Zoey 101 (2005-) This popular
teen show on Nickelodeon stars Jamie Lynn Spears as Zoey, one of
the first girls to attend a previously all-boys boarding school
called Pacific Coast Academy. Her younger brother, Dustin, also
attends PCA and she has many friends there including Nicole, Chase,
Michael, and Quinn.
- Zoey: How many of you have ever played
(No one raises their hand)
- Zoey: How many of you would say you're good at
- Quinn: I once made a basketball explode!
- Zoey: (to Chase) My hero.
- Dana: Pass me the ball whenever you can, stay
out of my way!
- Nicole: Works for me.
- Nicole: Excuse me, have you noticed that she's
the only girl who can play on this team?
- Coach: I think everyone has noticed it
- Nicole: But that's my stuff!
(Dana glares at her)
- Nicole: That I'll be moving.
- Chase: Better be going, oh and watch out.
- Zoey: Why watch out?
- Chase: Well it's the first day at school lots
of kids like to pull pranks.
- Zoey: Like hanging your bike from a tree?
- Chase: Huh? Oh man; put that down you little
freaks!! I gotta go. Later.
- Zoey: Later.
- Chase: Oh and I almost forgot welcome to
- Zoey: Go save your bike
- Chase: Right.
- Zoey: Ok, Logan, tell ya what: I'll round up
my best five girls and you round up your best five guys. And we'll
see whose better at basketball.
- Logan: You serious?
- Nicole: Zoey!
- Zoey: I'm serious.
- Logan: Good. This Friday?
- Zoey: Why not?
- Logan: Then, you're on!
- Zoey: Good!
- Logan: Wanna make out?
- Zoey: Ew!
- Michael: Plus, we heard you guys got
- Chase: And cake.
- Zoey: Oh, so you guys just want pizza.
- Chase: And cake!
- Logan: Here's some advice: Try to make the
balls go in the basket.
- Zoey: Here's some for you: Try to make words
not come out of your mouth!"
- Dana: Can I play?
- Zoey: Sorry, we kinda got a full team.
- Quinn: Bye!
- Zoey: I guess you're in.
- Nicole: You're the only girl on our team that
can play this game. The rest of us are "suckish"
- Quinn: Is suckish a word?
- Logan: Hope you girls have learned your
- Coach: I sure have, how would you two girls
like to be on the basketball team?
- Dustin: Psst, Zoey, psst!
- Zoey: Dustin?
- Dustin: Good Luck! Sorry but I can't root for
- Zoey: Why not?
- Dustin: Because the guys said if I root for
the girls, they'll shave off my eyebrows!"
- Zoey: Don't let them scare you!
- Dustin: Too late, I'm way past scared, anyway,
- Nicole: (about the urinal) Why is it
- Zoey: Because this used to be a boy's
- Nicole: Well, it creeps me out.
- Zoey: You act like it's the first time you've
seen one of these things.
- Nicole: Oh, please, I wasn't born yesterday. I
know about boy stuff. So how do they sit on it?
- Chase: (points to Jim)...and there's the
- Zoey: That's the gym?
- Chase: Oh, no, that's my buddy, Jim. Hey
- Zoey: 'Sup Jim! I like Jim.
- Chase: Jim's good people.
- Nicole: You are a wizard with scissors. I'm
going to call you the Scissor Wizard!
- Zoey: No, you're not
- Nicole: Ok
- Zoey: You play sports?
- Nicole: Is shopping a sport?
- Zoey: No.
- Nicole: Then no.
- Zoey: Stop It. You know what Dana you are a
slob, and Nicole it is rude of you to use a stupid hair dryer when
people need quiet!
- Zoey: Quinn!
- Quinn: Yeah?
- Zoey: What are you doing?!
- Quinn: Monitoring your dreams... I think you
might be having a nightmare.
- Zoey: I am now!
- Zoey: Okay, I'm such a horrible roomate and
maybe I should move out!
- Michael: Save me!
- Chase: From what?
- Michael: (Points to Quinn) From her!
- Zoey: Maybe sometime you could hang out with
me and my roommates!
- Quinn: Aren't they the ones always
- Chase: Do girls like fooseball? Because if you
don't like fooseball,we could knit or something . . .
- Zoey: What? I can't brush my teeth for 5
minutes without you two (Nicole and Dana) trying to bludgeon each
- Nicole: We have to be at class by 8!
- Dana: Yeah, which is why I set my alarm clock
- Quinn: My name is Quinn and I invent things .
. . so I call them Quinnventions!
- Zoey: Oh, thats very . . .
- Chase: (About Quinn) She superimposed her name
on the word invention?
- Zoey: Yeah
- Chase: So bascially, she's quinnsane!
- Michael: Sup Chase?
- Chase: Oh! Hey! (attempts to hide rose he is
carrying behind his back)
- Michael: Whose the rose for?
- Chase: Oh this? Oh, you caught me . . . it's
- Michael: Thats nice man, but how about you
give it to Zoey instead?
- Chase: Thats an idea!!
- Chase: Look, don't tell Logan.
- Zoey: So you want to see if my food is
- Quinn: Happy, sad, angry, frightened...
- Chase: I'm frightened!
- Zoey:Quinn happens to be the perfect
- Quinn: Zoey, I'm about to iron my underwear.
Want me to do yours?
- Zoey: I don't iron my underwear...
- Quinn: Whatever.
- Dana: Yeah, she's a good one!
- Zoey: At least we don't fight all the
- Dana: Neither do we.
- Nicole: Yeah, since you moved out, we've been
getting along great.
- Dana: (puts arm around Nicole) Yeah, best
- Zoey: That's good for you. Bye!
- Dana: (Zoey leaves) Don't ever touch me
- Nicole: Slob!
- Dana: Jerk!
- Nicole: UGHH!!!
- Zoey: Sorry. I only get 15. And I gotta
- Dustin: What about you?
- Chase: Sorry kid if I had money I'd lend it to
myself, which I don't...So i'm outta luck and so are you!
- Dustin: What did he say?
- Zoey: No!
