombstone inscription reading, The Kids in the Hall TV Show 1989–1995 (though the pilot aired in 1988). At the episode's conclusion, Paul Bellini, one of the show's writers, dances on their grave while uttering the last line of the series, "Thank God that's finally over!"[18] (Although Bellini appeared in many sketches, this was only the second time he ever spoke, and the first time he spoke while "in character" as Paul Bellini.)

Brain Candy

After the show ended its run, the troupe came together to produce a movie, Brain Candy, featuring a few characters from the show and many new ones. Although not a commercial success, the movie developed a cult following with their devoted fans.

Tours

2000 North American Tour

In 2000, the troupe reformed for a successful North American tour, reprising many sketches from the show. The sketch line-up for the 2000 show was:

  1. AT & Love Reunion
  2. Mr. Heavyfoot Finds His Seat
  3. Buddy Cole – The Year 2000
  4. Cops!
  5. Daddy's Dyin'
  6. Head Crusher / Face Pincher
  7. Jesus 2000!
  8. Sir Simon Milligan & Hecubus in: The Pit of Ultimate Darkness
  9. Gavin: Painting a chair
  10. Comfortable
  11. Sandwich People
  12. Chicken Lady's Date
  13. Power of the Suburbs
  14. Bloody Salty Ham
  15. Monologue by Brian on having a party when Fran and Gordon go on Vacation
  16. Love Me
  17. Fran: Brian's Bombshell
  18. Jesus Christ Superstar
  19. Encore: To Reg

At some shows:

  1. Running Faggot
  2. The Poker Game

The tour was chronicled in a documentary, Kids in the Hall: Same Guys, New Dresses, which followed the next year. This was then followed by the "Tour of Duty" and a DVD based on those performances, released in 2002.

"Just for Laughs" ("Juste Pour Rire") Comedy Festival

In July 2007, the troupe reunited to perform at the 25th Annual "Just for Laughs" ("Juste Pour Rire") Comedy Festival in Montreal.

The Just For Laughs show premiered around 90 minutes of new material. While certain characters made reappearances (Buddy Cole, Mr. Tyzik and McKinney and McCulloch's "smooth-talking" salesmen) the rest of the show revolved around entirely new material. Typically good-humored, the group poked numerous jokes at their own recent weight gain and the state of their post-Kids acting careers.

Among the sketches:

  • The Kids plan a new show. For the opening they decide to rape McDonald to the theme from Footloose.
  • Salesmen (McCulloch and McKinney) promote a device which can siphon fat from the American gut and use it to power SUVs.
  • "Carfuckers": a group of mechanics who share a "love for which there is no name." The sketch was produced by an internet studio called "60Frames Entertainment."[19]
  • Gavin encounters Jehovah's Witnesses (one of two sketches recreated from the television show).
  • Foley and McDonald get drunk; Foley tells McDonald he has created a time machine with which he can "defeat last call."
  • Foley travels back in time to receive oral sex from his wife (McCulloch), who would only perform the act on his birthday.
  • Foley travels back in time to kill Hitler (Thompson) but instead accidentally inspires his anti-semitism.
  • A couple (Foley and McDonald) discover their friends (Thompson and McCulloch) have spawned a very hateful baby.
  • Two exceptionally literate rat-catchers (McCulloch and McKinney) look for a used futon.
  • Buddy Cole speculates that Jesus was homosexual.
  • Kathy (McCulloch) and Cathy (Thompson) reunite for lunch in a restaurant, where Kathy extols the virtues of "tweeking" with Meth.
  • Foley is approached by a "fan" (Thompson) while waiting for the subway.
  • A McCulloch monologue about how skinny Nicole Ritchie is.
  • McCulloch performs a three-chord song which he has not finished writing.
  • Foley and McCulloch fight over an imaginary girlfriend.
  • The Chicken Lady has phone sex (one of two sketches recreated from the television show).
  • The relationship woes of a gay couple (Foley and Thompson) are placated with the help of another married gay couple known as Peter and the Professor (McDonald and McKinney).
  • Superdrunk: a superhero who stops crimes by drinking (McCulloch), assisted by his trusty sidekick, the bartender (Foley).
  • The show finished with Mr. Tyzik (McKinney) mocking the mannerisms and careers of each member of the troupe, after which he promptly crushed their heads.

The group also performed on January 26–27, 2008 at the SF Sketchfest. On January 26 there was a retrospective and Q&A with the group. The group performed on January 27.

2008 North American Tour

On April 4, 2008, The Kids in the Hall embarked on their first major national tour in six years. The tour ran through early June 2008 and included more than 30 markets in the US and Canada. The tour features some material from the 2007 "Just for Laughs" performance along with new material.[20]

The 2008 tour closely mirrored the "Just for Laughs" performance, excluding the rat catchers, subway fan and Nicole Ritchie sketches. In their stead, Mark McKinney performed the monologue titled "The Modern Hero" from Season 1 of the show, and the entire cast performed the sketch "This Is How I Danced In Tenth Grade."

Other appearances

Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald performed with The Barenaked Ladies on their "Ships and Dip V" cruise, along with other bands and comics, on February 1–6, 2009.[21]

The group appeared on the front cover of Naked Eye's summer 2008 edition.

The Kids performed at the 2008 Comedy Festival in Las Vegas on November 22.[22]

Death Comes to Town

In July of 2008 Telefilm Canada annouced that there would be a new Kids in the Hall television series titled Death Comes to Town.[23] The Kids' Kevin McDonald stated that it would be an eight-part miniseries airing first on CBC in Canada and then on US television.[24] The series began shooting in August 2009 in North Bay, Mattawa and Sturgeon Falls, Ontario. Several characters from the original Kids in the Hall series are expected to make an appearance; to date, the OPP Officers and Chicken Lady have done so. The first episode of the new series aired in Canada on CBC on January 13, 2010.

