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The New Adventures of Old Christine
Christine Logo.jpg
Series original logo
Format Sitcom
Created by Kari Lizer
Starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Clark Gregg
Hamish Linklater
Trevor Gagnon
Emily Rutherfurd
Tricia O'Kelley
Alex Kapp Horner
Wanda Sykes
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 5
No. of episodes 89 (List of episodes)
Production
Camera setup Multi-camera
Running time 23 minutes
Broadcast
Original channel CBS
Picture format 480i (SDTV)
1080i (HDTV)
Original run March 13, 2006 (2006-03-13) – present
External links
Official website

The New Adventures of Old Christine is an American comedy series starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus as a recently divorced single mother. The series debuted as a midseason replacement on March 13, 2006 on CBS and is currently broadcasting the fifth season, which premiered on September 23, 2009.

Contents

Plot summary

In the show, Julia Louis-Dreyfus stars as Christine Campbell, a neurotic divorced mother and owner of a women's gym who is in a constant struggle to keep pace with those around her. A frequent fixture in her life is her irresponsible ex-husband Richard, played by Clark Gregg, whose new girlfriend, played by Emily Rutherfurd, is also named Christine, hence the nickname "Old Christine" for the Julia Louis-Dreyfus' character. Christine lives with her son Richie and her brother Matthew, played by Hamish Linklater, while Wanda Sykes portrays Christine's best friend and colleague Barb. Christine also struggles with her inferiority complex with the snotty "meanie-moms", played by Alex Kapp Horner and Tricia O'Kelley at her son's private school.

The show has featured supporting roles for a wide range of established actors including Blair Underwood, Dave Foley, Eric McCormack, Jennifer Grey, Scott Bakula, Andy Richter and Jane Lynch.

The first season consisted of thirteen episodes and premiered on March 13, 2006. In this season Christine has only just enrolled her son, Richie at a new posh private school, where she is constantly being humiliated by Marly and Lindsay, some non-working mothers at the school. On top of all this she has just discovered her ex-husband, Richard has started dating a much younger woman who is also named Christine. Christine has a brief fling with Burton but they soon break up due to Christine not being able to commit to the relationship. In the season finale Christine kisses Richard, causing him to break up with New Christine.

The second season consisted of twenty two episodes and premiered on September 18, 2006. Due to Richard and Christine's brief kiss, Richie believes that his parents have gotten back together much to his parents' dismay. Christine starts dating an older man who she later discovers is New Christine's father, this situation causes Richard and New Christine to rekindle their romance once again. Barb decides to start working at the gym with Christine, while Christine falls hard for Richie's new teacher, Mr. Harris. The season finale included Richard sleeping with Christine after breaking up with New Christine yet again. This causes a pregnancy scare for Christine which is soon avoided. Eventually, New Christine takes Richard back and Mr. Harrris takes a new teaching job at another school to be with Christine.

The third season consisted of just ten episodes, due to the 2007 writer's strike. Christine and Mr. Harris have a smooth going relationship, until Christine's schedule becomes too hectic midway through the season causing Mr. Harris to leave her. Meanwhile, Richard and New Christine take their relationship up a notch and buy a house together, which coincidentally is Christine's dream house leaving her feeling jealous and confused. Barb leaves her husband and she has a short-lived fling with Matthew much to Christine's horror.

The fourth season consisting of twenty two episodes, premiered on September 24, 2008. As Barb is divorced she is facing deportation from the U.S. so Christine decides to marry her in a sham lesbian marriage in order to keep her best friend in the country. Richard and New Christine become engaged while Matthew finds love with one of his clients. Christine has a brief relationship with an obsessive man named Patrick, while her and Barb decide to turn their gym into a spa which they later shockingly discover has turned into a brothel. On the day of Richard and New Christine's wedding, Christine briefly gets back together with New Christine's father, but is later left heart broken when she discovers that he is engaged. This causes Richard to rush to Christine's side leaving New Christine angry and jealous causing her to leave him at the altar. Meanwhile Barb and Christine's sham marriage is discovered by an INS officer leaving Barb imprisoned.

