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Will & Grace
Will & Grace title card.jpg
Title card
Format Sitcom
Created by David Kohan
Max Mutchnick
Directed by James Burrows
Starring Eric McCormack
Debra Messing
Sean Hayes
Megan Mullally
Shelley Morrison
Theme music composer Jonathan Wolff
Country of origin United States
No. of seasons 8
No. of episodes 194 (List of episodes)
Production
Location(s) Los Angeles
Running time 22 minutes
Broadcast
Original channel NBC
Original run September 21, 1998 (1998-09-21) – May 18, 2006 (2006-05-18)
External links
Official website

Will & Grace is an American television sitcom that was originally broadcast on NBC from 1998 to 2006. The show takes place in New York City and focuses on Will Truman, a gay lawyer, and his best friend Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm. Also featured are their friends Karen Walker, a rich socialite, and Jack McFarland, a struggling gay actor/singer/dancer who also has had brief careers as an acting teacher, back-up dancer, cater-waiter, talk-show host and student nurse.

Will & Grace is the most successful television series with gay principal characters. Despite initial criticism for its particular portrayal of homosexuals, it went on to become a staple of NBC's Must See TV Thursday night lineup, where it was ensconced in the Nielsen Top 20 for half of its network run. Throughout its eight-year run, Will & Grace earned 16 Emmy Awards and 83 nominations.

Will & Grace was filmed in front of a live studio audience (most episodes and scenes) on Tuesday nights,[1] at Stage 17 in CBS Studio Center, a space that totals 14,000 sq. ft. Will and Grace's apartment is on display at the Emerson College Library, having been donated by series creator Max Mutchnick.[2]

Contents

Cast and crew

Principal characters

A lawyer, after being estranged for a year or so, he and Grace bumped into each other again and have remained best friends since. He has a very neurotic side, especially when it comes to cleaning. Several characters have commented that his relationship with Grace is more like that of a romantic couple than of two friends.
A Jewish interior designer with an apparent obsession with food, who has been Will's best friend since college. Selfish, messy and neurotic, she often plays as a counter-balance for Will's more uptight nature.
The wife of the wealthy (but never seen) Stan Walker. She "works" as Grace's assistant making "Grace Adler Designs" more popular among her social contacts. Known for abusing alcohol and pills, she can be quite insensitive, but is close to Grace and Jack, and occasionally Will.
One of Will's best friends, he is flamboyant and superficial. He plays the more stereotypical gay role between himself and Will. Jack drifts from boyfriend to boyfriend and job to job, including struggling actor, retail associate and student nurse. Early on in the show he strikes up a close friendship with Karen.
Karen's maid, Rosario was working as a cigarette lady when Karen hired her in 1985. She was briefly married to Jack so she would not be deported. Rosario was a recurring character for the first two seasons and was promoted to a main character from the beginning of season three.

In the opening credits, McCormack and Messing are billed together, with top billing alternating between episodes. Morrison is only billed in the episodes she appears in.

Principal recurring characters

See Supporting characters on Will & Grace for complete list of recurring characters and guest stars.

  • Beverley Leslie (Leslie Jordan) – a closeted homosexual, staunchly Republican, very short and very wealthy socialite whose relationship with Karen changes rapidly from friend to enemy and back
  • Dr. Marvin "Leo" Markus (Harry Connick, Jr.) – Grace's boyfriend (starting in season five) and eventual husband; their marriage ended (season seven) after he cheated on her. He is also the father of her child (season eight) and in the series finale they reconcile and are raising their daughter, Lilah
  • Val Bassett (Molly Shannon) – a slightly crazy, alcoholic, divorced woman who lives in the same building as Will, Grace, and Jack; Val tends to get into fights with Grace, and has been known to stalk Jack
  • Vince D'Angelo (Bobby Cannavale) – Will's first long-term boyfriend (after Michael)(Seasons 6–8), with whom he eventually raises his son, Ben (end of Season 8)
  • Ben Doucette (Gregory Hines) – Will's boss at the law firm Doucette and Stein, who briefly dates Grace
  • Mr. Stein (Gene Wilder) – Will's neurotic other boss at Doucette and Stein after Ben Doucette leaves the firm

Crew

Story and episodes

Will & Grace's relationship

The Early Years

Will and Grace first met at Columbia University in 1985, living across the hall from one another in a co-ed dorm. They instantly connected and soon began dating. Will then threw a Dorm Party which Jack crashed, and after the party was over Jack accused Will of being in denial about his sexual orientation. After proposing marriage to Grace (as a way to postpone sleeping with her) Will finally came out to her. Grace threw him out of her family's house and they did not speak for a year (Grace having moved off campus), but they accidentally ran into each other again on Thanksgiving the following year (1986) at D'Agostino's supermarket. This meeting spurred a reconciliation and they became best friends. (These events are seen as flashbacks during the third season of the show).

As roommates

In the pilot episode of the show, Grace was about to get married to her boyfriend Danny. When Will disapproved, she became angry and planned to get married secretly anyway. However on the way to the wedding she realizes that Will was right, and she leaves Danny. Needing an apartment, she moved in with Will in his apartment on the Upper West Side. Will and Grace spend a lot of time with one another as well as with friends Jack McFarland and Karen Walker. Jack is a flamboyant, gay, struggling stage actor-singer-dancer who, over the course of the show, has a range of jobs including cater waiter, acting teacher, student nurse, retail sales (working for Banana Republic and Barneys), back-up dancer for singers such as Jennifer Lopez and Janet Jackson and TV producer. Karen, an alcoholic multimillionaire, works as Grace's assistant, a job she took to have time away from the home she shares with her husband Stan and his kids, Mason and Olivia. Another character who factored into the early episodes of Will & Grace was Will's client Harlin Polk, played by Gary Grubbs. At first he was given billing in the opening credits with the other four cast members, but interest in his storyline waned, and he was written out of the show early in the second season (Harlin, rather reluctantly, fired Will and hired another lawyer).

The show follows both Will and Grace's attempts to establish romantic relationships without sacrificing their often co-dependent reliance on one another for emotional support. A common joke finds Jack and Karen referring to Will and Grace as married, "non-romantic life partners", or "sexless lovers". At the beginning of the second season Grace moved into her own apartment (across the hall from Will's) in an attempt to put some distance between herself and Will, but then ended up moving back at the beginning of the third season. She moved out again after getting married early in the fifth season, but she moved back in with Will after separating from her husband during Season 6.

Relationships

Grace had several lovers on the show, portrayed by actors such as Woody Harrelson and Edward Burns. Frequently, her lovers feel frustrated by her relationship with Will, jealous of their closeness, personal jokes, and ability to finish each other's sentences. Eventually she married Leo, played by musician and actor Harry Connick, Jr.. Leo was unusual in that Grace's friendship with Will seemed not to bother him, despite Will's initial dislike of him. Leo in-fact often looked to Will in order to help him deal with Grace's neurotic behavior. Furthermore, at one point, when Grace was extremely upset about Leo's upcoming six-month absence, she asked if Will could sleep (platonically) with them, and Leo responded with good humor, saying, "I knew this was going to happen one day." They split in the finale of the show's sixth season after Grace discovered that Leo had had an adulterous affair while working with Doctors Without Borders in Cambodia. In the final season, on a flight to London, Grace meets Leo on the plane where they have sex, resulting in Grace becoming pregnant, which she keeps a secret from him, upon finding that he plans to remarry. In the series finale (May 2006), however, Leo tells a heavily pregnant Grace that he loves her and broke off his engagement. They subsequently raise their daughter, Lilah, together having got remarried.

Will was usually less successful romantically, having the occasional one-episode fling, but never a long-term relationship. This eventually drew some criticism from those who noted that Grace was often shown being affectionate with her dates and boyfriends, while Will rarely was. In the first season, it is mentioned that Will had a seven-year relationship with a man named Michael, but this partnership ended before the series began. During the early seasons Will only had one relationship that could be constituted as 'long-term', with a sports broadcaster, Matthew played by Patrick Dempsey. Their relationship was portrayed in a total of three episodes, before they broke up. There is a breif moment at the end of season 5 where Will and Jack wake up together naked in the same bed on Karen's Yacht after a night of drinking, at the beginning of season 6 they go through a whole episode of freaking out until Karen reveals to them that the security camera for their room showed that they didn't do anything. Will does not have any more serious long-term love interests until the spring of 2004 when the character of Vince, an Italian American New York City Police Department officer played by Bobby Cannavale, was introduced. Their relationship lasted until the spring of 2005, when Vince lost his job and the two decided to "take a break" resulting in an unofficial but obvious break-up. Will then met James, supposedly by fate, at a movie theater and again in Los Angeles. Just as they started to get close, however, James discovered he was going to be deported. To give Will and James a chance, Grace agreed to marry James to help him avoid deportation. This plan, along with James' relationship with Will, was short-lived when it was revealed he was a major jerk, who seemed completely cruel towards other people. He was played by Rent star Taye Diggs. However in the final season, Will was reunited with Vince, and the two would eventually get married and raise a son together, named Ben.

Jack, whose floundering one-person show and acting career has been established as a hopeless dream, eventually finds work in retail sales and married (and later divorced) Karen's maid and longtime friend Rosario Salazar to help her gain U.S. residency (green card). It was also revealed that he had a teenage biological son named Elliott, played by Michael Angarano. Elliott was conceived through artificial insemination and mothered by Bonnie, a lesbian played by Rosie O'Donnell. Jack unlike the others, does not attempt to stay in long-term relationships, but instead shallowly jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend. Jack's longest relationship is with Stuart Lamarack (Dave Foley), which lasts several months during the sixth season, during which Jack sees him at the movies with another man and assumes that Stuart is cheating on him. Jack finds out later that the other man was actually Stuart's son. Ironically, their relationship ends when Jack cheats on Stuart, who is not seen again. He ends up spending the rest of his life living with Karen, in a purely platonic relationship that ironically is similar to Will and Grace, who they both mocked for living together.

Karen, is the only member of the cast to be in a married relationship at the start of the series. Her husband, Stanley Walker, is described as an extremely wealthy and overweight man with some unusual sexual tastes, who gives a lot of business to Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Although Karen often insults Stan and implies she married him for his money, the truth is she was hopelessly devoted and in love with Stan. Jailed during season four for tax fraud, Stan was released in season five, but Karen soon caught him sleeping with his British mistress Lorraine Finster (played by Minnie Driver), whom he met when she worked in the prison cafeteria. During Stan and Karen's divorce proceedings at the end of season five, Stan dropped dead, and season six saw Karen begin dating again, culminating in her 20-minute-long marriage to Lorraine's father, Lyle (played by John Cleese, who went uncredited). At the end of the seventh season, it was revealed that Stan faked his death, and, in season eight, he and Karen reconciled after she had a brief affair with a government agent (played by Alec Baldwin). However, by the end of the show, Karen finds that she had fallen out of love with him and thus leaves Stan for good, at which point it is revealed that everything he owned was on loan, rendering Karen's huge divorce settlement worthless.