- Quinn: Logan's such a jerk.
- Nicole: A very cute jerk.
- Zoey: Why would I spread rumors about
- Nicole: To trick us!
- Zoey: Nicole!
- Chase: Hey, Kazu!
- Kazu: You're late!
- Chase: I'm 10 minutes early!
- Kazu: No back sass!
- Chase: Okay... just put the knife down!
- Zoey: We'll drive him... to Mexico!
- Logan: Did she say Mexico?
- Michael: Si!
- Zoey: (on cell phone in phony southern accent)
Excuse me sir, I'm calling about the mustard you ordered.
- Mr. Callahan: Um, I didn't order any
- Zoey: Yes, you did, you ordered nine thousand
jars of mustard.
- Mr. Callahan: Who could eat that much
- Zoey: That's none of my business! So what time
would you like me to drop off the mustard?
- Mr. Callahan: But I don't even like
- Zoey: Then, why'd you order so much?
- Mr. Callahan: I didn't...
- Quinn: (scans bear) That jerk!
- Zoey: What?
- Quinn: Let's go!
(Nicole, Quinn, and Zoey go back to Zoey's dorm)
- Zoey: Well?
- Quinn: That bear is broadcasting both audio
and visual transmissions via broadband wavelengths to a remote
- Nicole: I knew it! What does that mean?
- Zoey: In English?
- Quinn: There's a webcam in that bear!
- Nicole: I knew it! Wait, I still don't know
what that means.
- Zoey: Did you have anything to do with
- Chase: Uh, come in?
- Zoey: Did you put a camera in the bear?
- Chase: Uh, no, I don't think so, seeing as I
don't have a camera... or a bear.
- Nicole: Hey Quinn, you wanna play confess or
stress with us?
- Quinn: How do you play?
- Zoey: Okay, so you roll the dice...
- Quinn: Yeah...
- Dana: And if you land on an even number, you
have to confess to something really embarassing...
- Nicole: And if you roll an odd number, you
have to do something stressful.
- Quinn: Like eat a poisonous bug?
- Zoey: Stressful... not lethal.
- Zoey: You're working with Logan now?
- Chase: Well, I'm working, he seems to be
- Logan: I'm trying to train you, so you can
learn to make deliveries on your own.
- Zoey: Good. Now that we know you're not
delivering anymore, we'll order more often!
- Logan: 'Sup ladies!
- Zoey: We were just talking about you.
- Logan: Can't blame you.
- Nicole: (breaks vase over Kazu's head)
- Zoey: Lets tie him up! Put him in the closet!
Then we'll put him in the trunk of his car and drive him to
- Logan: Did they just say Mexico?!?!
- Michael: Si!
- Zoey:And then we'll blame it all on...
- Logan: Me? They're gonna blame it all on
- Michael:Yea! You should go tell Dean
- Chase: You gotta hide Elvis.
- Nicole: Who's Elvis?
- Chase: Our dog!
- Zoey: Doesn't PCA have a rule against
- Chase: Yeah, that's why we've been hiding him
in our room.
- Michael: But our DA smelled a dog!
- Chase: DA, short for Dorm Advisor.
- Zoey: I know.
- Chase: OK...that's short for okay
- Zoey: Stop it!
- Michael: Well anyway, our DA's getting all
- Chase: (To Zoey) Everyone gets hurt sometimes.
You've never been hurt?
- Zoey: No, not by a big, dumb bully.
- Chase: Well then maybe its time. Oh yeah,
that's right. She's in trouble now, give me your lunch money.
- Zoey: Quit it!
- Chase: Give me your lunch money or
I'll....Oww, did you bite me?
- Zoey: Maybe
- Chase: Oh its on
- Chase: You're fast!
- Zoey: Maybe you're just slow.
- Chase: Harsh
- Janitor: I'll expel you faster then pigtails
on a giraffe! Do you understand?!?
- Keith: Yeah,except for the giraffe part.
- Chase: You know what I'm saying?
- Michael: Your mama don't even know what you're
- Zoey: Chase, Thank you so much!
- Chase: It’s ok, but actually it wasn’t
- Zoey: Michael?
- Michael: Not me.
- Zoey: Then who was it?
(Chase and Michael point to Logan)
- Zoey: Logan? Why would you want to keep me at
- Logan: If you weren't around who else would I
- Dean Rivers: I'm not going to ask you again
who did this
- Chase: Technicaly Sir. you just asked
- Dean Rivers: Chase!
- Chase: Sorry...
- Nicole: (crying) But this is the best school
ever! They have a pool, cute boys, a beach across the street, and
- Zoey: I bet there are cute boys back in your
school in Kansas.
- Nicole: No they're all dumb and gross.
- Zoey: Hey Quinn did you hear the news? This is
our last semester here.
- Quinn: Can't talk. Plotting revenge.
- Nicole: I'm going to miss her freakish ways.
- Zoey: Aw its a bunny with a PCA shirt on!
- Logan: Chase picked it out
- Chase: Why do you tell people?
- Logan: Do girls know anything?
- Dana: I know how to make you cry
- Logan: What are you gonna do? kiss me?
- Dana: You wish!
- Logan: Yeah I do! (laughs)
- Mr. Savage: Do you know what this is?
- Chase: Some kind of scooter?
- Mr. Savage: It's a Jet X!
- Quinn: Is this recording?
- Dana: Uh, I don´t know. You're the geek.
- Quinn: True.
- Zoey: (on the phone to Chase) Chase, you
- Chase: (to Michael) I rock!
- Michael: You´re OK.
- Nicole: You're just jealous my dad owns a
- Dana: What?!
- Zoey: What?!
- Nicole: I didn't know what to say!
- Zoey: Well tell him money doesn't give him the
right to push people around.
- Chase: I did.
- Zoey: And?
- Chase: He gave me 50 dollars to shut up.
- Mr. Bender: Okay! shut up. so why are you guys
- Chase: Uh.... Uh.... he said.... he said I
have bushy hair!