Cast

Main Cast

  • Christine Campbell (née Kimble) (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), the main character of the series, is a divorced mother who owns and operates a gym for women. She has a number of neuroses: although she suffers from feelings of inadequacy, she can also be highly self-centered and self-obsessed. Christine's bad luck with relationships continued after her divorce, and included failed relationships with New Christine's father, her son's teacher and her ex-brother-in-law. Christine is obsessed with being seen as socially progressive and liberal, and recently married her best friend Barb when she risked being deported, though this marriage ended shortly due to the fact that it in no way protected Barb. Christine currently is in another dysfunctional relationship, as she has romantic feelings for her therapist Max.
  • Richard Campbell (Clark Gregg), is Christine's ex-husband, who maintains a frequent presence in her life. After divorcing Christine, he found love with another woman named Christine, whom he nicknames "New Christine". He suffers from commitment issues, and only recently did he finally get engaged. Richard's presence on his ex-wife's life caused a strain between himself and New Christine, which heightened when she walked out on their wedding. Richard has finally accepted the fact she doesn't want him back, but although Richard is currently single, New Christine showed up on his doorstep a month later furious, revealing she is pregnant.
  • Matthew Kimble (Hamish Linklater), is Christine's live-in brother, who often acts as the straight man to his neurotic sister. Matthew has had trouble finding a career path: first he entered and then quit medical school, and is currently pursuing a career as a therapist. He suffers from a somewhat unnatural attachment to his mother (who he kisses on the mouth and speaks to several times daily), but recently lost loves with many women, and is left heartbroken. Matthew finally moved out of Christine's and is currently sharing a nice apartment with Richard.
  • Barbara Baran (Wanda Sykes), is Christine's straight-talking best friend and colleague at the gym (whom she often calls "my black friend Barb"). Barb is divorced and in the fourth season was revealed to be from the Bahamas and not a US citizen. She has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and is rarely enthused by any of Christine's plans. Barb and Christine got married early in season four to save Barb from deportation, but their same-sex marriage ended up resulting in them losing ownership of their gym. Since they lost the gym, Barb sold her condo to build up a new business and is married to Richard to stave off deportation. She's also engaged to Dave, a man she met at the wedding. Unfortunately, in reality, Dave hates Barb and thought proposing to her would break them up, but instead she accepted.
  • Christine Hunter (Emily Rutherfurd), is Richard's former fiance, an often frustrated and confused young blonde whom he nicknames "New Christine". She is annoyed by Richard's continued friendship with Old Christine, who treats her with derision, leading to friction between the two women. She is also frustrated with Richard's slow pace of commitment to their relationship. She walked out on their wedding, and she currently is single and holds intense anger towards Richard for ruining their wedding, and also became furious to learn she is pregnant, even though Richard told her he got a vasectomy.
  • Ritchie Campbell (Trevor Gagnon), Christine and Richard's only son, who attends a posh private school. Often smothered by his mother, his lack of masculine traits had recently begun to worry his father.
  • Marly and Lindsay (Tricia O'Kelley and Alex Kapp Horner), aka 'The Mean Mommies' are two mean, rich mothers whose children attend Richie's school. They are looked upon as the 'queen bees' of the school, although Marly is clearly dominant to the subservient Lindsay (Lindsay even got pregnant when Marly did so Marly wouldn't have to do it alone). They frequently make Christine feel inferior, leading Christine to constantly trying to find ways to get back at them.