Conflicts

In season five, Will and Grace experience their first big fight since the series began. Will and Grace decided to have a child together via artificial insemination. However, she meets and falls in love with Dr. Leo Markus and becomes unsure about continuing with the plan. Will and Grace argue about if she still wants to have the baby and she eventually decides she is against the idea. Will then accuses Grace of being a flake. They go two days without speaking until Karen and Jack come up with a scheme to make Will and Grace friends again. In season eight, Grace decides to remarry Leo. The two argue heatedly, deciding to end their friendship. Eventually they reconcile, but being too busy raising their children, they find it hard to find time for one another until years later when their children meet and fall in love in college.

Reception

Critical reactions

The show garnered a fair amount of criticism and negative reviews upon its debut in 1998, most of which compared the show to the recently canceled ABC sitcom Ellen. One such review said, "If Will & Grace can somehow survive a brutal time period opposite football and Ally McBeal, it could grow into a reasonably entertaining little anomaly -- that is, a series about a man and a woman who have no sexual interest in one another. But don't bet on it. If it's doomed relationships viewers want, they'll probably opt for Ally."[4] Ally McBeal had its final episode in 2002, four years before Will & Grace ended. As much as the show's eventual appeal disproved much of its initial criticism, the show continually dealt with the criticism for having a limited view of the gay community and for reinforcing stereotypes when some felt it should have torn them down.[5]

The series finale was heavily promoted by NBC, and McCormack, Messing, Mullally and Hayes appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and The Today Show to bid farewell, on May 10 and May 18, respectively. NBC devoted a two-hour block in its primetime schedule on May 18, 2006, for the Will & Grace send-off. An hour-long series retrospective, "Say Goodnight, Gracie", featuring interviews with the cast, crew, and guest stars, preceded the hour-long series finale. Series creators and executive producers Kohan and Mutchnick, who had not served as writers since the season 4 finale, penned the script for "The Finale." Regarding the finale, Mutchnick stated, "We wrote about what you want to have happen with people you love... All the things that matter in life, they end up having."[6]

Awards and nominations

Will & Grace had been nominated for 83 and won 16 Emmys. From 2001–2005, Will & Grace was the highest-rated sitcom among adults 18–49. It has also been heralded as responsible for opening the door to a string of gay-themed television programs, such as Queer as Folk, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Boy Meets Boy. Will & Grace has won several GLAAD Media Awards for its advocacy of the gay community. Despite more than two dozen nominations, Will & Grace never won a Golden Globe Award.

In the summer of 2005, Will & Grace was nominated for 15 Emmys, tied with Desperate Housewives as the series receiving the most nominations. This was almost an all time record, the two shows were second behind The Larry Sanders Show, with 16 nominations in 1996. Unlike Housewives, however, Will & Grace received many of its nominations during the 2004–2005 season for its guest actors and actresses. From these nominations, the series won two awards for the season. One of the two awards was for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series, won by Bobby Cannavale for his role as Vince, Will's boyfriend. For almost every season, Will & Grace was the most nominated Comedy Series at the Emmys.

In the summer of 2006, Will & Grace was nominated for 10 Emmys for its final season, including a nomination for Outstanding Lead Actress for Debra Messing, Outstanding Supporting Actor for Sean Hayes, and Outstanding Supporting Actress for Megan Mullally. Mullally won the award for her category (her second win out of seven nominations), and Leslie Jordan won the award for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series for his recurring role as Beverley Leslie. For the second-time, the show wasn't nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series (the first in 1999 for season 1) after 6 consecutive years of nominations.

Will & Grace is one of only three sitcoms in which all actors playing the main characters (McCormack, Messing, Hayes, and Mullally) have each won at least one acting Emmy. The other two sitcoms to have achieved the same feat are All in the Family and The Golden Girls.

Each with three awards, both Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally hold the record of winning the most Screen Actors Guild Awards for the categories Best Performance by an Actor in a Comedy Series and Best Performance by an Actress in a Comedy Series, respectively, for their roles in Will & Grace.

Ratings/NBC broadcast history

The show debuted on Mondays beginning on September 21, 1998 and steadily gained in popularity, culminating when it moved to Thursday night as part of NBC's Must See TV line-up. The show ultimately became a highly rated television show in the United States, earning a top-twenty rating during four of its eight seasons, including one season at # 9. However, when the show lost Friends as its lead-in after the 2003–04 season, gained the disappointing Friends spin-off Joey as its lead-in, and competition from CBS's Thursday night line-up increased, Will & Grace began shedding viewers and slipped out of the top 20 during its last two seasons.

"The Finale" drew over 18 million viewers,[7][8] ranking # 8 for the week, easily making it the most watched episode of the final two seasons. While the series finale is considered a ratings success, it is far from being the most watched episode of Will & Grace—that accolade remains with the season four episode "A Chorus Lie", which aired on February 7, 2002 and ranked #8 for the week. When the show was at the height of its popularity (seasons 3–5), ranking in the Top 10 was a common occurrence, but the finale's Top 10 rank was the only such rank for season 8 and the first such rank since the season 7 premiere "FYI: I Hurt, Too".

Seasonal rankings (based on average total viewers per episode) of Will & Grace on NBC.

Note: Each U.S. network television season starts in late September and ends in late May, which coincides with the completion of May sweeps. All times listed are Eastern Time Zone.

Season Time slot Premiere Finale TV season Season
rank
Viewers
(millions)
1 Monday 9:30 P.M. (September 21, 1998 – November 30, 1998)
Tuesday 9:30 P.M. (December 15, 1998 – March 23, 1999)
Thursday 8:30 P.M. (April 8, 1999 – May 13, 1999)
September 21, 1998 May 13, 1999 1998–1999 #40 12.3[9]
2 Tuesday 9:00 P.M. September 21, 1999 May 23, 2000 1999–2000 #44 12.0[10]
3 Thursday 9:00 P.M. October 12, 2000 May 17, 2001 2000–2001 #14 17.3[11]
4 September 27, 2001 May 16, 2002 2001–2002 #9 17.3[12]
5 September 26, 2002 May 15, 2003 2002–2003 #11 16.8[13]
6 Thursday 9:00 P.M. (September 25, 2003 – January 22, 2004)
Thursday 8:32 P.M. (February 10, 2004 – April 8, 2004)
Thursday 9:00 P.M. (April 22, 2004 – April 29, 2004)
September 25, 2003 April 29, 2004 2003–2004 #16 15.2[14]
7 Thursday 8:30 P.M. September 16, 2004 May 19, 2005 2004–2005 #44 10.0[15]
8 Thursday 8:30 P.M. (September 29, 2005 – December 8, 2005)
Thursday 8:00 P.M. (January 5, 2006 – May 18, 2006)
September 29, 2005 May 18, 2006 2005–2006 #61 8.7[16]

Spin-offs

Karen: The Musical

It has been announced that Megan Mullally will be starring in a new Broadway musical entitled Karen: The Musical. This musical will have Mullally reprising her role of Karen Walker. She stated in an interview that the show may also involve recurring guest star Leslie Jordan in his role as Beverley Leslie.[17]

Other

There had been talk in 2008 that a spin-off was being developed by NBC entitled Jack and Karen, featuring Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally reprising their roles. Hayes initially showed interest in the spin-off, but was ultimately put off by the failed Friends spin-off, Joey. Furthermore, Mullally's new work schedule in the form of her talk show, which has since been dropped, didn't allow her to pursue the spin-off.[18]

Lawsuit

In December 2003, in the midst of the series' sixth season, executive producers and creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick sued NBC and NBC studios. Alleging that the network sold the rights to the series in an attempt to keep profits within the NBC family, Kohan and Mutchnick felt that they were cheated out of considerable profits by the network's shopping of the show to the highest bidder. Another allegation against the network was that during the first four seasons of the series, the studio licensed the rights for amounts that were insufficient for covering production costs, thus leading to extraordinarily large production deficits.[19] Three months later, NBC filed a countersuit against Kohan and Mutchnick stating that the co-creators were expected to act as an independent third party in the negotiations between NBC and its subsidiary, NBC Studios.[20]

With a pending lawsuit and production beginning on other projects, Kohan and Mutchnick were absent on the Will & Grace set for most of its final seasons. They wrote the season 4 episode, "A Buncha White Chicks Sittin' Around Talkin'" and did not return to the writers' seat until the series finale four years later. Three years after NBC's countersuit and one year after the series ended, the legal battle between NBC and Kohan and Mutchnick ended in 2007 when all parties agreed on a settlement, with the series creators being awarded $49 million, of their original $65 million lawsuit.[21]

Broadcasters

DVD releases

Lionsgate Home Entertainment has released all 8 seasons of Will & Grace on DVD in Region 1.

Running gags

  • Before a short argument starts, both Will and Grace will simultaneously say the same words.
  • Will and Grace being referred to as "married."
  • Other characters and even Grace herself implying that she has a thing for gay men or at least subconsciously attracted to gay men.
  • Grace would claim that she has a striking resemblance to certain red-haired celebrities, such as Julia Roberts, Rita Hayworth, and Nicole Kidman.
  • Karen continually mocks Grace's sense of style (e.g., "Grace, that blouse hurts like a hangover.").
  • Will and Grace often ignore Jack and Karen's ridiculous and stupid questions and statements.
  • Many characters, mostly Karen, mocking or mentioning Grace's small chest.
  • Karen forgetting not only the names of her friends, but her own.
  • Grace's mother Bobbie, greeting her daughter by singing a broadway song.
  • Karen often addressing Will by a girl's name such as "Wilma".
  • Karen claims that scenes from movies (e.g., Speed; To Sir, with Love; Norma Rae) or literature (e.g., Heidi) are her own experiences.
  • Jack constantly makes jokes about Will's hair loss and obesity (even though Will is clearly neither fat nor losing his hair).
  • Karen and Rosario always get into short, heated arguments, with one talking over the other. The argument always ends with both compromising and hugging while confessing their love for each other.
  • Whenever Rosario is not in an episode, Karen often mentions doing demeaning things to her or having her do demeaning things in an offhand way, such as having her maced and decorating a birthday cake with her teeth marks.
  • Will is borderline obsessive-compulsive, often being referred to as something clever like "Anal Annie" or mocked for the fact that he often follows people around his apartment with a mini-vac.
  • Whenever Karen is at a bar and in need of advice, the bartender "Smitty" (as Karen calls him) would always reply with a sad story of loss in his own life. When he finishes his stories, Karen always laughs heartily and tells Smitty that he's always there to cheer her up.
  • Will and his family behaving like stereotypical WASPS, refusing to acknowledge anything that could cause an awkward moment or trouble, such as Will's father's affair.
  • Karen has a "secret" alias, Anastasia Beaverhausen, which she often uses while "slumming" in a place where she'd prefer not to be identified.
  • When fighting with Beverley Leslie (Leslie Jordan), Karen makes mocking references to his size, calling him names such as "Baby Gap," "Seed of Chucky," "Teacup Poodle," "Thumbelina," "Angry Inch," or "Keebler Elf."
  • The uncertainty about Karen's age, especially when she makes comments such as about "firing Picasso" and "The Great Depression."
  • Karen's unwillingness to do actual work at Grace's office, despite being her assistant. (Karen does not even cash her paychecks.)
  • Grace singing, despite her terrible singing voice.
  • Karen often claims friendship or mutual understanding between herself and God or the Devil: "I'm gonna live forever. That's the deal isn't it Red?" or "What the hell did I do to deserve this?...Oh, that's right, you got me there!"
  • Will and Grace often make ridiculous and embarrassing messages for their answering machine, such as (to the tune of The Brady Bunch theme song): "This is the story... of a lovely lady (Grace: That's me!) who was living with a very lovely girl (Will: That's me!). Leave a message!" Afterwards, they voice dislike for the their action, occasionally blaming it on a night of drinking.
  • Jack being hetero-phobic and claiming anything between a man and a woman is inappropriate.
  • Jack's dislike for lesbians.
  • More prominently in the sixth and seventh seasons, there is often a confusion between two characters after they send text messages to each other. For example, Karen: "Honey, I couldn't understand your message! Some Mary needs a line of blow?" Grace: "...I'm in line for Barry Manilow."
  • Despite claiming he is hetero-phobic, Jack is often seen touching or kissing Karen.
  • Karen's bisexual nature, often hitting on assorted woman such as Grace and Leo's ex Diane.
  • Karen claiming to be homophobic, despite her close relationships with Will and Jack.
  • In many scenes, Jack and Karen raise their shirts and touch their stomachs together.
  • Jack excitedly exclaiming the names of people with double-barrelled names in moments of exasperation such as "Haley-Joel-Osmond! You are a lesbian!"
  • Karen frequently "hums" as she walks into a scene: "bah-bah-dah, bee-bah-dah."
  • Jack entering a room, while commenting on his physical 'perfection' such as "Mail's here! And he's fabulous!"
  • Jack referring to God as a woman: "God's coming and she's pissed!" "God can hear you right through the building, and she's not happy" "Did you see God? Is she mad at me?"