- Mr. Bender: Chase, your hair is incredibly
bushy and Michael, the bushiness of Chase's hair is none of your
- Logan: Or I could give you a ride, maybe we
could go to the beach and make out a little.
- Zoey: You know, I would, but it's so hard for
a girl to kiss a guy while she's puking.
- Chase: It's true it happened to me once.
- Nicole: Do you like him?
- Zoey: I didn't say that.
- Nicole: Yeah, but you didn't not say it.
- Zoey: Hey! What?
- Chase: I thought you were gonna quit the play!
What was that?
- Zoey: I don't know. When I saw Logan act I
just got...swept up.
- Chase: Well, sweep down!
- Zoey: Huh?
- Chase: I don't know!
- Logan: Why do you waste your time with the
drama club? Why don't you go out for football or something?
- Chase: Because the drama club's loaded with
hot girls. And I've seen the football team, they're not hot.
- Michael: I don't know. Dave,the quarterback,
is a pretty handsome dude.
(Chase and Logan give him weird looks)
- Michael: I've said too much.
(knocks on Zoey's door)
- Dustin: Is Zoey here?
- Dana: No
- Dustin: But I'm sick, do you know where she
(Dana shuts the door in his face)
- Michael: Calm down. Let me ask you this, it's
your play right?
- Chase: Yeah, so?
- Michael: So, if it's bothering you so much
then change it.
- Chase: Change it?
- Michael: Write a different ending.
- Chase: I can get rid of the kiss! Michael,
you, my friend, are a genious in short pants!
- Michael: I have my moments.
- Mr. Fletcher: Kill? Kill?!
- Chase: Yeah, see it's actually supposed to say
"Zorka leans in to kill the lifeguard." Not kiss. It was just a
complete typo. I'm always mixing up my S's and L's. Like one time I
tried to write "sassafras". I wrote "lallafral"!
- Nicole: He really is awesome?
- Chase: (sarcastically) Yeah, Logan's
fantastic, just fantastic. Isn't he fantastic?
- Zoey: I don't see why you have to pick on him
all the time. Logan's not such a bad guy.
- Nicole: Ooh. She's starting to like him.
- Dana: Ya'think?
- Chase: What?! That's insane! It's insane,
- Zoey: Yeah, I mean...
- Chase: You mean what?
- Zoey: I don't know. Mabye I do like
- Chase: Ok I got to go.
- Zoey: Where are you going?
- Chase: To take a bath. What difference does it
- Zoey: My friend, Quinn, thinks you're cute and
wants to go out with you. Will ya?
- Mark: No.
- Zoey: Come on! She's pretty and she's right
- Mark: (Looks at Quinn) No.
- Quinn: Okay, so what do I do?
- Zoey: Just pretend Chase is a guy.
- Chase: Uh, thanks.
- Quinn: What did he say? Please say he said
yes, I would be the happiest person in the world if he said yes,
tell me he said yes, please.
- Zoey: Ummm...He said YES.
- Dana: What's your problem?
- Zoey: Remember when I said "Mark said yes" He
- Nicole: NO!!!
- Zoey: YES.
- Nicole: YES.
- Nicole: Yes, wait I'm confused.
- Dana: Did he say Yes or No.
- Zoey: He said No.
- Dana: No, then why did you tell her he said
- Zoey: Because, I panicked.
- Dana: You'd better go tell her the truth
before she finds out.
- Zoey: I can't... it'll break her heart, her
weird little heart.
- Quinn: Mark, I can't believe you dated me when
you already have a girlfriend! I don't care about you any more!
Good day, Mark!
- Mark: But...
- Quinn: I said "Good day"!
- Courtney: Mark! You're on a date with
- Mark: No! I'm... on a date with Chase!
- Chase: Um, it's true. We had a picnic.
- Zoey: Champagne and everything, I saw it
- Quinn:Did you know that female spiders usually
eat their offspring?
- Quinn: Spiders arnt insects! Theyre arachnids!
Did you know that elephant urine smells like licorice?
- Chase: Oh my god.
- Quinn: Want to see my sixth toe?
- Chase: MAKE IT STOP!
- Chase: I wonder who invented the meatball
- Zoey: How do you mean invented?
- Chase: Well some guy back in the fifteenth
century must have said "Yes meat is good but it would be even
better in ball form"
- Zoey: (About Mark)Go talk to him
- Quinn: Oh, I dunno I'm not very good at
talking to guys
- Zoey: It's easy. It's just like talking to
girls but you gotta use smaller words
- Chase: No more Grass, I can't take it!!
- TV: Coming up next...weeds
- Announcer: And now back to "Grass: Nature's
- Dana: Okay, why are we watching this?
- Dustin: I hate this experiment!
- Quinn: I heard that!
- Dustin: GOOD!
- Nicole: Are you sure people are going to pay
money to smash a watermelon with a bat?
- Zoey: Of course, boys love to smash
- Michael: It's true!
- Chase: We do enjoy the smashing!
- Dana: Tell that to Mr. Bermin when he sees
what we've done to his baby.
- Nicole: What do you think he'll say?
- Zoey: He'll probably start with, give me my
four-thousand dollars back!
- Dustin: Is it true?
- Zoey: What?
- Dustin: That you're going to get Drake Bell to
perform at Spring Fling?
- Dana: Sorry, but Drake's not coming.
- Dustin: How come?
- Nicole: His manager wants 5000 bucks.
- Dustin: So get it
- Dana: (sarcastically) Sure, we can just get it
from the 5000 dollar store.
- Chase: (to Drake) Hey you're Drake Bell!
- Drake: Yes, I am.
- Michael: (Talking in code) Zoey, the rabbit's
in the hole!
- Zoey: Huh? What rabbit?
- Chase: Massage my shoulders.
- Michael: Are you out of your mind?
- Chase: Come on, I hurt! Friends don't let
other friends hurt.
- Chase:(Giving Michael a quiz from a Teen Girl
magazine) Your best friend borrows your lipgloss...without
- Chase:What do you do? A.Find a new best
friend. B.Push her down the stairs,or C....
- Zoey:What? It doesn't say that!