Supporting Cast

  • Mike Gay (Tom Papa), Christine's only friend at Westbridge, as he is similar to Christine in that he is not wealthy and divorced. (Season 3)
  • Stan / "Sad Dad" (Andy Richter), divorced and mocked father at Westbridge that Christine finds herself unable to not sleep with. She later announces why she finds him so irresistible. (Seasons 1-3)
  • 'Papa' Jeff Hunter (Scott Bakula), originally Christine's love interest, but soon finds out is 'New' Christine's father. They continue to date for a while after but eventually becomes too much for Christine. At New Christine and Richard's wedding, Jeff and Christine rekindle their relationship. Christine realizes shortly after this he is engaged. (Season 2,4)
  • Tom (Dave Foley), Richard's work associate and obsesser of Christine. After he got sick on their disastrous first date, they bonded later in the series, but Christine still refused to see him. Richard set them up yet again, and this time Christine used him for his money, but Tom left her after he though Christine's attempted seduction of him as "repulsive". (Seasons 2-3, 5)
  • Daniel Harris (Blair Underwood), former teacher of Ritchie until he gave it up to date Christine. Christine had been in love with him for a long time and although dating goes well, it eventually becomes too much for Daniel because of Christine's schedule. (Seasons 2-3, 5)
  • Ali (Amy Farrington), quiet, shy and surprisingly witty worker at the gym. (Seasons 1-4)
  • Mrs. Belt (Jordan Baker), Ritchie's third grade teacher. (Season 1)
  • Burton Shaffer (Matt Letscher), Christine's on-and-off romantic interest. She always finds herself stupidly splitting them up until Burton had therapy. They dated again but he was so different and strange Christine couldn't take it. (Seasons 1-2)
  • Ashley (Lily Goff), Marly's air-headed daughter. (Seasons 1-5)
  • Kelsey (Marissa Blanchard), Lindsay's daughter with lesbian tendencies. (Seasons 1-5)
  • Kit/Mrs. Nunley (Nancy Lenehan), peppy principal of Ritchie's school. Nancy Lenehan, before recurring as Mrs. Nunley, guest starred in season one as a completely different character. (Seasons 1-2, 5)
  • Pete (Anthony Holiday), ex-husband of Barb. Seems to have little emotions. (Seasons 1-2)
  • Mrs. Wilhoite (Mary Beth McDonough), teacher and meanie mom at the school. (Seasons 1-5)
  • Ms. Hammond (Jane Lynch), ethics Counselor and gym teacher at the school. (Season 2)
  • Lucy (Michaela Watkins), a former patient of Matthew's that becomes attracted to authority figures. Matthew cannot control himself and, thus, the two begin to date. Since then, unexpectedly, the two fell in love and sported a much more serious relationship. The two moved in, and unfortunately, both exhibited negative qualities that led to an upsetting break-up. (Season 4, 5)
  • Patrick Harris (Tim DeKay), Christine's new boyfriend, who she meets in a video store and starts dating. Patrick turns out to have some serious rage issues when he 'loses' at something, and Christine fearfully broke up with him. (Season 4)
  • Joe Campbell (Charles Esten), Richard's brother. Joe spent the night at Christine's house during a visit and following this came out to her as gay. He lives in San Francisco and returned for Richard's bachelor party where he became jealous he wasn't the best man. (Seasons 2, 4)
  • Todd Watski (Lee Tergensen), Christine's elementary school rival. When she discovers he's a fellow parent at the school, she gets revenge. Christine later uses him at a wedding rehearsal as her date to make Richard jealous, but his 'ass' qualities kick in. (Season 4)
  • Amy Hunter (Constance Zimmer), New Christine's sister. Amy is notably vastly different than her sister, as she's much less ditsy and much more down-to-Earth. She meets Matthew at Richard and New Christine's wedding rehearsal and the two hook up. (Season 4)
  • Principal Merrow (Stephen Toblowsky), Westbridge's middle school principal. He has very little tolerance for Christine's neurotic behavior. (Season 4)
  • Max (Eric McCormack), Christine's current therapist/attraction and Matthew's mentor. Christine and Max share a mutual attraction, though currently Christine is only his patient. Max has already had his license suspended mutual times for getting close to patients, and Matthew has shown immense disapproval of his mentor dating his sister. (Season 5)
  • Dave (James Lesure), a man Barb met at Richard and New Christine's wedding. Although he originally tried to deport her as he is an IRS agent, he later found a way to keep her in the country because of his feelings for her, but later developed a hatred of her as their relationship progressed. He proposed to her, thinking she'd break up with him, but instead the two are now engaged. (Seasons 4-5)