See also

References

  1. ^ "Goodnight, Gracie: 'Will & Grace' ends landmark run". SignOnSanDiego. May 9, 2006. http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/features/20060509-1549-ca-tv-will&gracefinale.html. Retrieved 2008-03-23. 
  2. ^ Hennessy, Christopher (2008-09). "New spaces open on campus include additional study carrels". Emerson College Today. Emerson College. http://www.emerson.edu/emersontoday/index.cfm?action=3&articleID=3555&editionID=336. Retrieved 2009-04-20. 
  3. ^ "Will & Grace: The Big Finale is Full of Surprises". TVSeriesFinale.com. May 29, 2006. http://www.tvseriesfinale.com/2006/05/will_grace_the_big_finale_is_full_of_surprises_1.html. Retrieved 2007-07-27. 
  4. ^ "Will & Grace". Daily Variety. September 16, 1998. http://www.variety.com/awardcentral_review/VE1117477856.html?nav=reviews. Retrieved 2007-07-27. 
  5. ^ "Watching with Ambivalence". Pop Matters Television. October 3, 2000. http://popmatters.com/tv/reviews/w/will-and-grace.html. Retrieved 2007-07-27. 
  6. ^ "NBC's 'Will' bows out gracefully". USA Today. May 17, 2006. http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2006-05-17-will-grace-retrospective_x.htm. Retrieved 2008-03-22. 
  7. ^ "'Will & Grace' Helps NBC Stay Tough on Thursday". Zap2It. May 19, 2006. http://www.zap2it.com/tv/ratings/zap-ratings051806,0,2450059.story. Retrieved 2008-03-22. 
  8. ^ http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117943818.html?categoryid=1275&cs=1&query=will+and+grace+finale+ratings
  9. ^ "TV Winners & Losers: Numbers Racket A Final Tally Of The Season's Show (from Nielsen Media Research)". Entertainment Weekly. June 4, 1999. http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/ew0604.html. Retrieved 2008-03-17. 
  10. ^ "US-Jarescharts". Quoten Meter. May 30, 2002. http://www.quotenmeter.de/index.php?newsid=9946. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  11. ^ "Outback in Front: CBS Wins Season". E Online. May 25, 2001. http://cache.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,8327,00.html. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  12. ^ "How did your favorite show rate?". USA Today. May 28, 2002. http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/2002/2002-05-28-year-end-chart.htm. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  13. ^ "Networks face Reality Check". The National Enquirer. May 25, 2003. http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2003/05/25/tem_sunlede25.html. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  14. ^ "I. T. R. S. RANKING REPORT 01 THRU 210 (OUT OF 210 PROGRAMS) DAYPART: PRIMETIME MON-SUN". ABC MediaNet. June 2, 2004. http://www.abcmedianet.com/Web/progcal/dispDNR.aspx?id=060204_11. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  15. ^ "2004–05 Primetime Wrap". The Hollywood Reporter. May 27, 2005. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr/television/feature_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1000937471. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  16. ^ "2005–06 primetime wrap". The Hollywood Reporter. May 26, 2006. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/search/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1002576393. Retrieved 2007-05-28. 
  17. ^ http://broadwayworld.com/article/The_Return_of_Karen_Walker_in_KAREN_THE_MUSICAL_MetroSources_QA_with_Megan_Mullaly_20090916
  18. ^ http://www.dailystab.com/will-and-grace-spin-off-with-jack-and-karen/
  19. ^ "Producers of 'Will & Grace' sue NBC". USA Today. December 16, 2003. http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2003-12-12-will-grace_x.htm. Retrieved 2008-03-22. 
  20. ^ "NBC sues 'Will & Grace' creators". USA Today. March 5, 2004. http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2004-03-05-will-grace-suit_x.htm. Retrieved 2008-03-22. 
  21. ^ "Surprise settlement in 'Grace' case". The Hollywood Reporter. April 27, 2007. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ia76075fe469ef9a445bf8a470ba6059d. Retrieved 2008-03-22. 

External links


Quotes

Up to date as of January 14, 2010

From Wikiquote

Will & Grace, was a popular U.S. TV series that ran from 1998–2006, that focused on Will Truman, a gay attorney, his best friend Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm, Karen Walker, a very rich socialite and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.

Contents

Season 1

Pilot [1.01]

Will: Jack, now that you're moving in, can I make one small request?
Jack: What's that?
Will: Change everything about your personality.

Jack: FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.
Will: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

Grace: Karen, I don't want a check. I want assistance. I'm the boss. I give you checks.
Karen: Yes, you do, honey, and I love them. I do. You know, I keep them all right here in this box. So, what else?

Karen: You know, marriage is...what? Marriage is... Marriage is, ok? What the hell, that's all you need to—[Grace already left.] Grace? Oh! Now she's gone. She's gone, and I'm sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person. Oh, my god, listen to me. I'm still doing it!

A New Lease on Life [1.02]

Grace: Can you please fax this application over to the realtor?
Karen: Oh, honey. Machinery. No.

Grace: Karen, I'm not gonna marry someone just because I want a nice apartment.
Karen: Um...yes. That--That would be wrong.
Grace: It would be settling. I want to marry "the one."
Karen: And well you should, honey. How else are you gonna get to the two and the three?

Jack: Are you Karen?
Karen: Yes, honey.
Jack: Well, Peter, Paul and Mary, you are fabulous!

Jack: God, I had no idea you would be so...kitten with a whip! Come on, let's touch stomachs! [pulls up shirt.]
Karen: Oh, my Lord, you are a complete freak! [Karen lifts up shirt and they touch stomachs.] So, honey, what are you doing here? Why are you here? Hmm? What's going on? What's happening?

Grace: Ya know what I'm tawkin' about, ya big mook, with ya 90-mile-an-hour hair?

Head Case [1.03]

Jack: [to Will's secretary] Thanks, you're my new best friend. Call me every 10 minutes. [Closes door; to Will] What a biatch.
Will: Jack, she's just doing her job. I think that's the first time I used the words "Jack" and "job" in the same sentence without "needs to get a" in between.

Jack: (talking about the bathroom) It's too small for Malibu Barbie.

Jack: My God, I think that's the first time I used "Will" and "share" in the same sentence without "doesn't know how to" in between.

Jack: Hmm, let's take a look at a little clip from when it was still the "Michael and Will Show"... Before it was canceled. "Will, can I change your throw pillows?" -- "No!" -- "Will, can I put my sweaters on your shelf?" -- "No!" -- "Will, can anyone live with a control freak nightmare like you?" I'm gonna say "no."

Grace: Just F.Y.I. The first 3 letters in "assistant" spell "ass," so please, get off yours.

Will: Ok, Grace, slow down now. Just-- It's wrong to love a faucet this much.
Grace: You're right. I don't want to fall too hard. They tend to run a little hot and cold.

Will: Oh! Whole lot of tweezin' goin' on. What, are you clear cutting?

Jack: And so ends a scene from "Mr. Bitch Goes to Washington" [TAKES A BOW].

Karen: Oh, uh, Grace, sweetie, what's that? [points to Grace's hat.] That.
Grace: It's a hat, Karen. I didn't have time to dry my hair.
Karen: So, what are you saying, honey? It's going to stay on all day?
Grace: Uh-huh.
Karen: Okay, you know what? I say we close. You're obviously in no condition to work.

Karen: God, that was exhausting. I am assisting my ass off.

Between a Rock and Harlin's Place [1.04]

Jack: So I've decided to take my career in a whole new direction.
Will: Forward?

Will: What are you talking about? You're not a performer.
Jack: I am now. Me, a piano, and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."
Will: Why one night-- oh. It's open mike night.
Jack: Bring Grace... Or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.
Will: [reads flyer] "A roller coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?
Jack: A critic... Ok. My shrink.

Jack: [singing] Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run. Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun. [stops singing.] That actually happened to me.

Jack: (SINGING) Touch me in the mornin' ...
Karen: Honey, I'm busy. Touch yourself.

Boo! Humbug [1.05]

Jack: Will, come on. I can only do this with you. You're my best friend. We'll have so much fun together.
Will: Wow. How am I gonna say no to that? No.
Jack: [turns to Grace] Grace, I can only do this with you. You're my best friend. We'll have so much fun together.

Karen: Honey, I can't go. I have a home, a husband, and 3 beautiful stepchil-- No, wait. Two. Two beautiful stepchildren. Sorry. Yeah. Olivia and...
Jack: Mason?
Karen: Honey, I was getting there.

Jack: Well, look at you. You're like an icon to gay men.
Karen: Ohh!
Jack: You've got the sass, the class, the ass.

Will: Jack, go away. Grace and I are-- are naked and oiled up and about to engage in some Greco-Roman wrestling.
Harlin: [through the door] How long is that gonna take, Will? I'm double-parked.

