The Full Wiki

The Simpsons/Season 11: Wikis

Note: Many of our articles have direct quotes from sources you can cite, within the Wikipedia article! This article doesn't yet, but we're working on it! See more info or our list of citable articles.


Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Wikipedia has an article about:
For other uses of "The Simpsons", see The Simpsons (disambiguation).

The Simpsons Season 11


Beyond Blunderdome [11.01]

Mel Gibson: John Travolta flew me in his jet. Now I have to help him move next weekend. He deliberately waited 'til we were in the air to ask me!

Hannah: Oh, no! We killed Mel Gibson!
Christian: You all saw it. He came at me with a knife, right?

(Trio drives up to the dummy)

Milo: Hey, it's just a dummy.
Christian: I know but he sells tickets. (Hannah and Milo are confused) Let's go.

Brother's Little Helper [11.02]

Mark McGwire:Young Bart here is right. We are spying on you, pretty much around the clock.
Bart: But why, Mr. McGwire?
Mark McGwire: Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?
Crowd: Dingers! Dingers!

[Burns observes Bart's tank rampage through binoculars]
Burns: Smithers, we're at war!
Smithers: I'll begin profiteering, sir.
Burns: And hoarding! Leave it to the Democrats to let the Spaniards back in the pantry!

Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? [11.03]

Homer: I smell cake! Cake that says (sniff sniff) "Farewell" and (sniff sniff) "Best Wishes"!
Nelson: Your old man has an awesome nose.
Bart: Oh, that's nothing. He can hear pudding.

man #1: everything's a rave; nine thumbs up? what the hell is that?!!

Newspaper editor: ...And to protect Mother Earth, each copy contains a certain percentage of recycled paper.
Lisa: And what percent is that?
Newspaper editor: Zero.
(Lisa frowns)
Newspaper editor: Zero’s a percent!

Treehouse of Horror X [11.04]

Tom Arnold: My shows weren't great, but I never tied people up and forced them to watch. And I could've, because I'm a big guy and I'm good with knots.

Homer: The sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!

E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt) [11.05]

(after it's been decided that the family will live on Grampa's old farm)

Bart: I'll dig an outhouse!
Lisa: I'll weed the floor!
Marge: I'll repress the rage I'm feeling! (plasters a fake smile on her face)

(Homer is offering tomacco to Ralph Wiggum and his father, Police Chief Clancy Wiggum)

Homer: Try some, won't you?
Chief Wiggum: Go ahead, Ralphie; the stranger is offering you a treat!
Ralph Wiggum: (Takes a bit and immediately spits it out) Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma!
Chief Wiggum: (Does the same) Holy Moses! It DOES tastes like Grandma!
Ralph Wiggum: I want more! (Starts devouring more tomacco)
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, me too; so we take a bushel or a peck, or...? Oh, just give 'em to me. (Joins his son)
Homer: (chuckles)

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder [11.06]

(Homer tries to bond with Maggie by dressing up as a Teletubby)

Homer (in baby talk): Look, Maggie, I'm Homie-Womie, the Teletubby. (sternly): And I'm all man in case you heard otherwise!

Homer: [playing peek-a-boo] Where's Maggie? Where's Maggie? [uncovers his eyes] Hey, where is she?

Eight Misbehavin' [11.07]

(As Apu and Manjula await the results of the pregnancy test)
Apu: Here goes nothing.
Apu and Manjula: (as symbols appear on the tester) Baby... baby... lemon.
Manjula: All that sex for nothing.
Apu: Well, that is a pretty grim assessment.

(Apu is asleep with the babies)
Manjula: Apu, it's 4 am. You're late for work.
Apu: Oh. I just had the most beautiful dream where I died.
Manjula: Oh no you don't! Not til they're out of college.
Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!

Take My Wife, Sleaze [11.08]

Homer: The first meeting of Hell's Satans comes to order.
Flanders: I move that we reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all we don't want to go to hell.
Lenny: How about the Devil's Pals.
Flanders: No, see-
Moe: Or the Christ Punchers!

Meathook: (to Homer)There's only one reasonable way to settle this, you and me in the circle of death.
Marge: Ohh, I just swept the circle of death.

Grift of the Magi [11.09]

Gary Coleman: Well, well, if it isn't the biggest rip-off since "Webster."

Fat Tony: I don't get mad, I get stabby.

Principal Skinner: This is a proud day. Now when people ask if we're in compliance the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1975, I can say, we are closer than ever before!

Little Big Mom [11.10]

(Homer tries to remember what the ski instructor told him in an emergency, but his thoughts get invaded by Flanders showing off his new skiing attire.)
Flanders: Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all!
("Nothin' at all!" echoes several times.)
Homer: Stupid sexy Flanders... Ow, my legs! This is the worst pain ever!

Homer: Hello? Lollipop Land?

Faith Off [11.11]

Homer: (Cooking meat) Okay, who needs another lamb rack? (Marge and Bart nod no) Lisa? Ham hock, Try tip?
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well I think the veal died of loneliness.

Bart: Hey Brother Faith, how did you get the bucket off my dad's head?
Brother Faith: Well I didn't son, you did. God has given you the power.
Bart: Really? Hmmm.. I would think he would want to limit my power.

The Mansion Family [11.12]

[Mr Burns is filling in a medical form.]
Mr Burns: Let's see, social security number: naught, naught, naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two. Damn Roosevelt! Cause of parents' death: got in my way.