Notable Guest Stars

  • Dr. Palmer (Jason Alexander), Christine's gynecologist.
  • Audrey (Sandra Bernhard), an activist promoting offshore oil drilling, which Christine's opposed to. She calls Christine "shorty", so Christine counters by calling her names such as "Tall" or "Gigantor".
  • Claire (Rachael Harris), Christine's college friend's fiancé.
  • Belinda (Ana Ortiz), a down-to-Earth Portuguese mother at Richie's school, who turns out to be Marly's housekeeper.
  • Timmy (Ben Feldman), a young ambitious lawyer whom New Christine set up with Christine.
  • Shelley (Gigi Rice), Timmy's protective mother
  • Ben (Matthew Glave), Christine's friend from college and Claire's fiance.
  • Neil (Jeffrey Tambor), owner of a reptile club Richie wants to get into. Christine agrees to go on a date with him to allow Richie in the club.
  • Liz (Helen Slater), a mother at Richie's school who flirts with and employs Matthew at the same time.
  • Father Christopher (Ed Begley, Jr.), a friendly minister who tries to make Christine feel comfortable at church.
  • Angela (Brenda Blethyn), Christine's neurotic mother.
  • Margaret (Megan Mullally), corporate adviser of Christine and Barb's gym.
  • Francie (Kristen Johnston), a mother at Richie's school, and Christine's needy new friend.
  • Howard (Corbin Bernsen), a high powered attorney Christine hires in her divorce with Barb.
  • Agnes (Marion Ross), an elderly woman that Richard tries to evict from her own apartment.
  • Tracey (Jennifer Grey), a passionate woman whom Christine sets up with Richard. (Jennifer Grey is the wife of series star Clark Gregg)
  • Frances (Amy Sedaris), a victim of Christine's bullying from their childhood whom Christine tries to make amends with.
  • Jeannie(Molly Shannon), an eccentric neighbor of Christine's who throws a disastrous holiday block party.

Reception

"While it occasionally runs to the absurd — a blind date who won't eat food other people have touched and brings his own chicken to a restaurant — it stays for the most part within the realm of recognizable human relations, and lets you feel something for its characters. This was not a luxury Seinfeld ever afforded anyone, and it's nice to see the star getting to play something less cerebrally conceived, less obsessive-compulsive and more ordinarily well-rounded."

The New Adventures of Old Christine crew about the series

The review website Metacritic.com, which tabulates critics' reviews, gave it a 64 — equating to their summary of "generally positive reviews", with 16 out of 26 critics reviews deemed as positive.[1] A Los Angeles Times review notes that "Louis-Dreyfus makes Christine feel fresh and real" and the show has a "dry charm and a nice tone of affectionate irony."[2]

The series had broadcast three seasons, and its viewing ride has been a bumpy one. After gaining 12 million or more viewers consistently in the first season and start of the second season, fans responded poorly to its time slot change, as it lost around 5 million viewers. In the third season, it reprised its original slot and gained back a few million. As the season progressed, comedies included in the night it aired began to broadcast new episodes, and Old Christine had their viewers up where they originally were, as in the final episode of the season, total viewers estimated to 12.41 million.

Although the series is one of the most successful comedies viewer-wise on CBS, and was part of its 'Monday Night Comedy Night', the show was put on hiatus. At the CBS upfronts it was officially picked up for 22 episodes. However, it has been leading a new mini-comedy lineup now in its second year, as it acts as a lead-in to sophomore sitcom Gary Unmarried. With the unfamiliarity of the new comedy lineup, ratings dropped severely originally, but have been steadily increasing over the past year and some. It appears clear that throughout the seasons it has maintained consistency, as it has received multiple Emmy nominations for each of its first four seasons including a win for Dreyfus in 2006. TV Squad has been reviewing each episode of Old Christine's current (fifth) season, and the reviews have been extremely positive.

Nielsen ratings and broadcast history

The show's initial ratings success is the first example of a show breaking the "Seinfeld curse" (after the failures of The Michael Richards Show, Bob Patterson, Listen Up!, and Louis-Dreyfus' own Watching Ellie).[3]

Old Christine's time slot was changed during the second season, thus eliciting a decline in ratings after losing its Two and a Half Men lead-in.