Karen: Oh, I want a drag name. Give me a drag name.
Drag Queen: Ok, sugar, here's how you do it. Take the name of your first pet and the first street you lived on.
Karen: Shu-Shu Fontana. Oh, it's cute. Honey, I-- [to Jack] Honey, come here. What would your name be?
Jack: Um...Glen 125th.

William, Tell [1.06]

Grace: You know, I thought I knew everything about you. But, you're a mystery. Wrapped in a riddle. Surrounded by enigma. Growing boobies.

[Jack comes in dressed as a space alien.]
Will: Captain, after closer examination, I believe I have identified the life form as...gaylien.
Grace: We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.

Karen: The thing is, I'm starting to feel as if I don't own my own husband anymore.
Will: You mean you don't know your own husband anymore.
Karen: Well, that's what I just said honey!
Will: No, you s-- You said "own."
Karen: No, I said "I feel like I don't own my own, like I don't, like I--" Ohhh! Alright, ding, ding, ding, you win on Jeopardy, smart guy.

Will: Why are you looking at me like that?
Grace: I know what you did last summer!
Will: Pardon?
Grace: The movie. I rented it. I Know What You Did Last Summer...
Will: Oh, I see
Grace: And...An Affair to Remember...with The Client!

Grace: Oh, my god. So what could it be? I mean, what could it be that--that he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me? It must be something he didn't want us to know.
Jack: Good work, Nancy Drew! Let's meet up at Old Mystery Creek!

Where There's a Will, There's No Way [1.07]

Karen: Grace, desperate times call for desperate measures, it's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!

Karen: [to Grace] Honey, we talked about this blouse. [into phone] Oh, hello. Xander Freeman, please. Yes, hello, Xander. I have Grace Adler calling. Oh. Ohh, yes, she's just as beautiful as ever! Oh. Oh, that's very sweet. Goodbye! [Hangs up.] He's gotten fat.
Grace: What?! What?! What did you just do?
Karen: Honey, he had the "ho ho ho" chortle, which basically says "I'm a fatty now."

Will: First of all, they'll give you a payment plan, which you won't follow. Then they'll garnish your wages, which you don't have. Then they'll take away everything you own... which would be your gym membership. Then...finally, they will put you in jail.
Jack: No, no, no. They can't put me in jail, 'cause since I never started paying my taxes, I can continue not paying them. I saw that on television.
Will: On what? The Delusional Channel?

[Will, Jack, Karen and friends are playing cards.]
Will: The game is Follow the Queen.
Karen: [Karen looks to Will and Jack.] I don't know where to turn.

The Buying Game [1.08]

Grace: Oh, no. No Mexican. Fajita hair. It frizzes when the steaming chicken hits the table.
Karen: Honey, does it ever unfrizz?
Grace: Yeah. When you do work.

Jack: I finally found my life's calling, and it involves these two hands.
Will: Ah. So you're going to be self-employed.
Jack: Insert laugh...here. I'm going to be a massage therapist. It was an obvious choice, being that I am a people person. I love people...as long as they're not hairy...or smelly...or have the dreaded bacne, ugh. Ok, I need some guinea pigs. Who's interested?
Will: Smelly.
Grace: Hairy.
Jack: Thank you, friends.
Karen: Bacne. Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass. I just don't want to do it.

Grace: You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even...funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, m-my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...
Will: Grace...
Grace: I haven't had sex in five months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting on line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity-looking thing...bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [Sobs.]

Jack: No! Karen, I can't do it anymore. Every day I come in here and I touch your naked body. We don't talk, there's no emotion. I'm acting like a straight guy, and it's making me sick. I took an oath in front of God and my mother, "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it."

The Big Vent [1.09]

Grace: Ugh, man. Even disembodied voices are getting more action than I am.

Will: This is pathetic, Grace. What, you come home early just to catch "Days of Our Vent?"
Grace: No! I thought I would cook shepherd's pie.
Will: Pray tell, Julia Child, what's in shepherd's pie?
Grace: Um...shepherds? Sheep? Pie?

Grace: Oh, Uwe is such a liar! How could she lie like that?
Will: I don't know. Why don't you ask her up for some shepherd's pie and ask her? Wait a minute, her name is "Uwe?"
Grace: No. It's just that they're always walking out of the room when he says her name, so all I get is "Uwe."
[Jack enters, wearing glasses.]
Jack: What do you think of my glasses? What do they say?
Will: They say, "Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."
Jack: [Pointing at Will] And guys don't make passes at guys with fat asses.

Karen: [On the phone] Rosario. Hi, honey, listen, I'm running a little late. Yeah, things are muy loco at the oficina. Mmm, listen, I'm gonna need you to feed the kids and read 'em something before bedtime...Well, I don't know, honey. Why don't you read them that book they love? "Green Eggs and I'm Hammered." No, Rosario, now why would I want to speak to them?

Grace: Oh, it's so tragic. Her husband is out there saving lives at a hospital while sluttina flits around the apartment in a satin robe having...
Will: Whoa, whoa, slow down there, church lady. First of all, Thomas is a dermatologist. He's not saving lives, he's popping zits. And second, he's been checked out of that relationship for two years now. Trust me, she's gonna leave him for Dennis.
Grace: Oh, that would be totally immoral. It would break the commandment about...um...coveting thy husband's brother's ass.
Will: Wow. I break that one all the time.

The Truth About Will and Dogs [1.10]

Will: Hey. Got Thai food. Again. Mainly because I'm obsessed with the yum yai salad. You know, it announces its own goodness right in its name: yum yai.
Grace: Huh. You're kind of a geek.

Karen: Grace, the bitch we hate is on line one.

Karen: Forget the pooch. Where's the hooch?!

Karen: Honey, I am so glad I took it upon myself to thin out Grace's closet. I just could not let her go on thinking she could pull off yellow.

Jack: I...love this dog! We totally bonded. We just sat there together in the park. He checked out butts. I checked out butts.

Will on Ice [1.11]

Grace: Jada Pinkett.
Will: Mmm.
Grace: Hate her.
Will: Wow, that's kinda harsh. I mean, she's not very...
Grace: Will, you know the rules. Love or hate, no gray area, just like life.
Will: Hate her.
Grace: Good boy.

Karen: Honey, did you try Balthazar?
Grace: Karen, Steak & Brew are spitting at me through the phone. How would I get a table there?
Karen: Oh, Grace, I am your assistant. Now, I may not be a whiz at the...[points]
Grace: Computer.
Karen: Or know how to work the...[points]
Grace: Fax.
Karen: But, honey, I do know how to get where I need to be. Now hand me the--
Grace: Phone.
Karen: Well, honey, I would have gotten that one.

Vendor: Popcorn!
Will: Yes! Popcorn! I've been calling you for like an hour.
Vendor: Oh, so you were the one. I thought it was the 49,000 other people that are in here!

Karen: Honey, where are you going? Don't leave me here with these ice freaks!! [to woman sitting next to her] Honey, this shirt on you is heaven.

My Fair Maid-y [1.12]

Karen: You know what those rocks need? A little scotch.

Karen: Gosh, I don't think I've ever been stressed out. I mean, why would I be? I got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze, and I got a killer rack! Good morning!
Grace: Oh, when you smile, you have the cutest little wrinkle right there!
Karen: Where?! (runs to mirror)
Grace: Feel that? That's stress.

Grace: [to the maid when she shouts at her.] At least Mary Poppins did it with a song and a dance - you're like a spoonful of whoopass!

The Unsinkable Mommy Adler [1.13]

Jack: Anyways, I'm collecting data to put on the Internet. The world should know the truth about C-3P0.
Will: Jack, C-3P0 is not gay, he's British.

Yours, Mine, or Ours [1.16]

Jack: So what's cookin', average lookin'?

Secrets and Lays [1.17]

Grace: Don't answer that. It's probably just the wind...blowing a pine cone against the door...three times in rapid succession.

Grace: Your cook's name is 'Cook'?'
Karen: No, Grace, he has a name. I just don't remember it. No wait a minute, it'll come to me, it'll come to me... "Where are my damned eggs... Paul!" Paul. God, Paul is dead. Now who the hell is gonna cook for us?!

[hearing that her Cook is dead, Karen decides to try and cook.]
Karen: Men, go hunt wild game, there's a White Hen Pantry three miles down the hill.
[She throws the keys at Jack and Will. They let it fall to the ground making no attempt to catch it.]
Grace: Karen, the gays don't catch.

[Grace thanks Karen for letting them use the cabin. After which she responds]
Karen: Oh, no problem, honey, Stan had to take the kids down to Scaresdale to see their real mother. What was her name? Wait a minute, it'll come to me..."Stan, take the kids to see that bitch...Kathy!"

Season 2

Guess Who's Not Coming To Dinner? [2.01]

Will: Oh, so I, uh, I gave my phone number to that guy at Border's books.
Grace: Phone number or business card?
Will: Business card...
Grace: Not hot.
Will: Why? What?
Grace: "Hi. I'm intimidated by the possibility of rejection, but my secretary isn't. Call her!"
Will: I'm not intimidated by anything.
Grace: Then call.
Will: Oh, yeah, and what if he's there, huh? He says hello, and...where does that leave me?
Grace: You are a disgrace to your people.

Karen: Hey, poodle.
Jack: Who's your daddy?
Karen: You are.
Will: Sorry to get you up so early, Karen.
Karen: Oh, grow up, honey. I haven't been to bed yet.
Will: I need to speak to both of you about Rosario.
Jack: Hey, hey, hey, that's Mrs. Jack McFarland to you.
Will: I thought you were Mrs. Jack McFarland.
Jack: Ha ha. And I thought you didn't have love handles! I guess we're both wrong. Ha ha ha.
Will: I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a post-menopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.
Karen: Ok, are we done yet?
Will: No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.
Jack: I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh. My very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.
Will: No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together anymore. She's got her own apartment.
Jack: [to Karen] 8 dysfunctional feet away.
Karen: Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.

Karen: Hey. Hey, you're on the clock, tamale. Get to work!
Rosario: Listen, lady, I'll squash you like a wormy apple.

Karen: Oh, for God's sake, it's just gonna be the 4 of us! Grab a bottle, hunker down, and pray for daylight!

Rob: What's that smell?
Grace: [yelling] It's cat pee! A cat has peed. The entire apartment is soaked in cat urine, ok?!
Rob: Smells like rosemary.
Grace: Oh, that's the chicken.

Das Boob [2.03]

[At an art show, Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
Grace: What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.
[Karen walks past them.]
Karen: Good lord, why don't you two get a room?

Polk Defeats Truman [2.05]

Grace: Your lips can go from here [points to Will's lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]

To Serve and Disinfect [2.06]

[Jack has accidentally slammed the door onto Grace's face.]
Grace: Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]
Jack: Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [Aside to Will] For the second time.
Grace: [sticking her head through window into room] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.
Jack: I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [Jack closes the window and waves goodbye.]
Jack: [to Will] Guess what. I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have 8 men under me. How great is that?
Will: 8 men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?