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?!
Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have thousands of diseases that have just been discovered, in you.
Mr. Burns: You're sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?

Saddlesore Galactica [11.13]

Wiggum: This is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Uh, do you have a permit for that?
Barker: No problem, sir, it's in my car.
<gets in, and quickly drives off>
Lou:You've gotta stop being so trusting, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: I'd rather let a thousand guilty men go free than chase after them.

Chief Wiggum: All right, show's over, folks. I'm afraid this horse is going to the dog food factory.
Homer: Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food.

<The family sit at the kitchen table, Homer talks about Duncan loosing every race>
Homer: Thats it! If that horse does not start winning soon then we are going on a trip to the glue factory and he won't be invited!

<Homer enters Bart's room having just been confronted by a group of Elves who have told him to make Bart and the horse lose the race>
Homer: Bart don't ask me why but you have to lose the big race.
Bart: LOSE THE BIG RACE?! Are you crazy this is what Duncan has been working for.
Homer: I know son but I have a feeling we have been pushing him hard.
Bart: It's just one more race and I've got a good feeling about this one dad.
Homer: Oh ok son. Don't you worry, I'll deal with those murderous trolls...
<Homer slams his clenched fist into his other hand like Robin from the Batman TV series>
Bart: Erm...Dad what did you just say?
<Homer realises what he has said and quickly tries to correct himself>
Homer: I mean...I'll deal with those murderous trolls...
<Bart looks on as Homer leaves>

Alone Again, Natura-Diddily [11.14]

Homer: Now, now, now, don't beat yourself up. I'm the one who drove her out of her seat. I'm the one who provoked the lethal barrage of T-shirts. I'm the one who parked in the ambulance zone, preventing any possible resuscitation. [notices Ned glaring at him] Yeah, I, uh, but there's no point in playing the blame game.

Homer: I'm sure your wife is dating a lot of people in heaven!
Ned: Are you sure?
Homer: Positive, there's a lot of hot people up there. There's John Wayne, Tupac Shakur, Sherlock Holmes-
Ned: Ah, now Sherlock Holmes is a character.
Homer: Oh he sure was! [does a sexy growl]

Missionary: Impossible [11.15]

TV: You're watching PBS.
Bart: You're watching PBS?
Homer: Hey, I'm as surprised as you. But I've stumbled across a delicious new comedy about soccer hooligans. If they're not having a go with a bird, they're having a row with a wanker.

[Homer has just arrived on the island and he doesn't know what to do]'
Homer: But I don't know what to do!
Craig: Well, we taught them some English and we ridiculed away most of their beliefs. You can take it from there.

Pygmoelian [11.16]

Moe: (after looking at his face in the year's calendar) Am I really that ugly?
Carl: Moe, it's all relative. Just like, is Lenny that dumb? (Lenny gasps) Is Barney that drunk? (Barney gasps) Is Homer that lazy, bald, and fat? (Homer gasps)
Moe: Oh, God, this is worse than I thought! (He, Lenny, Barney, and Homer break down sobbing.)
Carl: (looking at the view of the camera) See, this is why I don't talk much.

Lisa: [reading from a sticker] A gay president for 2084?
Gay Man: We're realistic.

Bart to the Future [11.17]

Homer Simpson: Oh, what a bleak and horrible future we live in!
Bart Simpson: Don't you mean "present?"
Homer Simpson: Right, right. Present.

[The Simpsons have a family meal at the White House, now that Lisa is President.]
Marge Simpson: So, how was everyone's day?
Lisa Simpson: Appointed a Supreme Court justice.
Bart Simpson: Bewitched marathon.
Homer Simpson: Searched for Lincoln's gold.
Lisa Simpson: Dad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't bury any gold in the White House.
Homer Simpson: Then what is his ghost protecting?

Days of Wine and D'oh'ses [11.18]

(as Homer and Bart are "celebrating" Trash Night)

Homer: I can't believe I found this muscle shirt.
Bart: Dad, that's a sports bra.
Homer: All I know is that I'm getting the support I need.

Bart: You did it, Dad!
Homer: [drunk] You can't prove I did it.
Lisa: No, you saved our lives.
Homer: I could do a lot of things if I had some money.

Kill the Alligator and Run [11.19]

Doctor: What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida.
Homer: Florida? But that's America's wang!
Doctor: They prefer, "The Sunshine State."

(Bart gets paid three dollars for delivering Homer's mail)

Bart: Hey, this isn't real. This is printed by the Montana Militia.
Homer (threateningly): It'll be real soon enough!

Homer: Arizona smells funny.

Last Tap Dance in Springfield [11.20]

Ralph: My daddy shoots people!

Homer: For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge [11.21]

Sqeaky-Voiced Teen: And God said, "Gather two of every flavor, anoint them with sixty-two sauces, whipped cream, and nuts, and ye shall call it, 'The Ark'!

Ice Cream Store Clerk: [after Marge throws sprinkles at his eyes] I can only see a horrible rainbow!

Behind the Laughter [11.22]

Lisa: To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones.
[Camera cuts to Homer]
Homer: That's ridiculous! How could I even get all five necessary drops into her cereal? [pause] What?

Homer Simpson: Why did I take such punishment? Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.

Got something to say? Make a comment.
Your name
Your email address