- Chase:Well I think that'd be an appropriate
- Michael:I pick B....Down the stairs she
- Chase:(about new jukebox) That's
(5 minutes later)
- Michael:(about new jukebox) That's
- Coach: All right. Mr. Matthews you just bought
yourself another lap.
- Chase: Can I return it?
- Mr. Bender: (After hearing Zoey's computer IM
alarm ring) Read the message.
- Zoey: (Reading) Hey, Zo do you think Mr.Bender
knows his zipper's down?
- Dana: You Got A Signal?
- Michael: No,only sand in my butt!
- Chase: Can you at least turn the sound
- Logan: Why don't you turn your mouth
- Michael: Duuuudeees!
- Chase: Michael!
- Logan: What's up?
- Michael: Mah boys!
- Logan: So, how was your summer, man?
- Chase: Yeah, I've missed seeing your freakish
face every day!
- Michael: Heh yeah, and I've missed your big
bushy hair...Hey did it get bushier?
- Chase: It's possible.
- Chase: Hey, Zoe! You look great!
- Zoey: You too! Hey, did your hair get
- Chase: Good night Michael.
- Michael: Sleep tight Chase.
- Logan: You guys are the worst.
Michael: That's you?! (pointing to Mr. Bender as a student in a
PCA yearbook from the 80s. In the picture, Mr. Bender has an afro,
a mustache, and big glasses) Ha ha ha ha ha! (Mr. Bender gives him
a look) You were very handsome.
- Zoey: But why would Trisha like you?
- Chase: Well, I guess she somehow overlooked my
terrible personality and hideous face.
- Logan: (on television) Hello, my name is Logan
- Zoey: I'm Zoey Brooks.
- Logan: Today we're gonna talk about some
interesting topics. First: Girls in sports. Now, I think it's fine
if girls wanna have their own little sports teams but they should
not be allowed to play in the guys teams! Zoey?
- Zoey: Yeah, you're right...
- Logan: Huh?
- Zoey: I said you're right!
- Logan: Okay... Lets move on to our next topic
then... Oh, yeah. Ordering at restaurants. I say girls take way too
much time to order food. (with a girly voice) "Uh, I'm a girl. I'll
have a chopped salad but I want the lettuce on the side!" Guys are
just like "Give me a cheeseburger!" End of story! Zoey?
- Zoey: I agree...
- Logan: Okay... For our next topic let's talk
about... Eating kittens! I feel people should eat more kittens!
Eating little kitty cats for breakfast! Do you agree with that
- Chase: (in the Chase and Michael show) Would a
woman make a better president of the United States than a man?
- Logan: Abolutely not!
- Zoey: You're an idiot!
- Logan: A woman can not be president of the
- Zoey: Name one reason!
- Logan: Because girls are too emotional!
Everytime she gets a pimple she'll cry and start a war with
Girls Will Be
- Zoey: Maybe we ought to prove to Chase and
Logan that guys can be just guys even when girls are around.
- Lola: How are we gonna do that?
- Zoey: By being around them when they don't
know were around.
- Nicole: But if were around them trying to
prove it well be around them and were grils so they'll be around
girls when were trying t-
- Lola: Maybe you should let Zoey talk.
- Zoey: I'm saying what if one of us pretends to
be a guy.?
- Nicole: Ok, 4 problems with that: hair, face,
- Lola: That's 3 problems.
- Nicole: 2 boobs.
- Zoey: We can get around those problems.
- Lola: It would be the ultmate acting
- Lola: Hey, can you turn up the music?
- Chase: Yeah, sure... Hey, cool boombox!
- Lola: Thanks, I just got it.
- Chase: (after that he accidentally pushed
down the boombox from the roof into the ground) Was it
- Lola: OK. Make me a dude.
- Nicole: You really think you can convince
Chase and Logan that you’re a guy?
- Lola: Easy. Chase is gullible and Logan’s a
Lola: Ok, who is she? Chase:
Who is who? Lola: The girl you like.
Chase: What makes you think I like someone?
Lola: 'Cause I'm smart. So who is she? Does she go
to PCA? Chase: Uh... no. She's... from my
hometown. Back home... in my town.
Break-Up: TV Movie
- Chase: I told you, I'm not going to tell you
what happened last night. I sent you a text.
- Michael: No you didn't.
- Chase: Yeah I did. See? (hands Michael
- Michael: You didn't send it to me...you sent
it to Zoey.
- Chase: (grabs TechMate) Oh my God!
- Zoey: Look, we all feel bad enough about the
- Coach Keller: Feeling bad doesn't fill my gut
with raw fish, does it cupcake?!
- Chase: Have you ever considered an anger
- Coach Keller: That's it, Matthews. You just
got yourself a slice of revenge pie!
- Michael: Don't you think you're being a little
hard on the boy?
- Coach Keller: You too, Sparky! Revenge
- Coach Keller:(running out of the sushi bar
with a fire extinguisher in one hand and a clipboard in the other)
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Kazu, your grill is on fire!
- Kazu: Fire!? (He runs up the stairs. The
others try to follow him until he stops them.) No, stay back! Pull
a fire alarm!
- Michael: Where's a fire alarm?
- All(except Kazu and Coach Keller): Over there!
(Zoey, Nicole, Lola, Chase, Logan, and Michael run to the fire
alarm. Kazu runs up the stairs to Coach Keller.)
- Lola: Fire!
- Logan: Oh, my goodness! (Zoey pulls a fire
alarm. In the sushi bar, the fire is spreading. Morning comes, and
the firefighters have put out the fire and are carrying everything
out. Chase and Nicole come up to Dean Rivers and a depressed
- Chase: Morning Kazu.
- Nicole: How bad was the fire?
- Logan: Did Quinn just walk past here with an
- Zoey: Yea she sure did.
- Logan: Weird.
- Michael: Did you tell Zoey yet?
- Chase: Nope, not yet.
- Michael: Man, when you gonna tell her?
- Logan: Tell who, what?
- Michael: You that you're annoying.