Jack: You couldn't do my job for one night. I challenge you!
Will: Ok, I'll do it.
Jack: Ha! I knew you wouldn't do it, because you are scared...
Will: I agreed.
Jack: ...What just happened?

Homo for the Holidays [2.07]

Judith McFarland: [in response to Jack telling her he is gay.] Looking back on it…there have been clues. When you were a child, you were overly fond of the nursery rhyme "Rub-a-dub-dub, 3 men in a tub". And you do have a lot of flamboyantly gay friends. I mean, look at Will!

Grace: Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.
Karen: How could she not know? What is she, headless?

I Never Promised You An Olive Garden [2.09]

Karen: Honey, Stan can't make it. He's having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his...kidneys...I wasn't really paying attention.

Will: Holy hangover, Batgirl. How fun was last night?
Grace: So fun. Naomi and Kai know all the best clubs.
Will: Yeah. Who'd have thought that after 2 a.m., Tiki Donuts becomes a Latino drag queen bar?
Grace: I forget... Is "chocolate éclair" the name of a donut, or one of the performers?
Will: Why are you screaming at me? Yech. [Will puts his head in sink under running water.]
Grace: [looking down her shirt] Oh, my God. When did I get my nipple pierced?
Will: [looking down Grace's shirt] That's your earring.
Grace: [Pulling ring out] Not right. So what time are we hooking up with them tonight?
Will: Midnight. It's gonna be wild.
Grace: This whole week has been wild.
Will: I know. They're crazy.
Grace: They're fantastic.
Will: I hate them.
Grace: Me too.

The Hospital Show [2.17]

[An extremely young nurse enters to take Grace's blood.]
Grace: Isn't— isn't there someone else who is a little more… experienced? Someone who didn't drive in… on a Big Wheel?
Nurse Pittman: [in a lispy Valley girl lilt] Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"

[Jack runs by the waiting area.]
Will: Gay ferrets to the waiting area, gay ferrets to the waiting area.

There But for the Grace of Grace [2.21]

Will: I was just flirting with the cutie rent-a-guy.
Grace: By making fun of me. Ok, so I don't know that much about cars.
Will: Grace, he asked if you wanted a V-6 or a V-8, and you said you preferred a Diet Coke.

Karen: Sorry, fruit, you're out of the loop.

Joseph Dudley: Sharon, you have all the charm of a flesh-eating virus.

Ben: So, the salad's done. The risotto is cooking. Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick, so you're asking the wrong gal, ok?

My Best Friend's Tush [2.22]

Karen: Honey, love you like a cold sore!

Season 3

New Will City [3.01]

Grace: [to Will] My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.

Fear and Clothing [3.02]

Will: Somebody was definitely trying to get in. The doorjamb was messed with.
Jack: Yeah, but the ball cock is ok.
Grace: What? Why did you check the toilet?
Jack: I didn't. I just like saying it. Heh heh...

Will: All right, Well, there's nothing we can do tonight. So, you wanna - wanna stay here?
Grace: No, No, I'm not going to be chased out of my own apartment. Then they'll have won. I'm gonna be strong. Will you sleep over with me tonight? Please! [Begging] Please, Please, Please --
Will: Why do I only get these offers from women? Ok, All right, All right, All right!
Grace: Thank you! Who's my hero? Who's my big strong man?
Will: I don't know. We'll stay over till he shows up.

Will: Ow!
Will: What?
Will: Could we talk about your toenails?
Grace: I'm sorry. I'll cut them.
Will: Don't you need them for tree climbing and warding off predators?

Will: Did I just scream like a woman?
Grace: Don't flatter yourself. You scream like a girl.

Grace: Can you imagine if whoever it was had actually gotten in? He probably would've made me rub lotion all over myself so he could make a prairie skirt out of my skin. Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.
Karen: Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.
Grace: What does that have to do with the break-in?
Karen: Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.

Grace: Are you two still fighting?
Jack: What is she doing here? It's 9:45. Shouldn't she be at lunch?
Karen: What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be at the Westside Y bobbing for boyfriends?

Husbands and Trophy Wives [3.03]

Girl Trouble [3.04]

Gillian: And, honey? That colour doesn't even look good on an orange, okay?

Love Plus One [3.06]

Jack: Oh my God, I love TV. Buffy is my life! I'm so into Willow being a lez.

Lows in the Mid-Eighties [3.08]

Grace: That's not a compliment! A compliment is 'you're sexy', 'you turn me on', not 'one look at you proves I'm a queer!

Three's a Crowd, Six Is a Freak Show [3.09]

Karen: HEY PREGGO, WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?!

Coffee and Commitment [3.10]

Jack: Hey friends, lovers, mothers, and other strangers you are never going to believe what happened to me. [trips] Oh my God, did you see that? I almost did a half-nelson, I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, mister tomatoes. [takes a drink of ice coffee and pulls out a second ice coffee from inside a bad] Huge news! I have met, are you ready for this, mister right. Well, mister right now anyway, ba-dum-dum, good night folks, I’m here all week! Jack 2000! [takes another sip of ice coffee] He works over at the Jumpin’ Java. You know, that coffee shop over on 72nd and his name is Paul and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets and the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets, and the sweatier he gets….I forgot where I am going with this, but, the point is [takes another sip] me likey he and he likey me and the best part is shazam he gives me free ice coffee every time I go in which is every hour on the hour and thank you very much and occasionally on the half hour. Ba-da-da-da-da-da! [blows raspberry]

Karen: Don't Worry Jackie, I'll kick coffee too! I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's Straight. It'll still be the best part of waking up!

Will: What are you dressed for? Open-heart surgery?

Swimming Pools...Movie Stars [3.11]

Grace: Oh, my God. I know this apartment. You'll never guess whose it is. You're gonna die.
Will: We're all gonna die, Grace. The important thing is what you do while you're here.

Karen: Hey, poodle. Love your scooter.
Jack: Thanks. Love your hooters.

Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

Cheryl: Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.
Karen: I have no idea what you just said.
Cheryl: I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family, but when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling. [turns to walk away]
Karen: Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.

Grace: Have you been eating my makeup?! Will, this lie is SO big, it involves paperwork and a notary.

Crazy in Love [3.12]

Grace: You said that money was no object.
Karen: Honey, that's just a saying, like, "Ooh, that sounds like fun," or, "I love you."

Karen: My mother's crazy. That's why I had her committed. Well, she's not crazy so much as she just bugged me. Heh. She's a bitch.

[after Will and Matt play a game of basketball]
Will: That was pretty good. Oh, yeah. You know, I was a little rusty at first--
Matt: But then you warmed up and you just plain sucked.
Will: Hey! That's--that's not fair. I--I beat that one guy.
Matt: He was four.
Will: He was seven if he was a day!

Will: Ok, basketball's not my game.
Matt: Yeah, I kind of suspected that when I suggested a game of Horse and you got down on all fours.
Will: I knew that sounded too good to be true.
Matt: Look, you don't have to pretend to like sports for me.
Will: Yes, I do. It's why you broke up with your last boyfriend, isn't it?
Matt: Do you really think I'm that shallow? I broke up with him because he was poor. I'm kidding! I'm kidding. We were just different. I like foreign movies. He liked foreign men.

Brothers, a Love Story [3.13]

My Uncle the Car [3.14]

[Trying to start up her Uncle Jerry's old car]
Grace: OK, here we go.
[Grace tries to start the car, but it just clicks]
Grace: That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?
Karen: Oh my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!
Will: Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.

Sister Louise: My family dropped me off at a convent when I was three. Yeah, they told me that I was going to the zoo. I was so excited, they dressed me up, gave me a lollipop. All I wanted to do was see the peniguns. Ironic, isn`t it?

Cheaters, Part I [3.15]

Karen: You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint, would you?
Lady: Why, yes, I do. It's in my purse.
Karen: Well, pop it! It's not doing you any good in there!
Lady: How offensive!
Karen: Honey, it's your breath, not mine.

Karen: Honey, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

Mad Dogs and Average Men [3.16]

Grace: Wow, is it me, or are you hot in here? [laughs nervously] Oh, God, I hate myself...

Karen: Oh, he's my nephew.
Grace: Your nephew? You're an aunt?
Karen: You know, I do have a family.
Grace: I know. I just always imagined they lived in pods somewhere in your boiler room...and they only came out at night to race from village to village stealing people's essences.
Karen: Oh, honey...I don't have a boiler room.

Grace: Sumner, hi. If you're looking for your Aunt Karen, she's not here. She doesn't work on days that end with..."day."

Karen: He's my nephew, and I love him like a son of a bitch! And I mean that literally. Stan's sister's a bitch.

Karen: Well, don't let it go to your head. Your hair's already such a disaster that the Red Cross wouldn't give it coffee! Ah! Ha ha! Ha ha!

Poker? I Don't Even Like Her [3.17]

Karen: So, how they hangin', honey?
Candy: Well, thanks to Dr. Kipper, three inches higher. Listen. As much as I'd love to stay here sweatin' with the oldies, I'm getting a little woozy from the booze-y seeping from your enlarged pores.
Karen: Oh, honey, they're not enlarged. They're just in shock over that hair color.

The Young and the Tactless [3.19]

Will: Hide the crucifixes. Beelzebooze is here.
Karen: Ha ha. Oh, honey. I got a fake laugh with your name all over it.

Last of the Really Odd Lovers [3.21]

Val: I'm wearing your dirty bathwater in a vial around my neck.
Jack: Okay. Time to go psycho!

Sons and Lovers [3.22]

Will: He's using my new Chantal sauté pan with a metal-edged spatula. There is no way a crêpe is ever going to slide off that again.
Grace: Wow, you are more gay before 9 a.m. than most people are all day.

Season 4

The Third Wheel Gets the Grace [4.01]

Will: [in bed with Grace] How's Nathan?
Grace: Mmm...in a word...Bootylicious. Ah, it's so good. And the sex...
Will: He likes it, doesn't he?
Grace: He does.
Will: Even though you're a girl.
Grace: I know, crazy, isn't it? And he does this thing...
Nathan: [Pops out from under blanket] Guys, Bootylicious is in the room.

Grace: Um, I'm sorry. Uh, I sort of promised Will that we were gonna do mannies and peddies this morning. You want to come?
Nathan: Hm. What's the use? I sit for an hour, and then the second I take my keys out of my purse, my tips are shot to hell.

Karen: I've got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

Grace: You and I, we have to stay focused. You know how sharks are eating machines? We are shopping machines. That means all we do is shop, and poop. Shop, and poop. Got it? So what are we going to do now?
Nathan: God, I hope it's shop.

Karen: I have been standing around here all day with these low-end discount-shopping freaks.
[Woman in yellow blouse looks at Karen.]
Karen: Oh, not you, honey. You're perfection. But I'd rethink the yellow. It's making you look a little "hepi b."

Past and Presents [4.02]

Grace: You sure you don't want me to stick around in case Kevin comes back? You know I'm a good biter. I once bit a jump rope in half.
Will: Why?
Grace: What do you mean, "why"?!