Awards and honors

The TV series received international recognition with the 1993 Rose d'Or, awarded in Montreux, Switzerland.

On June 3, 2008, it was announced that the entire group would receive a star on Canada's Walk of Fame.[25]

See also

Notes

  1. ^ "Still Kidding Around". NWI.com. http://www.nwitimes.com/articles/2008/04/08/entertainment/entertainment/doca531a0d53bb28c5b8625741f00543acb.txt. Retrieved 2008-10-25. 
  2. ^ For years this was erroneously attributed to Jack Benny, though the Kids themselves offer a corrected version of the origin of the troupe's name on the DVD release of the show's pilot episode.
  3. ^ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091202/
  4. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/four/analprob.html
  5. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/bikewheel.html
  6. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/brucecancer.html
  7. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/two/oldfriends.html
  8. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/pen.html
  9. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/pilot/pilot.html#Reg
  10. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/davesino.html
  11. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/milka.html
  12. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/vampirefag.html
  13. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/interact/faq1.html
  14. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/417.html
  15. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/two/slong.html
  16. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/315.html
  17. ^ http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/troupemeet.html
  18. ^ Transcript of final show
  19. ^ Car Fuckers Video By 60Frames Entertainment
  20. ^ Kids in the Hall announce 2008 tour by Sara Miller for Paste Magazine
  21. ^ http://www.shipsanddip.com/
  22. ^ http://www.thecomedyfestival.com/
  23. ^ New KiTH film, under "Ontario & Nunavut Regions"
  24. ^ Campos, Nicole. "The Kids In the Hall Storm Vegas!" L.A. Weekly. Retrieved on 08-11-12.
  25. ^ "Steve Nash, kd lang among new Walk of Fame inductees". CTV.ca. 2008-06-03. http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080603/walk_fame_080603/20080603?hub=TopStories. Retrieved 2008-06-03. 

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

The Kids in the Hall was a Canadian sketch comedy group, consisting of comedians Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney and Scott Thompson that formed in 1984. They starred in a television show that ran from 1989-1994, produced and starred in a movie in 1996, and reunited for a tour in 2000.

Contents

The Kids in the Hall

The Head Crusher

Mr. Tyzik: I'm crushing your head. I'm crushing your head!

Season 1

Episode 1

Cause of Cancer

Bruce McCullough: I'm sorry I caused all that throat cancer and all that bowel cancer. I was just on a roll.
Dave Foley: And?
Bruce McCullough: And I won't do it again.

Episode 11

The Gun Fighter

  • Dave Foley: I once shot a man just to watch him die, then I got distracted and missed it. Oh my friends tried to describe it to me, but it just isn't the same.

Episode 20

Dr. Seuss Bible

  • Jesus (Scott Thompson): For they walk through this life in toe-crampity shoes.

Season 2

Episode 2

The Pit of Ultimate Darkness

  • Sir Simon Milligan (Kevin McDonald): Now, for those of you with a brave heart and for those of you who have stayed, look into my face and know, to look into my face is to look into the face..of EVIL!

Episode 3

Darill's Blind Date

  • Darill: (to date) You look alarmed! Is it because you find something alarming?

Episode 9

Daddy Drank

  • "Daddy" (Dave Foley): All right now, son, I want you to get a good night's rest. And remember, I could murder you while you sleep. It's easy, son, all you have to do is be quiet and willing to do it. And son, I am willing to do it. And, I've got quiet shoes. Good night, son. Sleep well.

Season 5

Episode 11

Communist Threat

  • Dave Foley: So when people say to me let sleeping dogs lie, I say to them, friend, sleeping dogs...they eventually wake up...and chew out the throat of democracy!

The Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996)

  • German Patient: The nipples of Mother Hope have run dry.
  • Cisco (Bruce McCullough): Soak it up you ugly sponge.
  • Raymond Hurdicure (Dave Foley): Sorry we're late Ma, but you know how the kids hate old people.
  • Grivo: I wanna talk about drugs.
    Audience: Heroin?
    Grivo: No. Not heroin.
    Audience: Speed?
    Grivo: No. Not speed.
    Audience: Hashish?
    Grivo: No, not even hashish.
    Audience: (beat) Horse tranquilizers?
    Grivo: No. Not horse tranquilizers. I just heard about a drug that makes you happy. I just want to say... (looks at the crowd) ...fuck happy!
  • Scientist: It was only a couple of Flipper babies!
  • Cab driver: When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • Wally: Tell me, doc...why do those...types, think I'm one of them?
    Therapist:Because...you are one of them. You are gay. You-you-you are gay, you are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! Everybody knows it but you!
  • Don: You know, those words hurt. But you must realize they come from a man who's gone mad with depression. Unfortunately, it seems to happen to some of our greatest geniuses. People like Oppenheimer, Schweitzer, Boxcar Willie...
  • Mrs. Hurdicure's son: Sorry we're a few hours late, there, Ma, but you know how the kids... uh... hate old people.
  • Mrs. Hurdicure's son: So I hear Dad's dead, hey is that eggnog?
  • Chris: Cat on my head!
  • Drill sergeant: YOU... ARE... SCUM! Do you hear me soldier?
    Wally: Yes, sir!
    Drill sergeant: Do you know what we are going to be doing today?
    Wally: No, sir!
    Drill sergeant: We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day! [Wally smiles] Do you think that's funny, soldier?
    Wally: No, sir!
    Drill sergeant: Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! BIG... muscles, HARD... muscles!
    Wally: Oh, yesss, sir!

External links

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