On May 16, 2007, it was announced that, despite the decline in ratings, CBS would renew the show for the 2007-2008 season as a mid-season replacement.[4] On November 6, 2007, CBS said that production of Old Christine had been halted because of a strike by the Writers Guild of America.[5] On December 13, 2007 CBS announced that the series would return for its third season, which premiered on February 4, 2008, replacing Rules of Engagement.[6] However, only ten episodes of the original 13-episode order were produced and aired for the third season because of the WGA strike.[7]

On May 14, 2008, CBS gave the sitcom a 22-episode order for the 2008-2009 season, where it now airs on Wednesdays, opening up a second comedy night for the network.[8] The premier, as expected, generated a disappointing audience, as only 6.7 million viewers tuned in. This was largely because the season received little promotion compared to fellow comedies and the new comedy lineup wasn't ready to handle a major audience. Christine's follower, Gary Unmarried struggled too, barely edging out Christine in viewers. Gary Unmarried wasn't received as well by critics which may take viewers away from The New Adventures of Old Christine. The following week, despite not having to go up against ratings success Dancing with the Stars, ratings tip-toed up although not much as liked, as it added a few hundred thousand. By the third episode, the show was over 7.5 million and had added more than one million to the premiere audience. Since then, Old Christine has had ratings close to 8 million viewers, and has come in first in its time period multiple times.

On an overall basis for its fourth season, Old Christine struggled in its timeslot, as it had its worst season in the ratings to date and dipped in timeslot placings over time. However, Rules of Engagement was also given a chance in that slot (a fellow CBS comedy performing well in Old Christine's old timeslot), and Old Christine outperformed it.

The early ratings for the fifth season have been lower than previous seasons, but the fourteenth episode reached 8.3 million viewers, the highest viewership the show had received in its Wednesday night timeslot. While the future of the show is uncertain at CBS, ABC have shown interest in the series on several occasions, as recent as March 2010. [9]

Season Time slot Network Premiere Finale TV Season Rank Viewers
(millions)
1 Monday 9:30 P.M. (March 13, 2006 - May 22, 2006) CBS March 13, 2006 May 22, 2006 2006 #29 12.5[10]
2 Monday 9:30 P.M. (September 18, 2006 - May 7, 2007) CBS September 18, 2006 May 7, 2007 2006-2007 #40 10.4[11]
3 Monday 9:30 P.M. (February 4, 2008 - March 31, 2008) CBS February 4, 2008 March 31, 2008 2008 #38 10.4[12]
4 Wednesday 8:00 P.M. (September 24, 2009 - May 13, 2009) CBS September 24, 2008 May 20, 2009 2008-2009 #73 7.3[13]
5 Wednesday 8:00 P.M. (September 23, 2009 - ) CBS September 23, 2009 TBA, 2010 2009-2010 TBA 7.2 (so far)

DVD release

Season one
The New Adventures of Old Christine - The Complete First Season
Set details[14] Special features
  • 13 episodes
  • 278 minutes
  • 2-disc set
  • 5.1 Surround Sound
  • Gag Reel
  • Unaired Scenes
  • The Real Christine
Release dates
 United States
15 January 2008
Season two
The New Adventures of Old Christine - The Complete Second Season
Set details[15] Special features
  • 22 episodes
  • 481 minutes
  • 4-disc set
  • 5.1 Surround Sound
  • Gag Reel
  • Unaired Scenes
  • The Real Christine
Release dates
 United States
24 June 2008

Awards and nominations

Awards Outcome
Art Directors Guild Awards:
2007: Television - Multi-Camera Television Series Nominated
Emmy Awards:
2006: Outstanding Cinematography for a Multi-Camera Series Nominated
2006: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Won
2007: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
2008: Outstanding Art Direction for a Multi-Camera Series Nominated
2008: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
2009: Outstanding Art Direction for a Multi-Camera Series Nominated
2009: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
GLAAD Media Awards:
2009: Outstanding Individual Episode, Comedy ("Unidentified Funk") Won
Golden Globe Awards:
2007: Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
Humanitas Prize Awards:
2007: 30 Minute Category Won
Image Awards:
2008: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series (Blair Underwood) Nominated
2009: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series (Blair Underwood) Nominated
2009: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series (Wanda Sykes) Nominated
Satellite Awards:
2006: Best Actress in a Series, Comedy or Musical (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
2007: Best Actress in a Series, Comedy or Musical (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
2008: Best Actress in a Series, Comedy or Musical (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
Screen Actors Guild Awards:
2007: Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
2010: Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Nominated
Young Artist Awards:
2008: Best Performance in a TV Series - Young Actor Ten or Under (Trevor Gagnon) Nominated