Grace: Congratulations. [Points at Karen's pin] I see they're finally giving out medals for evil.

Karen: Honey, you're a little close.
Grace: I'm going to kick your ass.
Karen: Well, why, honey? What did I do?
Grace: You trumped my gift...the first gift...the gift he'll always remember. And because of that, I'm going to kick your ass.
Karen: Honey, you're scaring me a little bit.
Grace: I'm a little scared, too, Karen, 'cause I have never been so overwhelmed with the desire to kick your ass.
[Karen points behind Grace.]
Karen: Look, honey, it's an attractive gay man!

Nathan: Ahh, there's nothing like hoppin' on your hog first thing in the morning and riding it 'til your butt gets tired.
Jack: You're preaching to the choir, ok?

Karen: Why, Grace Alden, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Grace: Adler. My last name is Adler.
Karen: Oh, that's pretty.

Crouching Father, Hidden Husband [4.03]

Will: Let me try to explain this in terms you'll understand. I'm tequila. [Will picks up small bottles on Karen's desk.]
Karen: Oh, I'm liking this story better already!
Will: These are my friends gin, vodka, and scotch. [Scottish accent] Hello, Karen!
Karen: Hiya, kids.
Will: Now. You got an emergency. You want a bloody mary. You've poured yourself a thimble of tomato juice. Who you gonna call? Me? Tequila?
Karen: What is this crazy talk? I want my vodka!
Will: Exactly. So from now on, you only call tequila when you have a legal problem.
Karen: Ok, I get it now. You're comin' in loud and queer!

Elliot: I don't know. Maybe cause he's gay.
Nancy: He is? One of my moms is gay!
Elliot: Really?
Nancy: Yeah, but she's not a good dancer. She built our house, though.

Jack: There's my boy. Dancing with a girl.
Grace: Wanna dance with a girl?
Jack: Sure. Do you?
Grace: Sure.
[Jack and Grace dance.]

Prison Blues [4.04]

Grace: Oh my God, look at me! I'm wearing a scarf to go to prison. I might as well be wearing a big sign that says, "Strangle me!!"

Guard: Name, please?
Karen: Karen Walker. I'm Stanley Walker's wife.
Guard: Excuse me?
Karen: [shouts] I'm his bitch! Ok? Is that what you want to hear? I'm Stanley Walker's bitch! And I'm his one and only, just in case you pervs get any ideas during those lonely nights at lockdown--
Guard: Ma'am, I just couldn't hear what you said.
Karen: Oh.

[Anthony Dukane from Channel 3 News is interviewing Will on videocamera]
Anthony Dukane: Mr. Truman, do you think your client was treated more or less fairly because of his wealth and status?
Will: Um...the--the status of Mr. Wacker...Whitman! Waxer!
Anthony Dukane: Walker
Will: Walker, thank you! [giggles] Um...buoy buoy...the..the answer to your question is...is, uh, Mr. Guilter's walk...[laughs and mumbles "Mr. Guilter's walk" under breath] Mr. Guilter's alleged walk...Wait, what I'm...What I'm trying to say is, yes, he's rich, he's very rich, but that doesn't mean he's...he's poor. Hoozie boyzie ho....
Will: [to Jack] Uh, what did I just say?
Jack: Hoozie boyzie ho.

Karen: Hey. How about bringing the volume down to foghorn level?
Rosario: Up yours, Count Drunkula.

Jack: How sorry am I? "S" is for how very sad you make me feel. "O" is for, oh, how very bad you make me feel. "R" is for how wrong you make me feel.
Zandra: And the other "R" is for how rotten you are. Get off. Get off the stage! I don't want to even look at you anymore.

Loose Lips Sink Relationships [4.05]

Grace: Uhhh...I had sex with 23 people. Does that seem like a lot or a little?
Jack: A little
Will: A lot!
Karen: Oh honey, everything I say about you behind your back is true!
Grace: Hey, no, no, no. No judgments. We're just having a healthy discussion. We're not here to shame anyone. Sweetie what was your number?
Nathan: 5
Grace: Oh my God, how embarrassing.

Jack: Well, look, um...thrilled to be here, love you, love everything about you, thinking about being you for Halloween.

Grace: Karen...I wanna ask you something, but it's really personal, and I'm afraid you're gonna be insensitive.
Karen: Oh, honey. That makes me feel bad, try me!
Grace: Ok. Do you think it's weird that I've had more partners but less actual sex than Nathan?
Karen: No. No, honey! That just means that people like having sex with Nathan and they don't like having sex with you!
Grace: I can't believe I hesitated to ask you about that.
Karen: Oh relax, honey I didn't mean it like that, of course I didn't! Listen to me! I just meant that people don't like having sex with you, ok?

Rules of Engagement [4.06]

Bed, Bath, and Beyond [4.07]

Will: Thank God she hasn't broken out the slides yet.
Jack: Ohh, thank God is right!
Will: You know about the slides?
Jack: No, I just assumed it had something to do with her womanity so I thought we'd just skate right past it
Will: No. Slides of Grace as a kid. Whenever she hits a real low point she breaks out the slide projector and spends a few days trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Jack: I'd say it was the day she became a gay man and fell in love with you.

[Jack is trying to make Grace cry]
Grace: Will, please make it stop. Shake a can of pennies at it.

Karen: Hi girls, how's Grace?
Will: Bad.
Karen: How bad?
Will: Mariah Carey in Glitter.
Karen: Hi honey, whatcha doing?
Grace: Just reading some old letters Nathan wrote me. Listen to this one, it's beautiful. "We...we need milk!!" [starts sobbing] I mean, how sweet is it to remind me to get milk?
Karen: Well, I...never understood the mating rituals of the poor, but... but it...it sounds nice.
Grace: This shoulda worked out, Karen.
Karen: Oh, coulda, shoulda, Prada, honey!

Rosario: You better watch it, lady, 'cause the next time you take a bath, it'll be rub-a-dub-dub I dropped a blender in the tub.

[Looking at slides of herself]
Grace: This is me as a little girl. Look at that big, goofy smile. STUPID IDIOT, OPEN YOUR EYES, NO ONE'S EVER GONNA LOVE YOU!!

Star-Spangled Banter [4.08]

Grace: If you were any gayer, you'd be Elton John's fanny pack.

Moveable Feast [4.09]

Karen: So, how'd you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?

Will: I'm hungry.
Grace: I'm thirsty.
Karen: I could hump a tree.

Stakin' Care of Business [4.10]

Will: It was winter. He didn't have any heat in his apartment, and we were lying there, and he said, "Will, I'm cold, would you...cuddle me bum?

Karen: Oh, honey. You have a dream. You know, I had a dream too. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh look, my dream came true!

Jack: I couldn't help overhearing...because I was standing here listening...

Karen: Because...Karen Walker helps people. You know, I was just a scared single mom working in a factory, trying to put food on the table, but when I heard about the barbaric conditions in our workplace, I knew something had to be done. I didn't even care how management was gonna brutalize me. No. I stood up on that table, I rang that bell, and I said 'Union! Union! Union!'

Jingle Balls [4.11]

Will: It's a new relationship. It's very fragile. It's like in 7th-grade science class, you know, when we had to grow that little bean in a cup?
Grace: I don't know. I was still trying to grow breasts.
Will: You'd wait for it to sprout, then you bring it out into the light, and it would grow into a great big bean stalk?
Grace: So what are you saying, Robert's a giant? He's freakishly tall?
Will: Are you having your stroke in installments?

Jack: Here we are. I'm designing a Barney's window. Oh, Karen, I feel so artistic. Gosh, I have so many ideas, I could just pee!
Karen: Oh, honey, you're a regular Leonardo.
Jack: You know, even with the extra L.B.'s, he's still my favorite actor.
Karen: And I really think that this window is gonna be your Titanic.
Jack: Thank you, Karen.

Grace: So I repeated the joke. When you discovered "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," you rode that till the wheels fell off.

Karen: I've been on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, but not on Blitzen. He likes to watch, ok?!

Karen: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Whoa, Nelly! [4.12]

Grace in the Hole [4.13]

Will: Jack, this isn't like the pound where you can take home the one that wags his tail at you... Or some gay bar where you can... take home the one that wags his tail at you.

Will: Oh, Grace. You're dating a convict? Does it come to this?
Grace: He's not a convict. He is just some guy who did some white collar real estate thing and needs to be behind bars for a little while until he learns his lesson.
Will: Oh. Hey, he wouldn't happen to have a brother who's not gay but likes to have sex with men, does he?

Karen: Well, as my cell mate, you'd be my bitch. You'd be subject to being molested at any time, day or night.

Jack: This is worse than prison. This is high school.

Jack: Ah, Karen... Beneath those big breasts beats a heart as big as those breasts. Do you want me to come with you?
Karen: No, honey. Like lovemaking, this is something best done by myself.

Dyeing Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard [4.14]

Jack: Hey, what's new? Oh, really? That's good, that's great, you guys work hard, you deserve it. What's new with me? Not too much. Looking good, smelling good. If I weren't so busy, I'd date myself!
Grace: Ok, I've read about this. You're never supposed to wake them.

Karen: Knock-knock. Anybody homo?
Jack: I am, I am!

Will: Yeah, you know what? You know when I said I was a professional tennis player, that was because...you know how you throw the word "professional" around like, like Heather Graham is a "professional" actress?

Bonnie: Yes, I am. I'm gay.
Jack: Prove it! Say something lesbianic.
Bonnie: Home Depot.
Jack: [gasps] k.d. lang, you are a lesbian!

Jack: Wow. Elliot has two gay parents. That's like... every kid's dream.

A Chorus Lie [4.15]

[Cell phone rings.]
Will: Jack, your ass is ringing.
Jack: That means a gay angel just got his wings.

Beverley: Oh, are you insinuating that handsome, handsome man you arrived with is your lover?
Karen: How dare you?! I love my husband! I would never dream of violating the sacred trust of our marriage by taking a lover! He's my whore.
Beverley: Ah! Your gigolo I don't believe you!
[Will walks in the room.]
Will: Well, I won't be getting any sleep tonight. It's as hard as a rock.

Jack: Uh, excuse me. As Aretha said to Gloria, Celine, Shania, and Mariah during Divas Live, "Are you trippin'? No one interrupts the Queen of Soul, bitch. Ok?"
Owen: Well, I believe she also said, "Hey, Cuba, Canada, cowgirl, Crazy, get out of my light and away from my snacks, bitch."

Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. [quickly] What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?
Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.
Jack: Name?
Owen: Ben.
Jack: I know him.
Owen: No, you don't.
Jack: How do you know?
Owen: He told me you don't.