- Chase: We aren't even two hours in the new
school year and you guys are already about to kill each other!
- Logan: No!
- Michael: Oh, I'm about to kill him
- Chase: What's up with all the items?
- Zoey: Quinn's gonna be our new roommate for a
- Chase: Oh, oh! (sees that Quinn is looking at
him) Oh! Heh, how nice! For all of you!
- Chase: I have run all over this freakish
campus with ninety pounds of stuff and I'm about to start coughing
- Dustin: (breaks up the boxing fight) Hey, what
are you doing!
- Logan: (exhausted) We've been... Boxing... Too
- Michael: (also exhausted) ... Who gets... The
- Dustin: Why don't you just flip a coin?
- Zoey: In love with me?! Chase?!
- Lola: (sarcastic) No, me. Marry me, Zoey.
Please be my wife!
- Lola: Ginny, come here!
- Ginny: What's up?
- Lola: 'Blank' is in love with Zoey, fill in
- Ginny: Chase...
- Lola: Thanks for playing!
- Zoey: Me and Chase are just friends!
- Lola: And you're Fa-Crazy!
(Chase, Michael, and Logan all fighting over who gets the
- Chase: May I suggest something please?
- Michael and Logan: What?
- Chase: Look, you guys both want the single bed
right? So why don't we just say that whoever gets there first gets
the bed, fair enough?
- Michael: I guess so.
- Chase: Kay good. Now the important thing to
remember here is..
(Chase pushes them to the ground and runs to get the single
bed for himself)
- Chase: I'm giving you a timeout! Go sit on
- Logan: I'm not going to go sit on the-
- Chase: ROCK!
(Chase and Rebecca are in the middle of an arguement,
Michael runs up)
- Michael: (to Chase) Hey, did you tell Rebecca
- Chase: (to Rebecca) You think you can tell me
who I can and can't talk to?
- Rebecca: You heard what I said!
- Michael: Wow, look at that tree over there
- Quinn: She threatened you? Oh,that's all I
needed to hear! (takes out a laser gun type thing.) I'll be back in
- Zoey: No, no, no! Just put that down.
- Lola: Okay, what did Rebecca say exactly?
- Zoey: I don't know. Something like I better
leave Chase alone and stay out of her way!
- Lola: That's so nervy!
- Zoey: I know! What am I gonna do? (Quinn takes
up the lasergun thing) Put it down!
(Logan shoots and misses the ball in the basket)
- Zoey: You do know that the ball is suposed to
go in the basket, right?
- Quinn: (about Rebecca) I don't like this
- Lola: What's to like?
- Zoey: You guys don't even know her.
- Quinn: We don't have to know her.
- Lola: You're our friend, we can just
automatically hate her.
- Michael: So talk to me.
- Chase: About?
- Michael: Come on, man. Last year, a week
before summer vacation you sent Zoey a text massage saying you love
her and now after the summer you show up at school with a
- Chase: You know when they say that something
happens for a reason?
- Michael: I've heard they say.
- Chase: Well, I think that there's a reason why
Zoey didn't get the text massage. I think it was something, I don't
know, karma, universe, the lord, the force. Something was trying to
tell me that Zoey and I are meant to be really good friends. And
- Michael: You sure on that?
- Chase: I mean, look it like this: a guy's
gonna have a lot of girlfriends in his life, right? Well, I don't
want Zoey to be just another one of those girls that I date for a
few months or even a few years and then it's over. I want Zoey to
be my best friend for a really long time! You know what I'm
- Michael: Y-y-yeah, I know what you are
saying... I just thought that I was your best friend... But if I
have been replaced by Zoey then...
- Chase: Zoey's my best girl best friend. You're
still number one, man!
- Michael: That's all I wanted to hear! (goes to
- Chase: You're such a idiot.
- Michael: Thanks, man!
- Chase: Rebecca has a big problem with you and
me being friends.
- Zoey: I know.
- Chase: She said... You know?
- Zoey: Yeah, she came to my room and told me to
stay away from you.
- Chase: She sorta said the same think to me
- Zoey: Did you explain to her that we're just
- Chase: Yeah.
- Zoey: And she said?
- Chase: That if I wanted her to be my
girlfriend I can't... Hang out with you anymore and talk to
- Zoey: Okay, I get it. Look, the most important
thing to me is that you're happy.
- Chase: Me too so... I dumped her!
(Zoey throws a grape at Chase)
- Chase: What was that for?
- Zoey: For making me think you weren't going to
be my friend any more.
- Chase: I said I dumped her didn't I?
- Michael: So Zoey just walked right in?
- Chase: Right in.
- Michael: She should have knocked first.
- Chase: Yeah, that would have been nice.
- Michael: And you're sure Zoey saw you and
(Cuts scene to the girls)
- Zoey: Oh, yeah. They were kissing.
- Lola: Are you a thousand percent sure they
- Zoey: Either that or Chase was trying to suck
the teeth out of her mouth...
(Cuts scene back to the boys)
- Michael: So you just stopped kissing, looked
up and there was Zoey standing right there in the doorway?
- Chase: Yep...
- Michael: Harsh!
- Chase: Yeah, it wasn't the most comfortable
moment of my life.
- Logan: So what did you say?..
(Cuts scene to the girls)
- Zoey: He said 'This is Rebecca, my
- Lola: You sure he said girlfriend?
- Quinn: Maybe you misunderstood. Maybe he
- Zoey: Grillfriend?
- Quinn: Yeah, you know maybe they just cook
things together... Outdoors...
- Logan': Is that a real chicken?
- Quinn: It was a real chicken.
(Afeter Quinn forced him to wear a dress.)
- Logan: Then why did you make me do all those
- Quinn: 'cause You called me a spaz. I don't
like being called a Spaz, never did. Not even as a child. I hope
you learned a little lesson here.
- Coco: You're guys... Am I... Am I
unappealing?! Would you show up at my house on Valentines Day with
a pretzel from a gas station!?
- Chase: We're just teenagers!
- Michael: And I don't even like
- Logan: You're just an mess!
- Carl: Coco!