International Distribution

References

  1. ^ "New Adventures Of Old Christine, The". Metacritic.com. http://www.metacritic.com/tv/shows/newadventuresofoldchristine?q=The%20New%20Adventures%20of%20Old%20Christine. Retrieved 2008-03-11. 
  2. ^ 'Christine' creates a life beyond Elaine, a March 2006 Los Angeles Times article
  3. ^ Sweet bump for CBS's 'Old Christine', a Media Life magazine article
  4. ^ Breaking News - CBS ANNOUNCES 2007-2008 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE | TheFutonCritic.com
  5. ^ Writers work picket lines as TV shows shut down, a L.A. Times article
  6. ^ Breaking News - PREMIERES OF "WELCOME TO THE CAPTAIN" AND "THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE" MOVE TO MONDAY, FEB. 4 | TheFutonCritic.com
  7. ^ Hooley, Danny (2008-02-19). "He Has Work to Do". The News & Observer. http://www.newsobserver.com/105/story/951140.html. Retrieved 2008-03-11. 
  8. ^ Surette, Tim (2008-05-14). "CBS yuks up new schedule". TV.com. http://www.tv.com/story/11300.html?om_act=convert&om_clk=news&tag=headlines;title;3. Retrieved 2008-05-16. 
  9. ^ http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/ustv/news/a206953/abc-may-poach-old-christine-from-cbs.html
  10. ^ "2005-06 primetime wrap". Hollywood Reporter. May 26, 2006. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/search/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1002576393. 
  11. ^ "2006-07 primetime wrap". Hollywood Reporter. May 25, 2007. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/features/e3ifbfdd1bcb53266ad8d9a71cad261604f. 
  12. ^ "Season Program Rankings". ABC Medianet. 2008-05-28. http://abcmedianet.com/DNR/2008/pdf/dnr052808.pdf. Retrieved 2008-06-02. 
  13. ^ "Season Program Rankings from 09/22/08 through 05/17/09". ABC Medianet. May 19, 2009. http://abcmedianet.com/web/dnr/dispDNR.aspx?id=051909_05. Retrieved 2009-07-03. 
  14. ^ "The New Adventures of Old Christine - The Complete First Season (2006)". Amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000TZ7FTK?tag=tvshowsondvdcom&link_code=as3&creativeASIN=B000TZ7FTK&creative=373489&camp=211189. Retrieved 2008-09-18. 
  15. ^ "The New Adventures of Old Christine - The Complete Second Season (2006)". TVshowsondvd.com. http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/releases/New-Adventures-Old-Christine-Complete-2nd-Season/7719. Retrieved 2008-09-18. 

External links

Country TV Network Timeslot
 Greece Star Channel 4.15pm Saturday
 Australia Go! 9.00pm Monday
 Sweden Kanal 5 10.15pm Tuesday
Search Wikiquote Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to: The New Adventures of Old Christine

Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

The New Adventures of Old Christine (2006 - ) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS, about a divorced mom who tries to keep pace with everyone around her, while remaining friendly with her ex-husband who is dating a woman with the same name.

Contents

Season 1

Pilot [1.01]

Ritchie: Why is everyone's car so much bigger than ours?
Christine: Because they don't believe in themselves.
Richie: Do we believe in ourselves?
Christine: [shrugs] Look at our car.

Richard: How's my little third-grader?
Richie: I look ridiculous in these clothes.
Richard: Yeah... you kinda do.
Christine: Richard, don't make this harder for me.
Richard: I'm sorry. [to Richie] Cool pants, is that Rayon?

Supertramp [1.02]

Christine: [about her dry spell] Sex used to be my thing. God, in-fact senior year in high school I was a bit of a slut. That is what I was known for.

Richard: Mind if I use your bathroom?
Christine: Oh.
Richard: I got to make a pit stop, not a full pit stop just an oil change. I'm going to pee.

Open Water [1.03]

Burton: You okay there?
Christine: Yeah, it's my new date-night underwear. It just got to fifth base.