[Grace pretends to trip and spills tea on her blouse.]
Grace: Oh! God! Darn! Look at that! I should take this off. It's not good to be wet too long. [pulls open her blouse] Oh! What am I doing?! Oh, wait a minute. You don't care. You're gay, right?
Owen: Oh, right. Right. I'm gay.
Grace: So you don't mind if I--[Grace takes off her top.]
Owen: No, I'm gay. You should definitely take your shirt off.
Grace: [Grace flaunts her bra in front of Owen's face] It's cute, right? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm making you uncomfortable.
Owen: No, no, no. I'm not uncomfortable. I'm gay. We love bras, right? That is a really, really good one. I mean, it is awesome! Uh, I mean, it's, uh, it's fantabulous.
Grace: Well, if you like that, you're gonna love the jeans. [puts her leg on top of Owen's lap] Touch 'em. It's ok. You know, 'cause you're gay.
Owen: Right. I mean, why should you care, you know? Whoop! My hand seems to be traveling up your thigh towards your, uh... Rockin' ass! Ahh, but who cares, right? Because I'm gay! So it's all right if I tell you you're beautiful and throw you down on this couch and make out with you fiercely, right?
Grace: Yep. Because you're gay, I should be on top. You know, you're a good kisser for a gay guy! And I've kissed a lot of gay guys!

Someone Old, Someplace New [4.16]

Will: We're constantly on top of each other. We have no privacy. Last night, I heard noises from your bedroom that sounded like a pig being tickled.
Grace: So, I snore a little. Well, you're a loud pee-er. I swear, it sounds like the last hour of The Perfect Storm in there.

Jack: Um, but you know, Karen, I'd love to include your mother in my "Project Queen-light." What institution is she in?
Karen: Oh. I was just kidding when I told you she was in the loony bin. Funny story, actually. She's dead.
Jack: Ha ha ha ha.... What's funny about that?
Karen: Well, she was alive, and now she's dead. Get it? Ha ha ha!

Jack: I met Karen's mother. She's not dead. She's a cocktail waitress. It turns out Karen's father died when she was seven. Oh, my God. Can you imagine what Karen looked like when she was seven years old? Cute little pumps, cute little martini, cute little pills. Ah-ha-ha. Anyway, from then on, they moved around a lot until Lois met a man, a ne'er-do-well named Bernie. Or was it Todd? I don't know. I can't remember, 'cause at that point I zoned out 'cause some real hot fireman came into the bar. Oh, his name was Todd. That's right. Hot Toddy. Hot Toddy. Hot Toddy. Anyway, what did I do with his number? Actually, when Karen was 16, her and her mother had some big falling-out, and Lois wouldn't tell me what it was, but I have a feeling Karen killed a man with her bare breasts. All this is in my movie. I smell sequel.
[Will pushes Jack out the door.]
Grace: Wow. Karen has a mother?

Rob: Sorry we're late. Traffic was ridiculous.
Ellen: Well, maybe if you had taken the tunnel like I told you to, instead of taking us on a scenic tour of murderville, we could've been here on time! I'm irritable, I'm fat, and I have to pee.
[Ellen goes into the bathroom.]
Grace: Wow. I forgot Ellen stopped coloring her hair. Is it weird that she's not a redhead anymore?
Rob: Yeah, yeah. It's weird she's not a lot of things anymore. Red-headed, fun, nice. I just don't think she likes me anymore, guys.
Will: Come on. Why do you say that?
Rob: Well, it's the little things she says, like, "I don't like you anymore, Rob!"

Will: [on tape] So, Karen, on this, the centennial of your birth, Jack wants me to wish you a happy birthday. I hope all your wishes come true, and when you do become Satan's mistress, don't you forget the little people.

Something Borrowed, Someone's Due [4.17]

Grace: Bill just said 2002 was the last palindrome year of our lifetime, and I laughed, and he looked at me weird. A palindrome is some kind of elephant, right?

Karen: My mother is a con artist, ok? I send her a check once a month to keep her out of my hair. Yeah, my entire childhood was spent traveling with her from town to town, running scams on people. Never settling down. Just when I'd make a friend, have 'em over for milk and cookies... Bam! It was time to move on.
Jack: Karen, that's shocking. You drank milk?
Karen: The last town we lived in, I fell in love with a boy. Heh. He had long blond hair, delicate features, soft skin... At least I think it was a boy. Well, anyway, I was in love. And he or she loved me. Until my mom scammed her, too. Then he left me. That was when I left home and never looked back.
Jack: Karen, this isn't something you can runaway from. It's not like a hotel bill or a crying baby.

Grace: Oh! Oh, do you have any catsup?
Will: Why, did you find another French fry in your pocket?

Lois:There are a lot of things I would like to do over-- I would send you to the proper schools, I would stay put, I would never have broken up you and what's his name. I mean, she was nice.
Karen: Yeah...she was. I miss him.

Cheatin' Trouble Blues [4.18]

George: Oh, by the way, Will, that guy that just made partner at my firm-- Brian. He's gay.
Will: Really? The Canadian guy?
George: Oh, jeez, that was it-- Canadian. He's gonna call ya anyway.

Karen: I'll never forget it. My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and, suddenly... The lights went out, the elevator dropped, and...Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met. I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out. [cries.]
Jack: Karen, that wasn't you, that was the opening scene of Speed!
Karen: Oh. You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised. You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines, and, suddenly, you're on a bus? Wh--?

Went to a Garden Potty [4.19]

Jack: Karen, what about me?! I could star in your commercial!
Karen: No...
Jack: I'm an actor! Do I need to remind you I almost just got that part in Seven Grooms for Seven Brothers? Till that damn 15th guy showed up.
Karen: Honey, this is not some trashy downtown skit where you flit around in tights performing for homeless men in cardboard RVs. We need a virile, hunky, straight actor.
Jack: Uh, hello! I could totally play straight!
Karen: Oh, honey, no one in the world would believe you're straight. You're as gay as a clutch purse on Tony night. You fell out of the gay tree hitting every gay branch on the way down. And you landed on a gay guy. And you did him. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space. Why, you're so gay that--
[Jack grabs Karen, dips her and kisses her.]
Karen: And will you be needing your own trailer?

Jack: Oh, look! My ride's here, and it's a huff! I believe I'll leave in it!

Zandra: This better be good. You're taking time away from my slow, agonizing march toward death.

Zandra: You stupid little ass monkey!

Zandra: If I still smoked, I would take my Parliament and stick it in your eye! Oh, what the hell. I'm just gonna jab you with this dirty fork.

He Shoots, They Snore [4.20]

Jack: Ok, here's the scoop, Jackson. Elliot's got a basketball tournament in Connecticut this weekend. All the dads are going, but my boss Dorleen the Whore-leen is making me do inventory. So, will you take him? Please? I'll be up on Saturday. Please just say yes, I promise I won't ask for anything else again!
Will: Ok.
Jack: Damn you, Will! Damn your shiny, pointy face and your sarcastic quips!
Will: Hey, lord of the ring dings, I said I'd do it.
Jack: Oh. Sorry. I wasn't listening.

Will: Hey! Hey. It's, um, Ken, isn't it?
Ken: Yeah, yeah. Uh, this is Will. Uh, the guy I was telling you about.
Tim: Oh, so you're the gay guy.
Will: Yeah. Why, are you the torch-wielding villagers?

Will: Jack!
Jack: Don't Jack me!

Karen: Hi, what's going on? What's happening? What's the emergency?
Grace: I think I'm in trouble.
Karen: Well, you came to the right place. Here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna change your name, get you a new face, and ship you out of the country. Here's your passport.
Grace: [reading passport] "Rosario Salazar." This is your maid's.
Karen: She don't need it. She ain't going anywhere.

Jack: So one time, I was doing my big finale, Send in the Clowns. I went out on that big stage and I got so nervous I threw up twice. But the next night, I went back out on that stage, I summoned up my courage, and I only threw up a little. In my mouth.

Wedding Balls [4.21]

Jack: So, let me get this gay...

[Karen is showing Jack a card trick]
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up a card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: No.
Karen: Is this your card? [Holds up another card]
Jack: I can't remember.
Karen: Tada!
Jack: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
Karen: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks.

Jack: What, you couldn't go find a real person to hang out with, so you get Karen?

Jack: Yes, sir, I have a question. Why does your book tear people apart?
Rita: I don't think it does.
Jack: I think it does. [yelling] Maude!
Rita: Maybe you could be a little more specific in your analysis.
Jack: Oh, don't try to confuse us by speaking French.

Fagel Attraction [4.22]

Will: Anyway, I turned around to pick up my order and when I looked back, my laptop was gone.
Grace: It was so pretty. Titanium. It went with everything he has.
Will: Hmm. It made me look thin and tall. It had all of my work on it, all of my memos, my briefs... all of my e-mail!
Grace: Sweetie, calm down. It’s just a thing. No object is that important.
Will: It had your DVD in it.
Grace: Not Bring It On?!

Grace: I hate her. I hate Val. I hate her. I hate Val, and I'm the kind of person who doesn't hate anyone!
Karen: You hate your sister.
Grace: Well, she's hateful! But besides her, I don't hate anyone.
Karen: You hate your doorman.
Grace: Well, he calls me "kiddo" and clicks. [Clicks her tongue] Besides my doorman and my sister, I don't hate anyone.
Karen: You hate Teri Hatcher.
Grace: Oh, who doesn't?!

Gavin: You got a set of eyes like two inviting pools of chocolate pudding.

Will: Hey, that guy looks suspicious. He's in a gay bar eating a hot dog without any irony.

Hocus Focus [4.23]

Karen: Honey, you say potato, I say vodka.

Jack: You don't get to have ideas. This show is called "That Old Jack Magic," not "That Old Assistant's Magic."
Karen: Oh! Old?! Well, how do you know that? There are parts of me that were just a twinkle in a scientist's eye three weeks ago. Besides, I was just trying to help.
Jack: You wanna help? Then remember your place. You're the assistant...and let's not forget where that word comes from-- Latin, meaning "ass of an ant." So keep your ideas to yourself and assist. It shouldn't be that hard. It's what you do. Get it?
[Jack leaves the room.]
Karen: I'm gonna be so mad when my mood elevators wear off.

Will: Since when are you afraid to tell people what you think? You walked right up to Kevin Spacey and told him he owed you 9 bucks for K-PAX. I think it went something like this: "Hey, Spacey! Pay it forward!"

A Buncha White Chicks Sittin' Around Talkin' [4.24]

Karen: You know what else is incredibly sad? Poor people with big dreams. Actually, that's not so much sad as it is incredibly funny.

Karen: Hey! I'm gonna boink my fat husband in prison.

Karen: They don't even let you turn the lights out. I can't have sex with Stan if I can see him! How am I supposed to have a conjugal watchin' that con jiggle?!

Grace: I wanna travel the world. Anywhere. Everywhere. You know, as long as it's clean and they speak English and it's safe.
'Will: You've just narrowed your world travel plans down to Denver.

Karen: [Talking to security camera.] So you're really going to watch us have sex? Well, honey, it isn't going to be pretty. The good news is, it isn't going to be long either. And it should be pretty quick, too. [laughs] I like you.