- Coco: Carl?
- Carl: What are you doing with another
- Coco: You dumped me!
- Carl: And that gives you the right to date
- Coco: Yeah, kinda!
- Logan: Wow, this is great!
- Chase: I just don't understand why they call
it "a pair of pants".
- Logan: Why not?
- Chase: Because a pair means two like: a pair
of shoes or a pair of gloves. Two shoes, two gloves. Why pair of
- Michael: Because man, you would sound stupid
if you were like "Hey, man. I love my new pant. You like my new
pant? Check out my new pant!"
- Dustin: Oh man! Hey Quinn you think you could
fix our model aeroplane?
- Quinn: I could fix a real aeroplane!
(Crying and screaming is heard)
- Zoey: What is that?
(Zoey, Lola, and Quinn find Coco on the ground crying next
to her cell phone)
- Quinn: Why is our dorm adviser rolling on the
- Lola: Coco! Are you okay?
- Coco: Do I look okay? I'm a woman on the
- Zoey: Did Carl break up with you again? (Coco
continues sobbing and screaming)
- Lola: I think Carl broke up with her
- Quinn: Come on, let's get her up. (Zoey, Lola,
and Quinn try to pick up Coco.)
- Coco: No, no! Just leave me here to die. (Zoey
and Quinn pick her up and drag her away.)
- Coco: My cell phone! (Lola gets the cell
- Coco: I can't believe he dumped me over the
- Zoey: But, he always dumps you over the
- Lola: Yeah, like every three weeks!
(Coco continues crying, blows her nose, and looks in the
- Coco: Oh, God! What is that?
- Quinn: We're really sorry.
- Zoey: But we gotta go start our homework.
- Coco: I just don't understand guys. First they
tell you that they love you. Then they tell you that you're too
clingy and needy and man I'm hungry. I mean, I know I can be moody
and bloated and judgmental and I may not bathe as much as other
girls, but I'm fun to be with, right? RIGHT!? (Coco keeps
- Coco: Oh man, there's a hair on my honeydew.
(picks up honeydew, removes hair, and puts honeydew in her mouth)
(Zoey drops her food that she was about to eat in disgust.)
- Coco: Ooh, maybe it's Carl. Oh gross its my
mother. (answers phone) What!? No mom, he hasn't called. That's
right mom, I'm gonna grow old and die alone.
- Chase: Wow, you have a horrible dorm
- Chase: I have to say it, I'm a little bit
embarrassed for you.
- Michael: This is a sports related injury! That
makes me cool!
- Chase: Dude, tripping over a basketball on the
way to the bathroom is not cool... (sees Quinn and Lola) Oh, hey,
Quinn and Lola. What's up females?
- Quinn: Oh, hey!
- Chase: What have you guys been doing?
- Lola: I've been watching Quinn's research rat
for the past three hours!
- Quinn: Yeah well, you'll change your tone when
I catch that rat and lock him away for ever.
- Michael: Uh, what rat?
- Lola: What happened to your foot?
- Michael: Oh, it's a sports related
- Chase: He tripped over a basketball on his way
- Michael:Why do you tell people?!?! Why don't
you just but it on the news! Hey! Where's Jerimiah?? Chase has a
- Zoey: Can I say something?
- Chase: Sure,
- Zoey: (stands up and shouts out) I hate
chemistry! Hate it! I just wanna make that clear.
- Chase: Have a french fry, it'll calm you right
- Zoey: No thanks, I'm already full. And what
happened to all your talking about eating healthier food?
- Chase: What? The french fry, made by the
potato - a vegetable! Dipped in ketchup, made from the tomato -
also a vegetable!
- Zoey: Let’s shake on it.
- Logan: Or we could kiss on it? (Zoey slaps
him) We'll shake on it.
- Chemistry teacher: Oh, Zoey, you're good
friends with Chase... Is his hair naturally that way or is it a
- Zoey: Uhh.. It's natural.
- Chase: She's not dating Logan, okay? I've
known her since the first day she came here to PCA and I know she'd
never date a jerk like Logan!
- Lola: He's one of your best friends!!
- Chase: Which is how I know he's a jerk!
- Quinn: I thought Chase was over Zoey!
- Lola: So did I.
- Chase: What do you mean? There was no two year
crush on Zoey! Right Michael?
- Michael: (sarcastic) Yes, there was no crush,
you silly people.
- Lola:(to Chase about Zoey and Logan) Why do
you care so much about this?
- Chase: Because I'm a caring person, see?!?!
(makes caring face)
- Zoey: Logan?! (about being her tutor)
- Logan: Like I'm thrilled about this. (being
- Zoey: (to her chemistry teacher) Logan doesn't
know anything about chemistry! Logan doesn't know anything about
- Zoey: (talking about Logan) He's really good
- Chase: Oh God!
- Zoey: What? I've really learned a lot from
- Chase: OH!
- Chase:Lets consider the other!
- Michael:Am I the ONLY normal person here?
(pulls out flute and starts playing)
- Chemistry Teacher:(talking to Chase) Is your
- Chase:(touches hair) Uh... yeah
- Chemistry Teacher: I don't believe it.
- Zoey: I can't believe the three of you took on
the whole football team!
- Logan: Four of us...
- Michael: Yeah, Del Figgalo helped.
- Quinn: (yelling) Mark! My Mark!
- Chase: You wanna beat me up? Then do it. It's
not gonna change things.
- Football player: It'll change your face!
- Chase: Touché.
- Chase: They hit....
- Micheal: and punched....
- Logan: and kicked
- Chase: It was a medley of pain
- Mark: I've been looking for you
- Quinn: Yeah, I know. You're breaking up with
- Mark: I am?
- Logan: Chase, if you want to be a member you
have to pay attention.
- Chase: I don't want to be a member.
- Logan: Then why are you here.
- Chase: I... Live here...
- Logan: (gives a gift to a "Silver Hammer")
This is just to let you know, I'm interested.
- Silver Hammer: Thanks but, I'm seeing
- Logan: But, wait, wait, wait.... I didn't
- Quinn: If you need to speed up,just hit the
- Chase: But I'm scared of the red button.