Christine: Ritchie, we have talked about this. You're eight years old. We live in Los Angeles. You have to learn how to swim.
Ritchie: Why?
Christine: Because, honey, you can't keep going to pool parties telling people you're having your period.

One Toe Over the Line, Sweet Jesus [1.04]

Ritchie: What's intercourse?
Matthew: Something to do with golf. You should ask your mom.
Ritchie: Does mom golf?
Matthew: She's been known to hit the links.

I'll Show You Mine [1.05]

Christine: Oh, come on, it hasn't been that bad, has it? I mean, didn't doing it in your car last week make you feel like a teenager?
Burton: Yeah, until I got home and I had to ice... everything.
Christine: No kidding, I got a bruise from knee to nipple.

Richard: It shouldn't be this difficult. I mean I said 'I love you' on our first date, and you said it back to me.
Christine: We had just seen Ghost. I would have told the movie-usher I loved him.
Richard: It's good to know our marriage was based on such a rock solid foundation.
Christine: It worked out pretty good... except for the divorce.

The Other F Word [1.06]

Matthew: What's going on?
Christine: Nate just said the "F" word.
Matthew: So? You say that word all the time; you said it three times in the car on the way over here.
Christine: No, the other "F" word—the gay one.

Frank: What are the families like?
Christine: Great families—very involved.
Frank: But would you describe them as having good values?
Christine: "Good values?" Oh, definitely, great values, I mean just like us.
Frank: Good, cause our last school had way too many fags.

A Long Day's Journey Into Stan [1.07]

Teach Your Children Well [1.08]

Liz: Do you like being a nanny?
Matthew: I do, although I prefer the word manny.

Christine: It's not a lesson party, it's a party... with a lesson.

Ritchie Has Two Mommies [1.09]

No Fault Divorce [1.10]

Christine: Are you saying that the divorce was my fault?
Hillary: It wouldn't be ethical of me to tell you that.
Christine: Was it anyone's fault?
Hillary: Yes.
Christine: Was it Richard's fault?
Hillary: No.

Exile on Lame Street [1.11]

[Christine is trying desperately to get into a sold out Rolling Stones concert]
Christine: Sir, uh, I'm sorry, let me just explain to you my situation. Okay, my nine-year-old is in there with his father and his new girlfriend, and there's a very strong possibility that he's gonna let him go to the bathroom on his own.
Ticket Window Clerk: I'm so sorry. I didn't, I didn't know. We keep two emergency tickets available for situations like this. Is the fourth row okay?
Christine: That would be great.
Ticket Window Clerk: OK, uh let me just get those for you. [looking questioningly around the booth] Where do we keep them? Duh, they're right here! [he reaches up and slams the window blind shut in her face]
Christine: He's not getting the tickets?
Matthew: Uh, no, sweetie, he's not.

Some of My Best Friends Are Portuguese [1.12]

Christine: Do you ever let your armpit hair grow, just to see how long it can get?
Belinda: Ew, no. Do you?
Christine: Nooo...

Christine: Well, I'm leaving. I want to thank you for a particularly humiliating afternoon.
Belinda: Are you mad at me?
Christine: Mad at you? Oh no, that was great. I don't know which part was my favorite: serving drinks to the "Meanie Moms" or watching Marly's husband massage your gums with his tongue.
Belinda: I know. I'm sorry. I should have locked the door.
Christine: Yeah, that's pretty much the only thing that was wrong with it. You know, I'm not Marly's biggest fan but she really doesn't deserve this.
Belinda: I know. It's wrong, but I hope that you and I can still be friends.
Christine: Yeah, I don't think so.
Belinda: Why, because I'm Portuguese? Because I'm a maid?
Christine: Ah, no, it's because, well, you're kind of a whore.

A Fair to Remember [1.13]

Richard: What am I doing?!
Matthew: Apparently my sister.

Burton: Christine, I'm sorry. I know you were probably kind of surprised to see that I was seeing someone so soon after we broke up. But I really didn't think it would bother you, especially since you're the one who broke up with me.
Christine: Oh, no, it didn't bother me. I'm seeing people too, lots. I'm the town factory for God's sake. You can't close me down.

Cast

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