A.I.: Artificial Insemination [4.25]

Grace: Ok, now, before you start judging and saying things like, "he's gay," and, "that's weird," and, "you're so flat that Will's gonna have to breast feed..." you should know that we are very serious about this.
Karen: Well, of course you are. [laughs] Breast feed. I'm funny...

Grace: Please tell me that you didn't drink your lunch yet.
Karen: Honey, I just got done drinking breakfast. You gotta give the liver a little time to digest!

Karen: Anastasia Beaverhousen. Anastasia, like Russian royalty. Beaverhousen, like... where the beaver live.

Cher: You know, don't talk to me about rejection, ok? I mean, look how many times I've gone down in flames. Remember, I lost the Oscar for Moonstruck.
Jack: But you won the Oscar for Moonstruck!
Cher: And don't you forget it.

Lionel: Ahh, Ms. Beaverhousen. I came as soon as you called.
Karen: Oh, well...that's really none of my business, but I'm glad you could make it.

Season 5

Humongous Growth [5.04]

Karen: [laughs] Kids are dumb.

Boardroom and a Parked Place [5.06]

Karen: Oh. Hi, honey. Listen, you gotta talk to that shower head. He got a little fresh. I had to put him in his place. Well...[whispers] my place.

Homojo [5.15]

Karen: Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe?

Dolls and Dolls [5.21]

Karen: [knocks on the washing machine glass] Where are the fish?
Jack: No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes, then they reuse them.
Karen: Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?

23 [5.23]

Jack: Gosh, Grace, it was so sweet of you to cook Will and Karen dinner.
Grace: Well, you know, I just figured after a long day at the divorce hearing, it would be nice to come back to a home cooked meal.
Jack: You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven.
Grace: Thanks Jack, and if you weren't gay, you'd go there too.

Lorraine Finster: [whispering] Pssst. I'd like you to have all your things out by tomorrow morning, all right?
Karen: [whispering] Oh, okay. Oh, pssst. I'd like you to eat me.

Season 6

Dames at Sea [6.01]

Last Ex to Brooklyn [6.02]

Leo: What do you mean Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
Karen and Jack: YAHOOOOOOOO!

Home Court Disadvantage [6.03]

Karen: I hate Leo. Yeah.
Grace: What?
Karen: Yep, hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. He's dull, he's ugly, and he don't make me laugh.

Karen: Beverley Leslie with your pants so tight, won't you be my partner tonight?
Beverly: Ooh, I would be honored.
Leo: You think we can take 'em?
Grace: Please, between the two of us, we've got 8 feet on them.

Me and Mr. Jones [6.04]

A-Story, Bee-Story [6.05]

Jack: [After a gay spelling bee] The other guy couldn't get 'erect'...I, however, could.

Jack: Got anything written on your freakishly tinier boob?
Karen: It's only smaller when its scared.

Heart Like a Wheelchair [6.06]

Nice in White Satin [6.07]

Swimming from Cambodia [6.08]

Strangers with Candice [6.09]

Fanilow [6.10]

Grace - 'Better him than me!'

The Accidental Tsuris [6.11]

A Gay/December Romance [6.12]

Karen: [When Grace ducks under the table to pick up the bowl of noodles she dropped] GRACE, PLEASE! A girl'll do anythin' to get a peek at my pie!

Ice Cream Balls [6.13]

Jack: Hey. I just got your message. You needed to see my ass and pee?
Will: I needed to see you A.S.A.P.

Season 7

FYI: I hurt, too [7.01]

Grace: You know, the old Grace would have done this...
[Grace smacks her hand onto Jack's forehead.]
Grace: But now, I just have this new serenity thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.
Will: He's not a person! He's not like Mr. Peanut.
Jack: Uh, Mr. Peanut is not a person, Will.
Karen: He's a legume.

Dance Cards & Greeting Cards [7.16]

Jack (to Beverley Leslie): How do I put this delicately?... You are a raging 'MO yourself!.

From Queer to Eternity [7.22]

Karen:My catch-phrase is: "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case." You figure it out.

Friends With Benefits [7.23]

Karen: The only complaint you have is that the American Kennel Club hasn't recognized you as a breed yet!

Season 8

Forbidden Fruit [8.12]

Karen: [singing] Hush, little gay boy, don't you cry…

Grace Expectations [8.16]

Jack: Hey, what's in the bag, fag?
Will: Oh. Muffins from James. Do you think it's weird that he got them by cutting in line, and then lying about need them for his dying mother?
Karen: No, not at all, honey. I mean, that's the same way we used to get bread and juice during the great depre--Eighties.

Partners 'n' Crime [8.21]

Grace: Will your not the President, Get out of my uterus!

Whatever Happened to to Baby Gin? [8.22]

Jack: Wow this baby name book is really great,oh heres a pretty one. Clitorissa.
Will: Thats Clarissa!
Jack: Oh well thats just gross.

The Finale [8.23]

Grace: Have another drink.
Will: Have another donut.
Grace: Fag!
Will: Hag!
Grace: Screw you.
Will: You wish
Grace: You couldn't!
Will: Not because I'm gay, because your hideous.

Leo: I want that old couple to be us, ya know I wana be gross with you.
Grace:(crying) I can be gross, people tell me I'm gross all the time.

[Karen & Jack talking to each other on the phone in the bathtub]
Karen: Hey Jackie
Jack: Hey Kare, whats the story drunken whorey!
Karen: Well, we need to do something to get will and grace back together, honey its been almost two years.
Jack: (gasp) Well why does it always fall on us to help those two?
Karen: I know poodle, ya know sometimes it seams like our soul purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.
Jack: Right! Its like all people see when they look at us are (in a low mocking voice)The supporting players on the will and grace show! , so how to get Will and Grace in the same room...
Karen: Jackie wait a minute, I just had an even better idea!
Jack: What!
Karen: Well honey I cant tell you over the phone!
Jack: Oh, of course.
[Both hang up phone, camera zooms out and they are in the same tub]

Karen: Honey ya know what I love about our plan to pay off a nurse to direct Will and Grace to the hospital room of a total stranger in a full body cast who's face is covered in bandages, each one of them thinking its one of us in that bed with our bones broken?
Jack: What?
Karen: The simplicity.

[Referring to Will and Grace after a fight]
Karen: Do you find them exausting?
Jack: I always have.

Unidentified episode

Will

  • That's why I should never meet a legend. It's always disappointing, like the time I met Big Bird at the Ice Capades. Not so big.
    • To Ben Ducette when Will first meets him.

(Actually Episode 8, of season 2)

Karen

  • Oh, you must be poor.
  • Thats like saying Prada's are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!!!
  • Rosario : "Sorry I'm late, did I miss girls night?"
Karen: "Honey you missed "girls" night by about a hundred years"
  • That's just another one of those buzz words that people throw around that don't really mean anything like "maternal" or "addiction."
  • Honey, it's just an award they invented to keep gay men off the streets for a night.
    • Karen, talking to James Earl Jones about the Tony Awards
  • Time to pay the corkage fee, Crazy!
    • Karen to Molly Shannon's charachter at an AA meeting
  • Honey, I haven't slept since 1972, but thank you!
    • Karen, after Rosario tells her that she better sleep with one eye open that night as a threat.
  • Oh, sorry I'm late. I wanted to make sure I missed most of dinner.
    • Karen after she shows up late to Will's birthday dinner

Jack

  • Ladies and gentlemen… JACK McFARLAND!
  • Just Jack!
  • Jack TWO-THOUSAND!
    • promoting his various acting routines
  • Holy dirty apartment, Fatman! (Season 2, Episode 18 'My Fair Maid-y"
  • Ladies and gentlemen, fresh from 45 minutes of butt-robics, I give you my ass!
  • There are no straight men, only men that haven't met Jack.
  • Heterosexuality, like the mid-west, is a state of mind

Dialogue

Will: Huh! Honey, I don't need your man. I got George Clooney.
Grace: Sorry, babe. He doesn't bat for your team.
Will: Well... He hasn't seen me pitch.

Unformatted

Karen: What's so great about a man anyway? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all the ham!

Will, Jack: We're here! We're queer! Give us a light beer!

Jack: [calming Grace down after she decides to start dating again after her divorce] Okay, okay, we get it! Attention hikers, all trails lead to Mount Grace!

Karen: HEY PREGGO, WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?!

Karen: Shouldn't you be in your tree making cookies?

[Grace asks Will which Lifetime movie is on]
Will: I'm Not Leaving Town Without My Daughter Because I Have a Brain Tumor, But Don't Hit Me, You Have a Drinking Problem.

Will: Does it hurt when you kiss your own ass while you bend over backwards?

Karen: Close your mouth, it looks like you're missing a chromosome!

Will: And you know what they say: if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you!

Will [as Mrs. Adler]: Honey, I'm just so thrilled about you and your little pillow store, but did I tell you the Schenectady Times said that my performance in Rent stole the show!
Grace: Well, I'm not surprised. I mean, look at you, Mom. You were born to play an adolescent struggling with homelessness and heroin addiction.

Karen: [After Will calls for Grace] Grace, the reason you're not in a relationship is on line one…

Karen: Honey, what's this? What's happening? What's going on here?

Grace: I don't think I've seen him this upset since they hired a female urologist at the free clinic.

Karen: Vodka, it's not just a breakfast drink anymore.

Karen: Oh… and one more thing… [hangs up phone]

Karen: Unless you're served in a frosted glass, you don't come within four feet of my lips!

Grace: Will, what is the point of having a gay best friend if you're not gonna dress me?

Karen: Husbands come and go, but the Chanel slingback is forever!

Rosario: I've got to tell you… I find these toilets that flush themselves very threatening.

Karen: That blouse hurts like a hangover.

Karen: Those shoes need to go back on the Mayflower.

Jack: Blahbity, bloo, blah, bley, touch me.

Will: I mean, who calls themselves "Psychic Sue"? It's like me calling myself "Lawyer Will" or you calling yourself "Designer Grace" or Jack calling himself "Jumping Ferret Jack".

Karen: After my body accepts your liver, I am through with you!

Karen: I brought party mix, complete with uppers, downers and candy corn. Just don't tell my doctor; he is trying to get me off sugar.

External links

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:

Simple English

Will & Grace
File:Will & Grace title
Format Situation comedy
Created by David Kohan
Max Mutchnick
Directed by James Burrows
Starring Eric McCormack
Debra Messing
Sean Hayes
Megan Mullally
Shelley Morrison
Country of origin
No. of seasons 8
No. of episodes 184 (List of episodes)
Production
Location(s) Los Angeles
Running time approx. 23 minutes
Broadcast
Original channel NBC
Original run September 21, 1998 – May 18, 2006
External links
Official website

Will & Grace is an Emmy winning comedy television show. The show featured four best friends, Will Truman (Eric McCormack), Grace Adler (Debra Messing), Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes) and Karen Walker (Megan Mullally). It was first aired in series beginning 1998 and series finale aired in 2006. It ran for 8 Seasons for a total of 194 episodes.

Cast








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