- Quinn: Stop being a baby. (starts up the
- Chase: Oh dear God.
- All Three Boys: Hi!
- Quinn: Dustin! What happend?
- Dustin: I fell of a hill.
- Quinn: Not with you, with Mark!
Michael: (listening to mp3 player) I'm just another kind of girl
and you wanna be my squirrel..
- Stacey: Oh his arms! (swoons)
- Chase: Go and drink your glove!
- Chase:(picks Coco's laundry) Uh...Coco? You
forgot your pillowcase.
- Coco: That's my underwear. (takes laundry
and walks away)
- Chase:(looks at hand in horror)
Well...Now I have to go boil my hand....
- Chase: Aww...Now that's nice.
- Michael: What's nice?
- Zoey: Seeing You two cooperate.
- Logan: Well,ribs do bring people
- Michael: Are you feelin'-flumpy?
- Dean Rivers: (after the fire alarm has gone
off) All right, all right, the good news is there's no fire.Wait,
wait. The bad news, one of you obviously pulled the fire alarm for
no reason. Would the person who did it like to confess? (nobody
talks) I didn't think so. All right, let me be clear. Pulling
a fire alarm is not funny. (laughter is heard) It's a
serious offense. If it happens again, and I don't find out who it
is, I'm giving this entire dorm detention. (the boys start
complaining) Now go back to bed.
- Logan: OK, whoever pulled the alarm, if you do
it again, you're getting your butt kicked.
- Michael: OK, a fake fire alarm is not
drippin'. (all of the boys look at Michael)
- Chase: Saying drippin is not drippin.
- Michael: You can't use the term against
- Dean Rivers: (after the fire alarm has gone
off for the second night) All right, I told you what would happen
if someone pulled that fire alarm again. All of you, a detention
this Saturday. (all of the boys groan)
- Michael: (muttering)You can't diss my word...I
need some frech fries...
- Lola:(hugging Zoey,Dustin,and Quinn) Aww! You
can take a digital picture of my bra and show it to your friends if
you want to! (Zoey and Quinn look at eich other
Son Of A
- Lola: (to Zoey) On a first date, a
guy and a girl are just checking each other out.
- Quinn: The second dates are like a
compatibility test. To see whether you guys get along.
- Lola: Third date is a real turning point.
- Quinn: Whether to see if your gilfriend
- Lola: Or the dreaded "just friends".
- Chase: Okay, you are the worst roommate
- Logan: But I, am goooood-looking.
- Logan: All right! You want an idea? How
about... your characters are bowling pins and you're terrified of
being hit by the bowling ball. How's that?
- Michael: That could be really funny. How did
you think of that?
- Logan: I'm good at everything.
- Zoey: What are you guys doing here? Why didn't
you tell me you were coming? Mom, what did you do to your hair? Why
aren't you answering my questions?
- Mr. Brooks: 'Cause you're not taking any
- Zoey: Why are you here?
- Mrs. Brooks: Well, we have a little news.
- Zoey: Are you having a baby mom?
- Mrs. Brooks: No.
- Mr. Brooks: No babies. No babies, right?
- Mrs. Brooks: No. No.
- Logan: So you're saying it's just a
coincidence that Gretchen looks exactly like Zoey?
- Chase: I don't even see a resemblance.
- Michael: Everybody thinks they look
- Logan: And that's the only reason you're
hanging out with her! She's your little Zoey replacement, and
that's a little bit sick.
- Michael (to Logan): Uh, subtle.
- Logan: He needs to hear this.
- Chase: I don't need to hear anything from you
guys right now. (As Zoey reads the magazine, a small beep from her
computer alerts her that she has a webcam connection, and she
begins to watch the conversation.) If you cared about me, you
wouldn't judge my friends!
- Michael: So, you don't think it's weird that
right after she leaves PCA you make friends with some bizarr-o girl
that just happens to look exactly like Zoey?
- Chase: Gretchen is a lot of fun.
- Logan: Ha! Yeah, like the way she spits and
picks her nose?
- Michael: And don't forget the fun way she pops
her pimples at lunch!
- Chase: Unlock the door.
- Logan: We'll unlock the door when you admit
that you miss Zoey.
- Chase: Well, then we better order some pizzas
and a toilet, cause we're gonna be in here for a while.
- Logan: Why is it so hard for you to just admit
it's killing you that Zoey's gone?
- Chase: It's hard to admit something that's not
true! (Zoey looks upset)
(Logan locks the door with a padlock with Chase and Michael
- Chase: I saw this in a prison movie.
- Chase: You're right... Everything you guys
said is true.
- Michael: We know you miss Zoey, man.
- Chase: I don't just miss her... I'm in love
with her. I've been in love with Zoey ever since I met her.When she
got out of her dad's car, and I saw her standing there, and I rode
my bike into that stupid flagpole (Zoey softly smiles) I was in
love with Zoey before I hit the ground, and I don't think that
feelings ever gonna go away. (Zoey looks surprised)
- Zoey: Where's Chase?
Chase: Colin, don't call me a nit! (edit)
Zoey: OH MY GOD he went to England
Lola: This is so tragic
Quinn: It's kind of sweet
Zoey: TRAGIC! (edit)
Chase: Zoey transfered back to PCA!
Zoey:: Chase moved to England! (edit)
Chase: Michael! Zoey left England. She went back
Chase: Zoey. (smiles) So...you're back at
Zoey: Yeah. And you're in England...at
Zoey: Why'd you go there?
Chase: Cause you wouldn't go there! To PCA! Or...I
thought you wouldn't...which clearly you did. (pauses) Why...did
Zoey : I missed you.
Chase : I missed you too.
Zoey: And...I, uh...kind of heard something.
Chase: What do you mean?
Zoey: Well...a few weeks ago, when I was there,
and you were here...
Zoey: I guess you, or Michael or Logan, left your
video chat on...
Zoey: And I heard you say something.
Chase: Uh...could you be more specific?
