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"The Marine Biologist"
Seinfeld episode
Sein ep514.jpg
George showing the golf ball he found in the whale's blowhole.
Episode no. Season 5
Episode 78
Written by Ron Hauge & Charlie Rubin
Directed by Tom Cherones
Original airdate February 10, 1994
Guest stars

Carol Kane

Season 5 episodes
Seinfeld – Season 5
September 1993 – May 1994
  1. "The Mango"
  2. "The Puffy Shirt"
  3. "The Glasses"
  4. "The Sniffing Accountant"
  5. "The Bris"
  6. "The Lip Reader"
  7. "The Non-Fat Yogurt"
  8. "The Barber"
  9. "The Masseuse"
  10. "The Cigar Store Indian"
  11. "The Conversion"
  12. "The Stall"
  13. "The Dinner Party"
  14. "The Marine Biologist"
  15. "The Pie"
  16. "The Stand In"
  17. "The Wife"
  18. "The Raincoats, Part 1"
  19. "The Raincoats, Part 2"
  20. "The Fire"
  21. "The Hamptons"
  22. "The Opposite"
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Marine Biologist" is the seventy-eighth episode of the American sitcom Seinfeld. This was the 14th episode for the 5th season. It was originally broadcast on NBC on February 10, 1994. Jerry Seinfeld considers the episode to be one of his favorites.

Contents

Plot

While having a conversation with Elaine about his favorite yellow t-shirt, "Golden Boy" (which, due to its age, is "dying"), Jerry tells her the novel War and Peace was originally called War, What is it Good For? (a reference to Edwin Starr's hit song "War"). Kramer gives Elaine an electronic organizer. Also he has acquired a stash of Titleist golf balls and decides to practice his driving skills by hitting them into the ocean rather than a driving range. Jerry meets a female friend from college (Rosalind Allen), and claims that George is a marine biologist. George, who now is expecting a call from her, is upset because he prefers to lie about being an architect.

Elaine shares what Jerry told her with a Russian author, Yuri Testikov, who is being courted by Pendant Publishing, her company. Upon hearing Elaine's electronic organizer beep repeatedly, he angrily tosses it out of the window of the limousine they were sharing.

Kramer returns home in humiliation, having missed every ball except one, and becomes obsessed with getting sand out of his clothing. At the beach, George keeps lying about his job when he is called upon to use his nonexistent marine biology skills to save a beached whale. Later, Jerry receives a phone call from an unknown woman (Carol Kane) who sees his phone number in the organizer after it hit her in the head while she was walking down the street. The two meet at Monk's Cafe and the woman won't return the organizer, which is Elaine's, to Jerry until she is compensated for her hospital bill.

Elaine wants Testikov to pay for the woman, so she and Jerry go to confront him in his hotel room. Elaine carries a tape recorder in her bag, Testikov hears a noise and thinks they are spying on him; he reacts by throwing the tape recorder out the window, hitting the same woman in the head while she waits outside to return the electronic organizer. Meanwhile, while trying to get sand out of his shoe, Kramer accidentally drops it out of his apartment window, hitting Newman who happens to be walking beneath.

The episode ends with George's dramatic retelling of his struggle with the whale, ultimately revealing that the whale's blowhole had been blocked by a Titleist golf ball. Kramer responds "hole in one." George also told their college friend the truth about not being a marine biologist and was told to go to hell. Elaine then asks Jerry what happened to "Golden Boy": though it did in fact "die," it's been replaced by a new shirt, "Baby Blue."

Quotes

Kramer (very excited): Hey!
George: Hey.
Kramer (still excited): Who wants to have some fun?!
Jerry: I do!
George: I do!
Kramer (even more excited): Are you just sayin' you wanna have fun, or do you really wanna have fun?!
Jerry: I really wanna have fun!
George: I'm just sayin' I wanna have fun.
Kramer (increasingly more excited): Right now, there are 600 Titleists that I got at the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rockaway and hit 'em...into the ocean? Now, picture this...we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our drivers, we tee up, and...
(Kramer mimes swinging a golf club.)
Kramer (more excited than ever): That ball goes sailin' up into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then...
(With a spread of the arms and a huge enthusiastic grin, Kramer imitates the sound of a golf ball hitting the water.)


George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys...I was terrified. But I pressed on, and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment...I was a marine biologist!
Elaine (Sitting down): George I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's unbelievable!
George: I know, I was just telling them the story.
Kramer: Come on, George, finish the story.
George (Cont.): The sea was angry that day, my friends... Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out, and suddenly...the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot! As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him! Face to face with the blowhole! I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction! (George pulls an object out of his coat - the one golf ball that Kramer managed to hit into the ocean. Jerry and Elaine stare in astonishment. Kramer looks a little sheepish.)
Kramer: (In disbelief) What, is that a Titleist?
(George nods.)
Kramer: Hole in one, huh?


Jerry: Now, I should tell you...that at this point, she's under the impression that you're...a...uh.
George: A what?
Jerry: A marine biologist.
George: [Pauses] A marine biologist?
Jerry: Yes.
George: Why am I a marine biologist?
Jerry: I may have mentioned it.
George: But I'm not a marine biologist.
Jerry: Yes, I know that.
George: So...
Jerry: What? You don't think it's a good job?
George: I didn't know it was a job.
Jerry: Oh, it's a fascinating field.

Superman reference

  • Jerry: Hey! You know, when Superman saves someone, nobody asks if he's trying to hit on her!
Elaine: Well, you're not Superman.
Jerry: And you're not Lois Lane.

Trivia

  • Co-creator Larry David can be heard, in the climactic scene, yelling "Is anyone here a marine biologist?"
  • The production crew actually created a very lifelike CGI whale to be inserted into the scenes on the beach. However, it was ultimately decided that the scene worked better if the whale remained unseen, and the CGI whale was not used in the episode.
  • According to Jerry Seinfeld's commentary on the DVD extras, he and Larry David wrote George's monologue about finding the golf ball in a rare late-night writing session the night before shooting. Jason Alexander quickly memorized it and, without rehearsal, nailed it in one take. Seinfeld said that the audience response to the end of George's story is one of the longest sustained laughs by the Seinfeld studio audience in the show's history, rivaled by the response to Kramer's line "I'm out" from Season 4's "The Contest", George running out of the bathroom with his pants down and falling from Season 3's "The Boyfriend", and Elaine's final line "Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties and they're all laid out for me" in Season 4's "The Cheever Letters."
  • In syndication, this episode doesn't feature Jerry's stand-up comedy routine.
  • Near the end of the episode, Newman is seen, whistling the traditional Cuban song "Guantanamera," before getting hit in the head with Kramer's boot.
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