Zoey: (sighs) I heard you say you're in love with
Chase : Oh. That's uh...pretty specific.
Could you hold on a sec?
Chase: (turns off computer) OH MY GOD!!!! (turns
computer back on)
Chase: I love you Zoey.
Zoey: Now was that so hard to say to my
Chase: It was easy.
Zoey: Good. I love you too.
Michael: What is wrong with you people?!
Lola: You said we should try!
Michael: Not to kill me!
Lola: You're supposed to be stalling
Mark: I did as long as I could, but I ran out of
stuff to say.
Quinn: So what happened?!
Mark: .... I pushed her .... Into a bush.
- Zoey: Hey guys,will you sign this petition to
bring Coco back?
Mira: Well it's really cool to meet you guys.
If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)
Zoey, Lola, Quinn, and Stacey: Bye.
Lola: Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.
Quinn: Who dresses cool.
Lola: And doesn't smell like bugs and
Zoey: Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her
Quinn: Why not? Most people trash her right to her
Zoey: Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.
Lola: It wasn't your fault.
Stacey: Anyways, Coco already got another
Zoey: She did?
Stacey: Yeah, she's working at Carl's Mini Fancy
Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.
Lola: See, I bet a server there makes a ton more
money than a school dorm advisor.
Zoey: Good that makes me feel a little
Stacey: Um, Coco isn't working there as a
Zoey: Then what's she doing there? (scene changes
to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)
Coco: (to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom
attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her)
Steak! (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you
Zoey: Well Stacey told me you got a job and I just
wanted to come by and say "hey."
Coco: Hey. (older woman walks in and goes into the
Zoey: Look, I'm so sorry about what
Coco: I'm not. This job is fantastic.
Coco: Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's
really great, um, sometimes they let me-
Old Woman: (from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This
toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?
Coco: Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall
and turns to Zoey)
Coco: (sobbing) "KILL ME!! GO GET A HAMMER, THEN
COME BACK, AND KILL ME WITH IT!"
(Coco is crying really loud and putting suitcases into the
back of her car)
- Zoey: Um, Coco?
- Coco: I can't go camping, leave me alone.
- Lola: Okay, what do you mean you can't go
- Zoey: What's the problem?
- Coco: I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be
cheating on me.
(The kids all moan)
- Coco: So I went to his house and I climbed up
the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home,
- Kids: Right, makes sense, yea.
- Coco: Then I thought he was gonna bring home
another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.
- Logan: Okay, well, that's good.
- Coco: No, because the branch I was sitting on
broke and I fell on her.
- Lola: Oh my god!
- Zoey: Is she hurt?
- Coco: I don't know, Carl says she has a
fractured neck or something.
- Michael: Okay, so then what happened?
- Coco: He called me a lunatic, then broke up
with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.
(Coco continues crying and gets in the front seat of her
- Quinn: You can't just leave us here at
- Lola: It's semester break!
(Coco starts driving away and crying)
- Logan: Wait!
- Zoey: What are we supposed to do?
(Coco drives away and her suitcase falls out of the back of
her car spilling underwear and ravioli all over the road.)
- Guy: Hey you two, Yeah!
- Logan: (addressing anger management class) I
go to a school called PCA, a boarding school not to far from here,
and I left a voicemail to this kid, Dustin---
- Angry Male Student: That was you?!
- Angry Female student: I heard thaton the
(Anger management class surounds Logan and starts yelling at
- Logan: Do you think he knows we're
- Quinn: He might, which is really bad!
- Logan: I know.. wanna go make out?
- Quinn: Absolutely
- Michael: But I just got a new mug!
- Dean Rivers: Then fill it with chowder!
- Michael: Chowder?
- Zoey: Everyone! (Everyone in Zoey's dorm
looks) We're about to get busted!
(People look worried and shocked)
- Quinn: Well don't just stand there!
- Lola: Hide everything!
(Everyone starts hiding everything)
- Quinn: You're not gonna charge me, are you
- Logan: Yes I am.
- Quinn: But, we're, boyfriend and
- Logan: I know but, bussiness is
- Quinn: Stop zapping Logan!
Quinn: Ok, what do you think? Am I prom
Lola: Yeah... but don't you think that dress is a
little too sexy for your date... Dustin?
Quinn: Dustin's... very mature for his age.
Lola: (sarcastically) Yeah, I hear his bedtime got
moved up to 8:15.
Quinn': Why couldn't you have broken up with James
after the prom?
Lola': Why did you break up with him at all?
Quinn: James is awesome.
Zoey: I know James is awesome and I know you think
I was stupid to break up with him, and maybe you're right, but I
did it and now it's done. ( Notices the shoes in Quinn's hand that
her roomates want her to wear to the prom) Oh my god those shoes
- Logan: Can I atleast give you an idea of how
i'd like to take?
- Quinn: Sure.
- Logan: Do you see those twins over there?
- Quinn: Sure, whick one do you want?
- Logan: Both..
- Quinn: You're so irrating sometimes.
- Logan: Wanna go make out?
- Quinn: Yes!
Stacey: Logie, come on!
Logan: I'M COMING!!
Logan: Let's go, Dilson.
Stacey: Sure thing.... Reese.
Lola: Just because you broke up with James
doesn't mean you have to be the only person at PCA who's not gonna
Quinn: Lots of people are going dateless.
Lola: Yeah! Firewire, and uh... Firewire!
Quinn: That weird Swedish kid that smells like
(After falling off the building rooftop ledge)
Chase: I'm alright, I'm okay. I just lost my
(After Logan and Quinn declared their love for each other in public)
Dustin: You used me?!
Mark: He made me drive his stick-shift!
Michael: Aw, he graped when he shoulda
Michael: I know! (Turns around to face Chase)
Chase, she talks perfectly now! (Double takes) CHASE!
Lola: So what do we do now?
Vince: Follow the nerds!
Lola: Did we miss anything good?
Michael: Naaah, you didn't miss much.
Chase: Nothing important.
Lola: Oh, good, 'coz.... CHASE!
Chase: Give me some love!
'Michael: Let me give you some love!